Tuesday, 19 January 2021

Women’s conundrum: To love thy man or to love thy self:

 

“Let the things you love be an escape.”

  

It is a topic that even I don’t go many days without asking myself.  The topic is both, one could argue, simplistic and complex to analyse in equal measures.  

Is the bigger priority for a woman to be passionately into the man she is with and place priority on the way she feels about him, or is the greater motivation to be with a man who makes her feel better about herself?  Of course, I know the answer in majority cases, but it is always worth exploring further. 

Rarely can a man, no matter who he is, satisfy both elements.  This previous post, in my humble opinion, did a reasonable attempt to illustrate how women will prioritize when choosing their male partners.   

First, allow me to distinguish between the two:

1)    The woman led by her heart

A woman led by her heart is a woman who chooses a man based on her sexual inclinations and who makes her heart beat faster in the thought of seeing him.  Her ego, trust, insecurity and self-conscious issues are put to one side in preference for the passion, positive emotions and feeling alive internal feedback loop that he brings to her existence. 

These men will nearly always belong to the high spectrum of male physical attractiveness.  Nevertheless, this doesn’t always mean that the man is as or more physically attractive than said woman.  For example, an 8.5/10 woman could feel this way with an 8/10 man (although you will rarely see an 8.5/10 woman with an 8/10 man).

As much as movies and TV programmes can stray from reality, the one consistent truth they do come up with is the way they are written to emphasize how a woman deep down desires the man who captures her heart and makes her feel alive.  What movies do not do, very well or often, is finalize how woman essentially choose a man based on other emotions.

It is important to clarify that these women, in general terms, make up a maximum 20% of the female population.

2)    The woman led by her ego

A woman led by her ego is effectively the polar opposite of woman 1.  Her bigger motives are to satisfy her ego and self-importance.  She tries to cloud over her low confidence, high insecurity and high self-consciousness by being with lower sought-after men than she could actually be with.  In essence, her objective is to feel better about herself over and above the passion and sexual thoughts she attains which are projected onto other men who arouse her more.

The men she finds herself with (granted, some women will occasionally have one spell acting as woman 1 just to almost convince herself she isn’t as weak as she knows she is) will be lesser looking than her.  The greater the physical attractiveness disparity between the two, the more she epitomizes being this woman. 

On a large percentage basis, this man isn’t only isolated in being less physically attractive than her.  She will often pick out a man, in conjunction with his lesser looks, who is also not breaking any barriers in terms of profession, social status or confidence/attitude.  Why?  This is because she needs a man to idolize her, kiss her rosy ass, and worship the ground she walks on.  A man who has less to offer women – both in visual and non-visual terms – is far more likely to perform this lapdog male delivery.

Of course, women aren’t aroused by these men – either in physical or other male offering capacity – because deep down in their honest and natural veins, a woman craves to be with a man who other women find extremely attractive and appealing.  In her innate make-up, she wants to fight amongst other women and, in the end, be the one who captures him.  

Unfortunately, this woman goes against her natural and inborn passions to ultimately replace it with feeling better about herself.  At best, she can be content.  At worst and usually, she will resent him over time and find a way to leave him should a better opportunity come along.

These women represent at least 80% of the female population.

Caveats to above

There are always exceptions to the rule, and in this case, there are worthwhile caveats or nuances to explain.

·       Women between the age of 16 to 23 will exist in larger percentage terms (I’d estimate a +20% to woman 1 as shown above, therefore the majority still belong to woman 2) to woman 1 compartment.  This is because women at a younger age place greater emphasis on male hotness, and at that age male hotness acts as a more magnified degree of high male social status than it does in relation to when women (and men) get older.

·       Women between the age of 24 to 32 most reflect the lower range percentage illustrations given above – therefore 10% being woman 1, and 90% being woman 2.  Women between these ages are the most likely in holding predilections to be with man who is less physically attractive than her, although it is only fair to say that at between this age bracket women are also at their highest in respect to their demands and expectations from men (hence mainly what he can provide for her on a monetary and assets basis).

·       Women post 32, in particular divorcees or/and women who have become bored performing the role as woman 2, will belong to woman 1 status in a greater percentage level than her former self aged between 24 and 32.  For one, women’s egos and expectations have usually hit some form of reality at this age, and they aren’t seeking out the uglier man who has can provide her with the big house and car etc.  Second, women have become so bored in being with a man who doesn’t (and most likely never did) turn her heart and sexual impulses on that she now, even if only for a short timeframe, wants a bit of rough and ready who makes her feel like living once more.  Third, as many of these women will have already experienced the wedding day and motherhood, they have less to lose by being unfaithful and not following their hearts.  With all this in mind, women post 32 can pretty much be split 50/50. 

A final thought

It is important to point out that most women have no choice but to carry out being woman 2, irrespective of what her choice is, because most women aren’t physically attractive enough to attract the low percentage (<10%) of men who can perform the role that satisfies woman.  Nevertheless, there are still at least 50 times as many women who could attract these men than men who exist (in other words, there are >5 times more hot women and >50 times more cute women than every one of these men), but this isn’t common to women who take this opportunity.  In numbers terms, if there are 5 hot woman and 50 cute women for every one man who flutters their heart, there may only be 5 (out of the 55) women who are willing to put their heart ahead of their ego.

