Monday 20 May 2024

The main reason men lie about age

 

“The only thing all of us have in common is the fact we are getting older.” 

 

In spite of many people (more women than men) thinking they are whiter than white and immune to any wrongdoing; the fact is that none of us are selfless all the time.  This is all the more applicable when we have something to gain.

My take on this is simple.  You should be as honest as much as possible, as a mindset and delivery that proceeds with the truth and reality gives off a much healthier and stress free existence.  Should this be true, it is kind of a given that you will enjoy life more.

With this said, if I was to pinpoint my most frequent occasions of lying, the vast majority will consist of age related answers.  I would tend to think that a high percentage of men post thirty, who have a liking for younger women as well as women their own age, will have also lied in this regard too.

Why do men lie about their age?

There are a few reasons behind this.  Whilst this answer is predominantly based on my own experience, I believe other men may have followed some or all of these trends:

·       As in my case, some men will look considerably younger than what the birth certificate shows.  At 31, I was being told I looked anything between 21 and 24.  With this in mind, if I did not know someone personally or it was just a case of a quick conversation, it was easier to agree than tell the truth.

·       Whilst men do physically age better and slower than women, the fact still remains that most men look their chronological age, or even a bit older.  As much as this is a minor reason, I have lied about my age to these exampled men in order to not make them feel less about themselves.

·       When a boy is the age of 16, he cannot wait for the next two years to pass quickly in desiring to be 18.  When he reaches 18, he may be in just as much a hurry to reach 21.  Nevertheless, from 21, I place a firm estimate that >90% of men actually want time to slow down, and once they reach their mid-20’s, they wish they were younger.  This desire of being younger in number terms (not maturity, professional, monetary terms etc) only exacerbates for every new age decade he approaches.

·       There are times when it benefits your professional or social acquaintances to believe you are younger than you are.  For example, I work in schools where the students are aged between 11 to 16.  It is obvious that they will like me and be able to relate to me more, the younger they think I am.  With this considered, me lying about my age is selfless, as much as selfish.

But the most main reason is….?

Not to put too fine a point on it, the main reason men, in particular men post 30 years of age, lie about their age is to date, or perhaps with the intention to just sleep with, younger women.  I doubt many men actually get a buzz out of lying per se in terms of age revelation, but they will look at what they have to gain.

I recall between 30 to 33 when I just found it easy to attract women between 18 to 23.  Without firm proof, much of this circumstance was because they knew I was older than them, but not by the actual years.  They would have thought I was between 21 and 25 (some said this, others would have assumed), depending on the woman’s eyes (and perhaps agenda to what she wanted to believe).

How did the women respond?

When I look back, I only lied to one of them.  I was 31 at the time, but she thought I was 21 (albeit in a dark nightclub the first time we met).  She was only 18 at the time, but she looked at least 21.  I told her I was 24.  She was more than happy with this.

After a couple of months, and after we revealed our mutual love for each other, my conscience got the better of me.  When I told her I was 31, she did not come across in immediate shock.  I tend to think she had done some online digging on me anyway, but she did not fully believe it was me. 

After a little chuckle to herself, she just crept closer and kissed me.  It was one of the most relieved feelings I have experienced, in the main because I had fallen in love with her, and also because she was a good person.  Had it been just a one night stand or short term fling, truly little contrition would have taken part.

This leads me onto why I have often lied about my age to younger women who appeared interested.  In the case of the girlfriend referenced above, reading between the lines, I predict that had she known about my age from the start, she may have not pursued.  The fact I did lie allowed things to develop, and our experience and relationship – in spite of the age gap – was left to blossom.  In other words, had I not lied she may not have had this experience in her life.  Had I not lied, she would not have experienced such happiness.

The same applies for less committal types of women.  A lot of women only hold inclinations for my presence in their life during certain periods, therefore once more, it is a fair assumption on my part that had I told them my real age, they would not have got what they wanted.  Call me selfless or selfish, it is up to you…

Case in point anecdote…

Fast forward a few years, and I got to know a young woman near to where I resided.  She lived with her parents, and I though she looked 23 or 24.  We texted for a few days, and we agreed to meet up one Saturday.

Prior to the event, she asked me how old I was.  Telling her the truth in that I was post 35, she revealed she was to become 21 in the next few days.  After a bit more dialogue, she said it just did not feel right due to the age gap.  We never met up.

A couple of months on, and I received a text from her claiming that she found a key on my drive.  I had lost no key whatsoever, and I would put my mortgage on there being no key in this fabricated story.  In essence, she most likely wanted to meet up in her most fertile few days. 

