“Time is no friend to anyone, but preventing it from being your enemy is often in the destiny of your own hands. Other times, a fall from grace is the fault of
nothing else but your own poor choices.”
I often subscribe on this blog to the usual case of women’s choices in men taking a change of direction once they reach the age of 24. I stand by this. I also stand by the general observation that between the ages of 24 to 25, a woman is placing absolute priority in finding the highest calibre and most suitable provider she can locate within plausible reasoning. Between the ages of 26 to 28 brings about the period when a woman would like to get married and start a family. If this all hasn’t happened by 30, the consequence is one of a woman who is in a hurry to settle down, and she will grudgingly produce more realistic requests in the probable and inevitable de-scaling of male quality that will give her what she needs.
Now this isn’t always the case. For example, a low percentage of women hold their physical beauty into their 30s. If they naturally, as they should, develop a more likeable and engaging personality, they should in theory still be able to place the demands they attained in their 20s. But time isn’t on their side to do this for very long. Some women, and I predict this is a much lower number than the actual women stating it in words, are genuinely happy to live a single life and just let life take its course of events. But these women are so rare because the female mind fundamentally belongs to that of required companionship, validation, protectiveness and security. Nearly all men, no matter how low quality in the whole scheme of things, can at least offer these attributes.
With consideration to the above, I dedicate this post to another section of the female society. I’m not talking about teenage girls who get pregnant to loser boys who just so happened to be a popular kid hanging around the park. For them, they may as well kiss goodbye to any ambitions in seeking a man truly worth having in the future. As much as young girls or women may try to convince their brains that a recently born child will attract men on the “ready-made family” concept, this is a fallacy from fantasy land. No man with options takes on a woman with family baggage unless she is of absolute top end physical attractiveness. Even then, it’s only likely he’s there for the short haul. People have to face the reality that a woman with a kid is a detriment to her future dating success. A man in the likewise position will sustain minimal negativity in the same respect, and in many situations it will actually benefit his appeal to the opposite sex. If women think this predicament is unfair, they only have themselves to blame for being more attracted to pre-selected and validated men in comparison to unattached men with no emotional baggage.
The scenario I’m about to explain is typical of women who never quite have it in them to maximize their potential male mate. I’m not talking in male looks perspective here, because anyone who reads this blog will be more than aware by now that most women choose to date down in physical impressiveness anyway. No, male quality comes in many aspects far above how he looks. But worse still, this anecdote will illustrate how a woman can fall from grace in her own value quicker than jumping from a cliff without a parachute. When imperceptible diminishment of female looks commences, they do have my genuine sympathy. But when it happens before the blink of an eye, and when it occurs at such a young age, it really does leave me with pity for these women.
During April of last year, a new young lady was being inducted in our office building. She didn’t work in the same office block as me, but it was clear she would be based no more than a couple of stair flights from us. She was pretty and had long straight dark brown hair. She possessed a lovely curvaceous body and a nice complexion for a white Caucasian girl. When she smiled, her teeth wouldn’t have been frowned upon on a Hollywood red carpet ceremony. I actually thought she was around 26 to 27 in age, so I was a little shocked to find out that she was about to celebrate her 21st birthday in a couple of weeks time. Her boyfriend was taking her to Rome for this event, and my first thought was the perennial woman dating down with a guy who is seeking her approval with gifts of such kind. Now I would never had said she was of glamour model material, but as an overall grade I’d give her a solid 8/10 in physical attractiveness. For the record, it didn’t take her long to start looking at me as we walked in opposite directions. On the three occasions I recall, there was the beautiful expressional contrast of smile, indifference and hostility in that order. When a woman has mixed emotions running through her veins, a clued up man takes it as a compliment.
I’ve seen professional sports stars with girlfriends or wives who look no better than her. Now although the odds are not in her favour (as there are far more hot women than high status or famous men) you wouldn’t have been surprised to see her with a man of high profile. She had all the credentials to belong to this female group. Even if you went a tier below in status, you could well expect a woman who looks like this to be with a local wealthy businessman.
