Friday, 22 October 2021

Lambo guys: women’s perceptions

 

“The disease of the early investor comes from over emotion and a lack of understanding.”

  

As a reward to myself when I overcame my long-term cancer suffering, I bought a sports car.  It was, in my opinion, nothing too flash or expensive in the whole scheme of things, however you don’t see too many of them in your daily life around these parts.  In terms of the exact model and colour, I’ve only ever seen two others in many years since the purchase.

The main reason I purchased it was as explained above.  I held a strong desire to treat myself to something that could be identified with my triumph.  Even today, I still look at it with a similar thought pattern.  The second reason was, with respect to what I could financially afford at the time, it was car I loved from an aesthetics perspective.  I’m not someone who drives above speed limits by and large, therefore any consensus that I bought it to show off in this way can be dispelled. 

Whilst there was a subconscious passing thought at best at the time (bear in mind it was before I started to think rigorously and write about female emotional psychology) that it would conceivably impress women, and make other men jealous for that matter, I can honestly say that this was not even close to a primary motivator in procuring such a vehicle.  I even recall reading an article at the time that basically summarized a study of women’s views on men driving sports cars.  The conclusion – based on the women in the study actually telling the truth (which will never be all women answering honestly on subjects where they are emotionally moved by men) – was that whilst women will be impressed and intrigued by a man owning a stand-out car, the majority would rule him out as potential partner material for the following reasons:

·       He comes across as too flash and into himself

·       He would be poor male partner suitability

·       He would be too much of a playa

Lamborghini aspiring men

As my current profession involves daily study of the global financial markets, I tend to click on quite a few YouTube channels that focus on such topics.  It has become clear that, in the industry, the confirmation of making it big is when a man reaches the point when he purchases and owns a new Lamborghini.  Half of them aren't immune a bit of bullshit it has to be said, therefore you take what they say with some grains of salt.  When you consider this would be in the price region of $3m, naturally you aren’t going to see too many around.  If you do see a man in one of these, your first thought is going to be who he is, or how he made so much money.

It chuckled me the other week when my little nephew asked if he could sit in my car.  He obviously has an eye for sports cars when he mentioned he saw a trailer load on the motorway the day before.  He went on to add that he wished my car had vertical opening doors, and it would be better if it was a Lamborghini!  Although I knew he would have little to no idea what I meant in my response, I smirked as I told him certain cars come across to other people as too flash.

It also reminded me of a comment by a friend, when I told him only certain men can get away with driving Ferraris.  He said:

“Every person loves the Ferrari, they just don’t like the dick driving the Ferrari."

Which men can impress women in driving a Lamborghini?

Lamborghinis, or cars of similar stature, can be compared to expensive/stylish clothes in terms of women’s perceptions, and ultimate choices in men, of male appeal.  As I’ve documented on this blog before, a very good-looking man wearing an expensive/stylish suit or coat will be frowned upon by most women in comparison to an average or above-average looking man wearing the exact same garment.  With regards to the latter (both average and above average-looking men), women will look more fondly upon a man wearing a garment of perceived or transparent expense. 

Q-tip 1:

Ugly men (and to a lesser extent below average-looking men) exploiting their wealth will gain more than good-looking men doing likewise, but far less than average-looking men.  This is because any average-looking, cute or hot woman will be impressed with said ugly man’s show of wealth, but it will not generally compensate enough for women in taking oversight to his physical attractiveness deficiencies in comparison to the average-looking man. 

Nevertheless, this is a list of male types who will not be ruled out by women for driving a Lamborghini, and in fact, in most cases, they will be perceived as more desirable to women in doing so.

1)    Famous men of all kinds.  Even a good-looking or very-good looking famous man, not to be confused with as a contradiction to above explanations, will gain female attention and suitors.  This is because women love social status and attention that is brought onto themselves, and fame, far more than wealth per se, acts as this protocol.  Average-looking and above average-looking famous men will attain even more female interest in terms of women desiring to take things further.  Ugly famous men, at least with hot women, won’t gain as much interest from female hunters as good-looking men (and far less than average-looking men) when fame comes into play.