On this basis, it equates to twice as many of these men on the market than hot women who would be prepared to give said hot man a chance.  Most of these hot women – even if willing – will already have boyfriends they will stay loyal to.  This goes a long way to explain why you rarely see a hot man walking hand in hand with a hot woman.

Furthermore, it exemplifies why most of the best-looking men are either (mainly) single or (less so) with cute women as opposed to hot women.

Q-tip:

A woman’s ego and heart/sexual impulses act as an opposing force in a simultaneous life.  When one is satisfied, the other is left in disappointment.  More often than not, the heart is the item left disappointed. 

 

Wednesday, 13 January 2021

Women’s loyalty levels

 

“Some people aren’t loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. 

Once their needs change, so does their loyalty.”

  

I’m sure we all have our stories on this particular topic.  I have a more than a few I could example, but one particular scenario stands out more than any other.

The background

Throughout my peak social outing life during my late teens to early twenties, I belonged to a circle of approximately fifteen male friends who would regularly meet up at least a couple of times a week.  It wasn’t always the fifteen at once of course, as girlfriends or sexual opportunities came and went for most of us.

Even when most of us went our separate ways around the country for University studies, a good number of us would still come back to Derby for big events – mainly being the 21st birthday celebrations.  After all, you are only 21 once.  It is only fair to say however that, just like women, men also differ to a good degree in their loyalty and dedication to male friendship.

The unlucky friend

One of the men didn’t have a bundle of luck or experience with women by the time his 20th birthday came along.  He was neither the best looking nor the ugliest, and he had a decent amount of personality in relativity for that age, but he did seem to lack an understanding and courage to interact with women generally.

Nevertheless, about a year before his 21st birthday he did meet a woman who seemed to like him a lot.  She wasn’t the best looking at all, in fact she was fact less physically attractive than him in gender relative terms.  With all that said, he seemed happy that someone had finally took to him.

We didn’t see him as much during the year that led up to his 21st birthday, as his girlfriend was diagnosed with a serious but recoverable cancer illness.  A lot of his time, naturally, was taken up in seeing her and supporting her rehabilitation.  I was on the same course as him at University, and he barely turned up to a seminar or lecture during that time.  A few of us had heard that her appreciation of his support was limited at best, but as someone who has gone through rigorous chemotherapy treatment too, I can in retrospect relate to how your mind plays tricks with you in not acting your true self.

He did manage to get out for his 21st birthday though.  He was a big drinker, and no matter how many drinks he consumed, it appeared he was just not getting drunk.  However, about 1am he went missing from the nightclub.  We all just thought he had made a sly exit in not desiring to be away from his girlfriend for too long.

As we left the nightclub and made our way to the curry house, from a distance we could see someone trying to hold himself up by a telephone box.  As we walked closer, we realized it was him.  He was totally smashed!  About five minutes later his girlfriend turned up in a car with her mum, and she went crazy in calling him shameful, disgraceful and embarrassing, with a few obscenities thrown in there just for good measure.

From memory, her treatment finished a couple of months after that night.  I remember him telling some of us how she had changed as a person, and that she barely wanted to see him in spite of all is efforts and love towards her.  Not long after her full recovery and path back to a normal life, she finished with him.

Women’s lack of loyalty

A first hand anecdote that I will share came in the form of an ex-girlfriend who told me her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her.  During her heartbreak, she also added that her best friend was nowhere to be seen in her time of need – in being wrapped up in her own life and new boyfriend – so she needed to confide in her sister-in-law as the main support network. 

Her sister-in-law was much different in character and look to my then girlfriend and her best friend.  Whilst my then girlfriend and her best friend were very much girl’s girls who liked to go out a lot, do themselves up, and spend money on materialistic things, her sister-in-law was much more of a homely girl (she got married in her early twenties) and, whilst not unattractive, had far more motivation to please her husband than to stroke her own ego.

Nevertheless, as time passed and my then girlfriend got back in touch with her best friend after a year of none speaking or contact terms, her need for her sister-in-law became less and her motive to build back bridges with her best friend increased.  Not coincidentally, pretty much every time I went round to see her, she was on the phone to her best friend, laughing and joking but sometimes also trying to make out the conversation needed to be in private.

Q-tip 1:

A woman will try to put thoughts in her boyfriend’s head that other men are interested in her, and many women will also go a step further to try and convince her boyfriend she is playing away (and of course then denying such accusations).  This is simply all part of a woman’s uncontrollable mechanism to send herself to the moon in attempts to raise her self-importance, popularity and perceived sought after level.  More often than not, this act is fiction rather than reality. 

As the boyfriend, treat this as a win-win situation.  If she is trying to get you jealous through fictitious hints, then it is only because she is fully into you and knows your value to other women.  If she is (on rarer occasions) genuinely looking for extrapair fornications, she has just given you a free passport to do the same with other women.

