Monday, 14 December 2020

How to hurt less from women’s games

 

“When you’re a kid, all you want to do is play.  When you’re an adolescent, the wrong games you play can be forgiven.  When you’re an adult, surely those games have become old?” 

 

In an ideal world, a man will meet a woman he likes who is so genuine, honest, moral and mentally mature that there will be no need to understand what goes through her mind and why she acts the way she acts.  Unfortunately, the world is not ideal.

There won’t be an honest man in the western world who has not been hurt by a woman.  If, by the smallest chance there is, it will only be because he has set his standards so low in terms of sought-after women that he cannot be hurt such is the apathy he attained from the start.  So to reiterate, >99% of men will have been emotionally hurt by a woman or women in some way, shape or form.

The usual scenario 

The most common form of a woman hurting a man is actually prior to them becoming too heavily involved.  I find, from both personal experience and general knowledge, that once a woman has slept with a man, she has invested in him to a point where she either loves him or is falling in love with him.  I predict that in nine cases out of ten, a woman has already fallen in love with a man when she has decided to sleep with him.  Even if a woman entertains a one-night stand with a man, there will still be a significant amount of emotional investment placed on her part.

Therefore, the usual situation where a woman hurts a man is when they are in the early stages of dating.  This can be weeks or months – depending on how naïve and forgiving a man is before he kicks her into touch due to her lack of interest – but it is an easy mistake to make when you are younger.  The reason this is a very forgivable mistake for a man to make is because, absence of experience with many women, all the signs in the early stages are bright.  It appears she has shown interest, she texts back in nice fashion, she accepts his invitations of dates, and all appears rosy in the garden.

The problem is women are far different to men in the way they think during the early days and weeks.  As stated before, a man only needs to find a woman physically attractive and (and sometimes not) enjoyable company in order to progress and try to move things on.  A woman, on the other hand, will have based her early interest on differing emotions such as the enjoyment and validation of attention she receives from him.  Quite often, the woman in this dynamic will hold no intention whatsoever to become seriously involved with him.

Caveat to above:

The higher you go up the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more likely and common the explanation above runs true.  The lower you go down the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more common it is for said woman to not play this game, and in fact she may border on being too keen. 

Ultimately, the more options a woman attains and the more attention she receives from men (whether directly or indirectly), the more prominent she is to play silly games that emotionally moves a man in a negative mental state. 

Q-tip 1:

Kind of obvious to say but important to clarify, the better looking a woman is, the more likely she is to play games.

Blowing hot and cold

The irony is that, from my experience once more, women can become cold on the back of their, so to speak, hottest moment.  For example, she may have been moderate in her enthusiasm throughout the early exchanges, and then she blasts you with words that would seemingly radiate the most interest she has shown from the start.  It’s an easy mistake for a man to think it is all a clear runway from here on in, but then poof, it can be followed by a spell of total disinterest from her.

Here are just a few signs any smart man will pick up on when her interest starts to waver:

·       Cold spell after a hot sign (as explained above)

·       Disappearing acts for days

·       Sex withdrawal (should you be at that stage)

·       Silence when together

·       Cryptic comments

·       Claiming (hence lying) she is so busy that she forgot to contact

·       Crying for no reason during conversation

·       Frequent moodiness when with you

·       Blaming things on you for not understanding or not knowing what is wrong

·       Broadcasting the accolades of her friend’s boyfriends

·       Signs that she is listening to her female (and some lapdog male) advice over your view

·       Spending less time with you and more with her external interest parties

The above list is not exhaustive, but it will cover most of what a man will go through.  I’d hedge a fair bet any man can relate to this.

Why is this the case?

Why, after such a positive sign, can things turn south at a sound of a heartbeat?  The easiest explanation would be to use a car journey analogy.  A man will hold predilection to drive at a constant speed to reach his destination.  There may not be too many exhilarating moments in that journey, but equally he will not be at risk of crashing or inflicting pain on his passengers.  Conversely, a woman will drive the car far more recklessly with far less fear to the consequences and who she may hurt in the passenger or back seats.  Her greatest concern is her own inner required feelings.  There will be huge highs on that journey, but, most likely when it happens, there will be tears when the car is written off and people are injured.

Still follow me?  In easier language, men prefer a steady, consistent, predictable and routine life that can be planned with as little stress and drama as possible.  Women, on the total opposite extreme, feel their life is worth living when they are either at the top or the bottom of the rollercoaster.  They have their most pleasurable moments when either their existence appears so important, popular, busy, fast paced and dramatic, or when it is in despair, pain, victimisation, stress and depression.

So if you do experience the extreme cold spell subsequent to the enriching hot moment, know it is because she never quite knows which side of the coin she wants the toss to land on.

How to hurt less from women’s games

Once you know how women will act - which can only be a by-product of understanding the female emotional make-up and psychology – you stop being surprised when things turn out the way they do.  You half expect it, and if they don’t play games or have hot-cold (or similar behavioural traits) moments, you actually start to worry even more.  When something appears too good to be true, it’s probably because it is too good to be true.

At this juncture, when you concurrently understand what women are like, how they will act, and never being surprised in how they will be or deliver, the hurt becomes less and less.  Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m far more experienced with women than the average man, and as a writer of a blog on this subject I pretty much have the theory nailed on, but I’ll still be the first to admit that I’m not immune from preventing women taking up my energy in the way they act.  I’m only human, and when all said and done, I’m a sensitive and quite fundamental emotional guy.  It is only astuteness and life experience which has negated these innate characteristics.

A final thought

It would be a prudent question to ask whether women take pleasure out of men getting hurt, stressed, depressed and bewildered over the games they play.  By and large, I don’t think the vast majority of women do.  I’m quite sure most women don’t go to bed at night and say to themselves: “You go girl, you hurt that rat bastard as far as you can.” 