As it turns out, unfortunately, I was going on a vacation early the next morning.  Nothing came of our little endeavours, and we never set eyes on each other again.  For what it is worth, about a year later I saw her carrying a baby.  Lucky escape…!?

Do women lie about their age?

Whilst women will lie and time waste at will and with no remorse generally, especially with respect to emotional topics or relationship/interaction with the opposite sex, women lie in far smaller numbers in comparison to men about their age.  This is kind of ironic, because getting older is a harsher reality and outcome for women than it is for men.

So, whilst women most likely despise and resent getting older more than men, their inclination to lie is not as great because their predilection for being romantically and/or sexually involved with younger men is not near as high - in neither numbers nor motivation - than the inverse gender dynamic. 

What women compensate in replacement of lying about their age, however, is to act in an immature manner.  This is why, in the modern day, you see women in their mid-20’s acting like 18 year olds, women in their 30’s acting like they are 21 again, and some women in their 40’s or 50’s who are pitifully giggling or tapping on phones like females decades their junior.

A final thought

If you were to read an online topic and comments section, you will not find a more ferocious female vocal audience than one which manifests the subject of a man lying about his age.  As always, this is more down to women’s (most likely older women) fear of said man being attracted to and sometimes securing younger women, than it is about him lying about his age per se.

In fact, you would almost think that a man lying about his age and being interested/sleeping with much younger women is, to many older women, a worst crime than him cheating on a woman his own age.  Some jealous men (ironically men who have cheated on wives in the past) also think this way too.  I guess a lot of people live in glass houses….

Friday 3 May 2024

Take note of women who imitate you

 

         “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”               (Oscar Wilde) 

 

As women are defaulted masters at not, or very rarely, showing their cards in terms of attraction onto men, you need to screen for any little hint or clue that likely indicates she is sexually into you.  Generally speaking, a woman’s ego, pride, and any slight fear of rejection (and this fear of rejection can be as minor as her looking at a man from close range, and him not looking back) stands in the way of her natural urge to be with him, therefore take advantage of any slip up she may make in this respect.

This previous post offered the primary indicator in explaining how a woman is attracted to a man.  Nothing comes close to this, as proximity alerts and attempts to get in the way of said man being near her female competitor are the clearest ways you know a woman likes you.

Women who imitate you

When we talk about women imitating a man, we are obviously looking at it from a positive sense.  For removal of all doubt, we are not talking about the immature girl at high school who ridicules the way a boy talks, walks, or acts.  In these occasions, it would be very isolated where a female’s imitation of a male is based on her attraction.

What we need to look out for – as men who hold desires to have sex with attractive women – is where they are subconsciously replicating what you are doing.  There are a few reasons why this is a productive sign:

·       A woman imitating a man’s mannerisms views him as high value.  Women love men of high value.

·       A woman imitating a man’s habits construes him as knowledgeable to what he is doing.  Women like men who possess more than a few brain cells (providing she is not too dense herself), and a man who knows the subject in hand.

·       A woman imitating a man’s actions attains a subconscious voice inside her head that she wants to fit into his life.  When a woman thinks this way, she effectively wants to be in his life.

·       A woman imitating a man’s behaviour sees this man as a decisive male.  Women love men who are strong-minded, where conversely, they find indecisive men unappealing.

·       A woman imitating a man’s characteristics interprets him as a man who does not care what other people think of him.  The likelihood is this deliverable of his is rare and unique, and women are projected onto men who stand out.

·       A woman imitating a man’s existence operations holds a strong belief, usually rightly, that this man is a lot more confident than the average man.  Women are drawn towards confident men.

A recent female “imitator”

Around early October of last year on a Friday morning, I was working around the legs area of the gym.  Walking towards this same zone came a short, attractive, young woman (5ft 1”, aged about 21, 8/10 in physical attractiveness).  I immediately tried to think where I had seen her before, and it came back to me that two days earlier (when she was in her work clothes and exiting the gym) I thanked her for holding the door open for me (even though in fact she did not open it deliberately for me, but in fairness she did say “Sorry”).

Back to the Friday, and she gave me a little, even if in somewhat uncomfortable dispositioned (which is to be expected with most women who give a man an attraction indicator) smile, before moving onto the machine of her choice.  We worked around the same area for about twenty minutes.

Three days later, and as I parked up, I could see the lights on her car still on (I remembered her car from the week before).  As I got out my car, so did she, and it appeared, without any proof, that she was trying to time the two of us to collide at the entrance.  As she gave a little glance to me, sod’s law, another guy walked between us. 