So in respect to my then girlfriend, the message is clear.  Her loyalty held no substance or relevance to who was there to support her in her time of need, and it was only down to convenience and timing.  Once her sister-in-law had served her duty and purpose, she went happily running back to the disloyal, unsupportive and self-centred best friend.

Q-tip 2:

Women don’t base their life on loyalty, they base their life on opportunity, self-agenda and what benefits them at the time.  Loyalty plays very little part in any woman’s psychological and consideration make-up. 

A final thought

If you are a man currently in a steady relationship where you genuinely believe your female partner appreciates all you do for her, I advise you to tread carefully and always expect the unexpected.  If you are a man who can relate to the above in your recent or not so recent relationship history, what I have written will likely come as no surprise.

Women are born to seize opportunism, chance, maximum benefit, and survival tactics.  When you have been dumped and heartbroken by her despite all your efforts to make her happy and be the best man you can be towards her, sometimes even in replacement for an objectively lower quality man, a lack of experience with women can leave you with a head even achier than your heart.  If you don’t understand women, the hurt is twice as hard.

When you do understand women, you can almost second guess what they are going to do based on an array of past experience.  You simply just move onto the next one, in most likely expecting something not dissimilar once more.  The trend isn’t so much cyclical, as much as constant and consistent.

And every now and again you may just meet a woman who is honest, genuine, loyal and faithful rolled into one.  It isn’t that these women don’t exist, it is just that they exist in far, far smaller numbers than what was never in abundant numbers in the past in any case.

Bonne chance….

Monday, 14 December 2020

How to hurt less from women’s games

 

“When you’re a kid, all you want to do is play.  When you’re an adolescent, the wrong games you play can be forgiven.  When you’re an adult, surely those games have become old?” 

 

In an ideal world, a man will meet a woman he likes who is so genuine, honest, moral and mentally mature that there will be no need to understand what goes through her mind and why she acts the way she acts.  Unfortunately, the world is not ideal.

There won’t be an honest man in the western world who has not been hurt by a woman.  If, by the smallest chance there is, it will only be because he has set his standards so low in terms of sought-after women that he cannot be hurt such is the apathy he attained from the start.  So to reiterate, >99% of men will have been emotionally hurt by a woman or women in some way, shape or form.

The usual scenario 

The most common form of a woman hurting a man is actually prior to them becoming too heavily involved.  I find, from both personal experience and general knowledge, that once a woman has slept with a man, she has invested in him to a point where she either loves him or is falling in love with him.  I predict that in nine cases out of ten, a woman has already fallen in love with a man when she has decided to sleep with him.  Even if a woman entertains a one-night stand with a man, there will still be a significant amount of emotional investment placed on her part.

Therefore, the usual situation where a woman hurts a man is when they are in the early stages of dating.  This can be weeks or months – depending on how naïve and forgiving a man is before he kicks her into touch due to her lack of interest – but it is an easy mistake to make when you are younger.  The reason this is a very forgivable mistake for a man to make is because, absence of experience with many women, all the signs in the early stages are bright.  It appears she has shown interest, she texts back in nice fashion, she accepts his invitations of dates, and all appears rosy in the garden.

The problem is women are far different to men in the way they think during the early days and weeks.  As stated before, a man only needs to find a woman physically attractive and (and sometimes not) enjoyable company in order to progress and try to move things on.  A woman, on the other hand, will have based her early interest on differing emotions such as the enjoyment and validation of attention she receives from him.  Quite often, the woman in this dynamic will hold no intention whatsoever to become seriously involved with him.

Caveat to above:

The higher you go up the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more likely and common the explanation above runs true.  The lower you go down the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more common it is for said woman to not play this game, and in fact she may border on being too keen. 

Ultimately, the more options a woman attains and the more attention she receives from men (whether directly or indirectly), the more prominent she is to play silly games that emotionally moves a man in a negative mental state. 

Q-tip 1:

Kind of obvious to say but important to clarify, the better looking a woman is, the more likely she is to play games.

Blowing hot and cold

The irony is that, from my experience once more, women can become cold on the back of their, so to speak, hottest moment.  For example, she may have been moderate in her enthusiasm throughout the early exchanges, and then she blasts you with words that would seemingly radiate the most interest she has shown from the start.  It’s an easy mistake for a man to think it is all a clear runway from here on in, but then poof, it can be followed by a spell of total disinterest from her.

Here are just a few signs any smart man will pick up on when her interest starts to waver:

·       Cold spell after a hot sign (as explained above)

·       Disappearing acts for days

·       Sex withdrawal (should you be at that stage)

·       Silence when together

·       Cryptic comments

·       Claiming (hence lying) she is so busy that she forgot to contact

·       Crying for no reason during conversation

·       Frequent moodiness when with you

·       Blaming things on you for not understanding or not knowing what is wrong

·       Broadcasting the accolades of her friend’s boyfriends

·       Signs that she is listening to her female (and some lapdog male) advice over your view

·       Spending less time with you and more with her external interest parties

The above list is not exhaustive, but it will cover most of what a man will go through.  I’d hedge a fair bet any man can relate to this.