The reason I’m convinced women do act this way is, as alluded heavily to earlier, they are obsessed with how the world sees and perceives them, in conjunction with how important and popular they are to their watching direct and indirect networks.  Therefore, a woman subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) knowing she is stressing a man out with her games is a happier woman because she sees this expenditure, endeavour, stress, exertion, pain and hurt on his part as a symbol of her popularity and importance.  It isn’t because she holds strong desires to hurt him, per se.

Q-tip 2:

Play women at their own game.  If she backs off, don’t chase her.  If she acts like a bitch, you act like a jerk.  Is she disappears, you go off the face of the earth too.  If she is seeing or in touch with other men, you do likewise with other women.  If she calls you out, stand up to her and give her more verbal (but controlled) aggression back in return.  If she doesn’t ask you about yourself, ask her nothing back until she does.  If her interest in the two of you is wavering, waver yourself from the environment as well.

And when she does act nice, pleasant, amiable, genuine, honest and consistent, reward her with the applicable measures in return.

Wednesday, 9 December 2020

Early days psychology, comprehension, and acceptance

 

“You only die once, but you live life every day.”

  

Any honest single and uncommitted man would confess that 2020 has been, to say the least, a tough year on his romantic, sexual and dating experience.  If you follow the lockdown measures, you can’t even invite a woman back to your place.  If you don’t follow the measures, you then have the task of finding a woman not wearing a mask or who doesn’t think you are a COVID alien trying to inflict the disease onto her.

I’m a great believer, in any walk of life, that if your days become tough then the first and most important protocol is to accept this is the case.  This is closely followed by then toughening up (even after a few days feeling sorry for yourself), taking life less seriously, valuing the time you have been given on this planet and the time you have left, and doing something to mitigate and eradicate the black clouds you currently walk under.  Nobody is going to do it for you.

Some men just can’t accept and admit they are going through a barren spell with women.  I guess it’s an ego thing that he worries what his friends will think of his existential celibacy.  I have a mate who is clearly single, and he recently sent a picture on our WhatsApp group of his new ‘girlfriend’.  I immediately, partly innocently but also partly smelling a rat, messaged that she looked incredibly like a woman I’d seen on a TV programme many years ago.  One of the other men in the group then backed this up by stating the picture of this woman was a dead ringer for an actress in a current soap opera.  The mate in question claimed it just looked like her, but you could put two and two together and pretty much get four and a fraction that he has used this actress as his mysterious girlfriend. 

Again, there is no shame in facing up to dry spells with women.  There will be a high percentage of committed and married men having very little more sex than that (hence, little more than nothing).

 The meeting

Last Sunday morning I caught a woman checking me out in the gym.  Without getting a close look at her face, from a distance she was pretty much my type.  Although two or three inches taller than my ideal female height, her long straight brown hair, pale complexion and slim/curvy figure was enough to motivate further analysis.  She also looked a bit familiar, and I’d place a few quid on her seeing me before and recognizing me straight away.  It turns out we both went to the same previous gym last year.

After I had finished my chest workout, I put down a mat to do some abs training a few metres away from her.  It didn’t help that she was wearing those oversized headphones, and every time she walked to pick up a new piece of equipment she started talking to a mouthpiece.  For the record, I straight away thought she was talking to nobody at the end of the phone.  The conversation just didn’t seem a natural flow, and it was too much of a coincidence that the other ‘person’ was on the phone when she wasn’t working out per se.

Q-tip 1:

Because women are constantly obsessed and worried about their self-importance and popularity, they will often make up conversations on their phone or pretend they are texting (or irrelevantly texting) someone.  This is also to ease their low confidence levels in having to make eye contact with a stranger walking past them.

It’s never easy approaching a woman with big headphones on.  I’ve done it on more than a few occasions, and sometimes they don’t even look at me in most likely claiming (or lying) that all they are zoned in to is the music.  However, as on this instance another woman went up to her in stating she wasn’t permitted to throw a medicine ball against the wall, she was forced to take the headphones off.  This allowed me to start with an easy opener in asking if the other woman had told her off.

Straight away I could sense she had desires to talk.  She was enjoyable to talk to, quite articulate, and seemingly from a similar social class level to me.  After about ten minutes I said I had to crack on, but I suggested grabbing a coffee when things reopened.  She took my number. 

I had previously asked her if she had a boyfriend.  It was only retrospectively that I thought her pause and then answer of “No” was a little hesitant and with ambiguity.  It was also only in hindsight that it fathomed on me that she never asked one question about myself.

Q-tip 2:

There are three main reasons a woman wouldn’t ask a man any questions.  First, she is so wrapped up in her own life that she doesn’t hold any inclination to talk about anything but herself.  Second, she just isn’t romantically or sexually interested in the man in the slightest, so she just uses the conversation to talk about her own life.  Third, she is so intimidated and placed in an inferiority complex beside him that she doesn’t want to know anything about him that may produce an answer to make her feel even more inferior.

Nevertheless, she did text me less than an hour after we spoke.  However, for three days her texts were very brief and intermittent.  She only asked me one question throughout (which was printed as “you?”).  Actually, she asked me one more question, but that was only to lead to answer about herself.  The best it ever reached was when she agreed to go on a brunch date.  In her short answers there were a lot of “Ahahaha”, yet most of the time I was barely being funny.  I’m the first to admit I’m not that funny a person.  Basically, it was all about her, but with little effort or enthusiasm in her texts. 

The general psychology and strategy of text game, without getting into the intricacy, is to keep your messages no longer than the woman’s messages at the other end.  You should also text no sooner in timeframe than when she replied to you.  Let me tell you, whilst I kept my game tight, it was near on impossible to text in any shorter form.

