The true description of a perennial jerk

“She shall love him for who he can be, and not for who he was. 

Unfortunately for her, he will always be what he is.”

I admire some attributes that jerks possess.  As a fundamental nice guy, I spent years believing women who fed men of my former self products of crap in the way that their continuous collisions with bad boys were through sheer misfortunes.  If any nice guy reading this could take only one beneficial piece of advice from this blog, he should never believe another woman stating these words for the remainder of his life.  

But if this nice guy should choose to go one step further, he would be well guided to see why women primarily are drawn to jerks.  It isn’t due to a man being a jerk, per se.  It is down to the firm attitude in prioritizing his own life, objectives, agendas and interests ahead of any woman tracking him down.  Women, deny it as they will, feed positively off this care-free demeanour.  Nice guys – who are charitable and selfless in their ways – are left wondering why they put more than twice as much in, only to get less than half back in return.

It often makes me chuckle inside when I hear office girls referring to certain men as jerks.  As well as being probably the only person who knows they will have some burning desire for him due to the simple reference of “jerk” coming out of their mouths, I also can see a man for who he truly is when it comes to poignant encounters with his girlfriend or wife.  You only have to observe the two of them at the annual Christmas party to establish this.  So from where I’m standing, you have a lot of men acting like schoolboy bullies in the workplace, yet they are passive, giving, agreeable and full of trepidation when in the company of their loved one.  Unless I’m missing something here, surely, with improvisation on both counts, it would be better to process in the opposing way?  Of course, most men are pussy cats walking out both sides of the front door.

As far as my writing, study and blog are concerned, I’m really not fussed about the whole workplace jerk analysis.  For me, I look at jerks in context with their emotional interactions, intimacies and relationships with women. 

But what is a jerk?  A woman’s definition of a jerk would be an excessive nice guy who has slightly messed up on the 365^th day of the year in comparison to everything he did for her throughout the previous 364 days.  They don’t respect men of this kind, but the ego talks louder than the heart.  My definition of a jerk, and I would expect many of the male population would concur, is a man who cheats on her, talks despicably to her, and basically treats her like a piece of dog poo.  This works with some women, far more than people are led to believe, but it will have something to do with the better option in respect to the man who acts too privileged to be with her.  A challenging jerk is a more valuable prize than a lovely guy who she has in the palm of her hand.

My issue with women’s weak thoughts has always been with their apparent automated thoughts that the best looking guys (and I mean the top 1% to 2% of men) are jerks until they can prove otherwise.  To be fair, I can kind of see how they arrive to this perception.  At a younger age – 16 to 23 - when looks are what usually rule over anything else – males blessed with admirable physical attractiveness will have the most female followers.  Choices lead to selection, selection confirms pre-selection and popularity, and this only attracts further female infatuation.  One broken heart inflicted by one good looking boy can leave a scar on a girl for a lifetime.  Surely every good looking guy from here on in is a jerk, she says?

However, as touched on, the major playing card to become a worthwhile jerk is pre-selection.  This is important to point out, because there are many jerks who are low-life and unwanted characters.  Take a fat, ugly man from a council estate who has a grotesque girlfriend.  He will treat her like dog-shit, adulterate with other hefty women, and ignore her existence.  The fact he has other women on the go does illustrate contextual pre-selection, but his window will always be limited to female ugliness.  It would take a bizarre act of life for a cute woman to find him attractive due to his reputation for unattractive women finding him appealing.  But when you go up the ladders of the sexual market and analyze how cute and hot women work, you can see trends to how they view, and are attracted to, a certain kind of jerk.

During a warm spring bank holiday evening last year, I went for a few drinks in the city centre bars with a couple of mates.  As the clocks approached midnight, I couldn’t help but notice a particular man who was captivating the attention of women.  It wasn’t in the form of how someone like me captures it – abundant women glancing in my direction but then usually walking as quickly and far away as possible (btw, I smell great!).  No, in this case they were approaching him, flirting with him, having pictures taken with him, touching his body and even standing in the way of awaiting female competitors or peers.  The women ranged from mainly cute to one girl who bordered on hot, but I wouldn’t have turned my face up at any of them.  I recollect that in the space of 10 minutes, near on a dozen women had stood within a yard of him in hope that he had noticed their presence.  Out of all the women, there were 2 or 3 who looked like typical city centre attention seeking types, but the rest just looked the relatively shy and self-conscious kind.  