Why is this the case?

Why, after such a positive sign, can things turn south at a sound of a heartbeat?  The easiest explanation would be to use a car journey analogy.  A man will hold predilection to drive at a constant speed to reach his destination.  There may not be too many exhilarating moments in that journey, but equally he will not be at risk of crashing or inflicting pain on his passengers.  Conversely, a woman will drive the car far more recklessly with far less fear to the consequences and who she may hurt in the passenger or back seats.  Her greatest concern is her own inner required feelings.  There will be huge highs on that journey, but, most likely when it happens, there will be tears when the car is written off and people are injured.

Still follow me?  In easier language, men prefer a steady, consistent, predictable and routine life that can be planned with as little stress and drama as possible.  Women, on the total opposite extreme, feel their life is worth living when they are either at the top or the bottom of the rollercoaster.  They have their most pleasurable moments when either their existence appears so important, popular, busy, fast paced and dramatic, or when it is in despair, pain, victimisation, stress and depression.

So if you do experience the extreme cold spell subsequent to the enriching hot moment, know it is because she never quite knows which side of the coin she wants the toss to land on.

How to hurt less from women’s games

Once you know how women will act - which can only be a by-product of understanding the female emotional make-up and psychology – you stop being surprised when things turn out the way they do.  You half expect it, and if they don’t play games or have hot-cold (or similar behavioural traits) moments, you actually start to worry even more.  When something appears too good to be true, it’s probably because it is too good to be true.

At this juncture, when you concurrently understand what women are like, how they will act, and never being surprised in how they will be or deliver, the hurt becomes less and less.  Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m far more experienced with women than the average man, and as a writer of a blog on this subject I pretty much have the theory nailed on, but I’ll still be the first to admit that I’m not immune from preventing women taking up my energy in the way they act.  I’m only human, and when all said and done, I’m a sensitive and quite fundamental emotional guy.  It is only astuteness and life experience which has negated these innate characteristics.

A final thought

It would be a prudent question to ask whether women take pleasure out of men getting hurt, stressed, depressed and bewildered over the games they play.  By and large, I don’t think the vast majority of women do.  I’m quite sure most women don’t go to bed at night and say to themselves: “You go girl, you hurt that rat bastard as far as you can.” 

The reason I’m convinced women do act this way is, as alluded heavily to earlier, they are obsessed with how the world sees and perceives them, in conjunction with how important and popular they are to their watching direct and indirect networks.  Therefore, a woman subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) knowing she is stressing a man out with her games is a happier woman because she sees this expenditure, endeavour, stress, exertion, pain and hurt on his part as a symbol of her popularity and importance.  It isn’t because she holds strong desires to hurt him, per se.

Q-tip 2:

Play women at their own game.  If she backs off, don’t chase her.  If she acts like a bitch, you act like a jerk.  Is she disappears, you go off the face of the earth too.  If she is seeing or in touch with other men, you do likewise with other women.  If she calls you out, stand up to her and give her more verbal (but controlled) aggression back in return.  If she doesn’t ask you about yourself, ask her nothing back until she does.  If her interest in the two of you is wavering, waver yourself from the environment as well.

And when she does act nice, pleasant, amiable, genuine, honest and consistent, reward her with the applicable measures in return.

Wednesday, 9 December 2020

Early days psychology, comprehension, and acceptance

 

“You only die once, but you live life every day.”

  

Any honest single and uncommitted man would confess that 2020 has been, to say the least, a tough year on his romantic, sexual and dating experience.  If you follow the lockdown measures, you can’t even invite a woman back to your place.  If you don’t follow the measures, you then have the task of finding a woman not wearing a mask or who doesn’t think you are a COVID alien trying to inflict the disease onto her.

I’m a great believer, in any walk of life, that if your days become tough then the first and most important protocol is to accept this is the case.  This is closely followed by then toughening up (even after a few days feeling sorry for yourself), taking life less seriously, valuing the time you have been given on this planet and the time you have left, and doing something to mitigate and eradicate the black clouds you currently walk under.  Nobody is going to do it for you.

Some men just can’t accept and admit they are going through a barren spell with women.  I guess it’s an ego thing that he worries what his friends will think of his existential celibacy.  I have a mate who is clearly single, and he recently sent a picture on our WhatsApp group of his new ‘girlfriend’.  I immediately, partly innocently but also partly smelling a rat, messaged that she looked incredibly like a woman I’d seen on a TV programme many years ago.  One of the other men in the group then backed this up by stating the picture of this woman was a dead ringer for an actress in a current soap opera.  The mate in question claimed it just looked like her, but you could put two and two together and pretty much get four and a fraction that he has used this actress as his mysterious girlfriend. 

Again, there is no shame in facing up to dry spells with women.  There will be a high percentage of committed and married men having very little more sex than that (hence, little more than nothing).