The possibilities

As I have documented on this blog before, a man’s tight game and effective psychological strategy with women does help, but it can’t prevent mitigating circumstances that live in the life of the one at the other end.  In other words, if a woman has something going on in her life that interferes the path between the two of you, or if she has some voice going on in her head that has negativity of some nature towards being with you, there is next to nothing that game can do.  Game helps, but it can only take you so far.

These are the possibilities I have come up with:

1)    She still has some involvement with another man.  This could be an ex-boyfriend or someone she is/was casually seeing.  Even if you, as the new pursuer, are of higher quality and a better overall catch, women who are already involved with a guy, providing she is into him, tend to stay on that path until they become totally bored or he has nothing left to offer.

2)    She is just totally not attracted to me – whether physically, emotionally or in compatibility terms – at all.  If this is the case, I must have totally read the signs wrong pre meeting.

3)    She is in fact very attracted to me, to the point where it goes beyond productivity.  I know a lot of men fail to grasp or accept this explanation (most likely because they have never experienced it themselves), but a woman can be 100% physically attracted to a man, and she can in addition enjoy his personality and know he is a good catch, but she still concurrently feels somewhat inadequate alongside him.  She may believe she doesn’t match up to the past girlfriends he had.

4)    On the back of 3), whilst she is into me, she is a woman who has an ego that enforces her to show less endeavour, interest, and romantic pursuit than the man she is in contact with.  These kinds of women are by no means rare, and are far more common than women who are forthcoming in this respect.

5)    Her friends have given advice to not pursue, stating she doesn’t know enough about me.  If her friends are with mediocre looking boyfriends, don’t rule this advice out based on their own agendas and jealous motivations.

6)    She just finds me good to look at, but when push comes to shove, deep down she knows I’m not the kind of guy she would date. 

7)    She just uses me as a bit of short-term attention and validation.  The more guys (and people generally) that message her, the more important she feels.  In essence, I was just something for her ego.

I could come up with other reasons, but the above will be the most likely.  If I was a betting man, and I’m not, I’d confidently say it is a combination of 1) and 3).  You could throw in a couple of teaspoons of 5) and 6) to the recipe too. If 1) was in fact not the case, and I think it is, then it would be a combination of 3) and 4).

From here on in…

I’ve particularly produced this post, not to talk about myself, but in knowledge that many men will have, and will continue to do so, experienced scenarios just like this.  When a man is attracted to a woman, it is generally her game to lose.  In other words, outside of catastrophic wrongdoings, he will venture on with her if he finds her bangable and personable.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work in the same way with regards to the gender inverse dynamic. 

With this in mind, the last text I received from her was a one liner about (of course) herself and that she was back into the gym routine.  This answer was based on my previous question to her.  My last text, and it most likely will be the last dialogue between us was:

“Me too! X”

Effectively, this has done a few things. 

·       It may make her ask a few questions about her own efforts in all this.  Highly unlikely though, such is the female mentality in being faultless and to never question their own integrity.

·       It was the shortest, hence most apathetic, message I could pretty much come up with.  Two can play at that game…

·       It intimates at me saying (sarcastically) – “Thanks for asking if I’m back at the gym too!”

In essence, this has boxed her into a corner and leaves me with a win-win situation.  I don’t think she will reply now, as it will mean her instigating conversation which is clearly not in her nature or inclination.  So if she doesn’t reply, I will know for good she is not interested (irrespective of the main reason), go my separate way, and not waste any more time on this.  If she does reply, it will be on better terms than just replying to a question.  At that stage, I will reconsider in a form of proverbially not cutting my nose to spike my face. 

Q-tip 3:

When you can sense a woman you are hunting down slipping out your grasp with her undeniable acts of lies, apathy, distancing and lack of effort, the only solution for a man is to back off.  Don't make any more contact.  Although this by no means works every time, it is amazing how many women then make contact once they realize he is no longer coming back.

Q-tip 4:

Be disappointed with women, but never be surprised.  When you stop being surprised, you ultimately become less pissed off and see them easier for who they are.

Sunday, 29 November 2020

Screening for lying women

 

“Is it better to do a bad thing to suit others over a good thing to suit yourself?”

 

In truth, in this day and age detecting a female liar shouldn’t be a hard task such is the fact that the majority (in my opinion this is a large majority) of women lie on a constant basis.  It’s just an issue that is disregarded due to the modern day brainwashing that convinces the wider audience and public that women never lie, and consequently they only “fib” to benefit others such is their warm hearts.  To elaborate, the hypnotized consensus is in fact men who are the lying, cheating and generally rotten gender out there.

The story background

A couple of weeks ago a woman connected with me on LinkedIn, with the connection request instigated by her.  I, to my knowledge, had never met her or was aware of her name from previous endeavours.  As much as profile pictures online can be misleading to a point – hence people show their best look possible – her profile picture was one of a very physically attractive woman.

The following day I accepted her connection request and subsequently took a quick look at her company details.  She was the Director of this company, although judging by the website it was a very small company with limited numbers of employees.  I consequently sent her a message, in addition to my number for her to get in touch, stating there could be a link where both her company and I could benefit in future dealings.  This was/is more than a possibility, however I’ll be the first to admit that her hot profile picture was an equal motivation in my resulting proactivity. 

I suggested that we met for a coffee to discuss further once lockdown in England was relaxed.  As I had viewed her educational and professional background in ascertaining she had attained a clear knowledge of the German language, I wrote a few sentences in this language as part of an ice breaker. She came back to me less than an hour later (with some German), stating words to the effect that whilst she would be keen to meet for a coffee in normal circumstances (most likely her first lie), could we settle for an online virtual meeting?  I replied by saying that would be fine, expecting her to not take it any further.

