Thursday 29 May 2014

Who becomes bored and exits first?

“When boredom kicks in it is hard to conquer.  New experiences, novelties and adventures are fine at first, but then we become so expectant that the freshness translates into the mundane, and it manifests to produce a boring perception of our own life.  And as most are natural followers, we usually wait for someone else to invent a new idea.”

It is often assumed by both women and men that when an emotional relationship starts to become stale it is the man to make the first move on route to break the pure bond.  This assumption, whilst unproven, is conceivably true to the extent of infidelity.  Divorce statistics in 2011 from the United Kingdom prove this theory to be accurate, as there was eighty percent more women citing grounds for divorce based on adultery in comparison to men filing for divorce on a likewise basis.  This figure has to be assessed in line with ninety-one percent more women initiating divorce (for all causes) than men.

There are different circumstances that lead a man to be unfaithful.   A man follows the natural flow of life to financially support his partner and their children: therefore he works his way up the career ladder, earns more money, creates more status for himself, becomes more confident and charismatic on the back of all the said (especially in other female eyes), and most importantly, he interacts with more people due to this busy schedule.  When times get hard with his wife or girlfriend, temptations can turn into betrayal.

Physical attractiveness is also a factor in consideration to fornicate with someone outside of the relationship.  There are far less physically attractive men in the world than there are females in comparison.  The odd social environment like a gym will contradict this view, but if someone was to walk down a random beach, shopping mall or bar corridor, this observation would only be disagreed with by the most adamant of man claiming there are not enough hot women out there, or a woman lacking in objectivity and honesty - striving mainly to convince herself she is in an exclusive group of few beautiful women in the world.  Good looks for a man can be a drawback due to female insecurity and self-esteem needs, but if a handsome guy has a level of understanding to how the attraction world works, the figures are in his favour.  Again, numerous inducements may eventually lead him to stray from a once exclusive love.

However, probably the strongest reason for the largest group of unfaithful men is due to their lesser fear of emotional rejection.  If a man can truthfully say that he hasn’t had a woman who has blatantly asked him out on a date recently, this isn’t a coincidence.  He may have picked up on the flicking of her hair in his direction or her standing in his vicinity (usually men are alert of these female hints and proximity alerts when it is too late), but seldom does she verbally, or in any other deliverable way, put herself in a position to be objectively rejected.  Whilst not easy for men, they fear it far less and do not fall into a wave of self-pity if sustained.  Average or ugly looks are not a total show stopper for men when striving to secure women above them in physical attractiveness relativity, therefore if he also has other value traits such as personality, charisma, wealth and status, he will be able to appeal (if not physically attract) to many women.  This illogical consequence of life once again plays a favourable part in the numbers game.  For example, an average looking man will have more female pursuits than an average looking woman would have men following her.  This is true because a large proportion of women, especially as they get older, place more interest in having a supportive partner.  On the other hand, most men place maximum emphasis on female looks, over and above any other metric she may possess.  

So if men are the party most culpable to cheat, where do women fit into all this?  First and foremost, a percentage of women do carry out the role of the infidelity member in the relationship.  In this day and age, their social, and to a less extent, emotional opportunities, create a path to meet more sex-hungry males.  Nevertheless, whilst this cannot be ignored, far less women than men will be unfaithful in the same time frame of the emotional bond with their male partners.  Where women are possibly guiltier is when it comes to being the one to have the first doubts about their relationship, and to consequently look to move on.  She may not therefore adulterate, but this will not prevent her from creating a little red book of potential impending boyfriends.  The reason for all this is, more often than not, due to her boredom towards not just her current partner but also the uninteresting life she believes he has now created for her.  In these cases, a love turns into the emotion of resentment.

If you have experienced the unquestionable joy of bringing up children in the world then you will fully know of their interest and boredom levels.  I have never had this experience, but I have seen the upbringing of kids from many of my friends and family.  Amongst the pleasurable views of hair and teeth growth as the weeks pass by, along with their cute endeavours to progressively make the first walking step, what is noticeable is the ever changing carousel of the toys and games they seek enjoyment from.  I guess this is the unique nature of kids - once they have mastered the art of something they go onto their next challenge.

The above observation is no different whether it be girls or boys.  This trend, from my childhood memory, is also similar on gender comparisons when juveniles grow through their teens.  Something then happens from a person’s late teens to, dependant on the individual, sometimes even grown adult age.

Although more engaging to new challenges in life, men, by enlarge, appear to find a stage where they are more content with their life than women seem to be.  Whether this is with a steady job, a decent house or car, regular outings to the football with their friends, or four visits to the gym each week, men can be transfixed to a certain routine in their lives. Many women (especially the respective girlfriends) will view this busy life as boring, predictable and low in ambition.  An important note for a man in this situation, or if he has heard these words for himself, is to be aware that her emotive speech is looking at the perspective from her own happiness terms and not his.  What this really interprets as is: he is not taking her on enough memorable experiences, or he is not earning enough money to satisfy her own needs.  Sure, it may be an accustomed routine, but if a man is truly and genuinely happy with his weekly events then why should he feel the need to change until he needs a new challenge to please himself?  Most men will break this happy routine in order to please their partners, and there is nothing wrong and absolutely everything right with compromise providing it is a two-way process.  Usually it isn‘t two-way, but to balance out everything it is only fair to point out that, unless she has a gun pointed at his head, every man has a choice to his change-up.  Some men do change their life pattern, as the pleasure of accompanying the new experiences a woman brings to the table far out-weigh his sacrifices, and in any case, some of the week on week activities like Saturday night beers with the guys have reached the natural end.  Unfortunately, most men change due to their fear of losing her and belief she will look upon him with preference if he ditches something he does in order to suit her.  Weak men always do this, and they fail to realize women lose respect for a man for each and every time he carries this out.

