Diamonds to divorce: a whirlwind 2 year relationship

“Falling in love can seem like a foolish decision.  It brings ecstasy, excitement, anguish and heartache.  And once over, some people go and do it all again.”

                 

Many people will have seen the scenario I’m about to explain at least once in their lives, but I doubt many of us have dug deep to find reasons to how and why it happened, and justifications for inevitable endings.  Who was at fault, was it a breakdown waiting to happen, and could one of them have turned the lights off before the other was electrocuted?

I’m talking here about a whirlwind romance: a romance that traveled too fast, too soon, and over too short a distance.  The kind of relationship where they both didn’t truly know each other well enough, but just got caught up in their own interests.  Unfortunately, unlike the impending big day itself, their interests were not of common motivation, and consequently didn’t marry up.  Yes, we’re talking about the innocent, inexperienced, average looking nice guy, and his well known, sexually experienced, attractive girlfriend.

Stage one: Her background

Bunny is an attractive, well known 21 year old woman from a working class village.  Her heart is in the right place, even if she does lack a little in intellect, intelligence and everyday knowledge of reality.  It’s not necessarily her fault.  Her parents held onto modest jobs, they made ends meet to pay the rent on their council house, and just wanted the best for their five children within their limited potential.  Bunny was no different, and she worked in a supermarket five days a week and in the local public house on nights if they had an event on.  Bunny just wanted to be loved by a man, at least that’s what she thought she desired, but no matter how hard she tried not to, she always ended up in the arms of the wrong type of man from up the road.  Once he had ditched her through boredom, she was moonlighting with his friend within a week.  Bunny knew her strengths - her looks.  She always thought that by giving her body to a man he would appreciate her and look after her.  Bunny wasn’t depressed with her life, but she did have occasional nights when she would cry herself to sleep.

Stage two: His background

Ben lives in a middle class village, approximately three miles from where Bunny resides.  He is a 24 year old man who is 3 years into a progressing career in law, after graduating from University.  He still lives with his parents, but he has saved enough money to place a deposit on a house, which he is looking to do so in the next month.  Whilst Ben is an intellectual, intelligent and knowledgeable young man, his experience of life, despite three years away at University, is low.  He’s not the most confident of guys, and he is a natural follower to his more out-going peers.  He’s had a couple of short term girlfriends, predictably the sweet, plain and smart types.  He liked them both, but in each case it just ran its course.  Ben dreams of that girl who captures his heart, who is loyal, faithful and pure to him.  By his own admission, he’s not objectively the best looking guy, but neither is he ugly.  He’s simply a run of the mill person, with a warm heart and genuine personality.

Stage three: How they met

By total coincidence, Bunny and Ben have friends who are dating.  One night they arrange for a casual get together for around twenty friends.  Bunny and Ben both attend, alone, and are quickly introduced.  Ben is blown away by Bunny’s looks, and despite his beta mannerisms, she kind of finds this cute in him.  At the end of the day, he is different to the typical jerks she is accustomed to meeting in her village.  She isn’t infatuated by him, but realizes he is a good listener despite his obvious excitement, and she starts to tell him about her bad luck with men.  Whilst curious in a negative way, Ben just says the words of “you just haven’t found the right man for you yet”.

Bunny is convinced he is right, and Ben further reinforces her view of this by continuously buying her drinks and producing stories of other women he knew at University who cried on his shoulder due to their poor choices in young men.  This is the forgivable problem a beta male has - he makes the mistake of false belief this is bad luck on her part, or a coincidence, and fails to even contemplate the fundamental reasons for her falling for these kinds of guys.  He is adamant in his mind that he is a cut above them all, and that she will find him special and unique. To an extent she will, but not in a positive, viscerally orientated way.  Anyway, they arrange to meet up for a drink two nights later.

Stage four: Crash course engagement

The dates in the first couple of weeks go well.  They are different people, but there is a complex case of mutual needs.  He is knocked aside by being with someone way above his own looks standard, and she is smitten by the way he treats her.  She’s also by now become aware of his earnings potential and property intentions.  When they take the next step, she isn’t repulsed by his naked body, but she is aware of the lack of physical chemistry she feels, especially compared to her ex-boyfriends.  Needless to say, he ejaculates quickly in the early sexual encounters.  However, he does improve over time.  After three months, they go for a meal to celebrate his promotion.  With the exception of the odd drink, he has paid for everything so far in the dating period.  He thinks nothing of this as he is just enjoying the ride, both literally and metaphorically.  His emotions are sky high, he’s a little bit tipsy, and at the end of the night a diamond ring comes out.  This gesture is closely followed by: “Bunny, I love you, and I want to marry you.”

She feels a little ambushed, but she loves the way he makes her feel, even if she doesn’t actually love him.

“Err, err, oh, yes.”

Ben is on cloud nine, and such is his ecstatic emotions, he hasn’t even wondered why she has never repaid the words back.  From Bunny’s perspective, the way he makes her feel, and the way she feels about herself, far outweigh her half-hearted emotions about him.  She just believes marriage and security naturally changes all this.

Stage five: Wedding day

Nine months later (twelve months into the relationship), it is the big day.  Because of the planning, invitations, hope and excitement that go with this, Bunny hasn’t consciously thought about anything beyond this day.  From his point of view everything is just perfect.  His belief is this: he loves her, she loves him, he’s the luckiest man alive, and they will spend eternity together.  Even other attractive women at the wedding venue do not turn his head, or even his thoughts.  He knows she is way above his league in physical attractiveness terms, but he continues with the belief that his personality and caring ways are what makes her want to be with him.  The same cannot be said for her.  She sees some of her friends with alpha male partners, and she cannot help but wonder and visualize herself being owned by one of these men.  But the contemplation is brief, as all the attention today is on the blushing bride.  It’s her big day and nothing will stand in her way.