A couple of days later she sent me a message in asking when I could squeeze a virtual meeting in.  I replied in the way of the days that were not convenient, and she proposed the following Thursday (nearly two weeks from her original connection).  A few days passed without contact, therefore once more I assumed she had disregarded the reality of this meeting, however three days prior to the meeting she sent across a meeting invite with a direct link.  I replied in thanking her for the email/invite.

Research on her

Well within my rights and thorough and advisable in professional terms, I took a few minutes not long after her meeting invite to seek some information on this company.  Naturally there is only so much you can acquire from company online source, however it appeared that there were two directors of this company – her and another man.  Their registered company address was a small flat in a dodgy part of Derby.  Putting two and two together and most likely equating fourish, the logical assumption is they are both business and romantic partners, living in a flat together.

I then further looked at her LinkedIn profile.  It appeared she was well educated, and based on her University graduation year, she would be 24 in age.  What did strike out, considering her very young age in an overall career perspective, was the array of jobs she had partaken in such a small timeframe.  Most of the roles documented were her as an employee of other companies, with this being her first director or company owner position.

Meeting day

Along came the day of the meeting.  I logged on about ten minutes prior to the scheduled start, and the screen message came up as “Waiting for the meeting host to arrive” (or to that effect).  I waited until fifteen minutes after the start time, and then gave up and logged off.  Essentially, she didn’t turn up.

It was no real skin off my nose, as it’s not like I’m up to much during lockdown measures.  I remember thinking to myself that I’d give her a 51% chance of turning up – hence giving her the benefit of the doubt she would – but I wouldn’t fall off my seat if she did not.  So when she flaked without notice, it was disappointment but not surprise.

The aftermath

The following day I sent her this message:

Well that wasn't very professional of you yesterday was it?

She replied a few hours later:

“I usually wait no more than 10 minutes for a virtual meeting for the attendee to show up. if they don’t show up or contact me to say they’re late I don’t tend to sit around and wait or spend time to chase them up. I think that’s reasonably fair.

The following morning, I replied:

“Well all I can say (on my late Father's life) is that I logged onto your meeting invite at least five minutes prior to 2pm, and it showed the message of waiting for the host to arrive (to that effect).  I waited until 2.15pm.  So if you are telling the truth and it was a technical issue, I sincerely apologize.

The fact she never came back to this message tells its own story.  If she had nothing to hide, she would have either of:

1)    Accepted my apology and said it’s one of those things.

2)    Been more hostile in her approach, confirming she did attend, and does not appreciate being implied as a liar.

Q-tip:

When a man has the cojones to call out a woman on her lies and bullshit, a woman will usually hide for the trenches.  Less common, but far from uncommon, is for a woman to become irrational and delusional, and get on the attack in blaming the man for calling her a liar (whether she is lying or not, which by clear majority she is).  The reason most women have no idea in how to handle being called out on their lies, is simply because we live in a world of weak men who aren’t ballsy enough to stand up to female misdemeanours, such is the fear that they (the men) cannot do any better and his woman will leave him if he doesn’t act in an accordance that makes her look and feel a human being with full integrity and morals.

The non-professional dynamic between her and me

If I was a betting man, and I’m not, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, my guess is she did a bit of looking up on my background.  In fact, I know she looked on my LinkedIn profile due to the viewed confirmation one receives.  If she looked at my Facebook profile pictures, and I’d hedge without proof that she did, she would have seen me in more aesthetic form.

Judging by the pictures I saw of her partner, it wouldn’t take more than two eyes to tell you I’m considerably more pleasing on the eye than him.  Add on the natural boredom factor any man or woman incurs when they are romantically involved with a member of the opposite sex for a prolonged period of time, and add on a bit of obvious plausibly denied flirty online chat I made, and my existence made her feel uncomfortable.

So in essence, her professional mind swayed towards what could be in it for her, but her personal mind manifested to feelings she wasn’t at ease with.  Post meeting day, whilst I’m sure she respects a man for calling her out for lying and not turning up, a woman like her wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole now.  A woman’s biggest fear is of a man who can see through her mask and lies, such is the rarity this occurs in her life due to the hoards of naïve, passive, unchallenging, accommodating, gullible, desperate, willing and weak men at her disposal.

A final thought

Women lying has become so part of their daily routine that it almost appears they have no remorse whatsoever in doing so.  If they are all at it, why should they feel guilty one iota?  Has this world become so competitive and a battle of survival that it is even promoted to lie in order to make ends meat and feel better about yourself?

Do women consciously lie, or is it simply a subconscious mechanism derived from their pride, ego, and non-accountable mentality of any wrongdoing?  For once, I act a little more on the compassionate side in believing it falls somewhere between the two.  Whilst I firmly believe some women do consciously lie on a regular basis without an ounce of contrition by living such a delusional life to think wrong is right, a larger share of women try to intricately work around the lies they tell.  In other words, whilst these women are most likely aware at the back of their minds they aren’t telling the truth, they will dress up a main lie with elements of the truth that allow them to feel less of a liar and that bit more moral. 

In effect, this subtle lying strategy isn’t much better than blatant female liars, although from my experience these kinds of women do tend to be “nicer” people than their conscious lying female counterparts.  I find these strategic female liars, if you will, are often women who are in need to feed their egos and feel better about themselves – to compensate for their lack of natural confidence and self-belief – therefore they will fabricate stories, mixed with fibs, in order to not get washed away in a fountain of self-doubts that real life constantly throws at them.

A final, final thought

Going back to the woman in this anecdote, she had been in more jobs in her career than I had in a career that spans more than ten years longer.  As someone who has been made redundant four times, I’m reserved and reluctant to criticize due to knowing how losing a job can often be bad luck and out of someone’s control, but with her my best guess is it goes far deeper than this misfortune possibility.

