Thursday 29 January 2015

Women's opposing words and actions

“That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.”

A reader makes a point and question on the back of this previous post:

I fall in category 3 but have many cute and hot women interested in me even some who were taller than me. How do you explain this?

I guess the first question is your interpretation of "interested".  If this is in the form of stares, then it isn't too surprising.  A woman will still spot an impressive male face and body, assuming he isn't many inches shorter than her.

I'll go on the basis this interest is more than eye contact - hence relationships.  If so, I think I have explained why you will still attract cute and hot women who are shorter than you (although I would still expect at least 80% to reject you due to the female egoism issue). 

Age also plays a major part.  A good looking man with good physique who is interacting with high numbers of women aged 23 or younger will have less problems easing women's insecurities - hence make them willing to date him - than women in their mid to late 20s (or early 30s too).  At this tender age, women place more emphasis on male physical attractiveness and less priority on indifferent looking men who can provide for them and offer other non-visual offerings.

As for the critical part to your question - "some who were taller" - well, 3 possibilities:
  • If you are someone of high social status, then this will be the main reason.  Women, especially younger broads, place male social status above anything else.
  • Assuming you are not of high social profile, I would hedge a fair bet on these women being people you know personally, as you had the opportunity to promote your non visual (personality, charisma, etc..) blessings simultaneous to them taking oversight to you being shorter than their own comparison.  A woman will cut a good looking man slack who she wouldn't have done so if he was a man she only knows on an impersonal level.
  • They are very insecure women who still like to show off a bit of male totty.  As explained in the post, a man of 5ft 8" is not going to sexually attract close to as many women as his equivalent facial and body male peer of 6ft 1" height.  Women being women, are mass populated with high egoism, low trust and high insecurity traits.  Nevertheless, the opposing force to this is their need for social validation - in this case, your looks.  So it would make sense that this kind of woman satisfies both of her needs in being alongside an eye catching, even though shorter, man.

As if anyone reading blogs of this genre really needs to know, women are strange species.  They will allow a naïve man to be convinced that an exception existing inside their own living bubble is the normal course of events.  Men, astute men at least, look outside of their own spectrum and draw trends on what is unavoidable to see. 

So yes, in view of the reader’s question, exceptions to the norm do exist.  You just need to be careful when listening to women’s views on how they select their male preferences.

Only today, I heard a radio station news bulletin about how men take nearly double the amount of "selfies" than women.  There’s one big problem with this “evidence”.  That is, women lie tell fibs in order to protect their egos and social integrity.  Men, on the other hand, are far more honest and, if the truth be told, instinctive in answering without the thought of how the outside world will view their answers.

“When asked what prompted them to take the images made famous by the likes of Kim Kardashian, a quarter of men said they shared selfies to make an ex or a partner jealous, and one in 10 said it was to make themselves look more desirable.

Half the women said they took selfies to make others jealous, while only 7% took pictures to make themselves appear more desirable.”

So here you have the truth!  How can it be that women are far more conscious of looking, and needing to look, desirable than men, yet 3% more men take self-image photos than women.  I will say one thing though, and at least the female delegates were more honest about the jealousy reason. 

Q-tip 1:
When it comes to emotional topics or things that involve their moral value, women know not what they want, and they say not what they do.

Nevertheless, I will add one final point to the 25% of men who take selfies to get women jealous.  This will only be beneficial and productive if you are seen with women at least as physically attractive as your ex/the woman you are trying to attract.  As you know, women love competition and taken or pre-selected men, and the results of a photo with a desirable woman will only enhance your chances.

However, one important point aligns with the 10% of men (and I expect the truthful figure is higher) who said they took selfies to make them look more desirable.  This may catch a woman’s eye for a second or two, but it won’t make her like you any more than before.  Women aren’t tuned long onto a man’s physical appearance when she has nothing else to go on, and a very good looking man posing will only make her think he is a vain poser who is crap boyfriend or dating material.  In addition to this, if it is an ex, why would a glamorous picture make her want you back?  If she turned her back on the real thing, no photo in the world is going to persuade her to come running home.

Q-tip 2:
A man who starts off his intimate relationship with a woman by only believing what she says once she backs it up with actions, will be far more successful in dealing with the opposite sex than the man who is convinced what she says has to be the truth.

Acknowledgements and further reading

Saturday 24 January 2015

Women’s and men’s handling of assumption in the sexual market

“Assumption is the equivalent and manifestation of perception, laziness and unwillingness to get to know someone or something for what could sit beyond the primary thoughts.”

Some of my posts will appear, more to those who fail to think outside the box than astute thinkers, that I am sexist and antagonistic towards women.  Yet again, I’m not going to use much effort in attempt to convince people otherwise.  Readers can make up their own mind.  For those who are wondering, I’m certainly not a sexist or a misogynist.  What I do is state what I believe is the truth based on innumerable experiences and observations.  But I acknowledge I’m only one person.  If anyone can truthfully (and not in vain hope) argue against what I write then I’d always be here with open ears.  What I pride myself on is the truth.  Believe me, I’d love to be wrong on the vast majority of content, because this would mean the sexual market is a far happier place than my mind allows me to believe.  And when all is said and done, I thrive on people being genuinely happy in life.

