Tuesday 27 October 2020

COVID-19 winners and losers in relationships


“It’s only when the tide goes out that you learn who has been swimming naked.”

(Warren Buffett)


I doubt many of us would have expected to still be in the same, if not worse, predicament now as in comparison to the early part of this year.  Whether it be on health, psychological or economic spectrums, there aren’t any current signs of a brighter day post COVID-19 implications.

I certainly have not been immune to all this.  Whilst I still have scepticism on the whole statistics side, I guess when hospitals are crowded and coronavirus case numbers are increasing, the whole pandemic cannot be disregarded no matter how cynical a person one may be.  I still find it strange that, in spite of attaining a fairly large network of people within my working and personal groups, I don’t know of one person who has been inflicted by the virus.  I barely know of any on a second hand basis too.

Psychologically, I have sailed through all this, although I know many who have struggled.  When the sun is shining and you aren’t suffocated in seeing your wife and kids too much (as I’m not, due to owning neither), it’s easier for the long days to pass.  The winter will be more testing to many though, including myself.

Economically, it has been a mixed bag.  My financial portfolio is bizarrely at an all time high (mainly due to financial stimulus being pumped into corporate greed once more), yet this positive strike is somewhat negated by now effectively being unemployed due to the business I worked for going insolvent.  I’m in the company of tens of millions more around the world in losing their jobs.

The winners and losers in relationships

When I published this post back in March, my prediction was this would lead to a favourable consequence for beta males who are willing in commitment and provision.  Look forward six months or so, I think this was now a conservative view.  It is an incredible time for these men if they make the right steps.

As always, any circumstance brings about winners and losers.  I’ll cover the main two from each side:

Winner 1 - Beta Male / Nice Guys

Basically, these men have had a spring and summer like no other.  As I documented in this post amongst other snippets, in normal times a lot of these men will be dumped by women shortly after Valentines Day in order for them (women) to pursue edgier men and fun times with the girls on nights out and holidays.  But this has been no ordinary year.

What COVID-19 has produced - with its associated lockdown measures, social venue restrictions, and limited travel – is a greater necessity for women to stay with men they perhaps are indifferent with and men they would have ordinarily moved on from.  A greater need for boyfriend companionship and validation has arisen from this mess we are found in, and this will be all the more applicable the smaller the city/town population.  When not as many female friends are venturing out, more women will choose for boyfriend time.

Winner 2 – Homely Girls

Homely girls – often cute girls ranging from 6.5/10 to 7.5/10 in physical attractiveness – are by no mean coincidence usually found with your typical average looking beta male.  The two kind of go hand in hand.  Homely girls aren’t too fond on socializing with female friends and they have a stronger need for boyfriend validation than their hotter female counterparts, whilst nice guys gain through securing these women who are better looking then them in gender relative terms (“he’s boxing above his weight”).

Nevertheless, although homely girls are accustomed with greater loyalty, trust and faithfulness, they are not any less inclined in thinking of a passionate night with an edgier man.  Some eventually act out their fantasy in practice too. 

However, with fewer good time girls and drama queens telling them stories of nights out, holidays, festivals and flirting with hotter men, a homely girl will feel better about her lifestyle choice in being with a safe, even if mundane, man.

 Loser 1 – Hot Men / Bad Boys / Cads

It would take a while to differentiate the fortunes between all three, but parallels will exist.  In all cases, this compartment of men is by and large most prominent in low commitment levels and high short term relationships with women.

Of course, these men rely on vibrant social dynamics where single women (or attached women going out with their female friends) are plentiful in being seen and having drunk, good times.  When bars are shutting at 10pm latest and an open nightclub is like seeing a pig flying in the sky, women willing to partake in these short term flings and good times are far lower in number.  It’s no coincidence that you are seeing a lot more aesthetic men in gyms at early doors.

 Loser 2 – Female Social Media Whores / Attention Seekers / Girl’s Girls

Again, at the risk of being ignorant in not separating each group, each one will entwine with the other on many occasions.  Similar to the men as explained directly above, these women are reliant on a high intensity social scene in order to exploit their all so fabulous life, existence and importance.  With all this being taken away, there are only so many photos a woman can take and post on Instagram from the corners of her lounge (which, as a by-product of the modern day female character we have to live with, has happened a lot over the last six months).

