Saturday 28 June 2014

Italian women set the example

“Are some of us guilty in persisting to admire our reflection in the mirror, after failing to realize that members of opposite sex have stopped looking in our direction?”

Some countries simply churn out a greater percentage of physically attractive people than others.  The United States of America isn’t one of them.  Speaking from almost every day observation, the United Kingdom is most certainly not one of them.  Germany takes on the rough end of the stick in negative perception from outsiders, but let me tell you that there are a far higher percentage of eye catching women in comparison to the two nations previously mentioned.  Scandinavian countries – mainly Sweden and Denmark – also seem to produce a somewhat conveyor belt of female hotties, and if you believe in certain female surveys (more fool you), the respective male population in some Nordic nations are also seen as admirable in looks terms.  There are too many other countries to go through, but one country surely leads the way.

During a recent 2 week business and pleasure trip to Italy, this period in my life confirmed what I already knew.  Italian people, from young to old, ooze style, uniqueness and, most pronounced, physical impressiveness in relativity to the inhabitants of any other country I have visited or studied.  It made me chuckle inside, because someone could spend a long life going out every Saturday in my home city of Derby, visiting shopping malls, restaurants, late bars and nightclubs, and they would not come close to seeing the amount of cute and hot women I saw in just the first 72 hours in the cities of Rome and Milan.  And as a physically blessed guy with top end male facial features, I more than met my match on numerous occasions when passing the tracks of Italian men.

Italian women

As a sexually hungry heterosexual man, I will naturally take the female analysis first.  I’m not saying there were wall to wall quantities of hot women (>8/10) throughout every step I took, but there were clearly bundles more than I would see in England.  It was the next tier down – cute women between 7/10 to 7.75/10 – who seemed to be everywhere I turned.  It was like they were dropping off olive trees.  In both cases, hot and cute women, I would be conservative in saying that in just a couple or morning hours on the metro and downtown, there were 10 times the number I would see during a full weekend back home.  And Italy is a good comparable with the UK, as both countries attain populations of similar numbers. 

Italian men

The men with blessed looks who I saw were also in much higher volume over there, and this is good news to all women belonging to nations, like the UK, who are critical towards the standard of home town male totty (which is a strange argument considering most women deliberately select men who are lesser looking).  As stated earlier, there were more than a few men who went toe to toe or beyond with me on a physical appearance basis.  I would confidently say that there were as many men who could match or better my physical attractiveness scale in these 2 weeks than my life during the last 2 ½ years.  And yet again, there seemed to be hoards of above average looking men (a top end above average looking man in Italy would be classed as good looking in the UK).  When you consider the effortless and silky style to go with their looks, it’s no wonder they stand out.  I take an estimate of there being 5 times as many good looking and above average looking men in Italy than my home country.

What does all this mean?

For regular readers of this blog, in addition to those who have a mind for statistics, you will know this all results in a higher ratio of hot woman to hot man and cute woman to above average looking man dynamics.  In each case, it will manifest to a 7:1 interface.  From a man’s perspective, this is positive on a few counts.

  • When women are in tough competition with each other (which almost always is competition based on physical attractiveness), they strive harder to look good, smell fresh and act well.  This is why a typical bar in a British city can be a complete waste of time.  Not only are there nothing more than isolated glamorous women, but the high ratio of men to women in these venues enforces women to subconsciously act with arrogance and above their objective value.  In the case of Italian women, where there are inundated beautiful women to compete with, they will put in the extra yard to look good, and often act accordingly, in attracting decent men.
  • It doesn’t take a genius to work out that the higher the number of impressive looking women within an environment, the easier it is to find one.  This isn’t to say that a regular Italian man could simply take his foot off the gas and let himself go physically or lose his job, but it should mean that a man with a certain pay scale and status in Italy could secure himself a much prettier woman than his equivalent in other countries.  Despite the point I’m about to make, this was still true from my observations.  By and large, the hottest women were still with the highest status, but lesser looking, men.
  • In as little as 2 weeks, I saw 4 times as many hot couples – a man and a woman from the top end of physical attractiveness – as I saw in the whole of last year.  Bearing in mind I only saw 2 couples who fitted this bill in 2013, it still wasn’t common viewing in Italy, but there were also definitely more equally matched looking couples than what you would see in other countries.  When women are accustomed to seeing a much higher number of good looking men, the emotions of jealousy, hostility and inferiority are negated to an extent in respect to countries where a hot woman rarely has her nose put out of joint.  In a country where physical beauty, female and male alike, is embraced rather than frowned upon, a very good looking man is seen upon with positive eyes rather than envious instincts. 

I have to be honest, and I came away from this fantastic country with a slight tear in my ear.  Guys who possess high end male physical attractiveness, unique style, charisma, positive body language and uniqueness would be right up their street in major Italian cities.  Whereas most women, or men, in England look at you as if you’re an alien who landed on planet earth because you just so happen to stand out from the crowd, the typical Italian person would welcome you with open arms in having the character to wake up their boring day.  This was even apparent with the older folk.  I could tell by the way even Grandmas looked at me that they were once the younger girl who was attracted to men of my kind.

As a side-note, I also observed many of the tourist couples.  These included inundated European and North American visitors.  Although the phenomenon viewing is for a man to be with a better looking woman, and this is still the general case, I did see far more men with slightly less physically attractive women than I would do in day to day life.  It makes some sense to a point.  This gap wasn’t significant, and in some instances nothing more than negligible, but when you consider the vast majority of men are with a woman (assuming the woman is under 40) who is 10% to 15% above him in looks comparison, these dynamics do stand out. 

My simple theory to this is that it takes more than just a pretty female face and good to bang body to spend a long period of time with.  Nothing tests a relationship more than a sustained spell of unbroken time together, and without a television to cloud the muddy waters of inevitable limited common ground and mental stimulation.  Even with the hottest of women, there is only so much sex she can give you before you get bored and irritated by her self-obsessed mannerisms and lack of scintillating conversation.  Even the most naïve and gullible of men, as most men are, will have second thoughts of spending endless days with someone they don’t want to see outside of the bedroom.  Sometimes a low maintenance woman, even if perhaps not the shiniest apple on the tree, is a more appealing option to men who have adventures as high priority. 

