Tuesday, 20 July 2021

Male physical attractiveness brings about fewer options for relationships with women

 

“Heads I win, tails I only lose a little.”

  

Zachariah gives his life cycle of events with regards to his physical aesthetics on the back of this previous post, and asks for my input on how it can be manifested into some kind of reasoning:

Hi Vinay,

I love your writing. It's helped me more than you could know. 

I’ll ask this here because this article is the most relevant to my question. I know I shouldn’t seek validation from these interactions, but for a time I needed it to rebuild my self-esteem. Analysis does not have to preclude action. 

Anyway, does female attention decrease proportionally past a certain point of attractiveness? Phrased in another way, does female fake body language predominate over direct interest at some point?

 My experience has been this...

- I lost about 40 lbs to get to the average American BMI. Kinda
chubby, but not terrible. This is where I had the most direct
interest from women. Open flirting and whatnot because I
think from a numbers standpoint there are more women in that
range, of course.

- I got quite lean (not six-pack level), but I was lacking
muscle for my height at 6’2”. This is where I’d get deer-in-
the-headlight looks from cute women (like ~7+ range), and the
few conventionally attractive women would act coy with me and
give me approach invitations. Most other women started to
ignore me. This is also the point where I received the most
blushing from girls, giggling, blatant eye-fucking, gaping at
me, etc. 

- Now I’ve moved along the spectrum in leanness and
muscularity. I have a defined six-pack and I’ve added nearly
30 lbs of muscle to my frame.  I know that for sure as I’m
leaner than when I started, and it’s improved my face even
more. Several months ago I noticed women almost never looked
at me directly anymore. They would sneak glances a lot if I
was looking for it, but it was much harder to catch. The vast
majority of the time it feels like deliberate avoidance. I
also noticed something new happened. If a girl looked at my
face and looked surprised, she would rapidly turn her entire
body around to face away from me. It is an unusual body
language cue I started to see constantly. 

I'll give an example of a day from last week. I went to the doctors and there was a young girl there as an assistant. She helped me set up and I did have to take most of my clothes off. But we were just joking around and she was laughing a lot. Literally didn't glance my way once for 30 mins. She'd talk to the wall for the duration of the appointment. I'm not the type to stare and make others uncomfortable either. I have no expectations, but it's just odd to not look even once during conversation. Later that night I went out with a group of friends to several bars. It's like I was invisible there again too, which as I stated before is strange because I used to have women point me out or generally freak out in an obvious way when seeing me. That all happened when I was a bit fatter and I was far less muscular. 

I doubted my facial attractiveness because of my own dysmorphia, but it’s obvious that’s a large contributor to my attractiveness. Especially when I look back as a kid, but childhood trauma has an interesting way of destroying every shred of self-worth you have. I don't want to rely on this superficial attention from strangers, so I'm forcing myself to think outside of that and trust what makes sense. Regardless, I'm curious about your opinion.  


My response:

What you offer as information (and I have read it twice) is nothing that comes as a surprise.  Essentially you have experienced the lineal predictable response from women as you have become more physically attractive.  That is:

The hotter a man becomes = The more awkward the body language in the woman towards you

Your chronological experience was well explained by yourself, but to piggyback on that:

1) When you lost 40lbs and became average BMI, you in unwritten definition became average to a bit above average in terms of male physical attractiveness.  This as a by-product transformed you from being near on invisible to women, to attractive enough but still below most women in relative gender terms.  My guess is this was the time when a lot of below average, plain Janes and mildly cute women took an interest in you.  Fundamentally, you attracted women without placing their noses out of joint in any way.

2) Once you leaned out a bit but not to a ripped level, in conjunction with your ideal 6ft 2" height, you entered the above average level of male physical attractiveness (7/10 to 7.75/10). This would explain why the cute women and occasional hot women started noticing you with bed eyes. That said, I'm surprised in your explanation that it was only passive interest on their part.  I find that most above average looking men are always alongside cute to lower end hot women.  Maybe you weren't proactive enough to capitalize on this luxury?  In any case, women found you attractive but not unattainable or a god like vision.

