Wednesday 25 June 2014

Men dating younger women

“There is a time in our life when we are too young to even blink at the future, and another time when we are too old to think of anything but what lies ahead.  And then there is the middle ground, when we simply do not know whether to smile back at the past, or increasingly worry about the dark roads ahead.”

There is a consensus from many men, and even women, that the older a woman becomes, the less physically attractive she is progressively seen to others.  This isn’t every woman, and this is important to point out.  However, taking away the celebrity females or those who have the disposable income to pay for cosmetic surgery, then it will be a fair argument to say that most women you know will not show improvement post 25 years of age.  In other words, a 21 year old doesn’t usually look any more attractive when she reaches 25.  Taking it on further, a 25 year old will look less attractive when she reaches thirty.  Not all women, but most.  Many aspects of life progression such as having children is the main contributor, but even women who have not experienced motherhood will still fall into this fact of life.  I guess it’s simply “mother time” - girls mature earlier than boys in their teens, and consequently they physically age quicker in their 20s and 30s.

Now I have many male friends or acquaintances that have also followed the same path.  They were relatively attractive guys in their late teens and early 20s, but then they encountered their good friends in alcohol, fast food and the late nights of regular occurrence.  The inevitable result was weight gain and looking a little fatigued.  If they never lose this habit of life then it is a domino effect of looking older and older.  On the other hand, if a man acknowledges this kind of living will significantly and rapidly age him, he can adjust his life to suit.  He can take the conscious decision to eat better, sleep longer, drink less alcohol and join a gym.  These are the sacrifices he must make, but they are just some of the actions he can take to look after himself.  If he does, unlike most women, he can improve his physical look and appeal.  He may have lost his boyish looks, but instead he develops a more defined, groomed and mature appearance.  Throw in the fact that he is now conceivably earning much more money than previous years, combined with owning his own property, and he becomes quite a catch.  It is the unspoken consequence that the older a man gets, the higher his sexual market value can become.  In contrast, it is usually the opposite effect in a woman’s world.

A man in this situation has the natural ability and attributes, providing he combines it with personality, charisma and a level of interaction strategy, to attract women as young as 18 to as old as 45.  The younger category of females will usually visualize him as a guy in his mid 20s because of his youthful look in comparison to his chronological age, and even when knowledge of his years may intimidate her, it also excites her as well as massaging her ego.  The older extreme of females will see a younger man than her, but someone with a developed presence.  She will place her bet on the basis he is at a stage in his life when persona outweighs an immature attraction, and although there will always be doubts to whether it could work, again, dating this guy will inflate her self-value.

The blog will later cover the advantages and disadvantages of a relationship with an older woman in another post.  As most men in this luxurious position would opt for the younger women, there are a number of positive and negative considerations they have to understand, whether that is prior, during, or even after his experience with a female in this age bracket.  For clarity, I would define an age gap relationship to be 7 years or greater, but the following points are not just relative to a younger woman in number terms.  Simply put, even a woman who is only 4 years younger could in fact act in a way where she appeared double this.

Pro1: Easy on the eye

Let’s start with the obvious attraction to a man - she is basically good to look at.  Even girls of 18 look older, and she will be at her physical attraction peak.  As heterosexual humans, whether in a relationship or not, we are naturally inclined to be drawn to those most sexually attractive to us from the opposite sex.  Men further reinforce this analysis, as they are drawn to a greater need of a girlfriend’s physical look.  Putting aside the sex for a moment, it is a good feeling to know you are with an attractive woman, irrespective of her other attributes.  She makes a bad day seem good, and a good day appears to be amazing.

Pro 2: Sexual Arousal

Even men out there who have the sexual arousal threshold of a frog, and can become erect by just the basic nakedness of any woman, will still have varying arousal levels depending on how attractive he perceives her to be.  In truth, younger women are not as experienced or as knowledgeable in bed as their older counterparts.  Needless to say really, such is experience being exactly that.  But in my time, experience isn’t the only factor.  A young, attractive female is also prone to be self-conscious when the lights go out, and you pretty much do the work yourself.  However, even if this is the case, your arousal will be greater than when alongside the older woman with skills.  A man who denies this is the case is either that jumping frog mentioned, or a complete liar.

Pro 3: Self Ego

Whilst men are not near to the same spectrum of requiring attention and ego escalation as women, it’s not a bad internal feeling to have a younger bit of stuff standing next to you.  I guess it’s the whole “trophy girl” label that convinces a man he still has his own look too.  For less physically attractive men, it is a signal of his other attributes – his overall sexual market value – being desirable.  His friends look across in admiration, envy or jealousy, and although you shouldn’t care what they think, nobody can deny the old bit of self-fulfillment doesn’t bring a cheeky grin to their face.

