Men dating older women

“If youth is wasted on the young, then what do the elder dispose of?  Is it hope, optimism, change or palpability?  Or are there some who view age as expertise, and see tomorrow as a brighter day than the one before?”

                 

Similar to almost every aspect, choice and decision we make in life, contemplating intimate involvement with an older woman comes with advantages and disadvantages.  Sometimes it isn’t even contemplation, as the interaction and commencement of the relationship fell naturally into place.  One moment two people were just enjoying the single life, and the next moment they were both wondering why it had taken so long to collide into each other’s heart.  Of course this is the happy beginning, but real life doesn’t always have a happy ending.

There are various ways a man can become involved with an older woman.  It may have been simple, instant attraction on both parts, and one another’s age was merely a number.  It could be a conscious decision on either part - the woman perhaps entered a stage in her life when she needed reassurance of her beauty, and consequently she was motivated by her ego elevation requirement to date a younger guy.  His conscious thought could have been born out of his tiredness of immaturity, drama and high maintenance from previous younger girlfriends.  Then there are the subconscious evaluations they made, like her realizing she could dictate a younger, naïve and even desperate man, whilst he realized his once youthful appearance had deserted him, and an older women is his current benchmark attainability.  No matter how it happens, they both ended up in the same place.  The main question is - can it work?

It is important to clarify the parameters of a younger man and older woman relationship.  The easy scenario is one typical of a 30 year old man with a forty year old woman, or a 25 year old man meeting a woman ten years his senior.  However, imagine if a man in his late 20s had become familiar with dating younger women in their late teens or early 20s, and then he meets a woman only a couple of years older than him.  Whilst the age gap is not at all significant, his mental switch will need to be one of enormity.  In this case, to him it would seem like being with an older woman.  In fundamental terms, whilst age as a number isn’t irrelevant, it becomes less relevant.  It basically is dependent on the people involved, and their relative past experiences prior to the first encounter.

Advantage 1: Her maturity level

Whilst there are some older women who still naturally act, or choose to act, in a manner of a girl ten years younger than her defined age, generally speaking she will be at a mature mental level.  If a younger man has been accustomed to past relationships with younger women, or even women his own age, the likelihood is they will have come with the territory of this stage of life: this being immaturity, self-obsession, self-consciousness and over-emphasized drama that is often created to keep her fire burning.  This can be exhausting, and an experience free of these characteristic deficiencies will appear to be like a breath of fresh air.  For a while, at least, an enjoyable life is there for the taking.

Advantage 2: Conversation

In a follow on from the above, conversations with younger girlfriends that were highly dominated by derogatory comments towards others, her life and reality televisions programmes, have now been replaced with higher intellectual and intelligent content.  For once, everything isn’t about a man’s female partner, and if you’ve had a bad day at work, or you have an issue in your private life, it is refreshing to sit next to someone with a genuine, constructive and objective opinion, without compromising the comprehension of what you are going through.  For the first time in your life, a relationship can seem like “us” and not “her”.

Advantage 3: Her sexual experience

Age may result in a little less energy, but as a reward it brings knowledge and experience.  Nothing spells this out more clearly than the older women in the bedroom.  Where your previous more physically attractive girlfriend was basked in naked self consciousness, with her lying back for you to choreograph all the moves, this older woman can teach you new skills, not to mention new satisfactions.  She may not perform this every night, but at a slightly older age yourself, you appreciate the perennial phrase of “quality over quantity” like you never did before.

Advantage 4: Settled and financially secure

Depending on her situation, the financial stability and security may not always be of a positive nature, but by enlarge she will at least have her house in order in these terms.  From my experiences, older women are far more inclined to contribute in financial terms, a habit alien to many younger, and thus receptive natured women.  In a gender dynamic comparison, it is almost the same as an average looking beta male dating a beautiful girlfriend.  As he feels privileged to be in her company, he contributes the lion’s share of any expenses.  Although not as extreme, an older woman, whilst not revealing this fact, will acknowledge her fortunate roll of the dice in securing a younger man.  Consequently, the result is that she pays her way during those visits to cinemas, restaurants or weekends away.

Advantage 5: Less self-conscious

Sure, you still would like her to maximize her physical potential, but gone are the days of waiting for the younger girlfriend looking in the mirror for an hour, looking at her phone to see who has messaged her, and asking you every five minutes if her backside looks bigger than the day before.  An older woman rarely has this kind of disposable time to mess around, and in any case, she values other aspects of her life as much as her appearance.  It all simply forms a more relaxed environment, and this is free from the everyday high maintenance a younger woman, if not conducted in a firm mannered male process, will consistently deliver.

Disadvantage 1: Always thinking you could do better

Again, this attitude depends on the situation.  For example, if the younger man is grotesque and the older woman is relatively attractive, it would take a brave guy to have this higher sexual market value mindset.  Nevertheless, if he is a decent looking man, and he has fresh memories of younger female liaisons, it is only human to carry out thoughts of believing he could do better than this woman he wakes up with.  When this thought process arrives, usually after the honeymoon period, it is no coincidence young men in these situations return to the male nights out.  Once in view of the bevy of beautiful girls, temptations will always be just a dance away.

