“He who strives attention is a product of weakness. He who obtains attention with no expenditure is a manufacture of excellence.”
There was a personal trainer in the gym I went to for many years within a small town (Burton upon Trent) who I became familiar with mainly because the locals I trained with, who were also friends of mine, were on speaking terms with him. He was always chatty and friendly when they were around, but it did not take long to realize how his eye contact with me was minimal. At the time, one could say this was simply because he was not familiar with me.
As the months (and subsequent years - as he basically never changed what I am about to explain) passed by, his negative and awkward body language around me was as pronounced as any honest person would face up to and admit. When we walked past each other, one on one and with no one either side of each of us, as I held solid eye contact, he would look down. When I was with my training buddies and he was in the vicinity either on his own or with a client, he would go out his way to criticize my form at any given opportunity. Granted, there were times when this critique was justified on his part, but I clearly recall one of the other dude’s technique being worse than mine, yet this PT would not be as verbal towards him.
Another amusing year on year poor execution and attitude on is part was to, around the late springtime, comment on why I was so tanned. The first time he introduced this topic, I replied by saying it was simply because I was mixed-race, and that the sun hits me very easily. I kid you not, the following year he approached the subject in the exact same bitter and hostile manner. This time I responded by smirking and saying:
“Did we not have this same conversation a year ago?”
He just put his head down and tried to appease things by muttering words to the effect that I was lucky.
I will also never forget one more amusing encounter on a random weekday. I could not train on that particular early morning due to work commitments, therefore I went in around 4pm. After a quick workout and shower, he asked me with fear in his question why I was training at this time. His concern was obvious. It is no coincidence that a lot more bangable women train in the late afternoon and early evening in comparison to early mornings, and he feared that if I changed my routine to this nature, the girls he liked would naturally spot my presence.
His physical appearance
As no great surprise with regards to his apparent acrimony and jealousy towards me, I sum up his physical appearance as follows:
· 5 ft 9” in height
· Very good natural physique
· Average facially in looks terms
· Bald / Shaven head
· Pale skin (he liked to tan, but went red as a pickled lobster to start with)
Does this kind of physical summary make you think of anyone or anything that strikes to mind? Basically, he was that typical above average (but no more) man in overall physical attractiveness. The perennial 7/10 guy.
As a mention of his non-physical appearance credentials, he had an unenviable (but not his fault, just genetics I assume) high pitched voice tone. I never saw him drive a car, although he did live in the town centre that would have been easily within walking distance from the gym. Being a personal trainer and based on him attaining a decent list of clients from what I saw and heard, his income would have been rewarding without being exceptional.
A bit more background
Did anyone notice the small-town information in the first paragraph. Basically, being a personal trainer in a small town would make him a well-known guy, as he pretty much was with many. A man attaining high social status accompanied with above average (but not great) physical attractiveness will, providing he held decent other offerings, be a dream ticket for a high percentage of women.
I know of a few women he had nailed. None of them were outstanding, but the ones I knew of were a minimum 7/10. I do not doubt there were many more. As a woman gets the word around that a man has nailed women that she knows, this only attracts said woman as well. It is a compounding positive – the more women who have sexual history with a man, the more other women are consequently attracted to him.
Why the long face around me, mate?
With all this considered, if he already possesses a portfolio of women around him, and a likely prospective female list awaiting, then why would this explain his hostility around me? Before I elucidate the fundamental reason, allow to me to give you a small anecdote which still makes me chuckle to myself today.
One of my gym buddies (Andy), who was not a bad looking man at all himself, was (and still is) one of the great men of the world. He is rarely negative about anything, and his positivity certainly radiates on others.
With these natural traits, it gives an easy simplification to why he is an exceedingly rare man who never had a hesitation in complimenting me. With rarity further exemplified, he embraced my existence rather than resenting it, and consequently he enjoyed being around me rather in contrast to avoidance. The vast majority of men would not praise me (not that I would ask them to or go looking for it in the slightest) if their life depended on it, and they do anything possible to not be near me.
Andy was known to be proud of his good looks, although in fairness I would have rated him as the no more than the higher end of above average (7.5/10). Another gym buddy and his best friend (part of our training group) asked Andy a few years ago if he thought he (as in Andy himself) was on a similar level to me. Andy, in an absolute genuine and gratifying way, replied by saying “No chance”.
Andy later would label me as “Enrique” – as in Enrique Iglesias. Whilst I could not say I was quite on that level, he was not the first person to mention the similarity. One day Andy was having a chat with our personal trainer friend, and as I walked near them, Andy raised his voice to say, “Here he is, Enrique.” He followed it up by telling the PT why he called me that. He also said in front of the two of us (in reference to me) that “He is too good looking for his own good.” I looked at the PT’s face, and it was not a pleasant reaction. A little "Huh" is what I recall him muttering, once more with his head faced to the floor.
In a nutshell, that little story illustrates and emphasizes why this personal trainer was uncomfortable and, quite frankly, not amiable around me. Add on the fact that it is no secret how women will, mainly for troll points, happily broadcast how hot they think a man they know is (even though the vast majority of these women would never choose to date or sleep with said hot man). I would hedge a fair bet that more than a couple of women may have said this in front of him.
