Friday 16 December 2022

Trust women at your peril

“When the forest burns down, the ashes seeds the green shoots.”


On the basis this man is telling the truth (and unlike women who go hunting for drama and sympathy, there is no reason to doubt the integrity of his words), this story can only bring a sickening feeling to any person who owns a moral heartbeat to their name.

My happiest memory unfortunately is also my most painful.

The girl I had been dating for many years got pregnant, she confessed to me she had sex with two other guys without protection. She had always been on the pill but ran out and was irresponsible about getting it refilled. She did not tell any of us three, and so all of a sudden there were three contenders for the kid’s father.

Based on the timing one of the guys was very unlikely to be the father. And my girl told me that the other guy’s doctor told him he was not capable of having kids due to some issue.

I stepped up and supported her through the pregnancy, I was the one who picked out his name even. When he was born all my paternal instincts just turned on like a faucet. He looked EXACTLY like my baby pictures. I just knew in my heart he had to be mine. It was the happiest I had ever felt.

I held him and he reached up and grabbed my pinky finger with his little hand. His first action in this world was reaching for me and I just lost it. I was bawling and I knew without a doubt he was mine and I would die for him without a second thought.

9 months later I decided to put my mind at ease and do a DNA test. It was just to confirm what I already knew, that I was his dad.

I was sitting in my Senior engineering class when I got the email for the results on my phone. Excited to get my confirmation I open it right away. The results showed there was 0% chance I was the father. I just walked out and sat in my car and cried, I was devastated.

Apparently the mom had tricked me. The other guy’s timing wasn’t off and that one guy’s doctor telling him he couldn't have kids was a lie. She just thought I was the best option and thought she could get me attached to the kid before I discovered he wasn’t mine.

I still loved the kid but the anger and bile I felt towards the mom was crippling. I just couldn’t forgive her. I had to say goodbye to them both.

It’s confusing because I can look back on that moment and recognize it was the happiest I had ever felt. But just thinking about it causes me immense pain. Even now 5 years later I’m having to wipe away tears as I write this.

My immediate thoughts

I hope for this man’s sake, and for other men who have either suffered similar ill fate or men who possess a too forgiving and compassionate character that places them in potential vulnerability in making the same error of judgement, if nothing else he/they can learn from this huge lapse of clear thinking at the time.  People, and mainly women, will tell men that love is a by-product of trust.  I say, earn my trust first and then I may love you should that trust be warranted.

The first surprising thing that comes to mind is that the woman confessed to sleeping with two other men during a simultaneous timeframe to Geordan.  This only leads me to conclude that there was no way she could have hidden this from him, and maybe they all resided in a small town “everyone knows everyone” kind of place.  Unless she is a woman who is so into her own self-importance – and could not hold herself from bragging about three men being so attracted to her at the same time (and these women do exist even in such drastic scenarios, albeit if in minority) – any sane woman would not tell the man anything about other men if she has pencilled him in as the “Dad”.  Of course, she could just be entirely honest and hold integrity, but then would you believe that if she is a woman who sleeps with other men with clearly little, or no, remorse?

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                         A woman attains an irresistible and uncontrollable urge to brag and inflate her self-importance to the world, but it will usually come behind in priority terms compared to how she can provide the best life option for herself.  Simply put, women like to feel better about themselves, but their survival mentality usually takes precedence.

With this in mind, I can only draw to the conclusion on this occasion that she had no alternative but to tell him there and then, in hope that (and as it worked out for her in retrospect, at least in the preliminary stage) she had a better chance of Geordan sticking around at this particular point rather than running the risk of him finding out when she was many months further pregnant.  Worse still, maybe admitting to all after she had given birth.  I am afraid, having done what she did, I cannot ever believe her coming clean about the two other men was born out of contrition.  She told him because she feared in him finding out another way.

Lessons to learn

No matter who you are, no man on earth with a pulse can be one hundred percent certain that his female partner – whether it is his girlfriend, fiancĂ© or wife – will never commit such a sin like this woman did.  Nevertheless, there are actions a man can take to significantly mitigate her doing so.  I list a few.  Some of it is with justified critique to Geordan based on the information he has given, whilst some of the advice is more general based on assumption and generalization. 

·       At the beginning, ensure that your girlfriend knows you will not put up with her shit, so to speak.  Whether that be frequent moods, lying, flirting with other men, or talking down to you and making sassy but unnecessary comments towards you (which she will not do a second time if you belittle her back at the first occasion she does it).

·       On the back of the above but ensuring this is articulated to her with total forthright and not an ounce of doubt, ensure she knows that if you found out she cheated on you, there is not one circumstance that would make you forgive her and stay with her.  

