How rough with women in bed?

 

“A man who can improvise to any given situation, or a man who masters minimal tasks?”

 

Rolexhandyman asks for my thoughts on a subject never fully elaborated on during the lifespan of this blog:

As usual Ive read most of your stuff, i have yet to read an essay about how you actually go about treating a girl in the bedroom. As I’ve been coaching a small group of teenage boys to understand the gender dynamics, I revert to your essays for clarification. So I ask, if this does not come off too personal. How do you treat a quick lay girl( fuck buddy ) vs girlfriend in the bedroom. Can you dive in more in details, is it true as a man you have to degrade them as much as one can ? Thank you Vinay. Loyal reader here.

My response:

You are right, I have never covered this topic in great depth.  With this being said, all the lessons you will have learnt and literature absorbed over the years within this blog regarding female emotional psychology, general trends, and the differing types of female characters to suit, should entwine with what I am about to advise.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                        A man should be as rough in bed with a woman as he can, to the point where it does not border onto any negative consequences.

Rolexhandyman, without stating it as such, is perhaps almost answering his own question with implied words.  That is, you need to tailor your bedroom game to suit the necessary female character.  If I am right in this thought, he is pretty much correct.

With this being said, it is too simplistic to just think any woman wants it as rough in bed as she can physically take.  There are too many variables within a female character that need to be considered, which in turn needs to be assessed in how you go about with your aggressive nature.

Fuck buddy girl

A fuck buddy girl should, by and large, be treated like nothing more than a no strings attached lay.  When you channel your mind to only wanting to be with her for sex, and she feels the same way (which is not as common from a woman’s perspective), a man should be very forthright in his directions, thrusts, bedroom decision making, positions, and mentality with this kind of woman.

A woman who is a fuck buddy is, by vast majority, a bit of a slut.  Exceptions do exist, and this exception is most prominent with a woman who is so desperate to be with the man who is fucking her that she believes by giving him none committal sex, he will eventually take down his guard, give her full loyalty and exclusivity, and find a way to love her for who she is and not what she gives.

Nevertheless, whilst there are many women like this who have a longer view based on opened their legs, it does not conceal from most of them being on the cheap side.  In easy analysis, the cheaper the girl, the dirtier she is.  The dirtier she is, the rougher she likes it. 

Rough sex scale requirement = 8 (occasionally 9) out of 10

The perennial slut

To use a football (soccer!) analogy, if the fuck buddy girl is champion of the Premier League, the perennial slut is the winner of the Champions League.  Whilst a fuck buddy girl is cheap, easy, uncommitted and dirty, a lot of these women are only sleeping with one man in the same given timeframe.  Whilst this is still not good girlfriend material action, it is better than a woman who sleeps around.

Some sluts are unapologetic in their lifestyle, to the point of bragging and seeking troll points for how many men they can find to sleep with them.  This bragging is worthless however, such is the fact it is so much easier for a woman to find a man to sleep with her than the inverse. 

Sluts of extreme nature – who are sleeping with more than two men in the same small time span – should be treated like a piece of meat.  A man in this dynamic should give her his all, shower her with all semen he attains, and let her know he is the one in control (although a good conventional ride by her and reverse cowgirl position should be very much accommodated).  No more questions required.

Rough sex scale requirement = 10

The lesser slag

This woman sits in between the fuck buddy girl and the perennial slut.  She is neither sleeping with just one man on a none commitment basis (hence fuck buddy girl), nor is she sleeping with any man she can lay her hands on (hence the perennial slut).

The lesser slag is a woman who any half alerted man will have come across on numerous occasions, but as men are not fast on the pulse in terms of why women act the way they do, these men never quite fathom the female psychology that sits behind their (women’s) reasoning behind their directives.

I have dated more than a few women who had close friends where I compartmentalized them as lesser slags.  In essence, lesser slags receive a little compassion from me, because they are not actually sleeping around through choice.  They are sleeping around because they are desperate for a man to commit to them.

