Saturday 10 December 2016

Height issue and closing the deal

“Within every conceived success, prepare for failure, but never pre-determine the failure itself.”

A reader makes some good points regarding the predicament he finds himself in, and asks for my take on things:

I have a question. I'm a 5'4 mixed male. I've put my pictures up on websites to be rated and my face routinely scores 8-10 (or on -tile websites 95-99-tile). I'm working on my body, as well. My current adonis ratio is 1.54, my shoulder -width- is 20.5 inches, etc. 

I notice that whenever I go out and hit on women, many do really seem interested but for whatever reason I can't close the deal. Even the times when I apparently come off like a creep, it legitimately seems like they're enjoying me or me touching them or whatever until a certain point. A lot of the time they will call me some stupid thing like 'Oh Mr. Cool' or whatever. 

Also, people in social groups --- just through my sheer presence --- I notice feel an urge to put me down about my height or to challenge me or whatever else. Like, my sort of cocky attitude maybe is a turn-off? 

On the one hand, I am being treated more or less like an afterthought as you can see. On the other hand, am I headed in the right direction and are these just growing pains? 

My response:

You come across as a very honest person, so as you will expect in being a regular reader of this blog, I'll give you total honesty in return. 

First, the good news.  Although I consistently write that high level male facial blessings and impressive body profile can be a disadvantage to a man in terms of women (mainly women post 23) being prepared to sleep, date, and be in relationships with him, they will often have greater resistance towards these men who are at least of average height (5ft 10").  Needless to say, a very good looking man with a stand out body of 6ft or taller sustains even more resistance and rejection, simply because the women he hits on will assume he is just after a quick pump and dump due to the vast options he attains with other women, and they think (rightly or wrongly) he is ultimately poor long term consideration.  High social status and fame, and to a lesser extent extreme wealth, mitigates this resistance significantly, but for the other >99% of men in the real world, this categorically applies.  So in a bizarre kind of way, your shortcomings in height terms eliminates this automatic female jealousy, hostility and dismissiveness on a majority scale.

On a not dissimilar analysis to the above, your "sort of cocky attitude" again gives you more leeway than a man equivalent to you who is 6ft tall.  Once more, a god gifted looking tall man acting with cockiness will come across as unattainable with >95% of women worth having (weirdly, men in this compartment have more leeway with past prime older women in their 30s and 40s), whereas a man of your height will actually be given a fairer chance.  

I'd always recommend cockiness over kiss-assing when it derives to a man acting around women, however unless you belong to a high popular local group, this cockiness can be counter-productive.  Despite some other blogs advising men to act like he owns the place he strides in, you have to remember that young women in this modern day - with all the pressures to look good that manifests in their growing self-consciousness and self-doubts - do not have much inner confidence.  Sure, most men can be fooled by the high fives, male ridiculing, looking down at mobile phones to convince herself she is so in demand, and inundated social media attention from the loser and mediocre male population, but this doesn't fool smart men like me.  An external front usually aligns to an internal lack of belief.  So I'd be careful on how far you take this cocky demeanour.

Male cockiness and male confidence can be distinguished and separated if used astutely.  You can act indifferent without being a role played jerk.  Talk to her without smiling too much.  Disagree without being too abrupt.  Be opinionated, but agreeable when necessary.  Talk about neutral environmental scenarios - not too much about her, but certainly not over-hyping yourself.  Act like she means something to you, without it coming across like she is the only girl in the world.  Reassure her at times, but never let her think you can't walk away.  Life is about a happy medium, mystique, and a level of unpredictability - and women love this approach in a man.   I feel like you may be swaying just a bit too far towards the cocky side.  If so, pipe it down a touch.  Forget the creepiness though to compensate.  Even Enrique Iglesias acting creepy and suck-up would be a turn off to cute and hot women.

Now to the not so good news, although I doubt this will come as much surprise to you.  Your height, in spite of the blessed face and good body, is a disadvantage to your romantic and sexual conquest prospects.  Most women will want a man taller than themselves, and in fact most women desire him to be at least 3 inches taller than her due to the high heel situation (so she is still no taller than him when wearing them).  This undeniable fact is relevant whether the man is ugly, average, or good looking.  Once more, high male social status, wealth and good attitude can make her compromise on her ideal male height, and in fact I have over the last few weeks seen about half a dozen bangable looking women with shorter guys.  Nevertheless, don't think this is a common theme.  Nearly all women, all else equal, want taller men.  Those women who say they aren't bothered are either lying or desperate for anything with a penis and a job. 

But this does kind of lead me onto my ultimate point and advice.  This is: valid screening you will need to put in place to improve your success to failure ratio.  A minority of cute girls (7/10 to 7.75/10, although rarely any higher), are to be seen with shorter guys.  These women are usually no older than 24, which is even better news for you.  If you have seen a girl in this bracket with a boyfriend around your height, have a quiet word with her using the tips as given above.  These women tend to be on the shy side, natural followers, and low in confidence (even lower than the low benchmark earlier explained!).  I can spot these girls a mile off, just by their weak body language, awkward and intimidated walk or stance, poor eye contact (at first anyway), and opportune moments to look at their phone (because they don't feel comfortable just mixing in).  As a guy of 6ft tall and of similar facial and body blessings to you, I wouldn't, despite my dick telling me otherwise, stand a chance with this kind of female character.  She wouldn't give me a chance.  