2)    Average-looking to above average-looking (but not famous) men.  Without going into too much detail, as it has all been said before, men of this physical attractiveness scale will gain the most.  As these men neither repulse women nor put women’s noses out of joints in being too attractive, an average-looking man driving a Lambo will have a waterfall of female followers, and usually the hottest women too.

3)    Ugly to below average-looking (but not famous) men.  Whilst not leveraging as much as their average-looking to above average-looking male counterparts, ugly/below average-looking men will gain significantly in the face of female projected attraction.  They effectively have gone from being invisible to a man with a UFO shining on his forehead.

4)    Short (but not famous) men.  This can be taken in a similar context to ugly men.  As a man, being short in height is not a desirable metric to belong to with reference to attracting the eyes of any woman honest woman, however once more this shortness can take a man from being overseen to highlighted once he steps foot inside that multi-million dollar car.

5)    Fat (but not famous) men.  Same reasoning as ugly or short men.

Any caveats?

Whilst the above explanations run true in the vast majority of cases, there are a couple of caveats that would bring about a possible change of events. 

·       First, a woman’s social class can play a part.  Whether that be upbringing social class mentality (hence, because of Daddy’s money) or later life social class residence (as some, especially hot, women can be brought up in lower/working class areas but down the line then find a man with wealth who can redirect her residence to an affluent area), you will find women who will be more forgiving to the most physically attractive men driving elite cars.  This is because women of this nature and monetary driven mindset have a greater attraction to a man with money.  Don’t get me wrong, nine out of ten of these women would still prefer a lesser looking man, but the lure of money offsets a lot of her self-irritability in being with a very good-looking man.

·       Second, a woman’s age acts as a factor in the same decision-making way as illustrated in a woman’s social class.  You will find that women >32 will also turn a reluctant blind eye to an eye candy man driving a flash car in comparison to women younger than this age.  This is because many women this age will have already been married and had the big wedding day that the female mind is born to accomplish, whereas younger women are still waiting for this day (whether these women are single or currently cohabiting).  Bearing in mind a hot man driving a sports car does not portray – whether fact or fiction – a man of commitment, reliability and dependability, the variable of whether a woman has been married or not will factor on her receptiveness towards said man.

A final thought

So, there you have it.  If you are a good-looking to very good-looking man, don’t expect that an expensive sports car will be the answer to your dreamscapes of endless hot women lining up for you unless you are famous or have a heavy loaded social network that consists of very attractive women.  If you are average-looking to above average-looking, you will gain the biggest bang for buck out of this buy.  If you are below average-looking, ugly, fat or/and short, you will also experience female following that is a hundred-fold (thousand-fold?) higher than before, but the level of hotness of the woman you can secure may have a ceiling.

Q-tip 2:

If the fallacy is that any man can sweep any woman off her feet if he has the right broom, then the reality is that broom needs to be in the form of something she hugely benefits from.  Just your natural charm will not be, or rarely be, enough.

Tuesday, 12 October 2021

Should a man date his mate’s ex-girlfriend?

 

Strategize the comic.  Humour the strategist.”

  

Reader rolexhandyman raises a question that hasn’t previously been explored in detail on this blog:

Hi Vinay
What is your take on dating a woman that had a sexual relationship with a close male friend. Would you ever do it? Is there any red flags?

My response:

Q-tip:

A man’s essential function in life is to desire a woman who he is uncontrollably sexually aroused by.  A woman’s ultimate motivation is to be desired by men, and to feed off the internal feeling of this ego boost over and above the projected feelings she holds onto him.  Exceptions exist, but on a wholesale basis this is the course of events.

I’m sure any man with even limited experience with women has been romantically involved with at least one woman who, at any given opportunity or even without a conversational link, mentions an ex-boyfriend.  Worse still, you may have been entangled with an ex-girlfriend who blabs on about numerous exes.  It isn’t a very nice feeling, is it?