3) Which nicely brings me onto the final stage.  Once you added 30lbs of muscle (which would also have sharpened your facial features up) to your already ideal height, you had the good luck/bad luck conundrum of reaching your physical attractiveness pinnacle but in turn becoming unattainable and a perception to women as poor/unsuitable partner material.  This fully explains the circumstance of their avoidance by and large.

What do I advise?

You now need to know that women construe you as the out of reach male specimen as alluded to.  On the basis you will not (and nor should you) go back to your less physically defined days, you need to approach women with self-assurance but not too much swagger.  You should show an interest in them.  Don't talk too much about yourself.  Ask her out in the first conversation, but don't waste time on her if she is just a time-wasting tease or attention-seeker.

The facts of the matter are that, even if you miraculously approached ten women who were all single, eight or nine will reject you on the basis of them preferring to be with a lesser looking male partner.  You need to accept this unfortunate actuality of life, and turn it into a back-handed compliment.

Other advice would be to look a bit more facially edgy (if you aren't already).  Maybe grow a full stubble or groomed beard which will, to a point, take away some of the pretty boy stigma.  Also, work on your nonphysical attractiveness offerings within feasibility.

Hope this helps, and all the best.

Vi.

Wednesday, 7 July 2021

Social class compatibility and natural cohabitation/marriage

 

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.” (Mark Twain)

  

I was in the gym the other day (for a change!) when a quite attractive woman aged around twenty-four walked in.  She had long, straight brunette hair, her figure was well in shape, and she was reasonably pretty.  I’d give her an overall 7.75/10.

I’d never seen her in there before, and when she parked her ass on one of the benches, it was clear to see she was at a loss of what to actually do.  Her hair wasn’t even tied back, and she must have spent the first few minutes doing nothing but looking at her phone.  I got the feeling she just didn’t really have any inclination to train whatsoever, and it is likely she rarely goes to the gym other than once in a blue moon.   I guess her relatively young age and kind genetics, at least for now, haven’t forced any necessity on her to treat training seriously.

As a side note, this particular gym establishment was offering a weekend pass for any member’s friend (“Bring a Friend Weekend”).

Before I had seen this woman, a couple of men were training in the far corner of the gym on the Smith machine next to me.  I had seen both of them in there on a few occasions.  Both are your typical muscly gym guys, probably on the juice, with tattoos down their arms.  They both spoke with a chav toned Derby accent.  I’m not saying they don’t have decent jobs, as I know not one way or the other, but I very much doubt they are the most intelligent people out there.  I’d hedge a bet they originate, and probably still live, in one of the less affluent suburbs in Derby.  For the record, both are 7/10 in male physical attractiveness.

Guess who should meet?

Post seeing the girl, I moved to the other side of the gym which was in blind sight to her.  A few minutes later, the two guys moved to about ten yards from me.  A few minutes later further still, like magic the woman referenced went up to them.  I could hear her talk, and her voice tone and language were the female equivalent to both men.  Simply put, she wasn’t going to be applying for the University Challenge program any time soon.

When everything is put together, it turns out she is the girlfriend of one of the men.  I can only assume she was there as his “friend”, and on a free pass whilst he trained with the other guy.

Social class natural coming together for women and men

Women, and men for that matter, derive from all shapes, sizes, and physical looks levels irrespective of their monetary standings or social class upbringing.  Granted, affluence can assist a woman’s physical allure to a degree (think on the basis of Daddy’s or rich Hubby’s money allowing her the best cosmetics, possible surgery/enhancements, less requirement to work long hours etc), but this will only take her so far.  The link between money and male physical attractiveness is pretty much negligible. 

With this in mind, you don’t just find that all ugly people are found in the most deprived areas of a town or city and all the beauty is situated where most affluent.  There is a mixture of all to go round. 

Consequently then, life doesn’t just throw up a scenario where the richest men hunt down the hottest women they can find irrespective to what social class she belongs to, and women don’t just screen for the richest men irrespective to his social standing, intelligence and smarts.  Both genders, if honest, will still prefer a partner who is of similar social class and overall brain cell parity.  Whilst most intelligent and rich men still prioritize female looks over anything else, there will be a yardstick to how low he will go in terms of how ditzy she can be.  Conversely, although a woman places the highest priority on a man’s wealth and status, if he is too clever in comparison to her, she will feel inferior and likely not be comfortable in venturing on.  Exceptions do exist within both dynamics, but my explanation is the normal course of events.