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                Too many women hold an arrogant viewpoint that a decent percentage of men would forgive them should they adulterate.  Unfortunately, this mindset is with some justification such is the fact that too many men exist where they think no other woman will have him.                                                                                                                    

·       Should she still cheat on you in practice, walk away without a moment of hesitation.  Your heart will be aching, your mouth will be dry, and your tears may be endless, but I can assure you it is a better path than being a lesser man than you aspire to be.  Even if that is not enough, further assurance can be given that you will never truly forgive her, and most certainly will never respect her again.

·       In the situation of Geordan – where his girlfriend says she is pregnant but had been sleeping with two other men – in addition to telling her plainly that she is dumped, start to ascertain how long she has been pregnant in respect to how that sits in comparison to whether you were having sex around that time.  If you were having frequent sex at that time, then this may not be an easy argument to get out of.  If it were more infrequent, this could be your starting point to get out without dirtying your hands.

·       Believing reasons, like her claiming one man is unlikely to be the father due to timing and the other man is fertility impaired, is not good enough.  If she is cunning enough to cheat on you, she is most certainly devious enough to lie to you.  Tell her you do not believe a word that comes out her mouth, and why should you? 

·       If she is still adamant you are the father, then play the innocent until proven guilty card.  In other words, tell her that she is necessitated to arrange for a DNA test or/and get her law team involved.  If she knows you are not the father, you will not hear from her again.  If she does genuinely believe you are the father, then you need to be biologically sure before supporting her through the pregnancy and compulsory post birth child support.

·       If tests prove you to be the father, she will attempt to manipulate your mind that she has changed as a person due to this impending motherhood, and that the two of you have bonded in the recent months.  She will try and persuade you that the two of you will be great parents and can still be a great couple.  She will further try and convince you, concurrent to trying to make you feel guilty if you do not agree and comply, that the child will suffer if the two of you are apart.  At this point you must be aware that she most certainly does not have your wellbeing at heart.  Even the kid is not her biggest priority.  Her priority is herself.

As Geordan pretty much said, he was simply nothing more than the best option out the three of them in her mind.

A final thought

Stories of this kind can only leave a person to question life perhaps even more than the most cynical mind questions it.  I am a cynical person, but this cynicism, in my opinion, has only derived from being a realist first, and consequently facing up to such realities and truisms that exist in this sometimes horrible world.  I am actually quite a positive person on the outside, but I cannot ignore events like this which somewhat make me negative on the inside.

Like anything, you then must question the commonality of instances like Geordan suffered.  First, I still believe only a minority of women do actually cheat on men (although far more women would like to cheat on men, and even more women think of cheating on their male partner).  Second, if a woman is sleeping with three (or more) men in the same period of life, it is unlikely she will run the risk of getting pregnant.  Most women contrive a pregnancy when they know they can get a sucker to stick around, and when they have found a man with a decent financial standing to support her.  Third, you will find that most women who have cheated on men will have done so when they are still in their fun-loving days (teens to early twenties, and hence have no intention to get pregnant), or after marriage (late twenties and beyond, and sometimes after having a kid with beta hubby too) because she has ticked off that chapter of life and her husband now has nothing left to offer her for the better.

With all that said, these disgusting states of affairs do happen, and it is men like Geordan who have to pick up the pieces of emotional and psychological unrest.  Some men may not even get that far, because the whole turmoil has manifested to decisions of taking their own lives.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                    With the exception of fate that is too hard to compete with, most aspects of life are within your own control.  You cannot always control others, but you can control your own decisions.  When you control what you do, controlling others is a far easier task than when someone else was controlling the strings attached to your arms.


Thursday 1 December 2022

Money will never buy sincere attraction and love


                                         “If you refuse to face up to your weaknesses,                                           your strengths will never conceal these shortcomings.”


This will be a shorter post than usual, as quite frankly, five minutes of watching this man will fully illustrate three critical things in life:

1)    No amount of money will ever pay for a man’s beta, supplicated, passive, pathetic, cringeworthy and try-hard mannerisms that, in any honest onlooker’s eyes, are seen as completely and unequivocally negative ways to deliver his existence.

2)    No amount of money, no matter how vast it may be in actuality or pretence, will acquire a woman’s genuine love and physical attraction onto a man if he does not only see this wealth as an accompany to all the other (and more important) metrics he needs in addition to a simple big bank account.

3)    Money alone can, and does, buy women’s attention, time, and sexual offerings onto the subject man who possesses extreme wealth.  Nevertheless, this is simply and purely attractiveness appeal on his part that projects her towards him, and not sexual attraction, and not even close to ever being sincere love.