Stage six: Post wedding blues

So the happiest day of their lives has come and gone.  Now it’s all “in sickness and in health” and “till death do us part” to abide by for both of them.  All the buildup, anticipation and expensive honeymoon are things of the past.  All that lasts are the photographs of her beautiful portrait overlooking the sunrise, with this ordinary guy alongside her.  There’s obviously still momentum from this great time in her life, but quite literally the honeymoon period is over.  If this relationship is to be compared to a marathon, then she needs a second wind.  Thoughts of spending the rest of her life with this man now become a reality.  It doesn’t take long for every day to seem a little harder than the last one to get through.  Every better looking guy she sees becomes a little more tempting than the last one.  Every little wrong move he makes is now a bigger deal than it used to be.  Simply put, she has realized she has made a big mistake.  Sure, there is financial security there, something any young woman from her village could only dream of, but this is no consolation when she has to wake up next to a husband she doesn’t love.  He is a husband she never loved - at least not in the way a woman should love her husband.  Ben is picking up on Bunny’s frustrations, but he puts the wool over his eyes and fingers over his ears.  He whispers to the voice within: “she’s just tired, right?  Every marriage goes through this?”  He notices her taking up more invitations to meet up with her friends.  Remember, he is a beta male at heart, with hope and optimism blinding his natural jealousy, possessiveness and supplication.  He thinks her friends are a bad influence.  They probably are, but in truth he needs to find the root problems before blaming them.  Then on one particular night out, her typical ghost from the past type of man approaches her.  She sleeps with him that night, and wakes up in guilt, but also in realization that she cannot go back to the life she now lives.

Stage 7: The end

The saddest part to all this, and my view is drawn from nothing more sinister than honest and genuine sympathy, is that most men in this situation fail to even realize the woman they are with is unhappy, that she is cheating, or she is tempted elsewhere.  Such is their obliviousness, and often lack of knowledge of women generally, that they live off blind faith or they refuse to face the truth.  Women don’t get pleasure out of cheating.  They just desire happiness in the same way men do.  Women actually sustain far more guilt than men do from carrying out acts of infidelity.  But women, if unchallenged or insignificantly aroused through an innate level of chemistry from the first meeting, are more likely to give up on the relationship and consequently fall out of love.  That is if they were ever in true love in the first place.  It’s a classic case of acting before finding reason.  I guess, as humans, this is what keeps us alive.

Lessons learnt

Her

With all this said, most women in Bunny’s position would do the same if given the chance.  They would even do it all over again, but hope the next guy races her impulses more than the last one.  But here lies the issue.  If a man doesn’t hit her emotional buttons early on, it isn’t going to ever happen.  Chemistry isn’t something that you wake up with out of the blue.  Nevertheless, who can blame a woman in looking for financial security?  It’s simply always the problem of the lack of emotion in the first place.  But then, in contrast, the jerks of the world aren’t sustainable for the long term, and if a woman does want to settle down she is juggling one of life’s balancing acts.  There are men that strike the balance, but they are rare and hard to locate, and they also can intimidate women who possess high levels of insecurity.  In Bunny’s case, where her only real sexual market value metric is her physical attractiveness, she would be a classic example in being intimidated of a man with both intelligence and good looks.  So she gambles on an act of God making her happy with a nice guy like Ben.

Him

Men can act on emotion and impulses every bit as women can.  Men may have more of the responsibility to make the patient and logical decisions in life, but I’ve seen hundreds of men act without pragmatism when their heart starts racing.  It’s as if they need to make life shattering moves like proposals and weddings in order to keep her by his side.  Love is a powerful tool, and when a guy like Ben finds himself with an attractive girl like Bunny, his logical brain is eradicated.  Basically, his decisions are ruled by his penis despite the inner voice informing him of more productive paths to take.  His biggest mistake in the whole scheme of things goes back to his lack of knowledge of a woman like this.  If a woman tells a man she has dated bad boys in the past, he needs to understand her reasons behind this from the foundation stage.  He cannot allow himself to think that she has searched the world for a typical beta male to treat her like an angel, only to never track one down.  There are at least six nice guys for every bad boy out there, so a woman’s adamant claim that most men are jerks does not add up.  A guy like Ben needed to act more challenging, he needed to have his own life, and he should have illustrated ways that she is worthy of him and not the other way around.  I feel for these guys, as these are the ones who should have the most luck with women.  If I had my way, every man like Ben would end up happy, irrespective to the kind of woman they choose to take to the altar. 

Nice guys who gave everything to their girlfriends, fiancés and wives, only to be hurt for undue reasons, have my deepest sympathies and good will.  It can be an easy mistake for these genuine men to think they are the only person in the world who has been treated this way.  As men do not go to great lengths in talking about their feelings to other men, there isn’t an abundance of reassurance available to confirm these happenings are a trend rather than the exception.  However, I hold absolutely no pity for men who pick up on books, material or information on the subject of female emotional psychology, only to ignore it and carry on regardless in hope the next woman will be different and appreciative of their good ways all the time. 

There are some women who honestly and genuinely do desire to be with the perennial nice guy, but these females sit in the minority.  Women of all kinds have a need for intensity and drama in their lives.  Some need it more than others.  The unfortunate circumstance is that the more physically attractive a woman is, the more likely she is to play the role of treating nice guys badly and chasing after jerks.  This isn’t to say less beautiful females in visual terms are immune to these deliverables.  If an average looking man finds himself with an above average looking woman, he is almost as susceptible.  Although less likely and less extreme in kind, even an average looking woman can manipulate a good looking man if he isn’t prudent with his interaction strategy, or he consequently educates his methods to form inept decisions.

Any man who doubts this philosophy and these common occurrences is vulnerable to a lifetime of heartache and stress.  If this isn’t enough of an incentive, he should live in the knowledge that his extreme “nice guy” habits are making women he is in relationships with actually less happy in the long run. 

But when all is said and done, a man has 3 choices: 

• He can downgrade from his usual female physical attractiveness predilection scale – that for a man is predominantly at least on his own level, but usually higher – and know that less interaction strategy is required due to being with women who, in theory, have less options in the sexual market and are grateful to be with him. 
• He can live in hope that the low odds play in his favour and he finally tracks down a woman who fully accepts, and prefers, a man to be likeable and passive all the time.
• He accepts the painful truth, and he adapts to the reality that exists in the western sexual market culture.

Male and female height: the attraction onto the opposite sex

“Some guys naturally develop a comfort with the opposite sex.  They like women, women like them, everything flows naturally.” (“Hitch”, 2005)

I have a close friend who is clearly paranoid about his height.  He’s not a bad looking guy at all, and for men who know a thing or two about interaction strategy and female emotional psychology, they would know his above average facial features and body profile should allow him to punch above his weight in female looks comparison.  This friend, with a pronounced self-consciousness to his height, is actually only 6ft 3 inches tall.  I say “only”, because to me this is not near to a height that should stand out like a sore thumb to the outside world.  Some may even say it’s the ideal height for a man.

A couple of years ago he mentioned a friend of his who was outstanding in approaching and engaging efficiently with women.  I asked him why this might be the case, and he commenced by stating the style, blonde hair and confident demeanour would appeal to women all kinds.  Without knowing or ever seeing the guy, I couldn’t disagree with this.  My friend also added this guy’s “perfect height” would also act as a good draw onto projected female attraction.

