Friday, 21 January 2022

Male maturity versus male conformity

 

“The silent voices should be heard from those who choose to silence them.”

  

Shortly after I joined a new company, I recall a woman aged in her thirties making a comment regarding the fact that I had ever settled down.  We were roughly the same age, yet whilst I had never been married, she was over a decade in marriage with three young children.

It’s kind of ironic, as on my first day I heard her talking to another man in the office as she bad mouthed her husband with regards to the lack of time he spends looking after the kids and the farmhouse they lived in.  The other man in the office defended him in the way of explaining the vast amounts of hours her husband spends maintaining the day-to-day farm premise operations, to which she kind of didn’t agree or disagree.

Her criticism to me – about a week into my role – was in reference to how someone couldn’t have settled down once they reach their thirties.  I could have given her a chapter and verse explanation that the dynamics between a city upbringing compared to a countryside childhood – and the by-product romantic options and perhaps social acceptance differentials that exist within each - is like night and day, however I just gave her the following comments that consisted of humour (although still in a logical verbalisation) and honesty respectively:

“Why buy the cow when you can get milk for free?”

“I guess it’s been a case of right girl wrong time, then right time but wrong girl.”

She agreed with the second comment, but in the three years I worked there I lost count of how many times she slagged off her husband, and how many times she looked frustrated and bitter with life.  There were at least three men in the office I believe she would have dropped her pants for given such an opportunity.  She was constantly trying to arrange work nights outs – without partners being invited.  I actually felt a bit sorry for her, because she painted the picture of the perennial woman who simply settled down too young and too soon, and then faced the negative consequences of this lifestyle choice down the line.  I would expect any honest person reading right now will know of at least one woman and/or man who represents such a story.

Female hypocrisy of male immaturity

If you entered into any conversation of such kind with a woman, it is a strong likelihood that she would place a man who hasn’t settled down by a certain age as a man who is immature.  In reality and honesty, what she is really saying is that he isn’t playing by the role (and societal unofficial rules) of male conformity.  She uses immaturity as a way to condemn men who aren’t being conformant. 

I offer you two scenarios that symbolize how male maturity and male conformity are distinguished:

·       Liam is a 35 old man who has never been married and has never been a father.  It wasn’t necessarily a conscious choice at first, but over time he has infiltrated enough information in his mind that marriage and fatherhood is not the be all and end all in life.  He has seen, via his friends who have taken the husband and father route, that this lifestyle offers both pros and cons.  Some of the cons are severe and unforgiving.  Liam has a good job, he has plenty of money in the bank and associated assets owned, he has a grown-up personality, he has excellent social skills and confidence, he owns his own property and car, and he looks after himself generally.  He is a very polite and respectful man, and always calm under pressure. 

·       Jacob is a 22-year-old man who impregnated a same aged woman a few years ago.  As a ramification, he has a two-year-old young boy.  He also has a new-born baby via his current girlfriend.  They have plans to get married soon.  Jacob earns little more than the minimum wage, he lives by a pay cheque to pay cheque monthly process, and he appears to switch between living with his parents ands low rent accommodation.  He doesn’t own a driving licence.  In truth, Jacob is somewhat socially inept, with a lack of potential or intelligence to suit.  On any drunken (or sometimes even sober) event, you always feel Jacob is never far away from a confrontation or altercation.  You could say he has anger management issues too.

A high share of women would lead you to believe that Jacob is being the more mature man in life, in facing up to his responsibilities (hence conformance).  They will concurrently say that Liam has commitment issues, and this is a by-product of being immature for a man of his age.

In reality, Liam is far more mature.  He just isn’t being beaten by the social conformance stick.  Jacob is immature but, on paper, he is abiding by social conformity.

A current example

I know a man at the gym who I get on reasonably well with.  We have similar interests, and we appear at a similar social class, intelligence and professional level.  We will almost always acknowledge each other in the gym, and subsequently have a brief chat in the changing room or pre/post workout.

Nevertheless, on every Friday of the week he trains with a close friend of his (who I assume trains later in the day on the other days of the week) who is clearly from a lower social class and lower intelligence/educational background.  He comes across as a bit thick, but I’ve always said that you can find a niche in life without being objectively, or apparently, smart.  There are men working in many trades – electricians, plumbers, bricklayers etc – who could, in my opinion, fit this description.

His thick mate clearly doesn’t like me, or at least he isn’t comfortable when I’m in the vicinity.  If I were a betting man, I’d say this antagonism is born out of instinctive jealousy.  Body language is the easiest giveaway.  Only the other week he tried to give me an aggressive look concurrent to waiting for the leg machine I was on to be free.  When I rested for a few seconds I stared him back, to which his eyes quickly dropped to face the floor.

Q-tip 1:

Always stand up to bullies.  Bullies are prominent to weakness and to crawl into a shell when you play fire with fire, and when you get them on a one-to-one basis.

The issue is that when the man I get on with most of the time is with his thick mate, he starts to act unsociable, more aggressive, and to a point where he changes his voice tone and content to come across as more mentally dense.  In the changing room together, the two of them act like giggling teenagers.  Pitiful really.  If I acknowledge him, he barely says anything back. 

About a year ago I had a conversation with him about this and that, to which he told me he and his wife were expecting their first child in September.  I remember thinking at the time that surely he would grow out of this pathetic and immature second existence (when he is with his mate) once the kid came along.  He hasn’t changed in the slightest.  For the record, the try-hard bully also has a young child.

