Wednesday 30 October 2013

Are relationships built on a material world?

“In a previous world, a man’s looks would open up the doors.  In today’s world, his money may just be the ingredient to get him through the short-term door.”

A good friend of mine once told me about this girl he was highly attracted to in physical terms only (hence, she has a personality of a goldfish).  He elaborated in saying she only dated men who, simply put, were cash rich.  Whether this was due to his hard work in holding down a lucrative profession, or a case of belonging to a rich father, it didn’t matter so long as the man had plenty of money at his disposal.  The guy she was dating, although not bad looking, was clearly a couple of levels below her in physical attractiveness stakes.  This was the opinion of many people within this social circle, both females and males alike. 

The above situation was around my 19th birthday, but what stood out as much as anything at that time was the words my best friend stated of “would you really want to go out with someone you know is only with you for your money?”  At the time, and still today, the friend I refer to was the highest earner out of all the other acquaintances in my social and professional network, therefore I couldn’t praise him enough for this view.  The irony is he actually ventured into a relationship with someone with materialistic tastes some six years later.  Perhaps more bizarrely, she was fairly average looking herself.  They are now man and wife.

Many years on, and I cannot help but have the opinion that the number of women with this strategy has increased multi-fold.  High profile magazines, reality television programmes and the celebrity world we now live in have given many people the thought of wanting a piece of this, and consequently living beyond their means, or better still, living off someone else’s wealth.  In the pattern of the process, the more beautiful she is, the more scope she has to get there.  Now I’m not a na├»ve person, and in the society of fame, rich men and extreme physically attractive women, there will always be partnerships that can last for a certain period of time.  The mutual needs scenario is clear: he has someone he couldn’t have without money (and has little shame in admitting this), and she has the plentiful choice of material gifts she couldn’t have otherwise.  Women and men are very different when it comes to their motivations in seeking a partner from the opposite sex.  A man will almost always stretch himself to acquire a woman as good he can in respect to her physical attractiveness, and he is motivated by the thought of what she gives to him sexually and emotionally.  On the other hand, many women are far more inspired by the feeling they have in themselves more than the visceral grasp their man can offer.  So even if he isn’t the most handsome or charismatic man on the planet, the things he can purchase for her with an open cheque book is what makes her happy.  How long this agreement can last is open to debate.

 I have come across a number of women who appear to provide evidence to this pronounced evolution.  I recall recently catching a woman looking at me in a nightclub.  I approached her within a few seconds, and started a conversation that was probably never going to be the most stimulating (loud music and alcohol are rarely the recipe for great topic talking).  Her first question to me was “so what do you do for a living?”  A guy can analyze this in two different ways.  He can assume she is interested in his life and that it is in fact a genuine question, or he can assume she has a salary figure that many men have to jump over.  When I informed her of my job status, she basically walked away as soon as her second foot touched the ground.  Personally, once the little bit of pride has been swallowed, and we all have a level of this, it is better to concede a rejection like this as a blessing in disguise.  If a woman has this mentality, the likelihood is she is high maintenance.  A woman is only as high maintenance as a man allows her to be - in other words, if he stands up to her then she won’t act like a spoilt kid - but it is rare she will ever totally change her money orientated mindset.  Anyway, without sounding like it was sour grapes on my part, this particular woman wasn’t high calibre enough in physical appeal to belong to this category, and it’s important to realize this early on.  If a guy makes the decision to be a rich beta male, and he makes no apology with himself to find a woman like this, then that’s fine as long as he is open minded with this choice.  He will just have to forgive people like me for not joining him.

So what is the establishment here?  It’s clear to me there is a growing number of young women becoming more materialistic.  The more attractive they are, the more likely they are to fall into this cash hungry predatory status.  At this point it is important to note that not all physically attractive women are like this, and some less visually pleasing women (usually those who rate themselves higher than the rest of the world would do so) do take this approach.  Add the probability that many of these women have fathers who are keen for them to find a wealthy man, and mothers who will continuously tell them they deserve one, and maybe it is no great surprise to these outcomes. 

Is there a long term for these relationship set-ups?  Well, yes and no.  A woman’s looks are the highest critique to most men, yet this isn’t the case with many women (especially beyond a certain female age), therefore even an ugly or average looking man has a chance to secure a pretty woman.  If he can add job status, power or money to his character portfolio then he increases his overall attractiveness value.  If the woman knows within herself that money is what she desires over any other preference in her man, then she has very little reason to look elsewhere.  The problem is these are artificial feelings, and it is like a habit that needs feeding constantly.  If the poor guy bleeds himself dry to satisfy her, he ends up with a nervous breakdown and she turns to resentment of no longer having the life he promised for her.  Then again, she may just move on to the same wealthy guy with a different ugly face?

A lesson for men should be this:
Feeding a woman’s monetary needs is counter-productive over time.  If you are an astute man and confident your disposable income can stretch to cater for a cash demanding woman without detriment to you own life, and the sexual rewards supersede this expenditure, a short term blast to get what you want is not a problem.  But not many men are clued up enough to use this strategy, and they are dragged into the conveyor belt of sustained spending.  The problem with this is two-fold.  Not only are these men going further than they need to do so in relation to a woman’s true value, but she will resent him over time for doing this.  A man who constantly, excessively and consistently pays for everything (not just in money, but time and energy too) is sending out a message to the woman that he is doing these things to seek her approval.  A man who acts like this sends out a sign to signal that he can do no better.  When a woman believes the man she is alongside cannot do better than her, she starts to believe she can do better than him.  Poof, all parties are losers.


  1. Hot = golddigger
    Semi-hot = couch sloucher if she can
    Decent = go to work you lazy cow
    Ugly = Find a loser man and pay for to stay at home

  2. + porn star = find an old man who will die of aids before you

  3. One thing I will say about the post is he’s right about the last part. No woman respected a man for an open check book

  4. The problem with the post is he’s referencing only 1% of women …the types who hunt down footballers in suave London nightclubs. He conveniently doesn’t mention the other 99% genuine girls.

  5. 99%, have a laugh.More women would be like this if they could but they can’t.More men are like this than there should be cause they’re puppets and desperate.

  6. I don’t know one friend who is like this

  7. He’s right about the celebrity craze. Even young girls now know about how much celebrities earn and want a piece of it. I’m sure that I never even knew what they were on before the media frenzy and programmes. You just knew they were famous and beautiful but that was about it

  8. And there are more loser men out there so women have a raw deal. Lucky for you that there are so many gullible guys at the ready to your whip

  9. The author doesn’t know anything. Why do people believe what he says!!!!

  10. If it upsets you it’s probably as it hits a bit too close to home.

  11. You can’t blame us for being a bit touchy on this. So many women bear the brunt of a small number of the total population. Almost all women are honest hard working people with good morals. Sure, if a guy offers to buy us a drink in a bar then we will usually say yes, but this is often thrown down before we say no. Guys don’t have to buy us anything, more fool them if they think they do.