These few minutes represent everything a man should try and avoid in characteristic, visual, and partner dynamic terms.  I list an unexhaustive list:

·       Beta male epitome portray of a man.

·       Too try hard and seeking of attention (rather than letting the attention fall naturally onto him), assisted by stupid facial expressions on thumbnails and within the videos.

·       Expensive clothes that make him look no more attractive (just rich), and in truth, somewhat silly.

·       Making too much effort with the woman he is with, instead of the productive inverse scenario where a man allows his female partner to try hard to please him and fear losing him.

·       Him leaning into her, when it should be her leaning towards him.

·       Skinny, no muscle, and ultimately looking like a namby-pamby.

·       Weak and slightly feminine voice (granted, I have heard far more feminine speaking men than him).

·       Everything that, on face value alone, would lead a person with two brain cells to label him as an incel and mummy’s boy.

I read a few of comments that stood out. 

·       One person documented words to the effect that it just goes to show no amount of money can make a man an alpha male.  I agree with this, but again the caveat is if he does not do anything with his character to assist his monetary blessings.

·       Another person said that his girlfriend is a 28-year-old single parent, and implied that with all his money he should be with a 22-year-old, non-parenting female partner.  Whilst I do not know, and do not care, if this information is true or not, the commenter’s reasoning is accurate.  Whilst there is a percentage of 28-year-old women out there who are every bit as hot as any 22-year-old women you will see, these are isolated exceptions.  Also, generally a 22-year-old woman is not as materialistic or demanding in fallacy or self-indulgent ways than a 28-year-old woman, even though bizarrely the elder of the two is not as hot (and hence, not as sought after).  As for her allegedly being a single parent, then I doubt there is any honest man out there who would desire to being with a woman who has a child from a previous relationship in comparison to a woman who has never birthed – all else being equal.

·       The final comment that stayed with me was along the lines of: “It is better to be a multi-millionaire wuss than a financially broke alpha.”  This is open to debate, but then why do a lot of women who live with men in mansions have affairs with financially depleted men who live in grotty apartments?  I am sure you can draw your own conclusions to the rationale.

Is extreme wealth even counter-productive to men?

I would never understate the blessings of accumulating as much money as you can.  Not only does it take so much pressure off life, not only does it allow you to enjoy life more in the form of buying and doing things that make you happy, but it also gives more leverage to put your middle finger up to people and society that piss you off.  It is no coincidence that married men with children by and large look far more stressed, tired and pessimistic than single men, or men without such commitments.

Nevertheless, the problem with extreme wealth is that it makes men lazy in understanding what truly acquires female love and sexual attraction.  Too many men just believe that a big wallet will captivate a long queue of physically attractive women, and they lose focus, if this focus was even or ever there in the first place, of how to keep a woman interested in him.

Of course, all else being equal a man with money will stand out in female eyes more than a man with less money, but the money only acts as a visualization in the woman’s mind of a better life for herself.  As she simultaneously thinks of a nice house, a big wedding, fancy dinners, kids in good schools, weekend nights with other similar couples of wealth (in unofficially bragging against each other who has the better life), and social media whoring to expose all the aforementioned, she actually barely passes a thought to her lack of physical chemistry and sexual attraction onto the man who will provide all this for her.

What is the objective?

What is the solution, you may ask?  Well, it certainly is not a rocket science answer I give.  The easy remedy is to earn as much money as you can, but ensure your woman earns in other ways from you.  Still make her pay for the occasional thing you do together, in acknowledgement she is invested in the relationship.  Is she starts to act out of accordance, in no uncertain terms let her aware of this and that you will happily move on if she continues in this way.  And there will be no tear in your eye as you do…

When I look back at all my past endeavours with women – whether short, medium or long term – on every single occasion the love and affection they gave me was not correlated to money.  I received as much sincere love from women when I was a poor student as I did when I became much more financially secure.  The only thing that changed was that classier clothes and a decent car brought more female eyes onto me, but I have never once construed that as someone who would subsequently love me more for this.

In metaphorical summary, money to a man gets him to a woman’s door, it will often get him through the door, but it will not keep him in her bedroom if he does not study what makes a woman tick.  If men are too ignorant to learn this, or they are too arrogant to accept the truisms that sit within female emotional psychology, then they deserve every penny lost via the woman who bleeds him dry.

A final thought – the modern-day man at his lowest point

When you take a look at the comments below the vlog, this is as, maybe even more, disturbing than the muppet in the video himself.  What you find is a vast majority – it appears 80% at least – of commenters (mainly men, but women too) who are kissing the ass of his fairy-tale life.  A minority (<20%) are happy to have the balls in telling him for what he is, which aligns with my critique within this post.