Case in point once more that maturity and conformity are two separate entities entirely.   

Female immaturity and conformity

Women will enjoy telling you, with no hesitation, that they represent what should be seen as the symbol of life’s lineal path.  That is, they can have their fun times when it suits them, but they will settle down at the appropriate age.  Whilst I accept that feminism and female independence/careers have led to a larger percentage of women refraining from or delaying marriage and motherhood, nobody should be fooled that the vast majority of women still desire to get married and have kids.  Most of these women still want to do this in their twenties.  Only not locating the man high enough for their standards acts as a procrastination to this accomplishment and life project.

I also accept that, certainly based on my childhood and adolescent memory, girls and young women are more mentally mature than same aged males from the ages of 11 to 18.  You could maybe extend this through to 21, although the mental maturity gap disparity (post 18) starts to close at a much faster rate.  You could argue that from 22 to 24, the mental maturity between women and men has reached a stalemate.  From 25 onwards, and I’m a firm believer (and social behaviour judged with your own two eyes ands ears will be enough to conclude this) that men become more mentally mature than women on a wholesale basis.

Q-tip 2:

Just because most women are more motivated and hungrier to get married and have children in comparison to same aged men does not, in any way, shape or form, mean they act in a greater adult and mature mechanism.  Marriage and motherhood in this day and age for women is a motivation consequence of attention and self-exposure desire, and not primarily born out of love and affection for the future husband. This does not translate to maturity.

A final thought

In my humble view, a strong link to reasoning behind why women have become less mentally mature between 25 to 50 years of age – both in comparison to previous female generations and in respect to men of similar age – is due to the social media upsurge since 2006.  Ultimately, when you place a platform for women to consistently seek attention, exposure, ego stroking, and male (and female friendship) sycophancy, the mind is defaulted to a “me, me, me” obsession.  A “me, me, me” obsession is a natural tendency drawn towards younger women’s mindsets.  This all manifests to a less mentally mature woman.

Another big explanation towards increased female immaturity is also a feature bridged via social media platforms.  Prior to Facebook and associated similarities, a 30 or 40 year old woman’s social involvement with women ten or twenty years younger than her would be mainly through the workplace.  The lid could be kept on the jar, so to speak and to an extent. 

Suddenly though, you had women keeping up to tracks with the online social goings on of their much younger female peers, and as a result the drama and childish habits that went alongside.  Once more, this has all compounded female immaturity in women who should be acting like adults.

Because when you bring a mixed aged group of women together, the younger ones don’t act with more mental maturity.  What happens, to the detriment of society and men seeking worthy long term female partners, is that the older women act with less maturity.

Friday, 14 January 2022

Dealing with time wasting women

  

“You have to put the past behind you before you can move on.”

  

Take a look at this text exchange (minor edits for privacy).  It’s by no means textbook on a broader scale, as will be explained later, but the mentality and closure of how to deal with a time-wasting woman is the more important take home in all this:

December 12 (from me)

Buenas tardes.  Como estas?  It’s Vi Nay from the gym.  Nice talking to you earlier, and hope you are having a nice weekend. X

December 27 (from me)

Ciao, nice talking earlier.  So if you would like us to get to know each other better then I have a bit more free time this week.  If not and you don’t feel it or you don’t feel comfortable then that’s fine, no point going into something half-hearted. X

December 30 (from me)

So I’ve kind of worked out you don’t like to get too attached to a guy, so if you prefer a more friends with benefits thing (not friend zone though, that’s for sure!) then that’s okay with me.  Most women probably don’t view me as good bf material anyway.  So there’s always round mine tomorrow night if you like, bit of food, maybe a film etc..? X

December 30 (from her)

Friends with benefits but not friend zone ? How does that work lol

December 30 (from me)

Low in commitment/attachment.  High in attraction/chemistry/connection/passion/.  Medium in friendship/time spent together.  That’s the best way I would describe it

December 30 (from her)

I do see someone regularly for that so I wouldn’t want that

December 31 (from me)

Well I hope he doesn’t know you were checking me out for the two weeks before I approached

Tbf neither did I want that, it was just a suggestion based on thinking you didn’t want commitment.  Anyway take care and hope you find happiness. X

The backdrop

Basically, it is the woman at the centre of this previous post, therefore I will not give chapter and verse on how it all came together.  It was clear early on that she was a time waster, but in my defence, there were interim times when she kept striking up conversation in the gym in spite of not replying to the initial text I sent.

My better senses and experience told me that, once she didn’t text back on the same day or the following day, she didn’t have any intention to pursue with me in the immediate term.  Although she said she was not in a relationship, and part of me does believe this, the retrospective thought-process tells me that she was one of those many women who likes to look at me, who finds me very physically attractive, but deep down does not have the inner confidence to get intimate and sexual.  This applies, in my experience, to eight or nine women out of every ten I meet.

With all this in consideration, I’m still not a person to cut my nose to spike my face, so to speak.  It’s not like I had exerted any money or energy on her, therefore whilst my mind knew she was the perennial woman who could talk the talk but not walk the walk, it was no skin off my nose to press a little harder for that confirmation she would not venture on. 

The critique out there may say, with some justification, that a man should never text back until said woman has responded.  By and large, I agree with this consensus, however when you are a man who is both (marginally in this case) more physically attractive than the target woman, and in turn a man who is (what came across as significantly) more intelligent, smart, and mentally mature than her, the woman in question is basically dragged into a scenario she isn’t accustomed to.  In many cases, exampled woman may never have experienced this situation in any day of her life.

