“Regrets make you old, and bitterness poisons the people around you.”
When a man creeps towards the wrong end of his 20s, he may go through a phase of dating young women in their late teens. For me, I see it as far more than a simple coincidence of life. Now I wouldn’t necessarily recommend a guy who is in a similar position to go out of his way to attain these criteria of females, but if it works for him, I certainly wouldn’t discourage it either. I’m lucky to hold down a physical look that knocks many years off my actual age - not a personal opinion, but views from peers of the same and opposite sex. I’ve also made sacrifices and health choices too, in preserving my youthful look. Even without this physical appearance consideration, many women prefer older guys due to their higher status and a mature mind not accustomed with young men their own age.
As a man develops through his 20s, and into his 30s too, providing he has looked after himself he will have arrived to his sexual market value peak. His physical looks and body have developed, his personality and charisma has grown through experience of life, and he has naturally become wealthier and more financially secure. He should additionally be street wise when it comes to the female emotional mind, but in truth very few men get there. On the face of life, a good looking, high value man has his pick of attractive women. But then the twist of logics in the attraction field, and how women think, take over.
If you are a man fortunate enough to be living a life in a network that consists of many single or available women, then being this attractive high value man shouldn’t be too much of a problem. In fact, it should be a huge advantage over most other guys. This scenario allows you to show a genuine nature, humility and modesty to reassure a woman she has a bite of the biggest fish in the pond. However, if like many guys you are a busy working man, or just simply have reached the time in your life where you need time alone, your opportunities to meet women are limited. Suddenly, the thought of visiting the gym three times a week - where often there are not many women who are of high physical attractiveness - or going out one in every four Saturday nights, brings home reality that your time and chances to meet these women are very much limited. We could spend an eternity preaching the concept of getting out more in social environments to increase the chances, and I totally agree with this. But I’m also a realist, and I know there are times at this age when, for the benefit of your looks, energy and enthusiasm, a man needs to strike a balance of “out there” and “home alone” time.
So if you are a guy in this predicament, it is important to consider the following 3 aspects:
- Never hesitate to approach that woman you like, otherwise you’ll be potentially waiting a while for the next one.
- Still have yourself as the priority in your life - a desperate looking guy who ventures to places he doesn’t want to go solely to pick up women is easily detected and quickly disqualified.
- Understand the reasons to why attractive women reject attractive high value men.
And it’s the last aspect we are going to look at to closely analyze:
I will always stand by my theory that the hardest part for an attractive man in the eyes of the any woman is to find a way of erasing her perception. To clarify:
Her perception of how you will be as a potential mate – ninety percent of time this will be a negative perception.
Her perception of how she would feel herself if she was to be with you.
The two are very different, but ultimately lead her mind to the same conclusion - one of not wanting, or more likely not choosing, to be with him. Before the reasons are examined, look at two other kinds of men she could be with:
The average looking nice guy
The rugged looking bad boy
Remember, we are looking at the stage when guys are trying to attain the woman, and not trying to maintain her interest. This is important to reiterate, because the reasons become clear to why it is hard for the beta male to keep this kind of woman. With this kind of guy, despite her thoughts of his eventual jealous, irritable and suffocating ways, she won’t think of this in the early stages. Despite the lack of chemistry, she will bask herself in the ego boost thrill of how someone could idolize her. She knows this, and quite frankly, so does he. After some recent negative experiences, she feels she deserves a period of time of being placed on a pedestal, and with the nice guy she knows she will receive this degree of appreciation. This kind of relationship is all about her, about how it makes her feel in herself, and what he does for her. In contrast, it has very little to do with the relationship itself. She may post a status of “in a relationship” on her Facebook page, but check how her profile picture, or any other pictures for that matter, rarely have him alongside her. However, it’s not so much that she’s ashamed of him, but it’s more to do with the concern she has to what others may think of his average or below average looks. Many would say this is a relationship of convenience, but in truth it is a convenience that satisfies her inner comfort levels in replacement to true visceral feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that many women do prefer the rugged looks compared to a more handsome look. In these cases, bad boys fit their bill. But think of many bad boys you know in your network. They will often be shaven, in possessing tattoos and big muscles. Sometimes bad boys maybe even skinny in the ‘Hipster’ style. I doubt many of these men fit into the actual handsome category. My point to this is: take an 8/10 looking woman and the likelihood is her bad boy boyfriend would be rated around 6/10 or 7/10. So despite this risk, danger (which is usually a positive thrill for her at this stage anyway) and lack of commitment, in her mind she straightaway holds a value criteria advantage over him. This makes her feel better about herself, and women need to be continuously seeking self approval of their worth to the world. In addition to this, many bad boys can come across as lacking in intelligence, even if a select few are rich and successful in financial terms. They are rarely articulate. So needless to say, this is compatible with a less intelligent, but physically attractive, woman. But even for an intelligent and attractive woman, this can also make her feel some level of power alongside him. By knowing she is cleverer than him, this gives her another self-value qualification in her weak thoughts of perceived power balance in a relationship. Over time, this disparity in smarts terms will eat away at her annoyance thresholds, with the inevitable parting of ways being the consequence. Whilst short term flings can contradict this theory, time usually regulates the normal course of action: women seeking men of a higher level in as many sexual market value metrics as possible apart from physical attractiveness.