Disadvantage 2: More insecure

Although an older woman is less self-conscious, many women from an older age bracket can progressively become more insecure with many things in their lives.  A good analogy would be to compare this to a young sports star coming into the team. They have no fear because of their youth.  Their senior team mate, whilst more experienced, has memories of disappointments, mistakes and vulnerabilities.  Women are similar as so far they can start to question their worth as they get older.  As she doubts herself, she feels lower value than the average younger man she walks side by side with.  When this occurs, it can go one of two ways.  She either becomes further insecure and irritable that her apparent confidence is dwindling, or she becomes vainly aggressive and attempts to de-value her man to bring him down to her level.  In either case, the guy is usually left in a frustrated way, further promoting his compulsions to that of younger women.

Disadvantage 3: Sexual arousal

So she knows more in bed than her younger counterparts, but it would be rare for a man, unless he is lying, to actually be naturally aroused more by an older woman than one of many years younger.  It is only human nature running its course, and no different to a female cougar’s differing sexual threshold – this being variable arousal between a young hunk and her rich, but far older, husband.  Though the numbers are closer than previous generations, men are still more likely to pursue alternative sexual pleasures when faced with boredom from their partners.  If the two of them can maintain the bedroom fire burning, or he is a male of unbelievable high sex drive, then this outcome can be prevented.

Disadvantage 4: Past baggage

The older the woman, the more likely her train will arrive at the station with some magnitude of emotional baggage.  This could be a psychologically distressed ex-husband, or she could possess children from previous relationships.  Whilst many people will have, or know of, close friends who appear happy with their girlfriends with kids from the ghost of the past, it would take an ideal scenario for it not to possess some level of complexity.  A relationship between a man and woman brings about enough obstacles at the best of times, so throw in other items and it can only be harder to the task.  That said, a man will know about these barriers at an early stage, therefore he would be a foolish person to one day wake up all surprised that her past baggage is what brought it to an end.

A child from a previous relationship can limit a woman’s dating success significantly.  This decisive deficit can be bridged to some extent as she bears to the right side of high scale physical attractiveness, but the truth cannot be hidden that this predicament will repel the majority of men.  The higher calibre the man, the more likely this is to antagonize him.  On the other hand, a man in the same position could actually benefit in the dating world, especially if he has an array of other sexual market metrics to assist him.  At worst, the decline on his fortune in attracting women will be of absolute negligence.

Disadvantage 5: In a hurry to commit

This is often when a man meets a woman in her late 20s or early 30s, and she hasn’t been previously married or hasn’t yet birthed children.  Her friends have settled down, they appear happy, and they ridicule her single life.  Very few women take comfort in being the last apple hanging from the branch.  It makes them feel insignificant to life and lacking behind their peers.  It is always worth remembering that women, in general, place far more focus on their perceived external validation to the outside world than men.  One of the primary concerns relating to this conundrum is in not belonging to a man.  In this case, the younger guy needs to be aware that she will not hang around if she scents a lack of commitment on his agenda.  If she tells him this up front, the man has to make the decision based on happiness for all parties.  However, he should be wary of the minority of women who have their own plan and agenda, and two months after the first date they could be visiting the ultrasound unit.

I know of a few men who have become involved with the older woman in their life, and they have never looked back due to the happiness it brought.  Others haven’t been so fortunate, and an inevitable parting of the ways was the outcome.  It is for some, and it isn’t for others.

Some of the most physically attractive women, over and above any other age bracket, belong to those in their late 20s.  On very isolated occasions, this can also stretch to their early 30s.  With the added benefit of a higher sexual market value - in particular the way they have usually developed further persona and intelligence - these women really are from a high standard.  If a man meets one of these types then he should grab it with both hands, but it is pertinent to note these women are extremely rare.  They are even harder to find than handsome men with high sexual market value and predominant alpha traits.

These high calibre older women will usually seek out high status men who are not as good looking as they are.  The 15% rule will be typical – her being 15% more visually impressive than him.  However, there are isolated occasions a younger, but low status, good looking man may be deemed appealing to these women.  The female mind requires ego inflations from various aspects of life, and if she can foresee her sexual obsolescence approaching, yet she needs reassurance to confirm denial of this concern, a likely option is to spend intimate time with a younger handsome guy. 

Whilst fun in the short term, these dynamics seldom work out over a longer spell, as the sexual market eventually proceeds with its logical course of action.  As every day passes by, each party slowly returns to their habitual agenda.  The young man’s eyes will start to stray towards the many hot women from his own age range (or younger), as men generally place maximum emphasis on female youth and beauty within their feasible grasp.  The older attractive woman in this situation has her once positive emotions replaced by frustrated thoughts of his immaturity and lack of resource, and she returns to the natural process of hypergamy considerations – the process most women are accustomed to in finding men of higher status class, and as a usual consequence, those who are less physically attractive.

It is my firm belief that a younger woman dating an older man suits an alpha male type.  Likewise, an older woman by and large is an ideal match for a younger beta male.  You need only to analyze the likely day to day interaction - he will have more leeway from her, in spite of some of his annoying beta mannerisms.  This is only true because of her limited options in the sexual market in comparison to the majority of her younger female counterparts with similar metrics.  She will value and treasure his positive beta traits, like his caring, considerate and genuinely warm hearted ways, more than a younger woman would do so.  Basically, a beta male’s negative traits will be tolerated by an older woman and his positive traits will be appreciated more than they would be by women at the early stages of their dating lives.  What an older woman needs holds far more weight than the thoughts of the kind of man she would desire.  If she had less at stake, she could ultimately please herself that little bit more.