“A man who can improvise to any given situation, or a man who masters minimal tasks?”
Rolexhandyman asks for my thoughts on a subject never fully elaborated on during the lifespan of this blog:
As usual Ive read most of your stuff, i have yet to read an essay about how you actually go about treating a girl in the bedroom. As I’ve been coaching a small group of teenage boys to understand the gender dynamics, I revert to your essays for clarification. So I ask, if this does not come off too personal. How do you treat a quick lay girl( fuck buddy ) vs girlfriend in the bedroom. Can you dive in more in details, is it true as a man you have to degrade them as much as one can ? Thank you Vinay. Loyal reader here.
You are right, I have never covered this topic in great depth. With this being said, all the lessons you will have learnt and literature absorbed over the years within this blog regarding female emotional psychology, general trends, and the differing types of female characters to suit, should entwine with what I am about to advise.
Q-tip 1: A man should be as rough in bed with a woman as he can, to the point where it does not border onto any negative consequences.
Rolexhandyman, without stating it as such, is perhaps almost answering his own question with implied words. That is, you need to tailor your bedroom game to suit the necessary female character. If I am right in this thought, he is pretty much correct.
With this being said, it is too simplistic to just think any woman wants it as rough in bed as she can physically take. There are too many variables within a female character that need to be considered, which in turn needs to be assessed in how you go about with your aggressive nature.
Fuck buddy girl
A fuck buddy girl should, by and large, be treated like nothing more than a no strings attached lay. When you channel your mind to only wanting to be with her for sex, and she feels the same way (which is not as common from a woman’s perspective), a man should be very forthright in his directions, thrusts, bedroom decision making, positions, and mentality with this kind of woman.
A woman who is a fuck buddy is, by vast majority, a bit of a slut. Exceptions do exist, and this exception is most prominent with a woman who is so desperate to be with the man who is fucking her that she believes by giving him none committal sex, he will eventually take down his guard, give her full loyalty and exclusivity, and find a way to love her for who she is and not what she gives.
Nevertheless, whilst there are many women like this who have a longer view based on opened their legs, it does not conceal from most of them being on the cheap side. In easy analysis, the cheaper the girl, the dirtier she is. The dirtier she is, the rougher she likes it.
Rough sex scale requirement = 8 (occasionally 9) out of 10
The perennial slut
To use a football (soccer!) analogy, if the fuck buddy girl is champion of the Premier League, the perennial slut is the winner of the Champions League. Whilst a fuck buddy girl is cheap, easy, uncommitted and dirty, a lot of these women are only sleeping with one man in the same given timeframe. Whilst this is still not good girlfriend material action, it is better than a woman who sleeps around.
Some sluts are unapologetic in their lifestyle, to the point of bragging and seeking troll points for how many men they can find to sleep with them. This bragging is worthless however, such is the fact it is so much easier for a woman to find a man to sleep with her than the inverse.
Sluts of extreme nature – who are sleeping with more than two men in the same small time span – should be treated like a piece of meat. A man in this dynamic should give her his all, shower her with all semen he attains, and let her know he is the one in control (although a good conventional ride by her and reverse cowgirl position should be very much accommodated). No more questions required.
The lesser slag
This woman sits in between the fuck buddy girl and the perennial slut. She is neither sleeping with just one man on a none commitment basis (hence fuck buddy girl), nor is she sleeping with any man she can lay her hands on (hence the perennial slut).
The lesser slag is a woman who any half alerted man will have come across on numerous occasions, but as men are not fast on the pulse in terms of why women act the way they do, these men never quite fathom the female psychology that sits behind their (women’s) reasoning behind their directives.
I have dated more than a few women who had close friends where I compartmentalized them as lesser slags. In essence, lesser slags receive a little compassion from me, because they are not actually sleeping around through choice. They are sleeping around because they are desperate for a man to commit to them.
Consequently, these women would like nothing more than to find a man, let him take her on a few dates before sleeping with him, and venturing onto a long term relationship. The problem is, whether through poor choice, bad advice, or simply not being attractive enough to play the hard get game, they end up finding a man (maybe on a night out or through a network) and sleeping with him straight away.
As much as men do like the fantasy of easy access to sex, any honest man will admit that, on the basis he is looking for a long term girlfriend, he prefers it if she makes him wait a while. I am not talking like months, but perhaps a few dates or weeks.
With this evaluated, it is no coincidence that a lot of men who find lesser slags do not stick around. This enforces the lesser slag, who let us not forget once more holds a stronger (or as strong) inclination for love than sex, to rinse repeat her actions with another man the following week. Therefore, whilst she may not be sleeping with more than one man during a timeframe, she is sleeping with a lot of men during a small space of time. Ultimately she is in need of a boyfriend, and she gives it up easily, even if with some reluctance to her actions, in hope this leads to his commitment.
