“Neither of us were perfect, but we were perfect for each other.”
This post is most relevant and of benefit to the best-looking men out there, however if you are a man who falls a bit (or considerably) below this level, it will still be more than worth reading on. If you belong to the latter, you can take another lesson in how women - often women you think may be out of your league - make decisions that are products of their uncontrollable and mainly innate character.
The typical scenario
When you see a woman who you are attracted to, it’s never a bad thing to approach her and get the question mark out of your head to whether she likes you back in the same way, or more importantly if she is willing to venture on with you in a sexual (and not platonic) manner. This might sound obvious, but I get the feeling in this day and age that less men are approaching women they like in this way. Granted, the pandemic and associated social distancing measures hasn’t helped, but this is now an excuse you can no longer hide behind.
Once you do have the cojones to approach said woman, you can never be fully sure how she will receive you. Experience, knowledge and trends significantly assist this preconception, but even these attributes will not be fail proof. I’ve approached some women who gave me only minor indicators of interest beforehand yet who were engaging and positively receptive from the get-go, whilst on other occasions I’ve approached women who had given me undeniable eyes from afar and near, yet on announcement they would turn their heads away.
The general trend is as follows (this previous post will also assist):
· If you are a man considerably less physically attractive than the woman you are hitting on (which is a minority of cases), unless she knows of you, she will give you truly little response in return. This is because she has no attraction towards you at all, and sometimes she will even think her street credibility has been diminished somewhat in talking to you. Smelling great will, to an extent, mitigate this negative female receptiveness.
· If you are a man who is more physically attractive than the woman you are hitting on (which represents an exceedingly small minority of cases, even smaller than the above), then more often than not you will also receive a negative response. This is because you have put her nose out of joint in making her feel less important and valued, because her physical looks (which is her biggest selling point to men and the world) has been deleveraged. At best, her lack of eye contact and engagement will be because she feels awkward and somewhat uncomfortable in her attraction towards you.
· If you are a man who is marginally (but noticeably - hence 10% to 15%) less physically attractive than the woman you are hitting on (which will represent the vast majority of cases), you will receive the most positive and amenable response. This is because you strike the perfect balance and sweet spot between the above two scenarios. In essence, you neither make her feel embarrassed nor inferior, and she is at her most comfortable state of mind when alongside you.
All else equal, any man should objectively rate his own physical attractiveness grade and then subsequently screen for women who are 10% to 15% more physically attractive in gender relative terms. Occasionally, this can even be leveraged to a 20% difference. On fewer occasions still, a >20% upgrade is within a man’s grasp.
How to negate the usual approach knockback
On the basis she doesn’t simply blank you and does in fact engage in conversation, as a man you need to implement this three-stage process, and it needs to be incorporated in small timeframes between each:
1) Find a common theme between the two of you
2) Break the touch barrier
3) Talk and act sexual (in turn getting her alone)
Now, not for minute is this process, outside of bars and nightclubs, an easy strategy to fulfil. If so, there will need to be a degree of flexibility and ad lib mindset in your delivery. In any case, the lesson is clear – you don’t want to waste too much time on something that won’t develop sexually.
Nevertheless, if the implicated environmental opportunities for stages 2 and 3 are not realistic possibilities, yet she has shown willingness at stage 1, you need to be asking her (after a few minutes) to whether she is in a relationship. There are four main likelihoods in her answers:
1) She genuinely is not in a relationship. In this case, ask her out.
2) She is in a relationship (even if only casual), but she tells you she is not. In this case, she will have felt an attraction towards you. She is keeping her options open due to clearly not being totally into her boyfriend (or he could be a jerk and she is into him, but she realizes he is not good long-term material). Ask her out.
3) She isn’t in a relationship, but she tells you she is. In this case she has no intention of moving things on with you. Move on to the next woman and forget about her. Further explanation of course of action is given below.
4) She is genuinely in a relationship. Explanation of course of action shown below.
So, 1 and 2 is clear, with 3 and 4 looking like a dead end has been hit. So in the case of 3 or 4, rather than just wilt like a flower in dejection and depression, you should have this back up plan which has always served me well and given me the last laugh.