Out of curiosity, I decided to take a look for myself in tracking down the referenced man on a social network site.  Whilst he was decent looking, again, I would place him on a similar physical attractiveness grade as my friend.  But to me he didn’t look particularly tall, and certainly not the “perfect height” as stated.  I quizzed my friend about the height, and he said his friend was no taller than 5ft 9 inches.  As someone who shaves the surface of 6ft, I said that in my opinion the ideal height for a man, in respect to attracting women on a wholesale basis, would sit between the two of us at 6ft 1 ½ inches.  I would even be more than happy to split the change and say this idealistic male measurement could even be 6ft 2 inches.  But beyond this, and I do believe, in relativity, it could prove to be counter-productive.

There are various links on the internet for information to domestic heights.  From statistics in 2010, these are the findings for the United Kingdom:

            Gender                                    Age Range                              Average Height

            Male                                        16-25                                       5ft 9 ½ inches

            Male                                        25-34                                       5ft 10 inches

            Female                                    16-25                                       5ft 4 ½ inches

            Female                                    25-34                                       5ft 4 ½ inches

Although not in mind-blowing surprise, I may have expected the male average heights to be a little different for the respective age ranges.  This thought derived from nothing more than general observations and interactions.  I would have estimated the male average to be 1 inch shorter, but the female equivalent would have been there or there about.  As people who observe members from other countries would predict, the UK has an average height below nations of the likes of Croatia and the Netherlands, but with an average height above a country such as China or India.

So how does the height dynamic relate to how men and women are perceived by, and sexually attracted by, the opposite sex?  The first thing to lay down is that in order to evaluate how our height impacts on the view from a member of the opposing gender, the other visual attributes we possess need to be neutralized.  This may be needless to say, but with all else equal – hence visual partner requirements and suitability – a good looking man of 5ft 11 inches will be more striking to the eye than an average looking man of 6ft 2 inches.  This isn’t to say most women would pursue the better looking option, but he would catch their eye in a more dominating and memorable manner.  Similarly, a well defined man of 5ft 10 inches would be more desirable than an obese man of 6ft 1 inch.  Switch the gender roles, and a toned woman of 5ft 10 inches stands out visually to the majority of men than an overweight female of 5ft 5 inches.  For the purpose of this analysis, the facial and body impressiveness is of parity.  To further re-iterate, all non-visual metrics are also the same.

To men, as the gender who rely less on their overall physical attractiveness per se and far more on power and status to attract female eyes, height is a more critical issue.  If the average statistic in the UK for men up to 34 years of age is 5ft 10 inches, there would be very few situations where it would be advantageous to be under this bar.  Women view male height as a form of security, protectiveness and power, and even women of only 5ft would not be less attracted to a man above 6ft.  Within reason, most women would choose to be with a man at least 3 inches taller, therefore once a man starts to creep nearer the female average of 5ft 4 ½ inches, he is facing the prospect of being overlooked by many.  Nevertheless, average height for men will be more than suffice in predominant scenarios.

The reason I suggested earlier in this post that a threshold of 6ft 2 inches may not be beneficial to climb over for men is because although women do view male height as a major attribute, excessive height can be looked upon as a drawback to women of average height.  Again, a 5ft 4 ½ inches tall woman might take preference, by and large, to a man less than a foot taller than her.  When it does become a pulling point for a man to be above 6ft 2 inches is when he holds predilections for tall women (>5ft 10 inches), but women who sit in this category are of low percentage.

Female height, and its consideration in attracting men, almost takes on the opposite effect.  If the average height is scrutinized first, this figure is pretty much ideal.  This is because most men from 5ft to 6ft 5 inches would find these women attractive if she attained a pretty face and body to match.  Short men wouldn’t view them as too tall (as most women would be taller than them), and tall men would find their average height as fine.  Being below this average, but perhaps above 5ft exactly, would only have negligible detriment.  This is only true because men are visual predators to first and foremost the female face and body, therefore their assessments between a 5ft 2 inches woman and a 5ft 5 inches woman would be mainly overlooked.

However, if a 4 inch increase over the average male height is ideal for men, this is not the case for women.  It is important to remember that most women like to wear heels at some time in the week, and with the aid of this platform a 5ft 8 ½ inches tall woman would then be scraping the surface of 6ft territory.  When this is the circumstance, she finds herself looking down on maybe 70% of men.  Bearing in mind that a high number of men above 6ft tall may not be to her requirements in terms of other sexual market metrics, in addition to many men being intimidated in walking alongside a taller woman, the consequence is that she is playing the low percentage game.  With all this in mind, the average height, or slightly above average, appears the most advantageous ruler stick mark for a woman.

When I trace recollections of my historic relationships, and the extremes of female heights, I have been involved with a brunette of only 5ft tall to a couple of blondes standing at 5ft 10 inches and 5ft 11 inches.  One thing I can conclude is that the short brunette certainly had no problem with the height disparity, and I even know for a fact that she had dated a couple of guys taller than me.  But in the case of the tall blondes, and although the unspoken of this issue was always left this way, I couldn’t help but believe in an ideal world both of them would have preferred me to be at least a couple of inches taller.  The taller one of the two made humour to the confession that her prom date was a boy she was repulsed with, but who was the only boy in the school taller than her (granted, it was a small school).  The other claimed men never approached her due to feeling height inferiority when in her presence.  Based on my experiences, the most compatible sexual positions are devised from a partnership where the man is 4 to 5 inches taller than his abiding female subject.  Too short, and her levers aren’t quite long enough to stretch in the bedroom.  Longer, and she passes the finish line before you can award the medal.    

And although I’m only one person in the world, I can’t help but think this is the overriding conclusion to height and how it optimizes or effects men and women wishing to be looked favourably upon by the opposite sex.  If a man is of average height, or just above or below, the times it will help or hurt him will be isolated through this factor alone.  If he is 5% above the average, it will lead him onto greater opportunities with a higher percentage of women.  However, if he is 5% below the average height he is then facing the probability of looking up to the majority of women wearing shoes with heels.  This could often disqualify him, even with women of average female height, and if this is the case he has reduced numbers of female hunters in his portfolio.

