Saturday 7 February 2015

Female fake body language

“Trust the one who proves with actions.  Query the one who justifies in words.”

An inquisitive reader asks for my take on female body language:

hey could you write about female body language and tell if they really fake it sometimes ? Can their conscious tendency to average looking men lead to "fake" body language ?

My response:

Two questions are presented here with differing levels of transparency.

Can a man tell if a woman is faking her actions in her body language?

The easy answer is yes, but such a small minority of men are alert to these signals.  The reason so few men are clued up in this way is because the vast proportion of male society conduct a lapdog mentality in terms of idolizing women and living in trepidation of saying or doing even the slightest wrong move that disrupts the female all so important universe.  These men, as a by-product of this fear, essentially and wrongly believe women are attracted to their all so nice, passive and suck up ways.  The truth is that women settle for these men.

I always find one of the most effective approaches with women you don’t know is to expect a level of fake mannerisms, and allow them to prove you wrong (or right).  Too many men take the inverse lead – that women’s words and actions are forever genuine. 

Ultimately, 95% of women will be far more self-conscious, far more insecure, in far greater need of social validation, and living in far leveraged need to think their life is or greater importance than their peers, than 95% of men.  The 5% cross-overs (and I’m being generous on this 5%) do not make up for the general course of normality.  Yes, some women stray further to the right of these intensities than others, but this percentage overlap should be your starting point.

With this in mind, it is an almost common default for women to fake their true feelings, thoughts, opinions and body language to cover up any obvious weaknesses.  Add on their magnified egos, taking their lives too seriously and a protection to avoid rejection, disappointment and failures, and here you have a person who is constantly never allowing herself to just act in a genuine, honest and care-free demeanour.

Some snap shots of conspicuous female body language signals:
  •  Lack of eye contact with men (men they don’t know personally) she finds sexually attractive when approached.
  • A weak attempt to aim humorous comments (99% of women are not funny) or belittle a man with calibre, sometimes with gestures, but often with words when she is walking past to block out responses that would prick her bubble.
  • Blatantly eyeing up a man she finds sexually attractive, but once in closer proximity, total denial of his existence or of her interest.
  • Once approached by the man she finds sexually attractive, a common habit is to limit eye contact and conversation, thus vainly attempting to convince her mind she doesn’t like him in reality.
  • Head down when walking past people who are not familiar with her.
  • Over friendly with men she is not attracted to, in order to convince others she is popular and that men (unwanted men) can’t resist her existence.
  • No eye contact or acknowledgement when striding past people in opposite direction.
  • The quick, sharp and fake smile when greeting someone, before quickly returning back to the miserable default.
  • Acting all happy that their peers look good, have met a great guy, or accomplished something, only to progressively see that irritable grin return to a more disappointed expression that spells out she is jealous.
  • Pretending she is talking to someone on the phone.
  • Acting far more natural (eye contact, genuine conversation) with men she is not attracted to – hence she has nothing to prove to them.
  • On a night out, one moment dancing around, hugging “friends” and pretending life is so much fun, quickly followed by a stern faced, over serious look when walking to the bathroom.  The two extremes don’t align to normality.
  • An over excited reaction when seeing someone she knows on a night out.  Reason: social proof requirement and safety in numbers insecurity.
  • Walking into social environments (mainly bars and the gym) texting someone.

The last one is my favourite.  Allowing for sleep, there are near on 16 hours in the day when someone could be texting her or she is texting back.  Isn’t it a coincidence it all so happens to be in that moment?  As much as this hurts a woman’s self-opinion, no woman in the world outside of extreme fame can feasibly be that busy or popular.  Yet again, a tell-tale sign of low confidence and high inhibition. 

Can their conscious tendency to average looking men lead to "fake" body language?

Some of the points above are covered in this question.  As readers of Women's choices: men's divorces are fully aware, most women prefer to be with men less physically attractive than they are.  By no sheer chance, most of these men will be along the mediocre scale.  Cute women will be with average looking men, hot women will seek out above average looking men.

In consideration to the common trend that is seen, and in view of that 99 out of 100 men who women interact with are not exactly making their panties moist, women have no trouble in the main to acting relaxed with nearly all men.  Then put someone who is the opposite – a good looking man with height and admirable body profile - in her vicinity.  This is when the fake body language comes into play:

Plausible deniability is the key habit in these rare situations for women.  Deep down in their hearts and vaginal impulses, they know a sexual attraction is there.  But women’s egos do not like the aspects they feel towards men who are admired and desired by other women:
  • First, they do not like men who are unattainable.  The thought of a man – at least a man who is not famous - being above their league in physical allure gender relativity is not a fond one.
  • Second, even if they know they could attract this man – mainly high end cute and hot women – they don’t sit easy in the knowledge they couldn’t, or don’t have the inner confidence, to lock him down.
  • Third, irrespective to knowledge of his past or not, they will resign to the assumption that his interest will only last for so long before he ventures onto something fresher.

