Tuesday 21 December 2021

Have winter boyfriends been compromised?


“Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

(Winston Churchill)


How much has changed since this previous post was published over eight years ago?  Some may argue a fair bit, whilst I expect many more will say it is very little.  I still stand to the latter by and large, however the last couple of winters have made me question this somewhat.

I also published this post over eighteen months ago – around the time when COVID-19 was on the lips of pretty much everybody.  What a crying shame we are still talking about it as we draw towards the 2021 close, and it may well only become worse from a global perspective over the coming weeks and months.  The post in question explored how the then existing pandemic predicaments would impact the trends of women’s choices in men, and the respective normal seasonal preferences in turn.

The background

Just over a year ago, I saw a hot brunette in the gym during the early morning.  Over roughly a couple of weeks I had sensed a passing, although not blatant, interest from her onto my presence.  She was a solid 8.25/10, and her dedication to training was decent if not enthusiastic.

One day I went up to her and asked how many sets she had left on the quadricep machine.  She answered with slight hostility that it was two more sets.  I replied by saying I would wait based on it was the last exercise left on my day, and I stood about a metre away.  I could feel her discomfort, which to me was not a terrible thing.

After her penultimate set, I asked her a question.  Without eye contact, she pointed to her headphones.  I raised my eyes in disapproval, but then waited on.  As she wiped up the equipment on completion, I started a conversation that processed as such:

“There you go, that wasn’t so hard was it?”

“What do you mean?”

“That wasn’t so hard – to be nice.”

“Oh, I’m always like that in the morning.”

“Right, so I shouldn’t take it personally then?” 

At that stage, she predicably walked away.  I recall only seeing her on one more occasion over the next three months (in spite of me still going regularly at that time in the morning), and then we went into UK lockdown for the months of January through to middle of April.

When the gyms did reopen on April 12th, she was in there on the first day.  The first thing I noticed was how much weight she had lost.  Gone were the nice curves, and now too thin for my tastes.  Nevertheless, I never saw her again for another seven months post that day.

Then one day….

Just over a month ago, I walked towards the exit door on a Sunday morning after my session.  I could see an attractive brunette wearing a cap walking towards the door, therefore I held it open for her. 

Whilst expecting little acknowledgement from her (based on the sheer law of averages of pretty women’s responses towards me), she just walked past me with no gratitude.  In anticipation this was going to occur, as she gained alongside me, I raised my voice in her ear to say:

“Don’t thank me will you!?”

In case you have not worked it out, it was the same girl (although I have to admit that it took me a few minutes later to realize this).  With the curves back too!

A week later

Five days later, I went towards the floor area where I perform lunges.  After a couple of minutes, I noticed she was working out on the cable machine.  Expecting her to either give me an acrimonious stare or, more likely, to totally ignore me, she, to my absolute surprise, did neither.  What she actually did, with no discretion, awkwardness or fronting whatsoever, was to give me the most genuine and friendly smile a woman could give to a man.

As she did it, I kind of just looked at her in a slight negative mood, although this could be excused based on the eye contact being during my set.  She looked away, and I then went to jump on a free machine I required. 

Around that same time, she moved over to another machine.  A personal trainer who works there walked up to her, and they must have had a ten to fifteen minute conversation.  There was truly little chemistry between them, but I assumed they were in a relationship.  He is a run of the mill slightly above mediocre man in overall physical attractiveness terms. 

Another week passed, and I walked from one side of the gym to the other.  I could see her eyes looking at me in total admiration, but I strolled to the area I needed to be.  Once more, the same guy went to talk to her shortly after I had seen her.

Then the following week….

On the Monday, I saw her looking at me as I walked towards the area she sat.  This time I smiled at her, but I worked out away from her vicinity.  Along came Wednesday, and she went to the smith machine next to me.  Between each set, I picked up on her crafty look over, although I was sneakily looking over to her just as much.  On the Friday, I walked up to her to talk, but as soon as I did, she walked off.

Then the Sunday came along, and she was training at 8.30am.  I had never seen her there on that day of the week/at that time before.  We crossed paths once more at the end of my workout, and this time she nervously looked at me before immediately looking away.

I started a conversation with her as she sat on the shoulder fly machine, and whilst at first looking uncomfortable, I could tell in her facial expression and body language that she was willing to engage in conversation.  After a few minutes I asked her if she was in a relationship, to which, whilst not looking me in the eye as she spoke, answered by clearly saying she was not.  I took her number.

The common theme

I messaged her later that day, but she didn’t reply.  However, I saw her the following morning (on the Monday) and she went out her way to say something.  We then had a brief chat before I informed her I was short of time, concluding that I had messaged her.  She said she intended to reply.

Then the following Wednesday came, and as she walked across the gym she ensured acknowledgement was made between the two of us.  As she later walked past me, she again said that she will reply.  On the Friday, having still not replied to me, we were never any closer than ten metres from each other.  Occasional glances were made, but no interaction.

How does all this come together?

Allow me to manifest in bullet points:

·       The likelihood is she has a boyfriend (the personal trainer).

·       She is content at best with him, or unhappy at worst (and wants out).

·       She has seen a higher calibre of man in her environment.

·       She is interested in the other man, hence saying she is not in a relationship.

·       Her interaction with the other man is noticeably when the boyfriend is not there.

