Saturday 28 February 2015

Weekend morning gym girls

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
(Anthony Robbins)

Something that always brings a rise smile to my face is the demeanour and body language of women when they walk into the gym once kitted out.  I’m not talking about positive emotion on my part in view of attractive sites either.  Sure, there is the usual 1% to 2% who do catch my eye, but by and large it isn’t a lot better in beauty stakes than walking the streets or entering any other social venue, outside of weekend bars and clubs when the benchmark raises a little.  And as a guy who has been a member of the same “health centre” for over half a dozen years, I have to add that the standard of women has slowly decreased year on year.

With isolated exceptions, these women strike up common trends in their nervous approach to the first exercise machine.  Whether hefty or slim, pale or dark, pretty, plain or ugly, the traits of self-consciousness, insecurity, trepidation and fear (yet false belief) that everyone is looking on at them are all there and clear to see.  Like usual, women will get away with these deficient mannerisms, because men are born in vast proportion with innate and developed mindsets to idolize one so great who sports a hole between her groin regions.

Why are women so anxious when striding into the gym?  Why do they look down at their IPods or phone if walking in alone?  Why do they appear far more comfortable when in female or boyfriend company?  I offer you these main 3 explanations:
  • Women are natural followers.  Very few are born leaders or formed with confidence to stride on without a care to external social observations or opinion.  With this in mind, the gym will be the most prominent social venue in a living week where they rarely have a shoulder lean to on for safety in numbers security.  When a bird flies alone when usually accustomed to a flock of companions, the uncomfortable feeling this manifests brings about an unnatural way of acting, when in turn it should be a subconscious care-free delivery.
  • Women are concerned about what the outside world thinks of their existences.  Nothing illustrates this more than a requirement of social validation.  Why do you think they unofficially fight amongst themselves to who can attain the most social network “friends” or “like” comments?  Again, lonesome identity can leave them in fear of how everyone perceives their level of importance.
  • Fat and overweight girls can’t hide the flab.  Pale girls are unable to, in realistic terms, lay a load of foundation on their layers after a day at work to conceal the pasty reflection.  Cute and hot girls, whilst standing out in relativity, will look mediocre in comparison to their dolled up appearance for the office or a night out.  In all cases, self-doubts will never be more susceptible than the hour long cardio, weights or flex activities.

The gym is not a great place to pick up women, and the barriers mainly fall at the feet of reasons as highlighted.  Add on the shield of headphones in their ears, and the challenge for even the greatest pick up expert will be a tough one.  I’ve had a decent (at best) hit record in taking things further with girls I like in the gym, and it has marginally outweighed my success rate in bars or clubs over recent years.  That said, in a typical month I will attend the gym 10 times more than a busy bar where women worth having are to be seen, therefore similar to anything else, the numbers game for opportunities will not lie.  A hit rate is also relevant to how high, or low, a man’s standards in women are.

So if women are at unease in the gym in general terms, you can bet your last pound sterling that this negative emotion will further magnify at the weekend.  Elevate it one step further still if it is at an early hour.  “What will people think of me if they see me in a gym at 9am on a Saturday or Sunday!?   Will they think I have no social life or no man who loves me?”  Heaven forbid, the world will end won’t it…

Nevertheless, there are times when some cute and hot women will be seen in a gym at the crack of dawn, irrespective to it being in the week or during the weekend.  For those hungry guys on the lookout, expect her to fall into any of these 3 categories:

No Boyfriend Girl

As many of these women will be girl’s girls, a reasonable percentage of early morning female gym attendees will be absent of a male lapdog partner.  A girl’s girl craves for a man to be alongside every bit as much as her boyfriend validation peers, but as she is infamous for raising a much higher bar for men to jump over (until she becomes older and less physically attractive, hence less options, equals less choosy), she is less inclined to settle for guy who makes her feel indifferent. 

Although women in this compartment as explained above are paranoid to how the planet perceives them, over and above any other character genre of female, they are the most dedicated to look good and keep in shape.  If you put these two factors together, an early morning workout, with few people around to collide with in drawing conclusions that she is an unwanted woman, ticks both boxes.

Of course, less sought after women will also be in the gym queue before the bell rings. These women care very little to how they look, as they have given up all hope of meeting the man of their dreams.  Men within their grasp – lower calibre men – will not look down at her due to the get out of bed look that greets him.  He will be grateful to have a dime on his dick with any walking vagina.

Girlfriend of Top Man

Women love men who act as they shall please.  Women’s egos despise these men, but by no mean coincidence, they always go hunting and running back to them.  Simply put, a top quality man will, with incremental gestures, affection and illustrations of love displayed, put himself first.  If this means meeting his buddies early doors in order to get a good workout fulfilled, this is what he shall do.  

Ironically, compare this with the typical man.  He meets a woman, becomes infatuated, drops all his routines that quite possibly include early gym sessions, and wastes away into a male form of an over-exerting and under-appreciated sucker.  Great for a woman’s ego and feedback to her friends, but unforgiving to his medium and longer term prospects. 

When a woman is dating a man who continues with his early dates of social habits – whether that is the gym, football or overnight recovery from misdemeanours – the woman in this bond will try as hard as possible to stay attractive in maintaining his interest.  Early morning gym expeditions are the answer, in hope he will have time to see her later.

Woman unsatisfied with boyfriend

If the first two groups – single women or happy attached women – are transparent in clarification, the final group is a more grey area.  That said, it is quite likely the most common, as most women do have boyfriends such is the necessity to at least prove to the watching public that they are worthy to this earth.  But a woman who is seen at the gym doors in dark morning light or sunrise time will likely be underwhelmed with the current man in her life.

Think about it.  Most men are beta males, they will do anything to stay overnight with their female partner, and for as long as possible the next morning.  These men who are option-stricken, clingy, jealous, untrusting and possessive (as most men are) will want to keep tracks on her every move.  Women who idolize the high quality man they are with will do likewise in terms of wanting to spend as much time as possible with him.  So the question begs: why would a woman go to the gym at the crack of dawn?   