The reason this is so frustrating is because it is one thing to constantly click on youtubers, Instagram whores, or just general talented or talentless A to Z celebrities, but it is an even more pitiful excuse of a human being to then suck up and be sycophant towards the exhibitionist.  I sometimes despair to the general society we have predominantly become in this respect.

Is there a sign of this predicament going away any time soon?  Not from where I am standing, and in fact it only appears to be escalating year on year.  Women are accustomed to being natural followers and possessing a need to fit in to the in-crowd and what is popular (even if they in fact do not like what they see or do), therefore whilst I do not like this situation, female kiss assing of both other women and men is a little more forgiving.

However, when it derives to men acting in the same way, my hands just cover my head.  What happened to male individualism, and in being the best man he can become without the need to kiss ass another man?  Do these men have no shame, and they are just acting this way because it is what women do and they believe this is the best way to enter women’s lives?  Have men become so feminine that they have just a defaulted brain function to act like women anyway?

Every person has their price to a better life for themselves, but I can assure you that you would have to present one hell of a sum of money to make me change and become a rosy ass kisser of another man.  I am struggling to think of any other scenario in life which would repulse me more.  Could I even look myself in the mirror at night knowing this is the way I conduct myself?  Sometimes money is not enough to compromise your dignity.


Tuesday 15 November 2022

Detecting a woman’s attraction or otherwise


“When you allow yourself to hate the game, the game has won the battle against you.”


It appears to me that if you asked the random man on the street (and I would say this applies to >90% of men), he would have little idea or comprehension regarding a woman’s projected feelings onto another man based on her facial expression.  Some men may, on gut reaction, have a grasp of the good or bad and positive or negative of this female expression, and they may in fact­ be right more than they are wrong, but I believe so few men have an understanding when it derives to the emotional psychology behind what forces her face to express the way it does.

The main caveat

The problem with an all-size fits analysis of this observation is that a woman’s reception of a man in her close vicinity, or a man who approaches her, will be influenced by a few factors.  What kind of mood is she in at that particular time?  Is she feeling confident, attractive and sexy during those moments, or not?  Where does she there and then sit in her menstrual cycle?  Is she in the comfort of her other friends (female or male) at the time you are nearby, or is she alone?  Does she possess intelligence, personality, and an ability to hold a conversation with someone not in her friendship network, or is she, with respect, a bit dense in articulation terms?

Unsurprisingly to many readers I expect, I believe the heaviest weighted component dictating how a woman’s face will uncontrollably default is down to said man’s physical attractiveness in comparison to her.  Exceptions will exist, just like in any walk of life.  Occasionally a fat and ugly woman may be pleasant towards a very good-looking man, and an extremely attractive woman may be unpleasant in the face of an above average (but not great) looking man.  I use these two examples with knowledge of the two most common female reactions you will see – ugly women being acrimonious towards the best-looking men, and hot women being very friendly towards above average (but not very good-looking) men – therefore when the inverse applies in both scenarios, it is very much the exception rather than the norm. 

Before we visit the images, it is critical to emphasize that all the explanations are based on exampled woman not knowing the man on a personal basis.  Sure, she may know and have seen him within an environment, but they have never spoken before.  Further still, it could be the first time she has seen him.  The reason this has to be stressed is because, irrespective of a man’s physical attractiveness level, or her own for that matter, a woman will nearly always be much more engaging and pleasurable when interacting with a man she knows, in contrast to a man she does not know.

Furthermore, the lion’s share of commentary for this post will be dedicated towards how the woman will express when around unknown men to her who sit at the top end of male physical looks (8/10 or higher) spectrum.  This is because the pictured woman as shown will by and large be approached by men who are near or of parity (and in tiny minority cases, men even above her) in physical attractiveness.  Nevertheless, and as this blog has illustrated and explained inundated times, men below her looks level (which will apply to >95% of men) should not rule out the possibility of her being open to his advances.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                   Most men can attain women who are hotter than they think they can attain.  The barrier that holds them back in going balls deep and approaching these women is because their false psychological projection of their own way of thinking – in wrongly thinking women want the hottest men in the same way men desire the hottest women – makes these men believe said hotter woman will not be interested.

She is a very attractive young woman, I must say.  Judged on what we see (which will conceivably be photo enhanced and acknowledged that we cannot see her attributes from lower neck down), she is an 8.75/10 in physical looks grade in my view.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                   Most women like her will be with a 7/10 to 7.5/10 boyfriend in male physical attractiveness.  This sits in the golden 15% to 20% rule – where a hot woman most desires to be with a man who is 15% to 20% less physical attractive than herself (which is a bit more than the usual 10% to 15% on a wholesale female deleverage preference basis).  Occasionally, but certainly not uncommon, this kind of woman will be seen with a man <7/10.  On extremely rare occasions (<3% of situations), this kind of woman will be seen with a man 8/10 or greater.