Come the following Friday, this is where the imitation took place.  Other than myself, I have never seen anyone stretch out after each set.  That day, I saw her doing exactly what I do.  Also like me (and unlike more other members), she takes very short rest periods between each set. 

On a side note, I have also noticed she is not a woman on her phone between sets - something I very much like to see in a woman.  Could she be a rare woman who is clued up on what men desire in women, or more to the point, she holds a stronger motivation to do what men want of women over and above filling her self-importance needs?

In summary to all this, she, again without any proof she was doing it due to me, seemingly gave both proximity alerts and imitation clues in the space of a week.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                         If you sense a woman is attracted to you, do things which make her even more attracted to you (one example in this post), and more importantly, things which maintain her attraction.  A woman’s positive emotional feelings can turn south on a dime if you fail to do so.

Is imitation a sure sign she is good to go?

My friends, if only this was the case!  Unfortunately, very similar to a woman giving bed eyes to a good looking man, but turning him down when he approaches, a woman imitating a man’s actions is no guarantee at all that she is down to get naughty.

I would break it down into four categories:

·       A woman will hardly ever imitate a man she is unattracted to, unless somehow he manages to later convince her that his appeal is higher than what face value suggests.  Even then, it is highly unlikely she would imitate him, as she would have just become involved with him due to what she has to gain from the relationship.

·       Similar to the above, a woman will rarely imitate an average looking man who she is not in a relationship with.  There is no inclination for her to imitate, such is the fact of her none or minimal sexual attraction towards him.  Nevertheless, if a cute woman is in a relationship with an average looking man, do not be surprised to occasionally see her imitate him.  This reasoning is more to convince her mind, and her peers, that he is a better catch than what other eyes will be telling them – hence why she imitates him in a vain attempt to raise his value bar.

·       A woman will sometimes be seen imitating an above average looking man.  This man holds enough appeal, without being stand out, for cute and hot women to be attracted to him, and as most of these women view above average looking men as the male physical looks compartment they most want to be with, they will imitate in a subconscious process based on desires to be with him.

·       Providing he has an attitude and confidence to back up his elite physical attractiveness, you will find women uncontrollably imitate habits of the best looking men.  This imitation however will often be more of a female fit in need to what appears cool, rather than hankerings to be with him.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                      No man can honestly say a woman is serious about him until she has slept with him.  Until such day, it can all be a case of female teasing, immaturity, games, time-wasting, attention-seeking, and a fantasy of being with him but not carrying it out in reality.

Friday 19 April 2024

Men look younger after a haircut

 

“Give yourself extra opportunities when they are free of charge.” 

 

When he can no longer say he is in his twenties, and sometimes even before this should he choose or see necessity, by and large it is in a man’s benefit to look younger than what his birth certificate proves.  This strategy should only become even more important as he reaches older decade ranges.

It will be incredibly rare for a man to not look younger once he has visited the Barbour’s and had a short back and sides so to speak.  It would be rarer still for him to ever look older post trim.

Caveat to above:                                                                                                                     This is only applicable to a haircut transitioned from a medium length, long length, or already short hairstyle - into a sharper cut.  A lot of men may, and often do, actually look older when they go from a stylish short cut to a shaven look.

A good example of how a shaven look can make a man look older is shown below:

My process of this plan of action

A big mistake when I look back, but for about eighteen months during my mid-twenties I opted for a longer style.  I am not talking down my back or anything, but it was long enough to put behind my ears and cover the top part of my spine.  In retrospect, I regret it immensely. 

Not a day too soon, I went for a much shorter and style (something between a Quiff and French crop look).  With discrete changes along the way, I have kept this style as of today.  This previous post will give a refresher to the subject of various men’s hairstyles.

I went out that night after having it cut, and as soon as my friend saw me, he commented on how I looked younger.  Another mate that night stated I looked much better.  When I went to work on the Monday, colleagues said I looked at least five years younger in comparison to the longer look (granted, the longer look probably made me look a couple of years older than what I should have done).

An assuming memory

When I joined a company in 2015, there was a Managing Director there who was only a couple of years older than me.  As an amalgamation of him who had clearly aged badly, compared to me looking much younger, he looked fifteen years my senior.

I could tell he did not like me from the moment he set eyes on me (he did not interview me, nor was he the decision maker in appointing me).  It did not take me long to comprehend why this was there and then, and why it was transparent he would never warm to me.  I could have been the best sales contributor his company had ever known, but this would not have compensated for his personal disliking, or more appropriate jealousy, towards me.  Simply put, he was a want to be Ladies Man, which was the catalyst to him not being amiable to my existence.