Flip the coin, and I believe the opposite applies for women.  Average height is about ideal for a woman, as nearly all men would not condemn her for being too short or too tall.  If she is 5% below this average, it will only have a minimal negative effect on her success with men.  On a similar looks basis, she may lose out to an average height woman if they were both competing for a 6ft 3 inches tall man, but men of this stature are only in a minority bracket.  There would be plenty of other male takers.  But if a woman is 5% above the average – almost 5ft 8 inches tall – she stands taller than more than half the men if she chooses to wear height enhancing footwear.  Further to this, even if she is happy to be with a shorter man, a large proportion of men will feel uncomfortable in approaching her due to intimidation and inferiority complexes.  All this manifests in her collating less, rather than more, opportunities than she would wish for.

Height is a sensitive subject.  Most men wish to be taller, and some women quietly crave to be shorter.  Even some tall men, like my friend, appear anxious with this perceived luxury.

But there are exceptions.  Some men love tall women and some women love short men.  There’s no point kidding anyone though, this is not the normal course of events.  Then again, my mother was slightly taller than my father, and look what they created…

Acknowledgments and further reading

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Average_height_around_the_world

General jealousy: are you “wel jel"

“Jealousy is the most fatal enemy to man.  Once you start to look over someone else’s shoulder or back garden, and view it in envious eyes, you forget the focus from you own life projection.  If and when this time strikes, your life isn’t worth living.”

                 

The above words were spoken from the mouth of my late grandfather, approximately seven months before he passed away.  If I was to shortlist my five most memorable phrases, whether it is from real life, a poem, a novel, a television program or a film, this would be in there without question.  As an eighty year old man who knew he was living his final months, having once been a teenager serving his country in the second world war in experiencing and viewing scenes most of us will never come close to, it is my opinion someone can only sit, respect and admire the wisdom, accuracy and philosophy of this statement.

However, in our human nature, we often only digest words of this kind for a few solitary moments before we return to our usual habits of bitterness, regrets, envy, hostility and worst of all, jealousy.  Most people have jealous traits in their character make-up.  If it is born out from parental genes then maybe is isn’t their fault, but other times it has progressed through external factors like reality television programs, social media or day to day perceptions or proof of others having an easier life than their existence.  In the latter case, these people did not inherit natural jealousy, and instead they adapted the accumulative effect of this negative trait.  Jealousy doesn’t just go away overnight unless something in a person’s life forces them to find perspective, and even then they often resort back to their old ways.  Jealousy is usually a domino effect, and consequently it only results in breeding off the last jealous act from yesterday.

You often see or hear in this day and age the cockney slang phrase of “wel jel” – “well jealous”.  My interpretation of this phrase is a comment of light humour behind a small touch of natural jealousy.  This could be someone hearing of another person going on a luxurious holiday - so their response is to say they are “wel jel”.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, as I doubt there is a person on the planet that doesn’t attain a certain level of jealousy within their bones.  At the end of the day, facing up to a negative characteristic is worth a thousand times that of a person who possesses a weakness, yet lives in denial of this pronounced obviousness.  The problem is when we allow jealousy to border over a healthy level, and we have all been guilty of this in our life.

A great example of how jealousy can be examined is through a social media website.  Women of all ages, but especially younger women, are at the front row of the firing line when it comes to this, and it hits them at their weakest moments.  Imagine a girl who is having an ordinary day.  She is in the office, nothing exhilarating happening, when she receives an alert on her phone of an activity notification from a friend.  The friend posts a status report of:

“I’m having a great day in the sun, off work for a fortnight, and with the man of my dreams.”

This immediately causes the office girl to bring jealousy to the forefront of her mind, without an ounce of rationalization or perspective to level it out.  Is it possible that her friend is actually over exaggerating her happiness to inflate her ego?  Does the office girl stop to think that in a couple of month’s time it will be her in a sunny place?  The answer is - rarely.  These moments are when strong people rationalize, or they even go beyond this to be the bigger person, and they wish the other person well in a genuine manner.  Unfortunately most people are weak, and they choose, often without deliberation, to bask themselves in jealousy.

Whether it is friends, work colleagues, acquaintances or family members, these people are not immune from being jealous of another person’s life.  The higher value they are seen upon by others, the more likely this is to be the case.  One of the easiest signs of jealousy is when someone refrains from asking you any questions, despite the fact you have delivered some, or many, to them.  At first you can be forgiven for thinking they are just ignorant, but in truth it goes far beyond ignorance or even arrogance.  The reality is they know you are higher value than they are, and they believe, often wrongly, that you must have a hugely interesting life.  Due to this belief, they act like a snail hiding in its shell, and they block their ears from any information that causes them to feel de-valued.  Unless I missed something along the way, I always had the conception a normal two-way conversation involved both people asking questions to each other?

How does all this fit into interaction with men and women?  In both cases, each produce unobvious jealous executions that is not clear to the eyes of many outsiders.  If a man approaches a woman who shows interest in him, it is displayed in a genuine and comfortable manner, and she takes the stand to not ask him any questions, it will usually mean she is attempting to keep her own perceived value a little higher than his.  This may be a fictitious belief, but it is her non-verbal way of saying she doesn’t desire him to know she is interested.  She acts like this out of jealousy or knowledge that her sexual market value is blatantly lower than his, and the doubts of this inferiority complex force her to act in a more hostile and disinterested way.  This can usually be despite her visceral attraction producing impulses that find him sexually appealing.  These women of bitter inclinations, when in the vicinity of good looking men, will be the most prone to use compliance tests of aggressive tone and content.  Like anything in life, there are always a small percentage of positive people amongst the many negative foes, and some women will embrace men who brighten up the day through their unique look and style.

When a man makes little effort to ask a woman questions, or he takes a stance to talk constantly about himself, then this is a policy of attempting to prove to her of his value.  Some women do fall for this vain exploitation, because if wealth, talent or status is emphasized, no matter how far from the truth it may be, she can be carried away with the fairytale thoughts in her mind of being a part of this make believe, false life.  However, a clever and astute woman sees through this and realizes that men who have value do not need to force and exploit it.  It is shown through humility and natural procedures.  A man’s lack of verbal interest in a woman is through insecurity of knowing other men may be better mate candidates for her.  Beta characteristic men are guilty of these deficiencies, as deep down they are aware of women seeking out better looking or higher value men.  An alpha male’s disposition is always one of calmness whether she talks a little or a lot about her past.  When it all boils down to it, he is in a “take it or leave it” mindset, in the knowledge another woman will come along if the current one doesn’t appreciate his worth.

