“Did we get
there through chance, coincidence, good luck or misfortune?
Once there, was
it all worth it in the end?”
I
seem to be coming across a number of women these days who appear to be
complaining about their life predicaments.
Their complaints seem to centre around the trials of being a mother, and
the associated burden it puts on their life.
To an innocent listener, this may come across as a slightly strange
outlook, because if you were to take a cross section of heterosexual couples
who had been together for a considerable amount of time, it would be a fair
assumption that it was the woman who pushed for marriage and children more than
the man. There’s no way of proving it,
but if both parties were to answer honestly, I’d put a decent sum of money on
it being female inclinations over-powering male reservations in over 75% of
cases.
It’s
a useful exercise to once more analyze how women usually find their way to marriage
and motherhood. I know there are many young
teenage women who become pregnant by jerks who then consequently run a mile,
but I’m going to by-pass these scenarios in favour of assessing how the
majority of women post 23 years of age get there.
Basically,
most women will compromise on their sexual optimization, in taking a decision to
not be with a man who immediately increases the heart rate, and pick out a man
who is perceived to be a more capable provider.
Their perception will be that the better looking a man is, the less
inclined he is to seek commitment and work hard to provide for her and the
future children. A less physically
attractive man, with naturally fewer options in the sexual market, is far more
likely to appreciate what he has, and he will work his butt off in
manufacturing a better life for them.
It’s a broad generalization, but it won’t be too far off the mark. Ultimately, most women settle for the men who
they don’t instinctively want to be with in visceral terms.
With
the above in mind, on the one hand you have an uninspired woman on a sexual
front, but a satisfied woman in accomplishing her childhood dream – marriage
and kids. You could call it a
relationship on her terms, but no man is ever forced to go there, so as far as
I’m concerned women have every right to plan out what suits them best. Men, who are usually to be seen as passive
and agreeable providing they fulfill their sexual needs (something that, I’m
told by various close sources, significantly decreases post child birth), play
the draining role of ensuring the woman he wakes up with has no regrets that
she chose him.
I
have recently been in direct dialogue with a 35 year old woman at work who has
an 18 month daughter. She has another
child due in the impending months.
Whilst there is no doubt you can see the twinkle in her eyes when she
brings up the subject of the little girl, it isn’t long before the positive
language is replaced with somewhat frustrating words. Another recent similar situation is with the
wife of one of my best friends. They
have two daughters aged 8 and 12. Once
more, I tend to hear more negativity in view of her life than the magic
children bring. Maybe this is a simple
case of human nature – we exaggerate what’s wrong in our lives and lose focus
or take for granted what is good. With
both these women, they have husbands who are high earners. If the currency of the world is U.S dollars,
they would both be on six figure annual salaries.
I
reference only two women, and I could go on and on. The three common denominator complaints tends
to be in the form of a lack of a life, a lack of money, and the fact that
motherhood has aged them in respect to how they physically looked prior to
children coming along. In the case of
the latter, there is no doubt that children do age women, and this could be
seen if you took two similar looking women from the age of 25 and then fast
forwarded time by 10 years. In the
regular world, there would be only isolated cases where a woman who had
contributed to society would look younger than the woman who had not. Men also age badly through having children,
as sleepless nights and the stress of money, work and long hours to pay for it
all takes its toll. But male physical evolution,
in general terms, is a later and slower process in comparison to the female
counterpart. I doubt that many women
take too kindly to all this.
But
if everyone’s happy with the situation, then all ends well, right? Surely the beauty of bringing someone into
the world is all worth the aggravation?
Well, yes and no. Women, I can
only hope, have an innate ability to care, caress and put their children’s
needs before any other such concern that comes with life’s tribulations. With this said, any nagging moment in the day
is all put in perspective once they see the little one close his or her eyes at
night. But the modern day woman is not a
replication of generations gone by, and the contemporary woman, rightly or
wrongly, has a fundamental and uncontrollable need to ensure she is having the
best possible life too. If she believes
that a shortage of clothes, a dwindling social life and baggy eyes are the
absolute consequence of being a mother and wife, it isn’t inconceivable for her
to go looking for someone to blame. I
wonder who that person could be…
So,
where does the man of the family fit into all this? The vast majority of men are average looking nice
guys, but low in options with other women.
When he meets someone who wants him, he will grab it with both
hands. I’ve already alluded to how men
live their life on the basis of their dick telling them it’s happy, and they
will just go with the flow to ensure the woman stays with him. As harsh as this may sound, I would tend to
think there is a decent percentage of pregnancies, within stable couples, where
no mention of children was ever referenced.