Less than a year after I joined, a Health and Safety Manager (Michael) joined the business.  It was obvious from day one that he attained an agenda to climb up the hierarchy ladder on a fast track basis, and he did just that by the means of working long (even if unproductive) hours, in conjunction to brown nosing the Managing Director.

Michael was another one who exhibited a lack of affinity towards me.  Despite being married with two young children, he also came across early on as someone who liked to attract the ladies.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                      Do not be confused in thinking that when all men get married and have kids, they subsequently lose the urge to attract other women.  When men realize the mistake they made in settling down, or they no longer are attracted to their wife/female partner, they often try to attract other women even more than when they were single.

With the coward of a Managing Director often loading bullets for Michael to try and wind me up, I will never forget one Monday morning when arguably the hottest woman in the company said how nice my hair looked after a weekend trim.  I could see in the corner of my eye Michael looking over in envy.

The next time I had my haircut (usually every five weeks), when Michael saw it, he shouted out:                                                                                                                                       “Have you had your haircut again!?”                                                                                      The penny did not totally drop there and then, but it did not take me long to understand that he and the Managing Director did not take kindly to when I had a haircut.  Simply put, they did not like me looking both more attractive and younger.

As a side note to the above, but equally as relevant with regards to the two men’s antagonism, I also think they did not like the fact that a front quiff and cropped up style gave me a couple of inches in visual (as opposed to actual) height.  I am barely six foot tall, but by the time my hair and shoe heels/trainers are accounted for, most people would interpret me as at least 6ft 2”.

What about women’s emotions towards men having a haircut?

In truth, this all goes in consistence to what I have always documented and stood by.  Generally speaking, and all else being equal, this is what you will expect:

·       If a man is good looking (and even more applicable if he is exceptionally good looking), more people than not (men and women alike) will be acrimonious towards him when he has a haircut.

·       If a man is average to above average looking, other men will be oblivious to this, and nearly all women will be warmer towards him.

·       If a man is below average looking, a haircut is an irrelevance.

·       The hotter the woman, the more tolerable (and sometimes warmer) she will be towards a good looking man post his haircut.

·       All else being equal, younger women (or more to the point, women who look considerably younger than said man) will be more attracted towards a man after his haircut – and hence, him looking younger.

·       All else being equal, women older/women who look older than said man (but women who are attracted to him or/and find him attainable) will feel a more negative feeling inside when she sees him with a fresh haircut – and hence, him looking younger.

A final chuckle…

I had a former female hairdresser who tended to be a little too scissor happy for my liking.  Whilst I wanted it kept short (especially at the back and sides), I did not ask for too much off the top.  No matter how many times I politely reminded her of this before she started, she just could not resist taking off a bit more than I desired.  She even once joked about how she just gets carried away when she starts.  She still did a good job, so I just laughed it off knowing that in a week’s time it would look how I wanted it to anyway.

For a six month period when this hairdresser looked after me, I had an ex-girlfriend who was a bit younger than me, but who looked about the same age or even a bit older.  Oblivious to the reasons at the time, when I had a haircut and she saw me later that day, she got an immediate mood on.

I will always remember one day when I told her I was having a trim later that morning.  My ex firmly told me to instruct the hairdresser to take hardly anything off the top.  As always, the hairdresser just did her usual and took off a centimetre too much.

When my ex set eyes on it later that evening, she claimed that my hairdresser did this to piss her off.  The two of them had never met!  At the time I just thought that, like my opinion, I looked a bit less attractive when it was too short.  In hindsight, it was because it made me look even younger than her.

A decisive point – inverse situation for women

It is important to clarify that all the above explanations are only applicable to men.  As much as most weak men will not admit this, what I am about to write is the truth and only what these men are thinking.  As someone who has gone through rigorous chemotherapy treatment and lost his hair, please be aware that this point is aimed at choice, and not necessity.

In essence, when women have a pronounced amount of hair taken off, there is no hiding from the fact that they look both less physically attractive, and older.  I understand there comes a time, due to age, hair texture etc, where some women are left with little option but to take number of inches off the length, but the truth is the truth, and the reality is the reality.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 There will be only isolated men who, when they hear the words that their female partner is a having a god deal of length taken off, will be sincerely happy.  The only men who may be cheerful in some way (not to be confused with being more attracted to her, which he will not be), will be men who are boxing above their weights in being with much more physically attractive women in gender relative terms.  He will know she will now attract fewer men.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                            Choosing to have a significant reduction in hair length will be one of the biggest decisions a woman makes in her life.  Deep down, even she cannot deny that this decision, should she go through with it, will reduce the number of male suitors projected onto her. 