What I mean by this is, if it is the usual scenario where the woman is more physically attractive than the man (irrespective of the intelligence gap), a woman will need a man to prove he is more valuable and sought-after by other women than she perceives him to be.  In these vast majority cases then, yes, a man shouldn’t pursue in the way I did.

Nevertheless, when a woman feels inferior to the man hunting her down, she needs that bit more reassurance that he is genuinely interested in her existence.  With this in mind, and once more to reiterate in stubbornness not getting in the way of possibility, I believe the actions I took were justified.  I have done, and most likely would do, the same again if a similar scenario repeated itself.

Sometimes it just doesn’t matter what you do…

As I’ve subscribed to before on this blog, game can only take a man so far.  If a woman simply doesn’t find you physically attractive in the slightest, absent of extreme wealth and/or social status, it is highly unlikely you will be able to sway her in your direction on a sexual basis. 

Conversely (but similarly), the same applies when a woman thinks a man is out of her league (especially in physical attractiveness terms).  The fantasy will outweigh the reality.  There’s more than a fair probability that a woman may visualize a man of this kind whilst placing a vibrator to her clit, but this rarely translates to the same woman jumping in bed with him given the opportunity.

Q-tip 1:

The most grotesque man in the world would sleep with the hottest woman on the planet given such a pie in the sky chance.  On the other hand, eighty to ninety percent of women who have uncontrollable dreams of a Greek God man would turn down the opportunity to jump in bed with him.  Her inhibitions, of not being good enough or attractive enough compared to him in naked real life, controls her conscious decision.

In essence, a woman has made her mind up pretty much immediately on whether she will be game or abstain, therefore a man has very little power in his armoury to change her mind.  Exceptions exist, but these are isolated exceptions. 

Once more, if ever there was any further proof or observational real-life evidence required, the most productive physically aesthetic level a man can be to attract cute and hot women is to be average to above-average looking.  

The last laugh

I find it a little head scratching that on the one hand she asks me to explain the friends with benefits/friend zone working, yet then she replies by stating she is seeing someone regularly on that basis.  She also had the opportunity, in the first conversation a few weeks ago, to say she was seeing someone when I asked her if she was in a relationship.

This all doesn’t add up to me.  It’s difficult to fully know, as it certainly isn’t beyond the realms of possibility for a low-end hot woman to have this set-up with an average looking man – and I assume he is (if he even actually exists?) mediocre in order for her to spend weeks looking at me as better eye candy – but generally a hot woman would properly date and be in a relationship with a less physically attractive man.

With all that said, and as I often say to myself and others, it doesn’t actually matter what the reason is.  The facts of the matter are, she has found a reason.  Ultimately, the end result is the same.

This is why I like the last laugh or words in these dynamics.  She most likely thought I would wilt like a flower and cry in my sleep with her subscription of giving another man what I suggested for myself – hence no strings attached sex.  By ridiculing her (and in a way the 'man' in her life too) in firmly calling her out for eyeing me up on numerous occasions, there is very little she can fire back with.  If she did (which she hasn’t), rest assured she will get it back once more with an extra couple of reality bullets flying through the air this time.

Q-tip 2:

The unfortunate circumstance is that many women effectively use the best-looking men as validation (of her beauty) figures, an attention gaining purpose, social proof exploitation, and a way to feel better about themselves.  Most of these women will not go any further than that.  I guess, if it is any consolation at all for men who have suffered such circumstances on a consistent basis, is that it simply comes with the territory of your male physical attractiveness blessings.

A final thought

I’ll hedge a fair bet that, based on many previous experiences of similar ilk, this woman will stop going to the gym on the days and times she knows I will be there.  If not immediately, I’ll expect her vanishing act to be in no more than a couple of weeks’ time.  If she does go off the face of the earth, it will just confirm that women don’t like to see men who they wish their egos would let their hearts be with. 

The other possibility will be to just act like I’m invisible, and consequently blanking me if we cross direct paths or are within close proximity.  I’d say this is less likely than the disappearing likelihood because a woman will always subconsciously and uncontrollably look at a man she is physically attracted to, with more conscious effort made to do this when he isn’t looking in her direction.  A woman seeing a man she is attracted to, compounded with the knowledge she could be with him, is a woman placed in an uncomfortable and even distressed emotional state.  This is why most women will remove themselves from this environmental discomfort.

And if she does execute regardless – in continuing the friendly interaction but with no intention to get down to any true action - then she clearly doesn’t give a shit after all!  We shall see…

Retrospective information

I wasn’t intending on writing this part, as up until this point all the above information was written over a couple of weeks ago.  Over the last couple of weeks however, she has surprised me somewhat.

Basically, the first week back into the new year and I was training my shoulders on a free bench next to a blonde aged in her early to mid-thirties with a cracking body (and a decent face too).  At the risk of a brag, I know this blonde likes me.  We have never spoken, but we have occasionally said hello.

As I’m training, the brunette in question comes over and sits on a bench right behind me.  Her acknowledgement was slightly awkward and with unease, but I straight away raised my eyebrows and said “morning”.  I continued training though, and then walked away to the smith machine after two men had given me the nod that they were nearly done on it (as I had asked them to do so).