Unlike a man who requires a hectic nightlife environment in order to increase his chances of sex, women are far more concerned (and many women are only concerned) with showing the world how great she is.  The attention from men she receives is just an add on feel good factor and ego boost to assist the social media exploitation.  A large proportion of this exposure facility has been taken away from her.

 A final thought

So in essence, the biggest winners are men and women who like to spend a lot of time with their partner, and the biggest losers are men and women who hold strong predilections for low commitment and self-projected attention respectively.  For the foreseeable future, those who like steady relationships, even if passion is not of high optimums, are the ones with smiles on their faces.

Nothing lasts for ever though.  Life is cyclical, and things will eventually change.  Maybe this time though, those women who have lived a year of this life will change their ways indefinitely.  Or will human nature dictate, and normal service will be resumed this time next year?  Or, more likely, in eighteen months time.  For once, I cannot say with total conviction which side of the coin I believe it will fall on. 

Sunday 18 October 2020

Modern day drama queen women


“Some aspects of life have manifested in a race to the bottom.  At times it feels like people throw an inundated amount of shit at the wall, playing the numbers game in ultimate hope that eventually some of it sticks.”


It could be teenage girls rambling on about nothing when you walk past them during walking your dog.  Maybe it is early 20’s women – in the prime of their physical looks and social options life pinch point – slagging off their friends, boyfriend, or a man who has effectively treated her like shit (which ironically is kind of what she desires anyway).  In today’s era, it can also be women in their mid to late 20’s, extending the period when they really should have grown out (but unfortunately they have not) of acting like their immature former self ten years ago.  Perhaps you have recently played school pick up role of Dad or Uncle, and you overhear women in their 30’s or even 40’s speaking amongst their peers about the social media goings on in their pitiful small local network.  And whilst thank god not as common, but equally growing in number, you even today find women in their 50’s, 60’s and heaven help us 70’s still looking for ways to keep the flame burning in their lives as a product of exaggerated stories.

The long and the short of it is, if you are willing to let yourself be dragged into some sort of commitment with >95% of women – no matter how big (hence living together, engagement or marriage) or small (short to medium term dating) this commitment is to be – you need to be fully prepared that the modern day woman is a species striving for drama in her life on a factory line basis, and it shows no sign of slowing down any time soon.  If you somehow do land on a dime where the woman you are involved with doesn’t seem to be one to grasp an ounce of drama at any given opportunity, you are most likely a man living in vain hope, ignorance of reality, or simple lack of experience with women to compare a pool of averages.

 Q-tip 1:

If you find a woman where everything in the early stages seems too good to be true, it is because it probably is (too good to be true).

The recent scenario

Last Sunday I was on a very quick early gym session before rushing off to see my young nephew play his first football match.  I had only been working out for ten minutes when I could hear some kind of verbal commotion about ten yards away.  Sat on one of the static benches was the male gym duty manager, although I assume he wasn’t working at that particular time.  His verbal shouting opponent was a female Personal Trainer / employee in her work uniform.  He is a slightly above average looking guy with what seems like small man’s syndrome issues, whilst she has always come across as quite friendly in addition to her cute physical attractiveness of 7/10.  She’s a bit too bow-legged for my liking, although facially very pretty. 

They went at it for about ten minutes, and the basis of it was her waxing not so lyrical about just “some guy she knows.”  He was giving as good as he got back, but I couldn’t grasp quite what he was replying with.  I presumed the two of them were together emotionally in some capacity.

A week on (hence today), and I was queuing for opening.  She got out her car and towards the door, commenting on that she thought the doors would be open.  She called someone on her phone, and a minute later the man referenced above, this time in his work clothing, opened up.  As I walked to the changing rooms, I heard her say just something routine to him. 

About twenty minutes into my workout, I moved to the other side of the gym (which is near the reception area) to finish off the last half of chest routine.  Low and behold, the two of them were at it again, and they continued on and off for approximately ten minutes.  I have to confess that for a few minutes last week it was kind of amusing.  Today it just came across as tedious, pitiful and desperate.  Not a grain of discretion or professionalism between the pair.  Then again, what should I expect from two gym workers in a chavvy side of Derby (with respect!).

