“You have to put the past behind you before you can move on.”
Take a look at this text exchange (minor edits for privacy). It’s by no means textbook on a broader scale, as will be explained later, but the mentality and closure of how to deal with a time-wasting woman is the more important take home in all this:
December 12 (from me)
Buenas tardes. Como estas? It’s Vi Nay from the gym. Nice talking to you earlier, and hope you are having a nice weekend. X
December 27 (from me)
Ciao, nice talking earlier. So if you would like us to get to know each other better then I have a bit more free time this week. If not and you don’t feel it or you don’t feel comfortable then that’s fine, no point going into something half-hearted. X
December 30 (from me)
So I’ve kind of worked out you don’t like to get too attached to a guy, so if you prefer a more friends with benefits thing (not friend zone though, that’s for sure!) then that’s okay with me. Most women probably don’t view me as good bf material anyway. So there’s always round mine tomorrow night if you like, bit of food, maybe a film etc..? X
December 30 (from her)
Friends with benefits but not friend zone ? How does that work lol
December 30 (from me)
Low in commitment/attachment. High in attraction/chemistry/connection/passion/. Medium in friendship/time spent together. That’s the best way I would describe it
December 30 (from her)
I do see someone regularly for that so I wouldn’t want that
December 31 (from me)
Well I hope he doesn’t know you were checking me out for the two weeks before I approached
Tbf neither did I want that, it was just a suggestion based on thinking you didn’t want commitment. Anyway take care and hope you find happiness. X
Basically, it is the woman at the centre of this previous post, therefore I will not give chapter and verse on how it all came together. It was clear early on that she was a time waster, but in my defence, there were interim times when she kept striking up conversation in the gym in spite of not replying to the initial text I sent.
My better senses and experience told me that, once she didn’t text back on the same day or the following day, she didn’t have any intention to pursue with me in the immediate term. Although she said she was not in a relationship, and part of me does believe this, the retrospective thought-process tells me that she was one of those many women who likes to look at me, who finds me very physically attractive, but deep down does not have the inner confidence to get intimate and sexual. This applies, in my experience, to eight or nine women out of every ten I meet.
With all this in consideration, I’m still not a person to cut my nose to spike my face, so to speak. It’s not like I had exerted any money or energy on her, therefore whilst my mind knew she was the perennial woman who could talk the talk but not walk the walk, it was no skin off my nose to press a little harder for that confirmation she would not venture on.
The critique out there may say, with some justification, that a man should never text back until said woman has responded. By and large, I agree with this consensus, however when you are a man who is both (marginally in this case) more physically attractive than the target woman, and in turn a man who is (what came across as significantly) more intelligent, smart, and mentally mature than her, the woman in question is basically dragged into a scenario she isn’t accustomed to. In many cases, exampled woman may never have experienced this situation in any day of her life.
What I mean by this is, if it is the usual scenario where the woman is more physically attractive than the man (irrespective of the intelligence gap), a woman will need a man to prove he is more valuable and sought-after by other women than she perceives him to be. In these vast majority cases then, yes, a man shouldn’t pursue in the way I did.
Nevertheless, when a woman feels inferior to the man hunting her down, she needs that bit more reassurance that he is genuinely interested in her existence. With this in mind, and once more to reiterate in stubbornness not getting in the way of possibility, I believe the actions I took were justified. I have done, and most likely would do, the same again if a similar scenario repeated itself.
Sometimes it just doesn’t matter what you do…
As I’ve subscribed to before on this blog, game can only take a man so far. If a woman simply doesn’t find you physically attractive in the slightest, absent of extreme wealth and/or social status, it is highly unlikely you will be able to sway her in your direction on a sexual basis.
Conversely (but similarly), the same applies when a woman thinks a man is out of her league (especially in physical attractiveness terms). The fantasy will outweigh the reality. There’s more than a fair probability that a woman may visualize a man of this kind whilst placing a vibrator to her clit, but this rarely translates to the same woman jumping in bed with him given the opportunity.
The most grotesque man in the world would sleep with the hottest woman on the planet given such a pie in the sky chance. On the other hand, eighty to ninety percent of women who have uncontrollable dreams of a Greek God man would turn down the opportunity to jump in bed with him. Her inhibitions, of not being good enough or attractive enough compared to him in naked real life, controls her conscious decision.
In essence, a woman has made her mind up pretty much immediately on whether she will be game or abstain, therefore a man has very little power in his armoury to change her mind. Exceptions exist, but these are isolated exceptions.
if ever there was any further proof or observational real-life evidence
required, the most productive physically aesthetic level a man can be to
attract cute and hot women is to be average to above-average looking.
The last laugh
I find it a little head scratching that on the one hand she asks me to explain the friends with benefits/friend zone working, yet then she replies by stating she is seeing someone regularly on that basis. She also had the opportunity, in the first conversation a few weeks ago, to say she was seeing someone when I asked her if she was in a relationship.
This all doesn’t add up to me. It’s difficult to fully know, as it certainly isn’t beyond the realms of possibility for a low-end hot woman to have this set-up with an average looking man – and I assume he is (if he even actually exists?) mediocre in order for her to spend weeks looking at me as better eye candy – but generally a hot woman would properly date and be in a relationship with a less physically attractive man.
With all that said, and as I often say to myself and others, it doesn’t actually matter what the reason is. The facts of the matter are, she has found a reason. Ultimately, the end result is the same.