A few weeks on and I was walking along the streets of Nottingham during a Saturday afternoon. I saw her walking hand in hand with a skinny, pale and average (to be kind) looking man. He was possibly about 24 or 25. This type of bond would surprise a lot of people, but certainly not an intuitive guy like me who studies real life couple dynamics. Nevertheless, his 5/10 physical attractiveness grade was a full 60% below hers, and this by far surpasses how I see most women dating down in aesthetic terms by 10% to 15%. When it surpasses this percentage figure, you start to look at the other metrics the man must offer – mainly money and status – in enormous quantities to bridge the visual gap. But only a week or so later, the office gossip girl informed many of us that this woman’s boyfriend worked as a chef. Unless you’re on the scale of Jamie Oliver, I know there isn’t much money involved in this industry. And it’s hardly classed as high status.
At this point, women may be shouting out that male personality, potential or possibly sexual prowess got him there. We all know this claim is bullshit when it comes to the hottest women. The hottest women can demand far more than this, and usually it is in the product of wealth and status. It had to be more than this. Was it a case that he knows so much about interaction strategy and female psychology that tests and challenges her each day? My inclination tells me not, because no man needs to take a woman to an expensive European city on the behalf of his credit card when he knows she loves him for who he is, and not what he does. Gossip girl informed me they hadn’t been dating long.
During the summer months we had a fire alarm. My colleague, who had also shared my predilections for her viewing, saw her walk past. Although still looking decent, it was clear she had put a pronounced degree of weight on. Over that period of time she had stopped arriving to work in her Mini Cooper vehicle and in replacement of a dirty white van that looked on its last legs. Something wasn’t adding up. A couple of nights she was even getting picked up by, I can only assume, her father.
We then didn’t see her for a couple of months in September and October. I assumed she had left the company. Then one November afternoon I saw this pale, fat, acne skinned and pregnant woman walk past me. I’d never seen her before, but there was some familiarity. Surely not, but there was enough features to lead me to believe it was her. My colleague passed her in the canteen the following week. He confirmed it was definitely her. A week or two later this now uninspiring looking woman was showing off ultrasound pictures to the female colleagues in the canteen, and she was arriving to work with her office “buddy”. It’s never a coincidence how much friendlier women can become with a female peer once she has lost an element of her beauty. In the space of 6 months, this woman had lost nearly 100% of her physical attractiveness rating. This was all at the age of 21.
How do women fall down the slippery slope so quickly and at such a young age? Well in this young lady’s case, and she certainly isn’t on her own here, it starts with attaining very little inner confidence. She would have been aware of her beauty in relation to the masses of other women out there, but she would have also known she had very little else to offer life. As she was not even 21 when she joined the company, she hadn’t reached the mentality when most women start to analyze male status and wealth, and how they can take advantage of men’s naivety, in the priority to how that of women post 23 years of age would view it. Sure, every woman dreams to be with a rich and famous man who can pass over a bank card every day for her to go and spend, but that’s more a pipe dream than a calculated possibility.
Low self-esteem and high insecurity, which of course are linked to low confidence, result in further doubts of what kind of man a woman can acquire. Throw in high egoism, which is no stranger to the characteristics of most hot women, and it also brings about a typical person who needs to be in the arms of a man that little bit (or in this case, a lot) less striking to the eye. It all manifests in holding subconscious desires to be with a man who will appreciate her worth to the world. With most women, these positive emotions only last for so long before they are replaced with negative feelings. That is, conscious knowledge of a man who over appreciates her, who idolizes her and makes her his priority in life all the time, is the sign of a man who can do no better. This usually turns to resentment, but with women who have excessively low opinions of their overall value, the safety reassurance rules above any single thought of risk benefit.
The pregnancy is the one interesting aspect, because although accidents can happen, I come from for the cynical viewpoint with regards to this subject. In a world of numerous and efficient contraceptive methods, I think many women get pregnant when they want to. Men, who are stupid to trust too much, too soon, are the simple sperm donators for their female partner’s plan of life. When it suits a woman to be fertilized, she will take the opportunity in any way it can help her life get on some kind of track. There will be little concern to the longer term consequences, because women are creatures who live in the present. It’s usually the men who consider the futures more. But when things go pear shaped, and the dad is nowhere to be seen, the woman bears the longer term disruption to her progress. Gone are the days of dreams, girls night’s out, looking their best or aspirations to meet a real good man they would choose rather than take. The substitute is nappies, sleepless nights, baggy eyes and the prospect of a nice dependable (but boring) nice guy to provide for something that isn’t his.