The easy answer is that, like most women suffering from good feeling depletion and simultaneous irritation with the companionship of their better halves, they are on the lookout for something better.  One of the objectively best looking women I have seen in the gym some 18 months ago typified this occurrence.  She started as an early Saturday sweater, and this soon moved over to Sundays.  After I made my intrigued advances, she continued with this routine for a few weeks.  It turned out she had been dating a guy for 6 months, yet she was moving away without him and venturing on a summer holiday with her friend.  She further added that prior to her current boyfriend, she had been in a relationship of 4 years.  I could sense the torch she still held for the ex.  To me, the current boyfriend had “stop-gap” written all over him.

Q-tip 1:
You can sense a lot in how enamoured a woman is with her male partner from her facial expression.  When you see a ray of light on the face, there is a strong chance she is genuinely in love and sexually satisfied.  If there is an irritable and uncontrollable force that acts to produce the world’s problems on her shoulders, the big money is on her impending departure, a feeling of nothing more than content, or a need to hire a gun and shoot his next wrong move that will supply her with jettison justification.

Q-tip 2:
Some cute and low end hot women will start to kit out differently in the gym once they have met a beta male boyfriend.  What was once exploitation of her toned legs and body in the form of sporting high shorts and a tight vest, almost overnight turns to a baggy t-shirt and covering much of the waist down skin.  Women will have a hard time explaining this sudden transformation, probably substantiating with weak reasoning of the gym being too cold.  When women take this more conservative option, yet the actual body is still roughly in the same shape as it has always been, you can place a fair assumption on it being a case of trying to convince her mind that she is now that bit more mature, and this “maturity” is emblematic in her new dress code.  Deep down, she is clinging onto vain hope that this new image and life alongside a safe (but low in demand) boyfriend is what will make her happy.

Saturday 21 February 2015

Post Valentine’s Day thoughts

“Watch, learn, sense, experience, contemplate, reflect and act;
all aspects of your life that should take precedence over what you hear.”

The beauty of life is that hardly anything stays the same for a sustained period of time.  Careers, work colleagues, friendships, animosities, hobbies, promises, resolutions, ambitions and dreams are just some of the events we go through that take crossroads off the high road we once envisaged.  When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, nothing epitomizes change more than this one element to our busy existences.  When it derives to women’s evaluation of heterosexual intimate relationships, this intensity of change compounds further still.

As mentioned more than a couple of times on this blog, a high percentage of women lay claim to the fact that they are the big losers in the sexual market.  They will justify in reason of having far more emphasis to look, and stay, in preserved physical attractiveness shape in order to maintain the interest of their male partner.  They will state that, as a by-product of this requirement, men eventually cheat on them and this is why it comes to an end.  Once settled down, they will abide by the substantiation that their husbands, fiancés or boyfriends were equally, if not more, proactive in desiring to bring children into the world.  Once the kid is birthed, many women retrospectively forecast their careers have been put on hold to cater for motherhood.  And when the inevitable divorce occurs, they think the situation in economic terms leaves them worse off than before they met the guy.

Before you sweethearts and lapdogs fall for the sob story and have the tissues at the ready, allow me to place some magical spray of reality into the ocean of female tragic life.  I’ll answer in order of the above:
  • It is more important for a woman to physically look good to attract the opposite sex than the need for men to be physically alluring to women.  However, this task contributes >90% of all a woman needs to do, as men primarily and almost single-handedly assess female attractiveness and desirability on this isolated factor.  On the other hand, women produce a tick list longer than their arm for men to meet.
  • Some men do cheat, and often this will be a case of no longer finding their female partner sexually attractive.  Nevertheless, never forget that women initiate more than 2/3s of divorces.  Pre marriage, and most notably with women younger than 30, and this female jettison figure will be higher.  So on a cross section basis, women are 3 times more likely to depart from the relationship than men.  Oh, and men file for divorce on infidelity grounds more than women, in percentage terms.
  • If put on lie-detectors, it would be categorically clear to see that women are more proactive than men in wanting children.  In a western world where the contraceptive pill is dished out like hay in the plough season, many women still become pregnant (and have the kid), despite the incredibly low percentage chances if using this form of contraception properly, through jerks and losers they barely knew.  So don’t try telling me that men crave for children as much as women.  Millions of men have children because they were either manipulated into it – hence unplanned or not consented - or they went against their better wishes in fear of losing the women they love.
  • If some women do need to put their careers on hold, and only a tiny proportion of women have a true professional position that backs up this consensus, then why have children in the first place?  Further to this, companies are so susceptible to having their balls fired if sexism or discrimination is sniffed, therefore nearly all women have the opportunity to re-enter at the same level and role.  But she wants to see her children grow up and take them to nursery beyond the 12 month maternity period!  Life just isn’t fair, is it?
  • How many women can honestly say they are worse off from a financial perspective than prior to meeting their hubbies?  Very few, will be the honest answer.  I can’t think of many women who join up in a relationship where they stack all the cash into a wedding, house and holidays, and the man ends up running away with more than he started with.  If this is the rare scenario, then get a contract signed up front to protect your interests.  Yes, a woman may not be as well off in in the aftermath of a divorce than during happy days, but you can place a fair bet on her being no worse off than before they locked hands for the first time.

The Valentine’s lonely hearts club

In spite of all the topics I write about, I take no pleasure in seeing anyone in the world unhappy.  For people who have yet to experience tragic events, or those who struggle to find true perspective, I would expect nothing makes a person ask more questions about the fairness in their life than being single on Valentine’s Day.  When I saw a few sad faces at the gym last Saturday morning, it did bring a slight air of sympathy on my part.