Q-tip 1:

The happiest relationships you may find consist of a top level British male footballer (soccer player) and his associated WAG.  First, he gains from her world class hotness, even if it is by and large enhanced through cosmetics over and above her natural beauty.  Second, she gains due to the vast money and public exposure/popularity that is brought into her life.  Third, and most relevant to this post, is that in >95% of the time they are both as thick as pig shit.  It is further likely that, in spite of the rich and famous lifestyle they are both now in, they both in fact originate from the same low social class raising.

Do my experiences align with this theory?

Unlike most men who will have met their girlfriends/fianc├ęs/wives (and any ex-girlfriends) within a social network (work, other friends, family links) prior to dating, I have met more than half my ex-girlfriends through non-social network links – whether that be in a bar, nightclub, gym, travel destination, shopping mall, or just on the street.  Nevertheless, in either case the respective woman has been of a similar social class.  I can only think of one that was a good couple of levels below, although her education accolades did surpass her somewhat then existing residence deprivation. 

Despite both my parents originating from extremely poor to poor childhoods, collectively they did bring me up in a slightly below middle class/middle class area.  So, whilst I will never forget, disregard and be unappreciative of what they had to go through, in essence my mind has always been of a middle-class person.

Whether through sheer coincidence therefore, or based on the far more likely reasoning behind how compatibility is manifested, I have nearly always ended up with women who are on a remarkably similar intelligence, educational and social class platform.  The times I have cold approached physically attractive women at varying environments, yet when they opened their mouths it is clear they are from a level (or two or three) below me in social class, intuition and savviness, it usually hasn’t gone much further. 

Part of this dead end would be down to my infuriated thought process of sitting with someone who clearly isn’t on my wavelength (although I have to be honest and confess that I would still venture on for short term mentality sex), but, in my opinion and assessment, as large a part is down to their reluctance to be with someone who makes them feel mentally inferior.  It also cannot be ruled out that, on the basis these women have predominantly, if not always, found themselves with lower social class and low intelligence men, they even found me boring.

A final thought

Taking all this into consideration, for the purpose of long-term girlfriend or even wife material, it would be more than prudent to seek out a woman who is on, or was brought up in, a similar social class level to you.  Anything below that could end up in frustration on your part, and inferiority on her part.  A woman looking up to a man in proverbial terms is always far more beneficial than looking down on him for the health of the relationship, but there is a balance that needs to be struck.

Did I mention a woman looking down?  On the rarer occasions when women end up with men of lower social class, it rarely ends well.  The typical scenario here could be when a woman has become fed up with her rich (but boring beta) husband, and she goes through a spell seeking out more edgy and sexually arousing (but likely far less affluent and of lower social class) men.  These men could often, but not always, be younger than both her husband and her. 

The problem with this dynamic is that the whole process is simply a phase on the woman’s part to make herself feel alive once more and make herself feel better about life (especially if she is past her prime physical attractiveness years and wants to feel better in herself to be with a younger man).  She doesn’t just wake up one day and think that a nice house, expensive clothes, lavish vacations, flash cars and an easy life is no longer what she wants, and in replacement for living in a basement with very little disposable income.  She desires the best of both worlds.

This is why, after a few weeks (or months at most), she becomes infuriated and fed up with the edgier but economically poorer man who can’t give her the life she once attained.  She either goes running back to hubby (who, if he has any sense doesn’t take her back and is on the path with a younger and hotter female replacement), or she seeks out a similar man to the husband in wealth and status terms.

If you do find yourself with this kind of woman who is of higher social class to you and has lived a life of wealth above what you can feasibly supply, or are willing to supply, then simply use her as a short-term mentality phase of a bit of no strings attached sex.  If you try for anything above this, far more often than not it won’t end how you most likely would like it to conclude.  

Q-tip 2:

Nonetheless, just because you ultimately locate a woman who is on the same social class to you does by no means allow you to think all roads will be clear and smooth.  Every woman - from any social class or intelligence degree - arrives with issues, mind games, manipulations, lies, and an uncontrollable requirement to put herself before anything else.  In a way, the higher social class and intelligent she is, the harder she is to please.