Now let’s take the attractive high value man who approaches the typical attractive woman. She has probably already spotted him, but she is never sure if he will approach her or her attractive competitors ten yards away. She may well have already rejected him in her mind with negative thoughts of “he loves himself” or “he’d be a playboy” or “he’d have no personality”. It may even be words within of “he’s not my type anyway”. But then he approaches her in a confident and genuine way, and asks her opinion on something relative to the environment. They have a short conversation, and as he leaves, her thoughts are how it is almost impossible that she has met a handsome, charming, intelligent, charismatic and personable guy. She has barely ever met a man in her life who she can immediately find compatibility in physical chemistry and mental stimulation terms. They either arranged to meet again, or they exchange phone numbers. Surely nothing can go wrong here, can it?
A day or two passes, and strangely she doesn’t meet at the place they had actually arranged or she doesn’t reply to his texts and calls. The easy assumption here is for the guy to think she was never really interested, and that she just did the kind thing of not rejecting him there and then. In that period of a couple of days, she has turned these positives into negatives:-
Good looking guy Takes advantage of it and would cheat
He looks as good as me
Great personality Takes advantage and uses all these lines on other women
He’s too clever for me and I feel inadequate
High value man What do I have to offer?I feel inferior to him in many metrics, but most importantly, in physical attractiveness terms
With this kind of high value man, she knows she has to protect her ego and emotions the most. Sure, the nice guy doesn’t offer her much chemistry, but he makes her feel good in herself in comparison to this. The bad boy doesn’t offer her any security, and although he is full of emotional risk, she knows she can still feel value in herself when with him. With the attractive high value man, she’s wondering how he can make her feel better about herself. If the gender roles were reversed here, the man feels great by not only knowing he looks good himself, but that she makes them look even better. He sees the dynamic as an elevation to his status. In contrast, most women, in their natural requirement for feeling important in their own minds, do not think like this. By her being alongside someone as physically attractive as her, she feels less value in herself. Add into this mix his natural charm and persona, and her insecurity are at an all time high. In relationships, men focus the most on how the two of them complement each other. Most women, beyond the likely age of 23, place greater emphasis on how valued they feel in when with the man she walks alongside. It is an insecurity dynamic that can barely be compared between any man and woman on the planet, as so few men think the way women do in this scenario, and only a small percentage of women view it like a man.
When a woman feels like this, very little persuading or convincing can swing her. Not every woman is like this, so this kind of guy shouldn’t waste his time with women of extreme insecure inclinations. In fact, men suffering from these occurrences should take them as back-handed compliments. In the meantime, whilst her less attractive friend is asking her about where that handsome and charming guy got to, she is making up stories that make him sound inferior to her in order for her to maintain her value and ego. You can only pity women who are
this way inclined - putting their own perceived value ahead of what their true visceral desires are telling them. Then again, with the pressures put on women these days, due to reality television programmes and celebrity magazines, to constantly look more beautiful than they naturally are, maybe they cannot be blamed for thinking good looking men with high value would be too high maintenance to be with throughout a relationship.
With all the above in mind, it shouldn’t be missed on anyone that men can make a level of high sexual market value, and they can still be seen as attractive and appealing to women, yet not be anything more than an average looking standard from a visual perspective. These men will not even be close to getting the same negative treatment when engaging women as their more physically attractive male counterparts would receive. This is only true because nearly all women, irrespective of the strengths and weaknesses belonging to their own sexual market characteristics, place the most obsession and concern to their own physical attractiveness. They would happily, and often preferably, be with a man who is a level or two above them in every metric that goes into a person’s relationship suitability – with the exception of physical attractiveness.