Consequently, these women would like nothing more than to find a man, let him take her on a few dates before sleeping with him, and venturing onto a long term relationship.  The problem is, whether through poor choice, bad advice, or simply not being attractive enough to play the hard get game, they end up finding a man (maybe on a night out or through a network) and sleeping with him straight away.

As much as men do like the fantasy of easy access to sex, any honest man will admit that, on the basis he is looking for a long term girlfriend, he prefers it if she makes him wait a while.  I am not talking like months, but perhaps a few dates or weeks. 

With this evaluated, it is no coincidence that a lot of men who find lesser slags do not stick around.  This enforces the lesser slag, who let us not forget once more holds a stronger (or as strong) inclination for love than sex, to rinse repeat her actions with another man the following week.  Therefore, whilst she may not be sleeping with more than one man during a timeframe, she is sleeping with a lot of men during a small space of time.  Ultimately she is in need of a boyfriend, and she gives it up easily, even if with some reluctance to her actions, in hope this leads to his commitment.

Rough sex scale requirement = 8

The Homely Girl

The traits of homely girls have been explained many times in the past, therefore I will not convolute much on this.  In easy summary, homely girls love the life of a boyfriend, all the time, and are not really into going out in female parties. 

You could argue that a small proportion of homely girls carry lifestyle similarities of lesser slags due to their inner need to find a man, but the difference between the two groups are that, generally speaking, homely girls do not supply sex on a plate for men.  They have prides, not so much big egos though, that place a barrier in front of their crotch to avoid coming across as too easy or cheap.

Once with boyfriend, a homey girl’s character translates to the bedroom.  Although this kind of woman is the most loyal, faithful, and often likeable woman of all female characters (at least with men who do not put her nose out of joint due to him being more physically attractive than her), her natural shy demeanour often means she is not very experimental in bed.  In addition, and at the risk of sounding harsh, she is often not the best in bed too.

All this manifests to leading a man to act with caution in terms of how rough he should be in bed with said homely girl.  My advice is to start off slow, caring, and considerate, with plenty of kissing and foreplay to make her feel valued.  Each time, a man should crank up the aggression, to the point of stopping where it is obvious he is stepping over the threshold of pinnacle productivity to how she likes it.

Rough sex scale requirement = 6 to start with (moving up to 7 or beyond if allowed)

Girl’s girls / high maintenance women / High egotistical women

These women have all been bracketed in one group, because the similarities in their female mentality – and their high self-opinions – combine to pretty much form one.  In other words, a typical girl’s girl will also possess high maintenance traits and a big ego.

Women of this nature attain self-opinions of themselves, and expectations of what men and the world should provide for them, way over and above any of the aforementioned female types.  This woman can be arrogant, unlikeable, unapproachable, unengaging, and hold a thought-process that no man, outside of being filthy rich or famous, is good enough for her.

With this said, a lot of this high self-admiration is a front.  Most of my girlfriends have been girl’s girls, and whilst I by no means detract from how I described them above, they can also be some of the best women you will find.

For one, I find these women to be the most physically attractive.  I think this is more than a coincidence.  Second, due to their somewhat narcissism and high expectations, you will not find many women of this kind who either sleep around with loads of men or, equally who lay it on a plate for a man.  If anything, these women make men work too hard.  Third, once they have been cracked and put down their guards, they are very loyal to start with.

Nevertheless, whilst they are as loyal and faithful as the homely girl in the short term, these positives hold a shorter shelf life due to their inclination to think that the male partner can do more for her (spend more money on her, get a better house, etc).  This usually results in her looking elsewhere sooner rather than later, until she concedes that her beauty is not what it is and the numbers of sought after men are dwindling.  Her acceptance of this predicament almost always arrives later than the reality of it happening.

In respect to the bedroom, these women are really the hardest to pitch.  I have dated one girl’s girl who wanted it harder (and telling me this mid-flow too, I should add!) than I could even give it to her, to one who was extremely reactive and often just lay there waiting for me to get on with it.  For clarity, both were of similar hotness (I would even say the goldfish in the sheets was hotter than the bed whore).