Wednesday, 30 June 2021

Why most men don’t like the highest calibre men


“Master my self, to master my enemy.”

 

A lot has been mentioned on this blog over the years about why a high proportion (that, depending on the environment, is usually a large majority) of women are antagonistic most of the time towards the highest calibre men.  Highest calibre from a male perspective offering can be measured in many ways – physical attractiveness (combination of good looks, body profile and height), social and occupational status, personality, charisma, wealth, talent, dress style, body language, confidence, voice tone, uniqueness, intelligence etc – however it is clear to see from real life observations that women’s noses are put out of joint the greatest when they see an extremely good-looking man with an impressive body and admirable height to assist. 

Nevertheless, it is often an oversight to why other men are equally as resistant and sometimes hostile towards this isolated said man who has, what would seem, the world at is feet.  Unlike women as explained above who will be most envious towards the man’s physical allure, it is conceivable that most men will be more jealous of said man’s status than his physical looks.  Therefore, the other men, whilst still resentful that he is better looking than them, will be more begrudging of his sports car sitting in the car park.

Why does the gender jealousy slightly differ?

In simple explanation, a woman’s greatest strength, asset and offering to the world, and in conjunction with what she is judged on by men the most, is her physical beauty.  There is unlikely to be a day in our lifetimes before robots take over where this will change.  With this in mind, when a woman is in the close proximity to an equal looking or better-looking man in gender relative terms, she has that power of her best selling point taken away from her within her inner belief.  This acts as an automated and subconscious reaction to either act malicious at worst, or simply awkward at best.

Q-tip 1:

A woman will desire to be with the highest calibre man in as many elements as possible as long as he is less physically attractive than her.  It is only when there is an extremely good-looking man in the scenario when it would appear she is also not happy if he possesses many other non-physical positive offerings.  In other words, if an average looking man drove an expensive car, she would see this in positive light and be more attracted to him.  If a very good-looking man drove the exact same car, she would see this in a much more negative manner.

Hypocrisy at it’s best and most obvious, one could say….

On the other hand, bear in mind >90% of men fall into the average looking compartment in terms of male physical attractiveness.  This >90% ranges from marginally below average, average, to above average (leaving the remaining <10% for ugly and good-looking men).  With this consideration, more than nine out of ten men aren’t going to be striking women’s attentions on their looks alone. 

However, the saving grace for the vast majority of the male population is that women don’t primarily select a man on his physical impressiveness, to the point where most women actually pinpoint men who are lesser looking than themselves.  Women place far more emphasis on a man’s status and financial standing, with a good few other metrics as explained further above that are more important than his looks. 

This manifests in men striving hard to maximize their earnings and status levels in order to bridge the gap between not instantly and organically being able to attract women on face value alone.  If she can get a sniff of his status and monetary extent being of appealing nature, he can attract her and consequently box above his weight in looks terms.  Any honest person will have observed this undeniable consequence – where nine out of ten couples below 35 years of age illustrate a better looking woman alongside a lesser looking man.

Therefore, if an average-looking man sees a good-looking man who attains a better car, dress sense and positive demeanour than him, he is robbed of life’s opportunity to neutralize the competitive condition.  It is effectively the same dynamic as the woman being robbed of her physical beauty exposure if, the man she is nearby, attracts more viewers than her.

My experiences

The first time I consciously considered how men can be jealous or, let’s say, slow in interaction or forthcoming nature, was around the age of 25.  At that time, a lot of my friends started to give up on the going out scene, and it left me with no option as a single guy than to start trying to find other social circles.  On most occasions, their willingness to invite me on their respective nights out was apathetic at best.

This even included some men who were more than friendly when on a one-to-one situation, and this trend still plays out today.  I find a lot of men are, even if slightly awkward and lacking eye contact on a one-to-one basis, quite amiable when in conversation.  Once with their circle of friends, this amicability seemingly vanishes.  Read into this what you will…

The overriding conclusion I came up with is that, for the purpose of nights out where the male mission in a male dominated competitive environment is to attract the most sought-after women, they knew I was competition which they didn’t feel comfortable in dealing with.  In a way, who can blame them?  I guess you feather your own nest, and in situations where desirable women are in small pickings at the best of times, why make the battle any harder? 

