“A
bad man seen through favourable eyes can perform a thousand acts of wrong
doing, but in turn he will never be punished for his misdemeanours. A good man who lives outside of this glass
house can implement a thousand corrective moves, but his first wrong maneuver
has no leeway for reasoning or context, and it ends in the jettison of what was
perceived as true love.”
We’ve all heard the phrase - “treat them mean
to keep them keen.” It’s not a phrase I
hear as much now compared to my early days of dating. Maybe it has been replaced with one of
similar meaning, or perhaps some women have denied it so much that it has
forced men to transform in never saying it, but in the world of sexual
attraction it is no less true than when I first heard it all those many years
ago. If anything, this phrase has never been more accurate.
Most men out there, despite the protestations
of women seeking out sympathy votes for their luckless choices in the male
species, are nice guys who have beta traits in their innate personality. Some people change on a wholesale basis, but
the vast majority will always stay the same way inclined. We never truly know a
person without spending every minute of the day with them, but you only need to
look around the office or in any workplace and it becomes apparent that the
majority of men are good natured, with integrity and loyalty installed into
them. It’s only a minority who choose to
cheat on their wives or girlfriends, or generally treat them with a lack of
respect. A woman’s nature is to bad
mouth this kind of man but in actual fact to be attracted to him. This change up of emotions from saying to
acting is a catalyst erupted from her lack of attraction to a high number of
nice guys who are just too unchallenging.
Easily put, the minority of men who do not actually treat women the
appropriate way are far more appealing than the majority of men who carry out
the appropriate actions – the appropriate actions in theory, at least.
So if most men are genuinely nice people, yet
the phrase has always been referred to for generations, why does this not marry
up and why do more men not act this way in order to be more successful with the
opposite sex? Well, most men
understandably believe that this is only a statement used by a few despicable
men that cannot be bothered to endeavour and invest in women in the accepted
way. They also persist in believing only
females with low self-esteem search out these men. For every woman who is crying in the corner
in wondering why she has such bad luck with men and that this is a coincidence,
there are at least half a dozen nice guys with beta habits listening to her
with naïve and sympathetic ears. They have been sucked into being convinced she
does desire a man to treat her well all the time, that this is sheer misfortune
on her part, and that she doesn’t deliberately search out the bad boys of the
world. Who can blame a young, honest, good intentional, sexually aroused and
gullible man for being convinced of her innocence? His lack of experience and naivety
collaborate in enforcing him to be this way, and to consequently live in hope
that one day he will be the prince to rescue this broken hearted princess.
A man in any walk of life cannot put a price
on experience and variety. In his
interactions and relationships with women, only past experiences allow him to
evaluate the bigger picture in drawing on the reasons as to why this phrase is
often true. Most importantly he must do
something about it instead of wasting valuable time in thinking it will
suddenly change. As much as women say
they need a nice guy to treat them right all the time, and a small selection
do, there are more that need the fire to keep burning and for drama to be
created in order to prove there is a purpose in their lives. Never forget to watch her actions before
listening to the words she speaks out. So often the two will be a million miles
apart.
Does all this mean a man should intentionally
act like a total jerk with a woman from the first day until the last in order
to keep her? The easy answer is: no,
this is absolutely not the case. I’ve
always been an advocate in the belief that an unapologetic bad boy has a
limited shelf life in success with women.
It’s just that in the early days of her single status she is drawn
towards these men ahead of a man who puts everything on a plate for her.
The following four processes show the
differing emotions a woman will go through in accordance with how a man
conducts himself:
Nice to Nice
This process is when a woman is aware of a
man being a nice guy from the start, and he continues through the relationship
in the exact same way in placing her on a pedestal, idolizing her, and
basically being unchallenging.
A woman will usually take on a guy like this
when she has made a conscious decision that she deserves a period in her life
when she is in control of the relationship, therefore she will be pampered and
treated and she feels emotionally secure.
They are often younger women after a series of dating bad boys. However, many are grown adults too. The short term is fine in this dynamic
because he is everything she expected.
