Wednesday, 5 July 2023

Life lessons in dealing with women

 

“The biggest lessons in life derive from your mistakes and failures rather than your triumphs and accomplishments.  You just need to ensure the latter evolves from the former.” 

 

I picked up on this article via a daily link that arrives to my inbox.

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Today is my ex-girlfriend's birthday. I didn't text or call her from past 6 months so today I called her. The conversation went on something like this....

Me: Hey, happy birthday!!

She: Thankyou. By the way who is this??

Me: Guess...

She : Adithya??

Me : Thank god u remember me, how are you doing? I heard that u qualified in JEE mains

She : Yeah, well that's not such a great thing to brag about (irritated)

Me: Its okay yar, not a problem, prepare well for advanced..

She: Dude, I'm actually outside now and phone's battery is about to die, so shall we talk some other day?

Me: How much percentage of charge is left?

She: Hung the call

Later I checked in whatsapp, she was online almost all the time. I had such a heavy schedule, but still I managed to call her and tried to talk. But the way she responded was so devastating.

This incident has taught me a great lesson in my life….

“Don't waste your time in convincing useless people because they never appreciate your value in their life"

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My introductory thoughts

There will be very few (honest) men out there who have not, at least once in their life, replicated this kind of mistake or poor choice of actions as the narrator does so in this scenario.  I know I have, and on more than a couple of occasions. 

Q-tip 1:                                                                                                                                         It is an applauding trait to face up to your mistakes, shortcomings, or poor judgements.  It is an incredibly poor trait to never do so.                       

With this said, the only way a man can learn to better execute in future decision-making with female interaction is to not consistently return to the mistakes once made.  You can forgive one error, maybe two or three, but sooner rather than later it is not a half bad idea to nip them in the bud.  If you primarily do not learn from your own life experience, and secondary you do not understand what you see with your own two eyes via others, the unwelcome news is there is not a better source out there to assist you.

The key mistakes

There are a number of mistakes this man makes, based on the information he declares in his shared story.  I will list the mistakes and poor assessments on his part, along with the easy factors he should have comprehended in order to refrain from this apparent poor common sense delivery.

·       On the assumption the ex-girlfriend never contacted him (it is highly unlikely she did, based on him saying he never contacted her), there was no reason for him to contact her in the first place.  I do not care if it is her birthday, in fact any man getting on with his life would have let the day pass by without conscious awareness.

·       Even if her birthday came before his birthday since the split six months ago, he should have installed a mindset that if this was the chronological case, she would not have sent him any wishes in the slightest.

·       If there has been no contact in six months, you can place your house on the fact she was getting on with her life, in conjunction with truly little (if any) passing thought towards him. 

·       Any woman still in love with a man will have sent messages of some kind post parting of ways, especially in the preliminary stages when her heart is still achy, and she is hanging onto hope that the two will reconcile.

·       The vast majority of women will not stay single for six months.  He should have assumed she is either in a relationship with another man, or she is in something more casual (but still sexual) with another man.

·       Why did he call her after six months of no contact?  At most, and still not advised, he should have only sent a two word WhatsApp message.  Her response (or lack of) would have given him the signs to whether she is wanting to get it back on, or she is after nothing more than a bit of attention-seeking for a day or two.

·       Her first reply of “Who is this” is an insult to a man who was once her ex-boyfriend (kind of makes me wonder if the whole thing meant a lot more to him than it did to her, even at the time.  Was he even nailing her!?).  If she genuinely (and I very much doubt this was the case) no longer attained his number on her directory, then this is not a good signal.  If she (as I expect was the case) played the plausible deniability card that she did not recognise the number, then this is also not a good sign – as a woman still into a man would not gamble like this (granted, some immature women do this just to play the hard to get game).

·       His “Thank god you remember me” line is dire in order to try and get a woman to like you in a sexual manner.  Any man coming across like he is grateful to be with a woman is a man who will not succeed.  A woman needs to believe she is at least as gratified to be with a man as the inverse.  In an ideal world, she is even more happy to know him than he is joyful to know her.

·       Similar to the above, he gets it all wrong by being the obvious chaser.  Women are more aroused by and attracted to a man when they chase him.

·       If you are trying to nail a woman – whether at interaction stage or in attempts to reconvene what once was – being called “Dude”, “Mate” or similar is not what a man should desire to hear.  If it was “Babe” or “Hun”, this is a more positive sign she may want more (however, do not take this as a major positive in text language alone).

·       As soon as she cooked up the desperate lie of a flat phone battery, that is enough evidence, if there was not enough present beforehand for him, to know she is bullshitting and is not interested.  If she had simply claimed she was late for a meeting but would love to pick up later, then it would have been more believable.  An average phone battery will have at least eight hours of life; therefore, it is somewhat coincidental that after a minute of conversation with him, it is going flat.

·       His “How much percentage of charge is left?” question is the mother of all desperation and supplication.  It is one thing to be lied to by a woman, but to subsequently come across as believing her, and further still clinging onto any last grasp of her existence, just makes a lesser man out of yourself.

·       Hanging up on the call, even for the most na├»ve and blue balls man, has to be the final nail in the coffin to any pitiful grasp of hope that the woman likes you in a sexual endeavouring way.  For your own sake, move onto something else.

