Tuesday 9 December 2014

Women’s attempts to de-scale a man’s appeal

“Imagine the possibilities, by assessing the probabilities.”

The great part of life is that amongst all the trends and general observations, which all is there to see for people who do look beyond fantasy and into reality, exceptions will exist that either elate or frustrate depending metaphorically on the side of the road you drive.  Sometimes these exceptions are like a breath of fresh air, but often it can appear as if it comes in the form of a hidden agenda or an austerity measure of some kind.

I advocate on this blog that 80% to 90% of women aged over 23, if all other measurements are equal with men’s characteristics and desirables, would choose someone from the opposite sex who is 10% to 15% less physically attractive than they are.  There will still be more than half of women riding this same wave who are under 23.  However, this does leave a minority of women who just can’t resist the lure and sexual appeal of a man who catches the public eye and stands out.  I still don’t think there are many women who prioritize male looks above any other metric – like personality, charisma, wealth, status or whether he can fit a pipe in the toilet – but there are roughly 15% who will not disqualify an eye catching man’s advances until he digs his own grave with poor moves.  Basically, this minority of women will put their hearts and sexual predilections before their egos and insecurities. 

Naturally, I like women of this nature who lead with their hearts to seek rewards before protecting the risks.  This is because, more often than not, the perceived risks are exactly that – a perception.  I’ve dated my fair share of very cute and hot women, and some leave me with great memories whilst others perhaps backed up the consensus that the better looking the woman, the harder she is to handle.  But any negative recollection would never stop me from dating another in this compartment.  I’d always give her a clean slate to prove herself.  Women who follow the same path with men have my absolute respect.

Nevertheless, for women who are not “anti-looks” when it derives to men, it hasn’t gone unnoticed with me in terms of how they somewhat mitigate the uncomfortable feelings that still exist.  What I’m about to explain is not only applicable to good looking men.  The same predicament could be found for an above average looking man who finds himself with an insecure cute woman.  It is far less likely, but still conceivable.  Even if an average looking man finds himself with a woman objectively more physically attractive than him, female strategies to ease her nagging thoughts cannot be ruled out too.

The late 20s woman

A few years ago I dated a woman who was clearly someone who placed high priority on a man’s physical appearance.  I certainly don’t think it was priority number one (they never tell you the truth), but it was high up there.  She commented early on how she’d never seen abdominal muscles on any ex-boyfriends, and her text language to me would often reference the words “hot” and “gorgeous”.  I know these words can be used loosely by some women towards even uninspiring looking men, but I think on this occasion she was a selective user.  This woman was also hot herself, albeit low end hotness.  She was 28 years old and an 8/10 in looks.  In the early days, everything was fine, as the physical and mental compatibility weaved its natural magic. 

Over time, she changed in an imperceptible way.  If I’m honest, I probably wasn’t consciously aware of all this until we split up.  As she wasn’t the best in dietary terms, she took pleasure in me putting on a few pounds after months of joining her in late night cookies and morning muffin luxuries.  I didn’t have to eat them of course.  However, what was more alarming was her dislike for any time I had my hair cut.  At the time, I assumed it was a genuine preference for something to get her hands into, but I stand by the opinion it was due to a shorter style making me look younger.  She knew younger women than her found me attractive, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth.  I’ll never forget how many times she deleted photos of the two of us until it was clearly one where the lens made her look better.  When we both looked good, this was not enough to remove the irritable feeling inside her bitter veins. 

The 30s woman

Another anecdote involves a former work colleague from recent times.  A woman who was 7 years my senior took a liking for me as soon as she joined the company.  On the back of early conversations, we got on very well from a common ground perspective.  I knew she liked me physically, as it was mentioned from third parties in the office and her body language was too obvious.  She came across as quite confident, and I could tell that 10 years ago she would have been a head turner herself.  Unfortunately, similar to most women in their 30s, time had taken its toll.  She occasionally mentioned that it was a breath of fresh air for her to meet a good looking guy who had personality to match.