Is there an obvious type of man who will be most inhospitable?

This question would merit a designated post in itself, however for the purpose of time and ease to conclude this article, I bullet point those men who – in both working and social surroundings – would act in either embracement or close hatred on a near absolute basis.

The positive receptiveness and engagement from male character types are:

·       Older men (men at least fifteen years older than me)

·       Family men (men who have no inclination to stray from their female partners)

·       Gay men

·       Heterosexual (or closet!) feminine men

·       Men who simply find it easy and natural to embrace with other men who stand out from the crowd

·       Immigrants / Non-British men

·       Slightly mentally inept/eccentric men 

The negative receptiveness and engagement from male character types are:

·       “Ladies Men” – men who like to think women are attracted to them (even if they are men who are married)

·       Office Bullies (similar reasoning to “Ladies Men”)

·       Younger men (not all, but a high percentage)

·       Older men who are resistant to getting old (and think they can still attract younger women)

·       Status men – an amalgamation of a “Ladies Man” and Office Bully – who attempts to use his profession to compensate for his lack of physical draw

·       Generally jealous men / Chip on their shoulder in life men

·       Men who feel inferior (and they try to compensate by making silly comments / acting unsociable)

A final thought

It’s not until I entered my late twenties that I started to understand why this all occurs.  If honest, it used to frustrate me somewhat, but like all things learned about women or even life generally, once you understand why things happen, the frustration and even hurt fragments into pretty much nothing.  You become the rubber ball that can be pushed, but that most things bounce off. 

Q-tip 2:

Take note of the phrase at the top, and have it stamped between your ears whenever an obstacle of this kind in life is encountered.  When you are comfortable and confident with the person you have become, you care not a penny what others think of you.  When you have mastered yourself, you have mastered those who try to bring you down.

Thursday, 24 June 2021

When is the optimum stage to approach a woman who fancies you?

 

“In nearly all aspects of life, there will be a buyer for every seller,

and a seller for every buyer.”

  

Whilst I like to think I, sooner rather than later these days, make the right decisions in life on a vast majority basis, I’ll always hold my hands up when making inefficient moves.  Facing up to your mistakes, no matter how distant or recent they belong to your past, will pretty much always be beneficial in comparison to those who live in their own bubble in believing they are immune to making any incorrect processes.

Q-tip 1:

The smartest people in life will be those who made and learned from their mistakes and failures, because without this negative experience they wouldn’t be in a position to consequently construct life changing success stories.

The backdrop

About seven weeks ago I was training in the gym on an early Sunday morning.  Whilst gyms have become slightly busier on these unsociable times (mainly due to less activity on weekend nights due to social restriction measures over the last year or so), needless to say that seeing an attractive woman during this timeframe is extremely rare.  If you were to give it a couple of hours – hence from 10am onwards as opposed to 8am to 9am – then the numbers of women worth checking out would be marginally higher.

Nevertheless, on this particular day, towards the last fifteen minutes of my workout when I concluded with the boxing bags, I saw a very nice-looking woman aged round 25 to 26.  She was in immaculate shape, with tidy medium to long straight blonde hair.  Pretty face.

At the risk of tooting my own horn, her glances towards me were undeniable.  More than that though, her looks appeared very friendly and without any resentment whatsoever.  It appeared her acceptance of my existence was with forthcoming admiration.  I’m certainly no stranger to women looking at me, but more often than not it is with a clear sexual liking but obvious nose out of joint expression in concurrence.  

A couple of weeks later – same day of the week and time give or take – I saw her again from a distance.  She had one of the personal trainers talking to her for a few minutes as she warmed up on the treadmill.  When I was on the bags once more, she came towards the weights area (about 20 yards from me).  Once more, her looks towards me were transparent and with the same amiable manner.  As I walked past her whilst she was in mid repetition stream, she smiled once more.  In hindsight, that is the point I should have interacted.  I guess I’m not a fan of disturbing someone in during weights workout (never helps when they have earphones in too), but I can’t use that as too much of an excuse.

Why didn’t I approach her?