Q-tip 2:                                                                                                                                   Such is the constant and guilt free process women take in lying to men (and lying to themselves and others too), a man will find it extremely hard to control a woman’s lying habits.  What a man can control is his pride, dignity, and decisions to bin her once he realizes said woman is a constant liar.  Take control of what you own, and your life will be a happier one.

Has the man learnt from this?

Without knowing the man, or without ever mentoring him in any such capacity, it is unknown whether he learnt from these mistakes, or he continued in the same exercise with the next woman he met (or God forbid, the same woman once more).  I can only pray for him that the pennies did drop.

He did seem to be incredibly upset, and for that he has my greatest and sincerest sympathies.  I have been there myself, and I know readers of this blog have been there also.  I can guarantee you that any man saying he has not, is a liar.

To his credit, he did write the corrective words at the end.  In essence, he is effectively saying that she does not deserve his efforts.  My only concern for him, and many men who act like him, is that they say the right things in not being prepared to be treated like dog shit by a woman again, but they rinse repeat with the same deficiencies when love encounters down the line.

A final thought

You may or may not have noticed, at the time of the man writing, that the two of them were junior doctors.  May I point out that a doctor in the medical sector – whether still within the education institute or fully practicing – are commonly seen as the <1% of professional, educated, and intelligent people out there.

Two things come to mind on this matter.  First, it further illustrates that no matter how educated, intelligent, or highly professional in career status a man may be, this does not compensate for his knowledge level of emotional psychology savviness when dealing with women.  Based on observing numerous men in this compartment lacking experience with women, I would even go as far to say that these men are the men who are the ineptest with women, and they leave the scene of crime with the heaviest hearts.  That said, a lot of these men do tend to go for less attractive (Plain Jane) types of women, therefore their receipt of broken hearts and sustained lying to is mitigated to a considerable extent.

Second, do not think that it is only lower class, lower educated, or less intelligent women who are most prone to lying to and playing immature games with men.  Whilst I would argue that you are more likely to encounter these habits with women in this group (such is a lower class or low intelligent woman’s greater need for drama, problems and issues), it simply reinforces the proof that, if it means moving away from one man and onto a better male option, a woman who belongs to this higher class/intelligence/educated segment will happily lie and manipulate until the cows come home if it means moving up the food chain ladder, so to speak.

Q-tip 3:                                                                                                                                         If you an intelligent man yourself, the only difference between a lower intelligence woman and a higher intelligence woman is that you will naturally find the latter more enjoyable to be with than the former.  Nevertheless, your mentality approach should be that you cannot trust one of them any more than the other.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Vinay, so this question has been lingering in my mind for quite some time now. What do you think of women using guys as pawn, to make their significant other jealous? I know this is apart of female games, but I have been used obliviously to stir jealousy, and I have been on the other side of this in the past. Where the women would try to use another male to get me to feel a type of way, and even though I know what they’re doing, it still gets to me. Is there real attraction or even a slight bit, if a woman is using a guy in such a way?

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    Replies
    1. Hi mate.

      You are spot on with your observation regarding women using other men to produce jealousy in their boyfriend (and sometimes even husband). Your eyes have not deceived you.

      Like you, I have most definitely been used as pawn before. I can recall at 19 or 20 when a girl (actually an ex too) I fancied was into another guy. In a nightclub I tried to ask her the question about going out. She (to my total naivety) took me over ten yards away to have this conversation. It was clear, in retrospect, that she only took me over to this location to try and get the guy she fancied jealous.

      I have also been the recipient of this infliction too - as the boyfriend. More than a few women have tried to ensure they catch me speaking to another man when dating me.

      From my experience, women use the pawning strategy when there is a similar physical attractiveness between the two men in question. A woman will rarely use a man as pawn (or attempted jealousy) when the "pawn" man is considerably better looking than her boyfriend. Similarly, irrespective if a woman is dating a below average, average, above average, or good looking man, she will rarely use a man as "pawn" who is considerably less physically attractive than her male partner. Simply put, a woman will screen for a man to pawn with when she gains best returns. In her mind, the best returns are when both men are of similar attractiveness.

      You ask the question to whether the attraction is real. This depends on the scenario. If she is with a top end physically attractive man (but this, to lesser extents, apply for above average men too), and uses another man of similar looks level as pawn, then she will most likely be sincerely attracted to "pawn" man.

      Nevertheless, a woman's motivation to use another man as pawn is far higher weighted by her self-attention needs, social status whoring, and need to feel important. The (unspoken and unadmitted) thrill of getting her boyfriend jealous is the secondary motive. The smallest motivation is her genuine physical attraction of the other man.

      In essence, a woman using the pawn strategy is fundamentally a prime example of false female projected psychology. A woman is aroused by and further attracted to her male partner when she sees him talking to another woman when she is around, therefore she wrongly believes her male partner will feel the same way in return when the roles are reversed. What women fail to realize (or perhaps refuse to accept as it goes against what their egos want) is that a man will not be more attracted to his woman acting this way. He just needs her to look as hot as possible, and as likeable and loyal as she can find it in herself to be.

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