Women settle for less

“Some birds aren’t meant to be caged.  Their feathers are just too bright.  And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.  But still, a place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone.”

                                                            (Shawshank Redemption, 1994)

In a world where women, or at least the vast majority of women, do have a hypergamous mentality in seeking out the highest calibre man possible to provide them the “best” life, it is important to remember that this same vast majority of the female population do eventually settle for men who are not even close to the level of quality visualized in their fantasies.

This female settling policy is by no means only in reference to male physical attractiveness.  In fact, male good looks are the one aspect where most women actually happily (happily to their ego) settle for less.  Because although women will find many men more sexually arousing and attractive than the man they enter a relationship with, this decision will be born out of subconscious, but often conscious, pre-determination.  Simply put, at least 90% of women don’t want to be with a better looking man in comparison to their own looks relativity.  If readers get bored of this truth being pointed out, then I’ll still sleep tonight…

I could reference hundreds of women I have known personally who fit this explained settling bill, and I will have seen thousands of likewise frustrated faces when stepping outside my house.  What I will do is illustrate a recent anecdote that spells out how women take less than what they need to in male candidacy:

During one Saturday night in early February I saw this striking blonde in a busy bar.  She seemed to be hovering around my proximity, but with her back turned.  What a fine curvaceous figure she possessed, and the tight dress worn didn’t exploit even a millimetre of excess lard.  Lovely long straight blonde hair was accompanied by a pretty face.  Her nails were manicured naturally just right.  I’ve seen enough women in my time to be confident that her age would be 28 to 29.  All in all, I had to give her an 8.75/10 in overall physical attractiveness.

When I asked her if she had a boyfriend her reply was of “I’m sorry, yes” (she mentioned they had been dating two months), but she kind of answered before totally turning round to speak.  It was as if she expected some loser to have asked the question, because the glee on her face was immediate once facing me.  At the risk of coming across as an attempt to swell my own head, she followed her answer by saying “I’m just grateful that you spoke to me, because you look amazing.”  To think this comment was when my skin was at its palest, so when I saw her last night, after I have spent a month in Australian late summer sunshine to give a tanned glow, I can’t help but wonder what she thought.  In terms of that evening in February, our paths just drifted as usually happens in a crowded place.

Nevertheless, last night was clearly not going to give me great opportunity to escalate.  It didn’t take long to realize she was a little too close to a guy to think he was just one of the usual lapdogs admiring her existence.  I further noted she was even wearing a cheap engagement ring, or at least some ring on the commitment finger.  Four months of dating (and it could have been anything between two months to four months) and a ring goes on the finger.  Really?

The guy wasn’t bad looking at all, and definitely in the above average facial category.  With her wearing heels, he was an inch shorter than her (he looked roughly 5ft 9”), and his body was in decent shape but no second glance material.  He had that boyband member look going on, and this aligned with his apparent age of 23 to 24.  I’ve never seen anyone wear such tight jeans, and by the time it would take him to pull them off, her panties would have dried up.  I’ll give him a generous 7.5/10 in overall physical attractiveness. 

I don’t know the blondie well enough to know her character type, but when talking to her the first time there was a symbol of girl’s girl written all over her.  When I wrote this post, I highlighted a few tell-tale signs of girl’s girls, and from what I can see in her, it backs up my claim:

• Hot.
• Good personality.
• Dating a younger guy.
• Out with a younger female friend (who looked no older than 23).
• Financial independence (cannot know for sure, although she made it a purpose to point out to me last night that she “buys her own things.”

So in the physical looks comparison alone, he’s boxing above his weight by just shy of 17%.  This is more than my usual 10% to 15% prediction if a guy is run of the mill in other desirability metrics, but with hot girls that gap can exceed this occurrence.  With this in mind, the 17% looks gap is no fall off your seat disparity. 

What becomes more conspicuous to normality than the looks difference of divisions is when hot women, and in particular hot women in their late 20s, are not with men of similar age or older who have a high level of mental maturity, provisioning capability, occupational high status and wealth.  A woman at this age, as much as some may deny it in a way of “what will be will be” or “I’m just having a fun time” statements, is penciling in the next man to be the one who takes her to the alter and maternity clinic.  So unless her younger boyfriend comes from a wealthy family business where his Daddy gives him instant elevation to directorship, and I’ll go on the simple law of average this is not the case, these dynamics never quite add up.  At least, they don’t add up until you dive a little deeper.

From the younger man’s perspective, he is just acting, and his possessive mannerisms and indecisive body language backed this up last night, in the way most men portray when boxing above their weight.  Girl’s girls are the rare women who often do look more beautiful in their mid to late 20s than early 20s, but even if it isn’t the case with this woman, the reality is that she is still hotter than >99% of all aged women in a small city like Derby.  Ultimately, the younger boyfriend has landed a dime on his dick, and he is only going to act supplicated, clingy and jealous when with her.  The fact he cannot use that many years of experience with previous women to aid his knowledge of female emotional psychology, female physical evolution and generally getting inside a woman’s emotive head, further make him come across as a puppet.

And a puppet is a reasonable noun to sum all this up.  Women, even hot women, start to have doubts as the big 30 is approaching.  Because not only does a woman now start to doubt her beauty in relativity to her younger days and younger competition, she is simultaneously dealing with the irritable feeling that manifests from the knowledge that she isn’t with, or she hasn’t found, the man to build a future with.  Again, many will vainly conceal this frustration with “go girl” received comments or “life is about fun, fun, fun” make believe stories, but the deep truth and reality produces doubts about the life as it stands.

So the counteractive measure, with a good number of women in these scenarios, is to erase the beauty doubts first.  What better way to show the world that she is still beautiful than to date a younger man.  If a younger man chooses her ahead of all the girls his age, well it just so proves that her value level is as high as it ever was. Add on the fact that younger men, even the better looking ones, are clueless in dealing with women and keeping them interested, challenged and stimulated, and they make her feel like the princess that she has always been. 

This princess may be getting older, but her crown is still as shiny as it ever was.  So she says to herself, anyway.  Place a ring on the finger too just to further reinforce public awareness that someone loves her. The tick in the box of a lesser looking man is simply a by-product of all this, but still further ego boosting all the same.  And although the boyfriend’s male mates of similar age were all obvious nice guy beta males in the way they were carrying out their demeanours (one of them was even trying to cop off with her), a bit of social proof to be admired by younger men never does a woman any harm either.

Unfortunately, these dynamics rarely have a happy ending.  Ego massaging can drag it on for weeks, or maybe months.  Pride to see it out may add a little more energy to the now weary horse.  But eventually, and sooner rather than later, reality of a fire burning on false fuel takes over.

Because the younger man, and I’ve been this younger man dating an older woman (19 v 25), progressively starts to irritate the woman of his senior that little bit more every day.  Sometimes it is his lack of maturity, personality, provisioning capabilities, responsible mentality or basic low comprehension in how to play women, but sometimes it is actually nothing he is doing wrong himself.  Once women start to doubt him being the one - beyond making them feel better about life and enhancing social media exploitation - they take it out on their younger male partner.  At the end of the day, she can’t blame herself for any of this predicament, can she?

When I did collide with this woman towards the end of the night, I amused myself in the way of a sly comment:

 “I don’t know, you ladies could do better.  Why do you settle for less?” 

She looked at me for a split second, and replied in the way of:

“This conversation is over.”

You got to love life, haven’t you!