Friday 24 November 2023

Men in newly wedding rings – how do women respond?

 

                   “Forbidden love is like being addicted to something.  It feels good at the time                                    and gives you pleasure, but there’s no good that can come from it.”                           (Mark Twain)

  

As much as the above phrase holds a lot of sense and logic in reality terms, you want to try telling women that no good can come from it.  The more you tell them this, the harder they will try for it to work and to prove you (or the phrase) wrong.  Even if they are fully aware no good can derive from it, it will not stop them one ounce in still going through with the forbiddances. 

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                     The more drama, self-attention and (usually legal, but sometimes illegal) wrongdoing something in life has attached to it, the greater a woman will strive to achieve it.

About two months ago, I recollected this previous post written nearly a decade ago.  I sometimes have to wonder where time goes.  One thing is for sure, it goes too fast, and I doubt there are many honest people out there who think much differently.  Time is nobody’s friend, and time only serves to try and punish you.  I digress….

When have I worn wedding rings?

In spite of never being married, the wearing of a wedding ring has been a generally intermittent, but occasionally regular, habit of mine.  I offer you the reasons to why I have done so:

·       As someone who looks like I do (far more alpha and good looking than the average man), yet who has mainly worked in predominantly beta male environments and industries, the immediate perception another man will put on me is dislike and that I should not be there, and I am just a player amongst loyal and committed (and most usually, not in demand with women) men.  Perception is an evil tool; however key personnel can often make decisions based on what makes them feel better about themselves (even if this decision is not the most productive and beneficial).  When men see me in a wedding ring, the warmer reception I receive from them is undeniably pronounced in comparison to if I did not wear one.

·       Similar to the above, women in meetings or interviews I have attended also look upon me more fondly when they see a wedding ring on my finger, in contrast to the times they were less amiable when I did not wear it. 

·       Whilst few women will go out there way to directly ask a man out (they will usually wait for him to ask her, no matter how blatant her interest), on the rare occasions I have found myself in these situations, a wedding ring can give me that distance from her growing enthusiasm.  This of course is applicable to women to whom I am not sexually attracted.

·       I tend to be a person who other men either really like or totally dislike.  There has never been much in between.  In respect to the latter group, it is an unproven (but plain to see) circumstance of their jealousy towards what they see.  Whilst this is not a major reason at all to wear a wedding ring, to take a metaphor, I am not going to knock a gift horse in the mouth.  Simply put, men in social environments are friendlier and less aggressive towards me when they see me in a wedding ring.

·       Women with antagonistic behaviour and body language towards me, similar to the exampled men as described above, also appear to manifest a greater warmth towards me when they spot the ring on the finger.  Again, not that this is any skin off my nose either way, but it likewise does not do any harm.

·       So many women in my life have given me indicators of interest, only to reject me when I have approached them and asked them if they would like us to get to know each other.  These women have nearly always later been seen with average to above average looking men.  As much as it would appear I am dragging myself down to these respective women’s level in games and maturity terms, it gives me a good feeling for them to later see me wearing a wedding ring.  It puts their nose out of joint, and if the truth be told, I get an enriched feeling from this somewhat retribution. 

The most important reason – attracting attractive women

Nevertheless, with acknowledgement to all the above points, by far the most relevant and important choice to wear a ring has been based on, rightly or wrongly, my prediction that it will benefit me in the face of women I would like to get romantically, or just sexually, involved with. 

With that said, and whilst I would like to think that I have been decisive and consistent with everything I have written in this blog over the last decade, I equally appreciate that for some men like me, this may not always be the best decision to make.  If you take another look at the post I wrote in 2014, you will clearly see how I caveated this conundrum accordingly.

What did I choose to do?

When I went on a short vacation towards the end of September, this naturally meant that I did not attend the gym for about ten days.  This gave me a convenient time, on return, to start wearing a wedding ring in the gym.  Most people in there – bearing in mind nobody in there knows me personally or on a deep level – would just assume that I got married in the time I was away.

If the truth be told, I also wanted to amuse and intrigue myself regarding how women in there would respond.  It has now been a month; therefore, I offer my findings.  Also bear in mind that, over the last three years I have been a member in this gym, there have been a good few dozen women who I sensed sexual interest in me.  I must have spoken to at least twenty of them.

·       One female that stood out just so happened to be a young woman who I had never seen in there before I went away.  I think she only joined about five weeks ago.  She has been very pleasant and engaging (we now speak most times we see each other in there), and the ring most certainly does not put her off.  It is however impossible to compare her conduct against how she would have been prior to me wearing it.  I also think her pleasantness, in any case, has a lot to do with the fact she is no older than 21, and quite hot.