Nothing was ever going to happen with this woman on an intimate level.  She was married with a kid, and I had a girlfriend.  Further to this, I simply wasn’t turned on by her.  But her cryptic words made showed me she wouldn’t have said no if given the chance, and I think the sheer fiction and challenge kept her going.  But she couldn’t just accept me as who I was, even with the comprehension to what I had been through with my recent cancer illness.  When I told her that the reason I bought a sports car was due to a celebration of remission, her response was to say “well you’ve had it almost a year now so surely you should change!”  If I had a haircut over the weekend, irritable feelings were shown on her face come Monday morning.  When I mentioned nights out with my mates, she alluded to the fact that I should grow up.  The signs were all there to see.  She was trying to mould me into something she felt comfortable with if we were together.

Older women (or women similar to the relative man’s age but who look as old or older than him) who are attracted to certain good looking males despise the thought of these men looking younger than they already do.  If you see an older woman criticize a man’s swagger, hairstyle or choice of clothing, it will almost always be with some nagging feeling that it will attract younger female rivals.  Fundamentally, they see him as being that little bit more unattainable.

I document just two examples of women who want the largest slice of the cake.  I could reference more.  For women who do desire good looks in men in relativity to their own grade, and I admire them for belonging to this select group, they will likely still arrive with some form of plan.  It’s all about eradicating their own discomfort, even if this means de-leveraging the man’s overall value.  In these two particular cases, it is a classic example of attempts for fewer women to find a man attractive.

My advice to men is simple.  Never change in instances of this kind.  Not only, if you give in, are you preventing yourself from being happy by doing what you want, but she will lose a level of respect for you by being a lapdog who nods his head when she says.

For women, I offer these few words.  What’s the point of being with a man you found attractive for whom he was when you first met, only to then try and de-scale him in line with your own life?  If you think he won’t be able to leave you due to women no longer finding him physically attractive, he’ll sure find another way.  This may be through more power at work or joining a new sports club, but rest assured he’ll find a way if he so chooses.  The bigger problems sit at your own foundational doorstep of not being confident enough in the first place.

And as I’m in a “help the girl” mood today, I’ll even throw in some more reassurance to the female side.  Most men who date a less physically attractive woman, and I have plenty of friends who do so, quietly decide to take this option because they do not have the knowledge and confidence in how to deal with more stunning looking women.  They stick to the thought process stigma of hotter women being too high maintenance and energy sapping.  These men are with you because you offer them a comfortable and easy life, in theory and relativity, in comparison to your more sexually stimulating female counterparts.

There are some caveats that go against the process women use to downgrade a man’s value, and they in fact go the other way to instead leverage him:
  • First, a mark of status – in the structure of a car as alluded to above – will only be looked upon detrimentally when the woman isn’t the partner of the owner per se, or it is something that is seen to be aligned to attracting younger women than her.  She is adversarial in this regard due to her not benefitting in any way from the status.  Unlike a car, you wouldn’t find a woman speaking in the same negative language with regards to his nice bachelor house, as she would view this as a potential tangible or intangible future gain.  When you look through transparent goggles, the car and the house are effectively the same commodity ownership and asset.
  • Second, true to their egos, a woman trying to de-leverage a man almost only comes in the form of his physical attractiveness.  Hardly ever will a woman look for a man to reduce his status, wealth, personality or intelligence levels.  This is simply because all these metrics in positive form benefit her either directly or indirectly.     
  • Third, most women up to the age of 35 are with men who are less physically attractive than they are, and this is usually by a pronounced margin.  If a 7.5/10 looking woman was with a 6.5/10 looking man, this whole grade is fairly significant.  With this consideration, the woman is far more likely to dress him up in snazzy clothes and stylish hair, as this will still not get him close to her in overall public attention viewing.  The extra female followers he acquires from this style alone would be marginal and manageable from her perspective.  She would also be confident he still couldn’t do better than her. 

In an ideal world, a woman wants a man who is as physically and sexually arousing to her without it bordering over to the point where his relative physical grade is above hers or he attains an abundance of female admiration.  This is why a 10% to 15% lesser looking man, in conjunction with occasional (but not frequent) external female positive glances or comments, is the kind of man that a woman wants to be in a relationship with.  If you see this dynamic – a woman 10% to 15% more physically attractive than her male partner - regularly in your life, it isn’t by chance or accident.

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