“Sometimes people don’t tell you everything, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. It could just mean they are trying to protect you. It could mean they are hiding something for your best interests. It could mean they are manipulating a situation, as they are none the wiser to how things will turn out. Or it could mean they are refraining from speaking the words, in order to suit their own agenda.”
If you’re a good looking man in an environment that isn’t exactly inundated with other handsome counterparts, the truth is you’re going to stand out. At this point, the job you do, your personality, your whole stature and your background hold no relevance to how you are perceived by women. You will still need to hold a presence, because even the best looking man in the world will soon lose his desirability if he holds his head down and has slumped shoulders with an expression of having the world’s problems to encounter. If you are this guy who stands out then you hold a distinct advantage over all the average looking men out there, but it’s important to stress this privilege also comes with some drawbacks.
Now at this point it is worthwhile in re-iterating that a woman’s perception of a man she doesn’t know will rule her conclusion to what kind of person he is. If she sees an average looking to below average looking guy, she will hold perceptive emotions ranging from nothing to moderate or unemotional. With a relatively ugly guy, outside of the immature, vicious women who may choose to ridicule him, the majority may be emotively dressed in sympathy for him. With a good looking guy, some will address admiration and inquisitive looks, and these are usually the strong and confident females out there. However, if she doesn’t know this handsome man, a high percentage of women will act in the more belligerent manner. There are many reasons she does this:
“It’s so easy for him to look good”
So she has seen this naturally good looking, tanned, charismatic and well-dressed guy in the first bar she goes in on a random summer’s Saturday night. She has spent the last two hours making herself look as attractive as she possibly can, and even then she has self-doubts in respect to her worthiness once she sees a younger and more beautiful woman. The whole week leading to this night was based around her office talk to what she will wear, who she is going out with, and what is going to happen. So here she is after all this build up and effort, only to see a guy across the room who has effortlessly arrived looking at least as physically attractive as her in relative terms, knowing it would have taken him a fraction of the time to do so. Guys like this have it so easy don’t they, so it’s no wonder her immediate emotion is one of hostility towards him.
His confidence and swagger
There are some women out there who can possess an air of confidence, and they can portray it naturally, but if you were to scrutinize a man and a woman on a direct physical attractiveness comparison basis (they were both 7/10), then far more often than not the male example would show more of a swagger. Some men can go over the top to the point where it is counter-productive, and they can actually repel women instead of attracting them, but if conducted in a genuine and balanced delivery it can be a game winner for him. So whilst she is kind of attracted to his confidence in a sort of delayed way, her immediate thoughts are of someone who loves himself. It’s another perception of bitterness.
Her sexual market value is no higher than his
Ok, she might not know him, but straight away in her mind she knows his value is higher than hers. At the very least, it is even. Now the most important part of demonstrating value in a woman’s mind is her physical attractiveness. Women will secretly prefer a man who is higher value in as many areas as possible - with the notable exception of physical looks. This is the main indicator to why observation will offer evidence to many beautiful looking women with average looking, but often high status, men. A woman relies on her looks as her trump card over a man, and no matter how good a job he has, how great a house he owns, and how much charisma, personality and popularity he possesses, as long as she is better looking than him then she feels higher value. Or she can believe in the fiction of it. But place a good looking guy in front of her and she feels vulnerable. At least a beta male, average looking as most are by nature, places her in comfort. A handsome man gives her an insecure disposition.
He’s having fun
Again, some good looking men are as stern and serious looking as women, and they can show worried signs to how they look and how others perceive them. However, you only have to observe a typical night out to visualize men appearing to have more fun than women. Men basically take their lives less seriously than women. Some men may be acting a touch immature, but you will see them smile and laugh a lot more on a larger scale basis. A guy will be with his male friends, joking around with plenty of conversation, especially early on and before testosterone levels increase in their battle for women. In contrast, many women are too busy wondering who is looking at them, or they are in unofficial competition with friends or other women with regards to who is receiving the most attention. If she sees this guy, she probably thinks “not only is he cute, charismatic and hot, but he’s also enjoying himself.”