·       Another woman who I was interested to observe her etiquette is a Personal Trainer.  Although I have sensed her attraction in the past, this has also been amalgamated with somewhat resentment of my existence, no matter how friendly and acknowledging I have been with her.  To start with, she looked at my ring with a little tear in her eye.  As the weeks have gone on though, she has become more affable as every time has passed.  She has even gone as far, occasionally, to ask me how I am (almost alien for a woman to do these days, such is how wrapped up in their own lives they are)!

·       In terms of the women I have sensed attraction onto me (and who I am attracted to in return), but who I have never spoken to, my gut instincts have sensed a recognizable sway towards being more cordial as opposed to more negative body language.

·       Women who I am not attracted to (whether they have shown any sign of attraction onto me or not) have also come across as anything ranging from the same as before, to a greater warmth.

·       This finally leaves women who I have spoken to in there (the vast majority who I would like to take it further with) – aged approximately between 22 and 31.  Each and every one of them in the past, after showing an interest in me before I approached them, have either said they had a boyfriend or they cut the conversation short in moving away from me.  To each and every one of them, since they have observed the ring, they have looked a little disappointed.  Concurrently however, their body language has been noticeably more congenial. 

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                          I will never forget the words of a former female work colleague.  She said – “Women don’t want to be with you, but they don’t want another woman to have you.”

A final thought

In essence, this little experiment of mine has only confirmed and reinforced what I already knew, and what I pretty much predicted to happen.  To illustrate what my former work colleague alluded to, women will only start to appreciate a man when they start to think it is too late to have him.

In truth, and to elaborate on this female psychological way of acting in these scenarios, the vast majority of women do not want to be with a man like me.  The reasons have been explained inundated time before on this blog.  The problem is, this defaulted message in their minds to not want to be with me, fights a battle with the other side of the mind in not wanting me to be with anyone else.  Cake and eat it, to take a phrase.

In conclusion, women want the best of both worlds.  A woman desires to be with a lesser looking man than she in order to feel better about life and herself, but she does not want the better looking man than her boyfriend/fiancé/husband – a man she will possibly have turned down – to be with another female competitor.  If she had her way in life, said hot man would fall into indefinite celibacy.  At least, her ego would think this way (strangely, her heart and sexual feelings want to fantasize in him sleeping with as many beautiful women a possible).

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If a woman sustains a tear to her eye and a sharp pain to her heart when she sees a man with another woman, part, or all, of her deep down wants to be with him.  If a man was having sex with another woman in front of her eyes, yet she barely gives a toss, he may as well be invisible to her existence. 

A final, final thought

By the way, if you were to do a quick engine search on this topic in terms of investigating an online forum or comments section within a designated article, you will find a lot of predictable comments from women.  The lion’s share of these female comments will consist of words to the effect that they are not more attracted to men who wear wedding rings (all else being equal for credibility to the analysis), and in fact they would stay away from these already committed men.

Most scientific studies, but far more importantly your real life experience and observations, will of course indicate otherwise.  Women have very little to non-existent contrition in lying, especially with regards to emotional and relationship oriented subjects they are faced with, in order to, on the outside, make it look as if they are ethical, moral and, for want of a better term, good people.

As always, as a strong man with a pair of balls and a bit of common sense, you need to rise above this bullshit and say it for what it is and what you see.  Watch what women do, and do not listen to what they say.

Wednesday 8 November 2023

Mate guarding is not a good look

 

“He who constantly looks over his shoulder, is he who is outwardly afraid.” 

 

Let us start with a textbook definition of mate guarding:

Mate guarding is the physical guarding of a female in order to deny rival males the opportunity to mate with her and is one of the most commonly used defensive strategies observed in mammals (Nichols, Amos, Cant, Bell, & Hodge, 2010), birds (Hoi, Tost, & Griggio, 2011), insects (Simmons, 2001), and fish (Alonzo & Warner, 2000).

The animal kingdom, in many ways regarding female and male existence, is not much different to human behaviour when considered to how the male species acts in this respect.  In both cases, they are essentially doing the same thing.  The reason human deportment is more fascinating, in my mind at least, is because the psychological element to such ways of behaving is that bit more intriguing to explore.

Taking animals first, the male is fundamentally, and almost solely motivated in, attempting to not allow another male competitor to mate with his female companion (or the female he is attempting to mate with).  In simple terms, he does not want anything else to stand in the way of him mating with her.  There is very other little consideration to him.  Sometimes he will fight off the male rival, whilst other times he will submit to a superior force he cannot compete or fight with. 

Now taking humans, the male is pretty much doing the same thing.  He does not want any other man to have sex with his female partner, or the woman he is trying to bang, in putting it bluntly.  Nevertheless, his mate guarding tactics are a little more subtle than exampled animal.  More to be explained on this later.