Monday 1 April 2024

How do kids differ to adults in interaction dynamics?

 

“The innocence and optimism of youth is more a sad reminder of adult resentment to come.” 

 

I watched a gripping psychological film the other night by the name of Triggered.  It is/was certainly not a blockbuster by profile or box office revenue, but the sheer storyline gripped me from the start.  I guess it just goes to show that, in my opinion, we live in a world where success is a by-product of how many people can follow someone or something, irrespective to how high or low the quality of offering is.

Now that little dig is off my chest, the theme manifested via an all so familiar real life dynamic.  In particular, situations which are all too common for distaste in the United States.  I am not condoning for a single second what the violators acted out at the end of the film, but I can relate to how children can question the meaning of life, when, in metaphoric terms, only dark mornings are what they see outside the window each day.

Whilst I neither experienced an extreme forgettable nor enjoyable secondary school (pretty much equivalent of junior high school) five year period, I do remember enough times, mainly in observation of others as opposed to my own days, regarding how a young person can feel isolated, downbeat, lonely and, at worst, fear of even going there. 

As you get older and start working, the vast majority of adults will have that sickly Sunday night/Monday morning feeling in anticipation of a week in a job they hate.  Nevertheless, I doubt many feel as nauseas in this respect compared to the children I exampled.  At least as an adult you have life experience to draw upon in terms of perspective.  As a child, you feel trapped in an existence you despise.

My recent profession change

At the end of last year, on the back of another redundancy, I decided to train up and take a role working in education.  The main reason was a desire to give back, and, even if only in my small way capacity, help those much younger steer through the murky waters of life.  In truth, most will not yet be familiar with this pessimism, such is the hope, innocence, and optimism of youth.

I have ended up as a Cover Teacher/Teaching Assistant/Learning Mentor, in the main, at a secondary school which predominantly consists of kids from deprived catchment areas.  It also attains a higher SEND (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities) percentage than most other schools in the area, and this is a result as much towards behavioural issues as it is slower learning skills.  Five weeks in, and I am not going to sugar coat anything.  It has been a tough transition for me.

My first lesson consisted of a Year 7 (age 11 to 12) maths lesson.  I could just not control their noise, behaviour, and disobedience.  Towards the end of the week, I encountered a challenging Year 9 group which involved six boys who had clear attitude problems.  When I asked one of them to take his feet off the table for the third time, in doing so he muttered the words – “You’re gonna get smoked, bro.”

What did I learn about the boys a month later?

As time progressed however, I started to learn how to handle the vast majority of boys at the school.  As a man who possesses a decent level of presence (physical looks, height, muscular profile, smart/classy dress style, strong body language, smelling good), but in the knowledge this presence is negated by the fact you cannot touch the modern day child or put much fear of the consequences into them, by week two I started to take the whole role far less seriously.  It has worked extremely well.

One of the things that worked a treat was joining in the ridicule of myself.  Inundated boys (and girls) as early as my first day started shouting at me  - “Get back shadrack!”  Not knowing what the hell they were on about, I just looked at them with bewilderment, which most likely played into their hands.

After checking out on social media what the phrase was all about, I found the answer on this.  Whilst I would like to think (as one of the other teachers pointed out) he will be far happier with the resemblance than me, in terms of the hair quiff, I could see what the kids were referring to.  Far more important however, was the fact I could now go along with it.  Every time one of the kids now shouts it out, I say and gesture it back to them with a big grin on my face.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                    Kids thrive on teacher weakness, distress, and realizing the frustration of the humour they (the kids) process onto you.  If you can rise above this, in bouncing the humour back, not only will kids like you more for this, but it negates their main weapon.

Another strong tactic I use is to, in body language and presence terms, show them who is the man in both proverbial and literal manners.  This should not be misconstrued as bullying, which I hate in any walk of life, but it is a pronounced way of giving the boys firm eye contact when you walk past them, making them walk around you in the class (basically, me standing still), and walking in a strong manner.  Boys are looking for male role models at school or in social environments, especially considering so many are likely in single parent families, and if they can find someone they look up to, even if they are loathed to admit this to themselves at the beginning, they will, sooner rather than later, warm to you.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                   Most wannabe popular boys in school are all talk.  They hide behind the comfort of their male friends in classrooms, corridors, or playgrounds.  But when on their own, they barely have the confidence to look you in the eye.  Once you get over the early cockiness seen in a boy, you start to see his vulnerabilities.  This is the point when you want to help and like him, rather than dismiss and dislike him.