So men should just jet off to Italy if they want to upgrade on overall female physical attractiveness, right?  Well, not so fast my good friends.  There has always been a wive’s tale that Italian women do not age very well.  I cannot confirm or deny this claim on first-hand experience, because I haven’t dated an Italian woman from her late teens into her 30s.  That would be foolish when there are so many women in the world to choose from. 

But there is some logic behind this possible myth.  There is no denying that there are a greater percentage of younger people in southern European countries who are smoking, in comparison to northern European counterparts.  Combine this factor with frequent exposure to the sun and Mamma’s fine, but perhaps stodgy, cuisine.  By the time they reach their 35th birthday, the portraits of a tight, profiled body, in conjunction with a natural olive toned pretty face, could be a thing of the past.  

Wednesday 25 June 2014

Men dating younger women

“There is a time in our life when we are too young to even blink at the future, and another time when we are too old to think of anything but what lies ahead.  And then there is the middle ground, when we simply do not know whether to smile back at the past, or increasingly worry about the dark roads ahead.”

There is a consensus from many men, and even women, that the older a woman becomes, the less physically attractive she is progressively seen to others.  This isn’t every woman, and this is important to point out.  However, taking away the celebrity females or those who have the disposable income to pay for cosmetic surgery, then it will be a fair argument to say that most women you know will not show improvement post 25 years of age.  In other words, a 21 year old doesn’t usually look any more attractive when she reaches 25.  Taking it on further, a 25 year old will look less attractive when she reaches thirty.  Not all women, but most.  Many aspects of life progression such as having children is the main contributor, but even women who have not experienced motherhood will still fall into this fact of life.  I guess it’s simply “mother time” - girls mature earlier than boys in their teens, and consequently they physically age quicker in their 20s and 30s.

Now I have many male friends or acquaintances that have also followed the same path.  They were relatively attractive guys in their late teens and early 20s, but then they encountered their good friends in alcohol, fast food and the late nights of regular occurrence.  The inevitable result was weight gain and looking a little fatigued.  If they never lose this habit of life then it is a domino effect of looking older and older.  On the other hand, if a man acknowledges this kind of living will significantly and rapidly age him, he can adjust his life to suit.  He can take the conscious decision to eat better, sleep longer, drink less alcohol and join a gym.  These are the sacrifices he must make, but they are just some of the actions he can take to look after himself.  If he does, unlike most women, he can improve his physical look and appeal.  He may have lost his boyish looks, but instead he develops a more defined, groomed and mature appearance.  Throw in the fact that he is now conceivably earning much more money than previous years, combined with owning his own property, and he becomes quite a catch.  It is the unspoken consequence that the older a man gets, the higher his sexual market value can become.  In contrast, it is usually the opposite effect in a woman’s world.

A man in this situation has the natural ability and attributes, providing he combines it with personality, charisma and a level of interaction strategy, to attract women as young as 18 to as old as 45.  The younger category of females will usually visualize him as a guy in his mid 20s because of his youthful look in comparison to his chronological age, and even when knowledge of his years may intimidate her, it also excites her as well as massaging her ego.  The older extreme of females will see a younger man than her, but someone with a developed presence.  She will place her bet on the basis he is at a stage in his life when persona outweighs an immature attraction, and although there will always be doubts to whether it could work, again, dating this guy will inflate her self-value.

The blog will later cover the advantages and disadvantages of a relationship with an older woman in another post.  As most men in this luxurious position would opt for the younger women, there are a number of positive and negative considerations they have to understand, whether that is prior, during, or even after his experience with a female in this age bracket.  For clarity, I would define an age gap relationship to be 7 years or greater, but the following points are not just relative to a younger woman in number terms.  Simply put, even a woman who is only 4 years younger could in fact act in a way where she appeared double this.

Pro1: Easy on the eye

Let’s start with the obvious attraction to a man - she is basically good to look at.  Even girls of 18 look older, and she will be at her physical attraction peak.  As heterosexual humans, whether in a relationship or not, we are naturally inclined to be drawn to those most sexually attractive to us from the opposite sex.  Men further reinforce this analysis, as they are drawn to a greater need of a girlfriend’s physical look.  Putting aside the sex for a moment, it is a good feeling to know you are with an attractive woman, irrespective of her other attributes.  She makes a bad day seem good, and a good day appears to be amazing.

Pro 2: Sexual Arousal

Even men out there who have the sexual arousal threshold of a frog, and can become erect by just the basic nakedness of any woman, will still have varying arousal levels depending on how attractive he perceives her to be.  In truth, younger women are not as experienced or as knowledgeable in bed as their older counterparts.  Needless to say really, such is experience being exactly that.  But in my time, experience isn’t the only factor.  A young, attractive female is also prone to be self-conscious when the lights go out, and you pretty much do the work yourself.  However, even if this is the case, your arousal will be greater than when alongside the older woman with skills.  A man who denies this is the case is either that jumping frog mentioned, or a complete liar.

Pro 3: Self Ego

Whilst men are not near to the same spectrum of requiring attention and ego escalation as women, it’s not a bad internal feeling to have a younger bit of stuff standing next to you.  I guess it’s the whole “trophy girl” label that convinces a man he still has his own look too.  For less physically attractive men, it is a signal of his other attributes – his overall sexual market value – being desirable.  His friends look across in admiration, envy or jealousy, and although you shouldn’t care what they think, nobody can deny the old bit of self-fulfillment doesn’t bring a cheeky grin to their face.

Pro 4: She’s a natural follower

To disregard age for a moment, women in general terms prefer a man who can lead the relationship.  It illustrates positive male traits of confidence, leadership and pro-activeness.  Due to a younger woman’s sometimes infatuation and admiration of an older, experienced man, she will follow his every move to the point of being a puppet.  It is the rare time a woman questions her own belief, as she almost instantaneously thinks he must be right about it.  This can draw negatives too, but after inundated encounters with older women stating black is white, a period of this kind is like a breath of fresh air.