Rough sex scale requirement = 8
The Homely Girl
The traits of homely girls have been explained many times in the past, therefore I will not convolute much on this. In easy summary, homely girls love the life of a boyfriend, all the time, and are not really into going out in female parties.
You could argue that a small proportion of homely girls carry lifestyle similarities of lesser slags due to their inner need to find a man, but the difference between the two groups are that, generally speaking, homely girls do not supply sex on a plate for men. They have prides, not so much big egos though, that place a barrier in front of their crotch to avoid coming across as too easy or cheap.
Once with boyfriend, a homey girl’s character translates to the bedroom. Although this kind of woman is the most loyal, faithful, and often likeable woman of all female characters (at least with men who do not put her nose out of joint due to him being more physically attractive than her), her natural shy demeanour often means she is not very experimental in bed. In addition, and at the risk of sounding harsh, she is often not the best in bed too.
All this manifests to leading a man to act with caution in terms of how rough he should be in bed with said homely girl. My advice is to start off slow, caring, and considerate, with plenty of kissing and foreplay to make her feel valued. Each time, a man should crank up the aggression, to the point of stopping where it is obvious he is stepping over the threshold of pinnacle productivity to how she likes it.
Girl’s girls / high maintenance women / High egotistical women
These women have all been bracketed in one group, because the similarities in their female mentality – and their high self-opinions – combine to pretty much form one. In other words, a typical girl’s girl will also possess high maintenance traits and a big ego.
Women of this nature attain self-opinions of themselves, and expectations of what men and the world should provide for them, way over and above any of the aforementioned female types. This woman can be arrogant, unlikeable, unapproachable, unengaging, and hold a thought-process that no man, outside of being filthy rich or famous, is good enough for her.
With this said, a lot of this high self-admiration is a front. Most of my girlfriends have been girl’s girls, and whilst I by no means detract from how I described them above, they can also be some of the best women you will find.
For one, I find these women to be the most physically attractive. I think this is more than a coincidence. Second, due to their somewhat narcissism and high expectations, you will not find many women of this kind who either sleep around with loads of men or, equally who lay it on a plate for a man. If anything, these women make men work too hard. Third, once they have been cracked and put down their guards, they are very loyal to start with.
Nevertheless, whilst they are as loyal and faithful as the homely girl in the short term, these positives hold a shorter shelf life due to their inclination to think that the male partner can do more for her (spend more money on her, get a better house, etc). This usually results in her looking elsewhere sooner rather than later, until she concedes that her beauty is not what it is and the numbers of sought after men are dwindling. Her acceptance of this predicament almost always arrives later than the reality of it happening.
In respect to the bedroom, these women are really the hardest to pitch. I have dated one girl’s girl who wanted it harder (and telling me this mid-flow too, I should add!) than I could even give it to her, to one who was extremely reactive and often just lay there waiting for me to get on with it. For clarity, both were of similar hotness (I would even say the goldfish in the sheets was hotter than the bed whore).
Q-tip 2: Some women’s egos, and their fixation with not coming across as cheap, halt them from being as zealous and relaxed in bed as they would like to be.
With this extreme variable in mind, I go with the majority who leaned more to the extent of the bed whore than the goldfish. Most of them like it rough, but is has to be in accordance with the woman. My advice is, if in doubt, go as rough as possible. The law of averages will be on your side.
Rough sex scale requirement = 8 to start with (moving up over time)
A final thought
The numbers as given illustrate a generic answer to the purpose of this post. A man, in any situation at the beginning, should never go below a 6 out of 10 in the roughness scale with a woman in the bedroom. It will usually need to be 7 and above, even at the start.
Q-tip 3: Most women like rougher
sex than most men are brave enough to give it them.
Caveat to above: Do not mistake porn examples for real life rough sex. Most women like rough sex, but they also hold prides that enforce a mindset to not come across as a slut. Finding that balance is one that experience will offer you.
To answer Rolexhandyman’s final point then, no, there will not be many occasions where a man degrading a woman as much as he can will be advantageous to him. The times it is, will usually be with the lowest calibre (least physically attractive) of women out there.
A final, final thought
Just for fun, allow me to give you my opinion of the percentage breakdown to the women I have exemplified. It is important to note that nearly all women will not always belong to one group over a longer timeframe, but these estimates are based on what they end up being in majority cases.
Fuck Buddy Girl = 2%
Perennial Slut = 1%
Lesser Slag = 10%
Homely Girl = 83%
Girl’s Girl = 4%
In other words, and in spite of women undoubtedly becoming looser, more promiscuous, and further liberated over recent decades, the fact is that the vast majority of women are not giving sex to men on a platter. Those who are, tend to be women I would not be aroused enough to sleep with anyway.