This guy did have certain features that stood out, I guess.  He sported numerous tattoos on both arms, he possessed a bulked up body that would suggest induced enhancement of some kind, and he stood at a solid 6ft 2 inches frame.  His dress style was effortless in style if not eye catching, and his teeth left much to be desired.  In fact, his face was little more than average if the truth be told. 

I later found out that he was a hairdresser in one of the city centre trendy stylist salons.  I don’t know exactly what they earn these days, but I would take a safe bet that on a good day of trading in equities I could earn considerably more in a day than he does in a month.  Not that I care about this, but it puts some further meat on the bones to the fact that perceived popular or well-known men do not need money to attract the opposite sex.  

You’re probably wondering what I’m getting at here.  Well, my point to all this is to analyze the common dominator between the referenced man and all the women who pursued him.  Answer: they were all facially better looking than him at that time they looked their best.  The social status, popularity, pre-selection, tattoos, buff body, height and average face all manifest to produce a woman’s dream scenario.  She gains the lot.  She can climb onto his importance profile, she can feel protected by his good presence, she can win the competitive game in showing the other women that he has chosen her, but most of all, he doesn’t steal the show from her in visual impressiveness terms.

In fairness, I have no actual evidence that he is a perennial jerk, as I don’t know the guy.  My hunch tells me he could use his profile to full advantage, as he seemed to be conducting the women in a method that suggested he had seen it all before.  Success breeds success in the projected eyes of most women.  When they know about another woman who has been there, they are far more often further attracted than repelled.  This is all the more pronounced with “towny” girls. 

With men, it is the opposite.  A man only wants the woman he is with to be an animal for him.  With equal female physical attractiveness scale, nearly all men will pick a woman with a low sexual history over one who has been passed around.  This is, at least, for girlfriend material consideration.

I know some of the women who were hanging around him, and they are all in their mid 20s.  Some of the other women I didn’t know looked a few years older.  To astute readers, you would be justified to challenge me on my claim that women, even attention-seeking women, move towards “nicer” guys with higher occupational status and providing capabilities once they pass the age of 23.   They do, but this is a decision and not a choice.  These are the women who can leave a nice guy most susceptible to infidelity and divorce papers on his lap a year after the wedding.  A handful of women I reference were wearing engagement or wedding rings.  I have a fair idea to how their respective boyfriends or husbands look in relation to the more edgy jerk in this story.  A ring doesn’t just work magic and cancel out any innate feelings women have for popular jerks.  Women of this nature want the cake.  They want to be able to eat it too.

But it shouldn’t be misconstrued that only “towny” exploitation girls crave jerks.  This is far from true.  The saving grace is that a more introverted woman is less likely to carry out the move away from her current nice guy and towards a jerk.  She is infamous for crying on the lap of the dependable but mundane boyfriend the following day, with him guessing what is wrong concurrent to her resenting him for not giving her impulsive butterflies or a challenge in life.

Q-tip:

A woman’s ego draws her towards nice guys, but her innate character requires an apathetic jerk.  Women will broadcast how they search their life for a guy to worship them and put their welfare first, but this is only the fairytale mind (ego) telling them this is actuality.  The actuality is, once there, that they resent men of this nature for taking away the functionality produced by the traits she was born with which is to work for, strive for, and capture a man’s heart.  When it is all laid on a plate for her, with next to no effort required on her part, it is only a matter of time before all the gratitude transforms into resentment.

But for women who genuinely do not hold desires to be with jerks or men who are likely to cheat on them, it might be worth considering that male good looks are not the given passport to being a bad boy as much as your tunnel vision assumption enforces you to believe.  Social status offers a man a far greater leverage to jerkiness and an army of female followers.  As no more than 2% of men can be classed as good looking, and less than 1% of men are blessed with extreme physical attractiveness – good looking, good body and above average male height – the sheer statistics alone make it a fair chance that an eye catching man will not have high social profile. 

Of course, women who use the excuse of all good looking men being jerks will probably know this circumstance already.  Could it possibly be that they use this reason - to justify not being with a man as physically blessed - in order to protect the irritable feeling that develops within that ego of theirs?  If so, you’re even one step ahead of me…

For the record, when I saw the referenced group of women in the next bar, absent of the jerk as mentioned, I saw a couple of them look in my direction with those “bed eyes”.  I hadn’t noticed them eyeing me up in the previous bar when jerk man was around.  I think this tells its own story.  Women are sexually attracted to the most physically attractive men when identification of other male appeal metrics is not given to them, and this process does not change in a lifetime.  However, when high social status is the known, and they can climb onto a level of his “importance” profile, the possession of blessed good looks for other competing men almost becomes a non-entity to acquire positive female projected attraction.