Pro 5: Less committal

Of course, if you are a guy in a hurry to settle down then this issue is a drawback, but the counter argument would be if you are this guy, why are you with a younger woman?  Assuming you are the usual man who is a touch indecisive, indifferent and nervous when the commitment word is mentioned, and you are one who has had past relationships come to an end due to her desire to commit, then a younger woman will usually give you this breathing space.  Nevertheless, it is still beneficial for a man to be aware of those early learners: those who may be attempting to trap a man, as they are aware they are onto a good thing if they meet a high calibre man.

Con 1: Immaturity

Drama, texting when you are around, wanting her own way, acting spoilt, running away when you disagree with her, and calling her friends and family bad names – are all part of the trials and tribulations of being with a younger girlfriend.  Does this sound familiar?  If not, then it will be soon.  Unfortunately, it comes with the territory.  With all this said, I have dated a mature minded nineteen year old in comparison to an immature twenty-eight year old.  However, this is the exception, and immaturity from a mental perspective is a usual hand in hand consequence in being with a younger woman.

Con 2: Just not mentally stimulating

You have been seeing her for a couple of months, the sex is great, she looks incredible, and surprisingly you have enjoyed the time together.  Then one day you have an issue in your life you would like to share with her, and for her to give you an honest opinion.  But she fires a blank.  Over time, you realize her mind hasn’t developed in these tender years to give a view of substance outside of her own life or reality television programmes.  Only time will tell if she is someone who has the potential to one day surprise you.

Con 3: Her friends

All this negative talk about a relationship with a younger woman in the short-term is overrated, is it?  At least this may be what a man is saying to himself after a month or so.  You think she is mature beyond her years, she is trustworthy and generally a good person to talk to.  Then one night you join her and her younger girl friends with their respective younger boyfriends for a night out.  Whilst the girls are talking about their usual irrelevant and unimportant things going on, even the younger guys are annoying you.  It’s not their fault, as they are only acting the exact way you were yourself ten years ago.  But this comprehension of life’s natural progression doesn’t make it any easier, and an hour spent with them seems like a week.  Even your girlfriend has brought herself down to their maturity grade, and you wonder if you can go through another night like this, irrespective of how she looks.  I would quite comfortably say that this is the biggest obstacle in standing in the way of it working with her.

Con 4: Different Interests

So you’ve had a tough day at work and you’re looking forward to a night in front of the television with her up against you.  Then a text arrives at five o’clock stating she is all up for going out.  The hard truth is that the energy levels between the two of you are worlds apart.  Furthermore, the things she gets excited about are only what you did yourself in a previous life.  They are things you certainly do not choose to do all over again.  There is only one word that comes to mind here - compromise.  Unfortunately, compromise to a woman can be interpreted into going down your path in a one in ten ratio.

Con 5: Differing objectives in life
You like the girl, things are going well, and quite frankly you cannot see yourself being with anyone else.  You may not be exactly ready to put a ring on her finger, but the thoughts of the next step haven’t escaped your mind either.  Then one night she mentions her two friends who are talking about going abroad for the summer to participate in giving out flyers, or some other dead end job.  She is considering joining them.  Life is ironic, isn’t it?  After spending years hiding from commitment with other women, suddenly the boot is on the other foot.

In summary, I would comfortably say the strength of the good points outweigh the bad points.  It is a case of “suck it and see” outlook, and not placing too much emphasis on the relationship or her.  Outcome dependence should be replaced by enjoying the moment.  It’s important to give her space and let her do her own thing.  If a younger woman senses supplication in an older man, she will summon this deficiency more harshly than her previous boyfriend of a similar age.    This older man and younger woman compatibility is ideal for the typical alpha male, as he will view it more as a short term fix with a “what will be will be” attitude.  A beta male, even an older beta male, will simply become attached and more jealous with her outside activities.  The alpha male doesn’t suffer from this jealousy because the whole thing is only one thing going on in his life.  He puts himself first, and this is imperative with this kind of woman.  There’s no doubt about it, she will be putting herself first too. 

Saturday 21 June 2014

Hot women dismissing hot men: my first and final memories

“An oddly matched couple, with agendas attached,
can seem like being at the top of a glass mountain wearing glass slippers.”

I always remember a certain teacher during my high school days by the name of Mrs.Wolfe.  She taught history and a bit of physical education, but what stood out to me and the young boys was her beauty.  Even as kids, with barely a pubic hair to show between us, we were old enough to possess an eye for female beauty.  At the time we would have seen her as an ancient age, but the fact she was actually only 25 shows how fast time moves when I consider that is the same age as my current girlfriend.

With next to no comprehension of female selectivity in men, we thought she would be a great match for the male Sports teacher, Mr.Davies.  He was good looking with a muscular build (a build that wouldn’t be the desirable to most women today), and I would tend to think many boys craved to look like him one day.  So when we saw Mrs.Wolfe’s husband, it goes without saying that a few eyebrows were raised.  As although he was only half a dozen years older than her, his average facial features, receding hairline and, to be kind, “cuddly” build all brought about a guy who was clearly boxing above his weight by some 40% with her.  We later found out he had a high earning job in the commercial sector, so the easy assumption back then was to put it all down to money.  Just for the record, but equally relevant, Mr.Davies was also with a lesser looking female partner.  I’d say his wife’s physical attractiveness scale was at least a grade below him.

Ten years passed by before I came across my next fully conscious contemplation of equally matched couples from the high end of physical beauty not necessarily being a given in life that they will get together.  I certainly hadn’t been alien to inundated visions of hotter girl with lesser looking male dynamic, but I always put it down to the size of his wallet.  No comprehension was there to the point of any other factor.  When this time did arrive, the memory belongs to a girl I was infatuated by during further education.  Her name was Rachel.  She was so pretty, and her long brunette hair and toned legs to die for kept me in my bedroom with eyes shut more than a few times.  She was an 8.75/10.

