“It
seems to me that most good and bad things that collide in our lives are a
coincidence of pure accident. As whilst
we prepare ourselves for hours on end in how to deal with these impacting
encounters, the reality is we may wait for an eternity for these to occur, and
if or when they finally do, we still fluff our lines and succeed in
little. Not that we act any better when
placed in spontaneity. We just simply do
not have the time to worry about our next move.”
The world of physical and emotional attraction
goes against the tide of logic more than any other aspect of life. Nothing illustrates this as much as a man’s
logical thinking to a woman’s jealousy of his affection and attention received
from other women. This misconception
goes against the reality of how beneficial it can be in certain amounts. His instincts are, before knowledge of this
reality, to behave in accordance when in the vicinity of other women, to deny
previous interactions of flirting with them, to keep his head down when engaged
by an ex-girlfriend when in the presence girlfriend’s company, and to basically
maintain a level of low profile when other females are around. This is the logical perception most men take
in this respect - the less jealous and insecure his girlfriend is, the more she
will value him and belong to a warm and comfortable environment.
However, although very few women admit to
this, whether openly or in their own minds, they need to know the man they are
accompanying is desired by other women.
A woman doesn’t want him to cheat on her, but she has to live in the
belief he could cheat on her if given the opportunity. To explain in another way around this
psychological thought process between her ears, if she is in a relationship
with a man who is attractive to other women, but he has chosen her as his one
and only, this raises not only her perception of his own status, but in turn it
increases her own self-value. It is one
of the easiest and cost-free ways she can inflate her ego and external
validation without carrying out a single move.
As men, we’ve all been there - minding your
own business in a social environment with your current partner, when along
comes an ex-girlfriend or a woman from an historic sexual encounter. If men aren’t keen on their girl of today,
then of course, it would have no adverse effect to flirt constantly, as there
is little to lose either way. It is when
we attain extreme predilections towards the one we are with that it starts to
become more complex, as our natural inclination is to limit any conversation or
dialogue with the ex-girlfriend and hope this diminishes any jealousy or
drama. However, here’s the thing – a
man’s current girlfriend desires the drama and jealous acts, within reason. She knows she has you, and whilst feeling
vulnerable in this moment, once it is over she will value her man that bit
more. A scenario can often paint a
thousand words, and if you ever see an attractive woman with an average looking
man who has two children from a previous relationship, this emphasizes how a
woman’s mind can often work.
If the roles were reversed, the majority of men would view this situation as hassle and emotional baggage he could do without. When the woman is placed in this dynamic, she lives in the knowledge and proof that another woman treasured his worthiness before she came along. A single man, whilst on the face of it is a great catch, is often seen by women as a lower status male. Even a single relationship status good looking man can appear more undesirable than an average looking man alongside another woman. Women can believe what they want to believe, and often it is a belief that no other woman pines for him. Research has shown that single women are more attracted to a relationship committed man on a like for like basis, and I believe this is often a three-fold explanation:
If the roles were reversed, the majority of men would view this situation as hassle and emotional baggage he could do without. When the woman is placed in this dynamic, she lives in the knowledge and proof that another woman treasured his worthiness before she came along. A single man, whilst on the face of it is a great catch, is often seen by women as a lower status male. Even a single relationship status good looking man can appear more undesirable than an average looking man alongside another woman. Women can believe what they want to believe, and often it is a belief that no other woman pines for him. Research has shown that single women are more attracted to a relationship committed man on a like for like basis, and I believe this is often a three-fold explanation:
- A man in a relationship is evidence of a man who other women value.
- He is more of a challenge to capture from another woman.
- His demeanour around other women is more comfortable, it is more relaxed, and less supplicated because of his disposition in having someone. Potential female seekers are instinctively aware of this, and they become magnetized to this kind of attitude.
So if we have established it is beneficial to
keep women on their toes in this sense, should men act like this all the
time? Unfortunately, it isn’t this
simple, as a man’s level of physical attractiveness, in conjunction with his
perceived grade of value and status, will add complexities to how far he can,
or should, push it. Pushing a woman’s
jealousy, in addition to raising his value in her mind, cannot be taken as a
blanket load of consumption, and the four types of men need to pinpoint their
accuracy accordingly:
Ugly / Below average looking man
In the way the world works, an ugly or below average
looking male can easily secure an average looking woman. Depending on his other sexual market value
traits, a beautiful looking woman is also by no means out of his reach. Outside of a world of fame and unlimited
money, the latter mentioned probability is rare, but far from non-existent.
In this scenario where he is punching above
his weight, the likelihood is that the woman he is with is glorified in
insecurity and a lack of self-confidence, hence why she requires him for an ego
boosting comparative figurehead.
Nevertheless, she may not always feel like this way of pumping up her
self-value is enough, therefore an ugly guy still has to convince her that
other women find him appealing. In fact,
the ugly man must assert effects of this kind more than any other type of guy
out there. His girlfriend isn’t going to
truly believe other women will find him desirable, so the odd mention of the
office girl leaning against him will not go a miss. At the very least, she could find him more
challenging if only one other female in the universe is tempted by his
attributes.
Level of necessary interaction with women: very
high
Average looking beta nice guy
This guy is like the division up from the
ugly guy. If he is dating a woman on his
physical attractiveness level, then his intensity and frequency of interacting
with females needs to be moderate.