The third profitable strategy I have used is to act by the firm but fair balance.  This might sound simple in real life, but in practice I probably failed in this during the first week.  I would not say this in man to woman relationship terms, but in this case leaning toward the firmness extreme did me no good at all.

After a conversation with someone who had previously been a teacher, he advised me to do two things:

·       One, within reason, act more like their mate.

·       Two, just do not try and replicate how most teachers act in the classroom.

This advice was golden.  I started to give the ill-disciplined boys (and some girls) that bit more space, and only laying down the rule book when they crossed the line.  I turned a blind eye to when they went on their mobile phones - by coughing, looking, and smiling at them, and just simply hand gesturing for them to put it away.  If the occasional one of them started walking around the classroom, I would allow this for a couple of minutes before kindly asking them that I had been reasonable to permit this, but it is now time to sit down. 

This non-dictatorial method has brought about a clear understanding that, whilst I cannot be walked all over, they know they receive lenience not received from most teachers.  I am not going by the rule book, but if I cannot use some level of my socio-psychological discretion and knowledge, then I am in the wrong job.

What about the girls?

The girls, by and large, present different challenges.  At all ages on a standard basis, they are more mature in respect to behaviour and willingness to learn.  With this said, their difficulty is more than compensated by their self-entitlement mentality.

Again, giving them space has been the main benefit.  If you think dictating a girl in a school will reap rewards, then I am seeing things far differently.  Without being a pushover, girls will generally give more when you allow them that bit more flexibility. 

As non-approving of this as I can be due to the age factor, some of the girls hold no reservation in flirting or saying sexual things to their friends when I turn my back about what they could do to me.  One of them even did the tiger growl and hand expression when she walked past me.  Bear in mind I am over three times the age of some of them. 

A final thought

This entire process has given me a first-hand experience to evaluate the comparison between how children respond to my existence against adults.  I have produced this easy explanation:

With regards to males, it is an inverse correlation.  I would estimate that 70% of men are not fond of my presence, leaving 30% who strive to be friendly.  There is not much in between.  With boys, I estimate 70% to 80% are fond of me, and 10% hold some kind of grudge (I would tend to think this 10% is mainly the popular boys who have heard the popular girls saying complimentary things about me).  This leaves an approximate 10% who have barely noticed me.

With consideration to females, I hold by the stance that 80% of women are not fond of my existence, with a remaining 20% who range from trying to get to know me or are not antagonistic but with no urge to pursue and contact.  With girls, it is again pretty much an inverse scenario.  80% seem to be anything from proactively liking me to standard friendliness, against the 20% who are not keen or just apathetic. 

This view of mine holds firm to what I have documented in this blog for the last decade.  In simple and general explanation, the younger the female age (and consequent younger female emotional mind), the more interested, engaging, and friendly girls/young women are towards the most physically attractive men.  Once the female age passes 23 and up to the early to mid-30’s, the less preferential, cooperative, and amiable women are towards stand out looking men.

Once women enter the mid 30’s, a greater percentage lean away from the 23 to early 30’s mindset as explained above, and towards the way of thinking accustomed to the girls/young women.  Regardless, they will never, or rarely, go back to how they were as the fearless teenager who just hunted down the hot, popular, and often jerky boy/young man.

A final, final thought

A man’s main form of envy and bitterness towards another man is due to the fear of said other man being more sought after by women (including his own female partner) than him.  Conversely, boys do not undergo these negative dispositions or habits, such is that the older attractive man is seen as a mentor and role model, and not a rival. When all said and done, the boy views him as someone he aspires to be, whilst the man sees him as a competitor and threat.

A woman’s main form of nose out of joint moments towards a high value man (and mainly very good-looking man) is due to her hostility in seeing a man who likely does not value her beauty in the same way as a less physically attractive man’s eyes project onto her.  In essence, her ego is punctured because of his options with women.  On the other hand, most girls embrace a hot man, because not only does a girl lead with her heart and sexual impulses, but she feels her social status is elevated by being part of his life.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If men could remove jealousy and acerbity from their lives, in addition to not following the social pressure to fulfil their female partner’s financial expectations, they would live a far healthier and stress free life.

Friday 15 March 2024

Some men will never warm to you

 

                              “Nothing is little to him who feels it with great sensibility.”                                  (R.H. Blyth) 

 

I could lay testimonies to dozens of men who epitomise what I will write within this post subject, but I will pick on this particular example for the purpose of self-amusement and recent reflection.