Nevertheless, in the nature of a woman’s mind, and unless settling down,
marriage and having children are her absolute number one priority, the great
things he does for her over time become the expected rather than the excitement
and the unpredictable.
Success rate: 2/10
As previously stated, the man’s only chance
in this scenario is to hope she does genuinely and honestly view him as the
type of male she needs for a future.
Even with this view, a bond with a lack of chemistry and challenge will
always have vulnerabilities, and if she is better looking than him it will not
be long before she seeks out pastures new.
Even if logic would suggest this deliverable would reap the most success
and happiness for both parties, the reality is this process is the worst of all
for a man to bring to the table. It
epitomizes the maximum effort for minimum
reward syndrome – something every man should ensure to avoid with women.
Bad to Bad
A situation where a woman seeks out a man who is edgy,
mysterious, popular, and with a womanizing reputation, is typical in young,
attention-seeking and insecure females.
Again, this isn’t only isolated to this criteria, but women do tend to
gradually move away from this hunting strategy as they get older, even if the
urge never actually leaves them. Simply
put, they rationalize in their choices of a future partner as they get older,
because it is much harder to a more valuable commodity to settle down.
When a man commences in moonlighting within
his “bad ways” and consequently carries on in this manner, he is basically
investing little to gain a lot. It is a
no strings attached attitude on his part even if she believes she can be the
coveted girlfriend. This is what
attracts her towards him. It’s a perfect
scenario for men who are in a phase of their life when they only want to
increase their sexual belt notches and are confident they will not become
emotionally involved. You would think a
reputation like this would deter women, but in the beauty of the illogical
attraction world this couldn’t be further from the truth. The more a man acts in this way, the more
honeys are attracted to the bee.
Success rate: 10/10 short term, 4/10 longer
term.
For the short term, hence a summer holiday
season, this strategy is nothing short of magical. What guy wouldn’t desire numbers of
attractive women magnetized towards him with very little time, effort or money
required on his part? However, this
isn’t really a longer term solution.
Eventually he will meet someone who grabs his heart and someone who will
not stand for his extreme bad boy antics, and if these accustomed traits have
been his only weapon in life, he will struggle to adapt. Older women with children will also be
resistant to this kind of process, as despite obvious compulsions, the risk
will outweigh the reward.
Bad to Nice
Unusual, but far from uncommon, this
predicament involves a women’s initial attraction towards a man being through
her perception of his ‘bad boy’ ways, but it then takes a twist she never saw
coming.
It is
rare for woman to never have a time in her life when she hasn’t been attracted
to the popular bad boy of the town. Sure, she has seen other attractive girls
come and go but there is still something unanswerable in her mind that draws
her towards his arms. She tries to
resist her visceral feelings but the chemistry is too strong. She likes him for his natural confidence,
charisma and challenge of being an alpha male that captures her heart.
Something strange then occurs in this time
frame. She is the first woman who has
grabbed him by the gut, on physical, mental and emotional fronts, and his heart
races like it has never done before. Remember
her attraction towards him was a combination of his edginess, his challenge to
her, his carefree and independent attitude, and her desire to be the chosen one
over those who failed before her. The
theory is that women do not want a nice guy, but in fact a bad boy to become
nicer - so this surely is a recipe for success right. Well, if he becomes a little nicer and
adjusts in increments, then this is absolutely the case. However, many guys in
this bubble get carried away in the feelings, and they act beta in always
needing to see her, relinquish too much emotional power, and they succeed in
only becoming supplicated. He performs a
180 degree turn in a matter of weeks, and she jettisons from the relationship.
Success rate: 9/10 to 6/10.
A man’s success rate is down to how he
modifies his changing emotions. If he
remains in alpha dominated fashion, but throws in the occasional beta move,
then success is his. If he turns into a
beta habited former alpha male then all he achieves in doing is to join the
pack of unoriginal men that these women dismiss. Consequently, she moves on and forgets the
bad boy who she was once infatuated with.
