Friday 18 August 2023

What did you learn too late in life?


                 “When you miss a great opportunity, the human tendency is to compensate                      in seeking lesser versions of what you missed out on.”


This article of soul searching philosophy left me with a pausing moment, and retrospective contemplation to how it related not only to my own life, but other lives too.  I add my own comment below each of the narrator’s points.


1.     Looks absolutely do matter. It's biological. As a fully grown man I have come to accept this.


This very much depends on the gender.  For a woman, physical looks are very important in achieving the best life for herself.  The better looking a woman, the far more likely she is to secure a male partner who is higher in wealth and status.


For a man, physical looks are far less important.  Being good looking as a man should, if he is astute in life with regards to how to take advantage of this blessing, transfer to a more confident male human being which will radiate onto women he would like to have sex with.  Nevertheless, this is not his good looks per se that ignites the most appeal for said woman to pursue with him.  As has been explained inundated times on this blog, being very good to great looking as a man will usually be counterproductive in pursuit of women.


2.     Intelligence also matters a great deal. You will sometimes have seconds to make a life altering decision and no one will be there to advise you.


Intelligence is not a dissimilar explanation to looks, yet in a kind of way it works as an inverse dynamic.  As a woman, being intelligent is not hugely important.  It is not even close to being as critical as beauty.  The times intelligence is important to a woman is if she harbours ambitions to maximize her career and earnings potential.  Also, intelligence will offer her a better opportunity to being spotted by very wealthy, and equally intelligent, men.


As a man, intelligence is vital in so far that being intelligent will in majority cases lead to better opportunities for a lucrative career.  Therefore: if intelligence manifests money and status, money and status subsequently attracts the most sought after women.  With all this considered though, male intelligence in isolation is only truly important to (the very low percentage of) intelligent women.  As most women are not highly intelligent, being too intelligent as a man will actually put off most women.


In terms of having seconds to make a life altering decision, I strongly disagree with this.  Most scenarios in life will allow you to take a deep breath, ask for a night to sleep on it, and make the consequential decision days or even weeks later.  You could say it is relatable to calling a timeout in sport.  If he is referring to being put on the spot in saying the right thing at an important meeting or when chatting up a woman he would like to bang, then I would agree more that thinking on the spot becomes crucial.  With that said, the smartest people out there have a way of answering a question without answering the question, and still leave an audience or recipient convinced with the answer.


3.     If you have a positive attitude you will draw people to you like Gravity.


I would fully agree with this.  Positivity is hard not to be drawn to unless you a person who pitifully thrives on being negative and miserable.  If your attitude is positive, the vast majority of people in life will see you in brighter lights.


4.     You need to decide which of those people is worth your time.


Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.  We have all been guilty of spending too much time, money and exertion on those who could not give a crap about us and only are about themselves.  Conversely, we have all also been culpable of spending too little of our endeavours and concern on those who care about us. 


The best example of this life misdirection is in the face of women when choosing men.  How many women have you known who go running to, or back to, men who treat them like dog poo?  Equally, how many women do you know who treat men like garbage – men who have gone beyond the call of duty in trying to make her happy?


5.     Don't waste your time on people who will forget about you in half a second if you stop giving them attention.


Pretty much the same explanation as above.  Ultimately what the narrator is saying here is that you are dealing with an attention seeker and narcissist if a person is only interested in themself and what the world carpet lays down for them. 


I would say that, taking both 4. and 5. together, my biggest mistakes and learning paths in life came from these situations.  I spent far too much of my early life chasing after people (both women and friends) who could not give a shit about me, and not spending those respective efforts on the people who did have my best interests at heart.  If nothing else though, these big mistakes have allowed me to rectify what I should have done then, to what I always do now.


6.     Many peoples affection for you extends no further than their use for you.


Another fair and true point.  Ultimately, he is saying that people will use you until you have nothing left to offer them.  Once your use is done, they will move onto someone and something else that loads up a new arsenal of expectation ammunition. 


Once more, if you spot a person like this in your life, give them no more than what you need to in order to maximise the well-being of yourself.


7.     Don't waste time worrying about the past.


Whilst easier said than done, in essence he is right.  Regrets make you old, and bitterness poisons the people around you.  You cannot change the past, but you can determine your future to an extent.


The reason I stress to an extent, is because for every year I live, I have come to terms that a large proportion, maybe even a huge proportion, of a person’s life is down to what is written in the stars.  This applies for both good and bad things that occur, no matter how hard it may be to accept the misfortunes and tragic conundrums there and then.  It is almost like the big man in the skies, or maybe people who are no longer with us who we had an impact on their lives, are looking down in conducting good and bad luck in mapping out our destiny, and deciding which path we should take.


With all this considered, it should be an even greater reinforced mentality to form that you should not worry about the past.  Human nature will always dictate in forcing us to reminisce, but in the end our stress levels and misery are magnified by looking back, and our happiness and hope derives from looking forward.


8.     Don't waste time being anxious about the future. Life can change on a dime.

Very much so.  Whilst looking forwards is generally healthier than looking back, many people are liable to worry about the future too.  Whether that be a lack of money, possible loneliness, problems at work, or any other possibility the future may bring, fate will usually deliver what it wants to.

As an investor in the financial markets, I can testify for the errors people, and myself included, have encountered in overthinking, overcomplicating, and placing too much faith in what they believe is a certainty to happen.  Life can change on a dime.  You just need to be there at the time it does, in being mentally strong enough to cope with the negatives, yet not getting carried away with the positives.


A final thought

I was only thinking the other day about public speaking.  I have never been a natural, or someone who is comfortable, in public speaking.  What has made it easier over time, however, is having far less concern to what the audience think of me.  Some people will like me, others will not.  No skin off my nose either way.

I am a great believer that my life improved, in a psychological capacity, when I stopped worrying about what people thought of me in a general capacity.  I realised that I would never please everyone, therefore even if it is only a small minority of people who like me, I will not lose an ounce of sleep over the majority who are averse to my character.  You get on with your life, and I will get on with mine…

I have an older brother who clearly has grown to dislike my character.  If he had an honest bone in his body and he was put on a lie detector so his life depended on it, he would know my opinion of this is correct.  His body language and facial expressions when I am in close proximity to him is as negative, and even acrimonious, as two active eyes could see, and what a candid mind would marinate.

What is most disappointing is that I do not particularly like his character either, but the difference is I have always accepted it, and people of similar personality, for what life is all about.  It would be boring if everyone was like him, and likewise if everyone was like me.  The beauty of life, in my view, is the vast numbers of different characters that exist.

Q-tip:                                                                                                                                            A strong man accepts a differing character to himself, even if he does not enjoy the company of that opposing character.  He shows a way to be pleasant, amiable, and inquisitive towards that person, no matter how disinterested he is in them.  A weak man does the complete opposite, in living in resentment, jealousy and bitterness when an opposing character to himself is around.  And more often, he acts with a lack of interest in said opposing character, in attempts to conceal his transparent feeling of inferiority.

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