Although many will play the big man verbal game of loving the life of freedom, most men will not take kindly to being single on this day of romantic celebrations.  They simply deal with it better, in comparison to women, as the male mind does not come anywhere close to the validation necessities in showing the world that somebody loves them.  Men will also have many more pastimes to take part in on that particular day, and they are not jealous of their male mates being unavailable like women are envious of their female friends being spoilt by and snugged up with a sucker boyfriend.  The biggest problem to a man’s single status on Valentine’s Day is the thought of no guaranteed lay.

Flip the coin, and a woman bases her whole self-importance on confirmation that a man loves the portrait of her existence.  As most women lack solid and genuine friendships, an array of hobbies or a satisfied career, they will allow their minds to believe everyone is judging them on whether a man values their identity in the world.  If you ever see more than a few decent looking women with total loser looking men around February 14th, don’t be frightened to conclude this female trepidation of lonesome activity is the main factor.  Any guy beats no guy, right?

Conquering Valentine’s attachments

If you are like me, and you have spent more than half your adult life by not sending Valentine’s Day cards and associated presents, well I could call you incredibly smart.  As most men aren’t that savvy, and the reasons for absent female company on this monumental date is through other reasons, I would tend to think there may be a good number of women who you wish weren’t with a certain guy, and in result she was with you.  Fear not for today, as tomorrow opens up a new chapter.

It’s never a coincidence that around early February many women will have been dating a man for the 2 to 3 month period.  November is notorious for women to start the ball rolling in the way of projected Christmas presents, New Year’s Eve dates and Valentine’s Day flowers.  I’ve always said that it isn’t at all difficult for a woman to find a man.  What is far, far more challenging is for a woman to locate a man she deeply desires to be with. 

If there are tell-tale signs that a woman is indifferent with her Valentine, and relationships are your ultimate goal, this is your time to strike.  She will have bled his generosity, efforts, idolization and genuine motives dry, and whilst he is walking past travel agents in hope the two of them could be strolling along a sunny beach afar in the summer, she is simultaneously devising a way to let him down gently whilst still holding onto her integrity.  Simply put, she will want to dump him in a manner that makes out it is not her fault.

So in essence, the end finishes with the beginning.  Women are rarely victims in the sexual market.  By and large, women do the selecting, and women also do the dumping.  Up to the age of around 35, the average value of a woman in the dating field is greater than the male age equivalence.  This is only true because of the vast numbers of desperate and mediocre men nesting like ants breeding around sugar in the first warm day of spring, but true it is all the same.  This unavoidable occurrence manifests to allow women to have more power.

If you can stand out as a man, and this is by no means only confined to physical stature, you will quite easily be the guy she sits opposite during next Valentine’s Day.  Women, especially aided by today’s hypergamous mentality, are always on the lookout for a better male option.  So many settle for below their potential to avoid being alone on days as those mentioned.  This is why guys like me will often see women past their best looking over in my direction, considering the choice they made years ago.  Making a safe choice, or the wrong choice, will usually come back to haunt them.

Saturday 14 February 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey outcome

“Sometimes even low expectations disappoint further still.”

If you are one of the many millions who plans to venture off in blind faith to see the blockbuster of the century, and in turn you are someone who detests a clue or two on the script, I’d advise you to read this post another time.  What I can say is that by reading this prior to the big event, it will neither ignite nor reduce your “enjoyment” of the film.

The film critics were always going to be waiting with baited breath once their premiere viewing was available pre mainstream release, and being the experts of their trade, many of them may even had decided up front that Fifty Shades of Grey would be an overwhelming failure.  Film critics are prominent in attempts to convince the Joe Blogs cinema visitor that they know everything there is to know about any particular genre.  When one so anticipated is on offering, their teeth only further gain appetite like a Great White Shark sensing sea lion blubber after a week-long famine.   

Nevertheless, for those who were critical, whether in pre-conceived or post objective manner, they would have been right.  Entertainment will always be subjective, but when even women – many who would have raved on about the book content over recent years - walk out of the theatre looking somewhat perplexed and disappointed, I think this tells you everything you need in order to conclude.  You have to wonder how the relevant directors, producers, actors or anyone else involved in the making of the film stand around when looking back on their work.  Do these folk high-five each other, in total ignorance, comprehensive that the record attendee figures will consequently collate due to the bullet proof status the film attains when encountered by shooting journalism snipers?  Let it be said, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is truly and shockingly awful.

