“When you’re a kid, all you want to do is
play. When you’re an adolescent, the wrong
games you play can be forgiven. When you’re
an adult, surely those games have become old?”
In an ideal world, a man will meet a woman he likes who is so genuine, honest, moral and mentally mature that there will be no need to understand what goes through her mind and why she acts the way she acts. Unfortunately, the world is not ideal.
There won’t be an honest man in the western world who has not been hurt by a woman. If, by the smallest chance there is, it will only be because he has set his standards so low in terms of sought-after women that he cannot be hurt such is the apathy he attained from the start. So to reiterate, >99% of men will have been emotionally hurt by a woman or women in some way, shape or form.
The usual scenario
The most common form of a woman hurting a man is actually prior to them becoming too heavily involved. I find, from both personal experience and general knowledge, that once a woman has slept with a man, she has invested in him to a point where she either loves him or is falling in love with him. I predict that in nine cases out of ten, a woman has already fallen in love with a man when she has decided to sleep with him. Even if a woman entertains a one-night stand with a man, there will still be a significant amount of emotional investment placed on her part.
Therefore, the usual situation where a woman hurts a man is when they are in the early stages of dating. This can be weeks or months – depending on how naïve and forgiving a man is before he kicks her into touch due to her lack of interest – but it is an easy mistake to make when you are younger. The reason this is a very forgivable mistake for a man to make is because, absence of experience with many women, all the signs in the early stages are bright. It appears she has shown interest, she texts back in nice fashion, she accepts his invitations of dates, and all appears rosy in the garden.
The problem is women are far different to men in the way they think during the early days and weeks. As stated before, a man only needs to find a woman physically attractive and (and sometimes not) enjoyable company in order to progress and try to move things on. A woman, on the other hand, will have based her early interest on differing emotions such as the enjoyment and validation of attention she receives from him. Quite often, the woman in this dynamic will hold no intention whatsoever to become seriously involved with him.
Caveat to above:
The higher you go up the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more likely and common the explanation above runs true. The lower you go down the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more common it is for said woman to not play this game, and in fact she may border on being too keen.
Ultimately, the more options a woman attains and the more attention she receives from men (whether directly or indirectly), the more prominent she is to play silly games that emotionally moves a man in a negative mental state.
Kind of obvious to say but important to clarify, the better looking a woman is, the more likely she is to play games.
Blowing hot and cold
The irony is that, from my experience once more, women can become cold on the back of their, so to speak, hottest moment. For example, she may have been moderate in her enthusiasm throughout the early exchanges, and then she blasts you with words that would seemingly radiate the most interest she has shown from the start. It’s an easy mistake for a man to think it is all a clear runway from here on in, but then poof, it can be followed by a spell of total disinterest from her.
Here are just a few signs any smart man will pick up on when her interest starts to waver:
· Cold spell after a hot sign (as explained above)
· Disappearing acts for days
· Sex withdrawal (should you be at that stage)
· Silence when together
· Cryptic comments
· Claiming (hence lying) she is so busy that she forgot to contact
· Crying for no reason during conversation
· Frequent moodiness when with you
· Blaming things on you for not understanding or not knowing what is wrong
· Broadcasting the accolades of her friend’s boyfriends
· Signs that she is listening to her female (and some lapdog male) advice over your view
· Spending less time with you and more with her external interest parties
The above list is not exhaustive, but it will cover most of what a man will go through. I’d hedge a fair bet any man can relate to this.
Why is this the case?
Why, after such a positive sign, can things turn south at a sound of a heartbeat? The easiest explanation would be to use a car journey analogy. A man will hold predilection to drive at a constant speed to reach his destination. There may not be too many exhilarating moments in that journey, but equally he will not be at risk of crashing or inflicting pain on his passengers. Conversely, a woman will drive the car far more recklessly with far less fear to the consequences and who she may hurt in the passenger or back seats. Her greatest concern is her own inner required feelings. There will be huge highs on that journey, but, most likely when it happens, there will be tears when the car is written off and people are injured.
Still follow me? In easier language, men prefer a steady, consistent, predictable and routine life that can be planned with as little stress and drama as possible. Women, on the total opposite extreme, feel their life is worth living when they are either at the top or the bottom of the rollercoaster. They have their most pleasurable moments when either their existence appears so important, popular, busy, fast paced and dramatic, or when it is in despair, pain, victimisation, stress and depression.
So if you do experience the extreme cold spell subsequent to the enriching hot moment, know it is because she never quite knows which side of the coin she wants the toss to land on.
How to hurt less from women’s games
Once you know how women will act - which can only be a by-product of understanding the female emotional make-up and psychology – you stop being surprised when things turn out the way they do. You half expect it, and if they don’t play games or have hot-cold (or similar behavioural traits) moments, you actually start to worry even more. When something appears too good to be true, it’s probably because it is too good to be true.
At this juncture, when you concurrently understand what women are like, how they will act, and never being surprised in how they will be or deliver, the hurt becomes less and less. Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m far more experienced with women than the average man, and as a writer of a blog on this subject I pretty much have the theory nailed on, but I’ll still be the first to admit that I’m not immune from preventing women taking up my energy in the way they act. I’m only human, and when all said and done, I’m a sensitive and quite fundamental emotional guy. It is only astuteness and life experience which has negated these innate characteristics.
A final thought
It would be a prudent question to ask whether women take pleasure out of men getting hurt, stressed, depressed and bewildered over the games they play. By and large, I don’t think the vast majority of women do. I’m quite sure most women don’t go to bed at night and say to themselves: “You go girl, you hurt that rat bastard as far as you can.”
The reason I’m convinced women do act this way is, as alluded heavily to earlier, they are obsessed with how the world sees and perceives them, in conjunction with how important and popular they are to their watching direct and indirect networks. Therefore, a woman subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) knowing she is stressing a man out with her games is a happier woman because she sees this expenditure, endeavour, stress, exertion, pain and hurt on his part as a symbol of her popularity and importance. It isn’t because she holds strong desires to hurt him, per se.
Play women at their own game. If she backs off, don’t chase her. If she acts like a bitch, you act like a jerk. Is she disappears, you go off the face of the earth too. If she is seeing or in touch with other men, you do likewise with other women. If she calls you out, stand up to her and give her more verbal (but controlled) aggression back in return. If she doesn’t ask you about yourself, ask her nothing back until she does. If her interest in the two of you is wavering, waver yourself from the environment as well.
And when she does act nice, pleasant, amiable, genuine, honest and consistent, reward her with the applicable measures in return.