If I was one of these cynical outsiders from the female deny team or male extreme nice guy squad, the main aim against me would be that I criticize women for rarely telling the truth in sexual preferences, scarcely living in reality, and having constant needs to comfort their egos above any other emotion.  They’d be right.  But this doesn’t make it wrong if ultimately what I write does make fundamental sense in view of a lack of satisfaction for women and men alike in the relationship world.  If everyone was so happy in their relationship, you would see far more positivity and glee on people’s faces than the more accustomed frustration and stress.  It isn’t the lack of morning to evening sunshine days we have in the UK or the underwhelming day to day occupations that make British people look like they have the world’s problems on their shoulders.  When someone is truly happy with their partner, they rise above any matter like this and place it in true perspective.  Love conquers all, right.  But how many actually get there?

Nevertheless, one of the main areas of distinction between women and men in the sexual market is the way they handle assumption.  In essence, I think men deal with it in a more optimistic (but not necessarily clever) manner and women use it to convince themselves that they are making the right decision.  But this is a general view, and there are crossovers.  Some men use their assumed thought process wisely, but I tend to see this more in everyday instances as opposed to emotive scenarios with women.  Many men, who deliver rigorous, well-thought out and strategic actions in the workplace, will then strangely be passive, careless and lacking in contingency when placed in situations with a vagina as the reward.  Why is this?  The probable main reason is due to the lack of options someone has at their disposal.  When options are plentiful – perhaps like career moves within or outside of a business – some men can flex their muscles to attain what they want.  That same man, in the environment with women, has limitations of confidence to far he can aspire.  With all this in mind, a desperate and supplicated man is the inevitable outcome when a woman clicks her fingers.      

Where women fall flat on their face in relation to assumption is, yet again, to protect their fragile egos and needs to feel worthy to the world.  I’ll use a first-hand recent example:

I recently saw a young woman who had stood me up 18 months previous.  I knew her from the gym.  The story is a familiar one.  She had given me indicators of interest, I in turn asked her out, she accepted, but she never allowed escalation beyond this point.  She was what I would class as a very cute girl – bordering on hotness but not quite there.  I’d say she was 23 and I’d give her 7.75/10 physical attractiveness rating.  However, she made my balls harder than some objectively hotter women.  She did have decent personality and seemed easy to get on with.  After she had stood me up, I later found out about a lunkhead jerk she had being seeing.  He was a 6.75/10 physical grade, but with a reasonable level of local social status in relativity to the city we live in.

There we have the background: a woman half a grade below (at her best) me in physical attractiveness but who had clearly been involved with a guy who was a full grade below her.  This isn’t an unfamiliar circumstance.  I would tend to think, on substantiation rather than arrogance, that I would surpass him on almost every other metric available.

So 18 months on from that rejection, and I approached her again.  Between then and now, I hadn’t seen her in approximately 15 months, but she pretty much looked the same.  I made light humour out of the fact she had stood me up, and she took it well by responding that she was nervous when we spoke.  I told her that because I am such a great guy I’d be willing to give her a second chance.  She accepted. 

With more knowledge of her past and character, my game was tighter this time in knowing she couldn’t be someone you could be too nice with.  It’s always a lesson for good looking men to learn that if they are interacting with women below or on par in beauty terms, more reassurance is required towards them in contrast to the ugly or average looking male counterpart who would have to raise his value and act more challenging.  But equally as important is the comprehension of women who have dated more than one jerk in their time.  This isn’t misfortune, this is an emotional draw to men they need to chase.  With this consideration, a balance was definitely required.

But it soon became clear that any time I tried to escalate – in proposing a time and place to meet – her interest repelled.  I soon gave up the ghost, as my time is worth more than the fragmenting prospect of a good lay.  I then looked at the dates more carefully and her responses to my escalation.  She seemed like she could never get out at night or during the weekends.  My assumption one night as my head hot the pillow was that within those 15 months, she had got pregnant, left the gym, birthed the child and re-joined some 7 months later.  I could be well off the mark here, and it could simply be down to the fact she either didn’t like me in a physical way (which then goes back to why the glances and smiles 18 months ago?) or she couldn’t cope in being with a more eye-catching guy.

In any case, the moral behind all this is, despite all assumptions I have, I would have still given it a go until news came my way to confirm any of the mentioned possibilities.  I’ll always give someone a chance to show their worth and prove me wrong prior to the message within that comes from an assumption or perception.  I think I speak for most men on this count.  On the other hand, women, like the woman in this anecdote, will use an assumption of a man as a defence mechanism to protect the ego and emotions.

Why is the difference so strong in this respect?  If a fat, ugly man just so happened to strike lucky with one of the hottest women in town, his probable assumption would be that she is using him to get something out of it for herself.  Maybe she’s in it for a bet, or she has found out about some future inheritance he has.  But this man will still go for it in hope of an unlikely happy ending.  His pride, ego and future broken heart are put to one side for the possible magic that will be experienced.  But if you flip the spectrum, and place a woman in a similar predicament, she analyzes it in the total extreme opposite way.  A woman will assume a man who is more visually impressive than her is a player or untrustworthy, and she will look after her ego prior to any thoughts of true happiness on a visceral sense.