I always try to trace my mind back to my grandfather’s wisest words.  Jealousy is cruel, jealousy is unproductive, jealousy is time and energy consuming, but most importantly, jealousy takes your eyes off your own purpose.  Over time I’ve noticed people showing jealous behaviour towards me, and it is predominantly unjustified.  Nevertheless, once you understand the reasons, it is easier to comprehend their actions.  It was so obvious how their emotions and interaction changed, in a positive way, once they observed me deteriorating and struggling through the cancer process as hair loss, weight loss and a basically weak looking man pumped down my value quicker than falling out a plane without a parachute.  Once recovered, and looking in peak physical condition once more, it was like the cancer never even happened.  People have short memories, and jealousy is a cause of how people will choose to engage with you.  Jealousy is probably the quickest crash course to an unhappy and lonely life.  If I could offer only one commodity in life to erase from an existence, it would be jealousy.

Just how effective is it for men to wear commitment rings?

“Some deny, some confess, some lie, and some are more honest. 

And some people even spell out the reality.”

If you take the time, purpose and inclination to step outside of your own bubble and into the real world, you will start to notice how situations in the emotional world – and mainly how women behave in this sphere – go against the logic of innocent minds.  Within my peripheral vision, nothing epitomizes this more than how women look upon “committed men”.  So the question beckons: would a man be seen as more attractive and appealing if he wore a ring on the commitment finger?

I’ve only come across one useful and valid scientific study on this subject (see bottom of post).  It is far too long winded and dressed in science crap to digest over a casual 10 minutes of your life, so I’ll summarize for you:

• A considerable higher percentage of single women find attached men more physically attractive than single men, if all else is equal.
• Women in relationships show a marginal greater attraction to attached men over single men.
• Men in general show no greater or lesser attraction towards a woman based on her relationship status.

My only surprise is that women in relationships do not also find men more appealing if they are already taken.  My hunch tells me, and I draw from first-hand experience over many years, that if they were pushed a little further in temptation, opportunity and proximity, they would, in general, sway more towards men who have proof of another woman’s love.

Due to the lack of worthwhile studies, I even chose to make the conscious cardinal sin in looking at views from internet forums.  Although some women appeared to tell the truth, the majority speak with their egos and instinctive integrity (integrity that is usually proved otherwise).  That is, men who wear wedding or engagement rings would be seen as unavailable, therefore there is no way a woman would accept any kind of invitation or initiation.  Once more, this is the easy answer to show their “moral” intents.  They would often act in a different way to the words spoken on this matter. 

In terms of the male comments, again, the language tended to be as you would expect from enthusiastic, but perhaps not transparent to detail, men.  They appeared over elaborate in their success with women when wearing a band, but men often make these kinds of mistakes.  They can be guilty of getting carried away with one success story that clouds over an array of indifferent or forgettable experiences.  We can all hit the bullseye on the first throw, only to fall short on a number of following attempts.  This is why it’s necessary to assess over an array of ventures in order to avoid comments absent of credibility.  Lucky for you, I can give you both honesty and experience to draw a more pertinent conclusion.

The portrait of a commitment ring is of course an illustration, true or otherwise, of male pre-selection.  It shows the female world that another woman, no matter how high or low quality she is (quality which is almost solely judged on her beauty), has validated this man as a desirable mate.  Women love men who other women want, and they thrive on the competitive spirit to prize him away.  This not only produces a challenge, but it would raise a woman’s own self-perceived importance level that she is a greater person.  So two men could look, dress, act, earn and offer in the exact same way, yet more often than not the one who has been pre-selected will project more value onto women’s eyes. 

This is a broad view, but the generalization is valid because the vast majority of men do fall into the average category in terms of physical attractiveness, personality, charisma, wealth and status.  There isn’t much to choose when you throw a large pot of random men in the ring.  Nevertheless, when considering the success of wearing commitment rings, nothing dictates the level more than a man’s blessed or not so luxury looks. 

Ugly Men

Although only a tiny percentage of men would be truly classed as being ugly, it cannot be denied there are some out there.  Needless to say, an ugly man without enormous amounts of other desirable metrics – mainly money and social status – is not going to attract a woman outside of equal ugliness.  He is certainly not going to turn the heads of cute and hot women.  With this in mind, wearing a commitment band should be hugely advised, because women do pick up on little things like this. 

Although it is unlikely to get their sexual buttons racing any more due to this one isolated piece of jewelry, they will be more intrigued to his life than before.  A woman isn’t going to jump into bed with an ugly man simply because she sees his pre-selection confirmation, but she is far likely to give him that bit more time to prove other parts to his game.  All in all, a display of a commitment ring for an ugly man will have no effect at worst and positive outcomes at best.  There is not one single negative aspect to an ugly man showing off a ring on the finger.

Average looking men

As over 95% of men fall into the average looking bracket, there are naturally differing scales of mediocre male looks.  It could be argued that a below average looking man would be best off leaning towards the process taken by an ugly man, and an above average looking man may be prudent to sway nearer a good looking man’s deliverables.  However, even an above average looking man is not going to strike that much more attention than a below average looking man when women are around, so this compartment can be treated as one.

Average looking men will, by sheer biomechanics of female sexual attraction, stay in the memory of passing women more than ugly men would do so.  But in the same way nearly all men will recollect hot women over all the hoards of other female candidates in any given social arena, almost all women will take oversight to any man who falls below handsome status where visuals are the only thing to go on.  With this consideration, any man of average looks is rarely going to cause women to have diverse feelings that can range from absolute infatuation to blatant hostility and jealousy.  All in all, an average looking man still needs to do something that furthers his value.

Although ugly men can certainly (and do) grade up with better looking women, there is almost always going to be a step too far to climb unless he can offer an abundance of money and social profile.  In other words, an ugly man will find it extremely difficult to track down a cute or hot woman.  This is not the case for an average looking man.  He can escalate above his own looks grade by potentially a couple of levels.  But outside of workplace scenarios – where earnings, power and potential can be illustrated, he still has to do something to stand out.

A commitment ring to an average looking man will rarely bring about any detrimental consequences unless it is in the face of a woman on his looks level.  If this was the case, some women could assume his “partner” (whether real or not) would be hotter than her.  But I can guarantee you that there will be far more women who take the other route in being more attracted to a man showing proof of love.  With all this said, there are far more benefits than drawbacks for an average looking man to wear a commitment ring.

Good looking men

This is where it all gets more complex.  Good looking men, due to their rarity amongst the whole male population, will acquire immediate attraction and intrigue from women with little effort required.  But whilst this is a hand-made luxury, the sexual attraction can often be turned into negative emotions.  Women, by and large, do not take kindly to men of eye catching parity against their own glamour ranking. 