On the other hand, whilst women will also say that they don’t like the inner feeling when their current boyfriend talks about his ex-girlfriend/s, there is a discrete difference between the two equivalent gender dynamics.  Whilst a man is neither impressed nor further attracted (and in fact is less attracted) to his girlfriend mentioning her ex, a woman, although her ego is squashed in the immediate emotion, is actually more attracted to a man when thinking of a woman he was once nailing (providing his ex is not significantly less physically attractive than her). 

With all that said, it is no surprise when you here about, and see with your own two eyes, women attempting to poach another woman’s man.  Sometimes this can even be a man who is a female “friend” of hers.  However, when it is the inverse scenario – one woman acting as the triangle with two other men – the matter is a little more complex to understand and explain.

A first-hand example

A good time ago now, I sat in the health centre steam room when a man I knew walked in sporting a bruised and cut eye that would not have been inferior to the aftermath scars seen in last Saturday’s Fury/Wilder III fight.  I knew him on a conversational basis, not only through seeing him in the gym, but also as we had recently played on opposite sides of an indoor soccer match.  He had an excellent body, an ideal height of 6ft 1”, although facially average (even before the black eye!).

I naturally asked him what had happened.  He paused a little and sighed, but then went on to tell me that his best mate had clocked him one.  I then asked whether it was just a drunken fight on a night out.  He responded by confessing that he had slept with said best mate’s girlfriend.  My first verbal response was to the words of who needs enemies when you have friends like him - with the dig being at him doing the dirty.

I don’t know what either the woman or other man in the dynamic look like, which is a shame as I’m a firm believer a person’s physical attractiveness level lays the foundation to many explanations of bewildering, and sometimes logical, occurrences in the world regarding emotional decision making.  My guess, with no proof, is his mate would be below him in overall physical attractiveness by a pronounced degree, and she was somewhere between cute to lower end hot.

I did press him a little to the ins and outs and the hows and whys, but I could tell his shame didn’t want to elaborate much more.  He was probably no older than twenty-two back then, and I could tell there was still that immature mentality of notch count precedence over male friendship loyalty, however even at that age I’d like to think that a couple of the other men in that male group disowned him for a period of time.  If people have no fear to the consequences, they will continue to commit the same crime.  Whoever said the phrase of “bros over hoes” is universal?

What is my take?

Rolexhandyman asks for my take on the consideration of dating a woman who had a sexual relationship with a close male friend.  I think you already know my answer, but it is a straight, direct, and unequivocal no way.  This stance is reinforced even further if it is a man’s brother.  I’ll expand on this…

·       First, recall what I documented at the top about the irritable feeling you have when your girlfriend mentions ex-boyfriends.  If you choose to date a woman who was once convoluted with your close friend, you are effectively giving your mind a free passport, with no prior proverbial travel checks, to feel this negativity inside such is the high likelihood that you will collide with him in frequent passing or she simply keeps mentioning him by accident or deliberation.  A slight mitigation would be if the two of you moved to another location far away from his residence. 

·       Second, and connected to the first point, is the topic of sex.  No honest man really likes the thought of another man previously nailing his current girlfriend, but in today’s realistic world you have to accept that most woman you meet over the age of eighteen (and often younger) will have experienced at least a handful of other penises inside her.  If you have knowledge of who the other men are, and compounded once more if that other man is a close friend of yours, I expect this bitter feeling to be five-fold greater.

·       Third, relationships with women are complex, demanding and infuriating enough at the best of times.  Why make this any harder in dating a woman who was once sexually involved with your close friend.

·       Fourth, in spite of his possible blessings, and even in light of possible early banter that the two of you have nailed the same girl, there is a greater chance that your friendship bond with your mate will never be as strong as it was prior to all this.  Good male friends are far, far harder to find than a woman you want to have sex with.

