Monday, 14 December 2020

How to hurt less from women’s games

 

“When you’re a kid, all you want to do is play.  When you’re an adolescent, the wrong games you play can be forgiven.  When you’re an adult, surely those games have become old?” 

 

In an ideal world, a man will meet a woman he likes who is so genuine, honest, moral and mentally mature that there will be no need to understand what goes through her mind and why she acts the way she acts.  Unfortunately, the world is not ideal.

There won’t be an honest man in the western world who has not been hurt by a woman.  If, by the smallest chance there is, it will only be because he has set his standards so low in terms of sought-after women that he cannot be hurt such is the apathy he attained from the start.  So to reiterate, >99% of men will have been emotionally hurt by a woman or women in some way, shape or form.

The usual scenario 

The most common form of a woman hurting a man is actually prior to them becoming too heavily involved.  I find, from both personal experience and general knowledge, that once a woman has slept with a man, she has invested in him to a point where she either loves him or is falling in love with him.  I predict that in nine cases out of ten, a woman has already fallen in love with a man when she has decided to sleep with him.  Even if a woman entertains a one-night stand with a man, there will still be a significant amount of emotional investment placed on her part.

Therefore, the usual situation where a woman hurts a man is when they are in the early stages of dating.  This can be weeks or months – depending on how na├»ve and forgiving a man is before he kicks her into touch due to her lack of interest – but it is an easy mistake to make when you are younger.  The reason this is a very forgivable mistake for a man to make is because, absence of experience with many women, all the signs in the early stages are bright.  It appears she has shown interest, she texts back in nice fashion, she accepts his invitations of dates, and all appears rosy in the garden.

The problem is women are far different to men in the way they think during the early days and weeks.  As stated before, a man only needs to find a woman physically attractive and (and sometimes not) enjoyable company in order to progress and try to move things on.  A woman, on the other hand, will have based her early interest on differing emotions such as the enjoyment and validation of attention she receives from him.  Quite often, the woman in this dynamic will hold no intention whatsoever to become seriously involved with him.

Caveat to above:

The higher you go up the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more likely and common the explanation above runs true.  The lower you go down the female physical attractiveness ladder, the more common it is for said woman to not play this game, and in fact she may border on being too keen. 

Ultimately, the more options a woman attains and the more attention she receives from men (whether directly or indirectly), the more prominent she is to play silly games that emotionally moves a man in a negative mental state. 

Q-tip 1:

Kind of obvious to say but important to clarify, the better looking a woman is, the more likely she is to play games.

Blowing hot and cold

The irony is that, from my experience once more, women can become cold on the back of their, so to speak, hottest moment.  For example, she may have been moderate in her enthusiasm throughout the early exchanges, and then she blasts you with words that would seemingly radiate the most interest she has shown from the start.  It’s an easy mistake for a man to think it is all a clear runway from here on in, but then poof, it can be followed by a spell of total disinterest from her.

Here are just a few signs any smart man will pick up on when her interest starts to waver:

·       Cold spell after a hot sign (as explained above)

·       Disappearing acts for days

·       Sex withdrawal (should you be at that stage)

·       Silence when together

·       Cryptic comments

·       Claiming (hence lying) she is so busy that she forgot to contact

·       Crying for no reason during conversation

·       Frequent moodiness when with you

·       Blaming things on you for not understanding or not knowing what is wrong

·       Broadcasting the accolades of her friend’s boyfriends

·       Signs that she is listening to her female (and some lapdog male) advice over your view

·       Spending less time with you and more with her external interest parties

The above list is not exhaustive, but it will cover most of what a man will go through.  I’d hedge a fair bet any man can relate to this.

Why is this the case?