A few years ago, I dated a woman for about six months who appeared to have been in more jobs than years to her life (she was 27!).  It’s no coincidence that she was never satisfied with anything I, or life, supplied for her.  It was as if life owed her something more than she could objectively offer. 

I think a woman who is always expecting in life beyond what reality can bring her is often a woman who will have been in more jobs than the average person.  Second to this is a woman who just cannot get on with people.  They always move on in thinking something or someone will offer them more than the last one.  Sometimes this will be the case.  Often it won’t be.

Tuesday, 27 October 2020

COVID-19 winners and losers in relationships

 

“It’s only when the tide goes out that you learn who has been swimming naked.”

(Warren Buffett)

 

I doubt many of us wouldn’t have expected to still be in the same, if not worse, predicament now as in comparison to the early part of this year.  Whether it be on health, psychological or economic spectrums, there aren’t any current signs of a brighter day post COVID-19 implications.

I certainly have not been immune to all this.  Whilst I still have scepticism on the whole statistics side, I guess when hospitals are crowded and coronavirus case numbers are increasing, the whole pandemic cannot be disregarded no matter how cynical a person one may be.  I still find it strange that, in spite of attaining a fairly large network of people within my working and personal groups, I don’t know of one person who has been inflicted by the virus.  I barely know of any on a second hand basis too.

Psychologically, I have sailed through all this, although I know many who have struggled.  When the sun is shining and you aren’t suffocated in seeing your wife and kids too much (as I’m not, due to owning neither), it’s easier for the long days to pass.  The winter will be more testing to many though, including myself.

Economically, it has been a mixed bag.  My financial portfolio is bizarrely at an all time high (mainly due to financial stimulus being bumped into corporate greed once more), yet this positive strike is somewhat negated by now effectively being unemployed due to the business I worked for going insolvent.  I’m in the company of tens of millions more around the world in losing their jobs.

The winners and losers in relationships

When I published this post back in March, my prediction was this would lead to a favourable consequence for beta males who are willing in commitment and provision.  Look forward six months or so, I think this was now a conservative view.  It is an incredible time for these men if they make the right steps.

As always, any circumstance brings about winners and losers.  I’ll cover the main two from each side:

Winner 1 - Beta Male / Nice Guys

Basically, these men have had a spring and summer like no other.  As I documented in this post amongst other snippets, in normal times a lot of these men will be dumped by women shortly after Valentines Day in order for them (women) to pursue edgier men and fun times with the girls on nights out and holidays.  But this has been no ordinary year.

What COVID-19 has produced - with its associated lockdown measures, social venue restrictions and limited travel – is a greater necessity for women to stay with men they perhaps are indifferent with and men they would have ordinarily moved on from.  A greater need for boyfriend companionship and validation has arisen from this mess we are found in, and this will be all the more applicable the smaller the city/town population.  When not as many female friends are venturing out, more women will choose for boyfriend time.

Winner 2 – Homely Girls

Homely girls – often cute girls ranging from 6.5/10 to 7.5/10 in physical attractiveness – are by no mean coincidence usually found with your typical average looking beta male.  The two kind of go hand in hand.  Homely girls aren’t too fond on socializing with female friends and they have a stronger need for boyfriend validation than their hotter female counterparts, whilst nice guys gain through securing these women who are better looking then them in gender relative terms (“he’s boxing above his weight”).

Nevertheless, although homely girls are accustomed with greater loyalty, trust and faithfulness, they are not any less inclined in thinking of a passionate night with an edgier man.  Some eventually act out their fantasy in practice too. 

However, with fewer good time girls and drama queens telling them stories of nights out, holidays, festivals and flirting with hotter men, a homely girl will feel better about her lifestyle choice in being with a safe, even if mundane, man.

 Loser 1 – Hot Men / Bad Boys / Cads

It would take a while to differentiate the fortunes between all three, but parallels will exist.  In all cases, this compartment of men is by and large most prominent in low commitment levels and high short term relationships with women.

Of course, these men rely on vibrant social dynamics where single women (or attached women going out with their female friends) are plentiful in being seen and having drunk, good times.  When bars are shutting at 10pm latest and an open nightclub is like seeing a pig flying in the sky, women willing to partake in these short term flings and good times are far lower in number.  It’s no coincidence that you are seeing a lot more aesthetic men in gyms at early doors.

 Loser 2 – Female Social Media Whores / Attention Seekers / Girl’s Girls

Again, at the risk of being ignorant in not separating each group, each one will entwine with the other on many occasions.  Similar to the men as explained directly above, these women are reliant on a high intensity social scene in order to exploit their all so fabulous life, existence and importance.  With all this being taken away, there are only so many photos a woman can take and post on Instagram from the corners of her lounge (which, as a by-product of the modern day female character we have to live with, has happened a lot over the last six months).

Unlike a man who requires a hectic nightlife environment in order to increase his chances of sex, women are far more concerned (and many women are only concerned) with showing the world how great she is.  The attention from men she receives is just an add on feel good factor and ego boost to assist the social media exploitation.  A large proportion of this exposure facility has been taken away from her.

 A final thought

So in essence, the biggest winners are men and women who like to spend a lot of time with their partner, and the biggest losers are men and women who hold strong predilections for low commitment and self-projected attention respectively.  For the foreseeable future, those who like steady relationships, even if passion is not of high optimums, are the ones with smiles on their faces.

Nothing lasts for ever though.  Life is cyclical, and things will eventually change.  Maybe this time though, those women who have lived a year of this life will change their ways indefinitely.  Or will human nature dictate, and normal service will be resumed this time next year?  Or, more likely, in eighteen months time.  For once, I cannot say with total conviction which side of the coin I believe it will fall on. 

