Wednesday 13 January 2021

Women’s loyalty levels


“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. 

Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.”


I’m sure we all have our stories on this particular topic.  I have a more than a few I could example, but one particular scenario stands out more than any other.

The background

Throughout my peak social outing life during my late teens to early twenties, I belonged to a circle of approximately fifteen male friends who would regularly meet up at least a couple of times a week.  It wasn’t always the fifteen at once of course, as girlfriends or sexual opportunities came and went for most of us.

Even when most of us went our separate ways around the country for University studies, a good number of us would still come back to Derby for big events – mainly being the 21st birthday celebrations.  After all, you are only 21 once.  It is only fair to say however that, just like women, men also differ to a good degree in their loyalty and dedication to male friendship.

The unlucky friend

One of the men didn’t have a bundle of luck or experience with women by the time his 20th birthday came along.  He was neither the best looking nor the ugliest, and he had a decent amount of personality in relativity for that age, but he did seem to lack an understanding and courage to interact with women generally.

Nevertheless, about a year before his 21st birthday he did meet a woman who seemed to like him a lot.  She wasn’t the best looking at all, in fact she was fact less physically attractive than him in gender relative terms.  With all that said, he seemed happy that someone had finally took to him.

We didn’t see him as much during the year that led up to his 21st birthday, as his girlfriend was diagnosed with a serious but recoverable cancer illness.  A lot of his time, naturally, was taken up in seeing her and supporting her rehabilitation.  I was on the same course as him at University, and he barely turned up to a seminar or lecture during that time.  A few of us had heard that her appreciation of his support was limited at best, but as someone who has gone through rigorous chemotherapy treatment too, I can in retrospect relate to how your mind plays tricks with you in not acting your true self.

He did manage to get out for his 21st birthday though.  He was a big drinker, and no matter how many drinks he consumed, it appeared he was just not getting drunk.  However, about 1am he went missing from the nightclub.  We all just thought he had made a sly exit in not desiring to be away from his girlfriend for too long.

As we left the nightclub and made our way to the curry house, from a distance we could see someone trying to hold himself up by a telephone box.  As we walked closer, we realized it was him.  He was totally smashed!  About five minutes later his girlfriend turned up in a car with her mum, and she went crazy in calling him shameful, disgraceful and embarrassing, with a few obscenities thrown in there just for good measure.

From memory, her treatment finished a couple of months after that night.  I remember him telling some of us how she had changed as a person, and that she barely wanted to see him in spite of all is efforts and love towards her.  Not long after her full recovery and path back to a normal life, she finished with him.

Women’s lack of loyalty

A first hand anecdote that I will share came in the form of an ex-girlfriend who told me her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her.  During her heartbreak, she also added that her best friend was nowhere to be seen in her time of need – in being wrapped up in her own life and new boyfriend – so she needed to confide in her sister-in-law as the main support network. 

Her sister-in-law was much different in character and look to my then girlfriend and her best friend.  Whilst my then girlfriend and her best friend were very much girl’s girls who liked to go out a lot, do themselves up, and spend money on materialistic things, her sister-in-law was much more of a homely girl (she got married in her early twenties) and, whilst not unattractive, had far more motivation to please her husband than to stroke her own ego.

Nevertheless, as time passed and my then girlfriend got back in touch with her best friend after a year of none speaking or contact terms, her need for her sister-in-law became less and her motive to build back bridges with her best friend increased.  Not coincidentally, pretty much every time I went round to see her, she was on the phone to her best friend, laughing and joking but sometimes also trying to make out the conversation needed to be in private.

Q-tip 1:

A woman will try to put thoughts in her boyfriend’s head that other men are interested in her, and many women will also go a step further to try and convince her boyfriend she is playing away (and of course then denying such accusations).  This is simply all part of a woman’s uncontrollable mechanism to send herself to the moon in attempts to raise her self-importance, popularity and perceived sought after level.  More often than not, this act is fiction rather than reality. 

As the boyfriend, treat this as a win-win situation.  If she is trying to get you jealous through fictitious hints, then it is only because she is fully into you and knows your value to other women.  If she is (on rarer occasions) genuinely looking for extrapair fornications, she has just given you a free passport to do the same with other women.

So in respect to my then girlfriend, the message is clear.  Her loyalty held no substance or relevance to who was there to support her in her time of need, and it was only down to convenience and timing.  Once her sister-in-law had served her duty and purpose, she went happily running back to the disloyal, unsupportive and self-centred best friend.

Q-tip 2:

Women don’t base their life on loyalty, they base their life on opportunity, self-agenda and what benefits them at the time.  Loyalty plays very little part in any woman’s psychological and consideration make-up. 

A final thought

If you are a man currently in a steady relationship where you genuinely believe your female partner appreciates all you do for her, I advise you to tread carefully and always expect the unexpected.  If you are a man who can relate to the above in your recent or not so recent relationship history, what I have written will likely come as no surprise.

Women are born to seize opportunism, chance, maximum benefit, and survival tactics.  When you have been dumped and heartbroken by her despite all your efforts to make her happy and be the best man you can be towards her, sometimes even in replacement for an objectively lower quality man, a lack of experience with women can leave you with a head even achier than your heart.  If you don’t understand women, the hurt is twice as hard.

When you do understand women, you can almost second guess what they are going to do based on an array of past experience.  You simply just move onto the next one, in most likely expecting something not dissimilar once more.  The trend isn’t so much cyclical, as much as constant and consistent.

And every now and again you may just meet a woman who is honest, genuine, loyal and faithful rolled into one.  It isn’t that these women don’t exist, it is just that they exist in far, far smaller numbers than what was never in abundant numbers in the past in any case.

Bonne chance….

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