 The meeting

Last Sunday morning I caught a woman checking me out in the gym.  Without getting a close look at her face, from a distance she was pretty much my type.  Although two or three inches taller than my ideal female height, her long straight brown hair, pale complexion and slim/curvy figure was enough to motivate further analysis.  She also looked a bit familiar, and I’d place a few quid on her seeing me before and recognizing me straight away.  It turns out we both went to the same previous gym last year.

After I had finished my chest workout, I put down a mat to do some abs training a few metres away from her.  It didn’t help that she was wearing those oversized headphones, and every time she walked to pick up a new piece of equipment she started talking to a mouthpiece.  For the record, I straight away thought she was talking to nobody at the end of the phone.  The conversation just didn’t seem a natural flow, and it was too much of a coincidence that the other ‘person’ was on the phone when she wasn’t working out per se.

Q-tip 1:

Because women are constantly obsessed and worried about their self-importance and popularity, they will often make up conversations on their phone or pretend they are texting (or irrelevantly texting) someone.  This is also to ease their low confidence levels in having to make eye contact with a stranger walking past them.

It’s never easy approaching a woman with big headphones on.  I’ve done it on more than a few occasions, and sometimes they don’t even look at me in most likely claiming (or lying) that all they are zoned in to is the music.  However, as on this instance another woman went up to her in stating she wasn’t permitted to throw a medicine ball against the wall, she was forced to take the headphones off.  This allowed me to start with an easy opener in asking if the other woman had told her off.

Straight away I could sense she had desires to talk.  She was enjoyable to talk to, quite articulate, and seemingly from a similar social class level to me.  After about ten minutes I said I had to crack on, but I suggested grabbing a coffee when things reopened.  She took my number. 

I had previously asked her if she had a boyfriend.  It was only retrospectively that I thought her pause and then answer of “No” was a little hesitant and with ambiguity.  It was also only in hindsight that it fathomed on me that she never asked one question about myself.

Q-tip 2:

There are three main reasons a woman wouldn’t ask a man any questions.  First, she is so wrapped up in her own life that she doesn’t hold any inclination to talk about anything but herself.  Second, she just isn’t romantically or sexually interested in the man in the slightest, so she just uses the conversation to talk about her own life.  Third, she is so intimidated and placed in an inferiority complex beside him that she doesn’t want to know anything about him that may produce an answer to make her feel even more inferior.

Nevertheless, she did text me less than an hour after we spoke.  However, for three days her texts were very brief and intermittent.  She only asked me one question throughout (which was printed as “you?”).  Actually, she asked me one more question, but that was only to lead to answer about herself.  The best it ever reached was when she agreed to go on a brunch date.  In her short answers there were a lot of “Ahahaha”, yet most of the time I was barely being funny.  I’m the first to admit I’m not that funny a person.  Basically, it was all about her, but with little effort or enthusiasm in her texts. 

The general psychology and strategy of text game, without getting into the intricacy, is to keep your messages no longer than the woman’s messages at the other end.  You should also text no sooner in timeframe than when she replied to you.  Let me tell you, whilst I kept my game tight, it was near on impossible to text in any shorter form.

The possibilities

As I have documented on this blog before, a man’s tight game and effective psychological strategy with women does help, but it can’t prevent mitigating circumstances that live in the life of the one at the other end.  In other words, if a woman has something going on in her life that interferes the path between the two of you, or if she has some voice going on in her head that has negativity of some nature towards being with you, there is next to nothing that game can do.  Game helps, but it can only take you so far.

These are the possibilities I have come up with:

1)    She still has some involvement with another man.  This could be an ex-boyfriend or someone she is/was casually seeing.  Even if you, as the new pursuer, are of higher quality and a better overall catch, women who are already involved with a guy, providing she is into him, tend to stay on that path until they become totally bored or he has nothing left to offer.

2)    She is just totally not attracted to me – whether physically, emotionally or in compatibility terms – at all.  If this is the case, I must have totally read the signs wrong pre meeting.

3)    She is in fact very attracted to me, to the point where it goes beyond productivity.  I know a lot of men fail to grasp or accept this explanation (most likely because they have never experienced it themselves), but a woman can be 100% physically attracted to a man, and she can in addition enjoy his personality and know he is a good catch, but she still concurrently feels somewhat inadequate alongside him.  She may believe she doesn’t match up to the past girlfriends he had.

4)    On the back of 3), whilst she is into me, she is a woman who has an ego that enforces her to show less endeavour, interest, and romantic pursuit than the man she is in contact with.  These kinds of women are by no means rare, and are far more common than women who are forthcoming in this respect.

5)    Her friends have given advice to not pursue, stating she doesn’t know enough about me.  If her friends are with mediocre looking boyfriends, don’t rule this advice out based on their own agendas and jealous motivations.

6)    She just finds me good to look at, but when push comes to shove, deep down she knows I’m not the kind of guy she would date. 

7)    She just uses me as a bit of short-term attention and validation.  The more guys (and people generally) that message her, the more important she feels.  In essence, I was just something for her ego.

I could come up with other reasons, but the above will be the most likely.  If I was a betting man, and I’m not, I’d confidently say it is a combination of 1) and 3).  You could throw in a couple of teaspoons of 5) and 6) to the recipe too. If 1) was in fact not the case, and I think it is, then it would be a combination of 3) and 4).