The real life truisms in the film

I went to see the movie for amusement, entertainment, but most of all, as an intrigued viewer of sexual and emotional dynamics in relation to the topics I write about.  I also held strong desires to see, with no bias or agenda attached, how it stacked up against this post written a few weeks ago.  In terms of the reality versus fallacy face off that any film will encounter, I will give it a decent rating on the following basis:
  • A woman (Ana) is far more fascinated by the aura, achievements, success and status of the man (Christian Grey) than his physical attractiveness.
  • A man showing a strong level of apathy towards a woman in primary interaction only further increases her projected attraction onto him.
  • When a man holds far more sexual market value than a woman, he needs to illustrate a degree of interest in the woman he wants to bang.  This was seen in Ana’s interview, where Grey started to ask questions about her.
  • Intrigue, mystique and a refrained urge to reveal too much about himself will only have positive results on a woman’s sexual predilections.  Men who show their cards too soon, too excessively and too blatantly are the men who dry female underwear without the need of a tumble dryer.
  • Women are far happier and invested when they chase the man, but their egos and prides (especially with women younger than 35) usually stand in the way of carrying this out.  With this in mind, and despite all his blessings, Grey still needed to incorporate the pre sex stage proactivity.
  • Women love a dominant man who is a leader in as many directives as possible.
  • Women love a man who is selfish and puts himself first.
  • Women love a man who knows what he wants, who is only prepared to compromise to a point, and who acknowledges, without actually saying the words, that she is fortunate to be with him.  A man doesn’t need to be good looking and a billionaire to carry this simple task out.
  • Nice guys – like Ana’s college friend – who smile too broadly, act too happily, and produce suck up ways towards a woman’s existence, stand no chance when the target woman has options and is at a younger age.  Ana is cute but no oil painting, yet her 7/10 looks rating, combined with her early 20s freshness, will always produce plenty of options in the dating field.  It isn’t until this equivalent woman gets older and less eye catching that she will settle for low in demand nice guys like who supplicate and make her feel special to the world.
  • Grey, especially in the early stages of their interaction, but beyond this too, barely ever smiles in the presence of Ana.  Her subconscious smiles and giggles outweigh his isolated exhilaration by 10:1 in number.  In general terms, this is exactly how a man should facially express – slight moodiness, apathetic consideration, but with occasional smirks.  He hardly ever smiles with his teeth showing.  Again, only when she tries to get closer – hence proof of her investment in him – does he repay with a more gleeful look.
  • A man will be far more prudent in showing very little emotional investment in a woman until they are in a sexual relationship.  It is far easier to keep a woman interested by maintaining her pursued attempts to find a way into his heart, rather than to know she has him in the palm of her hands from day one.  If men who spend too much time, effort, money and emotion on a woman can relate to never actually sleeping with her, or only receiving a bare minimum that is not in tandem with the exertion,  go and watch the film for this reason alone.
  • Men who remain in women’s minds and hearts are men who are selfish towards their own sexual requirements.  Women’s egos like men who make love, but women’s vaginal beats like a man who prioritizes his own needs and relinquishments with sex on his terms.
  • A fertile man’s ideal woman closely aligns with the contract that Grey assigns to Ana.  That is, he primarily wants her as a sex object and only holds desires to spend companion time to a minimum.  Even the literal side by side sleeping together he states as a non-abiding clause is a hassle, because you always sleep better on your own.  Nearly any man would sign up to this if he acquired such luxury.  Most men don’t, so they take the full package of the woman in hope the sex remains.
  • Men with low options become clingy and possessive.  Despite Grey’s fairytale life of the man who has it all, his unconventional sexual needs allow his mind to believe Ana is the only woman in the world who will abide by the rules.  This “oneitis” mentality relinquishes much of his power in the relationship, and it gets to the point where he is pursuing her and she has him more on a stick.  Any man harbouring ambitions to be successful with women should view them as interchangeable.
All the above points may lead you to believe the film does hold down a level of credibility.  I guess, from a red pill, emotional/relationship psychology and interaction strategy (game) standpoint, it does give men rowing against the tide with respect to luck with women a few tips to the real world (hence not what women tell you) outcomes. 

The audience

I predicted that most women would not go to see Fifty Shades with their male partners.  It turns out I was a touch conservative on this hunch of mine. 

The first thing that surprised me was, of an approximate 400 seated capacity, it was barely half full.  This was despite it being at prime evening time on the first UK public showing date.  When I looked around, I only saw one other man in the vicinity.  I’m sure there were others, but the bulk crowd was made up of women in their late 30s and 40s.  There were a couple of decent looking younger women who accompanied their mothers, but by and large it was clear to see that this particular audience consisted of the typical female purchaser who fascinated over the book version.

These women, whether they admit it or not, appeared a little awkward from what I could sense in the vibe.  Sure, in the early stages they carried out the usual troll scoring “look at his hot bod” comments followed by a few “get in on” kind of chants during the first sex scene, yet it was undeniable and unavoidable to see how the mood sedated as the film developed.   

Part of me thinks their somber mood was down to the fact that Dakota Johnson has a trim and toned body.  The amount of times she got naked almost bored me, so goodness knows how the average overweight woman would feel looking on.  I tend to think, that as a reader of a hard-back copy, a woman can allow her mind to flow with the fairies and visualize she is the woman being taken to another planet by the endearing high status alpha male.  A film changes this fascination, because the perennial British hefty whale, trying to act out the lead role in her own mind, will see a female body that is a dietary wholesale modification from her own. 

The other critical part to the film is that women actually saw Grey’s sexual experimentations rather than imaging it.  Again, they will have ascertained an idea from the book with regards to the relative equipment he uses, but I sensed a transition from arousal to shame as the film moved from the first minute to the last.  It was almost cringe worthy during the last sex scene when he spanked her across the arse as hard as possible for six times.  There is a fine line between optimized arousal and a woman coming across as cheap, and this particular part of the film most certainly crossed over to the latter.  As I’ve documented in this blog before, most modern day women will take care of their egos ahead of their hearts and sexual thoughts.  If a woman sees this, I would place big money on her on taking a distaste to the reality.

The outcome?  

So after seeing the two hour long debacle, I come away from it with conclusions of tackiness, truisms and one scripted bundle of dog poo.  The lead cast, whilst not offering breathtaking performances, carried out their roles as best fitted the directives.  Even from a man’s perspective, and no man will ever know everything in the bedroom, I remember thinking how I couldn’t be bothered with all the props and preparation Grey put into his pre penetration satisfaction.  At the end of the day, any ejaculation with the same woman will pretty much always feel the same, so if you ask me, why go to all that time wasting effort?

But more pertinent to me is the outcome of how women will move on from this film.  Prior to watching, I thought it would make a large share of them ask questions to whether they should have selected more edgy guys like Grey when they were in their prime beauty years, as opposed to the safe choice made with the current husband, fiancé or boyfriend.  Having now seen the film, I think it crossed over that little bit too far.  It will conceivably leave them thinking they are worth more than being a piece of meat.  My better judgment tells me that many will now avoid the sequel.  Although they may only feel contentment or indifference with their current partners, they may just live in some air of reassurance that the flight will always be of steady air traffic.

Tuesday 10 February 2015

Men’s high status cannot disguise low self-esteem

“You can fool a million fools, but there is always one you won’t fool.”

