“If you can meet success and failure and treat them both as impostors, then you are a balanced man, my son.” (Rudyard Kipling)
Sometimes a first-hand story from another person’s (caveat – not mine!) life experience brings the home truths to roost in a place where they cannot be hidden and ignored. Take a read for yourself:
I met this girl. She seemed to live a spiritual life, looking for growth. Said she did yoga, practiced mindfulness, and was 2 years divorced out of an abusive marriage. She was looking for someone on the same path.
Well, I was 2 years divorced, working on my spirituality and self awareness, felt like the perfect match!
We laughed a shit load, we took little trips, we both loved goats, we both liked to cook, we both loved fun socks, both vegetarian, we were both very insecure, we loved being in each other’s company. We talked of marriage, starting an AirBnB, getting goats, having yoga and breakfast and lunch at our BnB.
One little thing she forgot to tell me, she likes to lie, and i mean A LOT. Actually, I don’t think she can help herself.
She was never divorced, nor was she single. Who knows how many others she had, I know of 3.
Without getting into the messy details, it was a train wreck that she calls “mistakes!”🤣
A mistake is putting 3 eggs in a recipe that calls for 2. Not juggling 3 guys and taking on a 4th!
She will keep drawing straws to blame shift. She always says there was trust issues on both sides. That’s what’s fucked up!
If she couldn’t see I was just a weeeeee bit jaded from the emotional hell she put me through, then I can’t help her.
And in reality, after the first time, the other 50+ times were my fault.
I tried to work with her. But for some reason she thought running to other men was the solution.
She did have one thing right. I did change. When she met me, I was a caring, thoughtful, creative, trusting person. But I needed this, to be completely broken down to rebuild into a better me.
She was always who she showed she was, I just wouldn’t listen to her.
Lesson learned. I’m watching now.
Admittedly, a story of this kind can leave a man going through a misogynist, hateful or resentful time and thought process with women in thinking every woman is the same. This is not the case at all. There are still some decent women out there. The problem is, and many honest men would agree, that this percentage of decent, genuine, truthful and sincere women seems to be decreasing as time passes for every day.
Where that percentage sits is down to a man’s objectivity, life experience, honesty, rationalisation, compassion, and bitterness thresholds. I’ll be the first to admit that, prior to learning about women in emotional psychology respect (assisted heavily with what I experience for myself, and seeing what women do in third party situations), I would have judged women far more harshly than I do now. This might seem like a strange thing to say from someone who has written for nearly a decade in being forthright and unapologetic in criticizing women.
But that is what it is - criticism. It isn’t hate. Hate is a poison that nobody should let enter their life, no matter how far extreme the circumstance arises in negative terms. Hate only allows the others to win. Sometimes this can be construed as letting life win. If I could give any advice, it would be to never hate. This is closely followed in advice to never be bitter, jealous or resentful, although I concede these lapses are more forgiving.
This isn’t by any means to say someone should not be critical of someone or something. I actually would be endorsing of this, providing you are not going out your way to do it for sake’s sake. Likewise, be harsh when it suits. Never be afraid to speak your mind. Aim to not be politically correct. Finally, and most importantly, don’t follow the crowd if it’s something you don’t desire to do. In essence, be your own person.
A thought on this anecdote
As the man who wrote this life brief only gave us snippets of how this woman in his life was a despicable human being, there isn’t a lot more I can add. This previous post gives a robust explanation of the lies women are accustomed to partaking in on a daily basis it seems. And with very little remorse, it should be said.
All I will say is that to ever be good with women – and ultimately not allow them to hurt you as much in the future as it did in the past – you need to take a lesson from every interaction, relationship or lie you experience with them. Only then can you not only become better with the next one you meet, but consequently be far more relaxed about the outcome or inevitable lies, games and manipulations they will play with you.
I guess you could call it water off a duck’s back, because you are expecting it in advance. I’m a firm believer that the men who sustain the most severe heartaches are men who are too trusting with women, men who believe most (or all) of what women tell them, men who lack experience with women in not comprehending or foreseeing trends or event likelihoods, and men who never saw the day coming because he placed too must faith in her integrity, loyalty, faithfulness and honesty.
I’ll leave you with some items to expect from the majority of women you will meet in your life:
· They will lie on regular occasions, and especially about emotional topics.
· They will play the victim role in most scenarios.
· They will rarely (and sometimes never) admit they are wrong.
· They will find a way, no matter how far fetched from reality, that the man they are with is wrong, and she is right.