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 Some women’s egos, and their fixation with not coming across as cheap, halt them from being as zealous and relaxed in bed as they would like to be.

With this extreme variable in mind, I go with the majority who leaned more to the extent of the bed whore than the goldfish.  Most of them like it rough, but is has to be in accordance with the woman.  My advice is, if in doubt, go as rough as possible.  The law of averages will be on your side.

Rough sex scale requirement = 8 to start with (moving up over time)

A final thought

The numbers as given illustrate a generic answer to the purpose of this post.  A man, in any situation at the beginning, should never go below a 6 out of 10 in the roughness scale with a woman in the bedroom.  It will usually need to be 7 and above, even at the start.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                   Most women like rougher sex than most men are brave enough to give it them. 

Caveat to above:                                                                                                                       Do not mistake porn examples for real life rough sex.  Most women like rough sex, but they also hold prides that enforce a mindset to not come across as a slut.  Finding that balance is one that experience will offer you.

To answer Rolexhandyman’s final point then, no, there will not be many occasions where a man degrading a woman as much as he can will be advantageous to him.  The times it is, will usually be with the lowest calibre (least physically attractive) of women out there.

A final, final thought

Just for fun, allow me to give you my opinion of the percentage breakdown to the women I have exemplified.  It is important to note that nearly all women will not always belong to one group over a longer timeframe, but these estimates are based on what they end up being in majority cases.

Fuck Buddy Girl = 2%

Perennial Slut = 1%

Lesser Slag = 10%

Homely Girl = 83%

Girl’s Girl = 4%

In other words, and in spite of women undoubtedly becoming looser, more promiscuous, and further liberated over recent decades, the fact is that the vast majority of women are not giving sex to men on a platter.  Those who are, tend to be women I would not be aroused enough to sleep with anyway.

Alpha Male true origin explanation

 

                                   “He who strives attention is a product of weakness.                                       He who obtains attention with no expenditure is a manufacture of excellence.”

  

There was a personal trainer in the gym I went to for many years within a small town (Burton upon Trent) who I became familiar with mainly because the locals I trained with, who were also friends of mine, were on speaking terms with him.  He was always chatty and friendly when they were around, but it did not take long to realize how his eye contact with me was minimal.  At the time, one could say this was simply because he was not familiar with me.

As the months (and subsequent years - as he basically never changed what I am about to explain) passed by, his negative and awkward body language around me was as pronounced as any honest person would face up to and admit.  When we walked past each other, one on one and with no one either side of each of us, as I held solid eye contact, he would look down.  When I was with my training buddies and he was in the vicinity either on his own or with a client, he would go out his way to criticize my form at any given opportunity.  Granted, there were times when this critique was justified on his part, but I clearly recall one of the other dude’s technique being worse than mine, yet this PT would not be as verbal towards him.

Another amusing year on year poor execution and attitude on is part was to, around the late springtime, comment on why I was so tanned.  The first time he introduced this topic, I replied by saying it was simply because I was mixed-race, and that the sun hits me very easily.  I kid you not, the following year he approached the subject in the exact same bitter and hostile manner.  This time I responded by smirking and saying:

“Did we not have this same conversation a year ago?”

He just put his head down and tried to appease things by muttering words to the effect that I was lucky.

I will also never forget one more amusing encounter on a random weekday.  I could not train on that particular early morning due to work commitments, therefore I went in around 4pm.  After a quick workout and shower, he asked me with fear in his question why I was training at this time.  His concern was obvious.  It is no coincidence that a lot more bangable women train in the late afternoon and early evening in comparison to early mornings, and he feared that if I changed my routine to this nature, the girls he liked would naturally spot my presence.

His physical appearance

As no great surprise with regards to his apparent acrimony and jealousy towards me, I sum up his physical appearance as follows:

·       5 ft 9” in height

·       Very good natural physique

·       Average facially in looks terms

·       Bald / Shaven head

·       Pale skin (he liked to tan, but went red as a pickled lobster to start with)

Does this kind of physical summary make you think of anyone or anything that strikes to mind?  Basically, he was that typical above average (but no more) man in overall physical attractiveness.  The perennial 7/10 guy.

