Wednesday 2 July 2014

The female world is the beta male’s oyster

“How many knockbacks can a guy take before he finally opens his eyes, before he finally realizes he is part of a game, and before he finally knows she loves him no more.”

Make no mistake about it, almost all girls and young women desire the typical alpha male.  I’m refraining from using the noun of bad boy or jerk, as in truth, some alpha males are genuine guys who do know how to treat a woman in an appropriate and pleasing way.  It’s just that they also have the knowledge to not act in a beta fashion, and in addition, they understand that the logical and misconceived way to please a woman, hence acting beta, is in fact the last thing they should do.  Granted though, most bad boys act in an alpha manner, and the younger women out there are drawn towards these kinds of men. 

Depending on her natural maturity level, her mental maturity progression in life, her social background, and her social network of people she has grown up with from post school days, a woman will realize in her mind at some stage in her life that she will meet very few men who can offer her a perfect blend of emotional and financial security alongside intimate chemistry.  This could be construed another way: she will not meet many men who bring to the table the positive beta and alpha traits concurrently, whilst leaving, or at least concealing, the negative metrics away from her view.  Consequently, by rationalizing she will concede the only way to be in a long term relationship is most likely with a predominately beta style male.  Her urge for the alpha manhood will never completely leave her, but it will conceivably not be as strong as a few years previous.  Women will reach this point at different stages, but as a rule of thumb, if an estimate is that their rational thought process starts around 23 years of age then it wouldn’t be too far off the mark.

Another decisive factor in determining when a woman believes the time is right to search towards betas rather than alphas, and this fact cannot be underestimated, is how physically attractive she is, or how attractive she believes she is.  The lower scale of the physical looks female criteria may never even have the luxury of moving from alphas to betas.  In simple statistical terms, there is a shortage of good looking alpha males out there in contrast to a much higher number of average looking to below average looking women.  Without sounding harsh, reality would suggest very few of these alpha males would pick out these women through choice.  In the case of the high end of female physical attractiveness, women have more of a decision in contemplating when to switch over.  It may be a case of her current negative perception of some alpha males, her desire to settle down, or her need to be with someone who values her existence to a greater extent than before.

As a lead off from the last paragraph, women are conscious of being with a man who does not value her life.  Not only this, she also needs to feel valued in a visceral sense.  Further still, she desires to have a belief, whether fact or fiction, that her physical value is higher than the man she is with.  If she believes this she will feel more power in the relationship.  To clarify, all the above is less relevant to her when she is younger, as in the younger years the status of being with a good looking guy, in addition to her physical urges for him, outweigh her requirement of self-value.  But as she gets older she becomes wiser.  And as she becomes older and wiser, she puts more emphasis on her level of self-value.  In a nutshell, she becomes more insecure to be with the men with apparent, if not proven, options with other women.

Of course it is true that most women want a man who is decisive, independent, a leader, someone who doesn’t place her on a pedestal constantly, and someone who stands up to her with little concern of consequences.  This is the reality and the conscious thoughts at the back of her mind.  But women, in attraction and dating terms, rarely think in realistic manners.  What takes over is her sub-conscious process at the front of her mind, and as the years pass by she is clawing away in convincing her that a man with all the beta traits is someone who will idolize her and give her what she needs.  He may not be what she wants, but she is adamant he is the type of man she needs.

So how does she acquire a man she believes she “needs”?  Firstly, women have strong perceptions to the way a man will be.  This may be distant from the truth, but her perception is worth a million times that of reality.  As a woman gets older, her personal thoughts of a good looking man who stands out in the crowd is of someone who will seek external sexual fornications outside of the relationship, someone who admires himself too much, someone who wouldn’t value her, someone who she wouldn’t feel higher value with, and finally, but certainly not insignificantly, a guy who has options.  When she is younger, a man with options is everything she craves for - someone who is a challenge, who women are magnetized towards, and the one she can change.  Now older, a man with options, or someone she thinks has options, brings her straight to her insecurity optimum.