It was quite amusing as I know she likes that machine on Wednesdays, but so do I and for a lot longer than she has been doing so.  I could see her looking over, although I have to confess that it was more to do with getting on that machine than her need to look at me. 

After a few minutes, she came over and asked if I had much longer.  I invited her to jump in between my sets, but she turned that proposition down.  I told her I would be about eight to ten minutes, but I added with a smirk that men do lie about how long they take.  She laughed and walked off.

As she walked towards me ten minutes later, she asked me if I had a nice new year.  After a small bit of chit chat (which included her listening to me explaining a relative being ill over new year), I accused her in light-humour of taking my 10kg weight.  As I walked past her, I bumped into her deliberately, concurrently saying in her ear, “I’ll get you one day.”  She smiled and carried on.

Then the Friday came along, and when she arrived, she immediately asked me how my relative was bearing up.  She didn’t stay long, and we continued with our workouts.  As she finalized about forty minutes later and walked towards the changing room, she looked in my direction in a 90-degree angle head move.  As she came out the changing room, she made a full turn round to wave goodbye.  I was about ten yards away.

The final, final thought 

Nevertheless, still no contact between us via texts.  There is clearly no benefit in me doing so now, and she obviously feels little need or urge on her part.

My ultimate conclusion is based on this:

·       She doesn’t have any true intention to take things further with me, but the thought of me being with another woman (especially a woman she would know of, hence in the gym) brings a heart-sinking feeling to her.  This explains the need to sit so close to me and the blonde the other day.

·       Aligned to the above, for every time she talks to me is a time I cannot talk to another woman.  Further than that, other women may believe we are an item (which will arouse other women, but not necessarily benefit me overall).

·       She likes the social proof which is brought by talking to me.

·       It’s a bit of attention, and no woman turns down attention.

·       Although most women represent this habit, this woman is even more representative of a female mind who gives more when a man gives little (hence when he is apathetic and passive), and who gives less when a man gives more (hence when he shows interest and willingness).  Women like her aren’t very good in relationships, because ultimately once in a relationship, her boredom kicks in due to the challenge being taken away.

Q-tip 3:

Women are as complex as any puzzle you will encounter in your life.  If you don’t solve the puzzle, the question marks and frustration will continue.  Once you solve the overall puzzle however, you just move onto another puzzle that needs a bit of time and thought process to solve once more in a bespoke fashion.

Just to totally wrap this up, it is worth a few more updates.  On the Monday just gone (after the Friday friendliness on her part), she pretty much made no effort to converse.  I cut short the conversation after a barely a minute.

She did me a favour, as it was the first time I had seen her with her legs showing in the flesh.  She was carrying way more weight than the leggings ever suggested.  This isn’t sour grapes, but honest words – I remember walking away thanking my lucky stars that I could now draw a line under that with no further interest on my part.

Kind of aligning to what I suggested above, she hasn’t been in since.  In a roundabout, my predictions of her appearance habits seem right.

Friday, 7 January 2022

Has COVID changed the landscape of dating?

 

“Don’t be afraid of change, but ensure you stay true to yourself.”

  

Zachariah asks for my thoughts on the back of this previous post.  Bear in mind this is only the second half of his comment: 

I’m guarding against bitterness because while I know no one who is born is entitled to reciprocation from the opposite gender, it is tough to be categorized as “not worth pursuing”. I have strong ties to my family, solid values with loyalty at the forefront of it, and I’m rejected at the initial interaction because of my appearance or assumptions women make about me. I’m socially calibrated and have had zero issue making male friends this year.

You’ve said to take it as a backhanded compliment, and I agree. I’m doing that for sure. But I wonder if you have any advice on how to navigate it now that COVID has changed the landscape of dating? I can’t say for certain, but it feels like women are far more wary of me and you’ve detailed that nicely here. Like even at bars the vibe is way different than it was prior to March 2020 where women are not flirty or seemingly open to anything. I wonder if you’ve noticed that as well. I’m considering online dating more as I don’t know another way at the moment.

My response: 

There are two main topics to cover embedded in your question, and I’ll try and offer a main solution/delivery advice to both. 

Your high value intimidating most women

I feel like little more needs to be said in reference to this issue, because so many posts and so many explanations have been subscribed to in this blog to explain the reasoning behind it.  Also, based on your comment it is clear you are pretty much fully comprehendible to why you are encountering constant rejection.

With that said and based on a synopsis, your high value (which doesn’t include extreme fame, social status or wealth in order to mitigate or eradicate your predicament) – good looks, impressive physique, social savviness, top 1% earnings, solid personality, family values etc – simply places you in a position where over 95% (and most likely nearer 99%) of women don’t (without them verbally admitting this) feel good enough for you, and they are in turn intimidated by you.  Add on the fact that your presence most likely rubs them up the wrong way (hence prickles their egos and self-value negatively), and their receptiveness of your existence is rarely a positive one.

What can you do about this?  I offer some suggestions:

·       Find a way to move into these women’s (women you see as girlfriend material, or just want to bang if that’s your objective) social gatherings.  I fully concur that this is becoming all the more difficult, as will be explored further down, but what this achieves is an opening (pardon the pun!) for these women to see that there is more to your overall offerings than just being a handsome man.  It is so much easier for a cute or hot woman to be receptive and sexually forthcoming to a hot man’s advances when she knows him personally.  This goes a long way to explaining why younger good-looking men (aged 18 to 23) are more prominent to be seen with same or similar aged comparative looking women than equivalent looking men (allowing for the maturity of his looks, which is usually better looking than his younger self of that age range) of 25 or older.