So to go back to my observations of people looking like they have been slapped in the face with a soaking wet kipper, assumptions play a major part in the route to unhappiness in relationships.  Women, in making decisions that protect their egos but don’t fulfill their happiness, look miserable because they have made safe bets lacking in inspiration.  Men, who were the beneficiaries of these easy odds, end up equally unhappy because she has either left him or reminds him each day that she is dissatisfied with the life he has given her.  

Sunday 18 January 2015

The variables of female pre-selection

“It’s better to fail aiming high than to succeed aiming low.”

That quote came from the mouth of a friend of mine back in the days when he practically stalked the same girl for two years during further education.  He would have been boxing way above his weight had he secured her, and I dare say he wouldn’t have had a clue in how to deal with her had he struck lucky.  But he still pursued anyway, despite the invisibility he portrayed when she was no more than a yard away from him.  Only when he did finally get his hands on some plain girl did his college love know he was alive.  Who can blame a horny and naïve 16 year old boy?  

Readers of my blog will know that I’m a strong believer and advocator in the powers of pre-selection for men when vying to attract a target woman.  This isn’t just a passing thought or attempts to piss women off.  I have better things to do than that.  I base my concepts on what I believe is the truth, and nothing can surpass, in my opinion, the powers of what you see when women and men are interacting or in close proximity.  In terms of pre-selection and how female emotions are altered, even scientific studies prove evidence to this being the case.

However, this post will point out variables to how far pre-selection can be beneficial, or in fact be disadvantageous.  I don’t see this as a contradiction to my stance, because the logic of male pre-selection stands up.  That is, pre-selection is a huge draw for men when they are not striking women’s attention on the visuals alone.  As the lion’s share (>95%) of men will fall into the compartment based on average looks – a physical attractiveness level that won’t turn many women’s heads on immediate passing - my general view applies to the general male population.

For a moment I’ll focus on this bulk demographic.  Men of average looks will not strike the instinctive eyes of women, just like average looking women will not pick up much spotlight from male periphery.  Exceptions will occur.  For example, men with unbelievable high sex drives will look at any women with reproductive facility, and some women with the likewise urges may act in similar fashion with uglier men.  But these scenarios do not represent the norms.  Men and women, with isolated cross-over preferences, will always know what is hot and what is not. 

Naturally, men who do acquire little or no attention from women based on their looks will need to bridge the gap in other ways.  This will usually come in the strongest form by the way of social status on nights out and social environments, or occupational status to illustrate power and confidence in workplace situations.  Below this tier sit men who can display advanced levels of personality, charisma or wealth.  The tier below this will be a man convincing a woman that he is dependable, reliable and a good provider.  It’s no coincidence that men who are blessed with status and extreme monetary resources are usually seen with the most physically attractive women, and those who rely on more organic desirables are walking alongside women with less beauty.

But if men are just run of the mill in most metrics – as the majority of men are – how else can a man be deemed as more attractive and appealing to a woman who is indifferent with his existence at best?  This is where pre-selection takes over.  Women are competitive creatures, and they love a challenge.  It never gets past my inner smiles for the number of times I’ve seen the perennial man who showers a woman with compliments, efforts and supplication.  She isn’t interested in him, but she does like the attention.  However, when he throws in the words of “a girlfriend”, suddenly the woman who barely knew he existed incorporates behavioural change.  Gone is the disinterest, and come is the intrigue.  Of course, this isn’t an emotional mood in his favour that lasts long, but if he was clued up he could use it to his advantage.  But the poor guy will always be that infatuated with the hotter girl that he would leave his girlfriend at the drop of a hat.  Once the woman captures him away from his commitment, the game has been won.  He no longer is worth anything to her.

The same applies in bars and clubs.  A woman can be dancing near an average looking man who she hasn’t even noticed, yet all it will take is for another woman to strike up conversation with him and her eyes will lean over.  The intrigue alone captivates her visual projection.  If the woman who he interacts with is as hot as her, or even slightly hotter, this will all the more hit her sexual buttons.  Because a woman who knows she is hotter than the indicated man will rarely be intimidated in being with this man by seeing him with another female of aesthetic parity to her.  Her reassurance of being hotter than him is enough to comfort any insecurities that may exist.

Where pre-selection for a man becomes a little more complex is when he is of good looking luxury.  If he possesses a good body and height to match then this only further compounds this consideration.  Remember that a man blessed with the tri-combination of facial features, body profile and height will be more physically attractive than 99% of women looking at their best in relative terms.  You can pretty much say without too much doubt that a man who falls into this category will look better than 100% of women when the view is one of waking up first thing in the morning.  Nearly all women do not take kindly to both these predicaments.  A minority of women (15%), whilst living in discomfort of this circumstance, will not let it stand in the way if he can offer her other desirable factors.

Unlike his lesser looking male counterparts, a good looking man will have already captured the glances of nearly all women in that particular environment.  Unless it just so happened to be a film premiere with a conveyor belt of celebrities, the typical social gathering will not fire out inundated eye catching men for it to become second nature.  With this in mind, men who stand out bring about a different emotion for women.  They automatically perceive this man to have many options in the sexual field, therefore interaction with women in great numbers will conceivably act as a drawback.  Even most cute women and many hot women will always think he is accustomed to having what he wants with almost any woman.  What women don’t see, or comprehend, is that the majority of these women are thinking the same way – that every other woman finds him attractive so she leaves alone to protect herself from probable hurt. 