Why, after such a positive sign, can things turn south at a sound of a heartbeat?  The easiest explanation would be to use a car journey analogy.  A man will hold predilection to drive at a constant speed to reach his destination.  There may not be too many exhilarating moments in that journey, but equally he will not be at risk of crashing or inflicting pain on his passengers.  Conversely, a woman will drive the car far more recklessly with far less fear to the consequences and who she may hurt in the passenger or back seats.  Her greatest concern is her own inner required feelings.  There will be huge highs on that journey, but, most likely when it happens, there will be tears when the car is written off and people are injured.

Still follow me?  In easier language, men prefer a steady, consistent, predictable and routine life that can be planned with as little stress and drama as possible.  Women, on the total opposite extreme, feel their life is worth living when they are either at the top or the bottom of the rollercoaster.  They have their most pleasurable moments when either their existence appears so important, popular, busy, fast paced and dramatic, or when it is in despair, pain, victimisation, stress and depression.

So if you do experience the extreme cold spell subsequent to the enriching hot moment, know it is because she never quite knows which side of the coin she wants the toss to land on.

How to hurt less from women’s games

Once you know how women will act - which can only be a by-product of understanding the female emotional make-up and psychology – you stop being surprised when things turn out the way they do.  You half expect it, and if they don’t play games or have hot-cold (or similar behavioural traits) moments, you actually start to worry even more.  When something appears too good to be true, it’s probably because it is too good to be true.

At this juncture, when you concurrently understand what women are like, how they will act, and never being surprised in how they will be or deliver, the hurt becomes less and less.  Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m far more experienced with women than the average man, and as a writer of a blog on this subject I pretty much have the theory nailed on, but I’ll still be the first to admit that I’m not immune from preventing women taking up my energy in the way they act.  I’m only human, and when all said and done, I’m a sensitive and quite fundamental emotional guy.  It is only astuteness and life experience which has negated these innate characteristics.

A final thought

It would be a prudent question to ask whether women take pleasure out of men getting hurt, stressed, depressed and bewildered over the games they play.  By and large, I don’t think the vast majority of women do.  I’m quite sure most women don’t go to bed at night and say to themselves: “You go girl, you hurt that rat bastard as far as you can.” 

The reason I’m convinced women do act this way is, as alluded heavily to earlier, they are obsessed with how the world sees and perceives them, in conjunction with how important and popular they are to their watching direct and indirect networks.  Therefore, a woman subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) knowing she is stressing a man out with her games is a happier woman because she sees this expenditure, endeavour, stress, exertion, pain and hurt on his part as a symbol of her popularity and importance.  It isn’t because she holds strong desires to hurt him, per se.

Q-tip 2:

Play women at their own game.  If she backs off, don’t chase her.  If she acts like a bitch, you act like a jerk.  Is she disappears, you go off the face of the earth too.  If she is seeing or in touch with other men, you do likewise with other women.  If she calls you out, stand up to her and give her more verbal (but controlled) aggression back in return.  If she doesn’t ask you about yourself, ask her nothing back until she does.  If her interest in the two of you is wavering, waver yourself from the environment as well.

And when she does act nice, pleasant, amiable, genuine, honest and consistent, reward her with the applicable measures in return.

Wednesday, 9 December 2020

Early days psychology, comprehension, and acceptance

 

“You only die once, but you live life every day.”

  

Any honest single and uncommitted man would confess that 2020 has been, to say the least, a tough year on his romantic, sexual and dating experience.  If you follow the lockdown measures, you can’t even invite a woman back to your place.  If you don’t follow the measures, you then have the task of finding a woman not wearing a mask or who doesn’t think you are a COVID alien trying to inflict the disease onto her.

I’m a great believer, in any walk of life, that if your days become tough then the first and most important protocol is to accept this is the case.  This is closely followed by then toughening up (even after a few days feeling sorry for yourself), taking life less seriously, valuing the time you have been given on this planet and the time you have left, and doing something to mitigate and eradicate the black clouds you currently walk under.  Nobody is going to do it for you.