·       Fifth, whilst belonging to a minority in the whole scheme of things within the female population, there are plenty of cute and hot women out there.  Some of these even have a half-decent personality, and some still are potential girlfriend material (granted, this percentage is shrinking year on year).  With this in mind, there are numerous other women who could take the place of a close friend’s ex-girlfriend 

Why would the man and woman do this?

Take another look at the Q-tip above.  The man in the anecdote would have been led by his penis.  I doubt it was her unbelievable likeability that made him sleep with his best mate’s girlfriend.  Simply put, it was nothing more than his sexual urge, possibly on a drunk night, which made him do such a thing.

Conversely, the girlfriend in this triangle attained far different emotions.  Sure, if, as suspected, her boyfriend was less physically attractive than the man she cheated with, then there would be a biomechanical function, not dissimilar to how men process, which made her adulterate.  Nevertheless, these following reasons are what would have motivated her beyond her sexual attraction.  This can be taken as a general concept, and not isolated to the three people within the anecdote:

1)    The need for further attention.  It wouldn’t surprise me if she was the perennial girl who spends more social time going out with her boyfriend and his mates rather than her own female friends.  It wouldn’t surprise me further still if she was the type of woman who says she gets on better with men than women.  In easy interpretation language, a woman of this kind is an attention seeker who can’t bear the thought of any other women (especially other hotter women) having more spotlight on them than her.

2)    The need to feel important.  Dating a lesser looking man in gender comparative terms can give a woman a short to medium ego thrill feel boost, however this feel-good factor is perishable.  Over time, she will seek other sources to feed her importance/popularity needs.  Cheating with another man, even a man who is a good friend of her boyfriend, will alleviate this hunger in the immediate term at least.

3)    Associated with 2), the need for people to talk/gossip about her.  Magnified by the social media world we live in, the female craving of being talked about or attaining comments/likes on her social media page is at an all time high.  There is no sign of this slowing down.  A woman sleeping with her boyfriend’s mate will know exactly what she’s doing before an ounce of alcohol is consumed, and her motives of this having people talk about her will be a factor.

4)    The need for partner validation.  Many women don’t enjoy being single for long.  Most women of this nature will already have their next boyfriend lined up prior to the current relationship ending.  If it means having a boyfriend, or more important to her being of girlfriend status, she will have no care in it being a friend of her ex.

5)    Dating only within her social network.  Exacerbated by the last eighteen months of COVID-19 (and the social mixing restrictions that went hand in hand), women have seemingly over recent years been inclined to seek boyfriends who are already within their social circles.  A lot to do with this is a by-product of 1), 2) and 3) as given above.  In simple terms, dating a man who her existing social circles know about will bring more highlight onto her life.

Are there any red flags?

The red flags, from the potential girlfriend (or lack of girlfriend) material perspective, should be self-explanatory as spelt out in 1 to 5 above.  Fundamentally, you are running the risk of being tangled with a woman who holds an attention-seeking mindset and who is far more interested in feeling good about herself and popular in the eyes of others than she is barely, if at all, bothered about who she impacts negatively along the way.

As a best analogy that comes to mind, a woman of this type will happily drive recklessly if it means making her destination on time, in not even looking in her mirrors to who she has killed along the way.  And if one day the police did come knocking on her door, she would have little remorse, hiding behind weak excuses and justifications to why she acted in such manner.

A final thought

There are so many giveaways, even in the early days when women are on their best behaviour, to whether a woman you become romantically involved with will be good girlfriend/long term material.  It begs belief to why so few men pick up on this, or more likely, why they are petrified to accept this reality.

And I’m not going to be a total hypocrite here.  Whilst I have never been sexually involved with a mate’s ex-girlfriend, there was one time when I was eighteen that I pursued one of my best friend’s exes.  He gave me his blessing, although if I’m honest part of my incentive was because he hunted her after he knew I was interested.  I guess it was innocent naivety on my part, to be kind.