My interaction with her

For the last ten minutes I went over to the TRX area to do some core work.  She came over to the blackboard which is situated over there prior to her 9am body pump class tuition.  I sarcastically said to her that I don’t need to watch any soap operas when her and that guy are going at it, to which she laughed and just said “oh, we’re just friends having a disagreement.”  I said to her, with a smirk on my face, that from my experience when someone hates another person that passionately there is a deep-rooted emotional attraction for them.  She impulsively denied this, saying they were just friends.  I said they seem more like a married couple.  She questioned to me if I never have arguments with my friends.  I replied in stating not really, and I added that I wouldn’t argue with a woman I wasn’t into as she would mean nothing to me to waste energy on (in retrospect, that isn’t completely true as I could argue with an unattractive provocative woman or a cock block etc…).

On the back of my comment about not arguing with a woman I’m not attracted to, I sensed a slight hesitation on her part, almost like she was trying to work this out.  She would have thought one of the two possibilities, each with contrasting outcomes to her ego:

  •  She could have taken this as a positive strike to her ego in interpreting my words as the guy finding her attractive.
  •  She could have taken this as an immediate negative blow to her ego, in construing my platonic demeanour towards her as me being unattracted.

Most likely, as women will do anything to send themselves to the moon, she will focus on the former.  In any case, not for a moment do I believe they are just friends.  Friends with benefits is the most likely circumstance.

Q-tip 2:

Women handle a friends with benefits relationship far worse than men.  This is purely because women, outside of prostitutes or porn actresses, find it much harder to disassociate passion and sex with emotional commitment.  Men on the other hand can easily go into a no strings attached agreement with a woman on a sex only basis, and quite happily not become emotionally involved.  This is, from a man’s perspective, because although he will happily not knock a gift horse in the mouth, deep down he has ruled her out as long term girlfriend or wife material – such is the too easy access to sex and questioning how many men she has done it with, or will do it with again.

To put another way, a man can have sex with a woman without attaining even a pint-sized pocket of love projected onto her.  As alluded to above, easy sex outside of committed relationships will only conceivably distance any prospective love he could have onto her.  Conversely, once a woman has had sex with a man or is contemplating having sex with him, the likelihood is she has some kind of (if not pure) twisted loving feeling towards him.

Don’t be the one to save the jerk loving / drama hunting woman

As I have directlyand indirectly explained in these two previous posts, when a woman has a clear inclination for jerks, or she has stated how unlucky she is and always ends up with men who treat her badly, she is one to stay away from in terms of commitment.  Have your fun with her, but draw the line there.  In spite of being a little above average looking, 5ft 6” maximum in height, and working in a low paid profession – hence objectively not of high sought after male calibre -  my better judgement tells me the man referenced in this post has an element of jerky reputation that has been manifested into the woman’s mind.  This attraction of his jerkiness is all the more compounded when it is a man somewhere floating in the circle of people she knows personally.  Women of today’s era find a greater need for drama produced from their small WhatsApp links or similar, than meeting men from corners they don’t know first-hand. 

A woman who has a history of dating jerks and/or men who are apathetic towards her will tell and usually convince nice guys – as >80% of men are nice guys – that all this is based on bad luck and nothing to do with her subconscious (or sometimes conscious) choices to go for men who bring the most drama to her life.  I always go by simple statistics.  If she dipped her hand in a bag looking the other way and 8 to 9 balls were green (nice guys) and 1 to 2 balls were red (jerks), would she pick out a red ball every time?  I think not.

A final thought

Women who strive for a constant and indefinite need for drama, often connected to dating jerks, are effectively women who cannot grow up in maturity terms.  You can reason and comprehend with a female mind following the natural innate character make up that is a teenage girl who goes for what is forbidden and in addition to feed her inner drama queen, but in order to be prepared to commit to a woman and put your financial, emotional, time and psychological well-being on the line, you have to be firm and predict that if she hasn’t grown out of this by 23, she probably never fully will.  And this will implicate on you in due course when she becomes bored of the stable relationship she has found with you.

In essence, you have a choice.  Go balls deep and hope for the most in committing to one of these women, or play a much safer game in the law of averages by acting apathetic, indifferent, non-committal and jerky towards her.  The irony is, in spite of telling all her friends that she wants nothing more than a nice guy to treat her right, the truth is she would end up with greater unhappiness with this “perfect guy” than she would do in being with the man who treats her like dog crap.