· Most women will not face confrontation or disagreements up front. They lack the maturity, courage, and common sense to face it up front. Instead, they will run to friends, sisters and mothers who, no surprise, will further fuel her argument that she has nothing to feel guilty about.
· No matter the facts against them, women will use fallacy to assist their argument.
· They will let their egos speak for them, no matter how far from the truth this may be.
· The smarter and more intelligent women will give snippets of the truth, in order to maintain credibility and pull the wool over naïve men’s eyes.
· They will find a way, no matter how guilty the sin they committed, that the reason they did this was for the good of someone or something else.
· On rare occasions, they will admit to their misdemeanours. However, assisted with evil female peer words and their own hamster rationalisation, don’t be surprised to later down the line see or hear them backtrack on this confession. A good example may be a woman who cheated on her husband, but when it comes to divorce proceedings, she claims the reason this happened was down to his bad behaviour or similar.
· Not many women (and this is most applicable as you move up the female physical attractiveness food chain) have an emotional equilibrium of healthy nature. They are either too high, or too low.
· Most women, as soon as they meet a man who they believe is long term material, will have a plan of where she wants to get to. This plan will rarely involve informing the man upfront. Contrived pregnancies are the best example of this.
· You, as the man in the couple dynamic, will often be a cast member in a make-believe movie she is forming in her mind. You have to accept, no matter how much self-belief and confidence you have in yourself, that what you are providing for her (whether this be in financial, better life or egotistical ways) is a priority over her organic feelings for you.
Female lies are ultimately part and parcel of getting intimately involved with women. It comes with the territory. Fundamentally, a man with experience sees these lies for what they are and doesn’t let them affect him in a detrimental capacity. Only when they do, does he need to nip the subject or situation in the bud. Sometimes this simply means walking away, for good if needs be.
Learn the lessons of life, as the narrator more than alludes to. There is no substitute for life experience. If you fail to learn from your experiences, then you should expect very little sympathy in return when the tears internally manifest, and the heart aches that little bit more than you would like it to.
Hey this is rolexhandyman.ReplyDelete
Is there any chance you can make a post on how you have been able to not make accidental babies ? What do you do to discipline yourself ?
I will do mate. Good idea, as whilst I have written associated posts on this subject, it is yet to be touched on in response to your request. It may be next week though as I've got quite a bit on this week.Delete
Just about to publish it mateDelete
Golden, beautifully written. I appreciate the effort. I am a huge fan of your writing. Do you have more of your work I can read ? I often find myself visiting your blog checking if there’s a new article.
Thanks mate for the thumbs up. Only this blog I'm afraid.Delete
I am trying to enlighten my younger siblings about how to approach their early 20s in regards to gender dynamics. I am curating your articles in a way they can dissect them slowly and learn without being overwhelmed with the information. This post acts as an introduction to your vast amount of knowledge on the topic.
There’s another article about your gym friend that got married to beautiful woman, later on divorced and nearly lost everything. I am trying to find it but can’t remember which year it was. Reading that article is how I discovered you. Kindly let me know if you can post link in comment.
I am contemplating starting my own blog to practice my writing. Do you have any advice on how I can exercise becoming a freelance writer ?
Thank you so much for your time Vinay.
It's ironic because if this is the post you are referring to, I relayed this story to another (gay!) man in the gym sauna yesterday.Delete
Yes, you need to extract little by little to them for ease of comprehension. In a way, the fundamentals are not as overwhelming and high in number as one may think, but I take your point about them being overwhelmed in the early stages. In truth, a man is only as good as how honest and objective he is prepared to be.
That would be a good idea about starting a blog. It definitely assists your writing skills, and this can never be taken away in any walk of life (professional, personal, social etc).
In terms of becoming a freelance writer, well I guess you would need to start offering your services to various business blogs, local magazines etc. That will get your CV moving.
What I would say is, have writing as a plan B rather than an assumption you can make a living out of it. You seem smart, so I probably do not need to tell you this anyway. Unfortunately for every half decent writing position there will be dozens (maybe near hundred) of candidates. Any supply and demand dynamic like this does not play in the favour of financial rewards (as it drags the pay system down). A bit like modelling, it is easy to think every writer (or model) makes loads of money out the profession. Nothing could be further from the truth, and the reality is that only a select few (<2%) make very good money even if they make a living in the industry.
Btw, I should have that post (from your question about a week ago) finished on Tuesday.Delete