“Summer bodies are made in winter.”
Maybe it’s something nothing more than coincidental about the Christmas build up and into the new year, but pretty much every year I have an experience to draw on and a story to tell with a member of the opposite sex. In some cases, it was simply a steady girlfriend, irrespective to whether we were in a happy relationship or not. Some were shorter flings that suited me nicely (and suited them too on occasions). Others, and I have no problem admitting this was the case, especially when I was much younger, would leave me with that (what I thought was then) broken heart and desperate feeling of hating life.
In the early days (16 to 20 years of age), I couldn’t get my head around the whole thing. The build up to Christmas would generally be warm-hearted, sincere, and very much enjoyable, before the lies, bullshit reasoning and disappearing acts took their normal course of events. Up until 21, I pretty much couldn’t listen to George Michael’s “Last Christmas” song without thinking he was singing about guys like me. If the truth be told, I started each January not looking positively forward to a new year.
The last two years
Being much older and experienced today, in addition to, I hope, being a good deal wiser, what once frustrated me and left me with a bitter taste in my mouth has now transformed into a water off a duck’s back attitude and ahead of the game mentality in expecting the female lies and nonsense stories to never be too far away. That being said, the disappointment still floats on the periphery for each time this expectation of women’s misdemeanours occurs. I guess the fragment of ideology and hope, that still exists in my soul for the person I am today, believes that one day there is a woman out there who can act with the honesty, integrity and maturity I once naively thought would be a by-product of women getting past their immature teens/early twenties and into a grown-up woman. Fat chance…
And case in point, the last two years have brought about women (aged 23 and 25) who acted just like the women I knew back in the early days of dating. Transparent and constant interest in me (hence, bed eyes and proximity alerts) brought about my approach. Numbers were exchanged. They could talk the talk about their availability (hence saying they were single). And almost in true predictability, their actions couldn’t back up their talk. In essence, they both ran a mile.
Once more in predictable fashion, both made extraordinarily little effort to stay in touch post the first interaction. I certainly know enough about text game in terms of limiting the quantity, length and content, therefore it cannot be seen as an over-zealous mistake. Far from it. What made me laugh on both counts was the consistent language where both women claimed they were so busy. The first year we were in partial lockdown, so I’m not too sure what she was doing to be so socially active. When this year’s broad claimed the same excuse (which was actually in a conversation at the gym), my reaction in sarcasm was as plain as “Oh really.”
Are women even bothered when men have sussed them out?
I’ve called out more than a few women for their bullshit in this context over the years. I’m a firm believer that this needs to be delivered in a more humoured and sarcastic manner, as a man who is too firm and hostile in this respect comes across as a man who cares too much. That said, it is better to call out a woman in aggressive mode than to not do it at all. A man who never condemns a woman’s shortcomings when it comes to her lying to him is a man who is basically giving a woman a free meal ticket to trample all over him for every second he exists.
needs to know you are onto her misdemeanours, but she needs to know this can’t
hurt you. Be the firm, rubber ball that
isn’t afraid to stand up to her, but equally a man who will move onto something
else if she continues in this way. If
you do not show this level of authority from the get-go, the only loser in this
dynamic will be you.
Bringing it back to whether a woman is bothered about a man sussing her out, I lean towards two answers:
· Women are so accustomed to being around men who don’t call them out on their lies – hence lapdogs, nice guys and ass kissers - that they are almost defaulted for it to go over them and they can convince their minds that he has not sussed her out. It’s a kind of bizarre 360-degree thought-process where, especially if being called out in a subtle way, they actually think said man believes her.
· A woman attains such a self-blameless perception and vision of her life – in which she is always the victim of everything and never the culprit – that no matter what she does wrong it can always be excused and justified. Most women will always convince themselves that any lie or bullshit devised story is only because she is trying to protect those around her. So, in a once more quizzical way (if you do not understand the way women emotionally and psychologically function), a woman with this mindset can pretty much lie for the rest of her life, and on a constant and consistent basis. There are ultimately no repercussions.
What happens down the line
On more than a few occasions, these women who disappeared and lied to me rejuvenated their interest in me later that year. This happened with the anecdotal woman a year ago, and it was explained in this post.
If this happens to you, then you have a few options:
· Hopefully you have found a better woman than her, in which you can confirm this to run-back woman and perhaps even give her some home truths to how she fell below the bar you expected.
· If you are still single, go into it knowing that the likelihood is she will do the same things again. That said, I’m a big believer that it is far easier and attainable to make a woman act in accordance and with integrity when you are having sex with her, than when you are effectively chasing her as a potential girlfriend or sex partner. In the initial stages, and when she has fallen in love with you, at least.
· Finally (if you are still single), contemplate whether you stick by your principles and do not venture on with her. Much depends on whether you can emotionally distance yourself from the games she will most likely play again in the preliminary stages, as her crave for attention outweighs her attraction onto you. If you can, give her another chance up until the point she strays back to her immature and lying ways. If deep down you know you can’t remove your heart from her games, I’d advise leaving it well alone, and in turn exert your energy onto finding another woman.
It’s all good and well thinking you can emotionally distance yourself from a woman, but this is easier said than done. If you are physically attracted to a woman, and this is further escalated if you enjoy her company too, then rest assured that said woman will use up your mental and physical energy. Only your experience and brain muscle memory mitigate the amount of this energy expenditure.
Any man saying he can always remove his emotions from women is either only nailing low sought-after women or, far more probably, is lying.
A final thought
During this Christmas period, I expect many of you have spent more time with your mothers than you have done so in any other given period within the last calendar year. I also expect that, at times, she has frustrated the hell out of you with some of her mannerisms, personality traits, or general character portray. If you aren’t one of these men, then you are one of the lucky ones.
Maybe she has disappointed you in the past, in spite of you once, in addition to your father and siblings, being in awe of her during your childhood days. Has she even committed a misdemeanour that once or twice left you in shame?
Nevertheless, I hope, in respect to her shortcomings, you have also acknowledged her strengths and the things you like about her in that same timeframe. I’ve always thought that some men become too close to their mothers (and become weak men / “Mummy’s Boys”), however a balance can be struck where you find the middle ground between distance and love. In a similar way, I guess there is a balance between idolisation (most likely when you were a kid) and occasional disappointment (when you became an adult).
And in view of the purpose of this post, I bet your Mum would give her life for your welfare, she never (or rarely!) lies to you, she thinks of you all the time, she would give her last dollar to you even if her sacrifice was starvation, and she worries every hour of the day in concern to whether life is getting you down or the better of you? Have you ever met a woman, girlfriend, fiancé or wife where you could honestly say she ticks each, or even any, of those boxes? I very much doubt it.
Happy New Year, and I wish you all the health and happiness in 2022.