It is also important to be aware that, in the main, women are natural followers and lack a level of pro-activeness. This is often no fault of their own, as many will have been brought up in environments where others have supplied paths for them with little effort required on their own parts. Many others have not had this leverage of assistance, and usually these women have a more self-obligated motivation to find their own path. In the case of the former group, they are constantly aspiring to elevate their sexual market value, but this aspiration is fighting a battle with their lack of compulsions to seek new methods to improve their personality, charisma, career, status or any other non-visual attributes. There is only so much a woman can do to elevate her physical appearance - therefore they can tend to lean on a man they accompany to reach this potential. This is another reason to explain why a famous handsome man, or an extremely high social status good looking man, will refrain from being automatically disqualified by most women if he were to interact with them. Whilst she may still feel a little uncomfortable or resentful towards his equal or higher physical attractiveness in comparison to her own, the lure of how he would escalate her external validation to the outside world overpowers this one negative aspect. A regular good looking man does not possess this luxury of her refrained hostility, and instead he encounters her perception of him being unsuitable relationship material.
There is a conclusion with relevance to the first paragraph about dating younger women. Although men may not realize it at the time, it becomes quite clear over a lengthier career of intimate interaction with the opposite sex: younger women have neither the dating experience, or experience of mind, to consider this whole value process. They are like a young bird flying out of the nest for the first time. They just want a bite of the most attractive worm they see, and they have no idea as to the challenges a strong worm may bring. So it was more than just a coincidence after all. Men of high value should not be blamed for dating younger women before their brains start to function in this insecure way. Often, they are the only women not rejecting their advances.
A high value man, with the right confident woman, can easily negate her impulses for bad boys. The fundamental reason women have compulsions for bad boys are down to their simple preferences for the positive points over the positive attributes of a nice guy. Despite the apparent despicable acts formed from a bad boy’s negative characteristics, women will strangely disassociate, ignore, overlook or accept them. Even more perplexing is their irrational and overblown irritability of a nice guy’s negative deliverables once the ego thrill of the idolizing phase has been saturated.
A prudent observation is to place one man from each category around a group of women. The nice guy appears jealous of both other men, as his advanced qualities are a mere irrelevance to most women in comparison to the other two. The bad boy couldn’t give a care for the nice guy, but he is fully aware of the strengths he cannot compete with that the high value man possesses. He can bully a nice guy in a game of female physical attraction, but he will concede that even his greatest attributes are negligible in respect to a high value man’s overall calibre. Consequently, a bad boy will use his steely eyes to locate women with low confidence, even if they do have pretty faces. The high value man cares little for either of the two other men. He knows that insecure women fall for both types, even if these reasons are from the polar opposite emotional mindsets. At the end of the day, he is fully aware that if a woman is inclined to be with a perennial nice guy or bad boy, she would be too weak minded to be with him. Ultimately, the loss of this one woman, amongst millions of other beautiful women around the world, is no skin off his nose. Whilst he will get rejected by many of these women, he knows that men of his unique type represent an exclusive group in respect to the whole male population who are in the market for female affections.
while it may be true that the insecure woman will sometimes reject the advances of a high value man because of her self perceived inferiority, it's for good reason. Experience teaches her that those men really are too much for her to handle or lose interest quicklyReplyDelete
Fair point, but I think what you state emphasizes a fundamental difference in women and men. Even if a man has sustained bad experiences with high maintenance women or similar, he will oversight the potential risks for the possible rewards.Delete
Such women feel a lot of resentment towards high value men and they will try to detract from them, glare at them, sneer at them and hate them; owing to the woman's own insecurity. She would rather imagine that she has all the cards in her hands than know that the guy has a full house.ReplyDelete
It all arrives back to documentations I have made in other posts:Delete
1) In the main, women like it when a man offers a challenge, both in terms of capturing him and during the relationship.
2) Men who offer no challenge - and act too giving and supplicated - will have occasional opportunities with women. This is mainly due to a lack of equally undesirable women in the world, but also because a woman (potentially a cute or hot woman) will be going through an ego boosting phase in life where she needs to feel better about herself. Over time, her good feeling fragments at a similar time frame to her resentment intensifying.
3) High value men (especially those who are very good looking) - perceived "golden boys" who have it all - will almost always arouse, interest and attract a woman, but the sheer image of having the world at his feet will make most women feel like he is unattainable. Being the proud and ego maniac species they are, instead of simply accepting gracefully that a man is out of her league, a woman will act in the hostile way as you explain.
It's never a bad time to remember why even the hottest of women stray away from some high value men with top end good looks (they rarely turn the other way with high value men with mediocre or above average looks), as it is a simple matter of sexual market economics. There is a far greater supply of hot women than high value men, and deep down these hot women know this irritable fact. When these occasions arrive in front of their eyes, they often take a safer bet - hence lower calibre man - than fight against women who are just as hot, or even hotter than them.