But you would.  Your good looks will strike her, but in the knowledge you aren't going to receive anywhere close to the female attention as a much taller man who looks the same as you, she finds you attainable and appealing (and hopefully sexually attractive too).  These are the fruits hanging off the tree that you should leap for.  

A couple of other brief points. 
First, your mention of not closing the deal.  Ask for her number sooner rather than later.  At least then you haven't wasted too much time elevating her ego, and it will also leave you with less resentment and more optimism for the next one.  Remember that women are attracted to men who go for what they want in the shortest timescale possible.  It's only women's egos that tell you the opposite applies.  This isn't being cocky.  It is being decisive. 
Also, give her a little line like "So do you feel like you can get past your perception and start seeing a man like me.  I guess if you are confident, you will."  This portrays a level of value on your side (that a woman needs to be confident to date you), in conjunction with giving her a little challenge in her mind.  Women love emotional challenge, and you have given her that task. 

Finally, as a mixed-raced guy myself, you still have to accept that a tiny minority of white women will still only date white men.  If so, these women aren't worth the time of your day.

Side note:
After nearly 200 posts and 350k words, this blog will be going down the line of reader Q&A.  So if anyone has a burning issue to get off their chest, I'll make efforts and time to reply in a post format.  I'll still look to write any subjects on my own behalf that hit me on any given day, but I think the last few years have more than given a good insight into the relevant subjects people were perhaps confused about or reluctant to face the truth.


  1. "An external front usually aligns to an internal lack of belief. So I'd be careful on how far you take this cocky demeanour."

    See, this is what I had been thinking. Like, I believe I am headed in the right direction and that my cockiness over time will mellow into confidence --- once the appropriate level of reference experiences have piled up. The level of social acumen required to talk to pretty women with that exact demeanor seems very high.

    I'm starting to interpret --- especially when interacting with women --- these little attempts to "put me in my place" are opportunities to actually build a rapport by just conceding a flaw or two.

    Last night, for example, I did manage to score a number and a girl who seems very interested, and I believe the clinch was when she said something like 'well, you're still short,' and I just responded 'ah, well, there you have it --- I'm not perfect," with a smile.

    Now, this sort of remark seems anathema to most 'PUA' advice and general manosphere advice --- but it seemed to do the trick. How does it strike you?

    "A minority of cute girls (7/10 to 7.75/10, although rarely any higher), are to be seen with shorter guys"

    Now, are you saying that when I target a girl TALLER than me, I should target those types of girls, or should I just target those girls generally? I find that --- when I can find one --- girls who are 2-3 inches shorter than me are more or less "with it."

    ""So do you feel like you can get past your perception and start seeing a man like me. I guess if you are confident, you will.""

    I'll try this line when I'm out next time and let you know how it works for me.

    Thanks for the quality response and feedback!

    1. Good reply to her. Short but with a level of humility and humour. One thing I would say is that replies to women are relative to the hotness of the girl. If she is (only cute), your reply is just about right. If she is hot, the "I thought you'd be privileged I talked to you...on the supply and demand basis!"
      Glad the feedback was useful

  2. Hi Vinay,

    Glad to hear you are going down the Q&A path. I have lots of questions all of which I don't recall at the same time so I'll start writing them down when they come to mind.

    I'll start with a couple.

    1) How does one add edginess to his vibe? (especially for introverted guys)
    I'm aware of working out more, but I completed most of that I'm weighing almost 210 pounds (muscular build)

    2) How do you find high-self esteem & confident friends?
    I have trouble when entering a group, some of the guys/girls will be intimidated and bad mouth me to the others, so they really haven't had a chance to get to know me yet.

    Also friends before redpill days are really passive-aggressive, they don't like the improved redpill version that I became. This goes for family as well...some not all.


    1. Will reply at the weekend mate, I'll have more time then.

  3. I think being ,short,,(as a male) is like being FAT(if a woman),,problem is this..a fat woman can never compensate ..see?...a short guy remember the days when some tall dudes used to steal my sandwiches in the high school...simple because I could not defend am 5'6 by the way...after I learned martial arts?..I walked and slapped them on the face,,,being fearless and giving a all about ,,confidence,, there is some power in poeple to sense,,this,, the same with women..they sense it,,..just takes practice if you are short male..see?..
    wayyy lots more practice than a taller male would need to do... but in the end is the stop fearing..and you give a flying fuck,since there are more women around...of course status/wealth..and others play a role...but in the end is about giving a flying FUCK ..that's about it.(by the have to approach lots of women if you're short.. to develop this power..and walk away like nothing happened and laughing if she rejects the only WAY for a short guy to win..fuck the personality and about sheer attraction ..etc)

    1. by the have to approach lots of women if you're short.. to develop this power..and walk away like nothing happened and laughing if she rejects the only WAY for a short guy to win..fuck the personality and about sheer attraction ..etc),,by this..I meant to say you can't make a woman horny by showing your bank other words...if you have to do ,,something,, to win,,some love ,, is only to act dominant..the rest is like dementia when you try to negociate her,..ok..If I do do that?..etc...better hire a hooker for that..I am dead serious!