Top left photo is 1, with bottom right photo being 16.

Photo 1, 2 and (less so) 8

No prizes for guessing, but she is happy in said man’s proximity and is quite keen for him to come and talk to her.  Her reception will be positive, friendly, and engaging.  This by no means guarantees that she holds hard ambitions to pursue with him, but she might have if he can show her there is more to his offerings than just his admirable face, body, and height.  With this kind of female facial expressions, it would be a wasted opportunity in not trying to move things on with her.

Photo 3 and 11

Perhaps not so optimistic as above, however during interaction these playful (and somewhat immature) expressions still give off decent signs that she enjoys your company.  My concern would be that she would express this way with any other man, no matter how mediocre he may be, and therefore it represents a “friends only” kind of portray.  These faces strike me as a woman being a bit of an attention seeker, with truly little action to back up her fun-loving exterior.

Photo 4, 9, 12 and 15

This is where a man needs to start using his experience and knowledge, as expressions of this nature can be construed wrongly if not on the savvy money.  Whilst these are generally amiable, it is now reaching the stage where her little mind is sending out internal warning signs.  She has started to question the kind of man you are, and that you are a player, womanizer, poor boyfriend material, or generally someone who is not what she has a natural desire to be for a male partner.  All is not lost, however at this stage you need to give her a bit of reassurance that you have been involved in long term relationships, and that commitment is more your thing than pump and dump.  It may well be, sadly, that she has made her mind up that she does not see a next stage with you.

Photo 10

This expression deserves a segment on its own, because this is the down the middle equilibrium when she is neither overly positive nor negative in her feelings projected onto you.  She is clearly sexually attracted to you, although simultaneous messages are arriving in telling her ego to fight against her heart and physical inclinations.  I’ve seen this kind of look more often than I can remember.  You may have just a few split seconds to try and get her away from resistance, and onto an emotion efficacious.

Photo 14 and 16

These two expressions may appear vastly different on face value alone, but her subconscious sentiment is effectively sending back the same communication to her brain.  Photo 14 expresses amalgamated attraction yet caution.  Photo 16 magnifies awkward attraction.  In the case of the former, I would hedge my bets that in the vast majority of instances she will now not go any further with you.  With reference to the latter, a face of this kind, to me, represents someone who just needs that bit of, in spite of being very sought-after herself, consoling that she is good enough for you, and she could still feel special when with you.

Photo 6

This photo is not dissimilar to photo 10 in terms of her warmth level onto you, even though to the naked eye it appears less favourable.  Like photo 10, she is here caught between a rock and a hard place regarding her liking of your presence.  She isn’t feeling hostile, but she is equally lacking in natural comfort.  Sexual attraction is there on her part, but it may well be that she harbours no genuine intentions to get to know you beyond an environmental conversation. 

Photo 5, 7 and 13

You have either farted with her standing a couple of yards away, or her nose is simply put out of joint by your near, equal, or even greater physical attractiveness in gender relative terms.  Although 7 and 13 are more aggressive in sight, photo 5 is not much better as it still portrays a woman who is not too keen to see you.  Other than convincing her that you are a multi-millionaire and of high status, there is next to no chance of you turning this round into a successful conclusion.  Even your dollars and profile may not be enough, such is her priority to be with a lesser looking man in need to feel better about herself due to his comparative ugliness.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         A woman’s facial expression onto a man is a valid and effective indication to how receptive she will be with him when the two of them interact.  A woman’s facial expression is only a guide to how she may respond, and more importantly how she decides to resume in practical terms, when he attempts to take things further with her.



Tuesday 1 November 2022

Gym discipline, remaining monogamous, and maintaining integrity


                 “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”                         (Zig Zigler)


Reader Rolexhandyman asks for advice on the above three topics within this post title. 

Is there any chance you can make a post about your stealth discipline on going to the gym, remaining monogamous and keeping your integrity no matter the circumstances. Thank you, im going back to your archives, as I read one article every day and study your writings.

I offer the following:

Gym Discipline

I always remember seeing a quick video clip from LL Cool J about fifteen years ago.  Even then he would have been knocking on the door, if not already there, of forty years of age.

Now without proof, I would tend to think there was a fair chance he was on some kind of enhancement juice.  I certainly do not advise or condone this, especially as someone who likes to get to destinations in life the natural way.  With that said, and with consideration to the health risks of steroids or similar substances, it is only fair to say that it is a quick cheat way for men to look in better physique than the demanding work and discipline it takes via the natural course. 

