Sunday 6 September 2020

Caught between a rock and a hard place

 “We have to do with the past only as we can make it useful to the present and the future.”

(Frederick Douglass, The Meaning of the Fourth of July for the Negro)

This post is most relevant to men who are a few years into their 30’s and up to middle 40’s.  It is even more pertinent for those in this age bracket who look after themselves in a physical sense.  It still holds relevance to men younger and older than this age range, however as you will read on it will explain why not as much.  Irrespective of age, it in entirety will only be related to with men who have a few brain cells to fathom these things out.  I would tend to think anyone who reads this blog has more than a few of those.

I recently moved to a new gym establishment, in consequently cancelling the membership I had held at the former venue for many years.  Once reopening came about at my former gym post lockdown closure, it was like a ghost town with barely more than ten people in at any given time.  Half of them were pensioners.  For the record, the current gym I have joined costs little more than half the membership fee ($25/month equivalent) against the former ($45/month), and generally speaking you will find that by no mean coincidence the more you pay in life, the higher the quality of product or service.  The inverse of course applies.  Saving money was not a motive in my decision.  I felt like a change, and the time felt right too. 

There are more than twenty gyms in a small city like Derby alone.  Little wonder a few of them have not reopened since being permitted to, and the one I previously attended also went into insolvency (but has since been bought out by a new chain).  With this in mind, and like nearly any other city or town in the world where there will be affluent, poor and middle range social class suburbs within, gyms can be a reflection to what kind of clientele exist in the geographical network as a whole.

The two polar opposite scenarios with female physical and mental interaction

As I queued this morning a couple of minutes prior to opening, ahead of me stood a woman who looked in her late 30’s to early 40’s.  After I routinely said “Morning”, she configured the next line of topic.  We struck up conversation about this gym and gyms generally around the area.  I wasn’t even in the slightest physically attracted to her, although she was in reasonable shape.  Even in a few minutes it was such a comfortable and enjoyable chat, with both of us on a same wavelength and seemingly similar social class.  In fact, she said she lives in the village I was brought up in – middle class in general terms.  I could sense her disappointment when she saw me wearing a wedding ring.  This is a tactic I use deliberately, although not only, to not give women I am not attracted to the wrong idea.  As a friendly and interactive guy, a lot of women can get the wrong impression.  Women I am attracted to will, on an average basis, be likely no more or less attracted to me if they see this ring on my committed finger.

Nevertheless, as alluded to earlier, by and large low prices will gather lower income people or people with less disposable income to the environment.  What a low (or lower cost in relative terms) gym cost will produce is a younger and/or most likely lower class level of personnel.  In some cases, the younger members – late teens to early 20’s – may in fact belong to a middle class or even above middle to upper class family, however their own lack of funds naturally only allow them to a more budget oriented fitness club.  By clear majority, in any case.

Based on experience, what a man will then find is a higher number and percentage of physically attractive women at a lower paid gym - excluding the WAG venues which are >$150/month paid by their rich beta or (or isolated footballer) husbands.  The lower the cost, the younger the female consumer.  The younger the female consumer, the more physically attractive she is likely to be.  It all feeds through.  Whilst this in visual terms is obviously pleasing, like most things in life, every positive comes with a negative.  The big negative in this scenario is a lack of female personality and social confidence. 

Pre social media

There was a reason at the beginning why I stressed this post is not as relevant to men younger than 30.  The reason being is because any man above this age (give or take a year) will have, even if only for a short period of time, experienced a life before Facebook came along.  Facebook was the start, and then the feeder ground for even worse attention seeking and egotistical social media platforms.  Maybe you even remember a time when only rich businessmen owned mobile phones, and not every second person you walked past the street had their head held down in typing.

Whilst the world was far from perfect prior to social media (granted, there were one or two others I recollect before Facebook, but these were more just reuniting websites with very little emphasis on the self-importance mindset), the planet before mobile phones and social media forced people to at least talk to each other and develop their personalities and charisma.  Even people not blessed with intelligence would need at least a decent level of ability to hold a conversation just to get by.

This necessity of personality and amiability has almost become a none-requirement in the modern day.  Men, as the gender still in this day and age who hold more responsibility to bring in money and attain the best profession they can land on, need it more than women, but not even to the slightest degree in comparison to generations that preceded.  Women, it seems in general terms, have little need any more to develop any kind of positive persona or likeability.

So what does this bring about?

Simply put, the modern day manifests a young woman being motivated to look as good as she can, yet she spends a 24/7 life worrying what the world thinks of her.  Rare are the days a man can approach this woman and just have an enjoyable conversation.  Near absolution are the days when, to conceal her insecurity and lack of confidence, she holds her head down to her phone or places over-sized headphones on in order to avoid any human interaction or eye contact. 