From here on in…

I’ve particularly produced this post, not to talk about myself, but in knowledge that many men will have, and will continue to do so, experienced scenarios just like this.  When a man is attracted to a woman, it is generally her game to lose.  In other words, outside of catastrophic wrongdoings, he will venture on with her if he finds her bangable and personable.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work in the same way with regards to the gender inverse dynamic. 

With this in mind, the last text I received from her was a one liner about (of course) herself and that she was back into the gym routine.  This answer was based on my previous question to her.  My last text, and it most likely will be the last dialogue between us was:

“Me too! X”

Effectively, this has done a few things. 

·       It may make her ask a few questions about her own efforts in all this.  Highly unlikely though, such is the female mentality in being faultless and to never question their own integrity.

·       It was the shortest, hence most apathetic, message I could pretty much come up with.  Two can play at that game…

·       It intimates at me saying (sarcastically) – “Thanks for asking if I’m back at the gym too!”

In essence, this has boxed her into a corner and leaves me with a win-win situation.  I don’t think she will reply now, as it will mean her instigating conversation which is clearly not in her nature or inclination.  So if she doesn’t reply, I will know for good she is not interested (irrespective of the main reason), go my separate way, and not waste any more time on this.  If she does reply, it will be on better terms than just replying to a question.  At that stage, I will reconsider in a form of proverbially not cutting my nose to spike my face. 

Q-tip 3:

When you can sense a woman you are hunting down slipping out your grasp with her undeniable acts of lies, apathy, distancing and lack of effort, the only solution for a man is to back off.  Don't make any more contact.  Although this by no means works every time, it is amazing how many women then make contact once they realize he is no longer coming back.

Q-tip 4:

Be disappointed with women, but never be surprised.  When you stop being surprised, you ultimately become less pissed off and see them easier for who they are.

Sunday, 29 November 2020

Screening for lying women

 

“Is it better to do a bad thing to suit others over a good thing to suit yourself?”

 

In truth, in this day and age detecting a female liar shouldn’t be a hard task such is the fact that the majority (in my opinion this is a large majority) of women lie on a constant basis.  It’s just an issue that is disregarded due to the modern day brainwashing that convinces the wider audience and public that women never lie, and consequently they only “fib” to benefit others such is their warm hearts.  To elaborate, the hypnotized consensus is in fact men who are the lying, cheating and generally rotten gender out there.

The story background

A couple of weeks ago a woman connected with me on LinkedIn, with the connection request instigated by her.  I, to my knowledge, had never met her or was aware of her name from previous endeavours.  As much as profile pictures online can be misleading to a point – hence people show their best look possible – her profile picture was one of a very physically attractive woman.

The following day I accepted her connection request and subsequently took a quick look at her company details.  She was the Director of this company, although judging by the website it was a very small company with limited numbers of employees.  I consequently sent her a message, in addition to my number for her to get in touch, stating there could be a link where both her company and I could benefit in future dealings.  This was/is more than a possibility, however I’ll be the first to admit that her hot profile picture was an equal motivation in my resulting proactivity. 

I suggested that we met for a coffee to discuss further once lockdown in England was relaxed.  As I had viewed her educational and professional background in ascertaining she had attained a clear knowledge of the German language, I wrote a few sentences in this language as part of an ice breaker. She came back to me less than an hour later (with some German), stating words to the effect that whilst she would be keen to meet for a coffee in normal circumstances (most likely her first lie), could we settle for an online virtual meeting?  I replied by saying that would be fine, expecting her to not take it any further.

A couple of days later she sent me a message in asking when I could squeeze a virtual meeting in.  I replied in the way of the days that were not convenient, and she proposed the following Thursday (nearly two weeks from her original connection).  A few days passed without contact, therefore once more I assumed she had disregarded the reality of this meeting, however three days prior to the meeting she sent across a meeting invite with a direct link.  I replied in thanking her for the email/invite.

Research on her

Well within my rights and thorough and advisable in professional terms, I took a few minutes not long after her meeting invite to seek some information on this company.  Naturally there is only so much you can acquire from company online source, however it appeared that there were two directors of this company – her and another man.  Their registered company address was a small flat in a dodgy part of Derby.  Putting two and two together and most likely equating fourish, the logical assumption is they are both business and romantic partners, living in a flat together.

I then further looked at her LinkedIn profile.  It appeared she was well educated, and based on her University graduation year, she would be 24 in age.  What did strike out, considering her very young age in an overall career perspective, was the array of jobs she had partaken in such a small timeframe.  Most of the roles documented were her as an employee of other companies, with this being her first director or company owner position.

Meeting day

Along came the day of the meeting.  I logged on about ten minutes prior to the scheduled start, and the screen message came up as “Waiting for the meeting host to arrive” (or to that effect).  I waited until fifteen minutes after the start time, and then gave up and logged off.  Essentially, she didn’t turn up.