Mention your “girlfriend”
I’ve found that most (but certainly not all) women who gave me indicators of interest either blank me on approach or quickly mention they have a boyfriend. I used to get a little frustrated at this, but it soon dawned on me why this happened.
I also tended to get annoyed because it was like I’d given the woman the best of both worlds. Not only did she receive the attention, effort and validation of my approach for the price of nothing to her, but she also had the backup and sometimes slightly cocky response in bragging about her boyfriend. Most usual, this boyfriend would be nothing to brag about when I saw him down the line.
It was at that stage in my life that I would come up with the easiest of solutions. I simply mentioned my “girlfriend”. Sometimes I would have a girlfriend by nature and definition, but usually (such was the fact I was approaching another woman) I did not. The typical conversation would proceed as follows:
Me: “So are you in a relationship right now? Don’t give me any bullshit, as I know of some women who say they are when they aren’t, and some who say they aren’t when they are. Coming to think it, why do you ladies do this?” (knowing the answer to my own question of course, but using it to lighten things up).
Her: “Yes I am” (those who really had no intention to get to know me would have already announced the boyfriend prior to me asking).
Me: “Oh cool, how long have you been together?”
Her: “Two years now.”
Me: “Aah, that’s about the same time as us…….”
Sometimes I’d even give a little story about how the “girlfriend” (based on an ex-girlfriend) and I got together, illustrating and emphasizing how cute it was.
An underrated and priceless disposition for a man is to be in a situation where he believes he is as (or more) important than the woman he is talking to. This mentality has to be in a humble and unspoken manner though. Most men perform the inverse mentality – in believing she is too good for him. Nevertheless, this dynamic can become counter-productive when the woman, deep down, starts to believe he is too good for her. The balance between the two extreme concepts is a fine one.
A final thought
You would think, wouldn’t you, that if a woman has no intention to become sexually involved with a man, she would then be happy in her emotions and positive in her body language once the man who approaches her consequently mentions his girlfriend? Let me tell you that, and this also includes married women, on not one occasion was this female response of positivity and glee on her part. Let me tell you that on every occasion it was of a face drop, head down, transparent disappointment, and most notable, jealousy that was impossible to hide.
Why is this the case, you may ask?
· For one, women don’t like the thought of another woman having sex with a visually and most likely objectively better man than their own male partner. Funnily and ironically enough, they have no problem in a lesser man having sex with any other woman in the world!
· Second, the man who approached her has now negated her broadcasting self-importance that another man loves her. Women like to think they have the best man and relationship in the world (until they are ready to leave him, when they make no hesitation in portraying him as the devil), so when another man tells her about his girlfriend, she loses this verbal power. The better looking the man, the more envious she is that he attains a girlfriend.
· Third, and most important, is the belief in her mind that you have been preselected by another woman. Every man, no matter where he falls on the lineage of male physical attractiveness and overall sought-after quality, is thought of as more attractive and appealing by another woman once she has knowledge of another woman alongside him. This is on the provision and caveat that his female partner is more physically attractive than him.
A final, final thought
With all the above in mind, and if you only ever take one thing out of this post, believe me this strategy doesn’t half make approaching women much easier. It also, as much instrumental to your trepidation mindset of outcome dependence, makes the whole exercise far easier to encounter.
As long as she doesn’t blank you from the start (which will sometimes still happen), it is a win-win situation. If she doesn’t state she has a boyfriend, it is conceivable she considers you as worth getting to know (albeit this is by no means a guarantee she has intentions of sleeping with you at that stage). If she does state she has a boyfriend, then you have the “girlfriend” up your sleeve to fully nullify your inner disappointment. When all said and done, she cannot claim she is any better than you in this respect.
A whale’s intention is to eat you up, and most people hold no defence, acting as plankton whilst allowing the whale (or bully) to do so. A select minority however do hold their ground, they do not swim away, and they refuse to be the greedy sod’s lunch. Be that fish who acts as the remora.