·       If the above is not feasible, continue to approach women in a humble and pleasant manner.  Don’t be too nice though.  Some women will still abstain from any social engagement with you, but a good deal will at least acknowledge you and have a chat (even if they have no intention to take things further with you).  First, approaching women becomes second nature the more you do it, irrespective of the outcome.  Second, it grows your confidence to consistently engage with women, once more irrespective of the outcome.  Third, the woman showing interest in you will hardly ever approach you, therefore the worst that can happen is she will say no.

·       Screen for women on a similar social class standing to you.  Even if she is as or more physically attractive than you, if a woman immediately thinks you are significantly more intelligent, educated, and smart than her, the lion’s share of these women will not move on with you due to feeling inferior.  This is why most hot women (based on a high percentage of hot women not attaining much between the ears) are with the dense, jerky kind of man who is on a similar intellect and social class level to her.

·       Only hit on women more physically attractive than you.  This is an incredibly low percentage play if you are a top end good-looking man, but at least most of these women won’t have their noses put out of joint when they see you.  A rare 9/10 woman will actually enjoy seeing an 8.5/10 man, even if she still prefers to date a 7.5/10 man in actuality.

·       Finally, whilst I strongly suggest you do not do this, putting on a quite a bit of weight – which will both make your body and face look less aesthetically pleasing – will reduce the amount of women auto-rejecting you by a significant percentage.  The likelihood is you will go from a hot guy to merely above average (say, 7/10 to 7.75/10) in this respect.  Reading between the lines, this is where you were placed before you sharpened up your build?  I’m a firm believer that you should, in majority cases, do what makes you happy over and above trying to please a woman (ironically, many women prefer this approach anyway, contrary to them telling you the opposite), however it would be wrong of me to ignore the reality that this change in your physical appearance will open a greater number of opportunities in this respect.

What has COVID changed in the dating landscape?

First, we need to take a step back to the good old days before COVID-19 entered our lives.  The reason this must be emphasised is, whilst COVID/social distancing/lockdowns/social restrictions have compounded what is to be elaborated on, I noticed a growing trend of this occurrence nearly ten years ago.  This only grew year on year based on my observations.

In essence, it became pronounced that women, even in established cities (hence not just “clicky” small towns or villages) started to become obsessed with their small social networks.  I’m not talking about having a thousand Facebook friends, as anyone can achieve this if they put the pitiful time in to try and be popular, but more to do with the apparent good feeling it was to have an identity within a small group of friends.

Usually, this small social group would include men too.  I expect, having never been part of one of these groups, that a good deal of these men were just platonic blue balls guys who stood no chance of getting laid with the same grouped women, but some of these men on the other hand would have been receiving sexual joy.

I put this down to the social media platform emergence that picked up true pace in the UK around 2007.  At first it most likely didn’t have much impact, but as each year passed, women (and a portion of men too in a different motivational way) became obsessed with their popularity, social proof standing, and good time girl exposure.  This is all fed by drama, and if you throw a few men into the social pool, and consequently create a few events where some of the women got it on with some of the men, then a fabrication of their own little soap opera or reality TV show within their own little life was the end result.  Sad, but true.

This phenomenon made it harder, to an extent, for men like me (and probably you too).  As someone who has never really enjoyed the company of women when they are in groups (as I feel I only get the true woman when she is on her own with me), the main way I have met women post University days is through pure and simple social interaction, cold approach, or coincidentally bumping into someone.  If increased women have strayed towards dating men within their small social networks – whether that be via mixed-sexed friendship groups, work, friend of a friend, or family links – it manifests in a narrower and shallower pond for me to fish in, so to speak.

As for your point on this subject about COVID, it’s associated vibes, and women seemingly being less flirty and open (once more, pardon the pun!), you are most definitely not imagining things.  My nights out of any kind in the last eighteen months to two years have been minimal at best, but my conclusion is it doesn’t take more than your own two eyes and ears to realize COVID has compounded what was already growing at a rapid rate.

So yes, COVID has just given women further reason to interact with and date men they only know on a personal degree, and to be less receptive to men they do not know.  By no mean coincidence, a high percentage of low to mediocre sought-after men belong to the former group, and a decent percentage of high sought-after men consist in the latter.

Q-tip:

As social media popularity and usership has grown, people’s social skills and confidence to interact with people they don’t know personally has diminished.  This has led to women, and men to a lesser extent, to seek for comfort in small groups of people they know on close ties.  COVID-19 and it’s associated by-products, whilst escalating this tendency, has only given people a further excuse, comfort, and justification to continue in what they were already socially conducting.

Any good news?

No matter how negative a situation appears to be in life, I always like to view it as a battery that in each case there is a positive at the other end.  As explained in the post you commented on, a lot of these men will now frustrate their girlfriends due the more time they have spent together.  This may give opportunities to men like you if you’re in the right place at the right time. 

Online dating as a way out….

I feel for you in terms of believing there is no other way, but I can equally relate to what you are saying.  Forgive me for not recalling your age (if you did ever subscribe to it in the first place?), but just be aware, if you have not been on a dating website before, that most women are post 30 in age.  I’d even say 35 and over, based on my memory many years ago.

