Tuesday 20 July 2021

Male physical attractiveness brings about fewer options for relationships with women


“Heads I win, tails I only lose a little.”


Zachariah gives his life cycle of events with regards to his physical aesthetics on the back of this previous post, and asks for my input on how it can be manifested into some kind of reasoning:

Hi Vinay,

I love your writing. It's helped me more than you could know. 

I’ll ask this here because this article is the most relevant to my question. I know I shouldn’t seek validation from these interactions, but for a time I needed it to rebuild my self-esteem. Analysis does not have to preclude action. 

Anyway, does female attention decrease proportionally past a certain point of attractiveness? Phrased in another way, does female fake body language predominate over direct interest at some point?

 My experience has been this...

- I lost about 40 lbs to get to the average American BMI. Kinda
chubby, but not terrible. This is where I had the most direct
interest from women. Open flirting and whatnot because I
think from a numbers standpoint there are more women in that
range, of course.

- I got quite lean (not six-pack level), but I was lacking
muscle for my height at 6’2”. This is where I’d get deer-in-
the-headlight looks from cute women (like ~7+ range), and the
few conventionally attractive women would act coy with me and
give me approach invitations. Most other women started to
ignore me. This is also the point where I received the most
blushing from girls, giggling, blatant eye-fucking, gaping at
me, etc. 

- Now I’ve moved along the spectrum in leanness and
muscularity. I have a defined six-pack and I’ve added nearly
30 lbs of muscle to my frame.  I know that for sure as I’m
leaner than when I started, and it’s improved my face even
more. Several months ago I noticed women almost never looked
at me directly anymore. They would sneak glances a lot if I
was looking for it, but it was much harder to catch. The vast
majority of the time it feels like deliberate avoidance. I
also noticed something new happened. If a girl looked at my
face and looked surprised, she would rapidly turn her entire
body around to face away from me. It is an unusual body
language cue I started to see constantly. 

I'll give an example of a day from last week. I went to the doctors and there was a young girl there as an assistant. She helped me set up and I did have to take most of my clothes off. But we were just joking around and she was laughing a lot. Literally didn't glance my way once for 30 mins. She'd talk to the wall for the duration of the appointment. I'm not the type to stare and make others uncomfortable either. I have no expectations, but it's just odd to not look even once during conversation. Later that night I went out with a group of friends to several bars. It's like I was invisible there again too, which as I stated before is strange because I used to have women point me out or generally freak out in an obvious way when seeing me. That all happened when I was a bit fatter and I was far less muscular. 

I doubted my facial attractiveness because of my own dysmorphia, but it’s obvious that’s a large contributor to my attractiveness. Especially when I look back as a kid, but childhood trauma has an interesting way of destroying every shred of self-worth you have. I don't want to rely on this superficial attention from strangers, so I'm forcing myself to think outside of that and trust what makes sense. Regardless, I'm curious about your opinion.  

My response:

What you offer as information (and I have read it twice) is nothing that comes as a surprise.  Essentially you have experienced the lineal predictable response from women as you have become more physically attractive.  That is:

The hotter a man becomes = The more awkward the body language in the woman towards you

Your chronological experience was well explained by yourself, but to piggyback on that:

1) When you lost 40lbs and became average BMI, you in unwritten definition became average to a bit above average in terms of male physical attractiveness.  This as a by-product transformed you from being near on invisible to women, to attractive enough but still below most women in relative gender terms.  My guess is this was the time when a lot of below average, plain Janes and mildly cute women took an interest in you.  Fundamentally, you attracted women without placing their noses out of joint in any way.

2) Once you leaned out a bit but not to a ripped level, in conjunction with your ideal 6ft 2" height, you entered the above average level of male physical attractiveness (7/10 to 7.75/10). This would explain why the cute women and occasional hot women started noticing you with bed eyes. That said, I'm surprised in your explanation that it was only passive interest on their part.  I find that most above average looking men are always alongside cute to lower end hot women.  Maybe you weren't proactive enough to capitalize on this luxury?  In any case, women found you attractive but not unattainable or a god like vision.