I have also been involved with married women.  Whilst this may come across as a contradiction to what I have documented in the past – that it is far better to be with a woman who is single than a woman who has another man in her life, all else equal – by majority it was more a sense they were married/engaged than knowing with confirmation.  Also, knowing that most women perceive me as poor long term male partner suitability, deep down I knew they were only using me for their physical requirements.  The end results (hence them going AWOL shortly after), more often than not, proved my instincts to be correct.

So, my final words to the ultimate question – dating a woman that had a sexual relationship with a close friend - would be to not even consider it for a single minute.  There is truly little to gain, in relation to what you have to lose or will detrimentally go through.

Saturday, 2 October 2021

How to know you’re over a girl

 

“Choose to be bitter, or choose to be better.”

  

If there’s only one thing that I’ve prided myself over during the lifespan of this blog, it would be the humility to accept and subscribe to where I made poor mistakes with women during my younger days.  I still make isolated mistakes today, but they are few and far between in the whole scheme of things.

Although I now hardly ever take a look at other manosphere (is it even still referenced as this?) blogs, when I first entered the space – both as an observer and then a writer – it was clear how the vast majority would seemingly only tell the audience their success stories.  There is an argument to suggest that informing men of their deficiencies would be of no benefit to said male reader, however I’m a firm believer that you process in this order:

1)    Recognize your deficiency/weakness/mistake

2)    Accept your deficiency/weakness/mistake

3)    Analyse why you made that wrong move

4)    Insist in yourself that you will learn from it

5)    Make a plan in never making that mistake again

6)    Find a better course of action than before

Of course, not every box will be ticked every time.  Environmental situations, and the time constraints involved in making efficient decisions on the spot, dictate to whether you successfully prevail or not.  It’s a bit like being a master of theory, but a failure in practice.  Nevertheless, over time the theory and retrospective thoughts do assist your real-life scenarios, and you become a better and happier man for it. 

The backdrop…

By biggest mistakes with women, and hence my strongest heartaches, came between the ages of 18 to 20.  There were occasional lapses and forgettable memories post this age range, but these three years brought about endless dealings with women who would treat me like dog poo and break my heart.  At least, I thought they had broken my heart at the time. 

I was somewhat fortunate to meet my first true girlfriend before this age range, and to an extent, I was almost spoilt.  As she was just a genuine girl wanting nothing more than an enjoyable and loyal boyfriend, I can’t remember many, if any, mind games, manipulations and lies she would produce.  Not at first, anyway.  With this in mind, I wasn’t greatly prepared for what was truly to come.  When it did end, I just put it down to us going separate ways (we were also not from the same city/town).

Between 18 to nearly 21, I made the cardinal sin of being the nice guy who tried too hard.  Naivety and a lack of experience played a big part, in addition to the first girlfriend who somewhat laid down a template in my mind that niceness was what most women desired.  You could say I had to learn the hard way in this respect. 

There were half a dozen women – aged between 18 to 25 – during those three years who implemented the same system.  First, they chased me.  Second, they gained my interest to ask them out.  Third, they captured my heart.  Fourth, we entered into a relationship.  Fifth, they pulled away the harder I tried – with the usual lies, disappearing acts and excuses for unavailability to be now known as customary accompanies.  Sixth, they dumped me (that is those who had the courage to inform me in person).

The sickly feeling…

Post official splits on all occasions, came the perennial sickly feeling that any honest man can relate to.  To start with you can’t think of anything but her.  Time seems like it is standing still, as all you want is to be back with her.  It’s like no other woman in the world exists.  You don’t feel like eating or going out with your mates.  Sleeping can be a problem.  On occasions, you even try to put yourself in the locations she may be found (yes, effectively stalking her!), in hope she has a change of thought if seeing you in the flesh.  The thought of her with a new boyfriend makes you feel like fainting, or even crying.  The vision of her having sex with another man makes you feel sick, and almost to the point of not holding ambitions to be alive, such is the pain of this thought. 