So next time you are dealing with a woman who is more than a passing acquaintance or colleague, you may be well advised to lead with your eyes that bit more than your ears.  There are some women out there with true integrity, and there is a very small segment who you can believe what they say 90% of the time.  But when you have been intimately involved with many women over a decade or so, you will have experienced more than enough female habits to draw trends to how the next one is likely to be.  This likelihood will come in some form of fake delivery.  


  1. This one of the saddest post i've read. Not because of the content but because it rings so true and unfortunately not to my advantage...
    I just realised that my girlfriend of 6 years has been attracted to my bestfriend since the day we all went out together 6 years did nothing for it to happen. He doesn't even know it.
    The first snap shot is the nail in the coffin...
    Deep down inside I always knew it but to finally admit it is infuriating.

    The guy can be considered a jerk(went to jail for a minor offense, slept with hookers, cheated and beat up his ex-gf..etc) while I'm the nice guy.(if I compare myself with him)
    We talked about it once and she said (after I pressured her) that basically he's the kind of guy she would sleep with if we weren't together.
    So even after she knows about all his shenanigans she can't help but be attracted to him.
    Since I've been behind her the all time nothing happened yet but I'm just done to play the policeman.
    While I need a bottle of lube everything to stick it in, I'm sure it won't be the case for him.

    Anyway thank you for you work vinay.
    A friend from belgium

  2. Friend, as much as it may pain you, we both know you must end this relationship. The longer it goes on, the more you take a chance of damaging yourself self esteem beyond repair.

  3. Hi Vinay,

    I love your writing. It's helped me more than you could know. 

    I’ll ask this here because this article is the most relevant to my question. I know I shouldn’t seek validation from these interactions, but for a time I needed it to rebuild my self-esteem. Analysis does not have to preclude action. 

    Anyway, does female attention decrease proportionally past a certain point of attractiveness? Phrased in another way, does female fake body language predominate over direct interest at some point?

     My experience has been this...

    - I lost about 40 lbs to get to the average American BMI. Kinda
    chubby, but not terrible. This is where I had the most direct
    interest from women. Open flirting and whatnot because I
    think from a numbers standpoint there are more women in that
    range, of course.

    - I got quite lean (not six-pack level), but I was lacking
    muscle for my height at 6’2”. This is where I’d get deer-in-
    the-headlight looks from cute women (like ~7+ range), and the
    few conventionally attractive women would act coy with me and
    give me approach invitations. Most other women started to
    ignore me. This is also the point where I received the most
    blushing from girls, giggling, blatant eye-fucking, gaping at
    me, etc. 

    - Now I’ve moved along the spectrum in leanness and
    muscularity. I have a defined six-pack and I’ve added nearly
    30 lbs of muscle to my frame.  I know that for sure as I’m
    leaner than when I started, and it’s improved my face even
    more. Several months ago I noticed women almost never looked
    at me directly anymore. They would sneak glances a lot if I
    was looking for it, but it was much harder to catch. The vast
    majority of the time it feels like deliberate avoidance. I
    also noticed something new happened. If a girl looked at my
    face and looked surprised, she would rapidly turn her entire
    body around to face away from me. It is an unusual body
    language cue I started to see constantly. 

    I'll give an example of a day from last week. I went to the doctors and there was a young girl there as an assistant. She helped me set up and I did have to take most of my clothes off. But we were just joking around and she was laughing a lot. Literally didn't glance my way once for 30 mins. She'd talk to the wall for the duration of the appointment. I'm not the type to stare and make others uncomfortable either. I have no expectations, but it's just odd to not look even once during conversation. Later that night I went out with a group of friends to several bars. It's like I was invisible there again too, which as I stated before is strange because I used to have women point me out or generally freak out in an obvious way when seeing me. That all happened when I was a bit fatter and I was far less muscular. 

    I doubted my facial attractiveness because of my own dysmorphia, but it’s obvious that’s a large contributor to my attractiveness. Especially when I look back as a kid, but childhood trauma has an interesting way of destroying every shred of self-worth you have. I don't want to rely on this superficial attention from strangers, so I'm forcing myself to think outside of that and trust what makes sense. Regardless, I'm curious about your opinion. 

    1. Hi mate, hope you are well? Apologies for not replying sooner but I've been a little preoccupied last week or so and just seen you comment. I've just published as a dedicated post.