A relevant anecdote

There is a woman in the gym who I wrote a post about last year.  Without going back on old ground, it was obvious she was, and seemingly still is, attracted to me.

Since the early part of this year, there has been a man who looks in his mid-twenties trying to grind her down.  He is a 7/10 in physical attractiveness terms, so in respect to her, he falls perfectly into the approximate 10% deleverage strike zone that most women strive for.

On paper, this dynamic in him being 10% to 15% less physically attractive than her should have been an easy path for her to continue on with him.  After all, providing he did not have bad odour or something, there is very little obstruction for her to venture on with him on this basis.  However, it was clear for a couple of months that she was not exactly being forthcoming in making this, on paper once more, somewhat easy decision.

The main reason behind this is, in my knowledge of how women think and act, because he is about three inches shorter than her.  The number of times she would speak to him – for attention purposes in the early stages – ensuring either she was sitting down, or he was sitting down, was too transparent for any person with two brain cells to not fathom.  She would often take her trainers off when near him too, just to bridge the height gap as much as she could.

About three months ago, she and her female best buddy must have had some kind of falling out.  It was amusing that one day they were always acting like little girls and carrying out over-exaggerated laughing, to almost overnight walking past each other with devil eyes.  Without any proof, my guess is that the tall blonde (the woman referenced in this post, and the previous post) let her “friend” down on a so called agreement to go on a holiday or rent a house together.  Again, just a hunch.

Anyway, around this time of the fallout, it was clear that she finally submitted to the guy who had pursued her for months on end, and they had become a couple.  I even noticed from the other side of the gym where the two of them were training on the cables together, and every time they went to talk, she kind of crouched down a little to less expose the height difference.  I certainly do not think it was any coincidence that she started dating him at the time of the fallout with the other woman. 

Jealous male mate guarding

It just so happens every Wednesday, gym routine people as we are, that a common time occurs when I work out on a bench a couple of yards diagonally in front of her.  As someone he will have sensed her being attracted to (and she may possibly have told him this pre-dating phase), in addition to being one of the rare men in there who actually smells decent, it is plain to see his discomfort and jealousy when this occurrence hits him in the eyes.

What he does to counteract this displeasing disposition is to, as soon as he sees her and I in close proximity, move from his training area and start to help her train.  It really is pitiful, but in essence this is what human male mate guarding is in a nutshell. 

Not only does this man fail in what is right to further attract women (in particular women you are already dating), but this also has a negative effect on his training results, such is his endeavours in wasting time staying close to her.  Bad move, on both counts.

Do women like male mate guarding?

The easy explanation to this question is to effectively summarise how women act in two extreme psyches.  On the one side you have her ego, and on the other side you have her heart (and sexual arousal to accompany her heart).  A woman seeing her male partner (or a man generally) trying to mate guard will enjoy the head swell ego boost to illustrate that a man in her life is so into her that he will go to the lengths of mate guarding and competitor interception, but the other side of her will concede that by acting out this mate guarding trait, he has taken away what beats her heart faster and makes here panties wet – due to him making it too blatant that he is doing such thing.

Because a man mate guarding is in no uncertain terms a man who is jealous, insecure, and contains a feeling of inferiority in comparison to the man or men he is mate guarding her from.  Deep down women know this, and in their honest veins no woman is sexually attracted to a man who is showing these character colours.  This is not to say many, many women do not tolerate the irritable feeling that mate guarding negatively decorates, because as implied above, most modern day women will go with their egos over their hearts.

Is mate guarding productive or unproductive?

Before answering this question, the first aspect to address is simply numbers based.  In the modern day, most (>80%) of women will put their egos ahead of their hearts, and most (>80%) men are beta males who uncontrollably and by default deliver with mate guarding strategy.  With this considered, you could make a firm argument that mate guarding is beneficial in securing, and keeping, a woman.

On the other hand, if you have morals and principles to be the best version of yourself as feasibility allows, accustomed with taking a firm preference in getting women to be sexually attracted to you rather than making them feel better about life and themselves, then mate guarding is a complete no go zone.  As with everything, the choice is that of your own.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                       Men low in confidence, but high in jealousy, insecurity and inferiority will be prominent of mate guarding.  Men who are the inverse to this, combined with savviness and high knowledge of what makes women tick, keep their distance from their female partners, even when many other men are around.  When all said and done, it is simple assessment to how good a catch you believe you are for her in contrast to the hoards of other males around her.

Side note

I wrote most of this post a few weeks ago, before finalizing today.  In this interim time, the woman and man I reference in this post have evidently left the gym to join most likely another place.