Rachel was the best friend of a female peer of mine (Jenny) during A-Levels (ages 16 to 18).  Rachel attended a different college to us within the same city of Derby, but weekend nights out would give me the opportunity to act like any teenage boy walking around with a permanent erection – supplicated, lecherous and no interaction strategy to offer.  I was a late developer in male physical puberty and matured attractiveness, but as I was always facially blessed in comparison to the competition, I did catch Rachel looking over on sporadic occasions.

During a French lesson, I noticed some writing on Jenny’s notebook that was signed by Rachel.  My name was subscribed, with the message next to it stating “sex only”.  I had no interpretation to the meaning behind the words, and I didn’t press Jenny for an explanation.  Jenny would not have been very accommodating in any case, because she fancied the pants off me in conjunction to likely jealousy of her prettier best friend.

Off we all went to University, and random term break nights would be the only times I would have the privilege to see Rachel on view.  Unlike all the other hefties who would come back sporting the excess weight from beer and burgers, Rachel held onto her curvaceous figure.  During one New Year’s Eve party, she came up to me at midnight, she smiled and said my name, and she gave me a full on French kiss.  I cannot recollect her kissing anyone else.  Of all the kisses in my life, I will never forget this one.  She finished the smooch and walked off.  It was probably the most bitter-sweet moment of my life.  Part of me felt like I’d won the lottery, but the other half was left wondering where we go from there.  I never saw her until months after that treasured experience.

Along came the summer, and everyone returned to home territory.  Now at the age of 19, Rachel was looking as hot as ever.  One night I saw her in a busy bar, and a very good looking man walked over to her.  I recognized him, as he was a year above me at the same University, and he also belonged to a social proof group of other decent looking guys.  I have no reservation in conceding he was better looking than me, although perhaps in a manly handsome manner as opposed to natural looks.  He started talking to Rachel, yet what struck me more than anything was her absolute ignorance towards him.  She didn’t even look him in the eye once, and not one word was dispatched from her mouth.  Even though I was joyful in her rejecting his advances, part of me, even then, did show some genuine pity towards him.  Surely no guy, providing he isn’t acting like a disrespectful jerk, deserves to be blatantly ignored in a pre-conceived method.

By the age of 22, we had all graduated from our respective higher education venues.  Some found careers earlier than others, but like any home town, your heart rarely leaves it for good.  I’d only seen Rachel a handful of times over the previous 3 years, and on each and every situation she was still looking great.  Although I was in the midst of a 2 ½ year relationship with the girl I had met during study days, my love was with her but my sexual inclinations and deeper feelings were with Rachel. 

However, a year later I heard of news that Rachel was expecting a baby.  Two years on from the first child and she had become a mother once more.  Not long after birthing the second kid I saw her in a nightclub, and whilst perhaps ageing a touch, she was still looking fine.  Alongside her stood the husband and father, with his male friends who looked similar to him.  A 5.75/10 would be the best physical attractiveness rating an objective assessor could offer him.  Even allowing for her decline, she was a full 45% above him in the looks stakes.  Having spoken to Jenny about him, he is just the typical nice guy who provides well.  No great profession, he simply is a run of the mill person.     

What can we learn from dynamics of these kinds – hot woman dating down?

  • The vast majority of hot women do not take kindly to being with a man of equal physical attractiveness.  Even if he is slightly below her (8.25/10 v 8.5/10), this negligible plus on her side will most often not be enough to ease her discomforts when a man is at the high end of male beauty.
  • If a hot woman does not know a hot man on personal levels, she will almost always dismiss his advances.
  • A hot woman is more likely to venture into a relationship, whether it is seen for the short, medium or long term, if she does know the hot man through a “real life” social network field.
  • Although she will act much friendlier with a hot man she knows than a hot man she does not know, a hot woman will still rarely venture on with the nagging thought that sits inside to tell her she may be upstaged by a male partner attaining abundant admirable physical looks.
  • Hot women, and women in general, will almost never admit the real reason they “date down” in physical attractiveness terms.  They will either avoid the topic completely, or they may justify the odd visual match with reasons along the lines of personality and compatibility being the priorities in an ideal male mate.
  • Providing he does not have a track record of infidelity, a hot woman will date a very blessed looking man if he has an array of other desirable metrics – mainly money and status (social or occupational) – over a lesser looking man with very little to offer her.
  • If looks are the only variable and all else is equal, at least 90% of hot woman will choose the lesser looking man over a man of similar aesthetic impressiveness to her own level.
  • Although hot women have a default mechanism to date men less eye catching than them in gender relativity, they will only go so far in this de-leverage selection mentality.  Naturally, a hot woman will choose an average looking man over an ugly man, if all else is similar in comparison to the two men. 
  • Most hot women are seen with above average looking men.  The typical bond will be an 8/10 rated woman with a 7/10 rated man.
  • All the above applies to nearly all hot women above the age of 23.  Although the vast majority of hot women below the age of 23 still follow the same trends, a higher percentage of this younger group will be more inclined to not reject men of hotness parity. 
  • Cute women (who sit below 8/10 physical attractiveness rating) also follow a similar pattern to all as explained with hot women.  Nevertheless, there are 10 times as many cute women as hot women, therefore the opportunities for men at the top end of male looks will naturally manifest to lead them into the arms of cute, but not hot, women.

Only last week I encountered my latest all so common interaction process with a hot woman.  She sported long blonde hair, and a pretty face and curvy figure would put her at an 8.5/10 as seen that night.  As I’ve documented before on this blog, I humbly rate myself at 8.25/10.  She had seen me before on other nights, and each and every time she looked in my direction.  When she saw me on this occasion, the bed eyes were all so obvious once more.  This was followed by an abrupt turning of the other way.  When I approached her with a question, she lapped it up for a few seconds and turned back to her friends.  After leaving it a minute, I opened up once more with a genuine topic.  This time she disregarded me and walked off.  She then walked into the next bar we were in.  In a repeat show, she kept glancing over to me, and once she realized I was enjoying the company of more chilled (but less attractive) women, she guided her friends to the exit door.