In essence, there were a few reasons I didn’t approach at that time:

·       As alluded to above, I prefer to approach women in the gym when they are either on a slow-paced treadmill/cross-trainer etc, or around the core area where no machines are taken up.  Rightly or wrongly, I am a person who prides himself on common courtesy and general etiquette, and for it to be a worthwhile conversation to move things on with her we would need to speak for a good while.  If I was a third party, I’d be annoyed in waiting for a machine to be free when two people are not training.

·       On the back of the above point, from my experience women tend to not be at their most interactive and engaging when around the weights area and desiring to crack on.  That said, in retrospect her interest indicators towards me would have conceivably negated this obstacle.

·       The best-looking men can, once more from acquired from my first-hand experience, often find it counter-productive to approach a woman too early in the social interaction phase.  This is because a large percentage of women will have perceptions towards these men as being players, and if he approaches her the minute he sees her then said woman will usually assume if approaches inundated women in playing the numbers game.  If she allows her mind to just believe she is another woman, she will often automatically reject him in terms of taking it further.

·       I just assumed I would see her again the following week (or week after latest), to which all concerns as stated above would be mitigated to an extent and the timing would be about right.

Women don’t stick at things for long

Not for the first time though, insurance policy thought-process of seeing her again never materialised.  I have been at the gym every Sunday for the last four weeks, and she has been nowhere to be seen. 

This could be partly down to having a boyfriend, and I was nothing more than the usual better sexual arousing vision than her male partner.  She doesn’t want to go down any further temptation lines, at least not until she has totally become repulsed with her current man. 

Another possibility is that she could be in fact single, and she was disappointed I never approached her.  She may have assumed I am romantically involved with another woman.  By changing her workout time, she can remove the amalgamated ill-feeling of being attracted to a man she believes is unattainable. 

 Lessons learned

We are all masters in hindsight.  I don’t totally blame myself and I’m not completely beating myself up, because in these moments a man may have nothing more than a few minutes – simultaneous to focusing on the mind-body concentration of his own workout – to weigh things up.  Once home, with hours to think about it, things become much clearer on what perhaps was the better course of action. 

There is an argument, with the above anecdote used as a case in point, that a man should just approach a woman as soon as he finds her attractive in his peripheral vision.  This isn’t a bad argument at all.  For one, he removes all mitigating circumstances such as never seeing her again.  Second, once he has asked her out, he knows one way or the other if she is willing to venture on (although it has to be said that a woman accepting to go out with a man is by no means an acceptance that she will sleep with him in due course).

A final thought – based on men’s physical attractiveness

So to wrap this up, if all else is equal then a good/very-good looking man has two options.  He either approaches on the first day he has clear signs of her sexual interest, or he waits for the second meeting.  Any longer than that, and he runs the firm risk of flushing the opportunity down the toilet.

On the other hand, less physically attractive men ranging from anything between below average to above average have less to think about.  Most of these men will not receive sexual predilection hints from women, and they will not obtain a female projected perception onto him that he attains a plethora of female admirers and options.  With this in mind, a man who falls into some level of male physical attractiveness mediocrity can approach a woman on the first attempt and most likely receive beneficial results in comparison to waiting at all.

This is because the woman will not think, unlike her thoughts towards the best-looking men, that he walks up to anything that wears a skirt.  Even in the unlikely event she does think this, she will still not believe many women will accept his advances.  Consequently, the confidence she sees him portray – in having the balls to approach her – is far advantageous to any other thought she may manifest in her mind.

On the rarer occasions when this below average to above average looking man does receive a glance or two from target woman and it appears he has interest, he should probably still approach on first sight.  Maybe he should wait a few minutes of course just to keep her on her toes. 

Q-tip 2:

Ironically, when a woman hints for a man who is less physically attractive than her (in gender relative terms) to approach her, yet he does not approach her, she becomes more attracted to him than the same woman would be if she hinted for a better-looking man to interact with her. Equally, her nose would be put out of joint even more by the former man than the latter man.  It is all to do with which man she expects to bow down to her beauty, and which man she anticipates will not appreciate her beauty as much.