The Alpha Male wannabe
One particular training day, the personal trainer gave us some useful tips on chest training. The following day, as I was leaving the gym and he was in the reception area, I commented and thanked him on his good advice. He was probably the friendliest he has ever been with me, although it was no coincidence that other people were around, and it was not just the two of us in isolation.
He started going off on one about how so many young men in there are training inefficiently, and that they are doing it to try and be the main man and an alpha male. Kind of weirdly and unnecessarily, he straight away said – “Not that you are an alpha male.” I thought it was a strange thing to say, as it did not have a true link to say that. It was like he was going out of his way to try and say this and highlight such reassurance of the case in his own mind.
My hunch, and primarily the meat behind the bones of this post, is that he was implying, without saying it in words as such, that he was the alpha male in there.
The Alpha Male…. and his competitors
Here are a couple of celebrity male pictures that would, in my opinion, describe what men like to symbolize as the true alpha male.
Closely followed by the alpha male’s competitors, who are far more effortlessly taking away the female attention from him, and much to his annoyance.
In essence, I think these photos, assisted by the explanations offered in all the above, perfectly sum up the origin to the alpha male. Yes, we can all go back to the animal kingdom or similar, and subsequently analyse how the female species flocked towards the male figure who was attracting all the female (and other male) attention, but we are specifying on human reasoning here.
In my view, the whole alpha male phenomenon manifested via men who were not blessed with great male physical attractiveness – which represents >99% of men – but men who could offer something else where the bridge could be gapped. In their mind, they could convince themselves that women actually prefer this type of man over and above the great looking hunk.
In a way, these men would be right in my perhaps ridicule of their wishful thinking. Most women do prefer this kind of man, just not in the way these men realize. These men (the alpha male wannabes) like to think that women are more sexually attracted to said alpha male. Whilst in minority scenarios this is sincerely the case, it does not portray the real reason in majority instances. The real reason is because said alpha male does not put a woman’s nose out of joint by possessing great male physical attractiveness that takes the spotlight away from her, but he is the next tier below in male looks comparison, concurrent to not being above her gender relative terms level.
Q-tip 1: Once a man fathoms the main reason/s behind how women select men, they are in a much better place to capitalize on securing hotter women than they think they can acquire.
On a recent Friday morning post workout in the gym, I went into the sauna as I usually do. It was pretty much packed (it seats up to fifteen on a tight fit), with room just about for me. There was a discussion going on between three young men relating to Glastonbury festivals, therefore with very little knowledge or passion on the subject, I just listened in.
Once these three men left the sauna after a few minutes, I struck up a conversation with a few of the remaining relaxers. A couple of minutes later, and in walked a juiced up bald/shaven headed man, with tattoos from shoulder to wrist on both arms. He swaggered in and gave it a “Morning chaps” line in a loud voice. I think I had seen him once before. He clearly loved himself, without, in my opinion, the height or raw good looks to back up this somewhat elevated self-belief of his value it would seem.
As the conversation I was in continued, he rudely kept huffing and puffing. There were pauses in the conversation, therefore he had opportunities to contribute should he have wished. Otherwise, out of respect, if you do not desire to take part in a certain conversation then you simply sit there with courtesy towards others.
After a few more exaggerated huffs and puffs, and I mean after little more than a minute from his entrance, he just said “Fuck this for a game of marbles!”, and subsequently got up and left. As we all looked at each other, I just said to the group, “Something I said!?”
One of the other men in there commented that he had seen him before in the sauna, and he likes to lie down at full stretch. This is fine if there are only two or three people in there, otherwise, once more out of respect, you do not do it.
In essence, I draw the easy conclusion. For all the fake swagger, loud voice on entry, steroids, and tattoos, this does not disguise a lack of existential confidence to just mingle into a group accordingly. This theory of mine is reinforced by what the member said about him lying down in the sauna. If other people are present, a confident man has the self-confidence and ease in himself and of other social presence that he can just bring up a conversational topic, and be sociable and amiable. A man who feels the need to lie down and distance himself, with clearly no ease of other social counterparts in a small environment, clearly lacks any confidence and self-assurance to blend in.
Q-tip 2: No amount of muscle, external parading, loud voice, exaggerated banter, tattoos, or bigging himself up, can compensate for the lack of inner confidence a man like this attains. When you see a man like this, your instincts may enforce you to believe he is the biggest alpha male and most confident man in the room. In reality, it may well be you are far more confident in yourself than he is naturally confident in himself. Never be fooled by what you only see on the outside.
Good day mate, thanks for this essay. I think you may have written a typo on the last big paragraph before jason statham picture. As usual Ive read most of your stuff, i have yet to read an essay about how you actually go about treating a girl in the bedroom. As I’ve been coaching a small group of teenage boys to understand the gender dynamics, I revert to your essays for clarification. So I ask, if this does not come off too personal. How do you treat a quick lay girl( fuck buddy ) vs girlfriend in the bedroom. Can you dive in more in details, is it true as a man you have to degrade them as much as one can ? Thank you Vinay. Loyal reader here.
Thanks mate, and I have corrected it.Delete
I will publish a post on this subject at the end of the week.
All the best, and thanks again.