As a mention of his non-physical appearance credentials, he had an unenviable (but not his fault, just genetics I assume) high pitched voice tone.  I never saw him drive a car, although he did live in the town centre that would have been easily within walking distance from the gym.  Being a personal trainer and based on him attaining a decent list of clients from what I saw and heard, his income would have been rewarding without being exceptional.

A bit more background

Did anyone notice the small-town information in the first paragraph.  Basically, being a personal trainer in a small town would make him a well-known guy, as he pretty much was with many.  A man attaining high social status accompanied with above average (but not great) physical attractiveness will, providing he held decent other offerings, be a dream ticket for a high percentage of women. 

I know of a few women he had nailed.  None of them were outstanding, but the ones I knew of were a minimum 7/10.  I do not doubt there were many more.  As a woman gets the word around that a man has nailed women that she knows, this only attracts said woman as well.  It is a compounding positive – the more women who have sexual history with a man, the more other women are consequently attracted to him.

Why the long face around me, mate?

With all this considered, if he already possesses a portfolio of women around him, and a likely prospective female list awaiting, then why would this explain his hostility around me?  Before I elucidate the fundamental reason, allow to me to give you a small anecdote which still makes me chuckle to myself today.

One of my gym buddies (Andy), who was not a bad looking man at all himself, was (and still is) one of the great men of the world.  He is rarely negative about anything, and his positivity certainly radiates on others.  

With these natural traits, it gives an easy simplification to why he is an exceedingly rare man who never had a hesitation in complimenting me.  With rarity further exemplified, he embraced my existence rather than resenting it, and consequently he enjoyed being around me rather in contrast to avoidance.  The vast majority of men would not praise me (not that I would ask them to or go looking for it in the slightest) if their life depended on it, and they do anything possible to not be near me.

Andy was known to be proud of his good looks, although in fairness I would have rated him as the no more than the higher end of above average (7.5/10).  Another gym buddy and his best friend (part of our training group) asked Andy a few years ago if he thought he (as in Andy himself) was on a similar level to me.  Andy, in an absolute genuine and gratifying way, replied by saying “No chance”.

Andy later would label me as “Enrique” – as in Enrique Iglesias.  Whilst I could not say I was quite on that level, he was not the first person to mention the similarity.  One day Andy was having a chat with our personal trainer friend, and as I walked near them, Andy raised his voice to say, “Here he is, Enrique.”  He followed it up by telling the PT why he called me that.  He also said in front of the two of us (in reference to me) that “He is too good looking for his own good.”  I looked at the PT’s face, and it was not a pleasant reaction.  A little "Huh" is what I recall him muttering, once more with his head faced to the floor.

In a nutshell, that little story illustrates and emphasizes why this personal trainer was uncomfortable and, quite frankly, not amiable around me.  Add on the fact that it is no secret how women will, mainly for troll points, happily broadcast how hot they think a man they know is (even though the vast majority of these women would never choose to date or sleep with said hot man).  I would hedge a fair bet that more than a couple of women may have said this in front of him. 

The Alpha Male wannabe

One particular training day, the personal trainer gave us some useful tips on chest training.  The following day, as I was leaving the gym and he was in the reception area, I commented and thanked him on his good advice.  He was probably the friendliest he has ever been with me, although it was no coincidence that other people were around, and it was not just the two of us in isolation.

He started going off on one about how so many young men in there are training inefficiently, and that they are doing it to try and be the main man and an alpha male.  Kind of weirdly and unnecessarily, he straight away said – “Not that you are an alpha male.”  I thought it was a strange thing to say, as it did not have a true link to say that.  It was like he was going out of his way to try and say this and highlight such reassurance of the case in his own mind.

My hunch, and primarily the meat behind the bones of this post, is that he was implying, without saying it in words as such, that he was the alpha male in there.

The Alpha Male…. and his competitors

Here are a couple of celebrity male pictures that would, in my opinion, describe what men like to symbolize as the true alpha male.