Hot women are the easiest to work out once you have experienced a few of them.  They have the biggest egos, and they worry every day what the outside world thinks of them.  They are usually the most insecure and self-conscious out of all the female population.  Their prides hang on an edge, and the thought of a man, no matter how high value he is, rejecting them is a consequence too hard to deal with.  They are as high as a kite when the last touch of make-up is attached before a Saturday night out, but it doesn’t take long to reach the low once self-doubts creep in. 

And their demeanours and characters run parallel with their glamour in terms of highs and lows.  The hottest women, from my experience, have the steepest drop to their natural look.  A cute woman could look a 7/10 when glamoured up, and a 6/10 when she wakes in the morning.  A hot woman of 8.5/10 in public can drastically drop to a 6/10 once the alarm clock rings.  This reason alone goes a long way to explain why hot women are rarely seen with very good looking men.  Not only do they need to steal the show in the eyes of the public, but they live in trepidation to how a man will perceive her when she isn’t looking her best.   

Ladies, take it from a hot man: we are quite happy with your not so pretty look in the morning.  We know you can’t look your best during every second of every day, and you’d be surprised how many of us are more understanding than you believe us to be.  But if you are avoiding making your hearts happy because your egos cannot cope with the thought of being with a man who turns you on, but who just so happens to sexually attract other women too, well I wish you on your merry way to an uninspiring future.  If you ask me, it really is pathetic.   

Tuesday 10 June 2014

Women being jealous of handsome men: explanations to the reasons behind their hostile mannerisms

“Sometimes people don’t tell you everything, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.  It could just mean they are trying to protect you.  It could mean they are hiding something for your best interests.  It could mean they are manipulating a situation, as they are none the wiser to how things will turn out.  Or it could mean they are refraining from speaking the words, in order to suit their own agenda.”

If you’re a good looking man in an environment that isn’t exactly inundated with other handsome counterparts, the truth is you’re going to stand out.  At this point, the job you do, your personality, your whole stature and your background hold no relevance to how you are perceived by women.  You will still need to hold a presence, because even the best looking man in the world will soon lose his desirability if he holds his head down and has slumped shoulders with an expression of having the world’s problems to encounter. If you are this guy who stands out then you hold a distinct advantage over all the average looking men out there, but it’s important to stress this privilege also comes with some drawbacks.

Now at this point it is worthwhile in re-iterating that a woman’s perception of a man she doesn’t know will rule her conclusion to what kind of person he is.  If she sees an average looking to below average looking guy, she will hold perceptive emotions ranging from nothing to moderate or unemotional.  With a relatively ugly guy, outside of the immature, vicious women who may choose to ridicule him, the majority may be emotively dressed in sympathy for him.  With a good looking guy, some will address admiration and inquisitive looks, and these are usually the strong and confident females out there.  However, if she doesn’t know this handsome man, a high percentage of women will act in the more belligerent manner.  There are many reasons she does this:

It’s so easy for him to look good”

So she has seen this naturally good looking, tanned, charismatic and well-dressed guy in the first bar she goes in on a random summer’s Saturday night.  She has spent the last two hours making herself look as attractive as she possibly can, and even then she has self-doubts in respect to her worthiness once she sees a younger and more beautiful woman.  The whole week leading to this night was based around her office talk to what she will wear, who she is going out with, and what is going to happen.  So here she is after all this build up and effort, only to see a guy across the room who has effortlessly arrived looking at least as physically attractive as her in relative terms, knowing it would have taken him a fraction of the time to do so.  Guys like this have it so easy don’t they, so it’s no wonder her immediate emotion is one of hostility towards him.

His confidence and swagger

There are some women out there who can possess an air of confidence, and they can portray it naturally, but if you were to scrutinize a man and a woman on a direct physical attractiveness comparison basis (they were both 7/10), then far more often than not the male example would show more of a swagger.  Some men can go over the top to the point where it is counter-productive, and they can actually repel women instead of attracting them, but if conducted in a genuine and balanced delivery it can be a game winner for him.  So whilst she is kind of attracted to his confidence in a sort of delayed way, her immediate thoughts are of someone who loves himself.  It’s another perception of bitterness.

Her sexual market value is no higher than his

Ok, she might not know him, but straight away in her mind she knows his value is higher than hers.  At the very least, it is even.  Now the most important part of demonstrating value in a woman’s mind is her physical attractiveness.  Women will secretly prefer a man who is higher value in as many areas as possible - with the notable exception of physical looks.  This is the main indicator to why observation will offer evidence to many beautiful looking women with average looking, but often high status, men.  A woman relies on her looks as her trump card over a man, and no matter how good a job he has, how great a house he owns, and how much charisma, personality and popularity he possesses, as long as she is better looking than him then she feels higher value.  Or she can believe in the fiction of it.  But place a good looking guy in front of her and she feels vulnerable.  At least a beta male, average looking as most are by nature, places her in comfort.  A handsome man gives her an insecure disposition.

He’s having fun

Again, some good looking men are as stern and serious looking as women, and they can show worried signs to how they look and how others perceive them. However, you only have to observe a typical night out to visualize men appearing to have more fun than women.  Men basically take their lives less seriously than women.  Some men may be acting a touch immature, but you will see them smile and laugh a lot more on a larger scale basis.  A guy will be with his male friends, joking around with plenty of conversation, especially early on and before testosterone levels increase in their battle for women.  In contrast, many women are too busy wondering who is looking at them, or they are in unofficial competition with friends or other women with regards to who is receiving the most attention.  If she sees this guy, she probably thinks “not only is he cute, charismatic and hot, but he’s also enjoying himself.”