My hunch tells me this change of events is two-fold.  He gets her away from a venue where there are edgier men who she sets her eyes on than him.  She alleviates herself from the irritable and resentful feeling and day in day out experience of having to look at men she would, in honesty and sexual instinctiveness, want to have sex with more than the man she is with.  For now, it works beneficially for both.

Friday 20 October 2023

People fail to understand the female emotional mind

 

“If everyone followed their own advice, the world would belong to far fewer hypocrites.”

  

This question from a post I came across made me chuckle somewhat: 

“My fiance got his co-worker pregnant. Our wedding is in 2 months and everything’s paid for. He says he still loves me and that he made a mistake. What should I do? What would you do?”

It did not amuse me because of the situation may I add, as the woman has my sincere sympathies, but it was more to do with the question per se, and the subsequent predictable counselling that was returned to her.

Taking the latter first, the comments are as you would expect.  I skimmed down a number of them, and the response theme, from both other women and men, is that she should not stay with him, irrespective of the set of circumstances.

Even if clear and simple, and at the risk of sounding obvious, this is the logical and correct advice.  As many of the commenters directly said or alluded to, a mistake is speeding in a car, putting on the wrong socks, taking a piss in a public area you thought was hidden because your bladder was exploding.  A mistake is not committing infidelity.  Infidelity in terms of consented sex is predetermined, no matter how much under the influx of alcohol or drugs you may be.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                              Women and men are very prompt and direct in condemning infidelity.  Usually, it is because they are not desired enough by the opposite sex to cheat themselves, and other times they are bitter and jealous because they are not able to do so. 

Even as someone who has never cheated himself, I never take a condemner’s words seriously when they speak about adultery unless I know them personally.  This is because it is easy to criticize a person when you have never been in that position yourself.  If you have been in that position, and you have made the wiser choice than the one you condemn was incapable of doing, then conversely, I am all ears to the words you speak.

The woman’s question examined

With my knowledge of female emotional psychology, the question is also predicable in terms of knowing what she wants to do, and most likely, what she will do (or did).  In case you have not worked out my cynicism at this point, I would place a fair bet on the likelihood she did, even after all this, stay with him.

The first giveaway is the question itself.  Any person with an ounce of pride and common sense would not need to ask even one person what he/she should do, or what another (hence, the person you are asking) would do.  Your pride and common sense alone should look at a person who has cheated on you with disgust, and after the heartache has eased and tears have dried, see it as a lucky escape.

Whilst acknowledging this being a poor comparison, for a moment I put myself in her shoes.  If I found out a woman cheated on me two months before our wedding, and she got herself pregnant to the dude, even if I poured every penny I ever earned into the wedding day, credit cards and debt to accompany, I would not even need to contemplate for a single second in staying with her.  I could never look at her in the eye without repulsiveness.  I could never like her as a person again.  I would never hold an ounce of respect towards her from that day on.  And, even if not feasible there and then, I would most certainly fall out of love with her as the days tick by.

The woman’s thought-process

Nevertheless, women, and especially a woman in her position, do not act with logic.  I offer some reasons to why this is the case:

·       There is a good chance the man she is with is relatively, maybe even highly, sought after in the eyes of other women.  As clear-cut as this may seem, it is no coincidence that the higher a man’s attraction towards other women, the more likely he is to cheat.  Equally, the lower a man’s appeal to other women, the less likely he is to be caught with his pants down.

·       With the above explanation in mind, the woman who has been cheated on may think she will never secure a better man than her fiancé.  As has been explained in the past on this blog, a woman will usually opt for a sought after but unfaithful man, over and above a less desirable but faithful man.

·       In conjunction with both the above points, there is a fair chance the woman is in her mid/late twenties to early thirties (based on the usual marrying female age).  Even after her fiance’s misdemeanours, she may feel time is not in her favour to start again and find a suitable male partner.  It is almost like spending years climbing to the top of a mountain, falling down, and realizing it will take even longer to climb back up.  Time is nobody’s friend, but it is much harsher on women (than men) in the thought-process of having to start again.

·       Even as little girls, a female mind is channelled to dream and fantasize about her wedding day.  Especially in this day and age, the numbers of men who will propose to a woman (or more to the point, men who can offer women the dream wedding) are dwindling year on year.  With this considered, many women, even women who have been cheated on and found out their male partner has got another woman pregnant, will hold a motivation for a self-exposing and attention-seeking day that overpowers the ill feeling his actions have caused. 