Closely followed by the alpha male’s competitors, who are far more effortlessly taking away the female attention from him, and much to his annoyance.

In essence, I think these photos, assisted by the explanations offered in all the above, perfectly sum up the origin to the alpha male.  Yes, we can all go back to the animal kingdom or similar, and subsequently analyse how the female species flocked towards the male figure who was attracting all the female (and other male) attention, but we are specifying on human reasoning here.

In my view, the whole alpha male phenomenon manifested via men who were not blessed with great male physical attractiveness – which represents >99% of men – but men who could offer something else where the bridge could be gapped.  In their mind, they could convince themselves that women actually prefer this type of man over and above the great looking hunk.

In a way, these men would be right in my perhaps ridicule of their wishful thinking.  Most women do prefer this kind of man, just not in the way these men realize.  These men (the alpha male wannabes) like to think that women are more sexually attracted to said alpha male.  Whilst in minority scenarios this is sincerely the case, it does not portray the real reason in majority instances.  The real reason is because said alpha male does not put a woman’s nose out of joint by possessing great male physical attractiveness that takes the spotlight away from her, but he is the next tier below in male looks comparison, concurrent to not being above her gender relative terms level.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                  Once a man fathoms the main reason/s behind how women select men, they are in a much better place to capitalize on securing hotter women than they think they can acquire.

 A final story of late

On a recent Friday morning post workout in the gym, I went into the sauna as I usually do.  It was pretty much packed (it seats up to fifteen on a tight fit), with room just about for me.  There was a discussion going on between three young men relating to Glastonbury festivals, therefore with very little knowledge or passion on the subject, I just listened in.

Once these three men left the sauna after a few minutes, I struck up a conversation with a few of the remaining relaxers.  A couple of minutes later, and in walked a juiced up bald/shaven headed man, with tattoos from shoulder to wrist on both arms.  He swaggered in and gave it a “Morning chaps” line in a loud voice.  I think I had seen him once before.  He clearly loved himself, without, in my opinion, the height or raw good looks to back up this somewhat elevated self-belief of his value it would seem.

As the conversation I was in continued, he rudely kept huffing and puffing.  There were pauses in the conversation, therefore he had opportunities to contribute should he have wished.  Otherwise, out of respect, if you do not desire to take part in a certain conversation then you simply sit there with courtesy towards others.

After a few more exaggerated huffs and puffs, and I mean after little more than a minute from his entrance, he just said “Fuck this for a game of marbles!”, and subsequently got up and left.  As we all looked at each other, I just said to the group, “Something I said!?”

One of the other men in there commented that he had seen him before in the sauna, and he likes to lie down at full stretch.  This is fine if there are only two or three people in there, otherwise, once more out of respect, you do not do it.

In essence, I draw the easy conclusion.  For all the fake swagger, loud voice on entry, steroids, and tattoos, this does not disguise a lack of existential confidence to just mingle into a group accordingly.  This theory of mine is reinforced by what the member said about him lying down in the sauna.  If other people are present, a confident man has the self-confidence and ease in himself and of other social presence that he can just bring up a conversational topic, and be sociable and amiable.  A man who feels the need to lie down and distance himself, with clearly no ease of other social counterparts in a small environment, clearly lacks any confidence and self-assurance to blend in.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                      No amount of muscle, external parading, loud voice, exaggerated banter, tattoos, or bigging himself up, can compensate for the lack of inner confidence a man like this attains.  When you see a man like this, your instincts may enforce you to believe he is the biggest alpha male and most confident man in the room.  In reality, it may well be you are far more confident in yourself than he is naturally confident in himself.  Never be fooled by what you only see on the outside.

Acknowledgements

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Never be her last resort

 

"Things work out for the best for those who make the best of how things work out.”            (John Wooden)

  

There are a couple of traditional ways in how a man becomes a woman’s last resort in her decision to be with him.  A man should always avoid placing himself in such a last pickings dynamic, but unfortunately, all too many men seem to settle for this sad predicament.  Or perhaps, most men fail to realize they are a woman’s last resort in the first place.