Women are magnetized to him

Men who believe it is unproductive or damaging to their success in attracting women if they are seen in the company of many other women are believing in a misconception.  Women who say this is the case – that they find a man less attractive if he is being suited by women – are giving out false messages.  The truth is this scenario actually attracts women more to him.  Nevertheless, if she sees more women staring in his direction than the beta males are doing likewise with her, in her mind he wins this competition against her.  It’s only fair to say that some women do accept, and even like it, that a handsome guy is being a “babe magnet” without even trying.  But from my experiences it is the more attractive women this annoys.  She becomes aggressive in body language and giveaway expressions, and any attraction of admiration she has towards his physical impressiveness can go beyond effectiveness to him, and it can turn towards jealousy and bitterness.  There’s a fine line between love and hate, and it will depend on the strength of character of the woman.  If strong, it will further make her desire him.  If weak, she will move onto someone more attainable, and someone who reduces her risk of rejection.  To summarize this point: it isn’t so much the fact he is getting attention himself that distresses a woman, as much as the fact she believes it bursts her own bubble of self superiority.

He can attract and acquire younger women

This is the horror movie come true for a woman who is now in her mid to late 20s, or beyond.  If a man of similar age has looked after himself, by the time he reaches his 30s he is in his physical peak.  Not only this, but he has naturally pumped up his sexual market value due to higher level of resources, personality, charisma and status.  Women as young as eighteen or as old as fifty will find him appealing.  Women do not age as well, through little fault of their own.  It is just an act of nature.  Whilst she may not necessarily want a younger man (but even if she did), the likelihood is this less mature guy is preoccupied by the girls his own age.  Believe me, if you start dating a woman in her late 20s and she finds out you have a history of dating younger women, her emotions will translate into insecurity, self-consciousness, jealousy and sometimes even hatred.

She doubts she is good enough for him

Women of all ages, once in sight of a man they feel a level of attraction to, will have instinctive thoughts of how they view him as mate material.  This may only be for a few seconds in a bar or a supermarket, or it could be hours consumed in solitary thinking to how the guy at work excites her.  People have an immediate, but usually accurate, assessment in comparing their physical rating with the person they are considering from the opposite sex.  If a woman has primary skepticism to her visual appearance being as impressive to the outside world as his, she will often show hostile reactions towards his presence.  More often than not it will be justified by claiming this man is simply not her type, but this is only a way to protect her ego and hide her evident weaknesses.  A woman in this predicament will have a belief, rightly or wrongly, that a better looking man could never value her beauty as much as a lesser looking man would do so.

Male physique

As mentioned previously, women will seek a man to have excess value in as many emotional attractiveness criteria as possible – with the notable absence of physical appearance.  Whilst our human nature is primarily prone to view the face of someone from the opposite sex, our emotional inclinations force us to rapidly also assess their physique.  You only have to talk to a large cross section of the female society to get a grasp on their anxiety of their bodily features and profile, and this concern places them even further into the world of questioning their beauty.  If a handsome man also possesses stand out bodily features, he can find himself in a position where a woman could never feel comfortable in comparison.  A man should never be fooled into women at work grueling over, or talking about, men with abdominal muscles, a toned body frame and chiseled jaw-line, and believe this is the general conception to the man they would choose to date.  In reality, only the strongest of female characters prefer to be with someone who is extremely attractive in facial and bodily terms.  This said, an average looking man with alluring physique, or even a below average looking man with a good body, has far greater leeway in avoiding this kind of negative reception from women in comparison to a good looking man.

He can sleep around with pride

It’s the old age argument isn’t it?  If a man sleeps around he is given positive labels like a “playboy” or a “love legend”.  If a woman does likewise she is a “slag” or a “whore”.  It’s not fair, but it’s just the way it is.  If he chooses to live this life, providing he isn’t actually cheating on any one of them, then he is applauded by men and almost desired by women.  If a woman mirrors this life, she is frowned upon by women and men alike.  She has to disguise her actions with justifications of believing they were an item, or that he was a jerk she didn’t know that well.  It’s just another example of a man having leeway in this case, and most women do not like it.  It is an unwritten rule that a man’s market value in the sexual world is judged by his quantity of sexual accomplishments.  In the case of a woman’s likewise judgment, it is the number of high calibre men she can find to commit to her.

He tans quicker, easier and better than an attractive woman

Nearly every person, male or female, prefers to look at their reflection in the mirror with a glee of a sun tan.  It brings us happiness and makes us look more attractive and healthier.  Many men are now resorting to sun lounges in the winter, and it is a fair assessment that women by numbers will be even greater.  However, if a man and a woman from the exact same ethnic origin were to be compared, the man has a naturally darker complexion (Swami and Furnham, 2008). This makes the natural tanning process from the sun easier for men to establish.  Like looking good on a Saturday night, it appears women need to try twice as hard, for twice as long, only to not even achieve the same results.  When it is a good looking man who inherits a glow to his face, the ultimate consequence is envious eyes from the more jealous orientated female segment.  All but two of all my relationships were when I met women in the spring, autumn or winter.  The two who I did meet in summer months both possessed strong personalities and confidence.  I’m sure this is not a pure coincidence.

So if you ever encounter women being hostile when you haven’t even made a wrong move or said a single word, these are reasons to understand.  She is making her mind up about you based on nothing more than a negative perception.  If you approach these kinds of women then expect compliance tests of the highest aggressiveness, body language in pretending to not be interested, refrained response to your interaction, or rejection in order for her to protect her emotions and ego.

