“To be a good liar, you need to have a great memory.”
Take a typical Saturday night out in a reasonably populated sized town or city. Depending on the actual destination, there will be approximately 10% of women who have made themselves look glamorous to attain a subjective physical attractiveness rating between 7.5/10 to 9/10. Most of these women will sit at the lower end of this scale, and hardly any will be 9ers. I cannot even remember the last time I saw a 9/10 looks rated women, in my opinion, who was in my line of sight. for any woman who does hit 8/10 or greater, men out there will basically label these eye catching females as the “hot girls”. In relative comparable terms, the percentage of men in this bracket will be less than a third of the female statistic.
Within this typical night out, observations of the interaction of everyone who is out can be fascinating. However, being the way my mind inclines to act, and I would expect many other people process in a similar way, the majority of my study is usually taken up by the way the segment of physically attractive women are behaving. Although many of them will have an average looking boyfriend, or they have been involved with mediocre looking men or previous partners, on a night out of this kind these visually indifferent males will not strike the eyes of women for a single second. If an average looking man knows a physically attractive woman within a network, or if he has a significant amount of personality, charisma or interaction strategy, he can bridge the gap to an extent. But generally women will not engage in an intimate way with these guys.
Women’s reactions to the good looking men - who often, but not always, come across in a more alpha orientated and confident manner - are more complex and intriguing. They will often glance at a man of high visual impressiveness and place themselves in his vicinity, and their emotions can range from total admiration to hostility and jealousy of a man taking attention away from them. Some of the beautiful women will interact socially and friendly with him if he approaches her, as she perceives this to be a ramp up in the status of her value because he makes a conscious decision to talk to her over female competitors. On the other extreme, some will blatantly ignore and reject his advances, even if they did in fact stare or smile at him. This process can often confuse a man, as the obvious thought to have is one of believing she is interested in him. Therefore, why would she then dismiss him? She could be genuinely attracted to him, but as she already has a boyfriend she doesn’t desire to test the susceptibility of her temptations. However, there is another reason, especially if she is single, that most men do not understand. She actually did want him to approach her, but she had consciously made up her mind beforehand that if he did, she wouldn’t interact. This gives her a two-fold benefit within her mind. Not only does she believe this publically increases her status and value - as an attractive guy looks like he is trying to chat her up - but it convinces her that she attains higher value than him as she doesn’t feel the necessity to talk to him. It’s a vain and insincere act, but it is far from uncommon, and it is typical of a good looking woman who is attracted to handsome men but who lives in the knowledge she could never be comfortable in herself if she dated one.
So if these women are not interested in lesser looking men, yet they turn down many of the more attractive males, what are their primary motives? It involves two reasons:
- A night out offers the opportunity to maximize her physical attractiveness for a period of a few hours. Imagine if she works in a uniform working role that limits her exploitation of beauty. She has worked hard all week and she finally deserves to show off her potential to the world and herself. Fundamentally, it is a window of opportunity of approximately six hours where she can feel better about herself. This makes it a much more interesting place for all the men out there.
- Her primary objective of the night is to acquire as much attention, from men and women, as possible. Sure, she may harbour ambitions of finding a man of her dreams on this one night, but as past experience has taught her, these types of events consist of inundated beta males she isn’t attracted to, alongside the better looking jerks with attitudes she doesn’t like. Consequently, she brings it back to herself, with thoughts of raising her perceived value and status, her unofficial and unsubstantiated belief she is more attractive and desirable than her female peers, and generally to feel high inner value. There is absolutely nothing critically wrong or artificial about all this. It’s just that we all wake up in the morning.
I had a recent conversation with a friend about programmes like “The Bachelor”- the theme being that approximately twenty beautiful looking (not all of them in my opinion) women attempt to be the one that the single man chooses. The “Bachelor” himself is usually a young, handsome celebrity, although there has been one series where he didn’t have fame, but he owned a successful company – hence extreme high status. My friend, understandably, believed the whole programme is based around the women impressing the man, proving her worth to him, and creating a future bond, love and happiness for the two of them to share. Basically, he was seeing it through eyes of her being infatuated by him, and her participation being motivated by her admiration of him. My friend’s opinion would be accurate to an extent, as she probably wouldn’t participate if she was repulsed by him. However, my friend misses the fundamental reason. Of all the women taking part in programmes of this nature, they are primarily attempting to raise their own profile, become famous, and create a career on the back of it. If you ever need to know the main reason a beautiful Hollywood actress dates an older and grotesque film producer or director, then look no further. If a male Prime Minister or President of a country was the “Bachelor” on this programme, he would have no shortage of female candidates lining up. She may be disgusted to see his naked body, and she would clearly never love him in true visceral terms, but it would be an easy compromise and sacrifice for the status and life she gains in return.
Of all value metrics that women analyze in a man – physical attractiveness, personality, charisma, wealth, social status, power, emotional security, ability to be a good father, reliability and intelligence – none of these come close to the male appeal towards most women than fame. Extreme fame would be a high profile male celebrity, whilst local fame could be the DJ or promoter in a busy and popular nightclub. The reason is two-fold:
- First, these positions attract the attention of other women around him – other women notice this occurrence, they automatically validate him due to female predilections and approval, and they feel a subconscious need to sign up for the competition in being the one he chooses. He is pre-selected by other women, and they secretly are drawn in by this.
- Second, a popular man with other women elevates her own perceived value if she was to be his girlfriend, along with her perception of how external sources will now view her.
All this leads to the fact that highly physically attractive women will happily enter a long-term relationship was a man as physically attractive as her if he possesses fame, high status, and an avenue for her to raise her own character repertoire at the same time. Where as a good looking man, who isn’t famous or rich, actually diminishes her perception of self-power and value - unless she is a rare woman who sees him as a “trophy guy” - a comparative looking guy with the celebrity fame commodities increases it for her. The circumstance alone is enough for her to remove the vulnerable thoughts of him cheating on her, or her not feeling higher value when with him. This scenario elevates her ego. It all delivers back to attention. The handsome man lacking in any fame takes attention away from her.
Whether they admit to it or not, one of the main reasons a physically attractive woman would choose to be in a relationship with an average looking or ugly looking man is due to her belief he would value and treat her better than the good looking male option. This may be true in some cases, but I would always challenge on this basis: a good looking man can value his beautiful girlfriend every bit as much, or more, than an average looking man, it’s only that he isn’t as concerned to lose her because of his confidence in other future options. There is a distinct difference. If a woman has the choice between an average looking man who has one opportunity to cheat on her, or a handsome man who has ten opportunities to cheat on her, she would naturally choose the former. The counter-argument to this is: wouldn’t the average looking guy be more likely to cheat, as his knowledge is that he wouldn’t have this kind of opportunity again? The good looking man, whilst with more opportunities, doesn’t see any of them as anything he hasn’t seen before. He values what he has and refrains from the limited temptations.
As a final thought, I actually had a brief conversation with a single, good looking man some years ago. I thought I’d test the water, so I asked him why he was in fact single. In an arrogant, yet unsurprising way, he justified it as he preferred the playboy lifestyle. Now I only go out in my home city approximately one Saturday night in every six weeks, and without fail he is always out. This could be a pure coincidence, but my better knowledge tells me he is out every weekend with his male mates. So he thinks he’s a playboy yet he spends every Saturday night without a woman and hopping into a taxi on his own in the early hours of the morning. Forgive me for thinking this, but the words and actions do not marry up. I’ll leave it to anyone else to make their own conclusions. As my mother once told me: “to be a good liar, you need to have a great memory”.