Wednesday 6 August 2014

Maintaining a man’s challenge for her…but not too much:

“It seems to me that most good and bad things that collide in our lives are a coincidence of pure accident.  As whilst we prepare ourselves for hours on end in how to deal with these impacting encounters, the reality is we may wait for an eternity for these to occur, and if or when they finally do, we still fluff our lines and succeed in little.  Not that we act any better when placed in spontaneity.  We just simply do not have the time to worry about our next move.”

The world of physical and emotional attraction goes against the tide of logic more than any other aspect of life.  Nothing illustrates this as much as a man’s logical thinking to a woman’s jealousy of his affection and attention received from other women.  This misconception goes against the reality of how beneficial it can be in certain amounts.  His instincts are, before knowledge of this reality, to behave in accordance when in the vicinity of other women, to deny previous interactions of flirting with them, to keep his head down when engaged by an ex-girlfriend when in the presence girlfriend’s company, and to basically maintain a level of low profile when other females are around.  This is the logical perception most men take in this respect - the less jealous and insecure his girlfriend is, the more she will value him and belong to a warm and comfortable environment.

However, although very few women admit to this, whether openly or in their own minds, they need to know the man they are accompanying is desired by other women.  A woman doesn’t want him to cheat on her, but she has to live in the belief he could cheat on her if given the opportunity.  To explain in another way around this psychological thought process between her ears, if she is in a relationship with a man who is attractive to other women, but he has chosen her as his one and only, this raises not only her perception of his own status, but in turn it increases her own self-value.  It is one of the easiest and cost-free ways she can inflate her ego and external validation without carrying out a single move.

As men, we’ve all been there - minding your own business in a social environment with your current partner, when along comes an ex-girlfriend or a woman from an historic sexual encounter.  If men aren’t keen on their girl of today, then of course, it would have no adverse effect to flirt constantly, as there is little to lose either way.  It is when we attain extreme predilections towards the one we are with that it starts to become more complex, as our natural inclination is to limit any conversation or dialogue with the ex-girlfriend and hope this diminishes any jealousy or drama.  However, here’s the thing – a man’s current girlfriend desires the drama and jealous acts, within reason.  She knows she has you, and whilst feeling vulnerable in this moment, once it is over she will value her man that bit more.  A scenario can often paint a thousand words, and if you ever see an attractive woman with an average looking man who has two children from a previous relationship, this emphasizes how a woman’s mind can often work.  

If the roles were reversed, the majority of men would view this situation as hassle and emotional baggage he could do without.  When the woman is placed in this dynamic, she lives in the knowledge and proof that another woman treasured his worthiness before she came along.  A single man, whilst on the face of it is a great catch, is often seen by women as a lower status male.  Even a single relationship status good looking man can appear more undesirable than an average looking man alongside another woman.  Women can believe what they want to believe, and often it is a belief that no other woman pines for him.  Research has shown that single women are more attracted to a relationship committed man on a like for like basis, and I believe this is often a three-fold explanation:

  • A man in a relationship is evidence of a man who other women value.      
  • He is more of a challenge to capture from another woman.
  • His demeanour around other women is more comfortable, it is more relaxed, and less supplicated because of his disposition in having someone.  Potential female seekers are instinctively aware of this, and they become magnetized to this kind of attitude.

So if we have established it is beneficial to keep women on their toes in this sense, should men act like this all the time?  Unfortunately, it isn’t this simple, as a man’s level of physical attractiveness, in conjunction with his perceived grade of value and status, will add complexities to how far he can, or should, push it.  Pushing a woman’s jealousy, in addition to raising his value in her mind, cannot be taken as a blanket load of consumption, and the four types of men need to pinpoint their accuracy accordingly:

Ugly / Below average looking man

In the way the world works, an ugly or below average looking male can easily secure an average looking woman.  Depending on his other sexual market value traits, a beautiful looking woman is also by no means out of his reach.  Outside of a world of fame and unlimited money, the latter mentioned probability is rare, but far from non-existent.

In this scenario where he is punching above his weight, the likelihood is that the woman he is with is glorified in insecurity and a lack of self-confidence, hence why she requires him for an ego boosting comparative figurehead.  Nevertheless, she may not always feel like this way of pumping up her self-value is enough, therefore an ugly guy still has to convince her that other women find him appealing.  In fact, the ugly man must assert effects of this kind more than any other type of guy out there.  His girlfriend isn’t going to truly believe other women will find him desirable, so the odd mention of the office girl leaning against him will not go a miss.  At the very least, she could find him more challenging if only one other female in the universe is tempted by his attributes.

Level of necessary interaction with women: very high

Average looking beta nice guy

This guy is like the division up from the ugly guy.  If he is dating a woman on his physical attractiveness level, then his intensity and frequency of interacting with females needs to be moderate.  However, many of these men do secure women better looking than themselves in relative terms, often through female needs to feel valued by him and within herself.  Again, his starting phase of challenge in her mind is her low, as she lives in the knowledge she is as good as he can attain.  This is fine in the early stages of the relationship, as idolizing and the kind acts he delivers are the things that get her heart racing.  This feeling has a short shelf life, and once she realizes no other woman in the first six months of the year has even as much as glanced at him, his challenge to her is next to nothing.