·       Christmas is around the corner, and splitting with her boyfriend now is not nice.

·       She has refrained from messaging the other man to prevent any guilt on her part.

·       She wants to leave the door open for a new avenue in the near term.

The above reasons are based only on my possible thoughts derived from objective occurrence.  I could always be wrong though.  Maybe the fantasy of a higher sought-after man is better in a fantasy mind than in reality, and she has realized a safer bet (and someone who makes her feel better about herself due to his lesser physical looks) is the path she will reluctantly choose.  We can all say we will sky dive off Mount Everest, but it’s not so easy once there.

A final thought

The long and the short of all this, and a long-winded way to explain and conclude the main purpose to this post, is that the dynamics of COVID-19/lockdown/social restrictions/social habit changes have taken away some of the seasonal tendency women take pre pandemic.  Whereas many women would once have opted to not have boyfriends during spring and summer months, and then snuck up with beta boyfriend during autumn and winter, it has (for the last two years) more or less become a twelve-month annual process in sticking with her man.

What this ultimately has resulted in is a stronger emotion to become irritated with beta boyfriend in the autumn and winter.  As said woman has spent time with him for the six months prior, her tolerance, patience and appreciation of him come October is not as strong as it once was.  This may be a strong reason why more women will not be so loyal and committed to their boyfriends in colder months for the foreseeable future.

Take-aways from this post

·       Women will lie about anything, with very little remorse attached to this speech.  They find ways of convincing their minds that lies are a by-product of being a good person in not desiring to hurts another’s feelings.

·       Women will keep their options open when they, deep down, know the man they are with has a shelf-life expiry coming up.

·       A woman is always on the lookout for a man she believes can give her a better life and enhanced happiness.

·       If a woman lies about her relationship status, you can look at it two ways.  If she has a boyfriend but says she has not, this is a good sign to the man pursuing her.  On the other hand, if she does not have a boyfriend but says she has, she naturally has no intention (and usually no attraction, although exceptions exist) to venture on with the pursuing man.

·       Some women, in spite of knowing a “better” man could be within her grasp, may opt to not enter a relationship with him if he is a man who attracts too many other women.

·       If a woman is still dating a man who she holds thoughts in dumping, she will still usually have enough discretion to not talk to other men when he is around.

·       An (unhappy) attached woman will go out of her way to place her existence in the eyes of other men she is attracted to when her current boyfriend will not be within the same environment.

·       If a woman (whether attached or not) is very attracted to a man, but for certain reasons she cannot pursue or chooses not to pursue with him, the vast majority of women in these scenarios will halt going to places where she will see him.

·       In spite of all, it is rare a woman will dump her boyfriend in the December days (or even middle to late November) leading up to Christmas Day.  Most women still have a conscience and a decent heart, assisted with the presents she knows she will receive from a man likely boxing above his weight.


This is all the more reason for nice guys (especially nice guys punching above their weight) to be firmer, more argumentative, and more selfish in order to keep their girlfriends interested and sexually active.  The more time a woman spends with a man, the less she appreciates him.  The more time a man spends with a woman, the more he needs to test her and ensure she never takes him for granted.  This does not, if you haven’t already worked it out, come as the result of being a lapdog and kissing her bum.


  1. “The long and the short of all this, and a long-winded way to explain and conclude the main purpose to this post, is that the dynamics of COVID-19/lockdown/social restrictions/social habit changes have taken away some of the seasonal tendency women take pre pandemic. Whereas many women would once have opted to not have boyfriends during spring and summer months, and then snuck up with beta boyfriend during autumn and winter, it has (for the last two years) more or less become a twelve-month annual process in sticking with her man.”

    I wanted to ask you about this because I’ve still been encountering constant rejection. It seems like every girl who rejects me gets with a guy who has me scratching my head in confusion. This has been amplified by everyone one I know getting into relationships.

    You’ve talked a lot about high value men and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate it. Let’s just say even if you compare individual attributes I’m above all these men: financially by a long shot, more active hobbies, noticeably more developed physique, better looking (although I don’t like to compare that one) etc. Group all of those together and that combination is even rarer, as you’re well aware. All of the non-visual attributes I’ve attained a rare level of success (i’m not a millionaire, but I’m a top 1% earner in the US of all age groups). I worked on all of those relentlessly when I was in a relationship. When that ended, all I needed to do was lose weight and get my physique straight, which I absolutely did.

    I’m guarding against bitterness because while I know no one who is born is entitled to reciprocation from the opposite gender, it is tough to be categorized as “not worth pursuing”. I have strong ties to my family, solid values with loyalty at the forefront of it, and I’m rejected at the initial interaction because of my appearance or assumptions women make about me. I’m socially calibrated and have had zero issue making male friends this year.

    You’ve said to take it as a backhanded compliment, and I agree. I’m doing that for sure. But I wonder if you have any advice on how to navigate it now that COVID has changed the landscape of dating? I can’t say for certain, but it feels like women are far more wary of me and you’ve detailed that nicely here. Like even at bars the vibe is way different than it was prior to March 2020 where women are not flirty or seemingly open to anything. I wonder if you’ve noticed that as well. I’m considering online dating more as I don’t know another way at the moment.

    Anyway, love these posts and I hope you had a great holiday :)

    1. Hi mate, I'll publish a reply as a bespoke post for you. Most likely tomorrow. Cheers