Example 1 – A woman’s reluctant and resentful choice of a man

In this example, it is the perennial woman who thinks she can do much better than said man she eventually picks in a reluctant manner.  Sometimes she can actually do better, but often she is deluded to what kind of calibre level man she can obtain.  You will find a lot of women in their late twenties and early thirties – when they are past their physical attractiveness peak, but still desirable to a decent percentage of men - go through this phase.

What you find in this scenario is as follows.  The woman will have played around with her options a fair bit, never quite found the man she wanted (or more to the point, men either used her or just did not want to commit to her), and then she is left at a juncture where she is boxed into a corner in deciding to pick a man out who she knows is not good enough for her.

Some of these women will have ridden the cock carousel, whilst others will have just experienced a number of medium and long term monogamous relationships but never made it to the highest commitment phases of marriage and kids.  Many women in this compartment will have waited too long for 'Mr Right' who never came along, and as we know, the longer a woman waits, the lower down the pecking order of sought-after male candidates she will be necessitated to go.

When such time arrives, most likely concurrent to the time when all or most of her female social network no longer want to do girly time and activities, this woman is confined to settle for 'Mr Not Quite Right’.  He becomes her last resort, or at best, a long way down (if not at the bottom) of the pile of men she would truthfully desire to be with.

Example 2 – She missed the boat of the later bloomer

I would expect most people will be familiar with this process of events.  Maybe some of you have directly experienced it for yourselves?  In this situation, we have the woman who missed her chance.

The best outline example I can give is when said boy (or young man) is ignored by the typical attractive girl (or young woman) during high school, further education, or even University days.  It could have occurred as early as your mid-teens, but unlikely to be later than your late teens/early twenties.  That said, it could also apply in later life too.  An example would be where an introverted man in his fifties (who has very little experience with women) chases after a woman in her forties.

In the case of the younger spectrum though, what happens here is quite simple.  The boy or young man in this real life screenplay (and a lot of movies will have a script to suit) is basically as good as invisible to the hot or cute girl/young woman, and in spite of all his efforts to get noticed, pitiful attempts to buy her attention, and eventual multiple tears and broken heart, the female party holds not even a second of consideration to be with him on an intimate level.  Sometimes she will use him as a friendzone convenience and ulterior motive, but most women will subtly tell him he has no chance.

During this timeframe, the woman is banging men – often men who are a few years older than her, and equally men with high social status but rubbish to average jobs – who she claims she is with due to their higher “maturity” level than the males her own age.  I can recollect it from my own school days – fourteen to sixteen year old girls getting picked up by young men anything between three to five years her senior.  Some of these men were quite ugly dudes too, but even at a younger age, women still place male local profile and popularity as a higher priority than male physical attractiveness. 

Then like magic, a number of years down the line (sometimes after the early female bloomer has knocked out a kid or two via a male loser), that same woman sees the man her own age who she once disregarded.  She is impressed with how he has physically grown into an attractive man, but more importantly she is radiated towards the good job he attains and further potential that sits at his feet.

The problem is, said woman is no longer the attractive young teenager who the now man once idolized about and fantasized over.  With the greatest respect, she has aged so badly that she is not even now average looking in comparison to all the other women his age, let alone the cute and hot ones.  Fundamentally, he cannot get away from the conversation quick enough.

In essence, the magic of time goes in two opposing directions.  Said woman has become uglier and less coveted, simultaneous to said man becoming more handsome and desirable.  In this case, no man in his right mind who falls into this storyline gives her a chance.  Simply put, she had her chance back then, and she wasted it on other male contenders. 

The uncommon example – she had the best she could get, but she went elsewhere….

There is one more uncommon plot that happens in relevance to this post.  Hardly any men realize or concede it happens, such is the fact they either have no real life experience to draw upon it, or they are too envious to accept it occurs.  It will not come as any surprise to most that this dynamic manifests into my own life experience, and on numerous occasions too it should be said.