A reader asks for an opinion on the following based on this past post:

''If he shows jealous or supplicated traits, especially if this involves derogatory comments towards her closest ones, she will only see this in a negative light''
This reminds me of the song Jealous.

What are your thoughts on Nick Jonas? He has fame, money, his girlfriend (the girl in the above video) is former Miss Universe.
Heres another of him performing, notice she turned her head, what do you think were her thoughts at that moment?
Can he get away with supplication and jealousy because of his value?
Here is an interview, notice he doesn't make much eye contact with the girls and he looks down a lot, you might think he would be relaxed in the presence of women who are less attractive than his, he even says he is not a good dancer, my guess hes not good in bed either. I think he has a lot inhibition and insecurity.
I think Nick Jonas is a special case because on paper he has everything a guy could possibly want, but at the same time its almost like deep down he thinks he dont deserve her.

My response:

I vaguely remember the Jonas 3-piece brother group from a few years ago, but that's about all.  I can only go by what my gut instincts and experience of human behaviour tell me from the links you posted.

My peripheral vision tells me Jonas looks nervous and perhaps a touch intimidated and overwhelmed when higher profile stars are in the same environment.  This is only a problem in attracting women of similar level status (hence female singers, actresses, etc).  They will pick up on his lack of confidence and be repelled from him and, as a consequence of his apparent weakness, onto more edgy men.  But as for the other 99.999% of regular women, male high status can cloud his supplication and jealousy because it is the main draw in attracting the female hunger for vicinity/relationships. 

Note to above:
Beyond initial attraction, high status will not necessarily act as the main pulling point in locking down women, and it is by no means the greatest sexual arousal cue.

As for his girlfriend (former Miss Universe), I find this slightly surprising.  If she was just a very hot woman off the street who looked like her, then the maths would work out.  There are a 100 hot women like her in Hollywood for every famous guy like Nick Jonas, so naturally he would be a good catch from her perspective.  But her profile surely gives access to higher status men than him - who are not so timid - therefore I find this a little conspicuous.  Just a thought, but is it a case of links between their agents/management companies, forming a celebrity set-up relationship that will sell a few columns and raise profiles before the inevitable end?

The head turn she makes when he approaches her shows me the emblem of a woman who is far more in it for herself than the man she is “in love with”.  It is a common scene all so familiar and clear to see.  Her reaction is so unnatural.  How can one second a genuine acting woman turn her head, only to be followed by the fake “my heart is beating” gesture?  This move was contrived every bit as much the relationship.

As for the interview, well I'm not too concerned about the lack of eye contact he makes.  For one, they are positioned awkwardly either side of him, so moving his neck around with effort isn't worth the hassle.  Second, if he was acting with cockiness, attitude and couldn't give a crap demeanour, a shortage of eye contact will actually endear him to many women.  Whilst more than decent looking, it’s not like he is blessed with film star looks, so he doesn’t need to act with more attainability and vulnerability traits in the celebrity circles at least. 

I’d like to see him give more flirty answers and sexual innuendos when asked certain questions by the, as you allude to, nothing more than above average looking women.  There was more than one opportunity to do this, and women love this kind of male character who doesn’t care what women think to his thoughts, when used selectively.  He could have teased them and given indirect answers that leave the two women, and more importantly the mass female population, guessing what is behind the mask of mystique. 

But his answers correlate with his awkward face and body language.  Jonas doesn’t appear to be comfortable in the limelight, and it seems to me he is emblematic of the guy at work who has taken a promotion with reluctant and obligated emotions.  I guess some former boy band members like Justin Timberlake are simply born to go it alone with effortless comfort, ease and expertise.  Others are perhaps more genetically made up from the safety in numbers mentality.      

To re-iterate, what would concern me more is his anxious look.  Sure, some girls may be saying it is so sweet to see him act in vulnerable ways, but these will only be the less attractive women or females leading with their egos.

And the female ego leads appropriately onto the last point.  Like movies and romantic novels, you will see a very high percentage of songs that are themed towards building up the mass viewer’s (hence women) self-centred thoughts.  A song that illustrates jealousy shows how much he must love her and how important she is to the world.  A simultaneous head swell and dry knickers for a woman is a recipe for disaster with regards to a sex seeking man.  Puke!

Coincidentally, along with male artists writing about how lucky he is to have her, how she is above his league, how he longs to be with her, and portraying her as the only girl in the world – all words that make a woman feel better about life but conceal what women truthfully desire – the next most popular theme is for female artists to write about men cheating on them and acting badly.  Lay down the sob story and handkerchief, quickly after the tears from “I knew nothing about his reputation” or “I hate men like this” justifications. 

Women may not like the feeling of pragmatically being cheated on, but they sure love the thought of a man carrying out infidelity.  Because a man who can cheat, or even does cheat, is a man who has full proof of another woman’s love and desire.  So when women who take back cheating men complain about these guys, they only have themselves to blame.  Simply put, if less women forgave these adulterating men – men who are far lower in number than women attempt to proclaim – fewer men would cheat.

So here you have it - men writing mainly about idolizing women, and women writing about being broken-hearted by the wanted (in real life - rare wanted) men.  In reality, >80% of men are the beta males who put women first in any way, shape or form.  Women, who venture into these bonds and marry these unwanted but safe men, initiate 3 out of 4 relationship departures.  Often they will leave their giving and providing men for the kinds of jerks who were slagged off in female artist records.  Do you see the disconnect between what the mass population believe is politically correct, against what the actual outcome is?


Saturday 7 February 2015

Female fake body language

“Trust the one who proves with actions.  Query the one who justifies in words.”

An inquisitive reader asks for my take on female body language:

hey could you write about female body language and tell if they really fake it sometimes ? Can their conscious tendency to average looking men lead to "fake" body language ?

My response:

Two questions are presented here with differing levels of transparency.