Sunday, 18 October 2020

Modern day drama queen women

 

“Some aspects of life have manifested in a race to the bottom.  At times it feels like people throw an inundated amount of shit at the wall, playing the numbers game in ultimate hope that eventually some of it sticks.”

 

It could be teenage girls rambling on about nothing when you walk past them during walking your dog.  Maybe it is early 20’s women – in the prime of their physical looks and social options life pinch point – slagging off their friends, boyfriend, or a man who has effectively treated her like shit (which ironically is kind of what she desires anyway).  In today’s era, it can also be women in their mid to late 20’s, extending the period when they really should have grown out (but unfortunately they have not) of acting like their immature former self ten years ago.  Perhaps you have recently played school pick up role of Dad or Uncle, and you overhear women in their 30’s or even 40’s speaking amongst their peers about the social media goings on in their pitiful small local network.  And whilst thank god not as common, but equally growing in number, you even today find women in their 50’s, 60’s and heaven help us 70’s still looking for ways to keep the flame burning in their lives as a product of exaggerated stories.

The long and the short of it is, if you are willing to let yourself be dragged into some sort of commitment with >95% of women – no matter how big (hence living together, engagement or marriage) or small (short to medium term dating) this commitment is to be – you need to be fully prepared that the modern day woman is a species striving for drama in her life on a factory line basis, and it shows no sign of slowing down any time soon.  If you somehow do land on a dime where the woman you are involved with doesn’t seem to be one to grasp an ounce of drama at any given opportunity, you are most likely a man living in vain hope, ignorance of reality, or simple lack of experience with women to compare a pool of averages.

 Q-tip 1:

If you find a woman where everything in the early stages seems too good to be true, it is because it probably is (too good to be true).

The recent scenario

Last Sunday I was on a very quick early gym session before rushing off to see my young nephew play his first football match.  I had only been working out for ten minutes when I could hear some kind of verbal commotion about ten yards away.  Sat on one of the static benches was the male gym duty manager, although I assume he wasn’t working at that particular time.  His verbal shouting opponent was a female Personal Trainer / employee in her work uniform.  He is a slightly above average looking guy with what seems like small man’s syndrome issues, whilst she has always come across as quite friendly in addition to her cute physical attractiveness of 7/10.  She’s a bit too bow-legged for my liking, although facially very pretty. 

They went at it for about ten minutes, and the basis of it was her waxing not so lyrical about just “some guy she knows.”  He was giving as good as he got back, but I couldn’t grasp quite what he was replying with.  I presumed the two of them were together emotionally in some capacity.

A week on (hence today), and I was queuing for opening.  She got out her car and towards the door, commenting on that she thought the doors would be open.  She called someone on her phone, and a minute later the man referenced above, this time in his work clothing, opened up.  As I walked to the changing rooms, I heard her say just something routine to him. 

About twenty minutes into my workout, I moved to the other side of the gym (which is near the reception area) to finish off the last half of chest routine.  Low and behold, the two of them were at it again, and they continued on and off for approximately ten minutes.  I have to confess that for a few minutes last week it was kind of amusing.  Today it just came across as tedious, pitiful and desperate.  Not a grain of discretion or professionalism between the pair.  Then again, what should I expect from two gym workers in a chavvy side of Derby (with respect!).

My interaction with her

For the last ten minutes I went over to the TRX area to do some core work.  She came over to the blackboard which is situated over there prior to her 9am body pump class tuition.  I sarcastically said to her that I don’t need to watch any soap operas when her and that guy are going at it, to which she laughed and just said “oh, we’re just friends having a disagreement.”  I said to her, with a smirk on my face, that from my experience when someone hates another person that passionately there is a deep-rooted emotional attraction for them.  She impulsively denied this, saying they were just friends.  I said they seem more like a married couple.  She questioned to me if I never have arguments with my friends.  I replied in stating not really, and I added that I wouldn’t argue with a woman I wasn’t into as she would mean nothing to me to waste energy on (in retrospect, that isn’t completely true as I could argue with an unattractive provocative woman or a cock block etc…).

On the back of my comment about not arguing with a woman I’m not attracted to, I sensed a slight hesitation on her part, almost like she was trying to work this out.  She would have thought one of the two possibilities, each with contrasting outcomes to her ego:

  •  She could have taken this as a positive strike to her ego in interpreting my words as the guy finding her attractive.
  •  She could have taken this as an immediate negative blow to her ego, in construing my platonic demeanour towards her as me being unattracted.

Most likely, as women will do anything to send themselves to the moon, she will focus on the former.  In any case, not for a moment do I believe they are just friends.  Friends with benefits is the most likely circumstance.

Q-tip 2:

Women handle a friends with benefits relationship far worse than men.  This is purely because women, outside of prostitutes or porn actresses, find it much harder to disassociate passion and sex with emotional commitment.  Men on the other hand can easily go into a no strings attached agreement with a woman on a sex only basis, and quite happily not become emotionally involved.  This is, from a man’s perspective, because although he will happily not knock a gift horse in the mouth, deep down he has ruled her out as long term girlfriend or wife material – such is the too easy access to sex and questioning how many men she has done it with, or will do it with again.

To put another way, a man can have sex with a woman without attaining even a pint-sized pocket of love projected onto her.  As alluded to above, easy sex outside of committed relationships will only conceivably distance any prospective love he could have onto her.  Conversely, once a woman has had sex with a man or is contemplating having sex with him, the likelihood is she has some kind of (if not pure) twisted loving feeling towards him.

