Thursday 15 September 2022

Female hatred on men dating younger women (again!)


“Bitterness, bias, envy and fallacy will often rule over a view of reality.”


Reader komunisti asks for my thoughts on the below article:

Hello Vinay!

How are you? Hope you're fine.

I would like to know your opinion about this cheeky feminist critique on Di Caprio's "No date women above 25 years" law.


Thank you.

My response:

First, the article writer's face alone strikes me as someone who holds bitterness and resentment towards a man desiring (and sometimes securing) women who are a sizeable number of years his junior.  With this in mind (on the basis I am right on this view of her), her emotional bias will influence her writing content. This is poor form for a so-called professional writer.  Her primary function should be to tell the truth – or at least give her honest (not self-agenda thoughts to make herself and other women feel better about herself/themselves) – irrespective of, and over and above, any other factor.

Q-tip 1:

Even the most academic, intelligent and astute of woman cannot speak with unconditional honesty when a harsh reality of life hits her emotions.

First, men’s primary predilection on a sexual basis is to sleep with a woman he finds most physically and sexually attractive.  By no sheer coincidence, and with isolated exceptions to the rule acknowledged, even a 50-year-old man would state that a woman aged nineteen to twenty-three is his ideal target in this respect.

This of course does not mean that every 50-year-old man will just go for a 22-year-old woman.  He may find said 22-year-old woman incredibly attractive on a sexual front, but the lack of common ground and limited conversation compatibility will usually make him look for more mature (and hence, usually older) female options in terms of a longer-term consideration.

Second, many 50-year-old men will contemplate how ridiculous this relationship dynamic will appear when in social gatherings.  Even if he has looked after himself and aged well, the likelihood is that his parents will be old enough to be her parents.  Many of his friends will look like her father and mother in appearance terms.  These generation differential factors are enough to put him off venturing into such a large age disparity relationship, no matter how hard she makes his penis go.

Third, the vast majority of 22-year-old women will never in a million years consider being with a 50-year-old man.  Most 50-year-old men will at best still look at least twenty years older than her, and unless he is a multi-millionaire assisted by high social status (and these factors will often still not be enough), the 22-year-old woman will just see it as embarrassing and creepy.  Even if a 50-year-old man looks only thirty-five in physical appearance, I’d estimate that the vast majority of 22-year-old women will still not go anywhere near to this younger looking (but still twenty-eight years her senior) man.

How much does fame and fortune eradicate this female resistance?

With the above considered, it is therefore fair to say that a (small) majority of “everyday” 50-year-old men will not look to pursue with a 22-year-old woman (even one he wants to bang her very much), and a (very large) majority of 22-year-old women will not go near a 50-year-old man.  I think a lot of people fail to accept this truism.

Nevertheless, throw in extreme wealth and fame, and you formulate a different ball game entirely.  As I’ve always said, there is always a price that can be placed in front of a woman’s eyes to disguise over her distastes.  A women’s primary function when seeking suitable male partners is to produce a life which will be better than she had before.  This factor comes before satisfying her ego (although you could argue that being with an extremely wealthy and famous man ticks this box too), and well before satisfying her sexual urges.

With this in mind, a high percentage of 22-year-old women are not going to turn down an opportunity with a Leonardo Di Caprio figurehead.  She may not find him overly (or at all) sexually attractive, and she may find him boring and like talking to her dad, but these distastes can be mitigated to a great extent by what she has to gain.

Q-tip 2:

In this modern day it is an easy concept for a woman to consider and go through with a marriage to a man who she is not that into sexually.  She can gain in the short-term, and then file for divorce shortly after.  It is often a win-win scenario for her.

When the roles are reversed – female hypocrisy

As illustrated in this previous post, female hypocrisy is never more apparent when large age gap relationships are at the heart of the topic. 

When a man is seen with a much younger woman, most other women will broadcast him as a creepy old man, a cradle snatcher, or a man lacking any level of mental maturity to be with a woman of similar age to him.

When the script is flipped – and a woman is seen with a much younger man – it never seizes to amuse me how on watching women will often give it the “go girl” rendition, and that she is just living her fun deserving life.  These deluded and hypocritical comments are commonly accompanied by misconceptions that the younger man needs an older woman, as the women his age are too immature. 

Let us be honest and cut through the bullshit though.  Most men who date older (>5 years) women are often low sought-after men, or/and men lacking in any degree of genuine inner confidence.  As men place predominant priority on the physical attractiveness level of a woman and how much he wants to bang her, any half-decent man should always be able to find himself a woman of same age or younger.