Can a man tell if a woman is faking her actions in her body language?

The easy answer is yes, but such a small minority of men are alert to these signals.  The reason so few men are clued up in this way is because the vast proportion of male society conduct a lapdog mentality in terms of idolizing women and living in trepidation of saying or doing even the slightest wrong move that disrupts the female all so important universe.  These men, as a by-product of this fear, essentially and wrongly believe women are attracted to their all so nice, passive and suck up ways.  The truth is that women settle for these men.

I always find one of the most effective approaches with women you don’t know is to expect a level of fake mannerisms, and allow them to prove you wrong (or right).  Too many men take the inverse lead – that women’s words and actions are forever genuine. 

Ultimately, 95% of women will be far more self-conscious, far more insecure, in far greater need of social validation, and living in far leveraged need to think their life is or greater importance than their peers, than 95% of men.  The 5% cross-overs (and I’m being generous on this 5%) do not make up for the general course of normality.  Yes, some women stray further to the right of these intensities than others, but this percentage overlap should be your starting point.

With this in mind, it is an almost common default for women to fake their true feelings, thoughts, opinions and body language to cover up any obvious weaknesses.  Add on their magnified egos, taking their lives too seriously and a protection to avoid rejection, disappointment and failures, and here you have a person who is constantly never allowing herself to just act in a genuine, honest and care-free demeanour.

Some snap shots of conspicuous female body language signals:
  •  Lack of eye contact with men (men they don’t know personally) she finds sexually attractive when approached.
  • A weak attempt to aim humorous comments (99% of women are not funny) or belittle a man with calibre, sometimes with gestures, but often with words when she is walking past to block out responses that would prick her bubble.
  • Blatantly eyeing up a man she finds sexually attractive, but once in closer proximity, total denial of his existence or of her interest.
  • Once approached by the man she finds sexually attractive, a common habit is to limit eye contact and conversation, thus vainly attempting to convince her mind she doesn’t like him in reality.
  • Head down when walking past people who are not familiar with her.
  • Over friendly with men she is not attracted to, in order to convince others she is popular and that men (unwanted men) can’t resist her existence.
  • No eye contact or acknowledgement when striding past people in opposite direction.
  • The quick, sharp and fake smile when greeting someone, before quickly returning back to the miserable default.
  • Acting all happy that their peers look good, have met a great guy, or accomplished something, only to progressively see that irritable grin return to a more disappointed expression that spells out she is jealous.
  • Pretending she is talking to someone on the phone.
  • Acting far more natural (eye contact, genuine conversation) with men she is not attracted to – hence she has nothing to prove to them.
  • On a night out, one moment dancing around, hugging “friends” and pretending life is so much fun, quickly followed by a stern faced, over serious look when walking to the bathroom.  The two extremes don’t align to normality.
  • An over excited reaction when seeing someone she knows on a night out.  Reason: social proof requirement and safety in numbers insecurity.
  • Walking into social environments (mainly bars and the gym) texting someone.

The last one is my favourite.  Allowing for sleep, there are near on 16 hours in the day when someone could be texting her or she is texting back.  Isn’t it a coincidence it all so happens to be in that moment?  As much as this hurts a woman’s self-opinion, no woman in the world outside of extreme fame can feasibly be that busy or popular.  Yet again, a tell-tale sign of low confidence and high inhibition. 

Can their conscious tendency to average looking men lead to "fake" body language?

Some of the points above are covered in this question.  As readers of Women's choices: men's divorces are fully aware, most women prefer to be with men less physically attractive than they are.  By no sheer chance, most of these men will be along the mediocre scale.  Cute women will be with average looking men, hot women will seek out above average looking men.

In consideration to the common trend that is seen, and in view of that 99 out of 100 men who women interact with are not exactly making their panties moist, women have no trouble in the main to acting relaxed with nearly all men.  Then put someone who is the opposite – a good looking man with height and admirable body profile - in her vicinity.  This is when the fake body language comes into play:

Plausible deniability is the key habit in these rare situations for women.  Deep down in their hearts and vaginal impulses, they know a sexual attraction is there.  But women’s egos do not like the aspects they feel towards men who are admired and desired by other women:
  • First, they do not like men who are unattainable.  The thought of a man – at least a man who is not famous - being above their league in physical allure gender relativity is not a fond one.
  • Second, even if they know they could attract this man – mainly high end cute and hot women – they don’t sit easy in the knowledge they couldn’t, or don’t have the inner confidence, to lock him down.
  • Third, irrespective to knowledge of his past or not, they will resign to the assumption that his interest will only last for so long before he ventures onto something fresher.

So next time you are dealing with a woman who is more than a passing acquaintance or colleague, you may be well advised to lead with your eyes that bit more than your ears.  There are some women out there with true integrity, and there is a very small segment who you can believe what they say 90% of the time.  But when you have been intimately involved with many women over a decade or so, you will have experienced more than enough female habits to draw trends to how the next one is likely to be.  This likelihood will come in some form of fake delivery.  

Wednesday 4 February 2015

Another tough luck story

“Those who learn too late can pass on the news to those who can learn before it explodes.”

Reader Kells posted a comment a while ago based on the reading of this previous post, to which I responded.  Despite it being some months ago, I’m not quite sure why it came back to my Sunday afternoon thoughts the other day.  Maybe it is because you don’t go long without hearing an all so common story of similar theme.  Kells seemed like a good chap, so I’m sure he won’t mind me taking liberty in publishing as a dedicated post.