Thursday, 3 June 2021

Mention a “girlfriend” to negate her boyfriend brag

 

“Neither of us were perfect, but we were perfect for each other.”

  

This post is most relevant and of benefit to the best-looking men out there, however if you are a man who falls a bit (or considerably) below this level, it will still be more than worth reading on.  If you belong to the latter, you can take another lesson in how women - often women you think may be out of your league - make decisions that are products of their uncontrollable and mainly innate character.

The typical scenario

When you see a woman who you are attracted to, it’s never a bad thing to approach her and get the question mark out of your head to whether she likes you back in the same way, or more importantly if she is willing to venture on with you in a sexual (and not platonic) manner.  This might sound obvious, but I get the feeling in this day and age that less men are approaching women they like in this way.  Granted, the pandemic and associated social distancing measures hasn’t helped, but this is now an excuse you can no longer hide behind. 

Once you do have the cojones to approach said woman, you can never be fully sure how she will receive you.  Experience, knowledge and trends significantly assist this preconception, but even these attributes will not be fail proof.  I’ve approached some women who gave me only minor indicators of interest beforehand yet who were engaging and positively receptive from the get-go, whilst on other occasions I’ve approached women who had given me undeniable eyes from afar and near, yet on announcement they would turn their heads away.

The general trend is as follows (this previous post will also assist)

·       If you are a man considerably less physically attractive than the woman you are hitting on (which is a minority of cases), unless she knows of you, she will give you truly little response in return.  This is because she has no attraction towards you at all, and sometimes she will even think her street credibility has been diminished somewhat in talking to you.  Smelling great will, to an extent, mitigate this negative female receptiveness. 

·       If you are a man who is more physically attractive than the woman you are hitting on (which represents an exceedingly small minority of cases, even smaller than the above), then more often than not you will also receive a negative response.  This is because you have put her nose out of joint in making her feel less important and valued, because her physical looks (which is her biggest selling point to men and the world) has been deleveraged.  At best, her lack of eye contact and engagement will be because she feels awkward and somewhat uncomfortable in her attraction towards you.

·       If you are a man who is marginally (but noticeably - hence 10% to 15%) less physically attractive than the woman you are hitting on (which will represent the vast majority of cases), you will receive the most positive and amenable response.  This is because you strike the perfect balance and sweet spot between the above two scenarios.  In essence, you neither make her feel embarrassed nor inferior, and she is at her most comfortable state of mind when alongside you. 

Q-tip 1:

All else equal, any man should objectively rate his own physical attractiveness grade and then subsequently screen for women who are 10% to 15% more physically attractive in gender relative terms.  Occasionally, this can even be leveraged to a 20% difference.  On fewer occasions still, a >20% upgrade is within a man’s grasp.

How to negate the usual approach knockback

On the basis she doesn’t simply blank you and does in fact engage in conversation, as a man you need to implement this three-stage process, and it needs to be incorporated in small timeframes between each: 

1)    Find a common theme between the two of you

2)    Break the touch barrier

3)    Talk and act sexual (in turn getting her alone) 

Now, not for minute is this process, outside of bars and nightclubs, an easy strategy to fulfil.  If so, there will need to be a degree of flexibility and ad lib mindset in your delivery.  In any case, the lesson is clear – you don’t want to waste too much time on something that won’t develop sexually. 

Nevertheless, if the implicated environmental opportunities for stages 2 and 3 are not realistic possibilities, yet she has shown willingness at stage 1, you need to be asking her (after a few minutes) to whether she is in a relationship.  There are four main likelihoods in her answers:

1)    She genuinely is not in a relationship.  In this case, ask her out.

2)    She is in a relationship (even if only casual), but she tells you she is not.  In this case, she will have felt an attraction towards you.  She is keeping her options open due to clearly not being totally into her boyfriend (or he could be a jerk and she is into him, but she realizes he is not good long-term material).  Ask her out.

3)    She isn’t in a relationship, but she tells you she is.  In this case she has no intention of moving things on with you.  Move on to the next woman and forget about her.  Further explanation of course of action is given below.

4)    She is genuinely in a relationship.  Explanation of course of action shown below. 

So, 1 and 2 is clear, with 3 and 4 looking like a dead end has been hit.  So in the case of 3 or 4, rather than just wilt like a flower in dejection and depression, you should have this back up plan which has always served me well and given me the last laugh. 