Because whilst we can talk until we are blue in the face with regards to how big the age gap can be before it seems weird, the facts of the matter are that an older man and younger woman dynamic simply just plays into the role of natural biology.  Men like what a younger woman has, and women like what an older man has.  Consequently, when it is the other way round and the woman is older than the man, this is not playing into life’s magical story of nature and instincts. 

With this all taken into account, the conclusion is simple.  A woman’s primary motivation in being with a younger man is to feel better about herself and convince others (and herself) that she is still beautiful in the same way as her younger self and younger female rivals.  It is in essence to massage her own ego, rather than first and foremost being attracted to him.  A man’s subconscious (and sometimes conscious) reasoning to be with an older woman is because he does not possess the inner belief that he can control and trust a, on paper and often reality, higher maintenance younger woman.

A final thought

I always remember talking to a man in the gym who was thirty-two at the time of this particular conversation.  I was a year younger than him.  He was adamant that if he looked after himself, when he turned fifty, he could still attract (and I assume he also believed he could get them to date him and sleep with him) women of thirty.  I did not think much of it at the time, in analysis terms of how realistic this was.

In retrospect, I know where he was coming from.  The critical part is that he would need to look after himself and appear physically much younger than his chronological age.  The other requirement would be to find those minority of women who are comfortable with a twenty-year age gap.  In my opinion, the former task is far easier than the latter potential obstruction.

What I would say though, to back up his argument somewhat, is that it would be easier for him at fifty to find a 30-year-old woman than him at forty-five finding a 25-year-old woman.  In other words, as every year passes, the age gap he was referring to becomes a little more attainable - all else being equal.

All in all, to go back to the article in question, you probably have two gender biases that aren’t quite aligning with reality.  In essence, there is probably a higher percentage of older men who think considerably younger women will date them in comparison to the actual percentage of women who will date these men.  Conversely, there is a lower percentage of women who accept much younger women will date older men than the actual percentage of these younger women who will.  I will leave the rest for you to decide….


The Guardian

Friday 2 September 2022

Workplace romances and relationships


“It is a good idea to not try and fix a plane whilst in the sky.”


I have recently become a regular viewer of the The Office US.  I fully appreciate this may seem like an eternity to many people who watched it over a decade ago, but I guess we all collide into TV shows retrospectively and by accident.  I find it very entertaining.

Alongside the admirable acting, storylines and humour, the one thing that stood out was the sheer frequency of in-house relationships they scripted.  I guess this is a critical ingredient to keep the drama at an optimum in order to consequently keep the viewing figures high.  In any case, it all got me thinking of my past office and workplace experiences, and those former colleagues who chose a similar path to date someone within the same workplace.

What do the statistics show?

Based on this report, it is now found that just over one in ten couples are finding love in the workplace.  This is compared to one in five romances in 1990 that were a by-product of workplace colliding. 

The report appears to stress on the bias that this is a small number, but you have to base your argument on a little more than just this 11% (of today, or 20% from >30 years ago) of workplace in isolation:

·       First, there will be more than a few couples who aren’t declaring the truth, and they perhaps want to keep this on the quiet.  Whilst I accept this would be minimal in the whole scheme of things, it still should be considered that it would increase the figures somewhat.

·       Second, in actuality 11% is still quite a high number bearing in mind that a man, and a woman, will meet far more women and men respectively in their social outings (should they not be socially inept out of work) than they will at work.  For example, a man can, and should, see far more women on just one night out than he would in weeks of working at the same place.

In any case, irrespective to whether you think 11% is low or high, I lean much more towards this study from 2014.  This article concludes to 30% of relationships starting at work.  Therefore, if we just take an idle average between both reports, it concludes to just over 20% of people being in a relationship with someone they met at work.  One in five then.  That’s pretty high, based on my explanation in the second bullet point above.

Why am I reluctant to take this path?

I would by no means say I have never been attracted to any women I have met in the workplace.  Whilst this number would be a tiny minority (to be frank, meeting a cute or hot woman in male dominated environments amongst the much higher numbers of female mingers is like finding a needle in a haystack), there have been a few ladies who remain in my memory.  I would firmly say, on top of this, that an even smaller number of women who stay in my mind for sexual attractiveness purposes were simply women who were seen on isolated (and often only one) occasion as a coincidental passing attendee or visitor.