What of us who look at the stars while others stare at the gutter, who meet the gaze of eternity and laugh in delight, who believe in true love and the sanctity of honor? There is more to manhood than being "high value," more to womanhood than being desired. Those who are more should rally to inspire. "Mens sibi consia recti." ("A mind conscious of its own rectitude.") DFTBAReplyDelete
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There are also millions of good looking men a woman can choose from. A high value woman has a mindset of "on to the next" and wont put up with a mans bs. There are plenty of other good looking men, so she doesnt need the one who does her wrong. Good looking men can be every bit as insecure (if not more) than good looking females. Thats why you see a hot man with a average or below average woman. He doesnt feel threatned by her. Goes both ways. Good looking women get waaay more attention than a good looking man. A insecure female would take advantage of the things guys would fo for her. A high value woman would be humble, but yet know shes worth it.ReplyDelete
Yes, there are a million good looking men in the world, but those million men aren't going to be within a 1 mile radius of the high value woman you allude to. Also, there are more than 5 times as many beautiful women as good looking men, so she is up against stiff competition. So I don't totally go along with your claim that many women abide by the "on to the next" attitude that woman actually should do. Most women aren't confident enough to do this, as they are afraid of loneliness, no validation of boyfriend, having to downgrade with the next bf etc...Delete
I agree with you that a high percentage of good looking men are insecure and they date less attractive women on this basis, but in the real world your argument doesn't stack up that in general terms they are "more" insecure than women. Also, women are far more insecure than men in overall percentage terms - whether either gender is ugly, average, good looking or very good looking. If you live in a world where this is not the case then I want to live in that world! That's why hot girl/average guy is x10 (at least) more pronounced than hot guy/average girl dynamic.
Finally, a good looking woman (say 8.5/10) gets more approaches from men than an equivalent good looking man gets from women. But 3 points to this:-
First, only a tiny percentage of women have the confidence to approach men they don't know, where, whilst only a minority of men have the confidence to approach women, it is still far higher than the female numbers.
Second, much of the attention this good looking woman gets are from mediocre/loser men.
Third, women's egos and prides get in their way of approaching a very good looking man, but that doesn't mean that 99% of them are not eyeing him up discretely. Men don't fear this rejection, so they approach women and give them more direct attention.
So ultimately, a very good looking man will stand out far more than a very good looking women on the shear supply and demand basis. If women see this man, it could be weeks/months before they see an equivalent. If men see this woman, there will be another one in the next bar or street he walks past minutes or hours later.
I think its interesting how this article still validates in this day and age. 2017. I would consider myself a high value man with Bad Boy Roots:ReplyDelete
-Take care of my one child (Im a single co-parent)
-Six figure Salary
-6feet in public, 5-11.5 when the shoes or jordans are off.
-dont take shit from corporate or everyday people
As I am becoming more successful and ultimately in shape; it seems that only super attractive woman give me any time of day. I hate dicussing looks here but the "average" looking corporate woman all give me this "I know you probably a player" look. I know so because they stare at me ALL the time but when I give a simple "hey how are you hope all is well" -- pure attitude.
Even on Tinder, I ONLY swipe right on very very high value woman based on their outlook and travel pics. Every other "averager" has been rude on dates or after a week or 2, completely became insecure. Idk if going younger is the solution. The weird part? I am now talking to this successful educator in Jamaica and she is a knockout, strong, woke, all the things I like. She told me "I want to learn from you" which I NEVER hear in the States as I usually am the one trying to LEARN in relationships. Needless to say I am definitely going to visit her as she already has invested in her dreams and now she just wants a respectful guy who is monogamous.
Guys, we are high value and if it takes dating out of your region or even hiring a matchmaker, I say go for it. I refuse to settle because someone is insecure with what I busted my ass for. When the nice guy was lying, I was reading woman studies on how to be a better worker to female bosses as woman are awesome at leading. When the bad boy was at clubs popping bottles, I was in a classroom or in my parents basement, grinding my ass off. I am not dumbing down any longer because of some emotional hangup that sites like Instagram steadily feed. I really do not honestly enjoy dating in 2017--after all the one night stands or cool dates are done, nothing sticks. Its all just drunken memories. This young lady from Jamaica is making things stick, she prays with me. I can go on and on but thats all from now. This will help some High Value guy out.
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I really appreciate this wonderful post that you have provided for us. I assure this would be beneficial for most of the people. Paul MankinReplyDelete
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Very good points.ReplyDelete