Don’t be the one to save the jerk loving / drama hunting woman

As I have directlyand indirectly explained in these two previous posts, when a woman has a clear inclination for jerks, or she has stated how unlucky she is and always ends up with men who treat her badly, she is one to stay away from in terms of commitment.  Have your fun with her, but draw the line there.  In spite of being a little above average looking, 5ft 6” maximum in height, and working in a low paid profession – hence objectively not of high sought after male calibre -  my better judgement tells me the man referenced in this post has an element of jerky reputation that has been manifested into the woman’s mind.  This attraction of his jerkiness is all the more compounded when it is a man somewhere floating in the circle of people she knows personally.  Women of today’s era find a greater need for drama produced from their small WhatsApp links or similar, than meeting men from corners they don’t know first-hand. 

A woman who has a history of dating jerks and/or men who are apathetic towards her will tell and usually convince nice guys – as >80% of men are nice guys – that all this is based on bad luck and nothing to do with her subconscious (or sometimes conscious) choices to go for men who bring the most drama to her life.  I always go by simple statistics.  If she dipped her hand in a bag looking the other way and 8 to 9 balls were green (nice guys) and 1 to 2 balls were red (jerks), would she pick out a red ball every time?  I think not.

A final thought

Women who strive for a constant and indefinite need for drama, often connected to dating jerks, are effectively women who cannot grow up in maturity terms.  You can reason and comprehend with a female mind following the natural innate character make up that is a teenage girl who goes for what is forbidden and in addition to feed her inner drama queen, but in order to be prepared to commit to a woman and put your financial, emotional, time and psychological well-being on the line, you have to be firm and predict that if she hasn’t grown out of this by 23, she probably never fully will.  And this will implicate on you in due course when she becomes bored of the stable relationship she has found with you.

In essence, you have a choice.  Go balls deep and hope for the most in committing to one of these women, or play a much safer game in the law of averages by acting apathetic, indifferent, non-committal and jerky towards her.  The irony is, in spite of telling all her friends that she wants nothing more than a nice guy to treat her right, the truth is she would end up with greater unhappiness with this “perfect guy” than she would do in being with the man who treats her like dog crap.

Sunday, 6 September 2020

Caught between a rock and a hard place

 “We have to do with the past only as we can make it useful to the present and the future.”

(Frederick Douglass, The Meaning of the Fourth of July for the Negro)


This post is most relevant to men who are a few years into their 30’s and up to middle 40’s.  It is even more pertinent for those in this age bracket who look after themselves in a physical sense.  It still holds relevance to men younger and older than this age range, however as you will read on it will explain why not as much.  Irrespective of age, it in entirety will only be related to with men who have a few brain cells to fathom these things out.  I would tend to think anyone who reads this blog has more than a few of those.

I recently moved to a new gym establishment, in consequently cancelling the membership I had held at the former venue for many years.  Once reopening came about at my former gym post lockdown closure, it was like a ghost town with barely more than ten people in at any given time.  Half of them were pensioners.  For the record, the current gym I have joined costs little more than half the membership fee ($25/month equivalent) against the former ($45/month), and generally speaking you will find that by no mean coincidence the more you pay in life, the higher the quality of product or service.  The inverse of course applies.  Saving money was not a motive in my decision.  I felt like a change, and the time felt right too. 

There are more than twenty gyms in a small city like Derby alone.  Little wonder a few of them have not reopened since being permitted to, and the one I previously attended also went into insolvency (but has since been bought out by a new chain).  With this in mind, and like nearly any other city or town in the world where there will be affluent, poor and middle range social class suburbs within, gyms can be a reflection to what kind of clientele exist in the geographical network as a whole.

The two polar opposite scenarios with female physical and mental interaction

As I queued this morning a couple of minutes prior to opening, ahead of me stood a woman who looked in her late 30’s to early 40’s.  After I routinely said “Morning”, she configured the next line of topic.  We struck up conversation about this gym and gyms generally around the area.  I wasn’t even in the slightest physically attracted to her, although she was in reasonable shape.  Even in a few minutes it was such a comfortable and enjoyable chat, with both of us on a same wavelength and seemingly similar social class.  In fact, she said she lives in the village I was brought up in – middle class in general terms.  I could sense her disappointment when she saw me wearing a wedding ring.  This is a tactic I use deliberately, although not only, to not give women I am not attracted to the wrong idea.  As a friendly and interactive guy, a lot of women can get the wrong impression.  Women I am attracted to will, on an average basis, be likely no more or less attracted to me if they see this ring on my committed finger.

Nevertheless, as alluded to earlier, by and large low prices will gather lower income people or people with less disposable income to the environment.  What a low (or lower cost in relative terms) gym cost will produce is a younger and/or most likely lower class level of personnel.  In some cases, the younger members – late teens to early 20’s – may in fact belong to a middle class or even above middle to upper class family, however their own lack of funds naturally only allow them to a more budget oriented fitness club.  By clear majority, in any case.

Based on experience, what a man will then find is a higher number and percentage of physically attractive women at a lower paid gym - excluding the WAG venues which are >$150/month paid by their rich beta or (or isolated footballer) husbands.  The lower the cost, the younger the female consumer.  The younger the female consumer, the more physically attractive she is likely to be.  It all feeds through.  Whilst this in visual terms is obviously pleasing, like most things in life, every positive comes with a negative.  The big negative in this scenario is a lack of female personality and social confidence. 

Pre social media

There was a reason at the beginning why I stressed this post is not as relevant to men younger than 30.  The reason being is because any man above this age (give or take a year) will have, even if only for a short period of time, experienced a life before Facebook came along.  Facebook was the start, and then the feeder ground for even worse attention seeking and egotistical social media platforms.  Maybe you even remember a time when only rich businessmen owned mobile phones, and not every second person you walked past the street had their head held down in typing.