Whoops, the pill couldn’t have worked, and pregnant she is. She can’t have a child without being married,
yet there’s no way she could contemplate having an abortion. Was it a plan all along?
Suddenly
a man finds himself in a situation of hard times. Depending on his age, he may not be too
bothered that his freedom has gone, because it may well be that his friendship
network was fragmenting anyway. But what
this definitely does mean is less disposable income, less time to do what he
wants, and hours he doesn’t desire to work or roles he doesn’t please to take
on due to the financial pressures that now sit on his shoulders.
These
two simultaneous emotional roller-coasters often hit head on in the
middle. In the red corner sits female
resentment to an unfulfilling life, and in the blue corner stands a weary,
stressed and exerted man who has started to blame himself that his best is not
good enough. When you consider that the
typical child care cost in the UK would equate to an average earning salary,
this is pretty much like saying it is no point the woman lower earner going to work. If it is the woman who, in most cases, will
be the one to sacrifice work, she is as good as asking him for a subsidy to
have a life. If he can’t afford much on
her part, it can become resentment if empathy is not one of her good points. Which side strikes the killer punch first?
Irrespective
to how physically attractive a woman is (because physical attractiveness to a
woman is primarily and almost solely what gets her to the relative calibre of
man), there will only be a minority of cases where a woman can attain a higher
calibre man once she has a child. You
cannot hide from this reality. Yes,
there are exceptions, but why would a man with high quality – hence a man that
numerous other women find attractive and appealing - take on a woman with
baggage? If he had options, he could
locate a similar looking woman with personality of parity who is not a single
parent. This is where is it becomes
tricky for a woman to contemplate divorcing a man. Most women will be financially wealthier than
before she met him, but she will find it extremely hard to locate a future male
taker of high standard if she wears the emblem of “children come with me”. However, where the roll of the dice could
play in her favour is if a future taker was of similar level. With this in mind, she can take half (and
more) from the current husband and form a strategy to make up the difference
with the new guy.
What
about the man in the bond? Well on the
face of it, he is crippled on financial, emotional and psychological
fronts. One day he’s living in an
affluent area, the next day in a city centre one-bed apartment. He will have restricted access to his
kids. However, once the tears dry, the
heart is not so heavy and the pride is restored, a man can actually, in some
ways, be better off. Whilst he may find
it difficult to attract women on a monetary metric – as his ex will have bled
him dry of much of it – a divorce and children to a man is not the stigma that
the likewise leftovers are to a woman.
Simply put, most men (decent men) would be put off by women who have
been previously married, or more importantly, who are current mothers. But flip the coin, and it is far
different. Although a minority of women
are put off by men with past baggage, I can assure you that there is a higher
percentage of women who actually see his past as a desirable projection. Why is this?
The simple answer: pre-selection.
Women love a man who has full proof of another woman loving him. Further to this, whilst a man doesn’t enjoy
the thought of seeing a woman’s ex-husband/father of the kids every weekend, a
woman thrives on the emotional challenge that she has “taken” another woman’s
man.
But
of course, there are still the 35% of marriages that see it through. It’s not
great odds for the skeptics, but some relationships do genuinely work. So here you have it. A woman wants the life that her fairytale
mind allowed her to believe could come true, but once there, she lost out on
more than what she bargained for. Men,
with fewer dreams of such kind but equal motivation for happiness, perhaps
never thought it was going to be this hard.
I know this blog may come across as a kill-joy to the great vision that
is true love, but I can only say it from how I see it. What I see, and hear, are many stories that
don’t have a happy ending.
To
wrap this up, it is only fair to point out that a small number of women do in
fact come out of a relationship worse off than a man from a financial
perspective. I actually have 3
stepsisters who all replicate this, where they have signed up on mortgages with
their money as the lay down sum. When it
all went pear shaped, the boyfriends ran off with half of the appreciation and
deposit. Not only were all 3 girls with
less visually blessed men, but the guys were all male losers with very little
to offer. I’ll leave you to draw your
own conclusions to how they got there in the first place.
Your writing speaks truth. I am surprised there are not many comments on your valuable essays. However there could be many lurkers who are just readers like me, taking in your insights & experiences, putting two & two together & realizing the ahh moment that solidifies that what I just read holds truth & weight to today's social dynamics.
ReplyDeleteDo know, that I very much appreciate what you are trying to instill here. The Red Pill truth. Thank you.
another brilliant post, thanks :)
ReplyDelete