Pick another man now - someone who is less physically attractive than her and who does nothing more than blend into the crowd.  Her perception is that this man has very few options.  If he was to be with her then he would treasure every last drop of her living beauty.  She has reached a stage in her life when appreciation (in emotional and economical terms), idolizing and being the one in control is what she needs.  At least this is her short term vision.  What she really desires is to believe this is the case, but once in a relationship, for him to show he possesses some alpha male traits.  There is an unproven view that all women want is for an alpha bad boy to become nicer.  However, as this has never happened to her, the next best thing is this - she searches for a beta nice guy to become edgier.

Whenever I’ve gone on nights out with average looking male friends and acquaintances, and they see a woman who is better looking than them in relative terms, I have brought about these two conclusions in their minds when evaluating what they believe has to happen:

  • He just assumes she will only be attracted to a man as good looking as her or someone with high wealth.
  • He does have a chance with her, but he will have to emphasize and convince her that he can shower her with gifts and financial security.  If he can just score a date, he has his opportunity to prove this and make her realize she can live the life of a small town princess.

 Both the above points highlight to a beta male’s projection of a female mind. The first one says, “I have no natural confidence in myself”.  The second one is slightly more optimistic but states, “I know beautiful women are attracted to money.  I can show her I have some”.

There are inundated members of men and women walking down the street where she is significantly more physically attractive than him.  In sheer numbers terms alone, this isn’t too surprising.  Up to the age of 35, there is a larger pool of average looking men than average looking women.  Most average looking men are beta males.  I’m a great believer that almost all of these cases are when the two of them knew each other through friends, work or some other face to face network.  I doubt many are from scenarios where he cold approached her.  It amuses me when I hear the differing opinions of men when they view an oddly matched couple of this type.  The good looking guys just assume she is attracted to money, whilst an average looking or below average looking man believes that guy must spend money on her to maintain her interest in him.  This is often true, but far from always, and it is hardly ever a formula for the long term good of the emotional bond.

When a man searches for a woman, he will strive to find one as physically attractive as plausibly possible.  Once found, he also likes her to maintain, or enhance, her look.  The only exceptions are the absolute insecure and jealous men, but men who take reassurance of female reduced beauty are extremely rare.  Most women’s mentality in this respect is from a completely different world.  The majority of them prefer to seek out a man who is less physically attractive than they are, and once located, it becomes even more complex.  If he is below her physical level by pronounced levels, she will, to a point, assist him in improving his aesthetic value.  However, if a woman does find herself with a good looking man, she may make discrete moves and comments to down scale his projected attraction to the rest of society.  Part of this policy is down to her inclination for reduced interest from female competitors, but an even stronger force is her ego not being able to cope with a visual imbalance between the two of them that may be occurring.  It is only fair to point out that female indulged moments like this are rare, simply because if a woman has issues in the first place with the existence of men with handsome means, it’s highly unlikely she will venture into a long term relationship with one.

It is always important to remember that until a woman concedes her single status title to the partnership with any man, or if she is in a relationship but simultaneously assessing another man, she may stretch to far out limits in convincing her mind that she has higher sexual market value than he does.  This belief can even be in total contradiction to the reality and objectivity.  This is her only way to combat the plausible deniability that eats away between her ears, living in the knowledge of vain hope she isn’t being deprived of anything valuable.  However, once she is the coveted girlfriend, her thoughts switch to the other side.  She now needs reassurance that she belongs to a man of high calibre – but who is still less pleasing to the eye than her.  This is the primary reason why women look for, and aim to escalate, an average looking man with potential in metrics outside of physical appearance.

In a physical attractiveness analysis of the regular (excluding famous people or celebrities)   world, most people are average looking, whether from the female or male fertile population.  There are a higher number of average looking men than average looking women, simply because there are a higher percentage of visually impressive women than the male likewise.  The amount of ugly to below average looking women and men would be very similar on both sides in percentage terms – it would comprise of less than 5% from each gender.  There are far more average looking men than visually impressive women – a ratio of approximately 6 to 1.  Although there are less visually impressive men than visually impressive women – a ratio of less than 1 to 3 – as women place only a small amount of priority on a man’s physical attractiveness for partner suitability, the majority of these women make subconscious or conscious decisions to not be with these men who are as, or more, eye catching than they are.  Of all the visually impressive men, only a small percentage of them also possess a high level array of other sexual market value metrics – personality, charisma, wealth, status, sexual ability, interaction strategy, intelligence, intellect, talent and reliability.  As a women’s sexual market value is primarily assessed by physical attractiveness, other female metrics are only relevant when a woman is competing with a counterpart of equal visual rating.     