Another obstacle good looking men face is the undeniable likelihood that most women have trust issues with men who are perceived to have the female society knocking on their doors.  They can be judged, with no evidence to show, to be poor boyfriend material, unwilling to commit or sexual players.  So even if a good looking man is a relationship seeking guy, he still has to knock down these barriers.

In cases of assumed unwillingness towards commitment, a ring can contradict this perception.  In addition, although pre-selection validation is not required anywhere near to the extent of an ugly or average looking man, it still holds more good than harm.  Women’s sexual emotions, even if not their egoism emotive side, still reluctantly force them to admire men who are surrounded by female pursuits.  A wedding or engagement ring shows both commitment and pre-selection, and ultimately this is what women desire the most.

Q-tip:

Once women are past the age of 23, but also prior to this age with a good number of them, an ideal male partner is a man who combines both the proof that other women want him in conjunction with the comprehension he can commit with loyalty, faithfulness and consideration to her needs.  Not many women track down a man of this kind, because very few men fall into this bracket.  Ultimately, a very high proportion of women end up with a man willing to commit because he is not wanted by anyone else.  A small percentage of women who just cannot stand the thought of being with an unwanted man hedge their bets on hoping a wanted man will commit with her.  Rarely does this have a happy ending. 

The flip-side to good looking men wearing commitment rings is the presumed female thought that his “partner” will be hotter than her.  Why lay his table if he already has a more expensive dinner at home?  So a good looking man could approach a woman he likes, but she could reject his advances on the automated thought that he already has someone as attractive.  With their fragile egos all too clear to see, a woman may turn the hand before he even opens his mouth.

So the message starts off straight forward but then turns a little cloudy: 

• Ugly men should wear a commitment ring all the time, in particular on nights out.  This act cannot harm one bit. 
• Average looking men, although not reaping as much benefit on a whole scale basis, will have the most opportunities to utilize their pre-selection item.  Because average looking men neither repulse nor attract women to great extremes, a lean in the right direction is often all they require.  The advantageous outcomes of wearing a ring will outweigh the unlikely misfortunes by a ratio of 10 to 1.
• As for good looking men, I would say, and I draw from personal adventures in the real life field, that it is a flip of the coin in respect to whether a commitment ring can help or hinder.  Like anything else, you live and die by the decisions you choose to make.

If women are reading this in contemplating a similar strategy to attract the opposite sex, then think again.  Pre-selection, and the power it portrays, is not an attractive sight for men looking upon women as it is for women looking upon men.  No matter which way you look at it, the showing of a diamond ring on the engagement finger will hardly ever further enhance a man’s predilection towards you.  If he wasn’t interested in the first place, he will just simply be no more or less forthcoming.  If he is sexually interested, whilst a ring may not deter some men, it will sure not make them any more ignited in your presence.  The more likely outcome will be a reduced interest to make a move.  Emotional competiveness, pre-selection and a need to feel important (by prizing a committed person away from their loved one) are just not the daily required motivations for men, as they are for women.

  

Acknowledgements and further reading

Burkley, M. and Parker, J. (2009).  Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 45, 1016-1019.

When the going gets tough for attractive high value men

“In life, if you let it, you can always come up with reasons to give up.  But if you don’t, you might just find love in places you never imagined.  In a new relationship, or in your work, or in your children.  Whatever it is, just don’t give up on it.  And if you don’t get it, you might get something better.” (One Tree Hill, 2008)

                 

There will come a time in a good looking man’s life when he goes through a day spell with the kind of women he aspires to attain.  He may paper over these cracks with a few easy one night stands with less physically attractive women, and he may even take on a couple of short term relationships with those who don’t exactly push his buttons.  But he goes there anyway.  When this process is repeated when he is not only handsome, but also high value, then it becomes even more confusing when searching for reasons to why he isn’t seen with a beautiful woman, or at the very least, a woman with his comparative looks status.  Very few men in this position ever truly stop to think why this is happening, as they usually just abruptly put it down to these women choosing to be with men in luxurious wealth positions.  Women rarely admit to the true reasons either, and the resultant consequence is this: two visually pleasing people from the opposite sex, that logic suggests would come together, but reality produces an interaction that prevents eventualities in reaching a second conversation.

We can all become a little insular when looking through blinkered eyes within situations in our own country of residence.  Mine is England, and I’ll hold my hands up to often being like this myself.  However, I’ve also travelled the world.  Not as wide and far as many other people, but through sacrifices and not being intimidated to travel alone, I have seen my fair share of places.  I used to think there may be cultural differences when it comes to how men and women find each other, and I’m sure there are, far beyond my knowledge of their cultures.  However, one common denominator tracks all the above - so many physically attractive women are walking hand in hand with lesser looking men.  I’m not talking extremely ugly guys here, but those men who are a couple of levels below the woman in looks comparison.

The first point of call here is to cover the cry of women out there reading this right now: that the world consists of far more physically attractive women than men?  In a way I wouldn’t disagree with this.  I would concede there are more 9/10 and 8/10 women from a random environment than their male equivalents.  Below 8/10, and I think the spread becomes more even.  Therefore, the first justification of - beautiful woman with average looking man - trend is these women have no choice but to date less attractive men, as there aren’t enough good looking guys to share around.  Is this a fair point?  Well, yes, to an extent.  Another favourite argument for women is that, in their experience (often through perception rather than interaction), most good looking men are too obsessed with their appearance, they concurrently date different women, they have cheated, or they have no personality against the less visually striking males they meet.  Again, granted, many handsome guys do have this arrogance, and they even think women will just approach them.  Some do approach, but they are hardly ever the pretty girls.

Now remember, when reference is made to attractive high value men, not only are they physically attractive but they have charisma and personality to assist them.  If they also have the benefit of wealth and occupational or status then they sit truly in the positive extreme of high value.  So the above arguments from those women do not always hold as much general weight as they may claim in this respect.  I guess the proof is in the pudding: how many women have rejected these kinds of men, only to find themselves with a bad boy or a nice guy the following week.  In fairness, were they aware that he was high value at the time?  Did he actually come across too extreme in his approach in these ways:

• Too friendly to overcome his fear of her perception of men like him  – the result being a lack of challenge and perceived to be too attainable.
• Actually too arrogant in the first place?  Or did she in fact feel a level of intimidation and a lack of value in herself? – the result being a perception of him being unattainable.