·       As illustrated in this previous post, the way the female emotional mind works is to be more attracted to a man when he attains preselection proof.  Even after all this, the woman in the centre of this predicament will find her cheating fiancé more sexually attractive than before she found out.  The very strong and sensible women will walk away due to what he has done, but let us be honest, strong and sensible women are extremely rare in percentage terms.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                      No matter how hurt her pride, ego and heart is, a woman will still usually make a decision based on how much she has to gain.  This is a simple reason why so many women stay with men who have breached their trust.

A final thought

For all the wise and accurate words this woman received, I did not see one comment which dissected her decision like I have done in this post.  This is not any attempt to blow my own trumpet.  This is to emphasize how people, and especially men, appear to have no clue to why women make the decisions and choices they make.  Women are more clued up than men in their comprehension (after all, they are women!), but they do not take fondly to being exposed for how they emotionally think, and consequently act out.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         It is in a woman’s interest for men to lack conscious knowledge of how the female mind works in both emotional and psychological ways.  For as long as this is the case, they can sustain the life of taking a man for a fool, and him being none the wiser.

In essence, giving advice is easy.  What is a far harder task is understanding how people think in psychological respects, and subsequently offering guidance based on understanding how that person’s mind works.  If you fail to do this, you are effectively basing your argument on all people being the same.  I call that ignorance, for want of a better word.

And as much as many people may criticize my life – in getting romantically involved with women significantly younger than me, abstaining from commitment, never being a father or getting married, taking long vacations on my own etc – whilst there are people out there who have committed infidelity, or men who have walked away after impregnating women (and never knowing or contacting their sons or daughters), I can confidently say to myself, and to them if they so wish to hear it, that I am twice the person you are.  If you desire to criticize my life, I suggest you take a closer look to home.  Rant over…

Friday 6 October 2023

Men being alienated by others

 

                             “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation                                                                          with the bricks others have thrown at him.”                                        (David Brinkley)

  

This post may not apply to many men out there in percentage terms, but judging by comments received over the last decade of writing within this blog, I would expect that it applies to more than a few male readers out there.

A disintegrating friendship

It pains me to say this, but my once best friend and I have become increasingly distant in contact terms over the last four to five years.  It would be easy to blame COVID-19, and the associated restrictions during this time that have manifested into lower general social interaction for today, but that would be a weak reason.  The signs were there well before.  I always try and blame myself first in situations of this nature in order for the purpose of credibility and balanced argument, but after further analysis it just started to become that bit clearer.

Of course, nothing can stay the same in friendship terms, or at least it rarely can.  I have no problem with this, as friends settle down, get married, and have kids.  I am not a huge socialiser myself (I am a socially interacting person, but the distinction in words and actions should not be construed as a contradiction), therefore the last thing I desire is anyone ringing me every week to go out on a routine and frequent basis. 

As what was two or three nights a week becomes once a week at best.  Once a week soon turns into once a month or so.  Once a month transfers to every few months.  Once every six months soon becomes difficult to commit to.  Before you know it, a year (or a couple of years) have passed, and you realize you have not had any meaningful or sustained conversation in all that time.  The role of me performing best man at his wedding now seems a million years ago.  If the truth be told however, I could have done a much better job of it.

With that said, I dismiss the possibility of this estrangement on the wedding roles.  Since then, I have suffered cancer, and he was supportive during my dark moments.  We did not distance in significant terms post his wedding, and he never once made me feel like he was disappointed with my efforts.  In fact, on a few occasions he thanked me for keeping the stag do low profile.  He is not the biggest drinker out there, and knowing this I deliberately refrained from exposing him to any typical bachelor party games (much to the disappointment of the twenty other stags). 

The early signs of alienation

Whilst far from a bad looking guy, my friend falls into a very mediocre standpoint of male physical attractiveness.  Being a couple of grades above him in this respect, I never used to sense any kind of resentment on his part when we went out together.  In fact, I always recall him telling me that he once asked a woman he knew (an ex-girlfriend of a friend of his) what she thought of my aesthetic blessings, concurrent to me talking to her friend.  Whilst I would not go as far as thinking he ever took pride in standing alongside a much better male friend (most men do not, but a tiny minority of men actually do), I equally never picked up on a vibe of bitterness either.

Nevertheless, it was around 2019 that I first noticed his discomfort when we went out for a drink.  As I documented in this previous post, there was one occasion when a woman commented on me as we left the bar.  On the same night in a later bar, a few tidy young women transparently placed themselves in our vicinity.  Around this similar timeframe (a few months earlier), there was another night when he pointed out a hot blonde haired girl at the other side of a pub.  At the risk of tooting my own horn, I saw this blonde checking me out.  I kind of think he saw this too.