Some men just can’t accept and admit they are going through a barren spell with women.  I guess it’s an ego thing that he worries what his friends will think of his existential celibacy.  I have a mate who is clearly single, and he recently sent a picture on our WhatsApp group of his new ‘girlfriend’.  I immediately, partly innocently but also partly smelling a rat, messaged that she looked incredibly like a woman I’d seen on a TV programme many years ago.  One of the other men in the group then backed this up by stating the picture of this woman was a dead ringer for an actress in a current soap opera.  The mate in question claimed it just looked like her, but you could put two and two together and pretty much get four and a fraction that he has used this actress as his mysterious girlfriend. 

Again, there is no shame in facing up to dry spells with women.  There will be a high percentage of committed and married men having very little more sex than that (hence, little more than nothing).

 The meeting

Last Sunday morning I caught a woman checking me out in the gym.  Without getting a close look at her face, from a distance she was pretty much my type.  Although two or three inches taller than my ideal female height, her long straight brown hair, pale complexion and slim/curvy figure was enough to motivate further analysis.  She also looked a bit familiar, and I’d place a few quid on her seeing me before and recognizing me straight away.  It turns out we both went to the same previous gym last year.

After I had finished my chest workout, I put down a mat to do some abs training a few metres away from her.  It didn’t help that she was wearing those oversized headphones, and every time she walked to pick up a new piece of equipment she started talking to a mouthpiece.  For the record, I straight away thought she was talking to nobody at the end of the phone.  The conversation just didn’t seem a natural flow, and it was too much of a coincidence that the other ‘person’ was on the phone when she wasn’t working out per se.

Q-tip 1:

Because women are constantly obsessed and worried about their self-importance and popularity, they will often make up conversations on their phone or pretend they are texting (or irrelevantly texting) someone.  This is also to ease their low confidence levels in having to make eye contact with a stranger walking past them.

It’s never easy approaching a woman with big headphones on.  I’ve done it on more than a few occasions, and sometimes they don’t even look at me in most likely claiming (or lying) that all they are zoned in to is the music.  However, as on this instance another woman went up to her in stating she wasn’t permitted to throw a medicine ball against the wall, she was forced to take the headphones off.  This allowed me to start with an easy opener in asking if the other woman had told her off.

Straight away I could sense she had desires to talk.  She was enjoyable to talk to, quite articulate, and seemingly from a similar social class level to me.  After about ten minutes I said I had to crack on, but I suggested grabbing a coffee when things reopened.  She took my number. 

I had previously asked her if she had a boyfriend.  It was only retrospectively that I thought her pause and then answer of “No” was a little hesitant and with ambiguity.  It was also only in hindsight that it fathomed on me that she never asked one question about myself.

Q-tip 2:

There are three main reasons a woman wouldn’t ask a man any questions.  First, she is so wrapped up in her own life that she doesn’t hold any inclination to talk about anything but herself.  Second, she just isn’t romantically or sexually interested in the man in the slightest, so she just uses the conversation to talk about her own life.  Third, she is so intimidated and placed in an inferiority complex beside him that she doesn’t want to know anything about him that may produce an answer to make her feel even more inferior.

Nevertheless, she did text me less than an hour after we spoke.  However, for three days her texts were very brief and intermittent.  She only asked me one question throughout (which was printed as “you?”).  Actually, she asked me one more question, but that was only to lead to answer about herself.  The best it ever reached was when she agreed to go on a brunch date.  In her short answers there were a lot of “Ahahaha”, yet most of the time I was barely being funny.  I’m the first to admit I’m not that funny a person.  Basically, it was all about her, but with little effort or enthusiasm in her texts. 

The general psychology and strategy of text game, without getting into the intricacy, is to keep your messages no longer than the woman’s messages at the other end.  You should also text no sooner in timeframe than when she replied to you.  Let me tell you, whilst I kept my game tight, it was near on impossible to text in any shorter form.