Nevertheless, as women are fundamentally turned on by men who other women find attractive, it would be foolish to think it is prudent to over-compensate in easing women’s weaknesses.  By not talking to any female pursuit – that can be an arrogant consequence of being a good looking man – it allows a lesser looking man to take advantage of this.  There is a far more likely chance of a woman finding an average looking man who interacts with women more appealing than a good looking man who only talks to other men.  A balance is required.

I have had nights out as a single guy when I’ve worn an engagement band.  The reason behind this is to somewhat eradicate the general female consensus and perception of me being a sexual player.  Enough women have said this to make it more than my own thought.  Pre-selection is beneficial, but there are parameters to not jump beyond.  My friend criticizes me for this choice of jewelry, as he thinks it will only put women off in seeing me as unattainable.  He has a point.  Women may instinctively be attracted to a guy who shows proof of another woman loving him, but they can easily assume, if he is good looking, that his loved one is way hotter than the rest of them.  “Why would he choose me over her”, she asks. 

So the conclusion, for men, is a little cloudy.  For most men – average looking or above average looking - pre-selection will almost always have benefits over adversaries.  Ugly men would benefit even more from proof of female love.  Rarely will female attention act as anything but advantageous.  But for good looking men, they need to tread a little more carefully. 

With women, the path takes on the opposite effect if they are looking to appeal to the masses of men.  I know this goes against the natural female inclination for the need of male attention, but the truth is the truth.  I think I speak for almost all men when I say that we prefer women who are not talking to every other man that walks past.  Men aren’t turned on by pre-selected women in the same way women are tuned towards pre-selected men.  They don’t hold down that emotional competitive edge in the same way as women do, and they don’t need validation that she is worth having.  The visuals are all he needs on first impressions.  A man is more likely to approach a woman he hasn’t seen talking to other men, and equally more prone to take oversight to a woman he finds attractive but wonders where she has been. 

The same process applies with long term relationship consideration.  Men, by enlarge, prefer women who have only had a handful of previous sexual partners.  Women, true to their illogical nature, will often find men with reputations of many past lovers more attractive than those loyal and less experienced. 

This is where women, who make a big deal about how unfair it is that men get away with an abundance of sexual partners yet the female equivalents do not, dig their own grave.  If women didn’t go running to these men, even with knowledge of their sexual expeditions, fewer men would act in this way.  In this respect, the female argument doesn’t stack up.  Surely if they hate men of this kind so much then they’d just find a good loyal man – as most men are.  But strangely, even women who show distastes to this subject bizarrely find their path to men of this kind.  As always, the ball’s in the ladies court, but don’t come running to me for sympathy if you are one of the “unlucky” ones who bizarrely and continuously falls in the arms of a bad boy over the hoards of nice guys.  

Saturday 10 January 2015

Just how far can a man upgrade?

"If you can’t make a mark on your life, make a mark on your body.”

There is a lot of contention in the open world to how far a man can upgrade in physical attractiveness terms.  In truth, there is no hard and fast rule.  Variables in the form of female or male confidence levels, insecurity fluctuations and outside of physical need requirements are only a few to mention in determining how far a man can strive.  It can work the other way too, but as the vast majority of men place maximum emphasis on female beauty, and a very high percentage of women actually repel from decisions to date a man as physically attractive as they could attain, the consideration of female upgrading is of little relevance.  What cannot be denied is the noticeable high numbers of women with less eye catching men.  The inverse, prior to female age of 35, is much rarer.

As a broader view, it is important to clarify the three main reasons to the hotter woman meets lesser looking man scenario.

  • First, the aid of facial cosmetic enhancement and clothing to show more skin act as a trigger to make an average looking woman more pleasing to the eye than an average man when they are both seen in public.  This process also filters through to arrive at similar results either side of the average scale.  An ugly woman will (could) look a grade up from an ugly man, and a hot woman will usually look better than a good looking man after she has slapped herself up.  When a hotter woman wakes up next to an average looking man in the morning, the looks grade of the two of them will be much closer than when they walked into the restaurant together some 12 hours earlier.  That same woman waking in the morning, if with a good looking man, will feel a little uncomfortable to the visual imbalance.
  • Second, women place less priority on male looks than men place on female aesthetic value.  With this in mind, many women will be content to trade in the best looking man they could secure within their own feasible looks scale in replacement of qualities in his personality, charisma, resources, status, potential, reliability, etc.
  • Third, women’s natural tendency to have characteristics that reflect low trust, low confidence, high insecurity and high egoism will lead a high percentage of them to stay away from a man who is as, or more, pleasing to the eye in physical impressiveness relativity.

So I stand by the unproven logic, based on knowledge of hundreds of couples, that if a man is average on nearly every desirability metric, he should still be able to grade up by 10% on the broader scale.  The disparities are dictated by the man’s looks level.  I’ve even done the sums (round to the 0.25) for you less mathematical blessed people:

Ugly man (take at 4/10)
If average in all metrics outside of looks                                +20% (5/10 woman)
If above average in all metrics outside of looks                     +50% (6/10 woman)
If excessively high in all metrics outside of looks                   +100% (8/10 woman)

Naturally, in the latter case it is based on potential and specific measurements (mainly status and money).  But it is possible for an ugly man to score a hot babe on isolated situations if he has enormous wealth and social status.

