“If life is a lottery, how many of us buy a winning ticket?”
About a year ago, I saw a young man who looked no older than 21 walk into the semi-detached house opposite to me on the cul-de-sac where I live. Since I’ve been living here, I’ve lost count of how many different residents have come and gone in that particular house, therefore it is obviously rented accommodation.
As the weeks passed by, I then saw a woman who looked a few years older than him walk into the same house. She was carrying a baby. I haven’t had a conversation with any of them, however my next-door neighbour works with the young man at a nearby car manufacturing company.
As further weeks passed, now well into the COVID-19 pandemic and associated restrictions, I saw another woman pull up and knock on their door. She also was carrying a baby. It wouldn’t surprise me if the woman who pulled up was my neighbour’s (the female neighbour) sister, but it could just as easily be her friend.
Did he want to be a Dad?
Call me cynical, but I find it hard to believe that a man barely in his twenties, earning likely well below average wages and still in his theoretical liberated days, would have chosen to be a father at this stage in his life. Call me further cynical, but I also find it incredibly coincidental that two women, either sisters or close friends, just so happen to get pregnant at the same time and have babies of remarkably similar age.
This all begs the question to how many pregnancies are an example of when the man is on board. I have never been a father - most likely through a combination of destiny, circumstance, being astute minded, and some admitted lucky escapes (the one not so lucky escape some years ago was my own fault, as she had made me fully aware of her contraceptive situation) – but if I was in that position I would like to think, perhaps being too optimistic in this day and age, that this conversation could take place:
Her: “Darling, you need to know that I’m not on the pill, or I’m thinking of going off the pill because it causes me bad side effects I don’t want to have any longer. So, you need to either wear condoms or we take the risk of what could happen.”
sweetheart, at least I know, and we can make that decision together. Basically, we’re not close to being ready to
be parents together, so I’ll wrap up for now.
If we do ever drop our guard and the worst happens, we then have nobody
to blame but ourselves.”
Pie in the sky? Too much to ask in modern society? All I will say is that I have been lucky to an extent that most girlfriends I have dated for over a month (I took it upon myself to wear condoms before this timescale) have been honest with me and told me they were on the pill, or otherwise. I think this has more to do with the fact these women, by and large, were very much characteristic “girl’s girls” – hence more interested in their own life, career and/or self-importance to contemplate the hassles of motherhood.
Coincidence or what?
Take a look at this video I caught on the news last week.
It defies belief that on one street a range of apparently similar aged women all fall pregnant around the same time. One of them alludes to the pregnancy coincidences being due to a lack of social offerings during lockdown therefore people are having more sexual intercourse with more time on their hands. I think that is a convenient (but believable to the masses) reason which is used to cloud over the real reason. The real reason, in my view, is because women use it as an excuse to have a child when they want to have one. When they see other friends, and foes nearby, getting pregnant, they don’t desire to be left out.
You’ll see three male partners out of the six women referenced in the video. I could have closed my eyes, and ears, and these men would have looked and sounded just as I expected them to. Feminine, weakly spoken, lapdog characteristics, and basically the secondary importance within the relationship. Goodness gracious, where have the real men gone…?
Unplanned pregnancy percentages
There are a few conflicting sources online that would lead you scratching your head to what the accurate percentage of planned or unplanned pregnancies result in. This article will be one of the more truthful out there, illustrating a 45 percent of total pregnancies in the United States each year being unintended. In any case, the statistics are only as good as the truth behind the words of the people declaring this information. It doesn’t take a genius to fathom that there are many women, and men, out there claiming a pregnancy was planned when deep down they know it was not. I guess it is a pride thing at the end of the day.
The article would leave an innocent reader to think that the contraceptive pill and condoms are a terrible source of birth control. I’m no medical expert at all, but in all the time I have relied on women telling me they were on the pill and using it properly and responsibly, in addition to the other times I used condoms, if these contraceptive offerings were so ineffective then why aren’t I paying child custody for a small soccer team? You may say I’m firing blanks? My answer to that would be, at least prior to chemotherapy, I attained a fully normal sperm count as tests proved. So, were all these women infertile? Highly unlikely.
The true reason
The truth of “unplanned” pregnancies, if we are willing to face up to it, is one of three reasons in the main:
1) Women are not on the pill when they tell their male partners they are. The likelihood is she wants to get pregnant.
2) Women skip the pill, or are strategically irresponsible, to coincide with a lack of barrier during their most fertile days. She consciously wants to get pregnant.
3) Women avoid having an in-depth conversation at all with their male partners about whether she is on the pill or not. The likely scenario is she, whilst not being totally in conviction, thinks having a child will be a good change in her life pattern.
A final thought
As I documented in this post a few years ago, there are tell-tale signs to detect women who will contrive a pregnancy to suit their life. You can never be totally sure even if you are a smart man, however with a bit of good screening you can place better odds in your favour in what to do.
I stress you can never be totally sure, because although I would humbly rate myself as a smarter man than most in this respect, I’m the first to admit that if a woman tells me she is on the pill, I usually trust her words and hope she acts with integrity. I guess the dice is rolled on my part if she has future motives and plans that aren’t on the same path as mine.
And I don’t desire to be a total hypocrite. I’ve said a number of times to people that I shouldn’t be here. My mother and father should have known by then they weren’t right for each other, and in turn not conceived me. My older brother I can accept, but not me. So, it’s more than a chance that I was not planned by both parties.
The societal birth rate requires both genders to produce, but only one has full control.
Acknowledgements and References
The Washington Post