“Sometimes even low expectations disappoint further still.”
If you are one of the many millions who plans to venture off in blind faith to see the blockbuster of the century, and in turn you are someone who detests a clue or two on the script, I’d advise you to read this post another time. What I can say is that by reading this prior to the big event, it will neither ignite nor reduce your “enjoyment” of the film.
The film critics were always going to be waiting with baited breath once their premiere viewing was available pre mainstream release, and being the experts of their trade, many of them may even had decided up front that Fifty Shades of Grey would be an overwhelming failure. Film critics are prominent in attempts to convince the Joe Blogs cinema visitor that they know everything there is to know about any particular genre. When one so anticipated is on offering, their teeth only further gain appetite like a Great White Shark sensing sea lion blubber after a week-long famine.
Nevertheless, for those who were critical, whether in pre-conceived or post objective manner, they would have been right. Entertainment will always be subjective, but when even women – many who would have raved on about the book content over recent years - walk out of the theatre looking somewhat perplexed and disappointed, I think this tells you everything you need in order to conclude. You have to wonder how the relevant directors, producers, actors or anyone else involved in the making of the film stand around when looking back on their work. Do these folk high-five each other, in total ignorance, comprehensive that the record attendee figures will consequently collate due to the bullet proof status the film attains when encountered by shooting journalism snipers? Let it be said, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is truly and shockingly awful.
The real life truisms in the film
I went to see the movie for amusement, entertainment, but most of all, as an intrigued viewer of sexual and emotional dynamics in relation to the topics I write about. I also held strong desires to see, with no bias or agenda attached, how it stacked up against this post written a few weeks ago. In terms of the reality versus fallacy face off that any film will encounter, I will give it a decent rating on the following basis:
- A woman (Ana) is far more fascinated by the aura, achievements, success and status of the man (Christian Grey) than his physical attractiveness.
- A man showing a strong level of apathy towards a woman in primary interaction only further increases her projected attraction onto him.
- When a man holds far more sexual market value than a woman, he needs to illustrate a degree of interest in the woman he wants to bang. This was seen in Ana’s interview, where Grey started to ask questions about her.
- Intrigue, mystique and a refrained urge to reveal too much about himself will only have positive results on a woman’s sexual predilections. Men who show their cards too soon, too excessively and too blatantly are the men who dry female underwear without the need of a tumble dryer.
- Women are far happier and invested when they chase the man, but their egos and prides (especially with women younger than 35) usually stand in the way of carrying this out. With this in mind, and despite all his blessings, Grey still needed to incorporate the pre sex stage proactivity.
- Women love a dominant man who is a leader in as many directives as possible.
- Women love a man who is selfish and puts himself first.
- Women love a man who knows what he wants, who is only prepared to compromise to a point, and who acknowledges, without actually saying the words, that she is fortunate to be with him. A man doesn’t need to be good looking and a billionaire to carry this simple task out.
- Nice guys – like Ana’s college friend – who smile too broadly, act too happily, and produce suck up ways towards a woman’s existence, stand no chance when the target woman has options and is at a younger age. Ana is cute but no oil painting, yet her 7/10 looks rating, combined with her early 20s freshness, will always produce plenty of options in the dating field. It isn’t until this equivalent woman gets older and less eye catching that she will settle for low in demand nice guys like who supplicate and make her feel special to the world.
- Grey, especially in the early stages of their interaction, but beyond this too, barely ever smiles in the presence of Ana. Her subconscious smiles and giggles outweigh his isolated exhilaration by 10:1 in number. In general terms, this is exactly how a man should facially express – slight moodiness, apathetic consideration, but with occasional smirks. He hardly ever smiles with his teeth showing. Again, only when she tries to get closer – hence proof of her investment in him – does he repay with a more gleeful look.
- A man will be far more prudent in showing very little emotional investment in a woman until they are in a sexual relationship. It is far easier to keep a woman interested by maintaining her pursued attempts to find a way into his heart, rather than to know she has him in the palm of her hands from day one. If men who spend too much time, effort, money and emotion on a woman can relate to never actually sleeping with her, or only receiving a bare minimum that is not in tandem with the exertion, go and watch the film for this reason alone.
- Men who remain in women’s minds and hearts are men who are selfish towards their own sexual requirements. Women’s egos like men who make love, but women’s vaginal beats like a man who prioritizes his own needs and relinquishments with sex on his terms.
- A fertile man’s ideal woman closely aligns with the contract that Grey assigns to Ana. That is, he primarily wants her as a sex object and only holds desires to spend companion time to a minimum. Even the literal side by side sleeping together he states as a non-abiding clause is a hassle, because you always sleep better on your own. Nearly any man would sign up to this if he acquired such luxury. Most men don’t, so they take the full package of the woman in hope the sex remains.
- Men with low options become clingy and possessive. Despite Grey’s fairytale life of the man who has it all, his unconventional sexual needs allow his mind to believe Ana is the only woman in the world who will abide by the rules. This “oneitis” mentality relinquishes much of his power in the relationship, and it gets to the point where he is pursuing her and she has him more on a stick. Any man harbouring ambitions to be successful with women should view them as interchangeable.
I predicted that most women would not go to see Fifty Shades with their male partners. It turns out I was a touch conservative on this hunch of mine.
The first thing that surprised me was, of an approximate 400 seated capacity, it was barely half full. This was despite it being at prime evening time on the first UK public showing date. When I looked around, I only saw one other man in the vicinity. I’m sure there were others, but the bulk crowd was made up of women in their late 30s and 40s. There were a couple of decent looking younger women who accompanied their mothers, but by and large it was clear to see that this particular audience consisted of the typical female purchaser who fascinated over the book version.
These women, whether they admit it or not, appeared a little awkward from what I could sense in the vibe. Sure, in the early stages they carried out the usual troll scoring “look at his hot bod” comments followed by a few “get in on” kind of chants during the first sex scene, yet it was undeniable and unavoidable to see how the mood sedated as the film developed.
Part of me thinks their somber mood was down to the fact that Dakota Johnson has a trim and toned body. The amount of times she got naked almost bored me, so goodness knows how the average overweight woman would feel looking on. I tend to think, that as a reader of a hard-back copy, a woman can allow her mind to flow with the fairies and visualize she is the woman being taken to another planet by the endearing high status alpha male. A film changes this fascination, because the perennial British hefty whale, trying to act out the lead role in her own mind, will see a female body that is a dietary wholesale modification from her own.
The other critical part to the film is that women actually saw Grey’s sexual experimentations rather than imaging it. Again, they will have ascertained an idea from the book with regards to the relative equipment he uses, but I sensed a transition from arousal to shame as the film moved from the first minute to the last. It was almost cringe worthy during the last sex scene when he spanked her across the arse as hard as possible for six times. There is a fine line between optimized arousal and a woman coming across as cheap, and this particular part of the film most certainly crossed over to the latter. As I’ve documented in this blog before, most modern day women will take care of their egos ahead of their hearts and sexual thoughts. If a woman sees this, I would place big money on her on taking a distaste to the reality.
So after seeing the two hour long debacle, I come away from it with conclusions of tackiness, truisms and one scripted bundle of dog poo. The lead cast, whilst not offering breathtaking performances, carried out their roles as best fitted the directives. Even from a man’s perspective, and no man will ever know everything in the bedroom, I remember thinking how I couldn’t be bothered with all the props and preparation Grey put into his pre penetration satisfaction. At the end of the day, any ejaculation with the same woman will pretty much always feel the same, so if you ask me, why go to all that time wasting effort?