Average looking man (take as 6/10)

If average in all metrics outside of looks                                +10% (6.75/10 woman)
If above average in all metrics outside of looks                     +25% (7.5/10 woman)
If excessively high in all metrics outside of looks                   +40% (8.5/10 woman)

Run of the mill looking men underestimate their ability to grade up, because most men in this category think women want better looking men.  They fail to realize women do not think the same way as men in this respect.  Offer them something they value and they will be rushing to you way quicker than your lesser looking rival with mediocre traits.

Above average looking man (take as 7/10)

If average in all metrics outside of looks                                +10% (7.75/10 woman)
If above average in all metrics outside of looks                     +15% (8/10 woman)
If excessively high in all metrics outside of looks                   +30% (9/10 woman)

Again, it’s important to point out this is based on potential, but a man in this category can score the hottest of women if he has the right factors to suit.  A man as shown on the last line is a woman’s dream ticket – high in every metric possible but still clearly less noticeable to observers, in a physical sense, than her.

High physically attractive man (say 8.5/10)

If average in all metrics outside of looks                                -10% to -5% (7.75/10 to 8/10)
If above average in all metrics outside of looks                     +/-0% to +5% (8.5/10 to 9/10)
If excessively high in all metrics outside of looks                   +10% (9.25/10 woman)

The first line showing negatives probably stands out, and I’ll explain.  Many good looking men who don’t have much else to bargain will find a shortage of hot women knocking on their door.  This is most applicable to those women who are post 23, as prior to this age he would have far more success.  A woman above 23 will only usually date a man on her physical level if he can bring things to the table that benefit her.  This will mean a man of 8.5/10 will often be seen with a cute woman with more confidence than her hotter female counterpart.  Once he starts to add other bows to his arrow, the upgrading is his for the taking.  A high profile very good looking man could just about go and point to the hottest woman in the town and she will offer no resistance.

In all of the above cases, opportune moments to strike up should be more frequent than men allow their brains to take on board.  In terms of most UK cities and towns, you will hardly ever see any woman above an 8.75/10 grade.  If rigorous and objective with your judgment, this viewing will be less than half a dozen times in a calendar year.  This is why it is difficult for many regular high physically attractive guys to track down a woman of similar physical level, because the rare exceptional case of female in this local vicinity will feel the need to be with someone at least half a grade below them.   Any woman who surpasses this score (8.75/10) will be found in glamour magazines or similar public exploitation sources.  There are a few women in the world who exceed 9.25/10 in physical attractiveness, but these women are like rocking horse shit and likely to be found with film stars, sugar daddies or professional sportsmen of international profile.  This isn’t worth contemplation for us everyday folk.

Before women, and men, shout down the screen any louder in disgust that I promote men should forever be looking to leverage up, this isn’t my point.  I’m actually from the school of loyalty and faithfulness when a man is in a committed relationship with a woman.  However, I do believe when single he should strive, and be happier for it, in acquiring the most physically appealing woman he can find.  But my point is this:
A man’s knowledge that he can upgrade allows a more confident and less supplicated mentality when with his female partner.  The comprehension of having more options than plausibility once permitted him to believe will act as a catalyst to be more relaxed and firm when times are necessary.  Women feed positively off this attitude.  They don’t want a man who throws his toys out of the pram at the first sign of her flirting with another man, but they equally require, even if they will deny this, a man who puts her in place once she acts out of accordance.  So few men do this because they are jealous by nature, but fearful no other woman will find them attractive.  Once again, neither party ends up satisfied with the outcome.

The unfortunate reality is that a man acts more appropriately around his woman or women in general - appropriately in attracting women and maintaining their happiness, attraction and challenge – when he holds an inner belief and knowledge that he has options in the sexual marketplace.  This attitude is a clear distinction from actually carrying out infidelity.  Ladies, I’ll put this question to you:  What is better, a man who has ten options but who never cheats, or a man who has one option and jumps to the chance of fresher meat at the drop of a hat? 

So by a man living in reassurance that if his current relationship doesn’t work out it is no big deal and other fish will come biting, he performs the moves that women actually desire.  That is, someone who isn’t needy, desperate, lacking options, unchallenging, and displaying the portrait of a man who can do no better.  A woman is loathed to admit this being the case, and will claim all she truly craves for is a man to put her first all the time and have no other interest in female competitors, because this is what her ego needs to believe in order to feel worthy and important to the world.  But this feeling can only last for a short while with one man before she sees the negatives that clearly show he couldn’t find another woman as good as her even if his life depended on it.  Oh, the dilemmas of being a woman.  Short term ego needs versus long term visceral deeds.  The question is: which one takes priority?   

Tuesday 6 January 2015

Picking your more complimentary moments

“There is a time and a place for everything.  Sometimes that logical time and place is so illogical that what you thought was right, proves to be wrong.”