It was no real skin off my nose, as it’s not like I’m up to much during lockdown measures.  I remember thinking to myself that I’d give her a 51% chance of turning up – hence giving her the benefit of the doubt she would – but I wouldn’t fall off my seat if she did not.  So when she flaked without notice, it was disappointment but not surprise.

The aftermath

The following day I sent her this message:

Well that wasn't very professional of you yesterday was it?

She replied a few hours later:

“I usually wait no more than 10 minutes for a virtual meeting for the attendee to show up. if they don’t show up or contact me to say they’re late I don’t tend to sit around and wait or spend time to chase them up. I think that’s reasonably fair.

The following morning, I replied:

“Well all I can say (on my late Father's life) is that I logged onto your meeting invite at least five minutes prior to 2pm, and it showed the message of waiting for the host to arrive (to that effect).  I waited until 2.15pm.  So if you are telling the truth and it was a technical issue, I sincerely apologize.

The fact she never came back to this message tells its own story.  If she had nothing to hide, she would have either of:

1)    Accepted my apology and said it’s one of those things.

2)    Been more hostile in her approach, confirming she did attend, and does not appreciate being implied as a liar.

Q-tip:

When a man has the cojones to call out a woman on her lies and bullshit, a woman will usually hide for the trenches.  Less common, but far from uncommon, is for a woman to become irrational and delusional, and get on the attack in blaming the man for calling her a liar (whether she is lying or not, which by clear majority she is).  The reason most women have no idea in how to handle being called out on their lies, is simply because we live in a world of weak men who aren’t ballsy enough to stand up to female misdemeanours, such is the fear that they (the men) cannot do any better and his woman will leave him if he doesn’t act in an accordance that makes her look and feel a human being with full integrity and morals.

The non-professional dynamic between her and me

If I was a betting man, and I’m not, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, my guess is she did a bit of looking up on my background.  In fact, I know she looked on my LinkedIn profile due to the viewed confirmation one receives.  If she looked at my Facebook profile pictures, and I’d hedge without proof that she did, she would have seen me in more aesthetic form.

Judging by the pictures I saw of her partner, it wouldn’t take more than two eyes to tell you I’m considerably more pleasing on the eye than him.  Add on the natural boredom factor any man or woman incurs when they are romantically involved with a member of the opposite sex for a prolonged period of time, and add on a bit of obvious plausibly denied flirty online chat I made, and my existence made her feel uncomfortable.

So in essence, her professional mind swayed towards what could be in it for her, but her personal mind manifested to feelings she wasn’t at ease with.  Post meeting day, whilst I’m sure she respects a man for calling her out for lying and not turning up, a woman like her wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole now.  A woman’s biggest fear is of a man who can see through her mask and lies, such is the rarity this occurs in her life due to the hoards of naïve, passive, unchallenging, accommodating, gullible, desperate, willing and weak men at her disposal.

A final thought

Women lying has become so part of their daily routine that it almost appears they have no remorse whatsoever in doing so.  If they are all at it, why should they feel guilty one iota?  Has this world become so competitive and a battle of survival that it is even promoted to lie in order to make ends meat and feel better about yourself?

Do women consciously lie, or is it simply a subconscious mechanism derived from their pride, ego, and non-accountable mentality of any wrongdoing?  For once, I act a little more on the compassionate side in believing it falls somewhere between the two.  Whilst I firmly believe some women do consciously lie on a regular basis without an ounce of contrition by living such a delusional life to think wrong is right, a larger share of women try to intricately work around the lies they tell.  In other words, whilst these women are most likely aware at the back of their minds they aren’t telling the truth, they will dress up a main lie with elements of the truth that allow them to feel less of a liar and that bit more moral. 

In effect, this subtle lying strategy isn’t much better than blatant female liars, although from my experience these kinds of women do tend to be “nicer” people than their conscious lying female counterparts.  I find these strategic female liars, if you will, are often women who are in need to feed their egos and feel better about themselves – to compensate for their lack of natural confidence and self-belief – therefore they will fabricate stories, mixed with fibs, in order to not get washed away in a fountain of self-doubts that real life constantly throws at them.

A final, final thought

Going back to the woman in this anecdote, she had been in more jobs in her career than I had in a career that spans more than ten years longer.  As someone who has been made redundant four times, I’m reserved and reluctant to criticize due to knowing how losing a job can often be bad luck and out of someone’s control, but with her my best guess is it goes far deeper than this misfortune possibility.

A few years ago, I dated a woman for about six months who appeared to have been in more jobs than years to her life (she was 27!).  It’s no coincidence that she was never satisfied with anything I, or life, supplied for her.  It was as if life owed her something more than she could objectively offer. 

I think a woman who is always expecting in life beyond what reality can bring her is often a woman who will have been in more jobs than the average person.  Second to this is a woman who just cannot get on with people.  They always move on in thinking something or someone will offer them more than the last one.  Sometimes this will be the case.  Often it won’t be.

Tuesday, 27 October 2020

COVID-19 winners and losers in relationships

 

“It’s only when the tide goes out that you learn who has been swimming naked.”