LL Cool J was always well known, in addition to his (in my opinion, mediocre at best) rapping, for his cheese grater abdominals.  Again, this would most likely have been heavily assisted by induced benefits.  Nevertheless, I can never forget his words to the effect that in spite of getting older, it gave him great motivation and pleasure to try and maintain his excellent physique for as long as age feasibility allows.

In a nutshell, these words stayed with me for as long as I have lived, and it has given me the zealousness to never be one of those men who starts to slack off, piles on the pounds, and be proud to have a notorious (although some women insincerely claim they are attracted to it) “Dad Bod”.  I let myself slip around twelve years during a six-month relationship with a woman – where I put on two stone in this timeframe – and I vowed to never let this happen again.  I have stood by my word to this day.  For the record, this two stone leverage was down to a bad diet, as I trained in the gym just as much and as hard.

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                     You cannot out train a bad diet.  A good diet is worth double of a solid gym regime.

In essence, this would be my biggest advice on gym discipline.  It is not hard to get a session in during a day that consists of twenty-four hours.  I went through a year spell when I got out of bed at 4.15am every Monday morning, before an hour and a half drive to enable a workout before starting work.  My workout on these Mondays were no longer than twenty minutes.  There is always a way to do it if it means that much to you.

Consequently, I believe that the mindset in venturing to the gym in the first place is perhaps as challenging as the workout inside the gym itself.  With that being said, dedication and discipline once inside is paramount.  Most of the tips are embedded in this recent post.

Remaining Monogamous

In a world where fidelity appears harder and harder for people to abide by, it is a worthwhile question to ask how I have managed to do so.  It has not always been easy, and as someone who has attained far more opportunities to stray than the average man, my will power has been tested to its limits.  Nonetheless, to this day I have stayed loyal to every woman I have been in a committed relationship with.

I was brought up by one parent who clearly adulterated, and the other who might have done so without admitting such the case.  The marriage was toxic, my childhood was forgettable (yet bizarrely the things you try and forget are the things which are hardest to erase), and the horrible memories will stay with me until my dying day.

Due to this grim chapter of my childhood life, I think it has subconsciously made me never want to tread on the same path.  There is a fair chance that the contrition of cheating on someone will impact more negatively on my mind than someone who has little remorse to their actions, no matter how despicable they act.  

Another big reason for never cheating is having the confidence that, if a relationship is fading out into, at best a parting of ways or, at worst an avenue of hatred on one or both side/s, I have simply made the easy decision to break it off before cheating on her.  This has even been when I have met another woman concurrent to being involved with my (at the time) current girlfriends.  In my opinion, too many a man holds the fear that if he breaks it off with his girlfriend, fiancĂ© or wife, no matter how unhappy he is, he will never find another woman who will have him.  This will be why said man finds sexual alternatives in the form of affairs or prostitution.  Very often, this is when he is having no, or little, sex at home.

Be that as it may, all the above comes well behind the main reason I will articulate in remaining monogamous.  Simply explained, there is no dispute in my mind that I have been able to refrain from cheating on anyone because I have had numerous spells in life when I have either been single in comparison to committed relationships, I have been involved with women who do not want commitment - and just desire a friends with benefits set-up, and I have spent spells with women where they have not indicated they want a committed man (even if they actually do, but pride has stood in the way of them saying it). 

These noncommittal times have essentially made it much easier to stay faithful to just one woman during and throughout a committed relationship.  There has not been a great need – neither sexual nor emotional – to go looking for anything else whilst in a happy time with a woman.  I am wise enough to know that optimum happy times with a woman have an expiry date, therefore I make the most of it when there.

Maintaining Integrity

It is quite ironic, because only a couple of weeks ago I attended an online interview where the first question asked was how I would define values.  The first word that came into my mind, and so I said, was integrity.  When I elaborated on what I meant, I stated that honesty, morals, ethics and sincerity is particularly important in respect to what I give, and what I also expect in return.

This mentality and approach is extremely difficult to uphold at times because there have been so many occasions when I question how so many lying, bullshitting, selfish, backstabbing, self-indulged and self-agenda-oriented people seemingly coast through life with positive results, whereas those acting with full integrity, sincerity, selflessness and helpfulness appear to have it tough.

With all that considered however, I refuse to drag myself down to the level of people I do not like in character and conduct terms, no matter how much it does sometimes come across as those who act with nothing but their own welfare process being the one laughing to the bank, sexual partner, or any other offering in life.  If I can look myself in the mirror with pride and knowledge that I have been best person I could have been, then that will make me sleep easier at night. 