Whilst the world was far from perfect prior to social media (granted, there were one or two others I recollect before Facebook, but these were more just reuniting websites with very little emphasis on the self-importance mindset), the planet before mobile phones and social media forced people to at least talk to each other and develop their personalities and charisma.  Even people not blessed with intelligence would need at least a decent level of ability to hold a conversation just to get by.

This necessity of personality and amiability has almost become a none-requirement in the modern day.  Men, as the gender still in this day and age who hold more responsibility to bring in money and attain the best profession they can land on, need it more than women, but not even to the slightest degree in comparison to generations that preceded.  Women, it seems in general terms, have little need any more to develop any kind of positive persona or likeability.

So what does this bring about?

Simply put, the modern day manifests a young woman being motivated to look as good as she can, yet she spends a 24/7 life worrying what the world thinks of her.  Rare are the days a man can approach this woman and just have an enjoyable conversation.  Near absolution are the days when, to conceal her insecurity and lack of confidence, she holds her head down to her phone or places over-sized headphones on in order to avoid any human interaction or eye contact. 

You can blame it on social media, a lack of male fortitude to not kiss a half-decent looking woman’s ass, or just a circumstance of evolution, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because the end product is the same. 

Q-tip 1:

Exceptions do exist, but they are so rare and isolated that the law of averages don’t play well in a man’s favour.  I’ve met some young women with great personalities, and equally I’ve experienced unattractive women in their 40’s, 50 or even 60’s who have acted with body language antagonism, hostility, and verbal and physical aggression towards me.  But generally speaking in female age respects, the perfect balance is the physical side of the former and the personality of the latter.

Is there a perfect balance?

On paper, the best balance a man can hope for would be women in their middle to late 20’s or women who have looked after themselves in their 30’s.  In theory, here you have physical attractiveness combined with a woman who no longer takes herself too seriously, who isn’t as insecure or as self-conscious, and has realised men do actually like female personality and friendliness (unlike the false female projection thought process - in the opposite way where women are attracted to moody and aggressive men, to an extent anyway).

In theory.  I find in today’s world that women almost never desire (or most likely are too frightened to accept the candle is burning) to grow up in a mental capacity, so they try and compensate this by deliberately still acting immature and like the little girl they always were.  It’s as if by still acting like a little girl convinces her that time isn’t passing her by.  Women’s fondest memories of life will always be when they were most physically attractive, and unfortunately for them this occurs way too soon and lasts no where near as long as they would like it to.

Add on the fact that most women in this age bracket are already with, or lining up, the beta male to provide them with a wedding, house and kids to show off, and it’s no mean coincidence you don’t see many women in gyms who are aged late 20’s to early 30’s.

A final thought

I like to go to the gym early mornings – 6am in the week and 8am at weekends (not every day) to get it out the way – therefore this may have a lot to do with my next thought.  What gyms, at least early in the morning but later on too, derive is a false representation of gender physical attractiveness.  In general terms, if you picked a random thousand women and a thousand random men aged 18 to 35, there would be four to five times as many physically attractive women as there would be men.   The mean female grade would be at least a level higher between both groups of a thousand as well.

With this in mind, why is it there are considerably more physically attractive men than women in the gym? 

  • One reason is as already implied – women (especially attractive women) will tend to avoid public gatherings where they look their least physically attractive (without make-up, hair not brushed well etc).  A higher number and percentage of women will train in the evening.
  •  Another reason is women aren’t as prone to work hard for things.  To get the best results you need to attend the gym regularly and train to your limit – something men in life are innately born to do and conversely women expect it is given to them for free. 
  • Women aren’t as confident as men when alone and with nobody to talk to (“What will the world think of me if I’m on my own!?”).  Therefore, unless she has a routine female workout partner, her inclination to attend and insecurity of lonesome travelling is low and high respectively.
  • On a similar “safety in numbers” psychology to the above, many women will only attend the gym to do a spin class or similar.  With this concept, you don’t see these women in the gym, per se.
  • Once a woman finds a man she is happy to be with, whether this is genuine passion to be with him or simple boyfriend validation requirement she is going through, women are more likely to quit anything that requires hard work or a motivation to look as good.  Most women will know that the men they are with will stay with them even if she puts on a few pounds. 

A final, final thought

You will also find more than a fair share of women who will only train with their male boyfriends.  Women of this nature are symbolic to women who cannot bear to be in an environment with other women to compete with, so they hang around other men to negate this irritable feeling.  It is the same dynamic to the perennial woman who never (or rarely) goes out with her female friends, and in substitute prefers to go out with her boyfriend and his mates.

I can understand it from the female perspective as explained above – it masks over her insecurity and gives her the attention she craves for.  What I can’t understand is why any man would go along with this on a regular basis?  First, surely the best relationships are where you have some distance between – hence you don’t live in each other’s pockets and have more to talk about when you are together?  Second, there can’t be a man who has ever set foot in a gym in his life who can honestly say he had a better and more productive workout when training with his girlfriend than in contrast to working out on his own?

What this all boils down to is a man equally as insecure as his girlfriend, but in a different manner.  Whereas she is insecure in so far as fear of being on her own and not having any attention in an environment with other women around, he is insecure because he is worried that she has eyes on other (and more sought after) men and she will be approached by them.  Quite sad really.

Q-tip 2:

As I always say, if a woman is going to cheat on you, she will find a way, time and place to do so.  No amount of clinging onto her and tracking her every move will mitigate this, especially over a period of time.  If a woman cheats on a man, any half-witted male human being will be able to pick up on this.  And if she does cheat on you (outside of marriage in the main), she has done you a favour in allowing you to not commit any further to a garbage excuse of a woman.  Comprenez vous?