There is an argument, and I have even put this to myself from time to time, that it may be advisable for a good looking man who is looking to increase his overall success with women, to scale down his look.  This could be in the form of a more conservative hair or dress style.  Personally, I believe this is a bad idea on four fronts:

  • First, a man in this instance is more than likely gaining pride, self-esteem and, most importantly, confidence from styling himself in such a way.  This act is self-fulfilling, and it serves as a recipe for greater efficiency in approach, interaction and relationship situations. 
  • Second, if a man chooses to scale down in this sense, he is fundamentally changing his own predilections to suit a woman.  Whenever a man feels the need to validate his presence to seek approval from a woman, he is in fact lowering his own psychological value to below hers.  Consequently, any benefit reaped by comforting her insecurities is negated against this process in which he de-values his worth and projection of the power between the two.  Basically, any man changing his own preferences for a woman will produce a mindset that is convincing of a woman being higher value than his own.  With this irrational (or any level) of confidence removed, a woman will sense this susceptibility and turn it into a negative on his behalf.
  • Third, even if a very good looking man was to take this option in toning his presence down, there is no guarantee it will prize a substantial amount of reward with these insecure females.  A woman will first and foremost look at a man’s facial and bodily features in comparison to her own physical looks, therefore the less eye catching style will be negligible in the whole scheme of her perception.  Furthermore, exceptionally high calibre and physically attractive women (who are usually found in higher populated cities with more open minded people), or women who are generally more confident to date a good looking man, will view this average style in detrimental, rather than a positive, light.
  • Finally, and most importantly, is the actual woman’s characteristics in being this way inclined.  If a woman is already intimidated, hostile or jealous of a man with good looks, a more mundane hairstyle and outfit isn’t going to remove her innate vulnerability. A woman with a man of this extreme handsome circumstance will always be placing doubts in her mind with regards to the visual imbalance, even though she will disguise these thoughts with fictitious reasons away from the truth.  If a good looking man is of high value with a strong and firm mindset, he must ask himself if a woman of this weak nature is of any use to him beyond a short term experience in contributing to his sexual collations. 

To pick on the debate of style and its fine balance, I can draw upon an experience of my own during a recent winter period.  I purchased myself a designer coat that definitely stood out from the crowd.  In my opinion, it oozed style without bordering onto being extravagant.  When I wore it for the first time on a Saturday night out in my home city of Derby, it was apparent how many women looked at it with a sharp, abrasive and aggressive look.  It was as if they didn’t enjoy the fact it captivated spectators in the bars we ventured in.  Even a young man complimented on it, but he made a caveat to his comment in a way of stating it was “wasted” in a town like this. 

When I wore the same garment for a five day vacation in New York City, the reactions and genuine positive remarks about the coat were as if I was living in another world.  I knew this was the case beforehand – the difference in receptiveness of style between a small town and major city – but in the space of a few weeks it gave further proof to how young women, and people in general terms, can receive the same person and style with such distinction in dependence of the natives they are accustomed to being around.

As human beings we can spend a lifetime striving for perfection, trying to be perfect, and hoping to impress and attract people.  This is what we believe people need us to be.  When we reach our potential, strangely they are consequently alienated from us.  In the case of good looking men in the face of a woman’s feelings, it is often increasing her attraction but reducing her positive thoughts towards him.  Of course, it’s far more advantageous to have her attracted to him than to only like him on a platonic basis, but to have both is more preferable in order to have further success in sealing the deal with women.  He just doesn’t want her to like him too much.

Acknowledgements and further reading

Furnham, A. and Swami, V. (2008). The naked woman and man.  The psychology of physical attraction, 4, 46-47.

Saturday 7 June 2014

Beauty dumped by the beast

“Never believe someone who mentions the phrase of beauty being in the eye of the beholder.  They are people questioning the credibility and happiness of their choices.”

The recent high profile split of two former world number ones in their respective sports - Rory McIlroy and Caroline Wozniacki - may have raised a few eyebrows in the sporting world and afar.  It may well have risen further scratching of the head when it was revealed that the male golf star instigated and decided on jettisoning from his female tennis star fiancé.  McIlroy referenced how the writing of wedding invitations made him acknowledge that he wasn’t ready for this level of commitment.  Defining words from his statement included,
"The wedding invitations issued at the weekend made me realise that I wasn't ready for all that marriage entails.

Some people, mainly women, will say how foolish McIlroy has been.  When they started dating in the summer of 2011, I very much think that men looking in would have been saying words along the lines of “how the hell has an ugly dude bagged her”, whilst women were more generous in the way of “don’t they make a cute couple?”  Ultimately, the male voice victimizes a woman for significantly “dating down”, whilst the female voice attempts to justify why they do what they do – hence picking out lesser looking men.
Whilst women do prefer to be with men less physically attractive then they are (typically a man who is 10% to 15% below her), it isn’t often by the 40% margin that can be seen with McIlroy and Wozniacki.  She is very cute bordering on lower end hotness, and although my strict rating places her at 7.75/10, I could be nudged a little to give an 8/10 overall physical attractiveness grade.  Rory, bless his millions in the bank, couldn’t ask for more than 5.75/10 in looks absolution.  Bear in mind that his 5ft 9 inches height stature stands him a full inch shorter than her.  When she wore high heels, it really was an amusing viewing when she towered over him.

Of course when a man is one of the wealthiest, talented and marketable figureheads in the whole sporting arena, physical looks allow an upgrade of this magnitude that almost dismisses any question marks.  In the world of fame and fortune, I bet you can think of inundated dynamics – beautiful woman with much uglier man – that spring to mind.  Add in the fact that women, even the highest profile women, do take subconscious and conscious avenues towards being with a man who is less physically attractive, and voila, here you have a production in the making of Rory and Caro. 

That said, you will see a higher percentage of women in the celebrity world with men of similar looks level than you would in the “real world”.  

  • One reason is because women are attracted to men of high status, irrespective to his good, bad or indifferent physical looks.  A man’s status and wealth can lead a woman in taking oversight to her nagging feelings of his blessed looks. 
  • Another reason is due to many famous women needing to maintain their credibility rating in the eyes of the world.  There will be one or two advising words from management teams about how her future profile and earnings could be enhanced if she is seen with some male arm candy.
  • Finally, high profile women are, in theory, more confident of their own value than the average woman off the street.  They will not be, hypothetically speaking, as basked in high insecurity and low trust levels when belonging to an physically admirable male sexual partner. 
Nevertheless, and with total comprehension that celebrity life is a poor example of what goes on in the sexual market for everyday folk, McIlroy does offer some good illustrations to how men in these situations can consider the path going forward.  Although I’m in little doubt that he thought he had won the lottery when he found her willing to date him, a period of 3 years (which is a small timeframe in the whole consideration of an indefinite relationship), has brought about a lack of appreciation on his part. 