Even the most beautiful women can be insecure and self-conscious.  Actually, beautiful women can be the most insecure and self-conscious.  When we see this kind of woman during a night out, we may grade her between 8/10 to 9/10, although in my opinion the use of fake tan and over-lengthened fake nails can actually reduce her appeal.  But she goes on her merry way in any case.  When we see her at work, it may be slightly less of a grade, but she still looks hot.  Now, see her in the morning.  Suddenly she looks a 5/10 at best.  This should always be the attitude a man must take when contemplating approaching a woman he believes is more physically attractive than him – her median looks rating of all three situations.

So who is she going to feel most comfortable waking up next to?  Usually it will be an average looking guy.  In contrast, the typical man who looks a 6.5/10 in the day may turn it up a little to 7/10 on a night out.  Even taking into consideration his morning look (excluding hangovers), he will constantly look the same.

Taking away those who are self-confessed gold diggers, along with their proven or unproven perceptions of the good looking men out there (and remember, a woman’s unproven perception and belief will always be worth more to her than facts, truth, experience or reality), and we are slowly crawling our way to the real reason behind the choices.

What do women crave for the most in life?  It isn’t sex or chocolate cake.  No, it is attention and a need to feel valued.  It’s important in this case to be aware that value consists of two parts:

• How she believes her boyfriend / the guy she is interacting with values her.
• How valued she feels in herself when with him (does she feel lesser value than him?)

Many good looking men can dig their own grave in this situation.  They try to pump up their value by talking about themselves, often subconsciously, and consequently succeed in making women feel low value.  The more attractive a man is, the more humble he has to be.  But here lies his other mistake.  Some can act too nice in hope of reassuring her she doesn’t need to feel intimidated.  This is worse.  A balance is required, but if it had to be one or the other, don’t take the latter.  This is especially the case with the younger women.  But the nice guys out there, average looking with beta mannerisms, can eradicate her insecurity feelings just by his mediocre look in itself.  In the short term initial encounter, assisted by his abundant compliments and obvious infatuation, she eradicates her own low value and transforms it into high value.  Even for a moment she’s become the princess once again that she was as a little girl.  Beta males can hold an upper hand, especially when they are somewhere in her social network.  It’s just that this kind of relationship isn’t built on emotional connection.  It’s built on how it makes her feel in herself.  And this good feeling for her can only go one way - towards a negative direction for the good of the relationship.

You will see many good looking guys walking down beach fronts, shopping malls, theme parks or bars, with just another male buddy.  Sometimes he’s even alone.  It’s a common perception from others that he has a stunning girlfriend or is just hopping from one woman to the next.  Believe me, and I’m not only talking from my past experiences, this is far from the usual case.  Most guys like this desire a woman as physically attractive as they are, as men have innate preferences to a woman’s visual appearance over and above any of her other metrics.  But unlike an attractive woman in the inverse position, he has to fight this predicament of her insecurity, trust issues and egoism in not feeling the better looking of the two.

Very few women will confess to this, and who can blame them?  It’s no different to an attractive man admitting he is having a dry spell.  They both hide behind fake stories or economizing with the truth.  But I believe the hardest part is admitting this is the case, closely followed by understanding the reason it happens.  My main advice for any man would be to carry on approaching women they find attractive, and show them a genuine style without acting in either aloofness or a lack of challenge to her.  If a woman is to reject you this way, don’t dwell on it, understand why it is, accept it is part of a woman’s life, take it as a compliment, and move onto the next one.

A fair point to pick up on would be how an intelligent man – as most high value men are – does not establish the reasons to how women make strange and unexplainable decisions throughout their lives.  The easy answer would be to say that most of them are not observant enough to collate the historic information from experience, and they live in hope that the next woman who comes along will be so much different and logical.  Another possibility to this none comprehension is the lack of inclination to discover trends and logics to how the female mind works.  A man can be intelligent in general and intellectual terms, but the same brain in an emotional sense can get things constantly wrong.  The emotional thought process we have is strong one, and it forces us to act away from our better judgments.  So unless a man is consistently diving deep into discussion about female emotions and actions with other men – and as males, this is something that doesn’t come naturally – a manner of naivety is not beyond even the most astute of them. 

Another possible method in securing information could arrive in the form of advice from a man’s parents.  However, this isn’t an ideal or straight forward concept.  Firstly, many fathers do not feel comfortable in talking to their sons about the opposite sex.  Even if they did, most do not have the extensive knowledge, in numbers terms, of women and their complex emotional mentalities.  It is also likely that by speaking in detrimental content towards females, a father will believe he is indirectly criticizing the mother.  The reservation he has in distributing beneficial information to his son is mitigated by knowing this will save a potential family argument. 

In respect to a man’s mother, she will be more aware of young women’s habits – in saying one thing and acting another way, reasons for them falling for bad boys, and why they do not appreciate a man to be too agreeable and passive all the time.  In a similar way, the mother will not have had the wide access to the male portfolio in the way their daughters are positioned in, but they will be more aware of a young woman’s misdemeanours and choices than the respective father will be.  Mothers to these sons will also have lived in the years of male dominated relationships: in economical, emotional and decision making terms.  Nevertheless, by being too honest to her broken hearted and confused son, it will appear she is taking the male side of the argument.  She may also have made these same errors of judgment in her own younger years, and she does not take inclinations in being a hypocrite.  With all this in mind, she is far more likely to condemn the one woman who has incurred pain to her son’s heart, rather than give him general advice for the future in counteracting female subconscious interaction strategy.  When all is said and done, a man can only rely on his own endeavours to face up to the painful truth with hard study.  With the exception of assistance from a clued up older brother, or a helping hand from a street wise friend, men have no choice but to put in the hard hours of learning, and implement their actions in order to combat a lifetime of sustaining the same path of head scratching.

As a final thought, here’s food for thought of the typical thought process a woman will undertake:

A beautiful woman will have sex with a jerk, as deep down she holds a little power over him due to his lack of intelligence. The same woman will enter a relationship with the perennial nice guy, as she consciously knows she holds much power over him and he will appreciate her more.  The same woman will reject a high value man, as she is aware she holds no power over him.

A man of high value is always aspiring to meet the woman who can apply him the offerings of both physical arousal and mental stimulation.  In addition, he strives for this woman to have enough confidence and self-esteem to place precedent in finding a man who can give her butterflies - above safety or being treated like dirt.  Those watching on can be fooled by their projection of thoughts from the face value of what they see in a high calibre man.  What they do not see is the insecurities belonging to the women he wishes to pursue.

Women’s true feelings towards children of their male partners

“Blind faith is a lousy way to live life.”