I know this blog will make many references towards men dampening women’s egos to gain longer term sexual, respect and relationship rewards.  I’m certainly not going to move away from this viewpoint in a general perspective.  The general perspective being in the sexual field: a less physically attractive man attempting to attract, appeal and lock down (if he’s in for the long haul) a woman who is above him in relative visual terms.  Women don’t take kindly to this consensus because it goes against their egos inside that tell them they need a man to be kind and complimentary all the time.  Many women leave men who act like this.  The vast majority of men cannot comprehend this deliverable because they have too little experience to relate to this trend, they have only dated “safe” women, or they abide by the mainstream literature and what women tell them that is far more exposed to their eyes and ears.  When it all goes pear-shaped on the day she says “you’re such a great guy but it’s just not working”, a man’s default is to fail to realize or admit it had anything to do with his passive and agreeable ways. 

There are of course times to move to the left side of nice guy/jerk scale.  If you’re a very good looking, high status or popular man, most women will see you as unattainable due to abundant female followers.  This is when a “nice” moment may be required to ease her discomfort.  If you’re in a relationship and picking up genuine vibes of losing her due to your apathy, a romantic gesture would come in useful.  If you’re a man who happens to be with a cute woman who perhaps sees you as noticeably more eye catching than her, a few reassuring comments in light of her beauty will do more good than harm.  And in the case of a married man, read on to know just how not to handle this ego dampening meets compliments tug of war.

My current next door neighbours moved in a couple of years ago.  I met the man of the family on the day they transported all belongings over.  He was the typical nice, genuine guy - as most men are.  Tall and skinny, he had an average spotty face with a bit of a tongue out gormy expression.  All the same, he was as friendly as they come, with an honest and moderately paid job to provide for them. 

I didn’t meet his wife until a good few months later.  Although no stunner, you could tell she had beauty potential there if she slapped herself up.  A cute woman she is, leaving a good 20% difference (6/10 v 7.25/10) sitting between the two of them in the looks stakes.  This disparity is in excess of the typical 10% to 15% you would see for men who are average looking and average status.  Based on my conversations with him, I’m pretty sure he isn’t blinding her with personality or charisma.

They have two young girls of 3 and 6.  I have to say that l like the way he handles them.  When I’m hanging around the garden and they are playing as kids do, if they step out of line they get a good telling off from him.  I like this trait, because it could be all too easy for a man in a house of three females to maybe let them get away with it for the sake of a quiet life.  The man and the woman are now 28 and 27 respectively.

I have seen the wife looking at me with eyes I’ve seen more than a few times before.  Being a better looking and more edgy kind of guy who would be perceived to live the bachelor lifestyle, this naturally plays into the irritable mindset women have.  They want the men who are most in demand, but unfortunately these are the men who are less motivated to settle down.  But they choose the men, who happen to be less desired, because they are willing to commit and provide.  I see that look in the whites of many a female’s pupils.  If only they could put that hunkier and better looking man in the bedroom but nowhere else.  The husband supplies everything else she could hope for.  It’s also a shame when she knows she can look better than the mirror shows nearly every day, but a lack of resources and time in belonging to the perennial hard working family hardly ever allows this exploitation.

So now I’ve paid for the goods, I’ll show you the receipt to how he failed all guns blazing during one sunny afternoon.  I could hear her whittling on about something, but I don’t think she was doing anything more annoying than being a woman who has to keep the kids from boredom.  The words I did here transparently were from his mouth:
“God, I can see loads of grey on your head.  It’s looking like mine, full of grey too.”

Let me bullet-point the reasons behind the wrongful move he made by this one short statement:
  • A 27 year old mother of two will already have everyday fears of her diminishing beauty.  She doesn’t need third party confirmation of this.
  • A 27 year old regular mother is not going to be in frequent social positions where numerous men are inflating her ego with excessive comments in reference to her looking hot.  Contrast this with a 21 year old woman - at her physical peak and done up to her best – going out with her friends every weekend or being surrounded by clueless nice guys at work who are infatuated by her looks. 
  • A woman in this position will be resentful towards her husband who she believes has made her life a struggle.  This isn’t his fault of course, and it’s more than a fair chance that she held desires to start a family before him.  But women rarely see it in such empathetic ways, and for every celebrity magazine she opens, with pictures of how the rich and famous can have children and still live the life of leisure and glamour, she resents him that little bit more.
  • A woman’s view of her own beauty is the most conscious thing on her mind.  Although the priority of children comes very close, if not on a par, rest assured that the mirror reflection she sees is worth a lot more than any concern she has for her male partner.  Unlike men who generally don’t rely on or care for their looks as much – as a man’s appeal to the opposite sex is only fractionally dictated by his physical attractiveness (to the point where looking too good has many disadvantages) – women’s fortunes in the sexual market are primarily, and sometimes solely, based on how attractive they look.
  • Women who live the wife and mother lifestyle as they approach their late 20s will not usually have an opinion of themselves that overrides the objectivity.  Exceptions will exist, especially for those with wealthy husbands who provide them with expensive cars, property and clothes, but by enlarge it is fair to say her self-promotion will be a shadow of the same girl in her younger years.  With this in mind, the requirement of criticism and ego fragmentation will rarely be fruitful to a man.
  • Even if a woman is comprehensive to her fragmenting sexual appeal, it doesn’t make the situation any better if her male partner subsequently criticizes his own physical appearance.  A woman still loves the mentality, whether it is based on fact or fiction, that the man she is with is desired by other female pursuits.  By a man finding blatant shortcomings in his own value, physical or otherwise, this only further reinforces the lack of respect she has for him and the detested predicament she believes she sits in.