My view to subconsciously abstain from meeting a woman within the workplace to have a relationship or fling with has always been based on a few reasons:

·       It would bore and tire the relationship due to seeing her too much. 

·       You would get in the middle of dramas and issues where politics and “sides” are encountered, in particular if she was at the centre of any situation.

·       I don’t like women knowing too much about my personal finances or workplace ambitions (or lack of!) – which could be far easier worked out by her if she occupied at the same company.

·       Belonging to two totally separate workplaces, industries, occupations and colleague networks would give the two of us more to talk about.

·       I have always had enough confidence in my offerings as a man to women to know I can meet a woman in alternative social environments – gyms, bars, nightclubs, on the street, or through sheer coincidence – to avoid having to even consider the negatives in dating a woman from the same office.

For the purpose of a caveat, I would stress that I do not have a problem being in a relationship with a woman who works within the same (preferably large) company, but just not at the same office premises.  Even then, I would prefer not to.

The reasons men will meet their future girlfriend/wife in the workplace

At the risk of sounding harsh, and this was alluded to above and has been documented directly on this blog in the past, the vast majority of men in a random workplace (and to be fair, the vast majority of men generally) are not striking women’s attentions on a wholesale basis (whether that be at work or elsewhere) on face value alone.  Simply put, most men are basically invisible to women on a sexual attraction basis. 

Additionally, the vast majority of men are not greatly confident when it derives to interacting with women they do not know personally.  Most men do not attain the courage to approach a woman they do not know, let alone ask her out.

Nevertheless, the workplace acts as a big mitigation to this predicament for a man.  First, knowing a woman via work eradicates much of his anxiousness and low confidence around women.  He can get to know her gradually, and then strike when all signs are there.  Second, and far more applicable, is the fact that a profession, in particular as he climbs the career ladder, acts as an attraction onto a woman when in normal circumstances she would barely notice him.  The status, money, potential, and perhaps power can sway women to his attention, and disguise over his lacking physical allure. 

This all manifests to give a man opportunities with women – including women at the high end of female physical attractiveness – which he would not open up for himself in a bar, club, gym or elsewhere.

The reasons women will meet their future boyfriend/husband in the workplace

With women, the reasoning and motivation is much different in gender relative terms.  In fact, it is so different that it is almost a complete opposite to why a man would meet his future female partner at work. 

In spite of a decrease in men having the balls to approach women who they do not know, and an increase in women’s negative receptiveness to being approached by men they do not know, most sought-after women will still find the path to men asking them out.  Granted, this may be more common via friendship or social networks than cold approaching from men in gyms, bars and clubs, but ultimately they will still produce invitations from the opposite sex.  In essence, there is a much higher percentage of women who attract the eyes of men in contrast to a tiny minority of men who attract the eyes of women.

With this in mind – women attracting men without the need (unlike men) of a workplace to gain attraction from the other sex – then why would women choose to meet a man at work?

·       First, and as explained on earlier, a woman can become more attracted to a man once his professional offerings are exposed.  A woman finds earnings (and the potential male financial provisioning this will bring which benefits her life) very appealing, with the associated company profile and power (sometimes even when he comes across as a pathetic office bully) not far behind her primary predilection.

·       Second, as much as most women will deny this, they go looking for drama, self-attention, being talked about, and complications in their life.  All these boxes can be ticked in dating a man, or sometimes just having an affair with a man, within the same workplace.  Why date the equal sought-after (or even better catch) man she met in the bar on Saturday, when the guy at work brings about all the necessities a woman craves for.

A final thought

In truth, there is not much more to say or explain.  I think it has now essentially all been covered.

In easy summary, a man will look to find a woman in the workplace to compensate for his low courage traits in approaching women in the big bad world outside of work, in addition to being able to display endearing appeal at work to women who would otherwise walk past without noticing him.

On the other hand, women will seek a man in the workplace due to finding him more appealing than in any other social environment, all else being equal.  Add on the drama and attention that this will create, and voila, all the pieces to the jigsaw are complete.


As a man, strive to find any free (or near cost free) benefit that can further your attraction onto women.  Work on your physical attractiveness (on the basis you are a man who is not already catching the eyes of innumerable women), but understand this is not a huge factor in the overall scheme of things.  Smell good, look confident, be firm but approachable, have a pleasing to others personality, portray strong body language, and perhaps most of all, be aware of what attracts women in the first place.  Everything else should fall into place.