The inevitable – finding out she has a new boyfriend – will always find it’s way to your confirmation.  I can guarantee any man that a high percentage (I’d estimate this being above 60%) of women already have their next potential boyfriend lined up before she dumps you.  As most women need the validation of being known as a “girlfriend”, they will still stay in an unhappy existence until they have a near guarantee that another man will be picking her up the following week.

When you do find out, you blame yourself rather than her.  You ask all the questions to what you could have done better, but in reality the good (or “nice”) things you did played a big part in driving her away.  It’s kind of ironic that you look for the bad things in yourself, yet it was the good things that cost you.  The facts of the matter are that you most likely couldn’t have done much more to salvage the relationship.  Over time, a man with experience and perspective just accepts that women are complex creatures, and the illogical in turn forms the logic.

How to know if you’re over her…

There is one simple way to know whether you are over a woman or not.  This can even apply to a woman you were perhaps pursuing (but who had stolen your heart, or at least penis thoughts!), yet never made it to even the dating phase.  Simply put, it is all down to how you feel when you are aware another man is nailing her.

In essence, if the thought of her having sex with this man gives you all the negative feelings as described further up, yet compounded further with this knowledge, the long and the short of it is you are not even close to being over her.  On the other hand, you know you are fully over a woman when she could practically be having naked passion with a man in front of your own two eyes, yet she is as good as invisible to you.  Sometimes you may even be pleased about this, such is the fear in your mind that you think she may try and rekindle with you after you want nothing to do with her – whether as a relationship or even for sex.

Naturally, you need to be in the latter thought process to move on and enjoy your life once more.  It is easier said than done, especially as a young man with limited experience in female emotional psychology, but there are ways that assist moving towards this extreme, as opposed to the other extreme when your mouth is completely dry in despair.  I list a few:

·       Find a new girlfriend (or a short-term fling) who sexually arouses you as much, if not more, than her.  Even if she isn’t girlfriend material, the sheer energy and time distraction in sleeping with the new girl will hugely contribute to a less achy heart.

·       Find a new girlfriend who comes as close to matching your past partner’s desirables in as many metrics as possible.  Once this has been accomplished, there should be very little reason in looking back.

·       Convince yourself that any relationship that ends couldn’t have been that great in the first place.  No good relationship ends just for the sake of it (excluding if the split is based on logistics/distance reasons).

·       Remind yourself of all her negative aspects.  Did she lie, manipulate, disappear, play mind games, or act like a bitch too often for your liking, and for no given reason?  Did she smoke, or have a nasty smell in certain places?  Did she never pay for anything, and took advantage of your expenditure and endeavours?  Not one woman is perfect, far from it, and every woman is replaceable and interchangeable.

·       Realize, that as unbelievable a feeling it is when a man and a woman are happy together, that this pinnacle happiness phase holds a shelf life.  Often this expiry date lasts no longer than a tin of tomatoes. 

·       Understand, as harsh as this is, that women’s physical beauty is short lived.  For every girlfriend you split up with, it is an opportunity to find someone younger and with more prime years ahead.  And so on, and so forth. 

A final thought

Take it from me, as a man who has never been married or had kids, not one woman leaves me with a memory as the one that got away.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a couple of girlfriends who were as loyal and amiable as feasibility allows, but they’d be older now and I wouldn’t have been able to experience what I have with many other (albeit not as good girlfriend material) women.

This isn’t to say all men should follow this path.  I never intended for this path to happen to me, and in the end I only look at this path as God’s destiny to what was best for both me, and them.  If you do honestly believe you find a woman who gives you happiness that cannot be imagined or matched, I would always say to any man that she is worth keeping and committing to.  The purpose of this post isn’t about abstaining from commitment.  The purpose of this post is explaining how to get over a woman who treated you badly, or a woman who is currently treating you like toilet paper.  And it will happen, I can assure you of that.

Q-tip:

Any heart can be mended.  It just doesn’t seem that way at the time.