Hi Vi Nay
I read some of your posts on Krauser's blog and followed a link to your own site. I have found your posts very interesting and have been trawling through your archive for the past couple of weeks. This particular post brings to mind my own situation somewhat. I wonder if you could help me with a personal question I have? If so, great, if not, I understand you have better things to be doing.
I'm 43 and recently split up with my girlfriend after a 17-year LTR and 3 kids. I would surmise most of the relationship as, ultimately, just paddling water. 
We first met when I was 22, she 21, and re-started going out when I moved to her hometown a few years later. She then got a job abroad and I followed her. After 2 years, she fell pregnant with our first kid. We had been having unprotected sex but this was an 'accident' (at least, I thought it was) and we agonised about an abortion before deciding to keep the child. In hindsight, she led this discussion and I was happy to agree with her decision. She was 29 when our eldest child was born, by which time we had been living together 3 years.
Sex dried up while she was pregnant and continued at a rate of once every two months (or less) on average for the rest of our entire relationship. Since she got pregnant for the first time, she was totally passive during sex and always put roadblocks in the way or made me hurry up. I'm a nice guy who rarely loses my temper and did what I could to share the burden of running a home and family. Regardless, whatever I did was never enough, in her opinion. Based on all my manosphere reading over the last year and a half or so, I obviously never controlled the frame of the relationship, and I was frequently passive as I thought letting her have her own way would make life easier.
With the birth of our eldest, she opened the door to her family, whom she is very close to and whom I initially got on very well with. But it was as if they had been waiting for kids to arrive. This destroyed my relationship with them as they knew that I wasn't happy with their too frequent, overlong visits, where they took over the house and did as they pleased, which I had made clear to my ex- were unacceptable. Later, they stopped visiting so much because of me, something my ex- resented me greatly for.
We had a 2nd son in 2006, my wish, and then a daughter 3 years ago (she got pregnant first time at 39 – I am considering having a dna test performed on my daughter), which I agreed to have because my ex- wanted a last child before her ovaries dried up and I wanted her to be happy. I agreed to this because I always felt that things would get better, and that our family would stay together.
As time went by, it became more and more obvious that she had no respect for me. Over the years, she appreciated nothing I did, said every now and then that she couldn't imagine us getting old together, etc. We slept apart at her instigation as I made too much noise in my sleep. At the start of 2013, she asked for both of us to make a go of things and we began to (briefly) have sex more often and it was exciting for a change (although visibly enjoying herself, she later denied she had liked this sex). Unfortunately she got pneumonia shortly afterwards and was in bed for a couple of weeks with me, uncomplainingly, doing everything to keep the house running, kids happy, and minding my own job. She asked for her mother to come, who is obese and in bad health herself. I was still doing most things but was told by my ex- that her mother had saved us all from going under and we had a blazing row, which was the beginning of the end.
Sex disappeared, we went for counselling where she came off worst in discussions we had with a counsellor so she found another one and went by herself. By this time, I had read that counselling is only good for giving women justification for their own actions so I could see the writing on the wall. Finally, late last year, she said she'd "had enough" and we agreed to split, well, I gave her what she wanted because I was sick of her and our shitty relationship. We had sex, as it turned out, one last time, which she surprisingly enjoyed. In the afterglow, I asked her some questions where she mentioned rough sex she’d enjoyed with a former lover and agreed that, initially, our sex life was good too but quickly died, as I mentioned (although she didn’t remember it dying as quickly). 
Btw, I was basically a virgin when we met whereas she had had 6 or 7 lovers. She was pretty, but over the last couple of years has mentioned herself how haggard she is becoming. I have discovered that she is emotionally besotted with a former work colleague who is older, has 5 kids, and lives with his wife in another part of the country we live in. I am chubby, but would rate myself as above-average in looks and attract plenty of IOIs from the young, attractive women I work with. Part of this is to do with my strong sense of humour where I tease/neg women and which they love. I have also found a lover since my break-up who told me that I was very charming and that I seduced her. I guess I am learning to be less of a chode.
Wages-wise, I usually earned a bit more than my ex- although she was always short of money and frequently asked/checked if I was contributing my fair share to our common accounts. We were both university educated although she had a doctorate in her chosen subject, something I never had an issue with as I always considered myself better informed, more intelligent and more socially confident.
During the breakup, until I found a place of my own to live, I had to endure 4 or so months of following a break-up template she obviously had been planning for ages, her losing her temper with me constantly, threatening to take the kids off me and with getting me legally evicted from my own home, bringing lawyers into negotiations. As usual, I kept my cool, knowing that arguing with her would be useless (she always won our arguments, then again almost always started them and then would wish aloud that we wouldn’t argue) and not wanting to affect the kids any more than already was the case.
I finally moved into my new flat at the beginning of March. I can feel that the end of a 17-year LTR is quite heavy, emotionally, but it’s also a great relief and I see my kids every other week for 6 days, something I had to fight for but which I am happy with. 
I hope I’m not being too longwinded nor coming off as an asshole – I’m just trying to be even-handed in my assessment of things and rational discussion with my ex- was an impossibility. 
Essentially, I have two questions:
• Who is to blame for the relationship failing? Is it me for being a naive fool/average nice guy who knew nothing about steering a relationship, or her for being a devious, manipulative shrew who got what she wanted but couldn’t be pleased? 
• Are LTRs possible without having to 100% game all the time? I look around and see couples who are bored with each other but stay together for their childrens’ sake. This is noble, to my mind – after all, it’s what I wanted – but don’t the vast majority of people grow apart and end their days with the woman in control and little or no sex in the relationship? I have more tools now and am aware of having to steer a woman but find this situation that most relationships seem to end in profoundly depressing and am wondering if I can be bothered trying to have an LTR again.
Thanks for your time, Kells 

My response:


Although you cover a lifetime relationship in its entirety, this kind of story has been seen in front of my eyes many times before. There are various aspects of advice I could give you, but the bottom line of it is you are where you are right now. Besides, I’m a great believer in being excited about the future and learning from the past. You seem, despite your obvious mistakes, to be in a good place mentally.