3) Which nicely brings me onto the final stage.  Once you added 30lbs of muscle (which would also have sharpened your facial features up) to your already ideal height, you had the good luck/bad luck conundrum of reaching your physical attractiveness pinnacle but in turn becoming unattainable and a perception to women as poor/unsuitable partner material.  This fully explains the circumstance of their avoidance by and large.

What do I advise?

You now need to know that women construe you as the out of reach male specimen as alluded to.  On the basis you will not (and nor should you) go back to your less physically defined days, you need to approach women with self-assurance but not too much swagger.  You should show an interest in them.  Don't talk too much about yourself.  Ask her out in the first conversation, but don't waste time on her if she is just a time-wasting tease or attention-seeker.

The facts of the matter are that, even if you miraculously approached ten women who were all single, eight or nine will reject you on the basis of them preferring to be with a lesser looking male partner.  You need to accept this unfortunate actuality of life, and turn it into a back-handed compliment.

Other advice would be to look a bit more facially edgy (if you aren't already).  Maybe grow a full stubble or groomed beard which will, to a point, take away some of the pretty boy stigma.  Also, work on your nonphysical attractiveness offerings within feasibility.

Hope this helps, and all the best.


Wednesday 7 July 2021

Social class compatibility and natural cohabitation/marriage


“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.” (Mark Twain)


I was in the gym the other day (for a change!) when a quite attractive woman aged around twenty-four walked in.  She had long, straight brunette hair, her figure was well in shape, and she was reasonably pretty.  I’d give her an overall 7.75/10.

I’d never seen her in there before, and when she parked her ass on one of the benches, it was clear to see she was at a loss of what to actually do.  Her hair wasn’t even tied back, and she must have spent the first few minutes doing nothing but looking at her phone.  I got the feeling she just didn’t really have any inclination to train whatsoever, and it is likely she rarely goes to the gym other than once in a blue moon.   I guess her relatively young age and kind genetics, at least for now, haven’t forced any necessity on her to treat training seriously.

As a side note, this particular gym establishment was offering a weekend pass for any member’s friend (“Bring a Friend Weekend”).

Before I had seen this woman, a couple of men were training in the far corner of the gym on the Smith machine next to me.  I had seen both of them in there on a few occasions.  Both are your typical muscly gym guys, probably on the juice, with tattoos down their arms.  They both spoke with a chav toned Derby accent.  I’m not saying they don’t have decent jobs, as I know not one way or the other, but I very much doubt they are the most intelligent people out there.  I’d hedge a bet they originate, and probably still live, in one of the less affluent suburbs in Derby.  For the record, both are 7/10 in male physical attractiveness.

Guess who should meet?

Post seeing the girl, I moved to the other side of the gym which was in blind sight to her.  A few minutes later, the two guys moved to about ten yards from me.  A few minutes later further still, like magic the woman referenced went up to them.  I could hear her talk, and her voice tone and language were the female equivalent to both men.  Simply put, she wasn’t going to be applying for the University Challenge program any time soon.

When everything is put together, it turns out she is the girlfriend of one of the men.  I can only assume she was there as his “friend”, and on a free pass whilst he trained with the other guy.

Social class natural coming together for women and men

Women, and men for that matter, derive from all shapes, sizes, and physical looks levels irrespective of their monetary standings or social class upbringing.  Granted, affluence can assist a woman’s physical allure to a degree (think on the basis of Daddy’s or rich Hubby’s money allowing her the best cosmetics, possible surgery/enhancements, less requirement to work long hours etc), but this will only take her so far.  The link between money and male physical attractiveness is pretty much negligible. 

With this in mind, you don’t just find that all ugly people are found in the most deprived areas of a town or city and all the beauty is situated where most affluent.  There is a mixture of all to go round. 

Consequently then, life doesn’t just throw up a scenario where the richest men hunt down the hottest women they can find irrespective to what social class she belongs to, and women don’t just screen for the richest men irrespective to his social standing, intelligence and smarts.  Both genders, if honest, will still prefer a partner who is of similar social class and overall brain cell parity.  Whilst most intelligent and rich men still prioritize female looks over anything else, there will be a yardstick to how low he will go in terms of how ditzy she can be.  Conversely, although a woman places the highest priority on a man’s wealth and status, if he is too clever in comparison to her, she will feel inferior and likely not be comfortable in venturing on.  Exceptions do exist within both dynamics, but my explanation is the normal course of events.