I recall a man (Richard) in the gym I went to a while ago.  From first impression based on nothing more than life experience, he struck me as a bit of a wannabe Ladies Man.  For summary of what I class as a wannabe (as opposed to actual) Ladies Man, I offer you these usual signs.

·       Usually middle aged men, but they can sometimes be men even younger than thirty.

·       Often small business owners, or in a middle to senior management or director position within their employer hierarchy.

·       Average looking facially (as >95% of men are).

·       Overweight to average body profile (but not significantly obese).

·       Average height (occasionally short men too).

·       Arrogant, and into their own self-importance – measures of which are way above their objective value.

·       Prevalent in not so discretely broadcasting their popularity and success with women (usually with no proof).

·       Bullies and ridiculers. 

·       Like the sound of their own voice.

·       Poor listeners.

·       Often not the most intelligent in a natural sense (even though they may have made it up the employment ladder via other sources).

·       Antagonistic towards objectively more sought after men.

In case you have not worked it out yet, I dislike these types of men very much.  I pity them equally.

The man at the gym

Back to the man I referenced above.  As I always do, irrespective of my first impression of any man or woman, I give someone a clean piece of paper in terms of judging them on the person they are when interacting with me.  Occasionally my first thought can be a little array from the actual persona.  Usually however, my first impression is pretty much on the money.

In his case, the latter prevailed.  I remember sitting in a spin class not long after I had finished my radiotherapy treatment.  I was near full visual recovery at that stage.  As the class was a 50/50 split of women and men – which included mainly mediocre women, with two to three reasonable looking – I sensed the first time I sat down on a bike that he looked at me with distaste. 

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                       As explained in this previous post, men of such kind – wannabe ladies men and men who think they are alpha males – hold an instant discomfort, jealousy, dislike, and acrimony towards men who are more physically attractive in a pronounced manner.  In essence, men wrongly think that women are attracted to men in the same way men are attracted to women (based primarily on physical allure).  Whilst women are sexually attracted to men of the highest physical attractiveness, unlike men’s screening for women, most women opt to select less physically attractive men as their male partners.

Another time that stands out is when I was doing my hair in the toilet area mirror (hence outside the main changing room).  He walked in, and straight away in a ridiculing fashion said – “Oohh, do I look okay!”

The idiot was clearly trying to have a go at me, entwined with his instinctive envy, negativity, and hostility towards me.  If I had my time back, I would have given him as much, if not more, ridiculing comments back.  I guess I was not quick witted enough on the spot. 

I cannot quite remember if anyone else was in the toilet area at the time.  Logic would suggest there was (maybe someone was taking a shit !?), because pathetic bullies are renowned for speaking out in these moments with a safety in numbers mentality.  In any case, the principle is the same.  He still had the comfort of other people around (the changing room is literally a wooden door away), therefore his choice to say what he did at that particular moment ran in true predictability.

On other instances when I have struck up chit chat with him, his unease with my presence is all too clear to see.  He just talked about himself, and never asked any questions in return.  Once more, a predictable habit of someone who feels inferior next to another, but who tries to conceal this inferiority complex by talking and self-promoting themselves.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 When you work human psychology out, and you fathom the way people act even when you do not like their conduct, life becomes a lot less infuriating.

A later comparison of his differing behaviour

A couple of years down the line, when I had now joined another gym, and I went for a coffee with a friend of mine who was also a member of the previous gym I referenced.  He started to tell a story which included a really friendly and engaging type of man.

When my friend mentioned the name “Rich”, I asked him if he meant the same man.  It clearly was him, because as much as the physical similarities we both described for him, we both mentioned the building products company he owned.

My friend could not have spoken more highly about him.  Nevertheless, I could not just sit there without saying that, as much as I believe what he says, it has been transparent from my interactions with Richard that he has not been so amiable. My friend was taken back a little by my words, but we left it at that.

The easy conclusion to Richard’s polar opposite demeanour is this.  My friend is a chap in his sixties, with naturally no urge (or appeal) to hit on attractive or half-decent women in the gym.  Compare that to myself, who he sees as a major obstacle in his quest to attract these women.  It does not take a genius, therefore, to see why there is such a difference.

A final thought

It is kind of amusing, because this post takes me down a memory lane trip with regards to my early ventures to America.  At the time I did not think much to this, but it all collates into a common theme.