Once more from my limited online dating experience, I would possibly find one woman in every hundred who I found physically attractive based on the pictures.  Even then, there was no guarantee that it wasn’t a fake photograph or from considerable younger years.  Nevertheless, the long and the short of it is, unless the calibre of women on American dating websites is significantly better than the United Kingdom equivalents, do not expect to see hoards of women on there you would like to bang.

It’s probably worth a stab though, just to at least tick off that box as tried.  If so, base your immediate message engagement as you would do in real life – situational opener (something based on her unique look or photo activity) mixed with a small degree of flirty language, but not too dirty, predictable, or words that are just going to give a woman an ego boost of attention thrill.  Even on online dating websites, a substantial proportion of women will have a greater motivation for attention over genuinely trying to find love.

Good luck mate.

Saturday, 1 January 2022

Women do not mentally evolve for the better

 

“Summer bodies are made in winter.”

  

Maybe it’s something nothing more than coincidental about the Christmas build up and into the new year, but pretty much every year I have an experience to draw on and a story to tell with a member of the opposite sex.  In some cases, it was simply a steady girlfriend, irrespective to whether we were in a happy relationship or not.  Some were shorter flings that suited me nicely (and suited them too on occasions).  Others, and I have no problem admitting this was the case, especially when I was much younger, would leave me with that (what I thought was then) broken heart and desperate feeling of hating life.

In the early days (16 to 20 years of age), I couldn’t get my head around the whole thing.  The build up to Christmas would generally be warm-hearted, sincere, and very much enjoyable, before the lies, bullshit reasoning and disappearing acts took their normal course of events.  Up until 21, I pretty much couldn’t listen to George Michael’s “Last Christmas” song without thinking he was singing about guys like me.  If the truth be told, I started each January not looking positively forward to a new year.

The last two years

Being much older and experienced today, in addition to, I hope, being a good deal wiser, what once frustrated me and left me with a bitter taste in my mouth has now transformed into a water off a duck’s back attitude and ahead of the game mentality in expecting the female lies and nonsense stories to never be too far away.  That being said, the disappointment still floats on the periphery for each time this expectation of women’s misdemeanours occurs.  I guess the fragment of ideology and hope, that still exists in my soul for the person I am today, believes that one day there is a woman out there who can act with the honesty, integrity and maturity I once naively thought would be a by-product of women getting past their immature teens/early twenties and into a grown-up woman.  Fat chance…

And case in point, the last two years have brought about women (aged 23 and 25) who acted just like the women I knew back in the early days of dating.  Transparent and constant interest in me (hence, bed eyes and proximity alerts) brought about my approach.  Numbers were exchanged.  They could talk the talk about their availability (hence saying they were single).  And almost in true predictability, their actions couldn’t back up their talk.  In essence, they both ran a mile.

Once more in predictable fashion, both made extraordinarily little effort to stay in touch post the first interaction.  I certainly know enough about text game in terms of limiting the quantity, length and content, therefore it cannot be seen as an over-zealous mistake.  Far from it.  What made me laugh on both counts was the consistent language where both women claimed they were so busy.  The first year we were in partial lockdown, so I’m not too sure what she was doing to be so socially active.  When this year’s broad claimed the same excuse (which was actually in a conversation at the gym), my reaction in sarcasm was as plain as “Oh really.”

Are women even bothered when men have sussed them out?

I’ve called out more than a few women for their bullshit in this context over the years.  I’m a firm believer that this needs to be delivered in a more humoured and sarcastic manner, as a man who is too firm and hostile in this respect comes across as a man who cares too much.  That said, it is better to call out a woman in aggressive mode than to not do it at all.  A man who never condemns a woman’s shortcomings when it comes to her lying to him is a man who is basically giving a woman a free meal ticket to trample all over him for every second he exists.

Q-tip 1:

A woman needs to know you are onto her misdemeanours, but she needs to know this can’t hurt you.  Be the firm, rubber ball that isn’t afraid to stand up to her, but equally a man who will move onto something else if she continues in this way.  If you do not show this level of authority from the get-go, the only loser in this dynamic will be you. 

Bringing it back to whether a woman is bothered about a man sussing her out, I lean towards two answers:

·       Women are so accustomed to being around men who don’t call them out on their lies – hence lapdogs, nice guys and ass kissers - that they are almost defaulted for it to go over them and they can convince their minds that he has not sussed her out.  It’s a kind of bizarre 360-degree thought-process where, especially if being called out in a subtle way, they actually think said man believes her.

·       A woman attains such a self-blameless perception and vision of her life – in which she is always the victim of everything and never the culprit – that no matter what she does wrong it can always be excused and justified.  Most women will always convince themselves that any lie or bullshit devised story is only because she is trying to protect those around her.  So, in a once more quizzical way (if you do not understand the way women emotionally and psychologically function), a woman with this mindset can pretty much lie for the rest of her life, and on a constant and consistent basis.  There are ultimately no repercussions.  

What happens down the line

On more than a few occasions, these women who disappeared and lied to me rejuvenated their interest in me later that year.  This happened with the anecdotal woman a year ago, and it was explained in this post. 

If this happens to you, then you have a few options:

·       Hopefully you have found a better woman than her, in which you can confirm this to run-back woman and perhaps even give her some home truths to how she fell below the bar you expected.

·       If you are still single, go into it knowing that the likelihood is she will do the same things again.  That said, I’m a big believer that it is far easier and attainable to make a woman act in accordance and with integrity when you are having sex with her, than when you are effectively chasing her as a potential girlfriend or sex partner.  In the initial stages, and when she has fallen in love with you, at least.

