Ernest Hemingway once wrote,
"The world is a great place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part.
(William Somerset: Se7en, 1995)
A reader asks a question on the back of this previous post. It is a question that could be seen as a very strange concept in life, but with life experience and knowledge of how women psychologically work, there is an easy explanation:
My question is when a woman is with her bf or
husband and she makes a joke or nag on my appearance what would this mean ?
This happened at the park today and the guy she was with was average from an
If she is so into him why would she even mention me in any kind of way joking or not, is there something going on in her subconscious mind about me?
As has been mentioned what seems like a thousand times on this blog, all else equal (and often all else not even equal) in vast majority (90%) cases a woman will opt for a less physically attractive man as a partner than her own physical attractiveness assessment. This gap – of how much less physically attractive a man she desires to be with - is typically 10% to 15%, but it can often be higher than this disparity range.
As has also been mentioned 999 times on this blog, it is important to emphasize said woman is selecting this less attractive man to make herself feel better about life based on his comparative lesser physical allure. It is an ego-based motivation. In addition, women know that the bigger the gap a man is below her physical attractiveness, the more he will appreciate her. The more he appreciates her, the more he exerts and spends on her. This act on behalf of men is counter-productive in winning a woman’s heart and keeping her interested, but it does stroke her ego to the point where she feels better about life and herself. She just doesn’t feel better about being with him.
For further clarity then, a woman is picking out a lesser looking man to fulfil her self-importance in life, massage her ego, and provide herself with the most materialistic life possible. Genuine love and positive sex – and the fulfilment she can attain in being with a man who will provide this for her – are most certainly secondary to the primary aforementioned motivations.
An additional couple of points to the above, in terms of why women are often found with lesser looking men, are:
1) At a younger age (in particular pre 30), women on a wholesale basis are more physically attractive than men in gender relative terms. Therefore, even in the unlikely and minority event where a woman would entertain, or even proact, in being with a man as or more physically pleasing to the eye than her, the sheer numbers alone usually enforce her to be with a lesser looking man.
2) Women don't take kindly to being single for very long. Even career girls, girl group hungry women, or social media whores eventually prefer to be validated in proof of girlfriend status. With this in mind, a woman will settle for a lesser looking man, even when she is not that into him, in order to show the world that somebody loves her.
Why did she diss you?
Now the parameters have been set out, onto the meat in your question. I can relate to what you experienced, as it has happened on dozens of occasions to me too.
The first point of call is to know what is going on in that little subconscious, and sometimes conscious, mind of hers. Deep down she knows, again perhaps more subconscious (or at least refusing to openly accept it) than conscious, that the reason she picks out mediocre looking men as like the man you described is because of the reasons I illustrated above. You didn’t mention her physical attractiveness level, but reading between the lines she is above him in a more than pronounced upward leverage.
Because deep down she knows why she has picked out this man in a settling (not to be confused with settling down) mentality capacity, there will always be a degree of resentment on her part that is not only projected onto him, but also onto herself. This resentment can be mitigated to an extent if the lesser looking man has high status (social or professional) and wealth, however even then she will always be wondering what it would be like in being with a more aesthetically gifted man. When you see movies where the underlying plot is based around an extremely attractive woman sitting by the mansion poolside whilst her rich (but uninspiring looking) husband is at work, and she is fantasizing and carrying out acts of infidelity with a hot man, rest assured that the far-fetched storyline that may exist elsewhere in the film has most definitely replicated what goes on in any other woman’s mind in this respect.
This resentment and jealousy of your significant better physical looks, in comparison to her male partner, uncontrollably acts as a way for her to try and ease and counteract this negative feeling she experiences for those few seconds (or longer if it was a meeting of another kind). Her piss taking of you is not a product of genuine and natural verbal execution, but simply a way to try and make her feel better about herself once more. In that moment, she is thinking of the words “jerk”, “playa”, “crap boyfriend material”, “cheater”, “poser”, “a man who takes longer in the mirror than her”, or “a man who has nothing more than his good looks”. For a few seconds if nothing else, she has convinced her mind that she is better off with the man alongside her.
Of course, any man who knows how women work will know why she acted this way, and in your case you should take this as the biggest back-handed compliment around.
woman’s mind, the opposite of love is not hate.
The opposite of love is when she feels totally indifferent towards a man
to the point where he may as well be invisible.
If you can’t be loved by a woman, it is no bad thing at all to be hated
Hopefully, this explains the reason why she was negative towards you. When women stop looking at you – whether in admiration or hostility – and refrain from dissing you in the way you documented, this is the day when you are no longer attractive to women in the way you once were. It is a similar dynamic to the way a woman experiences inundated male glances, attention and expenditure when she is 21, and for every year that passes by, the quantity decreases. By the time she has reached 30 (and 35 even more so), she may as well be a different person who graces the earth.
A final thought – possible comebacks
I know it’s not easy to always have a spur of the moment response when - as women do in a gutless way rather than eye to eye - make these silly comments when walking the opposite way, it’s a self-enriching process to have a few lines to fire back at her:
· “As long as you feel better about yourself in being with him, sweetheart.”
· “When you want a real man and better sex, come and see me, babe.”
· “Sounds like someone has a thing for me!?”
· “Most women would die to sit on this body. Wow, you must be different to them.”
· “I guess you’re a girl who isn’t bothered about men’s looks then?”
All of the above will, whilst not saying it in direct form, allow her to know what you are getting at. She will know exactly what you infer, and in that moment you have fully negated her sassy and stupid comment. She will wish she never opened her mouth.
Part of me doesn’t like the comments I offer, as it may well be that the man she is with is just a genuine, honest, likeable and nice guy. Unfortunately for him, if this is the case, his girlfriend crossed me, so it left me with no choice but to load my gun and shoot back.
My preferred strategy is when a woman would actually say this sassy comment face to face, and then not run off in cowardice fashion. At that point I would bombard her with discrete but understandable psychology in the form of what I write in this blog. This scenario has rarely happened to me, as again there aren’t many women who have the guts to do this and hold their ground. Women are in far greater comfort zone when they don’t put themselves at risk to hear things their prides couldn’t bear to hear.
On the isolated occasions this has happened, as soon as I have given them a mild dose of psychological explanation in alluding to their insecurities (in dissing me or picking a lesser looking man), they have more often than not immediately walked off without response. You could argue I have cut my nose to spike my face – as it may have been an opportunity for short term sex – but from my experience, the body language in a woman gives it away from the get-go.
In essence, if she said this comment with a slight smile and awkward demeanour, I’d be much softer with my response in thinking she does quietly want me to take things further. If the female approach is with fire in her belly, resentment in her face, and hostility towards my existence, I would act out exactly as explained. There is no way this woman would touch me with a barge pole – at least three weeks in the month anyway!