I am certainly not saying this applied to all men (I recall one really friendly and likeable young man in a hotel gym in Charlotte who I spoke to, and he was quite a good looking guy himself), however it struck me how many native men appeared belligerent or unengaging around my presence. 

As American men, in my opinion and experience, are the most competitive men in the world in terms of their endeavours to attract and mate with women (in particular the most sought after women), it retrospectively derives as no surprise that they did not enjoy a man of my look as a potential competitor.  Throw in the British accent to assist (most American women love the male British accent), and voila monsieur, the natural consequence is a man who cannot control himself to a defaulted unfriendliness. 

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                  Once people stop becoming bitter, jealous, antagonistic, and disengaging towards you, it is time to accept that you no longer hold a desirability, social standing or/and importance level that you once owned.  Sometimes your biggest frustrations in life can be a by-product of your greatest blessings.

Saturday 2 March 2024

Can relationships be happy over time?

 

“To loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?” 

 

There was always a phrase I recall as a kid that was used in many films or TV programs.  I would expect nearly everyone has heard it before:

It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

Back then, it simply passed my mind as an obvious saying.  Nearly everybody desires to partake in the feeling of love, therefore even if it does not work out, you will always have the experience that cannot be taken away.  Fast forward to today, and I would still go by this consensus, however there is a bit more to it than meets the eye:

A recent movie

I recently by accident came across a low budget movie on Prime Video.  The movie itself will not stay in my memory for very long, however the dynamic possessed a somewhat greater appeal.  In summary, a woman was married to her extraordinarily rich, but over-controlling and serious, husband.  Her suffocation due to his dictatorship caused her to have an affair with a loser – no job, no money, no ambition etc – of a male lover (albeit a nice enough guy), however for a brief period of time she could not take the smile off her face.  It was like the lead weight had been taken off her back, and she could finally breathe in some air.

As she and her lover lay in bed, the man actually made a striking point.  His words were (in particular reference to her interface with both him and her husband):

You can have everything, but if you are unhappy, your life will be a pile of shit.  And you can have nothing, but if you are happy, your life will not be a pile of shit.”

In a way, the rest of the plot was predictable.  After a bit more fun and sex with the loser, she gets caught up in a drugs raid where he is arrested.  She consequently sees him for what he is – someone who could not realistically provide for her – in most categories, past a phase of a few weeks.  Conversely, the husband most likely gave her what she needed a few years ago – marriage, money, and security – yet the thought of being with him forever makes her want to vomit.

Speaking of vomit, she ends up getting pregnant.  It was most likely the loser’s seed, although it also turned out that she had two abortions when with her husband.  One scene in the film showed the husband explaining to someone that she had two miscarriages.  Read into this what you will.

I am going to keep this post short, because there is plenty of literature and assigned posts which cover this topic in detail.  Nevertheless, in the modern western world it really is difficult to be happy over a longer period of time.

Who is most to blame – women or men?

Both.  In essence, women want more from men that what they (the women) can realistically expect or what men can feasibly provide, whilst men want a pie in the sky life where their female partners stay as attractive as when she was younger and when they first met.  Whilst the former scenario is highly unlikely in comparison to the latter scenario being impossible, the one common factor is that neither are satisfied with the outcome.  Babies and material things can paper over the cracks for a time, but it will pretty much always come back to haunt.

Divorces creep up to a near one in two rate, yet even this high ratio does not tell the full story.  Of the half that do stay together, how many are still miserable and just plodding on because they cannot get out without it having drastic ramifications on their life?  I would say this accounts for forty percent, therefore, looking at it from optimistic eyes, this leaves a lucky one marriage out of every ten who are genuinely happy.

Long term cohabitation couples who are not married (and in particular if they do not have children) will be a little happier in my opinion, but the recipe of distaste towards their partners still follows the same path.  It just takes longer to get there.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                         It is easy to make a woman happy in the short term of a relationship cycle.  Her massaged ego and validation needs alone produce this happiness.  The medium term brings about reduced happiness, bordering onto unhappiness.  As far as the long term is concerned, this is when unsavoury and frustration emotions take over at best, to abominate and resentment feelings at worst.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 Never finding a woman who you stayed with for a considerable number of years can be viewed upon like this.  You most likely never reached the peak or trough of happiness and unhappiness respectively, but your average happiness level over the equivalent period of time would have been higher.  Your stress levels will have been much lower too, which should mean you currently stand in better health than otherwise.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                            Marriage, or even long term relationships, are near on irrelevant when you are that dying man reflecting on your life.  You will only remember the love and happiness you acquainted with women, irrespective to whether you were with her for a lifetime or a month.