Saturday 26 January 2019

Women grabbing their male partner’s arms

“When in fear, it is the easy option to run for the trenches or hide behind one stronger.
But if the trench collapses or the arm you grab is weak, where do you run to from there?”

The most common theme I picked up on over the Christmas period, when time was not as intense and shopping days were undertaken, was the pronounced instincts for many women to grab their male partner’s arm when I walked in the opposite direction and as soon as they noticed me.  It isn’t a theme only just picked up on, but it perhaps struck my conscious thoughts during those couple of weeks more than ever before. 

Most of these women were cute to lower hot, and their male boyfriends or fiancés were average to above average looking.  Some of the men were barely taller than their girlfriends, and some were a fair bit taller.  I don’t recall any of the women wearing wedding rings, although this cannot be ruled out.

In addition, by no mean coincidence I would, without proof, say all the women ranged from mid to late 20’s in age.  The men they accompanied looked either the same age or a few years older.  For seasoned campaigners of couple observations like myself, the physical looks imbalance should not come as any surprise whatsoever.  Had the women been in their early 20’s (or late teens), the chances are a more physical attractiveness match would have been the consequence.  Then again, had these women been in the younger bracket as stated, I doubt they would have grabbed their boyfriend by the arm when walking past me in the first place.  More on this later….

For a moment, let me put myself in the position of the men being arm grabbed by the woman.  Needless to say, they would have been oblivious to the timing, but all the same it is worth analyzing.  The positive part (and also the naïve and idealistic view) would be that their female partners are so in love and in need of protection that it is an uncontrollable maneuver on her part to do so.  Fair enough, if again, you take the idealistic perspective.  The negative part (hence the far more likely realistic question) is why did she grab his arm at that particular moment when she hadn’t done so prior?  I’ll leave it to your interpretations.

My explanation is a simple one.  Look at the ages of the women in relatively small populated cities like Derby and Nottingham.  As they venture from mid to late 20’s their inclinations for a wedding day and associated lifestyle benefits will never be stronger, even if it means being with a man who does not optimize her in a physical attraction and sexual manner.  It’s a compromise worth taking.  It doesn’t take a genius to walk past a thousand men, and just by a few seconds observation you will know, by and large, which men are willing to take on the responsibilities of marriage – with the financial risks that go hand in hand when it all goes pear shaped – and which men are still not ready to place their tools to ground and give up on the benefits that go with less commitment. 

So in that moment, when all has been happy for the last hour or so when he buys her something in the shopping mall, they sit down for coffee, or have a nice chatty lunch about the future together, the woman’s over comfort turns into a few seconds of insecurity when seeing a man she would rather sleep with (rather sleep with than the man she is with).  The natural instinct when a moment of doubt is placed in her mind is to grab the male partner’s arm.  This habit is done on a two-fold reasoning:

·       First, she needs to convince her own mind that the man she is with is the man she truly wants to be with, and nothing will stand in the way of their future life and happiness together.
·       Second, she needs to counteract her immediate insecurity, and somewhat guilt, that another man has captured her attention. 

So, when you see a woman in her mid to late 20’s suddenly grab her boyfriend’s arm when a more physically impressive man walks past her, know it is because she doesn’t want anything to stand in the way of the future house, wedding, honeymoon and possible motherhood that has been talked about. 

Q-tip 1:
A woman of the same age (mid to late 20’s) who has already become married is less likely to deliver the arm grab method in equivalent scenarios.  This is because she has less to gain by doing so, and far less to lose by not doing so. 

As alluded to above, women in their early 20’s are far less likely to carry out the arm grab move.  From my experience, I’d even go as far to say that a decent percentage of younger women in fact do the opposite.  They may have been holding their boyfriend’s arm or hand, but when they see an edgier man walk past, don’t be surprised to see her let go of it.

Why is this the case?  First, women at this age are more likely to go for better looking men, and likewise even cheat on their boyfriend with a guy who arouses her more.  Second, in contrast to a woman foreseeing impending marriage and beneficial add-ons, a woman in her early 20’s is only really interested in the social status she achieves in being with the hottest men.  Third, a younger woman has very little interest in marriage at that stage in her life.  Mix all three factors together and you produce a woman who desires to de-scale her commitment to the male partner she is with, rather than expose and emphasize the couple profile.

Side Note

A case in point to back up this theory derived from the mere last five days of my life.  On Monday morning I sat in the health centre coffee area after a workout, dressed in work suit, prior to meeting a client a couple of hours later.  For over an hour, I caught the hot receptionist checking me out on at least three occasions.  She couldn’t be a day over 21. 

On the Friday morning when I pretty much was carrying out the same routine, she walked into the same arena in her gym kit.  I walked up to the water fountain as she bent down (Mmmm, nice!!), only for her to ask if I would like to go first (to the water!).  I told her it was fine, and I’d come back in a minute after she’d done.  When I did, she was still waiting, so we struck up some conversation.

She told me her current workout routine was gearing towards a competition soon.  When I alluded to it being a swimsuit model contest, she very much liked my thought process.  I then asked what her boyfriend thought to all this.  It was a big pause on her part, but she answered it in a way that he loved it as he is a personal instructor.  I more or less ended the conversation at that moment.  For the record, it was only that day I found out he worked at the same gym.  For further record, this boyfriend was sitting having breakfast in the coffee area on the morning she was regularly looking over at me. 

The point is, unlike other women I have approached where they couldn’t wait to mention the “boyfriend” word, she was not forthcoming at all.  I bet she was pissed off he was there at the time we were talking, albeit not over bothered if she doesn’t see much of a long term with him.  A little bit like knowing how a woman is interested in you if she asks you questions or not, another sure-fire way to detect a woman’s interest in you is if she highlights or clouds the fact she has a boyfriend. 

Q-tip 2:
Take note of the “swimsuit model” comment I made.  As a law of average, a direct compliment of this nature is only productive when it is the dynamic of being a man who is equal or greater in physical attractiveness gender relative terms to the woman he is hitting on.  If deep down you know she is a level or two above you in this sense, lead with more general comments that don’t make her feel or think she is too good for you.


  1. I think ,,grabbing the arm.. is a sign ,,she is taken,, about fear?..
    I remember when I was like 20 years old..and was walking with my girlfriend like midnight on the streets?..then some 3 guys appeared ..from nowhere.. I was chatting with her.. etc..but she sensed them approaching?.. while I was busy explaining her some deep demented knowledge about the universe??..with her eyes vision she saw the 3 guys approaching.. and they were coming to us?..then she grabbed me by the hand...and kissed me?..and I was in owe...woe..she loves me I said...on the contrary!!..she has made a statement she will be protected!..I look at them...when SHE Grabbed my hand...and I finally realized what was happening...they backed OFF...all I had to do is look at them,and they knew this was my woman...but really I didn't realize it till she held my hand and kissed me?..
    I thought were just some 3 guys walking ...why pay attention?
    when she held my hand...and kissed me...was a fear response ...
    Like in a very way telling me..protect me...we are in danger...
    Things changed when I turn my eyes to the 3 guys ... dude...didnt know she was your girlfriend?
    I am a short guy by the way..but in my life I never encountered some man picking up on my girlfriend ..and challenging me..
    Guess is the respect men have to each others?
    We men respect each other..but women never respect other women
    When I looked at the 3 men..they respected me...and they knew I'd protect her.
    Was not the point I was expert in martial arts.,.\..
    Was just ,,respect,,..and they walked away..
    This is what women would never understand!!!
    When I looked of them ...I realized they were trying to attack us..
    In the end I knew why she held my hand and kissed me..
    I was supposed to protect her,....
    Like a little dog..