Women are magnetized to him
Men who believe it is unproductive or damaging to their success in attracting women if they are seen in the company of many other women are believing in a misconception. Women who say this is the case – that they find a man less attractive if he is being suited by women – are giving out false messages. The truth is this scenario actually attracts women more to him. Nevertheless, if she sees more women staring in his direction than the beta males are doing likewise with her, in her mind he wins this competition against her. It’s only fair to say that some women do accept, and even like it, that a handsome guy is being a “babe magnet” without even trying. But from my experiences it is the more attractive women this annoys. She becomes aggressive in body language and giveaway expressions, and any attraction of admiration she has towards his physical impressiveness can go beyond effectiveness to him, and it can turn towards jealousy and bitterness. There’s a fine line between love and hate, and it will depend on the strength of character of the woman. If strong, it will further make her desire him. If weak, she will move onto someone more attainable, and someone who reduces her risk of rejection. To summarize this point: it isn’t so much the fact he is getting attention himself that distresses a woman, as much as the fact she believes it bursts her own bubble of self superiority.
He can attract and acquire younger women
This is the horror movie come true for a woman who is now in her mid to late 20s, or beyond. If a man of similar age has looked after himself, by the time he reaches his 30s he is in his physical peak. Not only this, but he has naturally pumped up his sexual market value due to higher level of resources, personality, charisma and status. Women as young as eighteen or as old as fifty will find him appealing. Women do not age as well, through little fault of their own. It is just an act of nature. Whilst she may not necessarily want a younger man (but even if she did), the likelihood is this less mature guy is preoccupied by the girls his own age. Believe me, if you start dating a woman in her late 20s and she finds out you have a history of dating younger women, her emotions will translate into insecurity, self-consciousness, jealousy and sometimes even hatred.
She doubts she is good enough for him
Women of all ages, once in sight of a man they feel a level of attraction to, will have instinctive thoughts of how they view him as mate material. This may only be for a few seconds in a bar or a supermarket, or it could be hours consumed in solitary thinking to how the guy at work excites her. People have an immediate, but usually accurate, assessment in comparing their physical rating with the person they are considering from the opposite sex. If a woman has primary skepticism to her visual appearance being as impressive to the outside world as his, she will often show hostile reactions towards his presence. More often than not it will be justified by claiming this man is simply not her type, but this is only a way to protect her ego and hide her evident weaknesses. A woman in this predicament will have a belief, rightly or wrongly, that a better looking man could never value her beauty as much as a lesser looking man would do so.
As mentioned previously, women will seek a man to have excess value in as many emotional attractiveness criteria as possible – with the notable absence of physical appearance. Whilst our human nature is primarily prone to view the face of someone from the opposite sex, our emotional inclinations force us to rapidly also assess their physique. You only have to talk to a large cross section of the female society to get a grasp on their anxiety of their bodily features and profile, and this concern places them even further into the world of questioning their beauty. If a handsome man also possesses stand out bodily features, he can find himself in a position where a woman could never feel comfortable in comparison. A man should never be fooled into women at work grueling over, or talking about, men with abdominal muscles, a toned body frame and chiseled jaw-line, and believe this is the general conception to the man they would choose to date. In reality, only the strongest of female characters prefer to be with someone who is extremely attractive in facial and bodily terms. This said, an average looking man with alluring physique, or even a below average looking man with a good body, has far greater leeway in avoiding this kind of negative reception from women in comparison to a good looking man.
He can sleep around with pride
It’s the old age argument isn’t it? If a man sleeps around he is given positive labels like a “playboy” or a “love legend”. If a woman does likewise she is a “slag” or a “whore”. It’s not fair, but it’s just the way it is. If he chooses to live this life, providing he isn’t actually cheating on any one of them, then he is applauded by men and almost desired by women. If a woman mirrors this life, she is frowned upon by women and men alike. She has to disguise her actions with justifications of believing they were an item, or that he was a jerk she didn’t know that well. It’s just another example of a man having leeway in this case, and most women do not like it. It is an unwritten rule that a man’s market value in the sexual world is judged by his quantity of sexual accomplishments. In the case of a woman’s likewise judgment, it is the number of high calibre men she can find to commit to her.