You can blame it on social media, a lack of male fortitude to not kiss a half-decent looking woman’s ass, or just a circumstance of evolution, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because the end product is the same. 

Q-tip 1:

Exceptions do exist, but they are so rare and isolated that the law of averages don’t play well in a man’s favour.  I’ve met some young women with great personalities, and equally I’ve experienced unattractive women in their 40’s, 50 or even 60’s who have acted with body language antagonism, hostility, and verbal and physical aggression towards me.  But generally speaking in female age respects, the perfect balance is the physical side of the former and the personality of the latter.

Is there a perfect balance?

On paper, the best balance a man can hope for would be women in their middle to late 20’s or women who have looked after themselves in their 30’s.  In theory, here you have physical attractiveness combined with a woman who no longer takes herself too seriously, who isn’t as insecure or as self-conscious, and has realised men do actually like female personality and friendliness (unlike the false female projection thought process - in the opposite way where women are attracted to moody and aggressive men, to an extent anyway).

In theory.  I find in today’s world that women almost never desire (or most likely are too frightened to accept the candle is burning) to grow up in a mental capacity, so they try and compensate this by deliberately still acting immature and like the little girl they always were.  It’s as if by still acting like a little girl convinces her that time isn’t passing her by.  Women’s fondest memories of life will always be when they were most physically attractive, and unfortunately for them this occurs way too soon and lasts no where near as long as they would like it to.

Add on the fact that most women in this age bracket are already with, or lining up, the beta male to provide them with a wedding, house and kids to show off, and it’s no mean coincidence you don’t see many women in gyms who are aged late 20’s to early 30’s.

A final thought

I like to go to the gym early mornings – 6am in the week and 8am at weekends (not every day) to get it out the way – therefore this may have a lot to do with my next thought.  What gyms, at least early in the morning but later on too, derive is a false representation of gender physical attractiveness.  In general terms, if you picked a random thousand women and a thousand random men aged 18 to 35, there would be four to five times as many physically attractive women as there would be men.   The mean female grade would be at least a level higher between both groups of a thousand as well.

With this in mind, why is it there are considerably more physically attractive men than women in the gym? 

  • One reason is as already implied – women (especially attractive women) will tend to avoid public gatherings where they look their least physically attractive (without make-up, hair not brushed well etc).  A higher number and percentage of women will train in the evening.
  •  Another reason is women aren’t as prone to work hard for things.  To get the best results you need to attend the gym regularly and train to your limit – something men in life are innately born to do and conversely women expect it is given to them for free. 
  • Women aren’t as confident as men when alone and with nobody to talk to (“What will the world think of me if I’m on my own!?”).  Therefore, unless she has a routine female workout partner, her inclination to attend and insecurity of lonesome travelling is low and high respectively.
  • On a similar “safety in numbers” psychology to the above, many women will only attend the gym to do a spin class or similar.  With this concept, you don’t see these women in the gym, per se.
  • Once a woman finds a man she is happy to be with, whether this is genuine passion to be with him or simple boyfriend validation requirement she is going through, women are more likely to quit anything that requires hard work or a motivation to look as good.  Most women will know that the men they are with will stay with them even if she puts on a few pounds. 

A final, final thought

You will also find more than a fair share of women who will only train with their male boyfriends.  Women of this nature are symbolic to women who cannot bear to be in an environment with other women to compete with, so they hang around other men to negate this irritable feeling.  It is the same dynamic to the perennial woman who never (or rarely) goes out with her female friends, and in substitute prefers to go out with her boyfriend and his mates.

I can understand it from the female perspective as explained above – it masks over her insecurity and gives her the attention she craves for.  What I can’t understand is why any man would go along with this on a regular basis?  First, surely the best relationships are where you have some distance between – hence you don’t live in each other’s pockets and have more to talk about when you are together?  Second, there can’t be a man who has ever set foot in a gym in his life who can honestly say he had a better and more productive workout when training with his girlfriend than in contrast to working out on his own?

What this all boils down to is a man equally as insecure as his girlfriend, but in a different manner.  Whereas she is insecure in so far as fear of being on her own and not having any attention in an environment with other women around, he is insecure because he is worried that she has eyes on other (and more sought after) men and she will be approached by them.  Quite sad really.

Q-tip 2:

As I always say, if a woman is going to cheat on you, she will find a way, time and place to do so.  No amount of clinging onto her and tracking her every move will mitigate this, especially over a period of time.  If a woman cheats on a man, any half-witted male human being will be able to pick up on this.  And if she does cheat on you (outside of marriage in the main), she has done you a favour in allowing you to not commit any further to a garbage excuse of a woman.  Comprenez vous?