The possibilities

As I have documented on this blog before, a man’s tight game and effective psychological strategy with women does help, but it can’t prevent mitigating circumstances that live in the life of the one at the other end.  In other words, if a woman has something going on in her life that interferes the path between the two of you, or if she has some voice going on in her head that has negativity of some nature towards being with you, there is next to nothing that game can do.  Game helps, but it can only take you so far.

These are the possibilities I have come up with:

1)    She still has some involvement with another man.  This could be an ex-boyfriend or someone she is/was casually seeing.  Even if you, as the new pursuer, are of higher quality and a better overall catch, women who are already involved with a guy, providing she is into him, tend to stay on that path until they become totally bored or he has nothing left to offer.

2)    She is just totally not attracted to me – whether physically, emotionally or in compatibility terms – at all.  If this is the case, I must have totally read the signs wrong pre meeting.

3)    She is in fact very attracted to me, to the point where it goes beyond productivity.  I know a lot of men fail to grasp or accept this explanation (most likely because they have never experienced it themselves), but a woman can be 100% physically attracted to a man, and she can in addition enjoy his personality and know he is a good catch, but she still concurrently feels somewhat inadequate alongside him.  She may believe she doesn’t match up to the past girlfriends he had.

4)    On the back of 3), whilst she is into me, she is a woman who has an ego that enforces her to show less endeavour, interest, and romantic pursuit than the man she is in contact with.  These kinds of women are by no means rare, and are far more common than women who are forthcoming in this respect.

5)    Her friends have given advice to not pursue, stating she doesn’t know enough about me.  If her friends are with mediocre looking boyfriends, don’t rule this advice out based on their own agendas and jealous motivations.

6)    She just finds me good to look at, but when push comes to shove, deep down she knows I’m not the kind of guy she would date. 

7)    She just uses me as a bit of short-term attention and validation.  The more guys (and people generally) that message her, the more important she feels.  In essence, I was just something for her ego.

I could come up with other reasons, but the above will be the most likely.  If I was a betting man, and I’m not, I’d confidently say it is a combination of 1) and 3).  You could throw in a couple of teaspoons of 5) and 6) to the recipe too. If 1) was in fact not the case, and I think it is, then it would be a combination of 3) and 4).

From here on in…

I’ve particularly produced this post, not to talk about myself, but in knowledge that many men will have, and will continue to do so, experienced scenarios just like this.  When a man is attracted to a woman, it is generally her game to lose.  In other words, outside of catastrophic wrongdoings, he will venture on with her if he finds her bangable and personable.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work in the same way with regards to the gender inverse dynamic. 

With this in mind, the last text I received from her was a one liner about (of course) herself and that she was back into the gym routine.  This answer was based on my previous question to her.  My last text, and it most likely will be the last dialogue between us was:

“Me too! X”

Effectively, this has done a few things. 

·       It may make her ask a few questions about her own efforts in all this.  Highly unlikely though, such is the female mentality in being faultless and to never question their own integrity.

·       It was the shortest, hence most apathetic, message I could pretty much come up with.  Two can play at that game…

·       It intimates at me saying (sarcastically) – “Thanks for asking if I’m back at the gym too!”

In essence, this has boxed her into a corner and leaves me with a win-win situation.  I don’t think she will reply now, as it will mean her instigating conversation which is clearly not in her nature or inclination.  So if she doesn’t reply, I will know for good she is not interested (irrespective of the main reason), go my separate way, and not waste any more time on this.  If she does reply, it will be on better terms than just replying to a question.  At that stage, I will reconsider in a form of proverbially not cutting my nose to spike my face. 

Q-tip 3:

When you can sense a woman you are hunting down slipping out your grasp with her undeniable acts of lies, apathy, distancing and lack of effort, the only solution for a man is to back off.  Don't make any more contact.  Although this by no means works every time, it is amazing how many women then make contact once they realize he is no longer coming back.

Q-tip 4:

Be disappointed with women, but never be surprised.  When you stop being surprised, you ultimately become less pissed off and see them easier for who they are.