However, many of these men do secure women better looking than
themselves in relative terms, often through female needs to feel valued by him
and within herself. Again, his starting
phase of challenge in her mind is her low, as she lives in the knowledge she is
as good as he can attain. This is fine
in the early stages of the relationship, as idolizing and the kind acts he
delivers are the things that get her heart racing. This feeling has a short shelf life, and once
she realizes no other woman in the first six months of the year has even as
much as glanced at him, his challenge to her is next to nothing.
At this stage, the beta man with the average
looks has to pick up the momentum and prove his worth to her and to other
women. She doesn’t actually believe he
could cheat on her, and this is like an accident from a pre-determined dream. Whilst subtle deliverables are paramount,
tactics like talking to other hot women in bars or taking her to female
predominant environments is necessary, because although they may not
objectively find him attractive, his girlfriend can start to form a fiction
that they actually do. This fantasy
alone, no matter how far from reality it may be, creates a story of belonging
to a man who female peers are drawn towards.
Many women will produce anecdotes to their friends that other women in
the bar last night were checking out her man.
This economy of the truth, or sometimes blatant lies, will increase her
perceived importance level from an external perspective.
Level of necessary interaction with women: moderate
to high
Bad boy
The bad boy or jerk offers the easiest
explanation of all. Women, especially
the naïve ones, are often polarized to this kind of man through his reputation
and social status above any other positive trait. Whilst possessing alpha characteristics,
these guys are not always the extreme best looking of men in the field. In addition, they are rarely the most
successful, wealthiest or the most personable and charismatic of the male race
out there. A woman is predominately
attracted to the fact he is popular with women, and the fact she knows he does
flirt and interact - often sexually - with other girls.
With this regard, a bad boy actually has to
change very little about his ways. In
fact, if he strangely refrained from being a “babe magnet”, his coveted
girlfriend would actually lose her own attraction in him, as at the end of the
day, this is what attracted her to him in the first place. Unlike a high value man, most women are not
in awe of the perennial bad boy, as his shortcomings allow belief that he is
not on another level in overall value.
He is a challenge without being unattainable or mundane, and this
manifests as the perfect solution for many women. Of all the types of men out there, a bad boy
is tailor made for maintaining the challenge in a woman’s mind.
Level of necessary interaction with women: High
/ Same as usual
Handsome high value man
Not to put too fine a point on it, this man
has the most complex balancing act. Many
women reject this type of man with high value due to losing their self purpose
in life if they were to be with him in a long term relationship. Even a good looking woman can immediately
feel uncomfortable when alongside him, and many women of all kinds can give
this small segment of men undue grief even before he opens his mouth. Due to women being most guarded around these
guys, a high value man has the imperative issue of treading carefully. He cannot afford to show any great level of
illustrating he is unattainable, as this will lead him into pre-conceived
rejection with potential admirers.
Because of this circumstance, a high value man has the refined task of
treading carefully in pushing her jealousy buttons.
Unlike ugly and average looking guys who
ultimately need to raise their value in their girlfriend’s mind, a good looking
man, irrespective of value level, often has to decrease his level within her
belief. Due to his good looks, she
already places him on a high challenging level, whether proven or not, and she
automatically believes other women will find him as a desirable human being. Consequently, whereas lesser looking men need
to be proactive in acquiring attention from her female counterparts, a better
looking man can play the reactive game.
He has to be aware that, whilst a requirement of jealousy and challenge
will always be required, her disposition sits nearer the emotional susceptible
extreme, therefore any perception of too many women by his side can lead to
thoughts of an easier life with the average looking males. This is a
fundamental reason to women going for these average men in the first place.
Level of necessary interaction with women: Low
to moderate
Women love a challenge, and they love the
thought of being with a man who keeps them on the tip of their toes, but quite
often they will also go through a phase where safety and security offer a
better option in that point in life.
Once there, a woman can then become bored or disinterested, and she once
again requires a challenge. In theory,
it’s easy to summarize. If a man starts
as a low challenge - an ugly or average looking guy - he needs to interact and
become a higher challenge to maintain her interest. If he starts as a high challenge - a high
value good looking man - he has no choice but to maintain the level or slightly
adjust it down, depending on the mood of the situation. If he is a man going through the
unconditional and unapologetic bad boy phase, then he just needs to carry on
regardless, as this type of woman is with him for the exact reasons for who he
is.
Dude, most awesome intelligent, well written blog I've seen. Most of your articles are gold. Cheers mate
ReplyDeleteThanks mate, appreciate it.
DeleteI think you got most of this bang-on. Women want to know their man is desireable, but would never cheat.
ReplyDeleteAnd if he's TOO good-looking, he doesn't need to "prove it" at all. He's already threatening enough just being himself.
This is where the "pitch" is probably toughest - in being a very good looking man. My late father always taught me that the the better looking a man is, and the more assets (clothes, car, etc) he has, the more humble he needs to be. He was right.
DeleteBut sometimes this same man can stray too far to the right side of humility when interacting with women (or people in general), and in turn he starts to care too much about their feelings and how they respond to his superior blessings. With a lack of success using this strategy, he may then flip too far to the other side, acting a little cocky and even arrogant. This, with most women, would be even worse.
So ultimately, a very good looking man just needs to be himself and open up neutral conversations about the environment they are in. Pro game technique openers, as advised by PUA's, are not necessary to a point with men of the highest physical attractiveness level. He should abide by the 3:1 question rule - only ask 3 questions before she asks him one back. Is she is not forthcoming, the likelihood is that she acts this way because of her inferior comparative self-value feelings. If this is the circumstance, he should walk away and leave her to male safer bets.