He tans quicker, easier and better than an attractive woman
Nearly every person, male or female, prefers to look at their reflection in the mirror with a glee of a sun tan. It brings us happiness and makes us look more attractive and healthier. Many men are now resorting to sun lounges in the winter, and it is a fair assessment that women by numbers will be even greater. However, if a man and a woman from the exact same ethnic origin were to be compared, the man has a naturally darker complexion (Swami and Furnham, 2008). This makes the natural tanning process from the sun easier for men to establish. Like looking good on a Saturday night, it appears women need to try twice as hard, for twice as long, only to not even achieve the same results. When it is a good looking man who inherits a glow to his face, the ultimate consequence is envious eyes from the more jealous orientated female segment. All but two of all my relationships were when I met women in the spring, autumn or winter. The two who I did meet in summer months both possessed strong personalities and confidence. I’m sure this is not a pure coincidence.
So if you ever encounter women being hostile when you haven’t even made a wrong move or said a single word, these are reasons to understand. She is making her mind up about you based on nothing more than a negative perception. If you approach these kinds of women then expect compliance tests of the highest aggressiveness, body language in pretending to not be interested, refrained response to your interaction, or rejection in order for her to protect her emotions and ego.
There is an argument, and I have even put this to myself from time to time, that it may be advisable for a good looking man who is looking to increase his overall success with women, to scale down his look. This could be in the form of a more conservative hair or dress style. Personally, I believe this is a bad idea on four fronts:
- First, a man in this instance is more than likely gaining pride, self-esteem and, most importantly, confidence from styling himself in such a way. This act is self-fulfilling, and it serves as a recipe for greater efficiency in approach, interaction and relationship situations.
- Second, if a man chooses to scale down in this sense, he is fundamentally changing his own predilections to suit a woman. Whenever a man feels the need to validate his presence to seek approval from a woman, he is in fact lowering his own psychological value to below hers. Consequently, any benefit reaped by comforting her insecurities is negated against this process in which he de-values his worth and projection of the power between the two. Basically, any man changing his own preferences for a woman will produce a mindset that is convincing of a woman being higher value than his own. With this irrational (or any level) of confidence removed, a woman will sense this susceptibility and turn it into a negative on his behalf.
- Third, even if a very good looking man was to take this option in toning his presence down, there is no guarantee it will prize a substantial amount of reward with these insecure females. A woman will first and foremost look at a man’s facial and bodily features in comparison to her own physical looks, therefore the less eye catching style will be negligible in the whole scheme of her perception. Furthermore, exceptionally high calibre and physically attractive women (who are usually found in higher populated cities with more open minded people), or women who are generally more confident to date a good looking man, will view this average style in detrimental, rather than a positive, light.
- Finally, and most importantly, is the actual woman’s characteristics in being this way inclined. If a woman is already intimidated, hostile or jealous of a man with good looks, a more mundane hairstyle and outfit isn’t going to remove her innate vulnerability. A woman with a man of this extreme handsome circumstance will always be placing doubts in her mind with regards to the visual imbalance, even though she will disguise these thoughts with fictitious reasons away from the truth. If a good looking man is of high value with a strong and firm mindset, he must ask himself if a woman of this weak nature is of any use to him beyond a short term experience in contributing to his sexual collations.
To pick on the debate of style and its fine balance, I can draw upon an experience of my own during a recent winter period. I purchased myself a designer coat that definitely stood out from the crowd. In my opinion, it oozed style without bordering onto being extravagant. When I wore it for the first time on a Saturday night out in my home city of Derby, it was apparent how many women looked at it with a sharp, abrasive and aggressive look. It was as if they didn’t enjoy the fact it captivated spectators in the bars we ventured in. Even a young man complimented on it, but he made a caveat to his comment in a way of stating it was “wasted” in a town like this.
When I wore the same garment for a five day vacation in New York City, the reactions and genuine positive remarks about the coat were as if I was living in another world. I knew this was the case beforehand – the difference in receptiveness of style between a small town and major city – but in the space of a few weeks it gave further proof to how young women, and people in general terms, can receive the same person and style with such distinction in dependence of the natives they are accustomed to being around.
As human beings we can spend a lifetime striving for perfection, trying to be perfect, and hoping to impress and attract people. This is what we believe people need us to be. When we reach our potential, strangely they are consequently alienated from us. In the case of good looking men in the face of a woman’s feelings, it is often increasing her attraction but reducing her positive thoughts towards him. Of course, it’s far more advantageous to have her attracted to him than to only like him on a platonic basis, but to have both is more preferable in order to have further success in sealing the deal with women. He just doesn’t want her to like him too much.
Acknowledgements and further reading
Furnham, A. and Swami, V. (2008). The naked woman and man. The psychology of physical attraction, 4, 46-47.