This is why I like the last laugh or words in these dynamics. She most likely thought I would wilt like a flower and cry in my sleep with her subscription of giving another man what I suggested for myself – hence no strings attached sex. By ridiculing her (and in a way the 'man' in her life too) in firmly calling her out for eyeing me up on numerous occasions, there is very little she can fire back with. If she did (which she hasn’t), rest assured she will get it back once more with an extra couple of reality bullets flying through the air this time.
The unfortunate circumstance is that many women effectively use the best-looking men as validation (of her beauty) figures, an attention gaining purpose, social proof exploitation, and a way to feel better about themselves. Most of these women will not go any further than that. I guess, if it is any consolation at all for men who have suffered such circumstances on a consistent basis, is that it simply comes with the territory of your male physical attractiveness blessings.
A final thought
I’ll hedge a fair bet that, based on many previous experiences of similar ilk, this woman will stop going to the gym on the days and times she knows I will be there. If not immediately, I’ll expect her vanishing act to be in no more than a couple of weeks’ time. If she does go off the face of the earth, it will just confirm that women don’t like to see men who they wish their egos would let their hearts be with.
The other possibility will be to just act like I’m invisible, and consequently blanking me if we cross direct paths or are within close proximity. I’d say this is less likely than the disappearing likelihood because a woman will always subconsciously and uncontrollably look at a man she is physically attracted to, with more conscious effort made to do this when he isn’t looking in her direction. A woman seeing a man she is attracted to, compounded with the knowledge she could be with him, is a woman placed in an uncomfortable and even distressed emotional state. This is why most women will remove themselves from this environmental discomfort.
And if she does execute regardless – in continuing the friendly interaction but with no intention to get down to any true action - then she clearly doesn’t give a shit after all! We shall see…
I wasn’t intending on writing this part, as up until this point all the above information was written over a couple of weeks ago. Over the last couple of weeks however, she has surprised me somewhat.
Basically, the first week back into the new year and I was training my shoulders on a free bench next to a blonde aged in her early to mid-thirties with a cracking body (and a decent face too). At the risk of a brag, I know this blonde likes me. We have never spoken, but we have occasionally said hello.
As I’m training, the brunette in question comes over and sits on a bench right behind me. Her acknowledgement was slightly awkward and with unease, but I straight away raised my eyebrows and said “morning”. I continued training though, and then walked away to the smith machine after two men had given me the nod that they were nearly done on it (as I had asked them to do so).
It was quite amusing as I know she likes that machine on Wednesdays, but so do I and for a lot longer than she has been doing so. I could see her looking over, although I have to confess that it was more to do with getting on that machine than her need to look at me.
After a few minutes, she came over and asked if I had much longer. I invited her to jump in between my sets, but she turned that proposition down. I told her I would be about eight to ten minutes, but I added with a smirk that men do lie about how long they take. She laughed and walked off.
As she walked towards me ten minutes later, she asked me if I had a nice new year. After a small bit of chit chat (which included her listening to me explaining a relative being ill over new year), I accused her in light-humour of taking my 10kg weight. As I walked past her, I bumped into her deliberately, concurrently saying in her ear, “I’ll get you one day.” She smiled and carried on.
Then the Friday came along, and when she arrived, she immediately asked me how my relative was bearing up. She didn’t stay long, and we continued with our workouts. As she finalized about forty minutes later and walked towards the changing room, she looked in my direction in a 90-degree angle head move. As she came out the changing room, she made a full turn round to wave goodbye. I was about ten yards away.
The final, final thought
Nevertheless, still no contact between us via texts. There is clearly no benefit in me doing so now, and she obviously feels little need or urge on her part.
My ultimate conclusion is based on this:
· She doesn’t have any true intention to take things further with me, but the thought of me being with another woman (especially a woman she would know of, hence in the gym) brings a heart-sinking feeling to her. This explains the need to sit so close to me and the blonde the other day.
· Aligned to the above, for every time she talks to me is a time I cannot talk to another woman. Further than that, other women may believe we are an item (which will arouse other women, but not necessarily benefit me overall).
· She likes the social proof which is brought by talking to me.
· It’s a bit of attention, and no woman turns down attention.
· Although most women represent this habit, this woman is even more representative of a female mind who gives more when a man gives little (hence when he is apathetic and passive), and who gives less when a man gives more (hence when he shows interest and willingness). Women like her aren’t very good in relationships, because ultimately once in a relationship, her boredom kicks in due to the challenge being taken away.
Women are as complex as any puzzle you will encounter in your life. If you don’t solve the puzzle, the question marks and frustration will continue. Once you solve the overall puzzle however, you just move onto another puzzle that needs a bit of time and thought process to solve once more in a bespoke fashion.
Just to totally wrap this up, it is worth a few more updates. On the Monday just gone (after the Friday friendliness on her part), she pretty much made no effort to converse. I cut short the conversation after a barely a minute.
She did me a favour, as it was the first time I had seen her with her legs showing in the flesh. She was carrying way more weight than the leggings ever suggested. This isn’t sour grapes, but honest words – I remember walking away thanking my lucky stars that I could now draw a line under that with no further interest on my part.
Kind of aligning to what I suggested above, she hasn’t been in since. In a roundabout, my predictions of her appearance habits seem right.