At this stage, the beta man with the average looks has to pick up the momentum and prove his worth to her and to other women.  She doesn’t actually believe he could cheat on her, and this is like an accident from a pre-determined dream.  Whilst subtle deliverables are paramount, tactics like talking to other hot women in bars or taking her to female predominant environments is necessary, because although they may not objectively find him attractive, his girlfriend can start to form a fiction that they actually do.  This fantasy alone, no matter how far from reality it may be, creates a story of belonging to a man who female peers are drawn towards.  Many women will produce anecdotes to their friends that other women in the bar last night were checking out her man.  This economy of the truth, or sometimes blatant lies, will increase her perceived importance level from an external perspective.

Level of necessary interaction with women: moderate to high

Bad boy

The bad boy or jerk offers the easiest explanation of all.  Women, especially the naïve ones, are often polarized to this kind of man through his reputation and social status above any other positive trait.  Whilst possessing alpha characteristics, these guys are not always the extreme best looking of men in the field.  In addition, they are rarely the most successful, wealthiest or the most personable and charismatic of the male race out there.  A woman is predominately attracted to the fact he is popular with women, and the fact she knows he does flirt and interact - often sexually - with other girls.

With this regard, a bad boy actually has to change very little about his ways.  In fact, if he strangely refrained from being a “babe magnet”, his coveted girlfriend would actually lose her own attraction in him, as at the end of the day, this is what attracted her to him in the first place.  Unlike a high value man, most women are not in awe of the perennial bad boy, as his shortcomings allow belief that he is not on another level in overall value.  He is a challenge without being unattainable or mundane, and this manifests as the perfect solution for many women.  Of all the types of men out there, a bad boy is tailor made for maintaining the challenge in a woman’s mind.

Level of necessary interaction with women: High / Same as usual

Handsome high value man

Not to put too fine a point on it, this man has the most complex balancing act.  Many women reject this type of man with high value due to losing their self purpose in life if they were to be with him in a long term relationship.  Even a good looking woman can immediately feel uncomfortable when alongside him, and many women of all kinds can give this small segment of men undue grief even before he opens his mouth.  Due to women being most guarded around these guys, a high value man has the imperative issue of treading carefully.  He cannot afford to show any great level of illustrating he is unattainable, as this will lead him into pre-conceived rejection with potential admirers.  Because of this circumstance, a high value man has the refined task of treading carefully in pushing her jealousy buttons.

Unlike ugly and average looking guys who ultimately need to raise their value in their girlfriend’s mind, a good looking man, irrespective of value level, often has to decrease his level within her belief.  Due to his good looks, she already places him on a high challenging level, whether proven or not, and she automatically believes other women will find him as a desirable human being.  Consequently, whereas lesser looking men need to be proactive in acquiring attention from her female counterparts, a better looking man can play the reactive game.  He has to be aware that, whilst a requirement of jealousy and challenge will always be required, her disposition sits nearer the emotional susceptible extreme, therefore any perception of too many women by his side can lead to thoughts of an easier life with the average looking males. This is a fundamental reason to women going for these average men in the first place.

Level of necessary interaction with women: Low to moderate

Women love a challenge, and they love the thought of being with a man who keeps them on the tip of their toes, but quite often they will also go through a phase where safety and security offer a better option in that point in life.  Once there, a woman can then become bored or disinterested, and she once again requires a challenge.  In theory, it’s easy to summarize.  If a man starts as a low challenge - an ugly or average looking guy - he needs to interact and become a higher challenge to maintain her interest.  If he starts as a high challenge - a high value good looking man - he has no choice but to maintain the level or slightly adjust it down, depending on the mood of the situation.  If he is a man going through the unconditional and unapologetic bad boy phase, then he just needs to carry on regardless, as this type of woman is with him for the exact reasons for who he is.


  1. Dude, most awesome intelligent, well written blog I've seen. Most of your articles are gold. Cheers mate

  2. I think you got most of this bang-on. Women want to know their man is desireable, but would never cheat.

    And if he's TOO good-looking, he doesn't need to "prove it" at all. He's already threatening enough just being himself.

    1. This is where the "pitch" is probably toughest - in being a very good looking man. My late father always taught me that the the better looking a man is, and the more assets (clothes, car, etc) he has, the more humble he needs to be. He was right.

      But sometimes this same man can stray too far to the right side of humility when interacting with women (or people in general), and in turn he starts to care too much about their feelings and how they respond to his superior blessings. With a lack of success using this strategy, he may then flip too far to the other side, acting a little cocky and even arrogant. This, with most women, would be even worse.

      So ultimately, a very good looking man just needs to be himself and open up neutral conversations about the environment they are in. Pro game technique openers, as advised by PUA's, are not necessary to a point with men of the highest physical attractiveness level. He should abide by the 3:1 question rule - only ask 3 questions before she asks him one back. Is she is not forthcoming, the likelihood is that she acts this way because of her inferior comparative self-value feelings. If this is the circumstance, he should walk away and leave her to male safer bets.