All this leads to the reality that there is a huge pool of women for average looking beta males to dive into.  The majority of these women will be of similar physical attractiveness, but there will also be many, in quantity, from the higher extreme too.  People can expect to see vast numbers of physically attractive women with less physically attractive looking men when seen in shopping malls, restaurants, cinemas or airplanes, and this pronouncement should be enough motivation for the upper range of average looking men – typically 7/10 to 7.5/10 in physical looks rating - to be striving for 8/10 or above in physical looks rated women.  An omission should never be made to the way hot women view men: ugly men repulse them, men of equal or greater physical attractiveness bring about insecurity, jealousy or hostility, but men with looks of fifteen percent below them offer the perfect balance.  The more external attributes these above average looking men can bring to the table, the better their chances are to upgrade.

In the case of ugly to average looking men, the food chain of physical attraction simply moves down a step.  Although these men will be hard pushed to secure the best looking women, they will be more than capable of finding a member of the opposite sex who is a couple of grades higher than their own physical attractiveness grade.  Again, the more a man in this segment has to offer a woman, the higher his elevation will be.  All men, irrespective of their own visual impressiveness, should never forget that eight out of ten women above the age of twenty-three prefer to be with men less striking to the eye than they are.  Their preferences will not derive from instant attraction or visceral connections with these uglier men, but the fact still remains that this predilection is shown in the reality of every day observations.

This is all profitable realization for beta males who feel the odds are sometimes against them in the attraction, dating and relationship field of play.  Further to this, a supply and demand market of this kind should lead them to the belief they do not need to exert themselves to the great levels of stress and expenditures that they possibly feel they are inclined to do so in order to attract and maintain women.

There is one notable venue where men need to be careful when foreseeing advanced liaisons with women better looking than they are.  This comes in the form of busy bars and clubs at the weekend.  After spending over two hours making themselves look as beautiful as possible, the female validation consciousness is at its all time high.  This is in addition to heightened egos and feelings of self-importance, over and above the objectivity.  The knock-on effect of this reflection from the mirror is that they are looking to hold their perceived image and external social status in the face of those they believe are watching on.  Although most women (above the age of 23) will avoid being involved in long term relationships with the best looking men, they will contrive closely with this small category of males to allow them to feel a level of worthiness.  This may come in the form of photographs for their social network sites, or in the making of mild flirting, but their eyes and bodies will wander towards these men in night scene environments more than they would elsewhere.  This whole interaction process does not allow a lesser looking beta male to display his main selling qualities, as visual attractiveness is the only metric women can judge a man on with limited time constraints.  Nevertheless, it cannot be emphasized enough that this is not a true indicator for women taking preference to the most physically attractive men.  If average looking men can get past the belief that women are primarily interested in men’s looks, they are in a fantastic position to take advantage of this curious method of female emotional attraction.

In the marriage field, things also point to the fact that couples with the more eye catching woman will be successful.  Behavioural studies of couples proved, to an extent, why these bonds – where the woman is more pleasing on the eye than the man – hold greater success of working out.  Eighty-two couples, who had married within the previous six months and had been together for nearly three years prior to marriage, were given a personal problem to discuss for ten minutes.  Participants were on average in their early to mid 20s.  The faces were rated on each spouse, and about a third of the couples had a more attractive wife, a third a more attractive husband, and the remaining partners showed matching looks.  Overall, the couples behaved more positively when the wife was better looking than the husband.