The problem with my good friend next door is that all this puts doubts in his wife’s mind.  Not only has she doubts with herself, but she also has further reason to question why she boxed below her weight all those years ago when she chose him as her provider.  Irrational to their nature, you roll the dice to how a woman can react in instances of this kind.  The idealistic part tells you she will make herself more stunning and give you a new lease of appreciation.  But more likely is a gut reaction of knocking on the door of someone like me – someone she knows isn’t perceived as good long term suitability but who will make her feel special for an hour of her life – and put two fingers up to her husband as the noise travels through the walls.  Not every guy has the morals, integrity and common sense care like I do, no matter what some readers may think, and most men will think with their penis first and the consequences later.

The critical distinction when considering when to dampen a woman’s ego is with the woman involved, so to speak.  Although the woman in this anecdote is hotter than the man, the situation causes a reduction in ego bursting need unless the time proves to suit.  Many men in this situation – where they are boxing above their weight – have a natural jealous and insecure character build-up that naturally forces them to subtly attempt to alienate their girlfriend from men that she would find more sexually arousing.  I’ve seen it many times.  This is often why you may see a hot or very cute woman pile on the pounds in a short space of time.  But unless the man is significantly better looking than the woman in the dynamic – which you will see on only isolated occasions in a lifetime for couples below the age of 40 – a reduction of male physical attractiveness is no help to anyone.

Further to all this, there is a clear message:
There are 3 types of ways a man can approach female beauty projection: 
  • The first way is to compliment excessively, and this is typical of most men. 
  • The second way is to verbally and directly criticize, as shown by my neighbour. 
  • The third way is to dampen a woman’s ego with smart cryptic comments once she has self-promoted her existence. 
  • The fourth way is to act totally indifferent, irrespective to whether she is fishing for a compliment or seeking reassurance. 

I think you may have an idea to my favourite process, but more importantly this will prove to be the most effective.  There are 2 prudent ways to exercise the motion of indifference.  One delivery is the art of lifting the lips and eyebrows concurrently with a short, sharp shake of the head.  Another way is to tilt your head to one side with a closed smile simultaneous to a scratch of the hair.  This should be followed by the phrase of “Mmmm” in a questionable tone. 

There’s nothing quite like keeping a woman unsure to your true feelings.  Her immediate ego may feed her positive thoughts, but I can assure you that only a few seconds later she will doubt you are convinced of her princess status.  If women can use plausible deniability all the time, I’m sure the gentlemen of the world can be forgiven for placing the boot on the other foot once in a while.   

Friday 2 January 2015

It's not just my opinion

"If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, heaven pity the British man."

Just in case you ever wondered if it was only me flying the flag of critique towards British female ugliness benchmark, the below two links will back it all up.  Even more concerning is the fact that the author in the first link is a woman, although from the picture she does look pretty cute.  I doubt the typical looking British woman, or man for that matter, will be this honest.  

In view of the second link, let me tell you that 12 years have done nothing to raise the level up at all...

Acknowledgements and further reading

Fifty Shades impacting women of 2015

“Money talks, nonsense walks.”

I stand by what was written in this post some months ago.  Modern day women in my lifetime have usually been seen alongside uglier and passive stricken men by clear majority, and the recession only further compounded this trend.  However, something struck my attention recently regarding a possible change of tastes that many women may undertake in 2015.

Fifty Shades of Grey movie

Until yesterday, I wasn’t aware that the Fifty Shades of Grey film is being released in February of this year.  Its official release date on Valentine’s Day, whether by more coincidence than good planning, could be an outcome of pure genius.  I haven’t read a single page of the book, and as ignorant or arrogant as this may sound, a two minute showing of the film trailer, a glance at the Wikipedia description, and past recollections of women’s over-excited words during the 2012 hard copy availability is enough for me.  I can fill in the blanks on my own.

And the snap-shop blanks are basically for an innocent “butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth” woman to fall for a handsome, successful, dominating, mysterious and wealthy man.  In turn, she has to abide by his leadership, terms, experimentations and somewhat unorthodox tastes in life, and most applicably, sexual endeavours.  Ultimately, he is everything that is the opposite of men who women fall for settle down with. 

Casting selection for the two main roles (Dakota Johnson plays Anastasia ‘Ana’ Steele and Jamie Dornan is Christian Grey) was unforgiving in enabling this particular film to carry out the script with credible critique, and some may even argue that on face value alone they have got it slightly wrong.  However, remember that films of this genre and romantic novels are primarily and predominantly scripted for a female dominated audience – their mass paying customers.  As films and novels, in the main, represent fallacy over reality, this process aligns with the female mind and actions in life.  There is a media necessity and perhaps obligation in catering for the female brain to believe what occurs in the movie, no matter how small the probability, could in actuality happen to her.

So a low end cute woman (which is still at least a full grade above the female benchmark) as the main act securing a man above her league, in numerous metrics, gives off hope and inspiration to all those millions of aspiring and fairytale sets of eyes out there.