A final thought – on integrity

This question on integrity has come at a pertinent time, because just over a week ago I had a dispute with the dental practitioner on the subject of a tooth that was dislodged during their service a year ago for which they charged me.  I asked for a reimbursement due to it being dislodged under their procedure, to which they refused.  Here is the main part of the email dialogue:

Dentist: Without having expressed any initial dissatisfaction or having disputed the cost of that particular item of treatment, the small composite filling of the Lower Right 1 tooth, at the time or shortly after, we are now unable to refund or offset todays treatment by the £54.

Me: Thank you for the reply.

I cannot accept your reasoning behind this.  In essence you are saying that because I did not dispute it at the time, the refund is not being offered retrospectively (as you are essentially saying that had I disputed it at the time then you would have done so).  I find this a bewildering explanation, especially as you have everything on digital record.  Once more, I reiterate that it was done under your service and not by my accident.

I would like you to reconsider once more.  I will honour my appointment this afternoon as I do not believe it is fair to just cancel at this stage.  Nevertheless, unless you meet the levels of respect and fairness that I give to others, I will fully reconsider any further dentistry.

Dentist: A refund may have been issued at the point, or shortly after attending for the appointments on Wednesday, 13th October 2021, had investigation lead to the conclusion that the filling had been displaced due to clinical error. However our un-editable clinical notes do not support that conclusion and no reference has been made to dissatisfaction or uncertainty regarding treatment that has been received and has endured since it's placement.

Based upon internal investigation of written, computerized notes and verbal discussion regarding the appointments and the provision of treatment we have had to conclude that it will not be possible to offer reimbursement or an offset in relation to the small composite filling, provided to you on 13.10.2021.

Me: Once more your explanation is quizzical, and lacking in any kind of integrity. 

You mention "due to clinical error". How can this even be a dispute? Did I pull it out myself during the appointment? Yes, maybe I should have raised the issue there and then, but bearing in mind the facts - that it was done via yourselves - I cannot for the life of me see why a refund cannot be given retrospectively. I think, if you are being honest with yourself, you would agree with this.

Your point about uneditable clinical notes also takes some believing. I've worked for many businesses - large and small - and I know each one has the internal discretion to modify when required. 

Once more, I cannot stress my disappointment on this matter.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                 When we breathe our last breaths, and we reminisce our last thoughts, the mark we made on life won’t be how much money we made, how much money we left with, the house we lived in, the car we drove, the people we socialized with or married or had children with.  The true definition of the mark we made on life will be determined by the difference we positively impacted on other people’s lives, no matter how long or short this time may have been. 

Saturday 15 October 2022

One step ahead, or many steps behind?


“If it means being different but happy, it is better than being a clone with no identity.”


It has definitely dawned on me recently how different I have become to the vast majority of people in the British society.  I doubt Britain is that much different to most other western countries with regards to the topic embedded in this post (and my observations when being abroad would back this up), therefore if this is the case then I must be different to most people generally. 

I am not even necessarily complimenting myself in this respect too.  Whilst I’m thoroughly happy with the person I have become, and I hold no interest in changing unless there was an absolute guarantee it would benefit and improve my life in a tangible way, in addition to making me genuinely happier, it has struck me how over recent years I have become unattached to the many thousands of people I see, or the hundreds of people I interact with, during an average year.

I list just some:

  • ·       Most people are obsessed with social media platforms, and how they can exploit their existence to the rest of the world.  I do anything I can for people not to know things about me.
  • ·       Most people are infatuated with their phones, in constant head down and looking at it as much as they can in lieu of any human eye contact with people they do not know personally.  I have my phone in my pocket as much as possible (and leave it in my bag during gym time or similar).
  • ·       Most people idolize celebrity figureheads – even those famous for possessing no talent - in order to have a role model they can suck up to.  I have no role models, and I certainly see nothing special in famous people.
  • ·       On the next level down, most people will kiss ass people they know in their daily lives if there is something about that person that is well known, higher status, or admirable.  I wouldn’t dream of doing this in a million years.
  • ·       Most people – both women and men - seek the comfort of being in the company of others such is their safety in numbers mentality.  Whilst I enjoy the company of others in limited doses, I prefer my own company.
  • ·       Most people follow the path of what society (usually unspoken) expects from them.  I certainly condemn people who break the laws, but I hold admiration to the minority, like myself, who do not follow the rules that society guides them towards.
  • ·       Most people (women mainly, but men subsequently follow women in seek of their approval) enjoy drama, complications, and issues in life.  I prefer a simple and quiet life, with as little drama in it as possible.
  • ·       Most people follow the crowd, even if it is a pastime or process that they are not happy or comfortable with.  I will not waste time, money or energy on anyone or anything who/that would not piss on me if I were on fire.
  • ·       Most people get by in life on lies, bullshit, and fabricated stories.  I like honesty, straight talking, and people who back up their words with actions.
  • ·       Too high a percentage of men have become too feminine, passive, lapdog oriented, and agreeable for my liking.  Concurrently, too high a percentage of women have become masculine, arrogant, unapproachable, and thinking they are considerably better than their objective value to the world.  This all goes totally against my liking.  I like men to be firm and masculine, and for women to be pleasant and feminine.
  • ·       Most people have no self-identity or uniqueness in their character, such is the default mentality as explained from all the above.  I strive to be unique and identified - stressed in an effortless manner and not one seeking attention - in order to know that even if I die tomorrow, I have left my mark on life.

