Women papering over the cracks of a broken heart

 

“Getting over someone or something cannot be conquered by a weak substitute.” 

 

If ever you desire to analyse the emotional cycle path of a high celebrity woman, and in turn relate it to the way a woman you know or are attracted to emotes in the same way (no amount of fame or money changes the fundamentals of the female emotional mind and heart), you will not get much closer than the British singer, Cheryl Tweedy.  I am not too sure how well she is known across the shores beyond the United Kingdom, but irrespective, the purpose of this post remains the same.

When I came across this article not long ago, it did not derive as any great surprise in what was documented.  Granted, the reports are not from the horse’s mouth so to speak (although I am sure she has said such things herself in past interviews), but to hear that Cheryl has never fully recovered from losing her first husband in former England footballer, Ashley Cole, was nothing more than what seemed obvious when they were together, and post separation. 

The first sign of a woman’s unconditional love

I remember watching them on a TV program a year before they got married.  They were being interviewed in a taxi on route to some engagement, when Cheryl asked her husband to be whether he was looking forward to it.  His prompt response of “Not really”, followed by her appeasing reaction, showed me two things within a relationship:

1)    He is in control of his own state of mind, and most likely also in full control of his female partner, in not caring what she thinks of his feelings.  He was by no means a jerk when he said it, but he simply knows who he is, and where she fits in.

2)    She held immediate concern to his comfort levels.  She did not get the mood on for him saying something she did not want to hear, and instead, and as was proven when the two of them arrived, she kept looking at him for reassurance that he is at least partly enjoying himself.

Compare this to most relationships of today:

1)    Most men are not in control of their own state of mind, and not at all in control of their female partners.  The majority of men are passive in trying to fit in with the life requirements of their girlfriends or wives, no matter how much they are not comfortable with such things.

2)    Most women do not give a crap about their male partners’ feelings, as long as he accommodates her demands, requirements, and expectations.  You will not find many women looking for the approval of their man.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                        The happiest and most successful relationships are a by-product of a man who makes the key decisions, and a woman who is appeasing and zealous to see him happy.  When the inverse applies – woman dictating the relationship, and man fitting in to her life – both parties end up unhappy.  A balance should always be struck, but the heavy weight needs to be scaled towards the former dynamic.

Further proof of her need to keep him

As the article documented, there were frequent reports that Ashley cheated on Cheryl during the course of their four year marriage.  Whilst he denied all this, if I were a betting man, I would place a bet on him doing this on more than a couple of occasions.  I guess he was just never caught by his wife, or her spies. 

Nevertheless, and on the basis of whether he did deny or confess to her, the facts remained that Cheryl either turned a blind eye to it, or she forgave stayed with him.  The proof is in the outcome, and the outcome was that she stayed put.

Because, whilst I appreciate a lot of women in the ‘real world’ do stay with cheating men, part of this reasoning is because of the implications they see ahead of them.  A lot of these women have children and a lack of financial independence to consider, therefore remaining where they are may appear like the only option.

This cannot be said for Cheryl Tweedy, or Cheryl Cole as she was then.  She had more money than she could spend in a lifetime.  She had no children to consider.  She attained options with thousands of other sought-after men.  With all this considered, she obviously stayed with Ashley through unconditional love.

Post separation papering of the broken heart

A few years later, Cheryl went onto marry a French restaurateur.  They married after three months of dating.  If this is not irrational decision making, then I have no idea what is.  No surprise that less than a couple of years from the wedding day, the two were to be divorced (which in timeframes, most likely meant they were together for little over a year).

I would make a strong prediction that she thought someone like him could finally cure her broken heart from Cole.  On paper, you could make a compelling argument that she had found a more physically attractive man than her ex, and in this case, she could throw the middle finger up to Cole.  In reality however, she was likely acting on a bluff and with wishful thinking that they would live happily ever after, even though they barely knew each other.

Then not long after the split from her second husband, she entered into another high profile relationship with One Direction member, Liam Payne.  Whilst having a kid together represents a little bit more than a simple case of a celebrity relationship just for the papers and to stay in the public eye, the fact they split up soon after the birth of their child once more illustrates that the bond was never born out of pure, simple, and natural love.

Side note

As I have written about this subject numerous times on this blog, it is no coincidence that, as Cheryl crept towards her mid-thirties, she oh so coincidently (I say with sarcasm) ended up with a man ten years her junior in Liam Payne.  This previous post fully outlines the motivations to why women choose this path, and it is most prominent with women in their late twenties to mid-thirties. 

The main reason behind this is most definitely not because she suddenly finds younger men more physically attractive than men her own age or older.  The primary reason is to ease the nagging feeling of getting older in comparison to her younger and hotter female counterparts, therefore, to mitigate this irritable feeling, she starts screening for younger men.

Cheryl most likely epitomises this cycle that many women – especially women who are from the higher scale of female physical attractiveness – proceed with.  Once more though, if she acts with her ego and need to feel better about life, as opposed to what she naturally emotes and feels, it will come back to haunt her sooner rather than later.

A final thought

If you are a man entering into a new relationship with a woman, it is not a bad idea to hold some comprehension to whether she still carries a torch for an ex-lover.  Although, absent of a crystal ball, you will never fully now what happened in the past and how she feels about him now, there are signs you can look out for which determine whether she has moved on, or not.

·       Does she mention him much?  If in nothing more than related passing conversation, this is not necessarily a dreadful thing and there should not be much to worry about.

·       If she appears to mention him at any given opportunity or with no relevance to the topic at hand, this is more of a concern.  It could be that she is just looking to get you jealous (which is usually a good sign that she likes you) or seeking a dose of self-importance (which most women do, so again, not too much to fret over other than her just pissing you off), however keep an eye on this situation.

·       If she mentions him with an indifferent or apathetic demeanour, it most probably signals she has no interest in him for the present or future.  She has moved on.

·       If she mentions him and you notice a tear in her eye or a lump in her throat, the likelihood is she is not over him.

·       If she talks about him in a neutral or complimentary manner, as illogical as this may sound, the probability is that she harbours no ambitions to intimately being involved with him again.

·       On the other hand, if she mentions him in a more negative or slagging off way, this could mean she has not yet got over him.  Much depends on the content of the negativity.

·       Does she still socialize in circles where he will be present?  If so, this is negative on two fronts.  One, it can mean that she still wants to collide with him.  Two, and worse still, she clearly does not give a shit about your feelings or concerns.

·       Similar to the above, is she still in some kind of contact with him?  There is no need whatsoever for a woman, once she starts dating a new man, to stay connected with her ex.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                     The only way to counteract a woman who still appears into an ex is based on two approaches.  First, you politely tell her that you would never even contemplate being with a woman who is still in touch or into her ex.  Second, you play fire with fire.  For every time she mentions an ex moment, you replicate this with a story of an ex of your own.  If she implies that a man (whether her ex or someone else) appears into her, you mirror this with a similar scenario from your own life.  As immature as this approach may seem, often winning the jealousy and psychological battle with a woman is the only way you will win the war.