Just over a year ago, I wrote this post on a time wasting woman.  She had a chance to be with me, but as explained, she decided to not pursue.  No skin off my nose at the time, and a lucky escape in my mind retrospectively.

Over the last year, the number of men I have seen her talking to, and noticeably looking like she would possibly take it further with them, is quite comical.  From a skinny South Asian man, to an Afro-Caribbean race man who looks five years younger than her.  From a (white Caucasian) man five inches shorter than her (who is about ten years older than her), to a bald headed (white Caucasian) married man (former body builder, who still looks like he is on the gear) over thirty years her senior.  There have been others too.

Now, as she is an attention seeker who has more mouth than action, it is difficult to pinpoint which of these men, if any, she has gone with or would go for should they pin her into a corner.  My gut tells me that all of them are just for her to satisfy her usual female attention needs, although I have seen her train with the Afro-Caribbean race younger man.  There was one occasion however when he pretty much ignored her when he was on the cross trainer.

My guess tells me his ignorance towards her that day is because she bottled turning up for a date or meeting with him.  This opinion is further reinforced because a couple of months ago (after him blanking her weeks before) I heard her talking to him, and she emphasized the words, “And I will be there.”  Strangely, this young man has vanished from the gym, at least at the common times he went and when she is in there, over the last two months since the last time I saw them talking.

Coincidence?  I am not so sure.  I get the feeling she did not turn up once again, and his pride has got the better of him so he now avoids seeing her in there.  I have also observed that the short guy has barely been in there over the last six months too.  Older baldy man over the last couple of weeks has vanished, although I wonder if his wife (who also sporadically trains in the same gym) has said some harsh words to him!?

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                 Never let a woman dictate your movements.  Let her be the one to move away to another environment, should she feel it too hard to see you.

Where do I fall into all this?

Amongst the numerous other men I have either referred to or not, she has also on intermittent occasions placed her presence in close proximity to me.  The stares are still there – sometimes in an amiable way, but other times blanking me when I walk directly past her (after she has stared from a distance).  I have no inclination to be with her, I can say that without a moment’s hesitation.

With this explained, and with the pertinent words to the topic, I guess I am also now, in an uncommon and bizarre way, falling into her mindset of last resort.  She did not want to be with me a year ago, I still expect she does not hold strong desires to be with me over the other uglier men (who would her feel better about herself, in contrast to me, who would do the opposite in consequently pricking her ego), but I am still a better option than her being single.

And this begs the question, why is a perennial “girl’s girl” (a woman who is usually more into girl time and personal social media whoring) now even considering me, much against her wishes, or any of the other men for that matter?  In easy clarification, it appears to me that she does not have many female friends, and the one she does have who she trains with in the gym most likely has started to dive into a more meaningful relationship. 

This forces a woman to haste the movements in locating a male partner, even if it goes against her natural wishes at that moment in time.  At 26 or 27, especially in this post COVID world where nightlife is declining and real life socialising (not to be confused with online socialising, which is still growing) is not as prevalent, her desperation to be with a man moves from second gear to fourth gear without a transition.  If her friends are no longer at the end of a phone, fifth gear is not too far away at all.

A final thought

Part of me feels sincerely sympathetic towards this woman, or towards women like her in general.  It cannot be easy living a lonely life, and I full appreciate that only a small percentage of people, women and men alike, are the same way as me in the manner of being able to adapt, and genuinely like (at most times) in being in their own company.  Most people need social interaction and company, and when they do not have it at their disposal, they feel like only half the recognized person in the world.

With this considered, I have looked at her with a greater level of compassion of late.  Despite what a lot of people think of me in negative terms, I am actually a considerate and giving person.  Sometimes one has to get to know the person instead of making their mind up on nothing more than perception or convenient belief.

Nevertheless, she soon loses my commiseration when, on another occasion, she looks at me like something the cat has just dragged in.  At that moment, it just compounds my thoughts that she is dreadful girlfriend (let alone beyond that) material, even as she gets older and supposedly more mentally mature.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                   Most women talk a good game (hence, what they would do in broadcasting to others), but only a tiny number in relativity back it up with actions to prove their words.