I have a good friend at work who really has been dealt the rough end of stick in life.  His mother died of breast cancer when he was only 7 years of age, and once married, his late wife passed away suddenly through an undetected brain tumour.  Ultimately, my mate is a widower facing the challenge of working a full-time occupation simultaneous to raising a 6 year old kid as a single parent.  Whenever you’re having a bad day, there is always someone out there having a worse day than you.

He confides in me a lot.  I think this is partly to do with our cancer link, but more so because he respects my unbiased and honest views of life.  In turn, I will always hold the hand of friendship and assistance out to any good person I collide with.

One of his apparent concerns is how women would view a single father in terms of the baggage it could be perceived to hold.  I have often told him that more women than not will actually see his accompanied young son as a sexual attractiveness mechanism rather than a deterrent.  I always point at 3 reasons to why pre-selected men have an upper hand, if all else is equal:

• Women are more attracted to men who have full proof of another woman’s love.  This is naturally on a like for like basis (hence, comparing men with similar sexual market metric levels), and the majority of females prefer attached men over single male counterparts.  In the case of a man with a child, instant validation is illustrated that he has been selected by another woman.

• Women thrive on emotional challenge.  Although this doesn’t apply to the friend I reference, winning a “love battle” with another woman – like the current or past girlfriend/wife – is something most women find as an uncontrollable mechanism.  If she can take the man away from his current partner, or if she can show the world how he has chosen her over the past, she conquers all in her mind and believes she is a better asset.  A sad state of affairs it is, but true all the same.

• Women respond positively to a man who cannot give them all of his time, and consequently someone who doesn’t make her the be all and end all in his life.  It goes back to the challenge requirements women are born with to fight for a man’s love and emotion.  On the other hand, men who do prioritize their respective partners make a woman, in the short term, feel better about her life, but the female mind later resents this man who made it too easy for her because he took away what her innate character was brought on this earth to do.  When a man has a kid who is primarily the centre of his daily routine, he subconsciously makes the woman in his life play second fiddle.  Whilst damaging to her ego, the woman then fights that bit harder to get what she wants.

Nevertheless, and with all the above in mind, I have been further honest with my work buddy with regards to whilst the status of fatherhood will attract a high percentage of women onto him, the longer period of the relationship will encounter more negative issues than positive outcomes.  The following anecdote is just one example I could reference from many, but it is the most recent pattern seen in relevance to how women truthfully view a man’s parentage that belongs to a previous bond.

A couple of weeks ago I took my car in for a service.  One of the service advisors was the colleague and friend of the woman who actually dealt with my vehicle, so there was passing information given to me from the last visit 6 months ago.  She is encroaching her 30^th birthday, with a wedding day planned for August.  This woman is eye catching, and I’d give her an 8/10 physical attractiveness rating in her full glamoured look.  As with almost any woman at this age, there were obvious signs to observant folk like me that she would have been that little bit more pleasing to the eye a few years ago.  All the same, you wouldn’t see many more visually impressive 29 year old women in your everyday life.

When talking to the woman dealing with my car, we talked about paternity pay and leave offered by companies.  The hot woman spoke across us to inform that “Rob” was given 2 weeks off work.  Straight away, there was no mention of the child’s name.  Rob was clearly her male partner, and I had a vision of him being much older than her, less physically attractive than her by a couple of grades, but wealthy and of high occupational status.  I soon found out he was in fact the mechanic monitoring my car, as he ventured into the showroom to take the keys.  I was pretty much right about the physical side (6/10 and overweight), but I got it wrong on his age (roughly the same age as her) and profession. 

In between delivering and collection, there were a few hours to kill.  Being an inquisitive chap of the present moments, I decided to research a little more about her via social media provision.  The whole thing was hard to work out.  There were a few pictures of the two of them together, but unsurprisingly the lion’s share of photographs consisted of her posing on her own or on a ladies night out.  Almost absolute for women of high end physical beauty, she didn’t half feed off any compliment given to her hair, nails or any other part of the anatomy she could exploit. 

However, what struck me the most was the absence of any photographs with her alongside the kid.  There were only a couple of snaps with her husband to be and his son on her profile, but she was nowhere to be seen.  The child certainly isn’t from her womb, as rest assured, if he was then she would have downloaded hundreds for display onto the world’s eyes. 

I believe a man’s child from past sexual endeavours does act as a babe magnet tool in the short term with most women, but beyond a certain point and it becomes counter-productive.  Although a woman will still love the man acting the way any father should do – placing his kid first and with her as a passenger to their life – she will never love the child in the same way that the vast majority of men would do so in the gender inverse situation.  That is, from my experiences, a man who ends up with a woman owning children from historic relationships will look upon them as if they are his own. 

So why could a woman never love a man’s child from a previous relationship like a man could love a woman’s child from her past?  In an easy explanation: a woman has a far bigger ego and automated self-thought process that projects onto her own importance and welfare.  Men, by and large, have objectives for a family happiness where he is nothing more than a number in that household.  If a modern day woman cannot portray her own life by the use of a prop, it simply isn’t much use to her.

So I have told my good friend that he has to bear in mind the flip side to the conceivable benefit of a young son.  The child will, more often than not, act as a pulling force to enhance his overall sexual attraction and appeal, but time will take no prisoners once the novelty has worn off for the woman he is with.  When a man does have a child with the new woman, I can guarantee you she will never look at his kid from another mother in anywhere near the same way as she looks at her own production. 

Although I may have appeared to applaud men - who do take on women with children – in the way they love them like they are his own, I wouldn’t be doing this blog any justice if I opened the avenue to any misconstrued guidance.  I am in fact an advocator that only men who believe they cannot do any better venture into long term relationships with women who are ready-made mothers.  The only exception I will make is if a man significantly boxes above his weight in physical attractiveness terms - in which case the likelihood is he couldn’t have secured her if she was younger and with no child baggage.  So unless a man strikes above the 15% zone (finding a woman more than 15% above his own physical attractiveness rating), I can never quite understand why a man would think it was necessary to go down the route of a woman with little sprogs.  This is because I doubt, if given the choice, many men would go for a woman with a kid/kids over a woman who had never birthed children, if all other measurements (mainly her looks, personality and sexual ability/eagerness) were the same.  To me, it is like a man wearing a t-shirt that spells out “I just thought she was the best I could do.”  Once more, it is simple consideration of a man acknowledging his own potential in the sexual market, concurrent to thorough perspective of what women can truly expect, and demand, in the world of reality.