The firm sign of alienation

Then came the late spring/early summer of 2021.  Restrictions had been lifted in terms of social gatherings, therefore little genuinely stood in the way of any potential get togethers.  I suggested going for a drink during a phone conversation, and his reluctance and reservation was all too obvious – stating he was still not confident in the social gathering aspect due to COVID numbers still being high.  This would have been fine and accepted by me, but the problem was he let it slip a few minutes earlier that he had regular Friday nights meeting up with his local neighbours/friends over recent weeks, and in the local pub.

Then he made this big thing about me inviting another close friend of mine (who my once best mate knew through me, but who was never even near to being a close friend of his) when we next meet up.  I found this somewhat strange, because he had not seen my other friend for a decade by now.  Further still, he had never held such a desire in the interim period within this decade.

Up until a few weeks ago, we had not even shared a conversation in over a year.  I can recall no more than half a dozen texts (during just one message phase) between us.  We always send each other a birthday card, but I half expected he would not send one this time.  My birthday came around, and as predicted no card came through the letterbox.  Not even a text message.  We were finished, as far as I could care by now.

Four days after my birthday, I heard a knock on the door after dark.  I went round to the back gate, to see him there with his daughter.  It was almost like he was using her as a hiding place, literally and proverbially.  I let them in through the front door, and he was there with a belated birthday card.  He made it clear early on that he could not stay more than a few minutes, although the conversation was amiable.  As he left and I again proposed a catch up, he once more felt the need for my other friend as referenced above to be there if we did.

What is the conclusion?

I can only give my honest opinion based on what I see, in addition to life experience in other interaction scenarios over many years.  I hate to say this, and I sincerely take no liking or pride out of it, but I place the main reason down to male physical inferiority complex of another man. 

An argument could be put to me along the lines of why would this be the case now if it were not the case as far back as our late teens and throughout our twenties?  Good question.  My honest answer to this would be that, as the responsibility of marriage and kids has naturally taken its toll on his physical appearance (although to be fair he still looks young for his age), I have developed and maintained my physical allure predominantly as by-product of a less stressed and low responsible to others lifestyle.  The physical gap in our late teens/early to mid-twenties, whilst noticeable, was most likely never significant in his eyes.  As the years have passed, the gap has become wider.  This gap has brought about discomfort on his part that enforces him to subconsciously (and maybe consciously) not want to be with me on his own.

Any other examples?

As I am conscious to not make this post any longer than it needs to be, I will not roll off another dozen examples that I could describe.  Instead, I offer you the tell-tale signs that cannot hide the perennial vision of one man being uncomfortable (which will mainly be due to his inferiority complex) with another man.

·       Extraordinarily little eye contact with the other man.

·       Body leaning at an angle away from the other man.

·       Transparent discomfort in body language when alone with the other man.

·       An obvious need to end any conversation as soon as possible with the other man.

·       No return questions, irrespective and despite the other man asking about his life.

·       A sudden burst of comfort and confidence when other men come into the close proximity and environment.

·       Ridicule towards the other man when other men are in the same real estate, yet no ridicule (or conversation in general) when just the two of them are together.

·       Awkward body language that is all to clear to interpret that he does not want to be in the same close area as the other man.

·       Spiteful looking face when together.  No smile or comfort when the other man is talking.

·       Only talking about himself.

·       Displeasure when the other man mentions something about his own life.

What about women in this dynamic?

Women follow a similar path to how all is described above in these scenarios.  In fact, as women place their greatest power in their physical beauty, if a man is better looking than her in gender relative terms then she is even more in discomfort, bitter and acrimonious than exampled inferiority complexed man. 

Regardless, what women do is to place every given effort to not put themselves in that irritable and distressing feeling or presence in the first place.  Based on the fact that they can usually choose where stand, sit or associate, in addition to many social environments being same-sexed, they can mitigate and eradicate any such awkwardness in the first place.  Further still, they can by and large choose which men they socialize with, and they can most certainly choose which men they become more intimate with.  By vast majority, they will choose men who make them feel better about life (hence, lesser looking men) in comparison to not choosing men who make them feel lesser about themselves (hence, better looking men).

Do not allow alienation to destroy you

Alienation can be a lonely place.  In a world where most people rely on social interaction, social reassurance and social acceptance, when other people are not forthcoming towards you, or worse still they are resistant and retracting when faced with your existence, you will have days when feel so alone that you question what life is really all about. 

The good news is that, even though people – women and men alike – follow a general trend in socio-psychological behaviour, there is still enough variation in human personality and character for said alienated man to live in the hope, and eventual knowledge, that a brighter day will one day be his.  It may take more screening for to find these people who are engaging and embracing of your uniqueness, and they will be at times awfully hard to locate, but there is enough of them out there, even in their small membership, to produce a better day.