Nice to Bad
It is a wide belief a woman’s ideal man is a bad boy who
can become nicer once in her possession.
However, very few women intentionally go out of their way to capture a
notorious bad boy. They subsequently do
this because of their conscious knowledge of the lack of infatuation and
chemistry with all those beta males chasing after her. So she chases someone
who doesn’t chase her, as this is the way the world of sexual attraction works.
Nevertheless, there will always be a time
when a woman consciously makes a decision to date a nice guy, as she will
believe it will work despite the shortage of instinctive attraction she has
towards him. The main reason it does not work is because this beta male
continues in the same way she found him - acting beta orientated. He becomes even less of a challenge, she
starts to be irritated by his over loving yet desperate and possessive ways,
and whilst he is looking for engagement rings, in the same moment she is
writing a goodbye text.
Now, what happens if this perceived nice guy
is in fact not so unchallenging, agreeable and as much of a ‘lap dog’ as she
first thought? What if he stands up to
her when required, he keeps his own life and interests going, and he doesn’t
make her a total priority to his existence?
In the same breath, he still maintains the fundamental, genuine and
honest characteristics she knew and liked all along. A woman’s mind and emotions need to be analyzed
like someone who works their muscles. They
must always avoid the plateau - they must always keep it guessing to gain
improvements. If a woman knows she is
with a good guy, but equally she is aware she cannot take his time, persona or
good will for granted, she has the best of both worlds. There is the refrained
boredom of a constant nice guy without the draining long term fatigue that the
bad boy gives her. The balance is
finally struck.
Success rate: 9/10.
If a man can find this blend then it is rare
he can fail. Almost every woman wants a
good and genuine guy - it is just that if she perceives him to be an easy ride
she will take him to the cleaners in her expectation brain. If he starts as the great person she believes
he is, but he shows her his strength of inner mind, a long term in this process
is there for all parties.
There was a recent meeting I was involved in
where the director of the company was present.
He mentioned the fact that he always takes preference to a manager who
is a nice guy and mediocre at his job, in favour of an arrogant person who is
efficient in his duties. I took his
point on board, and I see where he is coming from in this context. In the long run, there will be reaped rewards
from a team striving in his direction as they go the extra yard in return of
his accommodating approach. With a
despicable personality, the team is more likely to have their own agendas and not
work as hard to achieve the necessary results.
It was no coincidence that the room was full
of male colleagues in the meeting mentioned.
These men, and men in general, would take on board these words from a
higher status man and form the belief that this is the strategy to proceed with
in order to acquire the most success in all walks of life. The problem with this fallacy is that it
rarely applies with the way women view a man who is too pleasant and
accommodating within the relationship they share. Women need a level of drama, intensity,
unpredictability and edginess from man to avoid falling into the mundane trench
of life. Women may say all they need is
peace and happiness within their relationship, but for every one who has spoken
these words is a female who had withdrawn from the partnership with a man
dressed in a beta uniform.
Nobody feels more sympathy for all these nice
guys out there than I do. All they ever
wanted is to be happy, and even more decisive to them, all they craved for was
for their girlfriends to have a smile on their faces. Maybe there falls the point – a guy set in
this mentality is too busy trying to make her happy before being happy
himself.
Somebody once told me that
people who strive to make others happy over their own intentions, and people
who care too much, only end up being unhappy. This person telling me these
words was my Mother, words spoken on the day I had to have the lymph node
removed to enable the biopsy to confirm the severity of my cancer level. I remember thinking at the time that I had
wasted so much time, energy and expenditure with work colleagues, past
girlfriends and some friends, only to be basically thought of in no more
favourable terms. It is not so much the
case to be a completely selfish, arrogant and inconsiderate person, as much as
prioritizing your own happiness before others.
Happiness is contagious, and most people will be attracted and radiated
to a person with pride and comfort in their own skin. Reaching this happy demeanour is not so
facilitating, and usually someone must accept their historic deficiencies and
weaknesses before they can see the light to a brighter day. Maybe you need to know where you have been,
before you know where you are going.