Pro 4: She’s a natural follower

To disregard age for a moment, women in general terms prefer a man who can lead the relationship.  It illustrates positive male traits of confidence, leadership and pro-activeness.  Due to a younger woman’s sometimes infatuation and admiration of an older, experienced man, she will follow his every move to the point of being a puppet.  It is the rare time a woman questions her own belief, as she almost instantaneously thinks he must be right about it.  This can draw negatives too, but after inundated encounters with older women stating black is white, a period of this kind is like a breath of fresh air.

Pro 5: Less committal

Of course, if you are a guy in a hurry to settle down then this issue is a drawback, but the counter argument would be if you are this guy, why are you with a younger woman?  Assuming you are the usual man who is a touch indecisive, indifferent and nervous when the commitment word is mentioned, and you are one who has had past relationships come to an end due to her desire to commit, then a younger woman will usually give you this breathing space.  Nevertheless, it is still beneficial for a man to be aware of those early learners: those who may be attempting to trap a man, as they are aware they are onto a good thing if they meet a high calibre man.

Con 1: Immaturity

Drama, texting when you are around, wanting her own way, acting spoilt, running away when you disagree with her, and calling her friends and family bad names – are all part of the trials and tribulations of being with a younger girlfriend.  Does this sound familiar?  If not, then it will be soon.  Unfortunately, it comes with the territory.  With all this said, I have dated a mature minded nineteen year old in comparison to an immature twenty-eight year old.  However, this is the exception, and immaturity from a mental perspective is a usual hand in hand consequence in being with a younger woman.

Con 2: Just not mentally stimulating

You have been seeing her for a couple of months, the sex is great, she looks incredible, and surprisingly you have enjoyed the time together.  Then one day you have an issue in your life you would like to share with her, and for her to give you an honest opinion.  But she fires a blank.  Over time, you realize her mind hasn’t developed in these tender years to give a view of substance outside of her own life or reality television programmes.  Only time will tell if she is someone who has the potential to one day surprise you.

Con 3: Her friends

All this negative talk about a relationship with a younger woman in the short-term is overrated, is it?  At least this may be what a man is saying to himself after a month or so.  You think she is mature beyond her years, she is trustworthy and generally a good person to talk to.  Then one night you join her and her younger girl friends with their respective younger boyfriends for a night out.  Whilst the girls are talking about their usual irrelevant and unimportant things going on, even the younger guys are annoying you.  It’s not their fault, as they are only acting the exact way you were yourself ten years ago.  But this comprehension of life’s natural progression doesn’t make it any easier, and an hour spent with them seems like a week.  Even your girlfriend has brought herself down to their maturity grade, and you wonder if you can go through another night like this, irrespective of how she looks.  I would quite comfortably say that this is the biggest obstacle in standing in the way of it working with her.

Con 4: Different Interests

So you’ve had a tough day at work and you’re looking forward to a night in front of the television with her up against you.  Then a text arrives at five o’clock stating she is all up for going out.  The hard truth is that the energy levels between the two of you are worlds apart.  Furthermore, the things she gets excited about are only what you did yourself in a previous life.  They are things you certainly do not choose to do all over again.  There is only one word that comes to mind here - compromise.  Unfortunately, compromise to a woman can be interpreted into going down your path in a one in ten ratio.

Con 5: Differing objectives in life
You like the girl, things are going well, and quite frankly you cannot see yourself being with anyone else.  You may not be exactly ready to put a ring on her finger, but the thoughts of the next step haven’t escaped your mind either.  Then one night she mentions her two friends who are talking about going abroad for the summer to participate in giving out flyers, or some other dead end job.  She is considering joining them.  Life is ironic, isn’t it?  After spending years hiding from commitment with other women, suddenly the boot is on the other foot.

In summary, I would comfortably say the strength of the good points outweigh the bad points.  It is a case of “suck it and see” outlook, and not placing too much emphasis on the relationship or her.  Outcome dependence should be replaced by enjoying the moment.  It’s important to give her space and let her do her own thing.  If a younger woman senses supplication in an older man, she will summon this deficiency more harshly than her previous boyfriend of a similar age.    This older man and younger woman compatibility is ideal for the typical alpha male, as he will view it more as a short term fix with a “what will be will be” attitude.  A beta male, even an older beta male, will simply become attached and more jealous with her outside activities.  The alpha male doesn’t suffer from this jealousy because the whole thing is only one thing going on in his life.  He puts himself first, and this is imperative with this kind of woman.  There’s no doubt about it, she will be putting herself first too. 

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