When you do find these people, I can assure you that just one of them is worth a thousand of the jealous and disgruntled losers out there.  It is like a breath of fresh air, such is their rarity.  You enjoy talking to them so much that the other thousand idiots who do not like you become irrelevant and invisible as far as you are concerned.  You learn to spend more time on those who value you, and less, or no, time on those who resent you.  It probably has not always been that way if you are honest with yourself.  I certainly took a while myself to fathom who I should spend my time, money and love on.  I will be the first to admit that I did not always get this formula right.  I wish I could have that time again, but the next best thing is getting it right for today.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                      Your greatest lessons are a result of your biggest mistakes.  Your biggest mistakes will usually be high in naivety and low in life experience.  As you get older, the mistakes you make should decrease in greater numbers.  If you are still making the same mistakes in later life as you were when much younger, you are simply not taking note of your life patterns.

A final thought – alienation for women

It is only fair to balance out this alienation debate in considering whether women – in this respect the top end physically attractive women – face the same predicaments as the highest value men encounter.  There are similarities, with obvious variations.

From my experience, only a tiny percentage of men (men of all shapes, sizes, ages etc) hold a tendency to alienate the hottest women in the same or similar fashion to how women, as described earlier, alienate the most aesthetically gifted men.  Quite simply, men will generally suck up to and pedestalize hot women, whereas women by majority resent the existence of hot men. 

This miniature segment of men who do give the cold shoulder to beautiful women are men who have given up hope in ever being able to attain such a woman, and they try to disguise this frustration by stating words to the effect that she is too high maintenance or a gold digger.  In easy explanation, these men act this way because they have conceded they are not good enough to secure women at the high end of the sought after spectrum.

In terms of whether other (mainly mediocre or worse looking) women are inclined to alienate their much hotter female counterparts brings about a more complex description of events.  From where I have been standing all my life, it appears that most women do not refuse to be in the company of a much more attractive female acquaintance or friend.  Whilst this companionship may be insincere in association with concealed inner hatred and jealousy, you have to remember that women are obsessed with their social standing, and how socialising with another person can elevate their social proof and popularity.  Therefore, even if plain Jane or the fat/uglier woman has a natural dislike to the hotter woman’s visual attributes, she will use her hotter friend to elevate her own reputation.

Nevertheless, in fewer cases I have seen hot women being alienated, ridiculed, or attempted to be devalued by lesser looking women.  You can probably picture in your head the gobby (and often ugly) woman in the group.  With this said however, I have also seen it by women who may not even be that lesser looking than the woman they belittle. 

Whilst a clear part of this nasty attitude will be down to envy of another woman’s hotter blessings, it is no coincidence that a larger default towards this loathsome disposition is when another woman belongs to a much more desirable male partner.  You will find it hard to locate any factor out there in the world, in so far as illustrating female indignation and mean-spiritedness, as when one woman has to concede that another man is far more craved for by other women than the man she is with.

Sunday 17 September 2023

Are all relationships doomed for unhappiness?

 

“If you think before you start, you breath before you end.” 

 

This online viewpoint stood out like a sore thumb to me one day.

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Some couples are so deeply incompatible.

Their value systems, choice of free time activities, senses of humor, energy levels, sleep cycles, physical chemistry, interests and general demeanor all are on completely different planets.

You wonder how they ever got together. The obvious thing for them to do is break up.

But Nope.

They keep moving forward, move in, get married, have kids.

And get divorced 30 years later, 30 years too late.

They one day look in the mirror and realize that time is no longer their friend: they’ve lost to it and are lost in it.

Choose wisely, people. Or pave the long, bitter path of regret.

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By and large, the narrator of this all so common predicament is right.  Men and women are such different species and characters that, absent of the enjoyment of sex (yes, some women do enjoy sex with a small minority of men) and societal birth rate production system requirement, you could make a fair argument that the world would be a better place if a male and female landscape existed on entirely separate environments. 

This may sound harsh, lacking in romance, and cynical to a large extent, however I will stand by this until my dying day.  Do not get me wrong, a tiny and fortunate percentage of men and women are together, and last together, through sincere and uncontrollable love and compatibility, however these are the lucky, or more to the point extremely rare, people out there.

Why so different?

In truth, men and women have never been similar.  Men like sport, women like shopping.  Men like a stress free life, whilst women look for drama and problems.  Men are financially responsible, whilst women hold a belief that their male partner can grow money from his conifer trees.  Men have solid friendships, whilst women bad mouth people at will. 

The list could go on and on, and this was explained in much greater detail shortly after the inception of this blog.  In essence, it takes only the purest (and most likely, dishonest) advocators of love and relationships to lay down the argument that women and men genuinely need each other, outside of the two reasons I offered up top.