I’ll take both questions in turn:
  • Who is to blame for the relationship failing? Is it me for being a naive fool/average nice guy who knew nothing about steering a relationship, or her for being a devious, manipulative shrew who got what she wanted but couldn’t be pleased? 
Ultimately, you are both to blame. Although you may not want to hear this, she will have contrived the first pregnancy. A high percentage of women in their mid 20s start to see friendship networks dwindle, they see their friends settling down, and they feel the need to project self-value and self-importance onto the watching world due to fragmenting attention aligned to their declining beauty. As a decent catch, she would have put you down as a good provider for her life plan. When it happens, and if you cannot trust a woman, you needed to be on guard from that day on. I would have given her a chance to prove to you she could develop into a better person and a good mother, but as soon as it was clear she couldn’t change then you should have moved on. The kid would have been no better off in an unhappy household. Even if the purest claim is that an unhappy two-parent family benefits the upbringing of children’s welfare, the bitter memories formed from separate bedrooms, arguments, abusive behaviour, lies, hatred, brainwashing, adultery, emotional despair and inevitable parting of ways will manifest to haunt the child throughout adult life. I can tell you this from first-hand experience.

She was never going to change, because once the novelty of showing the baby to the world wears off, she would start to resent you for holding her back in life. She would further resent you because once a mother, her options with other men (for LTRs at least) would be far more limited in comparison to pre motherhood. This would explain why the two of you went on to birth two more children. As an unmarried father, your options in the sexual market as a single guy would not have resulted in considerable negative results, and conceivably this parentage status could have assisted you. 

  • Are LTRs possible without having to 100% game all the time? I look around and see couples who are bored with each other but stay together for their children’s sake. This is noble, to my mind – after all, it’s what I wanted – but don’t the vast majority of people grow apart and end their days with the woman in control and little or no sex in the relationship?
It all depends on the level of game a person requires. The rule of thumb is: “the hotter the girl, the bigger the game”, but this isn’t absolute. I know of a few cute “homely girls” who appear to be happy with a loving and giving male partner. But a man has no choice but to go with the normal sequence of events, and yes, game (aka psychological common sense strategy) will be necessitated with most women. This is all the more pertinent for men who are alongside more physically attractive women. Basically, the mindset a man should have is to start with firm game, and only loosen the grip when she has given reason due to what she has done, and not what she claims to do. Personally, I never fully trust a woman for as long as the relationship lasts.

The sad truth to women being in control is that children, and mainly marriage, offer the female gender this passage in a relationship. A woman positively feeds off a man who puts his foot down, acts selfishly (to a point), shows a lack of primary consideration to her in life, and is not living in trepidation of emotional or financial consequences if the two of them go their separate ways. Women love men who they are never in full control of. Once kids and marriage are in place, a man relinquishes much of that luxury due to the knowledge he has far more to lose if it doesn’t work out. Women know this, their egos take over from the thoughts of what they most desire in men, and they increase all the provocation, manipulation and lies that are in their innate characters anyway. Simply put, the modern world in western society offers women a route to not be worse off (they are usually better off) than before she met him, and for men to be worse off if they split up. If there is a financial imbalance when they meet, and marriage is an empathetic motivation, any man with two brain cells to his armoury should have a pre-nuptial in place. The lack of sex as you mention is also a by-product of all as explained.

If any of this sounds harsh then I make no apology. It’s all about moving forwards with optimism from here on in, and you seem like a person who is prepared to take the proverbial high road. That’s the beauty of life – rarely is it too late to make amends and put the wrongs right.

What can we take out of all this, in general terms?
  • Man more interested in the woman at a younger age (hence when she is at her most desirable) than her comparative genuine feelings for him.
  • Woman manipulating a situation – hence pregnancies – to suit her life plan.
  • Once a woman has nested her eggs, in this case securing a ring on the finger, a wedding day and kids to show off, her appreciation of the man who supplied it all will fragment.  This fragmentation may be progressive, but just as likely sudden.
  • A man needs to stand up to his respective female partner, no matter how idolized he is with her, from day one.  This isn’t to say he should be all argumentative from the first date (as a woman may construe this as him being highly strung, argumentative or a “know-it-all”), but he should make it is firm intention early on that she is merely a part of his life, and not the priority.
  • A man should ensure his woman does not get her own way any more than he does likewise.  He should also give her the luxury of his giving ways when there is little to negatively impact on him.  In other words, if she wants a wall in the house painted pale blue, and it is no skin off his nose either way, then let her be.  But on the other hand, if she desires a holiday destination not of his choice or liking, the minimum should be a compromise.
  • Marriage, and to a lesser extent fatherhood, takes a high proportion of power away from a man within the relationship in comparison to prior these events.  The reasons were explained in my response.
  • Marriage will not make a woman love her man any more than before, and the inverse applies too.  A marriage certificate is nothing more than an emblematic status, and it has no connection to inner emotional feelings.  Women will allow men to believe marriage reinforces or elevates the strength of love, but if this is the case, it begs the question to whether the love is strong enough in the first place.
  • A failed marriage will be, in majority cases, more detrimental to a man’s current situation due to the economic legal bias towards the female side.
  • As most women instigate divorces, men are usually the more susceptible to emotional and psychological strain.  Women will allow you to believe they are the victims due to the jerks who cheat on them, but these examples are minority cases and not representative of the common happenings.
  • A failed marriage or relationship with children involved is more damaging to woman’s pursuit of future male takers (decent calibre men) than it is to men’s equivalent future success with other women.  Simply put, other women are not put off by a man being a father even close to the way men are deterred from a woman has a child seat in the back of her car.

It’s rarely too late for a man to make amends, even when he has hit rock bottom.  A failed marriage with kids produced will not deter many women, and in fact it will attract more women if all else is equal.  Women do not have this luxury, whether they admit to the reality or not.  In the same position, they face having to downgrade on their future male mate choices.  If in fact they do seek a higher calibre man, the big money is that the ex was a complete loser in the first place.