Wozniacki is encroaching her 24th birthday, and although she still looks mighty fine, take a look at her when she was 19 or 20.  Although in negligible amounts, I don’t think she is as eye catching now as she was then.  A woman who hasn’t birthed children should be reaching her beauty peak in the mid 20s, in hope she can preserve it for a few more years to come.  If a woman is less glamorous at 24 in comparison to 5 years younger, there isn’t much chance of her taking a U-turn and being more alluring come 30.

McIlroy, whilst being a relatively ugly guy (lower average at best), has the world at his feet.  He will have numerous women falling over him, many who are more attractive in an aesthetic way than Wozniacki, and the thoughts of settling down with just one woman at this stage of life leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.  All men can follow suit because of the similar following reasons:

Bridging the looks gap

Men of all kinds can learn from this magical evolvement in father time.  Although they may feel like they have hit the jackpot when locating a woman 20%, 30%, 40% or even 50% above their own relative physical attractiveness limitations, this leverage of upgrading reduces over time.  I’ve seen it numerous times in my existence with couples who met a similar age.  So although a man may be with a woman who is 30% more eye catching than him in relative terms during their early 20s, it is almost a given that 5 years down the line she will only be a maximum of 20% greater than him.  Move time on to when they are in their early 30s, and the difference will be no more than 10%. 

Time breeds male appeal

Even ugly men become more “attractive” to women as they get older.  They may not become more sexually endearing to women per se, but as time goes by a man should increase his earnings, status, assets and personality appeal.  Throw in the fact that women do look for reliability, provision, dependability and husband material potential in future long term male mates, and it is no coincidence why women will always be seen with lesser looking, but perhaps willing in commitment, men.

Women want to “date down” in looks

To re-iterate, the vast majority of women take preference to being with a less physically attractive man.  This ensures their ego stays intact due to his comparative ugliness, but it is also a contingency measure for the female earlier and quicker physical looks decline.  So although a woman in her early 20s (but mainly mid 20s) sees her ideal man being only 10% less physically attractive than her, the reality is that providing she isn’t repulsed by a man, she will more often than not settle for someone who maybe doesn’t instinctively arouse her, but who will equally be reliable, loyal and faithful.  These decisions can come back to haunt a woman, but she will only abide by her present motivations.   

Nearly all women are fully aware of the above 3 points, and they act accordingly to suit these undeniable occurrences.  Unfortunately for the vast majority of them (men), men are lacking in the understanding of this process.  What these two contrasting standpoints form is a world where women hold expectations beyond what they know is feasible within their true and objective value, yet men give in to all this because they only live in the moment.  If a man finds himself with a much better looking woman, his default mechanism is to think he has to stretch the boat to maintain her interest.  He is over gratifying in respect to a misconception that she has given him a chance to be part of her worth.  Not only does a man not need to exert beyond the call of duty – as time results in a woman being less admirable to the opposite sex and men being more alluring to the opposite sex – but he is also taking away her innate need for challenge in earning a man’s love.  When he makes it too easy, her gratefulness slides simultaneous to when her resentment spikes.        

Only yesterday I saw the first woman I thought I fell in love with.  She is only a year younger than me.  In retrospect, I never loved her at all.  She manipulated, lied to and dumped me not just once, but twice.  She left me to be with a man who was not on a dissimilar looks level to Rory McIlroy.  At her best, she was a cute 7.5/10, and although I was not at the matured handsome level I sit today, I was still above her back then.  I remember crying in the arms of my mother after she departed the second time, as I asked how she could be this way after I gave her a second chance.

Although her figure was still in shape, her dress style stylish, her make-up unblemished and her nails as ever manicured, I had to sharpen my eyes to ensure it was actually her.  To me, she looked like an older looking woman who was maximizing what she possessed.  More than 10 years on and there were pronounced wrinkles along with lined skin, and a long way from the teenager I couldn’t bare a day without seeing.  I couldn’t quite see if the wedding ring was still worn (she married the referenced ugly guy 5 years after she started dating him), but without seeing him in recent years, I’d take a fair bet on the once 40% difference in looks between the two of them now being a third of this disparity today.

I know there are so many men out there boxing above their weights with women who are seen as far better looking.  Most of these men will be experiencing this luxury – in being with a woman more physically attractive – because roughly 80% of women are more sexually attractive in relative terms than 80% of men.  This is applicable on the basis of women being below the age of 40 (on the assumption the man isn’t 10+ years older than her), because it becomes a far more even split once this birth date is passed due to the physical evolution as explained.  Throw in the fact that women’s egos take them in the direction of lesser looking men anyway, and it manifests the everyday observation of women with uglier man dynamics. 

So in truth, and in consideration to all of this, men can be accused of trying too hard and exerting too much in the early phase of relationships, yet they are the more likely person to stray away at a later stage.  This isn’t to say all of them will adulterate or leave, because too many obstacles sit in front of their withdrawal paths despite the consequence of becoming less interested in their female partners.

However, for women who think men may read a post like this and worry that they will no longer be taken for fools, even for men who are with much better looking women, I wouldn’t be too concerned.  First of all, most men are not too observant of what may be in the future, and they become so infatuated by fresher female beauty that they stand tall, free and supplicated, with an open cheque book for you to take him for a sucker throughout those courting years.

But in the main, modern day marriage causes a man - who is less interested to continue with a failed relationship once his interest fragments – to not have the easy passage to move on without a care to the ramifications.  When it is a simple matter of boyfriend and girlfriend bond, a man can (even though hardly any do) move on to something else once his female better half is causing a life that offers no benefit to him.  Women feed off this positively, because although denying this reality until the cows come home, they respect men who stick up to them and who are not afraid to lose them.  But marriage surrenders much of this power, especially when there is an imbalance in financial contributions to what a man will lose once the courts and lawyers have bled him dry.  It’s strange how women say they want marriage more than anything else, yet then they love and respect men less once they get there.

Acknowledgements and further reading