You could throw in another reason for a female and male bond, and this is to refrain from loneliness.  A sense of loneliness, to many people, could be perceived as a risk to mental health and potential suicide, therefore even an unhappy relationship is a better option than loneliness.  I would firmly disagree with this concept, because to me it is better to be alone and not lonely, than to be lonely but not alone.  The lights are on but there is nobody at home, so to speak.

The biggest contributor to unhappiness and resentment…

Men and women inevitably come to resent each other, and I go along with what the narrator alludes to in so far that marriage compounds this resentment and unhappiness.  Whilst the extremes of love and exhilaration with a member of the opposite sex on one side compared to distaste and bitterness on the other side is not a direct link to and consequence of marriage, the rigours of marriage (mainly financial oriented) allow an easier and quicker destination to the natural side of despair.

Nevertheless, and once more with marriage as the main fuel supplying the engine in this respect, I hold the firm opinion that the biggest contribution towards unhappiness and resentment to each other is as follows:

·       A man resents his female partner not being as physically attractive as when he met her.  Sometimes this resentment is a natural consequence of female ageing, to which he should hold greater compassion and understanding towards her, even if he still resents life for allowing it to happen.  Other times though it is down to her lack of effort and inclination to stay thin and as attractive as plausibility allows, and when this is the case, as often it is, his resentment can be justified to a larger degree.

·       A woman resents her male partner for not supplying her with the ‘Ken and Barbie’ fairy tale life that brings about a bigger house than they live in, much more disposable income than they attain, higher status cars than they own, and kids in better schools than they educate in.  When she sees her friends and female acquaintances apparently living a more successful life in this manner, her resentment towards said male partner who is not providing this, escalates further still.

In a nutshell, everything else to the above explanation is a mere side show.  Simply put, men desire their female partners to stay young, thin, and attractive for all of time, and women expect their male partners to supply things beyond their means in order to keep up a lifestyle that can be exploited to friends, family, colleagues, and on social media.  Neither factor is feasible, but neither party (in particular, women) are understanding of this reality.

Are there any answers to prevent eventual unhappiness?

I would love nothing more than to be the writer of a story with a happy ending, but hand on heart I am struggling to find one for couples in the modern era.  I think this applies even more so for couples who were born post 1990, where the materialistic and social media world has contributed heavily to a predicament that I do not wish to live in.

With this said, from a man’s perspective I can think of a couple of mitigations that would reduce eventual unhappiness and resentment of his better half. 

First, he could be up front and honest with his female partner that the live beyond his means and keep up with the Jones lifestyle makes him want to vomit, and it is not a life he wishes to ever be led down.  Whilst this approach is certainly not a bullet proof strategy, you will find more women than not will without hesitation depart from you if they hold desires for a man to provide her with this life.  If she stays, and on sincere terms, then she loves you for who you are, and not what you are.

Second, he can abstain from marriage.  A man cannot control a woman he is nailing getting pregnant, however to this day there is still no (western) law to state he must marry the woman he is with.  With this in mind, I go back to the age old phrase someone once told me.  That is, for as long as a woman is not married to a man, she still holds a motivation to be charming, and in association to stay as physically attractive as possible.  Once the wedding cake has been sliced, the incentive on her part has been lost for ever. 

A final thought

The ending the narrator documents is quite a sad one.  He is effectively saying that time is nobody’s friend, and time waits for no man.  If this is what he is saying, and I strongly suspect it is, then he is not half right about this.

It does not really make any difference if you got married or not, because there are very few (honest) people out there who can look at their life thirty years later and say that time did not go too fast.  I know I cannot.  You know when time is going too quick when a four year reoccurring event like the Olympics or World Cup comes around again, yet it only seems like two years since the last one, and not double this period as it is.  In essence, time is moving at twice the speed you can take it all in.

What you can control however is the decisions within your power.  Nobody forces you to get involved with the wrong woman in the first place.  Nobody forces you to remain with her, even if your penis says so, stay concurrent to your mind saying get the hell out.  Even if she does contrive a pregnancy, there is no law directing you have to stay with her especially if, deep down, you know she is not right for you.  There is certainly no obligation to get married, irrespective of the social network, family or society pressures that will inevitably dive your way.

You have one shot at life, and unless technology one day finds an unlikely way, you do not encounter your final days knowing you have the reassurance of doing it all over again.  Every day is a blessing, and the decisions you make decipher how blessed these days are.  Use them wisely, and at the same time let me leave you with this phrase:

“Marriage is like a series of opposing reflections, inverse images getting ever smaller like nesting dolls, each one of you trying to squeeze yourself smaller to fit inside the hopes of the other, until one of you cracks or stops existing.”