“Don’t feed the beast that already has an oversized belly.
Feed the creature who lives hand to mouth first.”
In a world where for the last decade at least (bearing in mind a couple of generations that gradually fed it prior, dating back to the 1970s feminist movement) women have been given too much free licence in life in the form of a lack of accountability or responsibility of their actions, over-supplicating and applauding lapdog men who have no idea in how to handle the female existence, a shortage of true leadership and guidance from both parents and male partners, and insincere complimentary actions from men and female counterparts on social media platforms, it is very little surprise that men (in particular sought after men) will face sassy and self-complimenting comments when interacting with women. The higher quality of the man, the more likely he is to encounter these comments, because women will feel a greater need to simultaneously peg these men down a step or two whilst reluctantly knowing they feel inadequate alongside him, in comparison to the lion’s share of men who they feel superior to up until their (women’s) mid-thirties. Lo and behold, even a minority of women past this age still act this way.
Prior to lockdown, which now seems a million years ago, when it was actually permitted to walk up to women you were attracted to and pull her hair as a part of early banter, I met a woman who naturally struck my attention. She was a rare mid-range hot girl in my local area of 8.5/10 (8.75/10 at an absolute push), and when I engaged in conversation I could sense her immediate liking for me and receptiveness. She pointed out early on that she hadn’t been in a relationship for nearly two years, to which I responded that I like girls such as her who don’t just hop from one boyfriend to another for the purpose of validation and fear of loneliness, and in contrast they would rather be single for longer if it meant waiting for the right guy.
She was 23 at the time, although I thought she looked 25 or 26. She thought I was 26, to which I just smirked and asked her if she was some kind of age guessing genius, although in the first couple weeks I never told her I was in fact in excess of ten years older than her. If they don’t ask directly, why tell? Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her to somehow find out, which by no mean coincidence coincided in when she started to cool off.
When I came clean, this is (give or take a word or two and correcting her grammar) what she came back with:
“Hey, thanks for the message, it explains a lot. I didn’t realise your age and it is a massive no for me. I know you don’t want to hear this but your brother is older than my Dad so it makes me feel uncomfortable so I would rather we didn’t speak again. I hope you find what you’re looking for though, sorry x.”
First and foremost, don’t believe the bullshit that she didn’t realise my age. The reason she, or women generally, would claim this is because they could not bear the thought of admitting they did some research on man to find out more on him. This would show she is/was interested, perish the thought (in a female ego driven world where they need to believe he is more interested in her than the inverse).
It would have been easy for me to just not respond to this message. Most men, and the former me included, would have thanked her so much for the explanation in hope that one day she changes her mind in realising what a great guy I am. What I did, a few hours later, was respond with this (give or take a couple of words):
“Wow that means he was 18 years having you before my brother’s first, let alone his youngest! No need to apologise at all, I’m sorry you thought I was so young and yes agree we’ll stay out of each other’s way x.”
There are a few pointers here which negated her sassy comment, and put her back in her place:
· Her comment about her Dad’s age was a concurrent attempt to dig at me and compliment herself. She was basically construing I was too old whilst endorsing her youthfulness, and her family’s young age in relativity. By me shooting it back in years context of when to have kids, I fired two bullets from one trigger. First, it illustrated how my brother had is freedom, independence and fun days for as long as possible, and then had kids. Second, it alludes to how her father having princess at an age before his 19th birthday was a waste of his youth.
· Although I’m not an advocator of men saying the word “sorry” to a woman often, in this case it worked because effectively her insincere “sorry” was a way to make out I’m losing out on such a prized asset as her. Again, a self-compliment. By flipping it to me being the one who should apologize, it makes her think that I’m actually not going to lose any sleep over it.
Women rarely apologise or say sorry with sincerity. There is usually something for them to gain by saying the word.
· I apologised in her thinking I was (hence I looked) younger than she thought. Women are very crafty at complimenting their youth between the age of 18 to 23 (and women will do this at an older age too if they are accompanying men who are older), but the reality is most women don’t physically age very well. Not many women look younger than their birth certificate shows. Again, I turned her sassy comment into an actual compliment to myself.
· By me firmly agreeing for us to stay out of each other’s way, it once more shows it’s no skin off my nose. Deep down for ego purpose, she would have loved me to respond with words to the effect of me wanting to still talk when we collided. Always be a man who can easily walk to the next project once the last project has finished.
She never came back with anything, which tells its own story.
A woman self-complimenting
Nevertheless, if the above anecdote is based more on sassy comments on a woman’s behalf mixed with cryptic self-complimentary messages, you will also face times in your life when women will make far more unhidden and unapologetic direct self-compliments.
A good few years ago now, I was in a medium-term relationship with a low-end hot woman who was, ironically, turning 28 a couple of days after the day of this story. She was an 8/10 in physical attractiveness, but she thought she was a 9/10. I sense part of this over-leveraged self-grade was down to a mother who had given her false hope and expectations in life, but also her recent claim that she had the opportunity to date a millionaire shortly before I came onto the scene.
Towards the back end of the relationship (we were together for just over six months), we went to an all-day wedding of one of my close friends. After the day event had closed but before the evening room was set up, the party of around a hundred adults only all went to the venue bar for some interim drinks. One of the groom’s friends was there with his wife, and as we stood waiting to be served at the bar she started looking and smiling at me whilst my girlfriend was alongside me. She then started to compliment my look, stating how gorgeous I was and that I should take up modelling. I could sense the amalgamated look on my girlfriend’s face of trying to look happy but struggling to hide the anguish.
When the two us went for a sit down a few minutes later for some private time, my girlfriend started to subtly dig at me in saying I should have paid for a room at the hotel in order for us to freshen up. I was unemployed at the time! She then went on to say:
“I don’t think you realise how lucky you are to have me.”
This was repeated by her a couple of more times in the conversation.
It is times like this when I would love to rewind time and be the person I am now back then. Whilst I do not recall agreeing with her, I do remember just trying to appease her and making her happy. This is what I should have said:
“Sweetheart, let it be said I’m happy to be with you, but I’d be lying if I said I’m grateful and lucky to be with you. I mean, you heard the woman a few minutes ago and what she said about me. I bet she does not say that about many, if any, men. So whilst I am happy to be with you, in supply and demand terms I can’t say I’m lucky to be with you unless you want me to lie, which I’m not prepared to do. But I will meet you halfway and say we’re equally lucky to have each other. Happy with that, babe?”
The purpose behind the above is negating her self-compliment. It isn’t nasty, it cannot be proven to be jerkish (although of course a lot of it is meant with amusement inside), and most of all it brings her back to the wonderful world of reality.
If a woman isn’t pegged back in her place early on in the relationship, the beast will just grow and grow. Treat it like a nail in a tyre. If you don’t puncture it in, the inflation gauge can give infinite pressure to keep driving to further destinations.