“The heart has reasons that reason cannot know.”
Blaise Pascal, French scientist, philosopher and mathematician (1623-1662)
Some men will have wondered why an extremely physically attractive woman approached their friend. This would be the friend who is not as handsome you are (not just your opinion, but his too), the friend who doesn’t dress as stylish as you, the friend who is no wealthier than you, and the friend who has a personality equal to yours. Women rarely approach men in any given scenario, so when this does occur you are left scratching your head for answers. However, if you go to a strip club, the answers are right in front of your inquisitive and curious eyes.
Let me put one thing straight - I despise strip clubs. Now to further explain, I have no problem with them generally, I simply do not enjoy the experience myself. If it assists a poor Eastern European woman earn some much needed cash, then I’m all for it. If it helps a single, lonely older man attain a little attention, then I’m all for this too. Maybe it’s a slightly arrogant thought process of mine - being a more attractive than average guy, with progressively higher sexual market value as the years have passed by, I do not feel any necessity to pay for a woman’s attention, body or anything else they offer for the last notes in my pocket. I’ve also never quite understood the concept or motivation from a man’s perspective, as to me it only achieves one of two negative outcomes:
- He is not aroused by the stripper (believe me, far from all of them are stunners), and he has paid for absolutely no enjoyment.
- He is totally aroused, hence further frustrated by not ejaculating.
Either way, his investment has no return.
With all this said, there are times in your life when a man has no choice but to walk down this dark, narrow alleyway, and be greeted by a ten euro entrance welcome. If you’re on a stag party and your beta male friends are gagging to enter, you can hardly be the odd one out. Even if you are on a standard night out and all the other guys bring up the great idea of a drunken experience to view naked women behind a curtain, you kind of have no choice. But like anything in life, for every negative brings a positive, and in my rare ventures to a strip bars the positive is what has shown me to how women think in situations like this.
It was a cold March evening in Prague, Czech Republic, and it brought about my first experience of a strip club. There were eleven of us, and I would predict that irrespective of how alpha or beta any of us were back then, two of us were good looking, seven were average looking and two had below average to ugly looks. The girls do not approach immediately, unless they have prime instinctive methods to pick out those most gullible, but after a minute or two (once everyone had ordered a drink) they select their male candidates. At the time I kind of took it to heart that I was the last to be approached, and even then she was a touch half-hearted in her interaction. In retrospect, I actually think she felt sorry for me looking a little lost and isolated. There sat all my mates, enjoying a half naked woman on their laps before parting with their money for a private dance, as I was left with the scrapings. I can’t even recall whether she was one of the more or least attractive dancers in there, and in truth it didn’t hold relevance anyway. But it wasn’t until quite some time later that the realization dawned to why it happens in this procedure. Basically, women have natural instincts in knowing which men are the most vulnerable and attainable, which men are most likely to appreciate them, which men will spend money on them, and most importantly, which men have the fewest options in life when it comes to the female species.
Fair enough, strip dancers are prioritizing money over emotional feelings, but when you analyze other scenarios it becomes clearer and comprehendible that this is the way many women think in general terms. Unless she knows the man through a network like the workplace or via friends - where he has the advantage to show her that his personality can match his looks (and even then she will still have reservations due to a negative perception) - a woman will usually play it safe when making advances towards men. A night out would illustrate how more comfortable a woman is when talking to an average looking or below average looking guy against a good looking male counterpart. Sure, she may not be intimately into the average men, but women need a level of comfort. It’s a fine balance of course, as if she is too comfortable he is no challenge, but despite wanting a challenge, women are wary of the good looking man they do not know personally, and they will often deprive themselves of something that could be good. This is the on-going dilemma a woman has in her life – if she plays too safe, she believes she could do better. If she opts for a man who can offer her a higher degree of physical compulsion, this brings about trust and egoism issues.
Further to this, research was undertaken on internet dating. Needless to say, the majority of men sent messages to the women who had been graded as most physically attractive. With the women it was far more confusing. Whilst the women graded eighty percent of men on the subscriptions as below average looking, the high percentage of messages they sent were to these men, and not in fact the better looking men. I’m sure women, and some men, may have a different opinion to mine as to the reason behind these findings. To me, it is a simple case of being petrified of rejection. If a woman’s biggest craving in life is attention, then her greatest fear is rejection.
Whilst women have made tremendous strides over the past generation in terms of independence, sole capital ownership, careers, earnings, and arguably becoming less reliant on a male companion for emotional and financial security, if anything they have taken a backward step in the case of overcoming their fear of emotional rejection. Maybe men should take a share of the blame for this. Whilst the majority of men do not understand the practical or theoretical concept of attraction and how it works from a female perspective, there has been an increase in its exposure. Consequently, men feel like they have no option but to join women in the art of interaction strategy (game) - playing it apathetic, not giving her too much attention, and demonstrating higher value (to name only 3 concepts of a wide portfolio of game techniques). Once a woman smells a rat, she further reinforces the trap to kill it. She will make additional effects in maintaining the knowledge she is as high value as any run of the mill girl on the street. The reality though is that women aren’t blind from objectivity and reality when judging another person’s physical attributes. By enlarge, people would agree with what they see as attractive, indifferent or repulsive. If they see a good looking man, they think he will have options. Even if he actually hasn’t as many choices as people would believe, and even if he is just a guy who desires one honest woman, their belief and perception will outweigh any other factor.
Although women hardly ever approach men, and next to never do they actually say the words of “would you like to take me out?”, they will discretely place themselves in the vicinity of men they find attractive or men who they want attention from. A prudent note is that the men she would like attention from aren’t necessarily ones she finds attractive. At this point, a glance in his direction or a flick of her hair is a sign a man should look out for. However, even though they rarely approach, in a woman’s mind, if she has carried out these acts and he has not responded then she will interpret this as rejection. This is all the more apparent the more conceited she is. She has given him a hint to approach, and he hasn’t reacted. Nobody truly knows, but her pride and part of her heart have been dented. She knows this rejection is less likely to happen when standing near an average looking man.
When all is said and done, and no matter how much women will construe it to suit their argument, the bottom line is this is an insecurity maneuver within their emotions. If an 8/10 woman sees an 8/10 man, she’s going to say the words of “what’s he going to think of my 5/10 look in the morning?” If the same woman sees a 6/10 man, the contrast in her thought is, “he’s lucky to have me, and he knows it!” For the genuine, good looking men out there, they have to accept that many women will never be able to find a way out of their safe mentality state. Some may even give him a date, only to have delayed thoughts of her insecure disposition. All men in this predicament can do is act as good guys, show women they aren’t obsessed by their looks, and reassure them that living the playboy lifestyle isn’t the thing they choose to do. This might not be enough, and if it isn’t, they need to be confident enough to know there are some women who are not dressed in as much insecurity as those who reject in the common pre-conceived manner. Unfortunately, the more emotionally secure women who place visceral feelings ahead of trust and egoism, for long term relationships at least, are a rare breed.
Enjoying the ongoing articles-you're a skilled writer. I used to be frustrated by women's actions in regards to better looking guys. Always asking "why is she with that schlub??" Now I understand why and it's amusing to watch. I see many female acquaintances end up with guys several grades lower because they think they want control of the relationship and won't have to worry about him going anywhere. This happens most frequently with the 35+ girls since they know they've hit the wall and are past their prime.ReplyDelete
Out of all the 'social dynamics' blogs I read, this is easily my favorite. Your points are clear & I have lots of 'ah hah' moments that personal experience ties with your words. I don't comment often, but do know (or via IP Address) that I visit & read often. As always, thanks for the detailed insights.ReplyDelete