In real life, a good looking man (Dornan is 8.5/10 in overall physical attractiveness) of 6ft height, toned physique and billionaire profile is not going to pursue, no matter how great the mental connection, a 7/10 looks rated woman like Johnson plays in her role as Ana (accepted, when Johnson is done up for the red carpet she can leverage up to 7.5/10).  If a man was this blessed he could have the hottest woman out there, and even one, or many, with something between the ears too.  A pump and dump with a cute girl, maybe, but not a sustained obsession. 

Side note to above:
In the “real world”, you will see more non-wealthy/low status 8/10 to 8.5/10 men in overall physical attractiveness alongside girlfriends who are cute (7/10 to 7.75/10) women than hot (8/10+) women.  This is partly down to the fact that cute women outweigh hot women by at least 10:1 in number, but mainly due to hot babes either not liking male aesthetic impressiveness as competition or not attaining the inner confidence to trust them.  With this in mind, and based on the trailer clips, Dornan’s slightly toned down and more attainable transfer to Christian Grey allows a naive viewer’s grasp on loose possibility, if not reality.  I can understand, on a looks isolation basis, why the casting director may have overlooked Sean O’Pry as the lead role.  O’Pry’s 9/10 looks would have made the love couple’s visual comparisons too implausible.  The other way round – hence a hot woman of 9/10 and a very wealthy above average looking man of 7/10 – and feasibility to true life observations is met.  

The impact on women

Come this mid-February premiere and beyond, I expect a considerable higher percentage of women, even those who possess male partners, to go to the cinemas with female company only.  You have to bear in mind that women will have read the book, and although they may have made passing comments to men (including their boyfriends or husbands) that they were a little turned on by the literature, they are fully aware that their boyfriends in most cases are simply too nice to even be anything like the way Grey is portrayed.  They will also be aware that their better halves, by clear majority, will not feel comfortable watching it with her.  Men love sex in practice, but they aren’t too keen to talk or learn about diversifications, experimentations, methods or satisfactions that sex can offer their female lovers. 

These men, nice guys by huge proportion, are also blue pill believers.  They cannot quite bring themselves to acknowledge women need a level of domination, care-free and apathetic considerations to her emotional, sexual and psychological needs.  The common and conventional man has to believe predictability, passiveness, provision, consideration and care rule her heart, because at the end of the day, these are his go-to strengths.

So far, women have only been exposed to the written version of Fifty Shades of Grey, and although many of them have come out by saying they like the way a man can act in this manner, I think it is important to note that a book offers nothing more than a fantasy.  Feminists, and women who speak up for timid female mice and followers (both usually unattractive, so pretty much the same person), will argue that this is only a daydream fantasy, and in fact 95% of the time women do not desire a man such as Christian Grey. 

Believe this at your peril.  True, women do need a level of financial security and responsibility in a man who they view as husband and father material, but there is always more than meets the eye to a human fantasy.  Women do want a man like Grey, but just not to that extreme day in day out.  But they sure want that kind of man more than a mundane and unchallenging male support dummy.  It’s a similar dynamic to how a man would want the most glamorous model or porn star he sees on his laptop.  He just wouldn’t go their long term if she had nothing else to offer in terms of mental capacity or empathetic inclination. 

But the film will make women’s minds play over like a totally different ball game.  They will see for themselves what they truly desire, in moderation.  It is conceivable they will know what they visualize for a couple of hours is a world apart from what they can expect when they get home.  I would expect that, in the midst of watching the film, many of them will replay the life they have lived through their safe choice made when they met their “loved one”.  They may have a huge diamond ring and couple of kids to show off, but is this enough to feel alive?  When they wake up in the morning, will they try and re-live what they saw last night on the big screen?  Is it all too late, or is there still enough life and time in her to take a road that offers less security but more passion?

And the reason most women will deny they want a man like Christian Grey is because it de-values their importance to the world.  As we live in a western society where 9 out of 10 men worship the ground women walk on and dare not even say a wrong word about them, women’s egos have become too accustomed to this kind of beta male nice guy.  They don’t sexually get off on these men, but when surrounded by them, it is an easy automated system to adopt in thinking anyone who doesn’t polish their pedestals is an outcast.  Even a most desirable, unique and good looking man can get rejected by a woman who thinks he won’t value her existence.  Although she may crave for his bodily fluids to meet her own, a woman with an ego bigger than her heart and sexual needs will always take the option of a safe, mundane, but idolizing, man.

How will it end?

So Fifty Shades of Grey could be both the major talking and turning point in a woman’s life come the first quarter of 2015.  I predict it will be, and I’m starting to see signs of it myself in bars and shopping malls in respect to female behaviour with just one guy like me.  A few more are now touching as much as looking.  Because possibly for the first time, but most certainly to the greatest extent, women will be asking themselves the question to what they are really on this planet for.  It will be thrown in their faces like never before.  Some will avoid the film altogether on this basis, comprehensible in knowing they cannot deal with the truth.

After that, much depends on a woman’s ego to happiness life balance requirements.  Could this be the year that women are finally swayed from safety to hunger?  Will it be a transitional period of gradual uncontrollable desires that place less priority on tomorrow and more on today?  Will we start to see more eye catching women with men of parity in this respect?  Or will it all simply be a few weeks of lust, sweat and glory, before normal service is resumed?    

Acknowledgements and further reading