·       Finally (if you are still single), contemplate whether you stick by your principles and do not venture on with her.  Much depends on whether you can emotionally distance yourself from the games she will most likely play again in the preliminary stages, as her crave for attention outweighs her attraction onto you.  If you can, give her another chance up until the point she strays back to her immature and lying ways.  If deep down you know you can’t remove your heart from her games, I’d advise leaving it well alone, and in turn exert your energy onto finding another woman. 

Q-tip 2:

It’s all good and well thinking you can emotionally distance yourself from a woman, but this is easier said than done.  If you are physically attracted to a woman, and this is further escalated if you enjoy her company too, then rest assured that said woman will use up your mental and physical energy.  Only your experience and brain muscle memory mitigate the amount of this energy expenditure.

Any man saying he can always remove his emotions from women is either only nailing low sought-after women or, far more probably, is lying.

A final thought

During this Christmas period, I expect many of you have spent more time with your mothers than you have done so in any other given period within the last calendar year.  I also expect that, at times, she has frustrated the hell out of you with some of her mannerisms, personality traits, or general character portray.  If you aren’t one of these men, then you are one of the lucky ones.

Maybe she has disappointed you in the past, in spite of you once, in addition to your father and siblings, being in awe of her during your childhood days.  Has she even committed a misdemeanour that once or twice left you in shame?

Nevertheless, I hope, in respect to her shortcomings, you have also acknowledged her strengths and the things you like about her in that same timeframe.  I’ve always thought that some men become too close to their mothers (and become weak men / “Mummy’s Boys”), however a balance can be struck where you find the middle ground between distance and love.  In a similar way, I guess there is a balance between idolisation (most likely when you were a kid) and occasional disappointment (when you became an adult).

And in view of the purpose of this post, I bet your Mum would give her life for your welfare, she never (or rarely!) lies to you, she thinks of you all the time, she would give her last dollar to you even if her sacrifice was starvation, and she worries every hour of the day in concern to whether life is getting you down or the better of you?  Have you ever met a woman, girlfriend, fiancĂ© or wife where you could honestly say she ticks each, or even any, of those boxes?  I very much doubt it.

Happy New Year, and I wish you all the health and happiness in 2022.

Tuesday, 21 December 2021

Have winter boyfriends been compromised?

  

“Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

(Winston Churchill)

  

How much has changed since this previous post was published over eight years ago?  Some may argue a fair bit, whilst I expect many more will say it is very little.  I still stand to the latter by and large, however the last couple of winters have made me question this somewhat.

I also published this post over eighteen months ago – around the time when COVID-19 was on the lips of pretty much everybody.  What a crying shame we are still talking about it as we draw towards the 2021 close, and it may well only become worse from a global perspective over the coming weeks and months.  The post in question explored how the then existing pandemic predicaments would impact the trends of women’s choices in men, and the respective normal seasonal preferences in turn.

The background

Just over a year ago, I saw a hot brunette in the gym during the early morning.  Over roughly a couple of weeks I had sensed a passing, although not blatant, interest from her onto my presence.  She was a solid 8.25/10, and her dedication to training was decent if not enthusiastic.

One day I went up to her and asked how many sets she had left on the quadricep machine.  She answered with slight hostility that it was two more sets.  I replied by saying I would wait based on it was the last exercise left on my day, and I stood about a metre away.  I could feel her discomfort, which to me was not a terrible thing.

After her penultimate set, I asked her a question.  Without eye contact, she pointed to her headphones.  I raised my eyes in disapproval, but then waited on.  As she wiped up the equipment on completion, I started a conversation that processed as such:

“There you go, that wasn’t so hard was it?”

“What do you mean?”

“That wasn’t so hard – to be nice.”

“Oh, I’m always like that in the morning.”

“Right, so I shouldn’t take it personally then?” 

At that stage, she predicably walked away.  I recall only seeing her on one more occasion over the next three months (in spite of me still going regularly at that time in the morning), and then we went into UK lockdown for the months of January through to middle of April.

When the gyms did reopen on April 12th, she was in there on the first day.  The first thing I noticed was how much weight she had lost.  Gone were the nice curves, and now too thin for my tastes.  Nevertheless, I never saw her again for another seven months post that day.

Then one day….

Just over a month ago, I walked towards the exit door on a Sunday morning after my session.  I could see an attractive brunette wearing a cap walking towards the door, therefore I held it open for her. 

Whilst expecting little acknowledgement from her (based on the sheer law of averages of pretty women’s responses towards me), she just walked past me with no gratitude.  In anticipation this was going to occur, as she gained alongside me, I raised my voice in her ear to say:

“Don’t thank me will you!?”

In case you have not worked it out, it was the same girl (although I have to admit that it took me a few minutes later to realize this).  With the curves back too!

A week later

Five days later, I went towards the floor area where I perform lunges.  After a couple of minutes, I noticed she was working out on the cable machine.  Expecting her to either give me an acrimonious stare or, more likely, to totally ignore me, she, to my absolute surprise, did neither.  What she actually did, with no discretion, awkwardness or fronting whatsoever, was to give me the most genuine and friendly smile a woman could give to a man.

As she did it, I kind of just looked at her in a slight negative mood, although this could be excused based on the eye contact being during my set.  She looked away, and I then went to jump on a free machine I required. 

