“There are people who can hold a meeting and turn applicable practice into useless theory.”
Like most people, I have reported to some good, bad and indifferent managers over a range of corporations. I actually bumped into the boss I held with the highest regard last week. I hadn’t been in contact with him for over 4 years, and this was on the back of a somewhat difficult and frosty farewell at the end of a redundancy process. When I look back, I perhaps said some words that were uncalled for, but when considering this period in my life was prior to fighting a life threatening illness, holding onto a job meant far more to me then than it would do now.
Many colleagues I have worked with, but not necessarily for, have been the perennial work jerks. They walk around the offices or relevant workplace with an air of arrogance, bully mentality, misery, unapproachable demeanour and self-faultless view of what goes on. Astute men like me see through all this, just like those clever enough can see through women’s fakeness or insecure compensation ploys, as their often despicable mannerisms are a simple way to try and conceal their obvious deficiencies. Basically, because they have very little else going for them in life, these men attempt egoism (relative to their work status), bullying, harassment and power tactics to make up for their uninspiring physical attractiveness, personality, life accomplishments and assets shortcomings. Is an over-sized waistline, saggy man tits and a double chin all worth this effort?
Well all this effort, from where I see things, is a by-product in pleasing their respective female partners. The giveaway signs are when you overhear them talk about the lengths they are inclined to stretch to in order to maintain their overweight wife’s “happiness”. Some do have more alluring girlfriends, but they get it just as wrong in terms of elaborate exertions to work all the hours god sends to pay for the big mortgage or next pair of shoes she asks for. Then when you see them as a couple at work galas, the men appear to be on tender hooks like an innocent puppy being dragged round by their leader. In the meantime, their good lady partners are glancing in the direction of edgier men like me. Don’t you worry my fellow men, very few of them are worth 10 minutes of my time in the unlocked conference room.
So here you have work jerks who act like lapdogs in their female partner’s presence. I may have missed something along the way, but surely it should be, without going too extreme to either side, the other way round? Why should it be the other way round – “nicer” in work but firmer in relationships? Well, in no uncertain terms, these men would be better off on both counts if they switched sides.
In work and social places, men feed positively off male counterparts who endear, embrace, relate to and support each other. This isn’t to say men at the top of the ladder should be too easy going or passive, because this can border over to taking advantage of uncontrolled situations. However, whether in work or social environments, a man will almost always give back more when he is shown respect and a level of understanding. They drink more when more is poured in their glass. From my experience, guys working for unlikeable jerks, who achieve nothing more than making their staff dread the start of a new day, only hasten their endeavours to seek pastures new employment. How can this predicament be beneficial to a department and business?
On the other hand, women interacting with their male boyfriends or husbands run a relatively opposite process. Men who are too giving, understanding, caring, considerate and agreeable are men who will, over time, be taken for granted by their respective female partners. Women will deny this, but then look at the actions in precedence to listening to the words. Further to this, think of all the past girlfriends you have been nice with in comparison to those you treated with more apathy. Assess those women you made the centre of your universe against comparables who were simply a single function of your diverse life. If honest, I can guarantee that the vast majority of men would say the former group of women kept expecting more but returned less, whilst the latter group of women consistently came running back.
Why is this the illogical case? Pure and simple: women respond positively to being challenged, and they form negative emotions towards men who lay it all on a plate. Women shouldn’t blame me for saying this, and they instead should concede confession to the overpowering but unexplainable innate function that belongs to their genetic make-up. If women do need a real person to pinpoint this blame onto, turn that finger in the direction of your first sister Eve and her forbidden apple.
But don’t expect women to help men along the way with this undeniable strike of lightning that is known as real life in the emotional world. Women will still talk with their egos before their ultimate happiness, and these will be words that epitomize their perfect man being a nice guy who acts in this way day in and day out. Then, like a bolt out of the blue, a high percentage of women jettison from the men they described how they wanted him to be.
There are remote high status men, or even lower tier managers, who do seem to strike the balance. However, when you bear in mind that a top end occupational high profile man belongs to a select 1% group of the male population, and the most extreme physically attractive men – who should, in theory, be men who are not infatuated by female beauty due to options in the sexual market - are in a compartment of less than 1% of the male society, you can imagine that men who are both appealing in a combined status and sexual measurements are extremely rare. Even the sparse men who could tick both boxes will usually have little comprehension of female emotional psychology, female physical evolution, female compliance tests to strive for demands, or female anxiety of their impending peak appeal drawing to a slide. If men were aware of all this, it would manifest to bring about a rare male creature who values his female partner, but who likewise isn’t afraid to lose her. His girlfriend or wife would consequently try harder to please him. Deep down, this is precisely how she desires it to be.
Fundamentally, and without putting too fine a point on it, men who women love the most are men who are not afraid of women in general terms. I can’t help but see so many men act in the totally wrong way with women in respect to minding their words, apologizing if they believe even the slightest wrong move has been made, constantly treading on eggshells, seeking their approval, requiring reassurance that their partners are happy with all in the world, or basically worrying too much about her leaving him. What a shameful planet we live in if a man has to wake up every day with these concerns. When all is said and done, what’s in it for him as part of this trade?
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