There are some limitations to the validity of this study in respect to overall happiness and the long term prospects: 

  • First, a three year relationship is still a relatively short time in the whole scheme of the lifetime span of a marriage.  Consequently, the woman, or the man, can easily attain sentiments to jettison onto pastures new after this period. 
  • Second, as the couples had been married for less than six months, the chances are they will still be in the “honeymoon period”.  They will be prone to take oversight of problems they would perhaps not do so at a different period in their partnership. 
  • Third, and most significantly, is the timeframe of the behavioural analysis.  A woman who has a passive husband will be satisfied, and often more exultant, in the midst of “winning” an argument in the immediate thought process.  This emotion feeds her knowledge of importance and appreciation from the male partner.  However, this is a short term emotion.  Over time, a woman takes more pleasure out of the validation she is with a firm minded man, even if this means she will not get her own way on a number of occasions.  If the female mind functioned in a natural method that took constant partiality to male passiveness, there wouldn’t be the numerous eventualities of women departing from, or rejecting, dependable nice guys in favour of determined and unchangeable men.

For average looking men - beta males as most are - who are aspiring to box above their weight, there is a lot of hope.  As she grows through her 20s, it is rarely a man’s physical looks that a woman prioritizes, and money is only a factor.  Even a man’s personality isn’t always his main selling point.  A beta male can get there without even lifting a finger, as it is all down to her need for self-value, in conjunction with her natural insecurity.  A lesser looking guy offers her the comfort, and he is usually unaware of this.  Once there, he needs to become more of a challenge and refrain from the “nicer he is, the nicer she is in return” fallacy.  I touched on it earlier, but in my opinion it needs repeating - women desire a nice guy to become a little more “bad”.

Acknowledgements and further reading


  1. Yeah, no. No decent-looking girl in her late 20's is going to want to settle down with a 40-year-old man unless he happens to be famous. Get real. 40 is old.

    1. And if you took a moment to read through the archives, I will have made reference to the fact that, all else equal, a woman would prefer to date a man nearer to her own age than a man several years older.

      But when the high value 40 year old man has looked after himself to look years younger (as many men can, and should, do), in addition to the lack of all round quality men in her own age spectrum being available (as many of these men will be going for younger women anyway), I'd place a fair bet on there being very few late 28/29 year old women who would turn him down.

      Besides, many 40 year old men with good looks and a high range of other qualities could bag a younger woman than 28 anyway!

      Keep enjoying the blog, and the reality it brings...

  2. The female ananymous is totally wrong. I dont know what planet she is living on. Single, never married, no kids middle age 35 to 50 year old professional men I know have early to mid 20 something women chasing them around all the time. Some of them even have rules where they will only date 21 to 26 no kids that how much market value they have.These men work out are in excelent shape have big houses own businesses and 6 figuer income professionals. When I was a young person I didn't think it would be this way but I see it among the single professionals I know and I am amazed.. They are even suprised they never thought they would have such bigh market value and they talk about it among themselves how they never thought life was like this when they were in there 20 ies. I think the media sames men and conspires to shame the young women on the talk shows against middle age men. The older women don't want to lose there cash cows. Money is the blood of life. Females have a low market value on the world market 50% of the population has the female genes. Sucess and money are much rarer especially if the man is health not fat and in good shape. Travel outside the US where there is not any welfare and you will see who is has real sexual market value a 28 year approaching the wall or a. Athletic professional man. In 90% of the world it would not even be a close contest.

    1. Women are true to their own agendas, life bubbles and biases. You don’t find many women in their early 20s moaning about dating guys 10 years older – because they can. Once a woman reaches her late 20s, and in particular if she is a woman who prefers to date men nearer her own age (or younger), the whole older guy-younger woman dynamic leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

      But the sexual market doesn’t tell lies. The rule of thumb is that most men strive for female youth and beauty, whilst most women strive for male status, maturity, charisma and provisioning capabilities. It’s not so much that men ideally want to date women younger than them and that women desire to date men older than them, but the shear nature and evolution of life manifests in most beautiful women being younger, just as most mature, powerful , charismatic and wealthy men are older.

      That said, I still have to put some context into what you state. I’m not saying you do not belong to a professional network where 45 to 50 year old men can secure women 20 to 25 years younger, but in percentage terms this significant age gap dynamic is very rare. And I think this is where the woman (anonymous commenter) goes a little astray. A man who has looked after himself with all the other necessary credentials can secure a woman much younger than him. It’s just that because she hardly ever sees it she assumes, with some justification, that it simply isn’t feasible.