(Warren Buffett)

 

I doubt many of us wouldn’t have expected to still be in the same, if not worse, predicament now as in comparison to the early part of this year.  Whether it be on health, psychological or economic spectrums, there aren’t any current signs of a brighter day post COVID-19 implications.

I certainly have not been immune to all this.  Whilst I still have scepticism on the whole statistics side, I guess when hospitals are crowded and coronavirus case numbers are increasing, the whole pandemic cannot be disregarded no matter how cynical a person one may be.  I still find it strange that, in spite of attaining a fairly large network of people within my working and personal groups, I don’t know of one person who has been inflicted by the virus.  I barely know of any on a second hand basis too.

Psychologically, I have sailed through all this, although I know many who have struggled.  When the sun is shining and you aren’t suffocated in seeing your wife and kids too much (as I’m not, due to owning neither), it’s easier for the long days to pass.  The winter will be more testing to many though, including myself.

Economically, it has been a mixed bag.  My financial portfolio is bizarrely at an all time high (mainly due to financial stimulus being bumped into corporate greed once more), yet this positive strike is somewhat negated by now effectively being unemployed due to the business I worked for going insolvent.  I’m in the company of tens of millions more around the world in losing their jobs.

The winners and losers in relationships

When I published this post back in March, my prediction was this would lead to a favourable consequence for beta males who are willing in commitment and provision.  Look forward six months or so, I think this was now a conservative view.  It is an incredible time for these men if they make the right steps.

As always, any circumstance brings about winners and losers.  I’ll cover the main two from each side:

Winner 1 - Beta Male / Nice Guys

Basically, these men have had a spring and summer like no other.  As I documented in this post amongst other snippets, in normal times a lot of these men will be dumped by women shortly after Valentines Day in order for them (women) to pursue edgier men and fun times with the girls on nights out and holidays.  But this has been no ordinary year.

What COVID-19 has produced - with its associated lockdown measures, social venue restrictions and limited travel – is a greater necessity for women to stay with men they perhaps are indifferent with and men they would have ordinarily moved on from.  A greater need for boyfriend companionship and validation has arisen from this mess we are found in, and this will be all the more applicable the smaller the city/town population.  When not as many female friends are venturing out, more women will choose for boyfriend time.

Winner 2 – Homely Girls

Homely girls – often cute girls ranging from 6.5/10 to 7.5/10 in physical attractiveness – are by no mean coincidence usually found with your typical average looking beta male.  The two kind of go hand in hand.  Homely girls aren’t too fond on socializing with female friends and they have a stronger need for boyfriend validation than their hotter female counterparts, whilst nice guys gain through securing these women who are better looking then them in gender relative terms (“he’s boxing above his weight”).

Nevertheless, although homely girls are accustomed with greater loyalty, trust and faithfulness, they are not any less inclined in thinking of a passionate night with an edgier man.  Some eventually act out their fantasy in practice too. 

However, with fewer good time girls and drama queens telling them stories of nights out, holidays, festivals and flirting with hotter men, a homely girl will feel better about her lifestyle choice in being with a safe, even if mundane, man.

 Loser 1 – Hot Men / Bad Boys / Cads

It would take a while to differentiate the fortunes between all three, but parallels will exist.  In all cases, this compartment of men is by and large most prominent in low commitment levels and high short term relationships with women.

Of course, these men rely on vibrant social dynamics where single women (or attached women going out with their female friends) are plentiful in being seen and having drunk, good times.  When bars are shutting at 10pm latest and an open nightclub is like seeing a pig flying in the sky, women willing to partake in these short term flings and good times are far lower in number.  It’s no coincidence that you are seeing a lot more aesthetic men in gyms at early doors.

 Loser 2 – Female Social Media Whores / Attention Seekers / Girl’s Girls

Again, at the risk of being ignorant in not separating each group, each one will entwine with the other on many occasions.  Similar to the men as explained directly above, these women are reliant on a high intensity social scene in order to exploit their all so fabulous life, existence and importance.  With all this being taken away, there are only so many photos a woman can take and post on Instagram from the corners of her lounge (which, as a by-product of the modern day female character we have to live with, has happened a lot over the last six months).

Unlike a man who requires a hectic nightlife environment in order to increase his chances of sex, women are far more concerned (and many women are only concerned) with showing the world how great she is.  The attention from men she receives is just an add on feel good factor and ego boost to assist the social media exploitation.  A large proportion of this exposure facility has been taken away from her.

 A final thought

So in essence, the biggest winners are men and women who like to spend a lot of time with their partner, and the biggest losers are men and women who hold strong predilections for low commitment and self-projected attention respectively.  For the foreseeable future, those who like steady relationships, even if passion is not of high optimums, are the ones with smiles on their faces.

Nothing lasts for ever though.  Life is cyclical, and things will eventually change.  Maybe this time though, those women who have lived a year of this life will change their ways indefinitely.  Or will human nature dictate, and normal service will be resumed this time next year?  Or, more likely, in eighteen months time.  For once, I cannot say with total conviction which side of the coin I believe it will fall on.