When did it all come to this?

It is hard to pinpoint an exact time or date when people started to in essence be self-conscious acting human beings, concurrent to the sheep following mentality that brought about no, or little, uniqueness or identity to their existence.  Often with things that are transitory, there is never a defined start date.  The gradual process simply grows day by day, to the point where years later it seems like a different world to once was.

Not that I’m saying that none of the above bullet-point examples did not exist fifteen or twenty (or more) years ago.  What I would say though is that, without living or conscious anecdotal or otherwise proof, I would expect that things have escalated in detrimental terms far more in the last couple of decades than the couple of decades that led before.

In other words, I predict there was not so much of a change in an average person’s character between the years of 1982 to 2002, in comparison to between the years of 2002 and 2022.  Maybe those who have lived and studied this dynamic through both eras are better placed than me to comment?

What brought this all about?

The internet evolution in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s would play a big part in this.  Suddenly people were exposed to, and had access to, a lot more information on other people’s lives than ever before.  Whilst studying the lives of others may be beneficial to kill some idle time and add some talking points, generally if one person is constantly reading about another person’s far (on paper at least) more eventful and wealthy life, it usually only has a sad ending to the former person’s mindset.

Celebrity magazines (granted, these were around pre-2000) that emphasized the apparent fame and wealth of people in high places also did nothing to help.  Again, all this assisted in doing was taking the focus away from making the best of yourself, and instead taking preference to kiss ass those inside the pages.

Social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc – in my opinion played the biggest role in losing people’s individuality.  All this manifested an ever-growing mentality to be part of an in-crowd and forever obsessive knowing of what is going on with everyone else’s life.  Jealousy, back-stabbing, FOMO, fear that another peer’s life is better than your own – were just some of the poisons that could be spread from the social media phenomenon.  Nevertheless, all the aforementioned did not come close to how social media robotically forced people to follow rather than lead and be yourself.

Talentless goblin TV programs Love Island, Geordie Shore, Made in Chelsea, Desperate Scousewives etc – and the by-product of making people famous based on zero talent, falls only slightly behind social media in the demise of society.  Suddenly programs of this type gave hope to the girl next door with little intelligence or talent, that she could be the next person to make a dream life for herself without ever having to do a normal job and live in a world of demanding work and reality.  If she (or he) couldn’t make it, she would then supplicate to the person on television who did make it, most likely almost trying to live her own life as one seen on screen.


There is nothing wrong in having a dream.  Dreams are healthy when implemented correctly, as a substantial proportion of life is spent living in hope.  Hope is what keeps us alive, no matter how dark the day has been.  However, when dreams take over from reality, and a person has no plan B to compensate, there is rarely a closing chapter which offers a happy conclusion.

A final thought

I am not going to lie.  I have often thought that the life I have fallen into may not be what offers the best avenues to modern day women.  Some women will respect me for being this way (in fact most women will respect me, if they are being honest), but as modern day women are now far more focused and accustomed in their minds to be part of a crowd that draws in the most numbers – even if this means being with men who do not beat their hearts or wet their panties – then it has most likely left me playing the low law of averages.

So maybe I am the one who has got it wrong, in spite of believing I have got it right?  Maybe had I just acted like most men – with a lack of confidence, shortage of unique persona, low focal point of individuality, and high need to follow what they think is expected of them – then this would have led to larger pools of women than experienced.  Not that I am at all complaining, given the circumstances, but it is in context with what could have been.  I guess I will never know.

All I can say is that irrelevant to whether I was right or wrong, I can look myself in the mirror knowing I became the man, by and large, who I desired to become.  I guess, when all is said and done, this is the price of doing business.  You may not always win the deal, but the deals you won were acquired with integrity, and no need for a brown paper bag slipped under the table to your client, so to speak…