Mention your “girlfriend”

I’ve found that most (but certainly not all) women who gave me indicators of interest either blank me on approach or quickly mention they have a boyfriend.  I used to get a little frustrated at this, but it soon dawned on me why this happened

I also tended to get annoyed because it was like I’d given the woman the best of both worlds.  Not only did she receive the attention, effort and validation of my approach for the price of nothing to her, but she also had the backup and sometimes slightly cocky response in bragging about her boyfriend.  Most usual, this boyfriend would be nothing to brag about when I saw him down the line.

It was at that stage in my life that I would come up with the easiest of solutions.  I simply mentioned my “girlfriend”.  Sometimes I would have a girlfriend by nature and definition, but usually (such was the fact I was approaching another woman) I did not.  The typical conversation would proceed as follows: 

Me: “So are you in a relationship right now?  Don’t give me any bullshit, as I know of some women who say they are when they aren’t, and some who say they aren’t when they are.  Coming to think it, why do you ladies do this?” (knowing the answer to my own question of course, but using it to lighten things up). 

Her: “Yes I am” (those who really had no intention to get to know me would have already announced the boyfriend prior to me asking).

Me: “Oh cool, how long have you been together?”

Her: “Two years now.” 

Me: “Aah, that’s about the same time as us…….”

Sometimes I’d even give a little story about how the “girlfriend” (based on an ex-girlfriend) and I got together, illustrating and emphasizing how cute it was.

Q-tip 2:

An underrated and priceless disposition for a man is to be in a situation where he believes he is as (or more) important than the woman he is talking to.  This mentality has to be in a humble and unspoken manner though.  Most men perform the inverse mentality – in believing she is too good for him.  Nevertheless, this dynamic can become counter-productive when the woman, deep down, starts to believe he is too good for her.  The balance between the two extreme concepts is a fine one.

 A final thought

You would think, wouldn’t you, that if a woman has no intention to become sexually involved with a man, she would then be happy in her emotions and positive in her body language once the man who approaches her consequently mentions his girlfriend?  Let me tell you that, and this also includes married women, on not one occasion was this female response of positivity and glee on her part.  Let me tell you that on every occasion it was of a face drop, head down, transparent disappointment, and most notable, jealousy that was impossible to hide.

Why is this the case, you may ask? 

·       For one, women don’t like the thought of another woman having sex with a visually and most likely objectively better man than their own male partner.  Funnily and ironically enough, they have no problem in a lesser man having sex with any other woman in the world! 

·       Second, the man who approached her has now negated her broadcasting self-importance that another man loves her.  Women like to think they have the best man and relationship in the world (until they are ready to leave him, when they make no hesitation in portraying him as the devil), so when another man tells her about his girlfriend, she loses this verbal power.  The better looking the man, the more envious she is that he attains a girlfriend. 

·       Third, and most important, is the belief in her mind that you have been preselected by another woman.  Every man, no matter where he falls on the lineage of male physical attractiveness and overall sought-after quality, is thought of as more attractive and appealing by another woman once she has knowledge of another woman alongside him.  This is on the provision and caveat that his female partner is more physically attractive than him.

A final, final thought

With all the above in mind, and if you only ever take one thing out of this post, believe me this strategy doesn’t half make approaching women much easier.  It also, as much instrumental to your trepidation mindset of outcome dependence, makes the whole exercise far easier to encounter. 

As long as she doesn’t blank you from the start (which will sometimes still happen), it is a win-win situation.  If she doesn’t state she has a boyfriend, it is conceivable she considers you as worth getting to know (albeit this is by no means a guarantee she has intentions of sleeping with you at that stage).  If she does state she has a boyfriend, then you have the “girlfriend” up your sleeve to fully nullify your inner disappointment.  When all said and done, she cannot claim she is any better than you in this respect.

Q-tip 3:

A whale’s intention is to eat you up, and most people hold no defence, acting as plankton whilst allowing the whale (or bully) to do so.  A select minority however do hold their ground, they do not swim away, and they refuse to be the greedy sod’s lunch.  Be that fish who acts as the remora.