Q-tip 1:

The happiest relationships you may find consist of a top level British male footballer (soccer player) and his associated WAG.  First, he gains from her world class hotness, even if it is by and large enhanced through cosmetics over and above her natural beauty.  Second, she gains due to the vast money and public exposure/popularity that is brought into her life.  Third, and most relevant to this post, is that in >95% of the time they are both as thick as pig shit.  It is further likely that, in spite of the rich and famous lifestyle they are both now in, they both in fact originate from the same low social class raising.

Do my experiences align with this theory?

Unlike most men who will have met their girlfriends/fianc├ęs/wives (and any ex-girlfriends) within a social network (work, other friends, family links) prior to dating, I have met more than half my ex-girlfriends through non-social network links – whether that be in a bar, nightclub, gym, travel destination, shopping mall, or just on the street.  Nevertheless, in either case the respective woman has been of a similar social class.  I can only think of one that was a good couple of levels below, although her education accolades did surpass her somewhat then existing residence deprivation. 

Despite both my parents originating from extremely poor to poor childhoods, collectively they did bring me up in a slightly below middle class/middle class area.  So, whilst I will never forget, disregard and be unappreciative of what they had to go through, in essence my mind has always been of a middle-class person.

Whether through sheer coincidence therefore, or based on the far more likely reasoning behind how compatibility is manifested, I have nearly always ended up with women who are on a remarkably similar intelligence, educational and social class platform.  The times I have cold approached physically attractive women at varying environments, yet when they opened their mouths it is clear they are from a level (or two or three) below me in social class, intuition and savviness, it usually hasn’t gone much further. 

Part of this dead end would be down to my infuriated thought process of sitting with someone who clearly isn’t on my wavelength (although I have to be honest and confess that I would still venture on for short term mentality sex), but, in my opinion and assessment, as large a part is down to their reluctance to be with someone who makes them feel mentally inferior.  It also cannot be ruled out that, on the basis these women have predominantly, if not always, found themselves with lower social class and low intelligence men, they even found me boring.

A final thought

Taking all this into consideration, for the purpose of long-term girlfriend or even wife material, it would be more than prudent to seek out a woman who is on, or was brought up in, a similar social class level to you.  Anything below that could end up in frustration on your part, and inferiority on her part.  A woman looking up to a man in proverbial terms is always far more beneficial than looking down on him for the health of the relationship, but there is a balance that needs to be struck.

Did I mention a woman looking down?  On the rarer occasions when women end up with men of lower social class, it rarely ends well.  The typical scenario here could be when a woman has become fed up with her rich (but boring beta) husband, and she goes through a spell seeking out more edgy and sexually arousing (but likely far less affluent and of lower social class) men.  These men could often, but not always, be younger than both her husband and her. 

The problem with this dynamic is that the whole process is simply a phase on the woman’s part to make herself feel alive once more and make herself feel better about life (especially if she is past her prime physical attractiveness years and wants to feel better in herself to be with a younger man).  She doesn’t just wake up one day and think that a nice house, expensive clothes, lavish vacations, flash cars and an easy life is no longer what she wants, and in replacement for living in a basement with very little disposable income.  She desires the best of both worlds.

This is why, after a few weeks (or months at most), she becomes infuriated and fed up with the edgier but economically poorer man who can’t give her the life she once attained.  She either goes running back to hubby (who, if he has any sense doesn’t take her back and is on the path with a younger and hotter female replacement), or she seeks out a similar man to the husband in wealth and status terms.

If you do find yourself with this kind of woman who is of higher social class to you and has lived a life of wealth above what you can feasibly supply, or are willing to supply, then simply use her as a short-term mentality phase of a bit of no strings attached sex.  If you try for anything above this, far more often than not it won’t end how you most likely would like it to conclude.  

Q-tip 2:

Nonetheless, just because you ultimately locate a woman who is on the same social class to you does by no means allow you to think all roads will be clear and smooth.  Every woman - from any social class or intelligence degree - arrives with issues, mind games, manipulations, lies, and an uncontrollable requirement to put herself before anything else.  In a way, the higher social class and intelligent she is, the harder she is to please.