Around that same time, she moved over to another machine.  A personal trainer who works there walked up to her, and they must have had a ten to fifteen minute conversation.  There was truly little chemistry between them, but I assumed they were in a relationship.  He is a run of the mill slightly above mediocre man in overall physical attractiveness terms. 

Another week passed, and I walked from one side of the gym to the other.  I could see her eyes looking at me in total admiration, but I strolled to the area I needed to be.  Once more, the same guy went to talk to her shortly after I had seen her.

Then the following week….

On the Monday, I saw her looking at me as I walked towards the area she sat.  This time I smiled at her, but I worked out away from her vicinity.  Along came Wednesday, and she went to the smith machine next to me.  Between each set, I picked up on her crafty look over, although I was sneakily looking over to her just as much.  On the Friday, I walked up to her to talk, but as soon as I did, she walked off.

Then the Sunday came along, and she was training at 8.30am.  I had never seen her there on that day of the week/at that time before.  We crossed paths once more at the end of my workout, and this time she nervously looked at me before immediately looking away.

I started a conversation with her as she sat on the shoulder fly machine, and whilst at first looking uncomfortable, I could tell in her facial expression and body language that she was willing to engage in conversation.  After a few minutes I asked her if she was in a relationship, to which, whilst not looking me in the eye as she spoke, answered by clearly saying she was not.  I took her number.

The common theme

I messaged her later that day, but she didn’t reply.  However, I saw her the following morning (on the Monday) and she went out her way to say something.  We then had a brief chat before I informed her I was short of time, concluding that I had messaged her.  She said she intended to reply.

Then the following Wednesday came, and as she walked across the gym she ensured acknowledgement was made between the two of us.  As she later walked past me, she again said that she will reply.  On the Friday, having still not replied to me, we were never any closer than ten metres from each other.  Occasional glances were made, but no interaction.

How does all this come together?

Allow me to manifest in bullet points:

·       The likelihood is she has a boyfriend (the personal trainer).

·       She is content at best with him, or unhappy at worst (and wants out).

·       She has seen a higher calibre of man in her environment.

·       She is interested in the other man, hence saying she is not in a relationship.

·       Her interaction with the other man is noticeably when the boyfriend is not there.

·       Christmas is around the corner, and splitting with her boyfriend now is not nice.

·       She has refrained from messaging the other man to prevent any guilt on her part.

·       She wants to leave the door open for a new avenue in the near term.

The above reasons are based only on my possible thoughts derived from objective occurrence.  I could always be wrong though.  Maybe the fantasy of a higher sought-after man is better in a fantasy mind than in reality, and she has realized a safer bet (and someone who makes her feel better about herself due to his lesser physical looks) is the path she will reluctantly choose.  We can all say we will sky dive off Mount Everest, but it’s not so easy once there.

A final thought

The long and the short of all this, and a long-winded way to explain and conclude the main purpose to this post, is that the dynamics of COVID-19/lockdown/social restrictions/social habit changes have taken away some of the seasonal tendency women take pre pandemic.  Whereas many women would once have opted to not have boyfriends during spring and summer months, and then snuck up with beta boyfriend during autumn and winter, it has (for the last two years) more or less become a twelve-month annual process in sticking with her man.

What this ultimately has resulted in is a stronger emotion to become irritated with beta boyfriend in the autumn and winter.  As said woman has spent time with him for the six months prior, her tolerance, patience and appreciation of him come October is not as strong as it once was.  This may be a strong reason why more women will not be so loyal and committed to their boyfriends in colder months for the foreseeable future.

Take-aways from this post

·       Women will lie about anything, with very little remorse attached to this speech.  They find ways of convincing their minds that lies are a by-product of being a good person in not desiring to hurts another’s feelings.

·       Women will keep their options open when they, deep down, know the man they are with has a shelf-life expiry coming up.

·       A woman is always on the lookout for a man she believes can give her a better life and enhanced happiness.

·       If a woman lies about her relationship status, you can look at it two ways.  If she has a boyfriend but says she has not, this is a good sign to the man pursuing her.  On the other hand, if she does not have a boyfriend but says she has, she naturally has no intention (and usually no attraction, although exceptions exist) to venture on with the pursuing man.

·       Some women, in spite of knowing a “better” man could be within her grasp, may opt to not enter a relationship with him if he is a man who attracts too many other women.

·       If a woman is still dating a man who she holds thoughts in dumping, she will still usually have enough discretion to not talk to other men when he is around.

·       An (unhappy) attached woman will go out of her way to place her existence in the eyes of other men she is attracted to when her current boyfriend will not be within the same environment.

·       If a woman (whether attached or not) is very attracted to a man, but for certain reasons she cannot pursue or chooses not to pursue with him, the vast majority of women in these scenarios will halt going to places where she will see him.

·       In spite of all, it is rare a woman will dump her boyfriend in the December days (or even middle to late November) leading up to Christmas Day.  Most women still have a conscience and a decent heart, assisted with the presents she knows she will receive from a man likely boxing above his weight.

Q-tip:

This is all the more reason for nice guys (especially nice guys punching above their weight) to be firmer, more argumentative, and more selfish in order to keep their girlfriends interested and sexually active.  The more time a woman spends with a man, the less she appreciates him.  The more time a man spends with a woman, the more he needs to test her and ensure she never takes him for granted.  This does not, if you haven’t already worked it out, come as the result of being a lapdog and kissing her bum.