In the situation of this young woman, I really do think she thought she could never do any better. Stuck in an uninspiring job she didn’t like, the next best thing is a 9 month maternity break with thoughts of a baby to kick start better things. I hope I’m wrong, but I’ve seen this movie once too many times to be convinced otherwise. Although she didn’t seem to be the brightest bulb in the pack, she did appear to be a nice person who could talk amicably with the office staff in her vicinity. In the words of a song from the group I cannot quite recall:
“You don’t know you’re beautiful.”
I love your blog. It's definitely a breath of fresh air for the Manosphere. As for young women not knowing their beauty, I think it's pretty rare. At least here in Dallas, TX.ReplyDelete
It's been said by established Manospherians that the problem with Western women isn't that they don't have enough self-esteem; but rather that they have too much. I think this needs further refinement: Women have too much self-esteem in regards to men they deem Beta or un-attractive and not not enough in regards to men they deem Alpha, or attractive.
Like yourself, I have met women on occasion who didn't realize their beauty. In all cases they were very young, came from middle to lower middle class homes with both parents still married. Basically, a 1950's type home environment and upbringing. The girls didn't dress in the latest fashion and were very intelligent. In short, the girl-next-door type. About 13 years ago I dated one of these girls. I was 28 and she was 21. I was working as an engineering strategist for one of the largest telecom companies in the world and she was hired as an intern for our research department. She had a perfect GPA and a full-ride scholarship in Mathematics at Texas Tech. At first, I wasn't impressed with her at all. She never styled her hair. Her clothes were plain and didn't match her physique at all. In fact, she wasn't very appealing. Initially when I would talk to her about something, she had this look like a deer-in-headlights or that I was weird for even asking it. After a while, I just started teasing her or making dorky jokes in her presence. Honestly speaking, I just didn't care because I didn't think she was all that attractive. Not soon after that she started coming by office to chat about whatever (because she was bored). And of course I would tease the hell out of her some more and make more jokes. In truth, I'm a pretty good bullshitter and a great conversationalist in small groups. But I'm introverted…
Needless to say, she soon started dressing a little bit better. I would usually ask her to lunch to just to annoy her but then one day she said yes! Soon after that I was going balls deep in her after work back at my place. She even ditched her then current boyfriend (who was a Texas Tech football lineman) to be with me. That was my first foray into being the "other guy". I saw a pic of her boyfriend, and no doubt I was better looking. This girl, Vinay, was a rock solid 7.5 - 8. She just didn't dress the part. It just wasn't a part of her mentality. She was very humble and down-to-earth.
Long story short, she broke it off with me when she figured out that I wasn't ready to settle down. She even confronted me with it saying "I know you want to be with those hot glamourous girls!" Ouch! That stung, man. It was true and we both knew it. We dated for a few months more after that and then she broke it off. Honestly, I don't blame her. I deserved it.
But I do look back with regret. Since then, I've been to Europe and South America and I've shagged some of those glamourous 8's and 9's but so what? Now that I'm older, I'm tired of the game and the whole dating mess. I would love to have a girl like again. She wasn't pretentious at all. She was quiet, patient and laughed at my dorky jokes. She wasn't into money or status at all. And she never denied me sex. She actually enjoyed (even though the sex with her was quite boring). However, I have to be completely honest here: even if I had stayed with her I probably would have been unhappy because I wouldn't have sewed my wild oats. I would always be wondering "what if?". Oh well, that's life I guess.
You certainly don’t need to have any regrets. I bet any man who has actually dated more than a few women will sit back one day in his late 20s or beyond and wonder about the one that got away. Quite often – like in your case – this woman is not even close to being the hottest out of the portfolio. I, even now, occasionally have the same thoughts about one particular woman.Delete
But then reality hits me in a matter of micro-seconds. Once you have those nagging doubts about not loving her the way she loves you, or more likely you not wanting sex with her like you once did, it isn’t just a tap that can be switched back on. Real life isn’t supposed to be easy, and it doesn’t offer you handouts, even if this means pleasing those most loving and genuine (like the women as referenced).
It is clear you have the desirable factors to appeal to younger women than her. Some will be girls who bore you in a matter of minutes and are nothing more than a casual lay, but some will be for the longer haul too. Your now 34 year old ex-girlfriend will most likely be with someone less physically attractive than her, let alone you, and if she was a 7.5 then I’d bet she is merely a 6.25 now. Simply put, you, even being 7 years older than her, would have outgrown her in value terms. When this happens, temptations to stray would grow by the day.
Remember: regrets make you old, and bitterness poisons the people around you.
Always look to the future.