On the other hand, women have less going on in their lives in general terms than men.  There are exceptions, but across a wide group this would be the outcome and conclusion.  They may talk far longer, and it may appear to a na├»ve by-stander that it is full of drama and eventful happenings, but by enlarge they are talking a lot about a very limited number of topics. This is only what makes a woman part of being her great overall character.  They are probably subconscious that their lives have become a little low on drama, they fear this will lead people to think they haven’t much going on - so they look to create fiction to prove the flame is still burning and they can validate their importance.  Again, this is all light-hearted in the whole scheme of things, and as a wise man, it can be amusement to be that by-stander and be conscious that ninety percent of the drama will not turn into anything of major consequence or impact.  It is when her boredom implicates on the man she is with that it becomes more of a serious issue.

When all said and done, a man only has himself to blame if he allows a scenario of this kind to get out of hand and uncontrollable.  If he lets himself think that nothing is enough for her then he should ask the question to how it reached there in the first place.  The answers are simple in truth: he did what he believed he had to do to keep her, which ultimately was to give up his own life to show he cared about her life more.  To re-iterate, all this achieved was a short term smile and appreciation on her behalf, with longer term achievements of expectation and reduced respect.  We can all believe we are doing the right things only later to find out we were making the absolute wrong moves.  I’ve been there.  Nobody helps you on the way, as it is a simple case of learning as you travel on.  It’s those that never learn who I feel sorry for the most.  So men should expect women to become bored, and even second guess that they will implement smoke-screen comments in finding someone else who will provide a more suitable way of life.  If this comment is made, is a relationship like this worth it?  There are plenty of much lower maintenance women in the world - they are just harder to locate.  And if high maintenance, she needs to know from the first day that she can be this way on her terms, but not on his.

It’s no secret to anyone who opens their eyes and lives in the real world that women jettison from the majority of relationships.  I would estimate this figure to be approximately seventy percent.  In my opinion, the female dominated abandonments are the consequence of four reasons:
  • First, women’s natural requirement for intensity and drama in their lives – a degree far above men’s tolerances in the same respect – causes them to become bored earlier in the relationship.  This congregation of emotions causes them to seek for more suitable options before a man thinks likewise. 
  • Second, women, by enlarge, are tuned towards finding long term relationships (and marriage material), whilst men are more content on the shorter game.  A woman will know her optimum dating period is shorter than a man’s, and this manifests as a subconscious thought process for her to withdraw from lost causes.  Within the same partnership, a man may drag his heels during indifferent times for the sake of the mitigating sexual pleasures.
  • Third, a woman’s instincts for acting out infidelity are not as strong as a man’s compulsions to sexually adulterate.  Although a woman thinks as much, if not more, as a man would do in finding a higher class mate, they are less likely to cheat within the same period.  On the other hand, a man can still love his main woman while sleeping with someone else.  Ultimately, with the exact same emotions, women will depart from the relationship, and men will pursue in concurrence with external sexual escapades.
  • Fourth, women have firm knowledge, even at an early age, that their peak sexual market value is a shorter duration than the likewise in a man’s cases.  They also know it commences many years earlier.  They will look at their mother and father at the breakfast table, and take note to how younger male facial features appear in comparison to the female version on a like for like age basis.  With this conscience, women do not hold the luxury of time on their side in finding the highest value and most suitable mate from the opposite sex.  By the age of 25, if a woman has not tracked down her ideal man, or a man who is as highest value she can attain within her limitations, she will be fully aware her options may be limited from there on in due to the competition of younger counterparts.  At the same age, a man is starting to increase his sexual market value.  If locating an idea female partner was solely in conjunction with the time his value is at the optimum stage, a man would be prudent in waiting until well into his 30s. 

As a summary, I knew of a young woman who suffered from the same threshold of boredom.  It is no coincidence that she is also high in attention requirement but relatively low in self-esteem.  Her father bought her a new car to celebrate passing her driving test.  A year later he was purchasing her a different new car.  I suspect, probably correctly, that this is in hope it puts a lid on her boredom and a smile on her face for a period of time.  In scenarios like these, I give it 6 months at the most before the joy turns to nothing more than a visual accessory. 

Women view relationships, at least up until a certain age or stage in life, far differently to men.  A relationship to a man is assessed on how happy they seem together, or worse still, how happy he perceives her to be.  A relationship to a woman is all about how it makes her feel about herself – in most cases, anyway.   When it comes to emotional relationships and the aspiration of love between a woman and a man, empathy can almost seem like an entirely different definition and world to each party.  

1 comment:

  1. "A relationship to a woman is all about how it makes her feel about herself – in most cases, anyway" is the best line in this article. This is indeed true for almost all women. They will even say this directly if you pay attention. "I love/hate how you make me feel" will be used often. Not to mention "I just want to be happy..." meaning you need to conform to her needs to try and make her happy, your being secondary. The problem is that women's happiness is a moving target throughout life.

    Great article as always!